Closer, Cold Desert
by MariahajilE
Summary: The ridiculousness of meeting, befriending, and falling in love with the one guy you never thought you'd even meet. Se-Insert/Real Person
1. OOC Out Of Control

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

* * *

"Ugh! It's shit like this that really pisses me off."

I glared at the magazine in my hand before setting it back on the rack. Suzy leaned over to see what I was so unhappy about and then rolled her eyes.

"Not that I care to promote this Twilight thing you have, but why do you always let those covers get to you? You know they're bullshit, or at least you say they are."

I stared at her. I mean, I really just stared. Had she not been listening to me for the past six months?

"Dude, have you not been listening to me for the past six months? It's about privacy. It's about decency. It's about… Damn it, it's about _Twilight_."

"Oh, God. Please, not again." Suzy placed her hands together in a mock prayer and looked toward the ceiling of the music store we were standing in.

The magazine cover that had the indecency to piss me off that day had a picture of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart with a headline that read "Trouble in Paradise?" I had seen plenty of these magazine covers since _Twilight_ had come into my life, but the more I started to pay attention to what they were writing, the more they infuriated me. What right do these magazines have to speculate as to the love life of a person they've probably never met? To the magazines, they were celebrities who had given up all rights to privacy, because they had decided to become actors. To me, they were simply people, human beings who loved what they did for a living and got caught up in the craptastic frenzy that is the paparazzi. I tried to imagine how I would react if I had been put in their position. To go from a seemingly normal life of doing what I wanted and loved to do with whatever group of people I wanted to be with to being attacked with flashbulbs, running from rabid fans, and trying to get away via whatever car or cab was available was just way too much for any person to process.

"I'm not going to say anything, because you'll just think I'm being preachy again," I replied.

Suzy looked at me and raised an eyebrow in that "I know you're lying so just get it out of your system" way.

"Ok, I'm going to say something," I huffed. "Here's my thing: They're human beings, for crying out loud! Just leave them alone. Whether they're in a relationship or not is none of anybody's business. If they wanted to go public with their relationship, providing that they really are in one, then they'd do it. It's such an invasion of privacy. Let them lead their lives, man. There's no need to pry and make up lies. Bullshit. That's all it is. It's bullshit."

"You don't seem to have this problem when it pertains to a certain green-eyed man from Texas," Suzy shot back. "Anytime he's mentioned somewhere, you're all about reading what he's up to."

I couldn't help but sigh. She had me there. But in my defense, Jackson Rathbone was the totally adorable guy from a town not far from where I had grown up. And while I had started out as a Rob fan, it didn't take long for me to be mesmerized by the mop of brown hair, the slight southern accent, and those gorgeous eyes. To say I was smitten would be an understatement. It's a shoddy defense, I know, but it was the only thing I could think of to defend my actions.

"It helps that most of the stuff written about him has to do with the band or something related to the movie. Not everything about him is sprawled out on _every_ single magazine cover or internet site. It's all small information that trickles in, and for that, I'm happy to take what I can get." I smiled, thinking that maybe I had finally said something to Suzy to make her understand my position without sounding like a total psycho.

"You need professional help," she laughed.

I guess I was wrong.

"Are you done making fun of me? Then let's get the hell outta here. I wanna see what else this street has."

Suzy and I paid for the CDs we came in to purchase, and as I was heading towards the exit, I noticed a Curious George shirt hanging close to the door.

"Hey! I wanna get that for Monkey. Gimme a sec."

I quickly rushed over to get the right size and paid for it.

"How is Rita these days? You haven't really said much about her since we got here last week," she commented as we walked out of the store and put on her sunglasses.

"She's doing fine. Still living the life in Long Island. She wants to know when we're coming back from Vancouver." I smiled widely at the thought of my other best friend, Rita AKA Monkey. "She's freaking out because of that whole mess with her dad and his new girlfriend. She wants to start plotting ways to sabotage her, and you know I'm always willing to help a friend get rid of a problem," I ended with a loud laugh.

"_Chica_, your cackle is going to cause someone to crash their car one day. Keep the noise level to a dull roar, would you?"

"_Que te dije?_ I'm Mexican. We have three volumes: loud, louder, and loudest."

Suzy and I continued to banter with one another as we window shopped. She began to talk about the display at one of the stores we just passed when I noticed a little boy about four years old playing with a ball much bigger than him up ahead of us. I must have completely zoned out, because the next thing I knew, Suzy was punching me in the arm.

"Hey! Stop drooling over the babies. His mother isn't more than ten feet away, and if she sees you looking at him like that, she's gonna call the coppers."

"Sorry. But _mira_! He's just _so_ adorable." And then in my best Phoebe Buffay voice said, "I want to keep one."

She couldn't help but laugh at my never-ending _Friends_ references and just shuffled me along. We walked for another couple of minutes when we noticed that the little boy had somehow lost the ball he was playing with. It began to roll down the sidewalk, and we giggled at how he ran after it. My attention should have been on the fact that the ball was rolling right into an intersection. Thanks to sweet baby Jesus that Suzy was being an adult and noticed it. She also noticed that the stoplight allowing cars to cross said intersection was about to turn green.

I don't remember exactly how she got my attention to notice these things. All I remember was dropping my bags, running as fast as I could towards the little boy, and hearing Suzy's footsteps pounding into the pavement next to me. When we were no more than ten feet away from the intersection, I saw a car heading right for him, and I couldn't help but hold my breath.

* * *

_**Chica = Girl**_

_**Que te dije? = What did I tell you?**_

_**Mira = Look**_

**Reviews are like a not-yet-introduced Jackson: I make with the grabby hands. Gimme! ;)**


	2. Twister

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

**If you're wondering why you received a story alert: bit . ly / OOwaHl**

**If you received an author alert and don't know this story, please read this first: on . fb . me / Nx6Uti**

* * *

My arm instinctively lunged out to grab at the little boy. I couldn't even begin to register my surprise at actually grabbing him when I felt a tug on the back of my shirt and went falling ass down onto the sidewalk, doing everything I could to clutch onto him.

I was panting like a teenage girl at a New Kids On The Block concert for a few seconds when my mind finally decided to start working. I quickly sat up and noticed the look of shock on the little boy's face.

"Oh, my God. Are you okay, hon?" I ran my hands over his head and checked his exposed skin for cuts, bruises, and broken bones. "Sweetie, are you okay? Can you tell me if you're okay?" I pleaded.

"Iris, he's in shock. Give him a minute."

It was then that I realized that Suzy was behind me, also sitting on the ground and panting.

I looked back to the little boy and just stared at him, willing him to pipe up in a tiny voice and say, "I'm cool. Thanks!" Instead, I saw his face begin to change and his eyes well up with tears.

"Oh, God. Suzy, I hurt him, didn't I? I scared the crap outta him!" I couldn't think of anything else to do at that point except to bring him in for a hug. I was hoping that a friendly gesture would help calm him. When he began to wail no more than a second later, I knew I was wrong.

"Matthew! Oh, God, Matthew! Are you okay, baby?!" I turned to look behind me and watched as the little boy's mother rushed toward us as if a pack of dogs was on her heels. When she reached me, she quickly scooped him up and hugged him tightly. Matthew continued to wail, and as odd as the thought may have been, I was a little comforted at knowing that his wail didn't really have anything to do with him being held by me.

I turned back to Suzy to find her pulling herself up off the ground.

"_Pinche_, you okay? Was that you who grabbed my shirt?"

"Well, it wasn't Santa Claus, dumbass. And I'm okay. You okay?" She quickly gave me the once over to inspect for damages. She must not have found any, because she began to dust herself off.

"I'm good, I think." I sat there for a second longer, realizing that my legs were feeling a bit mushy and I wouldn't be able to regain my strength at that moment.

"Do me a favor? Go check and see how the rugrat's doing. I'm just gonna wait until I get the feeling back in my legs."

Suzy nodded and walked over to Matthew, his mother, and the small crowd that had gathered around them. Glancing around to make sure nobody was paying attention, I scooted myself the fifteen or so feet over to the side of the building, around the corner from the crowd. Bringing my legs up and placing my arms at my sides, I let my head fall back against the bricks. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Working in the strange way that it does, my mind registered the fact that Suzy didn't need to have that little powwow moment herself.

_That bitch always has her shit together no matter the circumstances_.

I sat there for what felt like hours, keeping my eyes closed and trying to control my breathing, willing my body to stop shaking. I went to brush my hair back away from my face when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Suz, I'm cool. I just need a moment. Not all of us can be superheroes and be completely relaxed all within the span of a minute."

I expected her to kick me in the ass. What I didn't expect was the sound of a baritone chuckle. Opening only my left eye, I saw the figure of a man crouched down next to me. Because of the sun, I wasn't able to make out a face.

"You okay? That was kinda crazy."

Oh, God. I knew that voice. I _know_ that voice! There was no way in hell that it was who I thought it was.

_Maybe I died, and this is my mind's way of telling me._

Catching that I was staring at this faceless man with the familiar voice with only my left eye, I opened the other.

"Yeah, I'm good. Adrenaline. It only goes so far," I managed to get out as smoothly as I could.

Again, he chuckled. "Well, we'll thank the adrenaline later, but that little boy's mother was searching for you to say 'Thank You.' I guess she didn't see you crawl over here. Are you able to stand?"

_Shit, I'm not dead. It's him. Like it's really him._

"Ummm, yeah."

_Seriously, Iris? That's all you can say to him?_

"Come on, GI Jane. I think your friend is also looking for you."

As I stood up and began to do an inventory of what I looked like, I stole a glance at the man with the familiar voice. Yep, it was him. Why the good Lord decided to send him over to me at this point in time, I would never understand. All I knew was that I would be attending church much more often.

Just as he explained, Matthew's mother was looking for me, because when I rounded the corner of the building and made eye contact with her, she started to cry and walk toward me. I glanced behind her to see Suzy as she mouthed, "Don't start crying, too." I gave her a brief nod and pulled my attention back to the mother.

"Oh, sweetheart. Thank you so much! I don't how he got away from me. Thank you." She turned back to Suzy and then looked between the two of us. "Thank you, both of you. You have no idea how indebted I am to you."

"It's a non-issue. Is he okay? I don't hear an ambulance or anything," I replied as I whipped my head around, searching for cop cars or EMTs.

"He's doesn't have a scratch on him, so we're not taking him to the hospital. He's just a little shaken up is all."

I let out a loud sigh. "Thank God. When he started to cry, I thought that he was either hurt or I had scared him a lot."

Matthew's mother quickly shook her head. "No, just the shakes. Listen, I'm sorry I have to make this brief, but I'd like to get him home. I just didn't want to leave without thanking the both of you."

"It's not a problem," Suzy replied with a smile.

"Matthew, can you tell these young ladies 'Thank You?' It would be nice if you could," pushed his mother.

Matthew, who had spent the entire conversation curled up in his mother's arms, quickly glanced up at Suzy and I and gave the smallest yet cutest "Thank You" I'd ever heard.

"You're welcome," Suzy and I replied in unison.

Matthew's mother nodded at the both of us and walked away. At this point, the small crowd that had initially gathered right after everything went down had dissipated.

"Dude, you're still shaking. Are you sure you're okay?"

I glanced up at Suzy and realized she was talking to me.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm kosher. Adrenaline…"

At that point, Suzy's eyes darted from mine to the space next to me and back. Trying to figure out what she was looking at, I looked to my left and found _him_ still standing there.

"Shit… Sorry for the horrible manners. Suzy, this is Jackson. Jackson, this is Suzy."

I noticed Jackson's eyebrow shot up, and his mouth gave a quick smirk. It was during their handshake and quick "Hello" that it hit me that he had never introduced himself to me. He had to have come to the conclusion that I was a _Twilight_ fan to know who he was. As I looked over to Suzy, it was apparent she knew who he was, too.

"Listen, you should probably take a walk and get the shakes outta your system. It'll help you feel better."

Suzy, always being the logical and level-headed one, would of course dispense the medical advice.

"Okay. Let's go get our bags and then we'll walk," I said.

I began to head down the sidewalk towards our bags when I felt a hand curl around my wrist and jolt me back.

"Iris, _I_ will go get the bags, and you can go for a walk. We'll meet up in thirty minutes, okay?" She posed the question through gritted teeth. I looked at Suzy as if she had lobsters crawling out of her ears. With her back turned to Jackson, she motioned with her eyes to him. I looked behind her and saw him still hanging around with his hands in his pockets, looking nervously around.

Then it hit me what Suzy was trying to do.

In my quietest voice and turning my back to him, I replied. "You really think that _he_ is going to take a walk with _me_? Are you sure _you_ didn't hit your head?"

"Listen to me, bitch. For once in your life, do as I tell you. Don't make me bring out the Polish in the middle of a Vancouver street. You know I'll do it."

When Suzy threatens to bring out the Polish, you know she's not kidding.

"Fine. But when I'm arrested for doing something incredibly stupid around him or to him, you're paying the bail." And with that, I walked back toward Jackson.

I was thinking furiously of what to say or how to approach the subject as I walked. As many times as I had thought about how my first encounter with _the_ Jackson Rathbone would go, if I ever had one, this was never one of them. Luckily for me, he spoke up first.

"Taking a walk?"

"Doctor Suzy's orders. She threatened to get all Polish on my ass if I didn't."

Once more, he chuckled.

_Even his chuckle is hot! There's no way he would wanna walk with me._

"You mind if I join you for some of it? Not to get all celebrity on you, but I think I've been spotted, and I don't really feel like smiling for the paps right now."

"Sure. Which way you headed?"

He nodded towards the scene of the intersection incident, and we began to walk.

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_**Pinche = Asshole**_

**Reviews are like a concerned Jackson: interesting to look at but lovely just the same. **


	3. Fantasy

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

**Again, if you don't know about this story's plot, please read this first: ****on . fb . me / Nx6Uti**  


* * *

"No matter what she tells you, she's not 22!"

I stopped dead in my tracks and spun around. I saw Suzy across the street from where we just came, laughing to herself.

"_Hijo de tu chingada madre_, Suzy!"

That only made her laugh harder. I turned back around and motioned to Jackson to just keep walking.

"Sorry about that. If there's a way to humiliate me, she'll find it and take it."

I couldn't help but keep my head down and wring my hands together.

"What was that all about?"

I looked up at him and could only think one thing: Cougar. Okay, so I wasn't technically old enough to be a cougar, but it had been a running joke amongst my friends since I tended to get crushes on guys much younger than myself.

"I'm 28, but I act like I'm 12. Rather than let me be a giant kid, Suzy feels the need to keep reminding me of my real age. She knows it bothers the living hell outta me."

"28's not old. Why would you think it is?"

"Because I tend to like guys in the 18-25 range," I blurted out. I couldn't help the disgusted groan that escaped my throat followed by the hand that went flying to slap my forehead.

Jackson openly laughed. Whether it was at my statement, my actions, or both, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I would find a way to screw this up. If it was possible to die of embarrassment, I would have done just that at that very moment.

I could just see it on my tombstone now: _Here lies Iris. She met Jackson Rathbone once and embarrassed herself to death._

"So, it's like a prerequisite. At least you know what you want," he laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good to know you're getting a laugh outta this," I grumbled.

I could feel my face starting to burn, and I didn't doubt that it was already beet red.

"Let's change the subject, so my face can go back to its original color, okay?"

Jackson cleared his throat and tried to stifle his laugh.

"Sorry. What do you wanna talk about?"

_Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your perfect teeth, what the hell you're doing with me right now._

"What the hell you're doing with me right now."

Again, I stopped dead in my tracks. I brought my hands up to my face to cover it and shook my head over and over. Foot in mouth disease? Verbal diarrhea? Yeah, I totally have them.

"You know, if you charged a dollar for every time I humiliate myself today, you wouldn't need to act anymore. You'd be set for life."

"It's fine," he snorted through his laughter.

"But it is a question I'd like to hear the answer to. I just—I mean, _I_ would've bolted the minute everything went down. The crowd and everything. Plus, worrying about the paparazzi? It can't be easy and all. I wouldn't have waited around. Just, you know, took off."

I started to walk again, praying that my lack of coherent sentences wouldn't keep him from walking with me. I was hoping to prolong this as much as I could.

"Honestly? I was walking out of the music store right behind you and your friend when the whole thing go down. I wanted to make sure you were okay. It's not often you see someone actually run towards a moving car and snatch a kid out of the way. It was like watching one of those programs on TV that captures crazy incidents on camera. It was pretty cool."

"Cool? I don't know about that. Foolish, maybe. I'm just happy that the kid's fine," I said as I turned my head to look up at him.

He smiled at me. He smiled that million dollar smile at me, and I thought my knees would give out. It was either that or throw up all over myself. At that point, I couldn't distinguish between the two.

"So, I take it you don't live here in Vancouver."

"What makes you say that?"

" I was on the other side of the magazine rack inside the music store when you and Suzy were talking. I heard somebody say something about Rob and Kristen. My ears naturally perk up at that. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, though. But it was nice to hear someone say nice things about them in that way."

"Oh. No biggie," I replied back with a smile.

Then, it hit me. If he'd heard that conversation, then he _must_ have heard what I said about him.

_Crap, crap, crap! _

There was also no way he didn't hear Suzy when she said that I needed professional help.

_Great. Just frickin great._

"Anyway, I was heading out the door at the same time you were. I heard you say something about a monkey and it wanting you to leave Vancouver to go back home."

"Um, no, I don't live here. I'm originally from New Mexico, but I live in New York now."

"Oh, gotcha. Okay, so you have a pet monkey or something?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"I wouldn't call one of my best friends a pet, but… Sure, why not? No, Monkey's a nickname between my friend Rita and I. We started calling each other that years ago after we watched _Grandma's Boy_. The movie itself was okay, but the best part was this guy who kept talking to a monkey he had in the basement. It just kinda became our thing," I shrugged.

"Ahh. Makes sense now. I was starting to wonder if you had a monkey caged back home or something," he laughed.

"No, but, with the way she's acting, I may just start doing that with Suzy."

From there, I continued to talk. Boy, did I talk. I told him all about being Mexican, living in Roswell, attending a military high school instead of a public one, my move to New York City, more about Suzy and Monkey, and my obsession with Mariah Carey. I intended to say what I wanted to say without the theatrics I'm known for, but halfway through my story, my arms were gesturing wildly and I cackled at certain things I recounted. It made me feel better when I heard Jackson laughing along with me. I felt like less of a moron. When I gave him the chance, he'd jump in with questions about things he didn't understand.

"How did you end up out here? Not to state the obvious, but it's quite a ways away from New York."

_Don't mention the Kings of Leon concert._ _It's not like you're going to talk to him again for it to matter._

"Let's see if I can keep this simple... A couple of months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't a high paying job or anything, but it was the only one I had. After six weeks of not being able to find a new one, I started to get a little depressed. When people started to notice the change in me, a good friend of mine, Juanita, called me. Her family is extremely loaded, but more importantly, they're extremely generous. She knew that I hadn't taken a vacation in a while, and her family offered their house here to me for as long as I wanted. I turned it down, obviously, but Juanita had already bought my plane ticket."

* * *

"_Iris, no seas mensa! Take the ticket, and take the house. It's just sitting vacant, and you could use some time away."_

"_I want to, I really do, but you know how I feel about handouts. I can't!"_

"_Tonta, this isn't a handout. You're my friend, and you're in a tough spot right now. It's not like I'm handing you a wad of cash or anything. Just take the ticket and the house. If you don't, my mother's not going to be happy, and you _know_ you don't want that."_

_Shit. Getting her mom angry equaled Amy Winehouse: it wasn't pretty._

* * *

"After an internal debate and having her yell at me for another ten minutes, I finally gave in. Suzy and I have only been here a week. I don't know when exactly I'm going home, but Suzy'll be visiting almost every weekend. She has to go back to Brooklyn during the week, because she's a pre-school teacher. She needs to get away just as much as I do."

"And you don't you'll be lonely during the week when she's gone?"

His question seemed to come from a place of genuine concern, and I couldn't help but smile on the inside.

"Not really. It'll be nice to just do nothing. And oooh! There's the whole sightseeing thing. And lazy walking. Lazy walking's big with me," I smiled broadly.

"Lazy walking?"

"Yep. You'd be surprised just how much you actually get to see when you're walking around without having anything to do or any particular place to go. The way people interact or don't interact with one another. The things they do when they think nobody's watching. The way the sky starts changing color right before your eyes when sundown hits. It's relaxing. I throw the iPod on and just walk. Sidewalks, parks, stores…"

"Interesting. And do you do this with Suzy when she visits?"

_That's not the first time he's brought her up … He wants to know about Suzy. I should've fucking known. Stupid history and its need to repeat itself. I'm so fucking screwed._

I cleared my throat in hopes that it didn't waver as I responded.

"This is only our second weekend here, but we do get out some. Usually, though, we just to go shopping or search for concerts. Most of the time, we just stay at the house watching movies in the basement or reading. Suz knows that this vacation is more about just chillin and whatnot. Hey, speaking of concerts, do you know what time it is?"

Jackson glanced down at his watch, and his eyes grew big.

"Four?!"

"Shit. If I'm going to make it on time, I have to get going," I responded.

We did a 180 and began walking back to where Suzy was waiting for me.

"How long have we been walking? I was supposed to meet her in thirty minutes."

"I think it's been closer to an hour."

"Well, it was nice knowing you, Jackson. Knowing Suzy, she's probably sharpening the knives as we speak. She doesn't do tardiness very well."

"By your reaction, I figured as much," he smirked.

We walked for a few blocks in silence. When we were about five minutes away, he significantly slowed his pace.

"What did you mean earlier when you said 'speaking of concerts?'"

I cleared my throat and tried to figure a way out of answering, but I couldn't think of one.

"I have tickets to a concert tonight," I mumbled.

I didn't really wanna tell him that those tickets were for _his_ concert. It would've just added another layer to the humiliation cake I was stuffing my face with.

"Oh, really? What concert?"

By the way his voice went up at the end, I knew he had me figured out.

"99 Chimpanzees?"

I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, and that was all I could get out. I ducked my head and shoved my hands into my jean pockets as I tried to walk as quickly as I could to avoid the teasing I knew was coming.

"Really? Me, too! I hear they're great," he laughed.

"Alright, fine. I'm seeing you perform tonight. It was one of the reasons why I agreed with Juanita about coming here. She threw in 100 Monkeys tickets to the batch, and I couldn't turn her down."

_Here it comes… "Well, Iris. It was nice talking to you, but since you're borderline stalking me, I think I'm going to go now. Oh, and don't bother coming to the concert. I'm putting security on high alert."_

"Bitching. So, I'll see you tonight? What time are you guys planning on getting there? I can reserve a space for you next to the stage if you want."

I couldn't help but look at him as if he had just informed me that Sloth from _The Goonies _was my baby's daddy.

_Whoa. Didn't see that coming. There's nice, and then there's nice_.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing. It's just… This is all just a little too weird. I mean, weird in a surreal sorta way. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not in a hospital bed somewhere, because Suzy put some hallucinogens in my veggie burger at lunch. This whole thing could just be going on in my head for all I know," I laughed.

"You're good people, as my mom would say. I can tell. Plus, what you and Suzy did today shouldn't go unrewarded. If you're gonna be at the concert, might as well have amazing seats. Plus, I know a guy in the band," he laughed.

"You don't have to do that, you know. She and I can slum it just like everyone else there. No preferential treatment is needed. Actually, I prefer it. Suzy, too."

"Look, can you just save me the trouble of trying to give you a mean face and say yes? Make it easy on me. What do you say?"

I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh.

"Fine. We'll do the special treatment thing."

I cleared my throat and tried not to embarrass myself as I went to thank him.

"Um, thanks, by the way."

He responded with his hot-as-fire chuckle.

When we got to the intersection, it hit me that he had wanted to originally walk away from this area.

_He probably walked all the way back just so he could see Suzy again_.

I tried to shove the thought out of my head as my eyes finally found her. And sure enough, Suzy was waiting for me with our bags, arms crossed over her chest and tapping her foot.

As Jackson and I said goodbye and went our separate ways, I couldn't help but throw out one final question at him.

"What do you say to open bar?" I yelled at him as he was walking away.

He turned around but kept walking backwards as he answered me.

"Now you're just pushing your luck!"

I let out one of my infamous cackles as Suzy led me away and back toward the car. Even as she playfully bitched at me for making her wait around so long, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

* * *

_**Hijo de tu chingada madre = Son of a bitch  
**_

_**No seas mensa = Don't be stupid**_

_**Tonta = Dummy**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's smile: bright and heartwarming.**


	4. The Beautiful Ones

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

* * *

"Gimme the keys."

I looked up to see that Suzy had one hand on her hip and the other palm up toward me. By the scowl on her face, I must have done something to piss her off.

"Why? What's wrong? I thought I was driving."

"You were. But you've been standing with the keys in your hand, staring off into space for the past five minutes. You obviously have something on your mind, and I will _not_ have a repeat of the Hawaii incident."

I stuck my tongue out at her. Could she really blame me? We were driving around Oahu during one of our vacations, just being lazy and taking in the scenery, when Suzy yelled out, "Look, it's Diamondhead!" Out of sheer excitement, I turned my head around to where she was pointing, so I could glimpse the volcano we had climbed the previous day. Unfortunately, I was so excited that I also turned the steering wheel as I turned my head, causing us to swerve into the empty oncoming traffic lane. Suzy freaked out and swore never to get into a car with me ever again if I was driving. She even refused to speak to me while we finished our drive, fearing that I would get distracted again and cause us to crash.

"Hey! That was forever ago. I apologized like a priest at an altar boy convention for the rest of the day. I can't believe you're still bringing that up."

She didn't answer. She didn't have to. The look on her face told me I wasn't going to win the fight. Reluctantly, I handed her the keys, walked around to the passenger side of the car, and got in.

Staring out the window while Suzy drove, I took in the beautiful June day. Driving past the shops and families out and about made me recall everything that had happened earlier. The twenty-five minute drive to the house was completely quiet. I didn't have the energy to talk, and Suzy knew me well enough to know that I needed to think.

To say that meeting Jackson Rathbone was a dream come true was a complete "Duh" moment. Who doesn't wanna meet one of the stars of _Twilight_? Tween girls around the world would lovingly chuck their Zack Efron posters out the window for what had just happened to me. I just didn't know what to make of the whole thing. The incident with Matthew, the walk, the invitation to the concert… It was a bit much. It wasn't so much those incidents put together as it was those incidents happening to _me_ - my issues with myself, my issues with Suzy.

I was an insecure person. Okay, that's putting it mildly. I had serious self-esteem issues. I had issues with mirrors. I didn't like them. I never had. The problem was that I often found myself staring into one, going over what I looked like. I did it for hours sometimes. It wasn't a "Wow, I'm hot!" sort of thing. It was the complete opposite. I stared at myself, wondering what I could do to improve my physical appearance. For as long as I could remember, I'd _hated_ what I looked like. It stemmed from a mixture of how I was brought up, my family, and my complete and utter lack of boyfriends.

5'2" tall, brown eyes, always on the heavier side. While I always joked around about how obese I was, I knew it wasn't really true. It was just easier for me to break out the jokes about my weight and what I looked like than to have someone else say them. Suzy called it my defense mechanism. Whatever. I did have some comfort in knowing that a recent change to vegetarianism had caused me to lose enough weight to drop down to a size ten from the eighteen I had been six months prior. I was nowhere near the size I wanted to be, though, but the weight loss was still ongoing thanks to the lack of dead animal in my diet.

I could say with certainty, though, that my physical appearance did have a couple of positives. The first was my hair. It was unbelievably long. Long as in past my ass. It was super thick, I had a lot of it, and it was mad curly - think Felicity but less poofy and make it brown. But I usually just let it hang and didn't bother putting it up or doing anything with it. Most of the time, I loved it. Windy days were horrible for me. The second positive would be my eyebrows. I was a fierce bitch when it came to eyebrows. I tweezed on a daily basis, keeping them tame while not pencil thin, and had no problem telling Suzy or any of my other close friends when it was time for them to allow me to attack. I walked around with my tweezers in my bag. It was _that _serious.

There were other aspects that friends pointed out as positives that I didn't entirely agree with. They said I was funny; I thought I was lame and corny. They said that my lips were nice and full; I thought they were small and thin. They said that my eyes were large and round; I thought they were small and beady.

They told me I was pretty. I felt like hitting them for lying to me.

Despite any positives, though, I was constantly reminded of just how unattractive I was. Having Suzy as my best friend definitely didn't help. Suzy was on the short side but was absolutely gorgeous. She had shoulder-length, brown hair with red tints, big green eyes - that I often heckled her about, because they were colored contacts - an amazing smile, the tiniest waist, a flat tummy, hips, and breasts that screamed, "Check out these puppies!" It was dangerous going out with her to a bar or to a club, because guys would see her and end up with tunnel vision. They didn't see anybody else around her, and that anybody was usually me. Don't get me wrong - I love the girl. She's like my sister from another mister. She was my first ever friend and the first one I made when we started our freshman year of college six years ago. She helped me in more ways than I can think, and I don't know where I'd be without her. Unfortunately, my personal issues had a way of bleeding into our friendship. We'd fight every once in a while about it, but it'd never really been a big thing. As we pulled into the driveway of Juanita's house, I had an overwhelming feeling that that night would be one of those nights.

"Should I call the men with the straightjackets, or are you okay?"

Suzy turned off the car but made no motion to get out.

"What did I do now?"

I couldn't help but whine. The day had definitely taken its toll on me.

"You've been quiet for a while now, and you're _never_ quiet. It's starting to scare me."

"I'm just… I'm thinking," I sighed.

I quickly grabbed my bag, shuffled out of the car, and headed for the front door.

Suzy didn't say anything to me after that other than to ask me what we were having for dinner. Neither of us felt like cooking, so we ordered Chinese. I carefully avoided her for the next twenty minutes until the doorbell rang and our food arrived. We sat at the island and ate in silence. About halfway through her shrimp lo mein, she dropped her fork and let out a big sigh.

"What the hell's your problem? You're too quiet! It's starting to get on my nerves."

I knew I had to tell her what was on my mind, but I also knew it would start a fight. It was Suzy, though, and she was one of two people who never let me get away with anything. I couldn't do anything but come clean.

"I think Jackson likes you," I whispered into my vegetable dumplings.

Silence.

I expected her to yell and throw her fork at me, but there was no movement on her part. Silence with Suzy was much more dangerous than flying utensils. I was afraid to look up, because I knew she would be giving me the death glare. I forced myself to do so and came face-to-face with one of the fiercest faces I had ever seen her give.

"Are you shitting me right now?" she seethed. "That's what you've been stewing over for the past hour? I have half a mind to throw my dinner on your head, but - but it's too delicious to waste on your stupid ass! Where the hell did that comment come from?"

If she had been a cartoon, her face would've taken on the shape of a thermometer, becoming unbearably red, starting from the bottom and working its way to the top. Smoke definitely would've been shooting out of her ears.

"From the walk. He kept bringing you up. I should've known better, I guess, so it's really all my fault."

I had lost my appetite and decided to put my food away. When I tried walking to the fridge, Suzy stepped in front of me, preventing me from going any further.

"Listen to me and listen to me good, because I'm only going to say this once, okay? You're a _dumbass_! You think every guy you have a crush on has a thing for me. Your stupid brain doesn't ever let you see otherwise. It's starting to get old, you know, and I'm starting to get tired of it. You need to fix whatever shit you have going on and do it quickly, because I'm up to here with this scenario you always seem to think is going on. And honestly? Do you really think that I would even go there with Jackson? He seems like a nice guy and all - the whole thirty second interaction we had - but you know I don't find him attractive like that, and I would definitely _never_ do that to you. He's attached to _Twilight_, and you know I don't like that whole little world you and your Twitter friends get lost in," she finished.

Then, speaking with the same intensity but adding a slight smirk to her face, she said, "Plus, he's no Alexander Skarsgard."

Bitch knew how to fight, make a point, and lighten the mood all in one speech.

"Ho, please. The Bone is much better looking than your Swedish dude. But that's not the point. The point is that I think he likes you or at least wants to like you. I think that walk was a way of trying to get closer to you through me. It's happened before! History? It repeats itself, wench."

"First, stop calling him The Bone. It just sounds disgusting. Second, the fact that you put Eric Northman on a level below that Jasper dude is insulting. Third, it happened _once_ before. I nearly took the guy's balls off, and I never spoke to the asshole again. Besides, you're rushing into shit again. Maybe the guy sees a friend in you. You two seemed on good terms when you came back from your walk. Why can't you just let this become whatever it's going to become, even if it's just a friendship? I know you've harbored this celebrity crush for him, but let's live in reality, okay? He probably already has a girlfriend, if he's as amazing as you think he is. And not to burst your bubble, and please don't think I'm trying to be a bitch when I say this, but the chances of you getting together with him are slim to none. And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with what you supposedly look like. Shit like that just doesn't happen everyday, and it definitely doesn't happen to people like us. Plus, how do you know that you're even going to become friends? There's a good chance we'll go to this concert, and that'll be the end of it. Just do this for me: If your time here _does_ allow you to become friends with him, take it and be happy. You can't really ask for more than that."

I stood there holding my leftovers and took everything she said in. As usual, the bitch was right. She could tell that she had gotten through to me and stepped out from in front of the fridge. I placed my leftovers in, closed the door, walked to the living room, and turned on the TV. A few minutes later, Suzy joined me, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

About an hour into a _Psyche_ marathon, I realized that Suzy had wiggled her way into lying down on the couch with her feet in my lap. I tapped her legs, our sign for "Want a foot rub?" She squealed and immediately took her shoes off, tossing them to the floor.

_Silly bitch._

Even though Suzy had been my biffel for years, we'd never really been the affectionate type. Foot rubs, I guess, had become our own way of giving each other hugs. I took her acceptance of the foot rub as that she was no longer upset about before, and for that, I was content.

When seven rolled around, we figured it was time to start getting ready for the show. After taking a quick shower, I ran back into my room and stared into my closet. As I was deciding what I was going to wear that night, Suzy knocked and stepped into my room.

"We okay?"

I turned to her and smiled.

"Yeah, we're good. The kick in the ass was more than deserved. Sorry about the freak out session. It's not a normal month until I have one, you know," I joked.

"_Ay, pinche_… Well, hurry up and get ready. If the concert starts at nine, we should probably be there by eight or so. I wanna get a few drinks in me before it starts."

She was walking out when she suddenly whipped around, her index finger pointing directly at me.

"And if a tween so much as glares at me or screams in my ear at this concert tonight, I'm taking it out on you. You've been warned," she threatened.

I threw my head back and let out a cackle.

A little less than an hour later, she and I were ready to go. We decided to keep it low key with the wardrobe; jeans, flip flops, basic tees, and natural make-up.

"So, you're gonna be cool tonight with Jackson, right?"

Never one to beat around the bush, Suzy did her best to ask what she wanted to without trying to piss me off right before seeing him. She checked her rearview mirror before switching lanes, and then looked up to me, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah… And you're not gonna flaunt the twins in his face, right? The last thing I need is to slip and fall, because he's drooling. Remember: the flip flops are old and have no traction."

"We're not starting this again. But there will be no flaunting of the twins for anyone's sake at this thing. Speaking of flaunting, did you tell him about the Kings of Leon thing while you walked?"

"No. Why would I?"

I knew where she was going with it, but I was hoping she would just drop it. True to form, though, she kept pushing like she always does.

"You know he's gonna be there. If that Edward Cullen guy is as big of a fan of the band as you say, he'll definitely be there which means there's a good chance that some of the cast'll be there, too. I just think that maybe you should let him know that we're going, and most importantly, _why_ we're going. You don't wanna just show up at the concert and be all, 'Hey! I promise I'm not stalking you or anything.'"

"Dude, his name isn't Edward Cullen. It's Robert Pattinson – RPattz if you're nasty. And for all I know, I'll never see Jackson again after the concert tonight. If push comes to shove, I'll mention that we're going to the concert, but I'm definitely not telling him why. This whole situation is unrealistic enough without throwing that into the mix. Besides, once everything starts going down, _if_ he's at the concert, he'll see for himself. It's just not something you bring up to someone you just met and don't even know if you'll ever see again," I sighed, my frustration with the conversation growing. "Can we just drop this? I don't wanna think about it. I just need some alcohol and to forget. _Bueno bueno_?"

"_Bueno bueno, puta_."

We pulled up to the bar where the concert was being held and waited in line with everyone else, though there were only ten or fifteen people ahead of us. After finally getting in, Suzy and I went straight for the bar. Ever the classy lady, she ordered her usual whiskey ginger. Despite its yucky taste, I went for a bottle of beer. We kept ordering drinks and standing around the bar for thirty minutes or so. I heard some people gasp, and that's when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Whipping around so fast I almost spilled my beer, I came eye to chest with The Bone himself.

"You made it! And I see you're already on a well-deserved course to getting hammered. Very nice. Before it starts getting too crowded, lemme show you where you're gonna be standing during the concert."

As we walked across the floor and closer to the stage, I couldn't help but ogle his ass. It was a nice ass. It was good for ogling.

_Oh, no. Dial down the drinking, skank. You're giggling to yourself about his ass._

"Here it is. See? You guys do get to kinda slum it after all," he laughed.

I knew I was merging onto the highway of "Drunk" when I couldn't take my eyes of his Adam's apple. Suzy must have noticed it, too, because she "accidentally" bumped into me, breaking my hypnosis.

"If this was too much trouble, Iris and I are happy to get lost in the sea of people. No favors are needed, you know."

"Stop. Now, I'm heading to the bar. More drinks?"

"Hell, yes!" Suzy and I replied in unison.

The three of us burst into laughter before he turned and headed towards the bar.

Fifteen minutes of a "Zoolander" quoting battle with Suzy later, Jackson hadn't returned.

_Oh, man… A fan got a hold of him. I bet if I walked into the back alley right now, he's either dry humping one or I'll find him dismembered. Someone went "Selena's fan club president" on his ass! Not the ass! His ass is too sweet for dismemberment, damn it!_

Suzy and I exchanged knowing glances, and she gave me the "Calm the fuck down" eyes. No sooner had she done so that we heard Jackson calling for us. I turned to face the direction of his voice and noticed Nikki Reed by his side.

"_Senoritas_, I'd like you to meet Nikki. Nikki, this is Iris and Suzy, the girls I told you about. I wanted Nikki to know who you two were before the concert started since you'll be standing in the same reserved space. Ashley should be along any second," he explained while handing us our drinks.

Suzy and I did the customary "Hi, nice to meet you" and handshake with Nikki. Jackson excused himself and headed into a back room behind the stage leaving the three of us. I could tell that she was a little uncomfortable by the way she kept shifting the weight from her left leg to her right and back again.

_Maybe she has to pee_.

Then I figured it was probably due to the fact that she was often being cornered about who she was and the people she worked with, so I tried to engage her in small talk about the most random shit I could think of. Suzy jumped in not too long after, and the tension died down. Ashley joined our trio right as the band was hitting the stage. Just as friendly as she seemed in her interviews, she introduced herself and gave us a big smile.

For the next two hours, the boys of 100 Monkeys did their thang. They rocked, they jammed out, they did crazy little dances. At every move and note, the girls shrieked like banshees. On more than one occasion, Suzy's eyes met mine and I could tell I was in for a world of hurt when we got back to the house. I would worry about her later, though. I was too busy having fun and taking pictures. I couldn't help but dance and smile throughout the whole thing. They really knew how to put on a show, and despite the fact that I wasn't super familiar with their lyrics, I was having a blast.

Nikki, Ashley, Suzy, and I kept making comments here and there about the girls in the audience and the way the boys moved onstage. It seemed otherworldly to be having these little observations and conversations with them, but they didn't seem to regard Suzy and I as part of the rabid fan base. By the end of the concert, we were all getting along pretty well, I thought.

The guys finished up their set, played an off-the-cuff song using a word someone from the audience threw out - which I think was "jello" - and then freestyled for a bit. Suzy and I were getting ready to leave with the rest of the audience when Ashley grabbed her buzzing phone and stopped us.

"Jackson wants to know if you guys can hang around for a bit."

_Well, that's just a silly question._

"Um, I'm down, but I'm not the one driving tonight. Suz?"

I looked to her and gave her my sweetest smile hoping she wouldn't break my heart by saying no.

"_Esta bien_. My last drink was an hour ago, but it wouldn't hurt if I waited a little bit longer."

After the set had been broken down and twenty minutes went by, Jackson finally emerged.

_He's sweaty. Sweaty Jackson equals verbal diarrhea. Keep your sentences short and sweet, or you're gonna be in some serious shit for sexual harassment._

"You stayed! We're just gonna hang around for a bit and have some drinks. Thought you might wanna join us. Is that cool?"

"Gee, I don't know, Wally. I gotta check my schedule with the Beav first. I'm pretty sure the Queen of England and I were supposed to get our nails done together," I sarcastically replied as I rolled my eyes.

"This one's got a mouth on her!" Nikki laughed.

"Ugh, you don't know the half of it."

Leave it to Suzy to jump on the bandwagon.

"Hey, J," I heard someone call in a sweet voice.

I turned to see who was speaking to him and did my best to keep my jaw from dropping when I saw The Stew herself emerge from behind the curtain close to the stage. Right behind her was Rob. Even though they were dressed as though they were hanging out at home with old friends, flannel shirts and baseball caps in place, they still looked drop dead gorgeous. As they walked closer to the bar where we were standing, I could've sworn I heard a "Hallelujah" chorus.

Jackson introduced Suzy and I to them, and I was shocked to find that they knew who we were.

"Jackson told us what happened this afternoon and said that you two would be here."

_Ay, Madre de Dios_!

I wasn't prepared for the force that the accent would unleash. I tried to stifle a giggle as "Bad Things" by Jace Everett popped in my head.

Nikki and Ashley disappeared to the bathroom, leaving the five of us to chit-chat for a bit. When they returned and after another round of introductions took place when the rest of the band joined us, Jackson ordered a round for everyone except Suzy, who kept joking that I would be deported if a cop pulled us over because she had been drinking.

An hour and I don't know how many drinks later, I was sitting at the bar with Jackson and Suzy when her phone went off. I took this time to notice that the rest of the cast was at the other end of the bar, and the rest of the Monkeys were sitting at a table doing shots.

"_Nena_, are you seriously calling me at this hour?"

Suzy excused herself and walked out to finish her phone call.

"She's gonna be out there for a while. Her roommate is the only person who ever calls this late, and that's because she's trashed. Some sordid tale of throwing up in a cab or her ending up without a bra in Union Square is sure to follow," I laughed.

"Wow. I really need to get out more. Okay, so you were telling me about this house you guys are staying at. You said it's like a mansion. Elaborate."

He took a swig of his beer and motioned with his hand for me to continue.

"I don't know if I can accurately describe its gorgeousness. Well, it's a two-story, but it's ginormous. It's not directly in the city, so it's not surrounded by people all the time. When you walk in the front door, the first thing you notice is that most of the entire bottom floor is one giant room. _Giant_, without any walls to distinguish separate rooms. Directly to your left from the front door entrance is a dining room table that seats fifteen or twenty people. You know how we Mexicans reproduce like bunnies," I joked. "Up more to the left is this amazing kitchen with an island. It has a state-of-the-art fridge and stove. And the best part of the kitchen is that it has a dishwasher!"

"A dishwasher? Why's that so grand?"

"For people who grew up having to wash dishes for a home that normally has no less than five or six people in it, a dishwasher is a Godsend. Okay, so directly to the right of the front door is a piano. Up more to the right is the living room, fully furnished with a fireplace, a huge ass flatscreen, and the comfiest couches I've ever sat on. Further to the back of the room is the staircase that leads up to the five rooms on the second floor. _Five_ rooms! And every single one has its own bathroom. I'm still wiggin out about it. Um, if you walk past the staircase, on the right is a hallway that leads to a master bedroom and another two rooms, also with their own bathroom. So, past the kitchen is the laundry room, and then past that is a screened-in porch. The best part, though, is the basement. It's divided into two parts. There's a play room that has a pool table and arcade games and other crap that I love to mess around with. The other part of the basement, my absolute fave," I rubbed my hands together in excitement, "is the movie theater. It seats twenty people or something crazy like that. An entire wall is used as the screen. The surround sound is killer! There's also a little stage directly in front of the screen that divides it from the seats. Juanita told me that they use it for karaoke. There's even a piano on wheels off to the side."

I was bouncing in my seat as I tried to accurately describe the house.

"Shit. How long do you get to stay there?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"She said I could stay as long as I wanted. I have no immediate plans to vacate, because that house is too sweet to leave. Oh! And I didn't even tell you about the backyard. Once you step outta the porch, you walk out into this backyard that goes on for, like, ever. It has a barbecue pit and everything. You could probably stuff two hundred people back there and still have room for all of Rob's flannel shirts," I cackled. "And to add to the dollar signs, there's also a heated pool that has a retracting ceiling thingy in case you wanna go swimming when it's raining or snowing. You know, come to think of it, I may never leave. You can't find that shit in Bay Ridge."

"You can't find what in Bay Ridge?"

Suzy was walking back towards us, her face registering that she was clearly flustered over the phone call.

"The house we're staying at. How's the roomie?"

"Trashed. She wanted to tell me how much she loves me. She then went on about how she's single and lonely and blah blah blah. I love that girl, but her drunken phone calls are getting to be as bad as yours."

Suzy wiggled her eyebrows at me.

_Oh, you'll pay for that, bitch. Maybe I'll throw some blue food coloring into your shampoo if you're not careful._

"Hardi-fucking-har, wench. Don't make me tell everyone about that thing you did that one time at that one place with that group of people."

I raised my eyebrows at her, challenging her to say something else in retaliation. She froze.

_Gotcha!_

"And on that note, I think we should get going. It's late, and we still have to get up relatively early so we can grocery shop if you're making enchiladas tomorrow," she stated.

As I was about to excuse myself and thank Jackson for everything, Nikki ran over.

"Who's making enchiladas?"

"Um, me. Why? You wanna come over for dinner tomorrow?" I sarcastically responded.

I laughed and took another swig of my beer, finally finishing it.

_I need to stop drinking and get the hell outta here. I'm embarrassing the crap outta myself again._

She looked at me almost sheepishly.

"Well, I haven't had homemade enchiladas in a while. Would it be a problem? I can chip in for the ingredients and whatnot."

"For realzies?"

_This cannot be happening_.

"I'm not a great cook, but you're more than welcome to join us."

I turned to Jackson and did my best to not drunkenly ask the following question.

_Now or never, bitch. Just ask. The worst he could do is say no._

"You in the mood for enchiladas tomorrow? I warn you: I'm not my _madre_, and she's the one that makes them the best."

By the end of the invitation, I couldn't even look at him and began digging through my purse, pretending to look for something.

"Sure. I miss authentic Mexican food. What time should we be there?"

_I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up._

"Is six okay? I don't know what your schedules are, but I can change the time if you need me to."

"Nah, six is good," he smiled.

He stood and gave both Suzy and I a hug.

_He _does_ like her. He needed an excuse to hug her, so he hugged us both._

"Thanks for coming out tonight."

He directed his gaze towards the rest of his cast at the end of the bar.

"Oh! And thanks for not humping Rob. He was a little worried when I told him that I was putting two random people I met today by the stage," he laughed.

"I was not!" Rob proclaimed.

He came striding up to us, beer in hand, and playfully jabbed Jackson in the side. It made me drunkenly giggle.

"Alright, we're off. See you tomorrow, I guess. Oh, and you'll probably need this."

As I mumbled about what a dumbass I was being, I took out a pen from my bag and wrote my cell number on one of the napkins on the bar.

"Just message me tomorrow, and I'll give you the address and directions if you need them."

I was smiling from ear to ear by that point, a combination of giving Jackson my number and the drunk feeling from all the beer I had.

"What's with the megawatt smile?"

I looked up and saw Jackson leaning with his back against the bar, elbows propped up. It looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh.

"Adrenaline," I giggled.

I fucking _giggled_… like a schoolgirl.

Jackson and Suzy broke out into crazy laughter, and I felt my face get hot.

Suzy and I said goodbye and thank you to the band and cast before she escorted my stumbling ass out of the bar.

"Did that shit really just happen?" I asked as Suzy started the car.

"Yep. You do realize that you just dug an even bigger grave for yourself, right?"

"Shit! I'm not gonna make it outta this dinner alive, am I?"

I started chewing on the inside of my mouth, one of my nervous habits.

Suzy laughed, shook her head, and began pulling out of the parking lot.

"This is going to be hysterical!"

* * *

_**Ay pinche = Oh, bitch**_

_**Bueno bueno? = Okay okay?**_

_**Puta = Slut**_

_**Senoritas = Ladies**_

_**Esta bien = That's fine**_

_**Ay, Madre de Dios = Oh, Mother of God**_

_**Nena = term of endearment for a female friend**_

_**Madre = Mother**_

**Reviews are like 100 Monkeys: amazingly awesome.**


	5. 4Real 4Real

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / PQ2zhk**

* * *

"_LSD: The only conclusion I have to explain what has happened to me in the past 24 hours_."

Send.

"I can't believe you tweeted that!" Suzy yelled as she came bouncing into my room a few minutes later. "People are gonna start thinking you actually do drugs or something."

She set her phone down on the dresser and then sat on the edge of my bed.

"I can't make sense of it, so this whole thing _has_ to be an acid trip."

Not that I knew what an acid trip is like or anything. I was just assuming crazy ass hallucinations are part of it. If it wasn't for my drunken state, I wouldn't have been able to fall asleep the night before. My head was swimming with questions and concerns. I was still having difficulty wrapping my hungover mind around everything.

"You're a freak," she laughed. "Breakfast?"

"Ugh, no. Please don't mention food right now unless you wanna witness projectile vomiting. But you could be an angel and get me something for this headache," I replied with my best puppy dog face.

Suzy shot back about me being a baby – and also about not wanting to experience a repeat of a New Year's incident both she and I would love to forget - and left the room. She returned with an entire bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of water. She informed me that it was almost 11am and that we should head to the grocery store soon.

"Knowing you, you'll probably take the entire day to clean this house even though it's already spotless. You wouldn't want people to think that you're a bad Mexican or anything."

She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout and then began to hysterically laugh. Before I could throw a pillow at her, she ran out of the room.

An hour later, freshly showered and no longer smelling of sleep and beer, Suzy and I found ourselves at the grocery store, searching up and down the aisles for tonight's dinner.

"Do you think it's just gonna be him and Nikki joining us? I mean, should I make more food just in case?"

I stared at the packaged ground beef and wondered just how many pounds I should get. I shuddered as I took in all of the dead animal nicely displayed along the back wall of the supermarket.

_Poor cows._

"Oh, you'd just _love_ for more people to show up, wouldn't you? It's like your freaking dream come true."

Before I could even call her a bitch, my phone buzzed with a text message. I didn't recognize the number but opened the message anyway.

_Dinner still a go tonight?_

My jaw dropped, and then I began to giggle.

_I gotta keep this giggling thing under control._

I just couldn't help it, though. The man had my number, and he was actually using it! As I was typing a response, my phone buzzed again.

_This is J Action, by the way. :)_

"Why do you look like the Cheshire Cat?"

Suzy leaned over my shoulder and read the messages. As she moved away from me, she stuck her right index finger down her throat and made a gagging noise.

"A little hypocritical showing your potential to be a bulimic while standing in a grocery store, don't you think?" I laughed.

_Dinner tonight is definitely a go. Favor? Ask other people to join. I don't want them thinking they're not invited. The more the merrier. P.S. Head count would help, so I know how much to make._

After thirty minutes of pushing the shopping cart around and throwing whatever I needed in, my phone buzzed again.

_Done. Nikki, Kristen, Ashley, Alex, Xavier, Ben G, Jerad, and I are definites. A maybe here and there._

As I read over the message, I nearly dropped my iPhone. Knowing that it would take an apocalypse before I would ever damage my precious electronic device, Suzy shuffled over asking what was wrong. I whispered the list of people attending, and her jaw dropped. She may not have been a fan of anything _Twilight_, but even she knew how monumental that list was.

"Wow… Home-cooked meals must be really appealing to them these days," she replied.

_Check and double check. Any allergies or vegetarians I should know about?_

I turned the shopping cart down another aisle and found myself in the beer section. Suzy and I made eye contact, nodded in unison, and charged full force to open the doors. Two 12 packs of Bud Light, two 12 packs of Heineken, and two 12 packs of Corona later, I was pretty sure we had enough beer to cover dinner.

_None at all. As long as it's food, we'll eat it. ;)_

I quickly messaged him the address to the house, scooted up and down the aisles for more ingredients, and finally made my way to the register.

"Are you going to explain to Juanita why this week's grocery bill is going to be super duper high?" Suzy asked.

When Juanita's family had insisted I take the house, I was also given the privilege of using the account they had set up with the local grocery store. Juanita's mom wouldn't even let me try to wiggle my out of it. She said that I must be crazy if I thought she would allow me to use her home and not even offer to have the fridge stocked.

"I'm gonna call her later and tell her what's going on. They said I could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, that money wasn't an issue, but I'll let her know anyways. Besides, I have to tell her what's going on. She'd find a way to have my ass deported if she found out that I was keeping this from her," I cackled.

We left the store, loaded the groceries into the car, and headed back to the house. After putting everything away, we had a light lunch and strategized over who was going to clean what.

"You putting on the mariachi/cleaning playlist, or are you going with the dance mix?"

Suzy knew that I usually cleaned with the mariachi playlist as it always reminded me of how things were done back home.

"Dance mix for sure. I need to dance the nerves outta my system. I don't wanna think about what's gonna go down tonight."

I plugged my iPhone into the sound system directly underneath the flatscreen in the living room and smiled as Lady Gaga filtered out of the speakers that were placed all over the house.

Two hours later, I had swept, Swiffered, dusted, Swiffered again, Pledged, Windexed, and Mr. Cleaned every surface imaginable on the bottom floor. As I stood in the middle of the room with the cleaning sponge in my hand, I couldn't help but think that my mother would've been a proud Mexican mama. I put my cleaning arsenal away and headed upstairs to where Suzy was supposed to be tidying up the bedrooms. I found her in the fourth bedroom Swiffering away.

"I'm done downstairs."

"Well, you look like shit, so I would imagine so. I'm almost done here, and then I'm gonna go track mud through the bottom floor of the house."

"Touch that bottom floor, and I'll shave your eyebrows off while you're sleeping! Now, I'm gonna sit out on the back porch and call Juanita. I'll find you when I'm done."

I headed into my bedroom and found my pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I walked out to the back porch, sat on the oh-so-comfy couch, and breathed deeply, wondering how I was going to lay this all out for her. I lit up knowing that this conversation would be the furthest thing she could have imagined happening. As I hit her pre-programmed speed dial button, I suddenly became very nervous, though I didn't know why.

"Hey! Mom and I were taking bets to see how long it would take you to call. I just lost! Where the hell have you been?"

I threw my head back and cackled. It was wonderful to hear her voice.

"Robbing banks, sleeping with everything that moves, running from a knife-wielding Suzy. Sorry about the delay in calling. I got caught up with doing nothing. It was nice."

"_Bueno_. That's what the purpose of this trip is for. So, everything's good?"

"Um, better than good actually. It's been… It's been interesting. Listen, are you sitting down? Good. I have something pretty big to tell you. I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just come out and say it."

I took a big drag, released it, and prepared for whatever she was going to throw at me.

"Suzy and I partied with some of the cast of _Eclipse_ last night," I rushed out.

There was a good ten seconds of nothing but quiet. Then, all I could hear was an uproar of laughter.

"Oh, my God! That's a good one. Partied with the cast of _Eclipse_, my ass. Ha! You get funnier every day. _En serio. Que has hecho_?" she asked through laughter.

"Juanita, _no estoy jugando._ I'm being dead ass serious. I don't even believe it myself, but it happened."

I spoke slowly and calmly, something I never do, which caught her attention.

"Wait. You're serious? Like fucking serious? On Mariah, you're not joking around?!"

She was starting to yell into the phone, and I had to hold it away from my ear so that my eardrums wouldn't start bleeding.

"On Mariah, I'm not joking around."

I proceeded to tell her everything. I recounted the incident with the little boy, the walk I took with Jackson, the concert invitation, the concert itself, and the drinking session after the concert. She would start freaking out during certain points of the story, but when I told her that Kristen and Rob were there and that Suzy and I briefly chatted with them, she screamed bloody murder. I had to wait a few minutes as her mom had apparently run over and calmed her down. Juanita explained why she was freaking the fuck out, and then I heard her mom scream bloody murder.

_TwiMoms are some hardcore bitches. They're just as bad as the rest of the fans._

After Juanita's mom had composed herself, Juanita put me on speakerphone and had me recount everything again. They were both back to shrieking like banshees by the time I finished.

"I can't believe it! I'm so jealous," Juanita yelped.

"Well, there's more," I replied hesitantly.

I hadn't told them about the dinner, yet.

"I don't know if I can handle more," Juanita's mom groaned.

"Well, I wanted to tell you that I went to the grocery store today and that the bill for today's trip would be a lot more than what it was last week when I went." I cleared my throat. "As Suzy and I were leaving last night, she mentioned going shopping, so I could make her enchiladas. Nikki overheard and asked if she could join us."

"Shut the fuck up!" they yelled in unison.

"Jackson texted me this morning to make sure dinner was still going on as planned –"

"He has your number?!"

"Juanita, shut up! Lemme get this out," I laughed. "He only has it so that I could give him directions to the house. Anyway, I asked him to spread the word about dinner. I didn't want to leave anyone out. He messaged me back with a good six or seven names. And before you freak out again, Robert is not one of the people coming tonight."

"Wait, so you're cooking for famous and drop dead gorgeous people? Damn… I shoulda listened to mom when she said it would get me far in life."

"So, I hope it's okay that I'm having this dinner thingy. It's your house and all, so I probably shoulda checked with you before I started doling out invites."

"You really think we'd be upset by that? _Estas loca_. Cook and have fun! And I want a phone call tomorrow about everything that went down, you hear me? Every. Single. Word."

I could practically hear her furrowing her brow at me.

We talked for a few more minutes, and then I had to excuse myself since I still had to shower. I ended the call and grabbed the ashtray to dump it out. I ran upstairs and found Suzy to tell her how the convo went down. She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"I'll never get what it is you people see in _Twilight_. I think I'm the only person on the planet who hasn't gone batshit over it."

"Jump on the bandwagon, bitch."

Around 4pm, Suzy and I plugged my iPhone back into the sound system - only listening to Selena as it wsa the only music I listened to when I cooked - and began working on the enchiladas. I had decided to make two large casseroles of regular enchiladas and one medium sized vegetarian one for the two of us. I had also bought ingredients to make my mom's _arroz_ and a salad to go on the side. I was so nervous about making sure that everything tasted well – tasted well for my cooking skills, anyway – that I didn't let Suzy anywhere near the enchiladas or _arroz_. I told her she could handle the salad. She replied by throwing a head of lettuce at me.

After everything had been prepped for the enchiladas and the _arroz_ had been made, I set them aside so Suzy and I could go shower and get ready. By 5:45, we were both showered and ready to feed the masses. While I wanted to up the outfit, I decided not to, figuring going casual was better. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard even though I was trying super duper hard.

As I walked around the bottom floor to make sure everything was still shiny, I immediately felt a wave of panic come over as I remembered something that might have made this dinner totally disastrous.

"Dude, you're gonna be on your best behavior tonight, right? Please promise me that you will be," I pleaded.

"What are you talking about? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because Kristen's coming."

For as long as Twilight had been around, Suzy had voiced her general dislike of The Stew. As she would often state, she didn't like the "permanent scowl attached to her face" or the way she didn't seem appreciative of her fans. I, of course, argued back and stated that The Stew did and said what she wanted, didn't apologize to anybody because she didn't give a fuck, was uber talented, and _that's_ why her fans loved her. I would throw out words like "fierce" and "badass," but Suzy still didn't get it. In fact, she always stated she wanted to do some serious bodily damage to her if she ever got the chance. I threatened to set her hair on fire if she did.

"Was I raised in a barn? Come on. I can keep it civil for a couple of hours." She sighed and then mumbled, "She wasn't so bad last night."

"Whoohoo!"

I stretched my arms up over my head as if I had just won an Olympic medal or something. I then proceeded to fist-pump.

"Yeah, well… She still needs to smile more. That scowl isn't doing anything for her."

"Pffft. I'll be sure to tell her that the moment she walks through the door," I said as I rolled my eyes.

Just then, the doorbell rang. I nearly jumped out of my flip flops and immediately started having trouble breathing.

"Are you gonna hyperventilate or go answer the door?" Suzy smirked.

"I don't know. I'm thinking," I mumbled as I walked over to the door.

I took a giant breath in and then turned the handle, pulling to open the door.

There, in all his gorgeousness, was Jackson. I exhaled the breath I'd been holding and smiled. I moved to the side to allow him through.

_Dear _God_, he looks like sex on legs._

"Hey!" he exclaimed as he walked through the door. "See? 6pm. Right on time."

"We wouldn't have been if I hadn't driven like a maniac."

Nikki came bounding through the front door shaking her head.

"I couldn't find my shoes!" Ashley piped up from the front porch. "And it took forever to find a way out without being spotted."

At first, I just stood there taking everything they said in. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The absolute craziness of the situation and my nervous self collided, and I doubled over in laughter.

"What?" the three of them asked in unison, only causing me to laugh even more.

When I started to snort, Suzy stepped in.

"Sorry. She's probably just high from all the cleaning fumes."

"I'm sorry," I said as I calmed down. "I'm just losing my mind."

"There's not much left to lose," Suzy laughed.

The rest of the list filtered through the front door all saying hi, followed by Jackson introducing us to Xavier. When Kristen came in, she gave us a tight-lipped smile, a head nod, and a wave. Before Suzy could say anything about it, I spotted Alex coming through the door and chimed up.

"_Hola. Mucho gusto_," I said as I gave him my hand to shake.

"_Mucho gusto._"

He took my hand, shook it, and then pulled me in for a customary kiss on the cheek.

"It's nice to see a fellow member of _La Raza_. There aren't enough of us this far up," he laughed.

"Ugh, you just made her year. Hi, I'm Suzy. I may not be Mexican, but I can sure curse like one."

She extended her hand, and he shook it while laughing.

"Um, we still have about fifteen minutes before the enchiladas are ready. I just have to throw them in the oven so that the cheese melts. Do you guys want a tour in the meantime?"

I quickly ran to the kitchen, threw the three casserole dishes into the oven, and then motioned for them to follow me.

_I hope I cleaned everything. I'll look like a dumbass if something's dirty._

I took them through the rest of the house, starting on the top floor. I took them outside to see the porch, the barbecue pit, and the swimming pool. I left the rec room and the movie theater last. Stepping in to the theater, they murmured their approval.

"Wow. You weren't joking. Is there a DVD collection or something that goes with this?" Jackson asked.

I scooted over to a panel on the wall and pushed a button located on the side. Four large panel doors moved to the left exposing approximately six hundred DVDs. I was smiling like crazy at my collection. It was one of the things in my life I truly cherished.

"I can't believe they have all of these!" Nikki exclaimed.

"Girl, please. I wish they belonged to Juanita. These belong to Iris. You wouldn't believe the hassle it took us to box them and get them shipped here. She almost started to cry when she took them to the post office. She kept saying, 'What if they're not treated correctly during the move?'"

"Seriously? Can we go _one_ day without you embarrassing the crap outta me?" I bitched, throwing my arms up over my head. "And don't act like you don't love my collection. It keeps us busy on the weekends," I pointed out as we started to walk out of the theater.

Before I made it through the door, I heard a voice behind me.

"_The Wedding Singer_?"

I turned around and found Jackson staring at something in his hand. As I moved closer, I noticed he was holding _The Wedding Singer_ and was smirking.

"Yeah. It's great, isn't it?"

"I've never actually seen it."

_That is unacceptable!_

"That is unacceptable! How can you have not seen _The Wedding Singer_? It's a classic! What's wrong with you?" I wondered, shaking my head at him. "You, mister, need to need to check seeing this movie off your To Do list. We understand one another?"

I ended by placing my hands on my hips and giving him a glare.

"Yikes. Alright, I'll get around to watching it," he laughed.

He replaced the DVD, and we exited the theater. As we climbed the stairs, I tried to give him the finer points of the movie so that his interest was further piqued. By the time we got into the kitchen, I had made him pinky promise me that he would see it soon.

"I'm hungry! Can we eat now?" Ben pouted while leaning on the island in the kitchen.

"Easy, killer. Lemme get the food outta the oven, and then you can chow down. Why don't you get everyone to the table so this goes a little faster?"

As I turned to get the plates out of the cupboard, I heard Ben yell, "Get your asses to the table so I can eat!"

His declaration was followed by Jerad calling him a douche, and I laughed loudly. I started gathering the utensils when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned my head to see who it was.

"You need any help?" Kristen asked.

"Um, sure. Could you grab drinks for everyone at the table? The beer's chilling in the freezer, and there's bottled water and soda in the fridge," I smiled.

I looked over at Suzy and gave her the smuggest look I could. She followed it up by showing me her favorite finger.

Suzy, Kristen, and I made quick work of getting the table set, everyone's choice of drink out, and getting the salad, enchiladas, and _arroz_ out to the table, which effectively calmed Ben down.

"Um, I can serve everyone individually if you like…"

I didn't realize until then that it would've probably been easier to just go buffet style with all of the food placed on the kitchen counter.

"Hon, sit down. We'll all just serve ourselves. You're not here to work," Ashley replied with a smile.

I took the seat that Suzy had saved for me, which was oh-so-conveniently located between her and Jackson, toward the far end of the table. Across the way from the three of us were Alex, Nikki, and Kristen. The others were seated on the other end of the table. Everyone fell into casual conversation as they began to serve themselves and eat.

Over the next hour, everyone would alternate between eating, laughing hysterically, participating in small conversation, complimenting us on the food, and yelling at Ben. Every thought I had over the day, which ranged from "I didn't make enough food" to "They're not gonna like it" to "I'm gonna give a Cullen or a Monkey food poisoning," was erased from my mind.

The tension eased out of me, and I found it very easy to weave myself into the conversations going on. Even still, I was always hyper aware of Jackson sitting next to me. I was tense about the proximity of his body to mine without being tense about the situation in general, if that makes sense.

"That was really good." Jackson leaned over and nudged my arm.

"Good? You can tell she used _chile de arbol _and not the fake stuff. You can't get enchiladas like this unless they're home-cooked," Alex piped up.

I could feel my face getting hot and mumbled a thank you. I quickly stood and started gathering the empty plates from the table. Xavier and Suzy stood and helped clear the utensils and empty bottles. Placing the forks and knives in the sink, he thanked Suzy and I for dinner. Grabbing more beer for the table from the freezer, the three of us headed back. As I opened what was probably my fifth or sixth beer of the night, though I was already starting to feel a little drunk, Alex began to mention the type of music he liked.

"Nope. There's no way!" he exclaimed.

"What? Just because you're a man, you think you're better?"

I took another swig of my beer and set it down on the table. I noticed that everyone else was now listening to Alex and I playfully argue.

"I don't think. I _know_," he smirked.

"Dude, she may look little, but you have no idea how loud she can get. My money's on her," Suzy laughed.

When Alex began to rattle off his list of favorite singers, I asked why Vicente Fernandez wasn't on it. I mean, the man is Mexico's own Frank Sinatra. It's blasphemous to be Mexican and not love him. He stated that he liked some of his music but steered away from songs that threw in the typical Mexican _grito_, because he felt that the background singer never did it correctly. When I mentioned to him that I was pretty good at it, he quickly laughed and said he was sure he was better. I made the mistake of laughing in his face.

_It's strange how so much can change in the course of an hour's conversation._

"Listen, we can be adults about this, can't we? We'll just have to settle this once for and all," I replied nonchalantly.

"And how are you going to prove that you're better than me?"

I quickly stood up, gulped down the rest of my beer, and said, "I challenge you. Right here, right now."

"You're kidding," Jackson and Nikki laughed in unison.

"Nope. Let's go, Meraz. I mean, that is unless you're too chicken to get beaten by a girl," I teased, giving him my best pouty face.

The table taunted him while he debated whether to give in to my challenge. Finally, Alex stood up and firmly nodded his head.

I motioned for him to follow me as I walked across the bottom floor of the house, through the back porch's door, and into the backyard I heard a hustle of footsteps behind me and turned to find that the entire table was on our heels. Ashley and Jerad were pretending to bet on the outcome.

Once we were standing in the middle of the backyard, fully lit by the flood lights that were located on the roof of the porch and the strategically placed miniature lampposts around the perimeter, I turned to Alex.

"Ready whenever you are, _senor_."

"Ladies first," he smirked.

"Nope. Not a chance. Besides, beauty before age," I laughed.

I placed my hands on my hips and flung my hair over my shoulder while I waited for him to begin.

As he was singing the scales in an attempt to "warm up his _grito_ voice," as he put it, I had to cover my mouth with both hands to keep from laughing out loud. It was then I heard Suzy commenting to the crowd, practically sounding like a golf announcer.

"Iris doesn't need to warm up. She'll simply rub her hands together in anticipation, crack her neck, and then let it out," she whispered.

"Ready? Alright. Prepare to be schooled," Alex said before he cleared his throat.

He straightened his body, rolled his shoulders back, and closed his eyes. We all waited for a few seconds, and when he finally threw his _grito_ out, it slightly startled me.

_What? Are you kidding me? He really thinks _that_ is going to stand up against mine? Pfffft. I should probably let him think he's won…_

It's amazing how brave I can get when I've had quite a number of beers in me.

"Wow…" I whispered. "I mean, damn! That was really good."

I put my hands in my jean pockets, ducked my head so I was looking at the ground, and began to shift back and forth.

"Ha! I knew it!"

He was beaming at the thought of having beaten me, and it took every ounce of control I had to not just let my _grito_ rip.

I looked over to the crowd who now had their eyes fixed on me. Suzy, knowing that he had no chance in hell of beating me, kept her smirk firmly planted on her face. Nikki scrunched her face up a bit and lightly punched the air with her fists, her way of showing support, I guess. I looked over at Jackson who was smiling wildly. I stood there for a few seconds, taking him in, when Alex's voice brought me out of my haze.

"You can't back out now, _muchacha_. Show me what you got."

He was grinning like an idiot and then, ever so quietly, began humming the _Rocky_ theme song.

I sighed, trying my best to sound defeated. As Suzy predicted, I rubbed my hands together and cracked my neck. For a split second, my heart began to pound out of embarrassment of what I was doing. I quickly shoved the feeling aside, closed my eyes, and readied myself. I sucked in a deep breath, and with all I had, I let my _grito _out.

Silence.

It was so quiet, I could hear the crickets when they began to chirp again.

I opened my eyes and caught the look of disbelief on Alex's face. There's no way to describe it other than to say it was an "I just got played" look.

I turned around to face the group of people I knew were staring me. Everyone but Suzy had a portion of Alex's disbelieving look on their face.

"Holy fuck!" Kristen exclaimed.

She began to clap, and the rest of the dinner party burst into laughter.

After the initial shock wore off, we all began to move our way back into the house. Alex and I exchanged hugs as a peace offering, and he laughed at how we had gotten caught up in our little competition. We all settled in the living room portion of the ground floor, though nobody made any motion to sit down. We all stood around and chatted for about twenty minutes when Kristen spoke up.

"We should probably get going. We've got an early call time in the morning."

"Crap. I still have to pack," Suzy grimaced. "We have to leave pretty early, too. You're still driving me to the airport, right?" she asked, turning to look at me.

"No, _tonta_, I'm gonna make you walk there," I joked.

Everybody began to gather their things and make their way to the front door. Since there was still half a casserole dish of enchiladas left, I insisted that someone take it with them. To keep from having Ben eat it on the car ride home, Ashley offered to take it. I opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch to see them off. Nikki gave me a hug and thanked me for the dinner and the laughs. Ben demanded that Suzy and I cook for him again, earning him a playful slap upside the head from Xavier. Alex departed with his toothy grin but not without demanding a rematch. Ashley and Jared gave Suzy and I quick hugs, each walking out to one of the two cars I hadn't previously realized they had arrived in.

As Jackson stepped out onto the porch, Suzy thanked him for joining us and excused herself, claiming she had to start packing.

"Thanks for dinner. I had a blast. _We_ had a blast. Well, everyone but Alex, I think," he laughed.

"Serves him right, man," I smiled.

"That was probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen. The look on – "

"Jackson, let's go! Ben's getting antsy!" Jerad yelled.

"Freaking goofball," he said while rolling his eyes. "I guess that's my cue."

"Thanks for making it tonight. Tell everyone I said I'm more than happy to provide food again, if they're up to it."

Out of sheer boldness, or maybe it was the beer still flowing through my veins, I leaned into his side, put my arm around his waist, and gave him an awkward side hug. I felt his arm go around my shoulders and give a squeeze. I pulled away as I felt my face getting hot.

"Alright, off you go before Ben starts biting into the car's upholstery."

He laughed and said goodbye before bounding down the front porch steps. I stood there and watched them start the cars and drive away. Even after they had been gone for a while, I couldn't get my legs to move.

"Was it good for you?" I heard Suzy purr in a fake husky voice.

I threw my head back and laughed. I turned to find her leaning into the door's frame with a huge smile on her face, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Oh, yeah. I'm just tingly all over," I sarcastically replied.

"I'm sure you are," she chuckled.

As we made our way inside the house and up the stairs to get Suzy packed, she made sure to let me in on the googly faces I had made at Jackson all night. When she saw that I was about to panic, she quickly threw out that she only noticed because she was aware of all my facial expressions and that she was sure nobody else noticed. After I let out my sigh of relief, she turned her back to me.

"Well, I'm assuming they didn't notice," I heard her mumble.

_Shit shit shit!_

* * *

_**Bueno – Good**_

_**En serio. Que has hecho? – Seriously. What have you been doing?**_

_**No estoy jugando – I'm not playing**_

_**Estas loca – You're crazy**_

_**Arroz - Rice**_

_**Hola. Mucho gusto – Hi. It's a pleasure**_

_**La Raza – The (Mexican) Race**_

_**Chile de Arbol – Chili of the tree (commonly used Mexican pepper)**_

_**Grito – Yell**_

_**Muchacha – Girl**_

_**Tonta – Dumb girl**_

**Reviews are like Jackson hugs: Warm and flail-worthy.**


	6. Anytime You Need A Friend

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / QoxNyr  
**

* * *

Why do airports try to make themselves seem so inviting? Let's face it. They're death traps. Death traps that house larger death traps that could easily plummet to the ground or slam into a mountain. I hate flying. Always have. Always will. Especially at six in the morning.

"You'd think you were the one boarding a plane today. Geez. Loosen the hold on my bag before you break the strap."

"I'm definitely not going to miss that tone for the next four days."

I tried to keep my face as stern as possible, but I felt the corners of my mouth begin to twitch.

"Wait for it… Wait… And there it is! You know, you can't lie so I don't know why you bother trying. The twitching always gives you away," she laughed.

"Ugh, fine. I'm a horrible liar. You know it, I know it, and now that small group of people by the kiosk knows it, too. So, I leave you with your bag. I'm taking off before something bad happens. Airports don't give off good vibes."

I dramatically looked around, letting my hair whip Suzy in the face.

"Fucking drama queen. You're not in an episode of _LOST_. Just remember that," she scowled.

"I'm waiting for my very own Sawyer. A Sawyer with Hurley's humor. That's not too much to ask, is it?"

I purposely let my face get all dreamy-like to just further annoy her.

"That southern drawl, the hair, his ability to melt you with his smile… Yum!"

"Whatever, Psycho," she snorted. "Alright, gimme my shit and get outta here. I'll message you when I land in New York."

We exchanged quick hugs before I bolted out of the airport. As fast as I could, I walked to the parking lot and climbed into the car. Leaving the general vicinity, I was hit with both the feeling of being relieved and the knowing that I would miss Suzy. But it was only for four days so I knew I could deal. I just needed her back by Sunday for the Kings of Leon concert.

_There's no way I'm dealing with that mess without her here._

My iPhone started playing that little banjo song when I've gotten a text message.

_Stop freaking out about the concert. I'll be back before you know it. And, yes, I know what you're thinking at all times. Peace out, Mofo!_

It's with that text message that I came to the conclusion that she had a chip implanted in my head all those years ago.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself dragging my already sleepy legs up the front steps of Juanita's house. I tried not to let the fact that Suzy was gone or that the Kings of Leon concert was just around the corner or the fact that some of the world's most sought-after people had been in the house no less than twelve hours prior filter into my mind. All I wanted to concentrate on was getting into my PJs and back into bed.

Thanks to a pep talk from Suzy the night before that lasted until 2:30am, and if it wasn't for that damn banjo song, I would've slept all day. But I'd never been one to ignore my phone so I reluctantly reached over to the nightstand and blindly searched for it. It wasn't until then that I realized it was a little past noon and I silently cursed my laziness before hitting the text message icon.

_Now that Suzy's gone, who will you have to play with? – J Action_

I let out a small squeal as I read the message over and over. I think I may have even flailed my legs a bit.

_Oh, Jackson. If I was a much braver person, I'd turn this into an all sorts of nasty conversation. _

But because I was a chicken shit, I didn't even go there.

_I saw this homeless man on my drive back from the airport. Thought I might give him a call and see what he's doing for the next four days. What do you think? – I Action_

_Could work, but I highly doubt the urine smell would be appealing. "I Action?" – J Action_

_It worked for you. Just thought I'd try. How's your day going? – No Longer I Action_

_Same as all the other ones. Thought you should know that the leftovers are officially gone. Kellan, Taylor, and our director got a hold of them. Ashley had to keep them from licking the casserole dish. – J Action_

_Ha! That just brought all sorts of hilarious images to mind. – Iris_

_I wish I had recorded it. What are you doing for the rest of the day? – J Action_

_Cleaning up the dinner mess, and then probably settling in to have a movie marathon in the theater. You? – Iris_  
_Working. Don't know when I'll be done. Damn! Getting called to set, so I gotta run. P.S. Beware: Nikki now has your number. Expect a call. Laters! – J Action_

_Have fun, Silly. – Iris_

I remained in bed for a few minutes more before the reality of the text convo really hit me. Why the hell would Nikki want my number? Did she leave something here? And more importantly, why is Hottie McGreenEyes texting me? When did I step into an alternate universe? Why do I feel like Louise Miller from _Teen Witch_ all of a sudden?

Still reeling from my twenty questions game, I pulled myself out of bed. Deciding that the dishes were less important than my smelly self, I hopped in the shower. I lathered, rinsed, and repeated. But even the routine of my cleansing ritual did nothing to keep me from wondering just what was going on with this whole Jackson thing. As I moved on to getting dressed, I gave myself a headache trying to figure it all out. I mean, sure, the man had my number. I gave it to him for the purpose of giving him the address to the house for the dinner. He didn't need to use it anymore. But he was. And now Nikki had my number. Did that mean that they wanted to be friends?

_Me? Friends with famous people?_

I couldn't even let that idea get into my head. I'd be setting myself up for major disappointment if I did. Instead, I decided to let my Mexican ways get the best of me, and I made my way downstairs to clean up the previous night's mess. As always, I plugged in the iPhone and turned on my dance mix to get me into the mood. I may have been Mexican, but I hated washing dishes as much as the next person.

Almost an hour later, I finally had everything clean and sparkling. It was then that I heard the banjo song start up. Still standing in the kitchen, I turned to stare at my phone which was still plugged in across the way in the living room. I began to move out of the kitchen towards the phone, walking so slowly that you would've thought I was a teenager trying to sneak back into my house well after curfew. Once I reached it, I had a minor freak out, snatched it up, hit the text icon.

_I've landed. I paid a man in a yellow car $50 to get me home. And I am now realizing I left my favorite shoes there. I'll call you later tonight. P.S. Have you declared your undying adoration for the man who wears all the hats, yet? :P – Suzy_

_Thanks to that last comment, you will now be finding your fave shoes at the bottom of the pool. There will be no declaration of anything. Hasta pasta, Bitch. – Iris_

After my breathing had returned to normal, I sat on the couch and glared at her message. I didn't think I was being remotely obvious about how the man who had sat next to me made me all sorts of giddy. Suzy noticed but only because she knows what I'm like. I spent most of the pep talk with Suzy praying that nobody else had.

_What I need is a good distraction_.

And anytime I needed a distraction, I headed to the comfort of my DVD collection. I grabbed my phone, put some of the leftover salad into a bowl, and headed down into the theater. As I looked over my collection, I knew I was going to need something that would pull me in and not let go. As soon as I saw it, I knew I was done for.

_The Lord of the Rings _trilogy. Extended versions. Over ten hours of unadulterated Tolkien.

I placed the DVD in the player, grabbed the remote, and skipped my way over to one of those oversized, cushiony seats in the middle. As soon as Cate Blanchett's voice as Galadriel came over the sound system, I tuned out the chaos that was in my head and became entranced.

Just as the hobbits had made their way to the Prancing Pony, my phone banjoed again.

_I warned you. Incoming! – J Action_

Huh. That was weird. I shook off the cryptic message, but no sooner had I put my phone back in my lap did it go off again. This time, it played one of the seven gazillion Mariah Carey ringtones it held. I didn't recognize the number, but that was happening a lot lately, so I picked up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey! What are you doing?" asked the familiar female voice.

"Nikki?"

"Oh, yeah. It's me. Sorry. Forgot you didn't have my number. I got yours from J. I hope that's OK."

She posed it as if it was a real issue, and I chuckled.

"Nah, it's cool. He mentioned it to me earlier, actually. Um, did you forget something here?"

"Nope. Why? Did you find something?"

"I was just wondering why you would ask for my number. I thought maybe you left something here and you needed it to contact me and ask for it."

I was afraid to lay it all out there in one fail swoop knowing that I could possibly be right in why she asked for it. But if that's all it was, I wanted to get it done and over with, so I wouldn't speculate anymore.

"What? I can't call you? Now you're just hurting my feelings."

She made a sound that reminded me of a child who didn't get their way. I would've had a minor heart attack at her statement, but she also laughed as she pouted.

"Sorry. Just had to ask. What's going on?"

"Well, if you've already talked to J, then I'm assuming he told you that the enchiladas you sent us back with are gone."

"He did. He also mentioned Ashley having to hide the casserole dish," I cackled.

"That's putting it mildly. The reason I'm – Damn it, I'm trying to ask her. Fuck off! Gimme a minute!"

"Nikki, what's wrong?"

At this point, I couldn't hear anything she was saying. It was all muffled. It also sounded like she was fighting with someone, and the phone was caught in the middle. The whole thing lasted maybe ten seconds when it became quiet all of a sudden.

"Um, Nikki? You there?"

Out of nowhere, a male voice I somewhat recognized came through the phone.

"Iris? Is this Iris? May I call you Iris? Good. Kellan Lutz here. I have been made aware that you are the person behind the food I ate this afternoon. I'd like to know why I wasn't there last night to eat it with everyone else in the first place. Surely you wouldn't want me to feel left out."

_Is this really happening? And how did he manage to get all of that out in one breath?_

"Kellan? Are you done?" I laughed.

"Yep."

"Okay. First, it's nice to meet you. Second, I specifically asked Jackson to ask everyone over so that nobody would feel left out. Everyone was invited, so you only have yourself to blame if you weren't here. And third, don't call me Shirley."

I heard Nikki and Kellan break into laughter, and I figured I was on speakerphone at that point.

"I told you she wouldn't take your shit! You heard what happened with Alex," Nikki exclaimed.

It was then I heard another male voice come through the phone.

"Hey, Iris! Thanks for the food! It was way better than what they usually have at craft service."

"You're welcome, man with the deep voice. Now identify yourself," I replied with a laugh.

"Ha! It's Taylor Lautner."

"Well, you're welcome, Taylor."

"Are you going to cook for everyone again?" Kellan abruptly asked.

"We haven't even met her, and you're already asking her to cook for us. Come on, dude!" chastised Taylor.

Nikki and Kellan got into a tiny play fight over whether I should or not. By the time they were done, I was laughing so hard, I was snorting.

"Uh, guys? I didn't realize my food was a hot commodity, but I'm more than happy to cook again. I'm starting to wonder whether they keep you guys fed or not," I chuckled.

"They do, but it's usually restaurant food or take-out. We don't get much in the way of home-cooked while we're here. I mean, Peter cooks sometimes, but it's all Italian. There's only so much pasta a man can take," Kellan grumbled.

"Well, how about tomorrow night then? I don't know what your schedules are, but you guys are more than welcome to come over again."

"Would it be a problem if you came to the hotel instead? We have kitchens in our hotel rooms, though they never get used," Nikki asked.

"Um, yeah, I guess. That's fine with me if it's Okay with you. I just don't want you to feel weird about revealing where you troublemakers are staying during filming," I replied.

"Listen, I have my reasons. If you really wanna hear them, I'm happy to lay them out there for you. Bottom line, though? I like you, and I can tell you're not the type to screw us over, so... You're alright in my book, girl. Plus, I don't want you to feel like we're invading your house. We can be a lot to take. Especially Kellan," Nikki informed me with a laugh.

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Kellan chimed in, causing us all to roar in laughter.

"Alright, sounds good to me, then. I'll stop by the grocery store tomorrow and bring everything I need over. Just message me with when and where, and I'll be there."

We quickly finished up our conversation and hung up. As I stood there, my phone in hand, I disbelievingly tried to come to grips with the fact that I would be heading over to where the cast was staying. I mean, it was one thing to have them come to the house, because it was safe for everyone involved, especially the cast. Their private world was still private. They hadn't revealed anything to me about how and where they spent their free time. That little switcharoo was a big thing. It was like the Holy Grail for Twi-Hards.

I wrote myself a note about going grocery shopping the next day, hung it on the front of the fridge, and went back to the movie theater. I finished watching _Fellowship of the Ring_, got through all of _The Two Towers_, and 1/3 of the way through _Return of the King _before I took a phone call from Juanita.

_What the hell is she doing awake at this hour?_

I told her all about dinner, and she was back to screaming bloody murder. After thirty minutes, I couldn't take it anymore and told her I would call her later in the week. I didn't even get into the entire issue of me going to their hotel the following day. She would've never let me off the phone. As soon as I hung up, I realized how late it had gotten. The theatrical versions of the movies are hella long, and there I was watching them in the extended editions. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything since the salad I had for lunch, and I marched back into the kitchen to make some pasta salad from a box. I headed into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Deciding to watch some Rachael Ray program on The Food Network, I lazily ate and began making mental notes on things I would need for tomorrow's dinner.

Around 11:30pm, I shut the TV off, put my bowl in the kitchen sink, and headed upstairs to my room. As I was changing into my PJs, my phone went off. Without even thinking about it, and with my shirt still over my face, I answered.

"Hello?"

I'm pretty sure it sounded more like an "Mmm-mo?"

"Iris?"

I smiled like a fool when I heard Jackson's voice come through the phone.

"Hey. Yeah, sorry. It's me. Had a shirt over my face," I replied sheepishly.

He laughed and gave me a minute to finish getting properly dressed.

"Okay. Done now. _Que pasa_?"

"Nothing much. I didn't get you at a bad time, did I? I just realized how late it is."

"Nope. And it isn't late. I'm usually never in bed any earlier than 1am," I admitted. "How was your day?"

"Busy. Yours?"

"Full of hobbits and Middle Earth and Kellan demanding I make more food," I laughed.

"I heard about that. You really coming over tomorrow? Nikki mentioned that Kellan roped you into making dinner in one of the kitchens. Ashley found out and squealed with excitement, which she quickly followed up with slapping him on the arm for making you do this," he chuckled.

"Awww. She's such a sweetie! But you can tell her that he isn't making me do anything. I haven't had people excited for my cooking before, so I'm jumping for joy that you guys even like it. Plus, it's fun cooking for the masses again. I haven't had to do it since I left my parents' house."

"Well, we love to eat."

As I walked around my room and went through my nightly "Prepare for bed" ritual - which consisted of turning down the bed, pulling out an outfit for the next day, and cleaning my room - he told me all about his day on the set. I didn't feel comfortable asking him for any specific details, because I didn't want to seem eager to have the _Twilight_ secrets revealed to me, so I simply gave a "Hmmm" and "Ooooh" here and there. What he was saying _was _interesting, but I didn't want him to feel as though he had to say more than what he wanted. After brushing my teeth - with still him on the phone, mind you - I climbed into bed and tossed the blankets over my head. As I lay in bed with the sound of his voice amplified due to the bubble I had created with the covers, I thought about how oddly normal this was all starting to feel. It was as if I was speaking to a friend back home about their day at the office. I was brought back to reality when he mentioned just how big of a pain in the ass his wig was. At the mention of it, I broke out into wild laughter.

"What? It's not funny! That thing itches like hell. And I'm always worried it's on sideways or something."

"I'm sorry! It's just weird to hear you be all weepy, because you're wearing a wig. I don't have many conversations where the word wig even comes up, so… Come on, admit it. It's funny!" I jabbed.

"You just don't understand an acting man's pain, Little Lady. It's difficult trying to stay in character when you're worrying that your performance is gonna be overshadowed by the fact that you might look like you have a dead squirrel on your head," he laughed.

"Alright, fine. You win, Pretty Boy," I giggled.

We fell back into a conversation about what my plans were for tomorrow and about having dinner in one of the hotel rooms. He asked if I needed anything from him, and I so badly wanted to say something dirty but knew I couldn't pull it off as a joke. Instead, I asked him if he had pots and pans I could use so that I wouldn't have to bring any from the house. He asked me to hold on for a second, and I heard him put the phone down. The next I knew, sounds of cabinets opening and closing along with what I could make out to be pots being banged against one another filtered through the phone. He came back a second later and asked me what exactly it was he should be looking for. I laughed and replied that I needed a sauté pan and a soup pot. When he didn't immediately answer, I described what they were supposed to look like. He asked me to hold on again, and I burst out into laughter. I heard him yell out, "I can hear you, you know!" which only caused me to laugh even harder. He came back a minute later and let me know that he thought he had them but would check with one of the girls to make sure he was right.

We continued talking about stupid shit that had no real importance, and the conversation died down. As the silence lingered, I debated whether I should raise the question I had been mentally exhausting myself over. Mustering up all the courage I had, I asked him what I had been dying to for the past couple of days.

"Can I ask you something, all jokes aside?" I asked quietly.

"Shoot."

"Is this weird for you?"

"What? This conversation?"

"Well, that and this whole me cooking for you guys thing. I mean, I'm assuming you guys don't make a habit of spending time with people you don't know, let alone inviting them over to your hotel," I explained.

"You know, Ashley and I were worried that this might be weird for _you_," he answered.

"It's not me I'm worried about. I mean, lemme just address the giant vampire elephant in the room. You're part of this giant thing the whole world is clawing to get at. You guys are crazy famous and have people all over the world worshiping the ground you walk on. I guess… When I really think about it, it's weird in the sense that any of this even happening. I'm just wondering why you're bothering to spend time with me. I mean, I'm just some random chick you ran into on the street. You run into fans all the time, and I know you don't have this kind of interaction with them, or it would be all over the internet. I guess what I'm trying to ask is… why me?"

_There. It's out. Brace yourself._

As I finished my little speech, I felt my chest grow heavy, worrying about what his response would be. He could easily tell me something that would make my heart either break or burst with joy. But I knew I had to have that conversation with him. I mean, it didn't seem as though whatever that was would end soon, seeing as how I had been invited to see where they were staying, I was meeting more of the cast, and I was asked again to cook for them.

"I won't lie to you. When we first met and you introduced me to Suzy without me having to give you my name, I knew you were a fan. But the fact that you didn't scream or freak out or even widen your eyes at me hit pretty hard. It's been a while since any of us have met a fan that didn't do that. And when we took that walk, it was nice that I could just talk to you. Living the lives that we do, it's difficult to meet people who don't want something from us, whether it's a picture or an autograph or something of that nature. With you and Suzy, you didn't ask anything of me, of any of us. You didn't even want to accept the fact that I wanted you guys to have a place closer to the stage at the concert. You have no idea how refreshing that is. It might sound strange, but even though we're all close and have our own friends not associated with this giant _thing _that this movie's become, it gets a little, I don't know… Lonely isn't really the right word… Disheartening? It's difficult to make new friends when you're in the middle of this insanity. With you two, it wasn't a difficult decision, not that it even was a conscious decision. You didn't want any more from us than what we would want from our friends. Does any of that make sense?"

I had stopped breathing halfway through his response.

_I could kiss you! _

And it didn't even have anything to do with the real-life crush that I was starting to develop for him. The fact that he wanted to spend time with me, with Suzy and I, simply because of who we were, was mind-blowing. I wanted to do a happy dance around the house and bake cookies for the world.

When I finally recovered and began breathing normally again, I answered his question.

"It does. It really does. I was just worried that you would think of me, of us, as people who wanted something from you, who only wanted to be around you guys because of who you were. I want you to know that that's not the case at all. If I wanted that, I'd be back in New York following whatever movie star is currently filming there. This? Whatever this is? I don't take it lightly, especially now that I know how difficult it is for you. And at the risk of sounding like an eight year old, I'd like us to be friends. I had a great time with you guys at dinner. I had a great time on the phone with Nikki this afternoon. It makes me happy that Ashley's excited that I get to feed her. It makes me laugh that Kellan's such a goofball with me even though we haven't even met. I had a great time hearing about your gripes about dead squirrels on your head," I laughed.

As serious as the conversation had gotten, I didn't want it to end on that note, so I used the wig as my out. I just hoped that I hadn't said something or too much and ended freaking him out. The whole "Let's be friends" line might've been over the top. It was a bold move for me, and I prayed that I hadn't overstepped any bounds with him.

_Please, God. If I said anything to scare him off, can you just erase it from his mind or something?_

"Well, with the exception of the dead squirrel, it sounds good. All of it. And I can tell you that girls love you already, including Kristen, which can sometimes prove difficult. She and Rob are probably the most protective about who they are because of everything that people say about them and get put through. But as we were driving back last night, she called you guys 'normal,' which can sound silly but makes sense when you're - and I'm using air quotes here - Kristen Stewart. She took to you two as easily as the rest of us did. Plus, she loved the food! She wouldn't shut up about it to Kellan, which is what caused him to nearly attack Ashley when he found out that you sent her home with leftovers," he laughed.

"Well, now you're just making me blush, sir," I replied in my horrible southern drawl.

"All in a day's work, miss," he countered with a laugh.

"Alright. This little heart-to-heart has probably taken a chunk out of your sleeping schedule, so I'll let you go. I can't believe it's already past one in the morning."

"It is? Damn... I always lose track of time when I'm talking to you. Why is that?" he chuckled.

"I like draining the life outta people. It's what I do best."

"Must be," he laughed. "Okay, so I will see you tomorrow for dinner. Our director has a dinner meeting with the studio, so we're all going to definitely be done no later than six. Why don't you plan on leaving your place at that time? It'll give us a chance to all get to the hotel and shower by the time you get here."

"Perfect. Don't forget to give me a hotel name or at least directions unless you want me driving around Vancouver screaming your name out the driver's side window. I'm sure _that _wouldn't attract unnecessary attention or anything."

"Why do I get the feeling you'd do something like that?" he laughed. "If I don't get the chance to message you tomorrow, I'll have Ashley or Nikki give you the info."

"_Bueno_. Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. Good night," he yawned.

"Night night."

As I hung up the phone, I felt the heavy weight that had been on my chest since the moment Jackson and I took our walk instantly lift. Now I knew that he at least saw me as a friend, that they all did. It was such a relief. The other issue, the him liking Suzy thing, I could shove aside while she was gone. Jackson and I were friends. Friends. It was such a simple thing, something that even kids that were too young to know that you shouldn't eat glue did, and yet, it was such a monumental thing for the both of us.

And then there was the crush I was developing. Before the trip, I had the celebrity crush on Jackson down to a science. But the problem was that I knew _of_ him; I didn't know him personally. I was spending more time with him just as Jackson and not "Jackson, star of the _Twilight Saga_," and the little things I used to find hot were making me automatically smile. I had the experience of hearing him crack jokes, playfully fight with his friends, and make casual conversation. I took those things, those everyday things that most people take for granted, and felt something. That something, though, scared the shit out of me, because as normal as he was, he was still a movie star. Movie stars don't fall in love with the common folk. They date other movie stars, people who are equally as beautiful and understand the pressures of the entertainment industry. They definitely don't swap spit with the Mexican chubby girl. They definitely don't go out for dinner and a movie with a girl whose best friend is drop dead gorgeous. They definitely don't do a double take for the girl who can't even stand the sight of herself.

Period. End of sentence. Exclamation point.

Being friends with Jackson was a no-brainer. That was already done and over with. We _were _friends. But could I let that be good enough for me? I knew that the more I hung out with him, the more I would like him. It would've been stupid of me to think otherwise. It would've also been stupid of me to think that he wouldn't feel something for Suzy. She could argue all she wanted, but she always got the guy. Always, whether she liked him or not. If it turned out that Jackson did like her, I would've understood. It would've been the most logical thing to happen. He was gorgeous, and she was gorgeous. But could I have sat back and watched him drool over her? I knew that Suzy wouldn't go down that road out of respect for me. Even if it was a one-sided thing, I didn't know if I could watch him want her. I had gone through situations like that before, and I knew that I couldn't go through it again.

As I was falling asleep with a whole slew of new things to worry over, one prominent question kept poking at my brain: Could I simply be friends with Jackson and not let my feelings get in the way?

* * *

_**Que pasa? – What's going on?**_  
_**Bueno – Good**_

**Reviews are like Hottie McGreenEyes: they make me swoon.  
**


	7. Emotions

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / OGStz3  
**

* * *

I had the worst headache when I woke up the next morning. All that thinking did a number on me. It was almost as if I was hungover.

_No fair. The little men with the jackhammers can't come out and play in my brain unless alcohol's been involved._

After I downed enough ibuprofen to knock out a small elephant, I showered and got ready for the day. I decided to pick something up to eat on the way to the grocery store instead of making an actual breakfast even though it was already past noon. I wasn't in the mood to cook for myself since the meds hadn't kicked in yet. After a quick stop at Dunkin Donuts, I coasted to the grocery store. I tried not to think about the potential that was Jackson and Suzy and concentrated on the fact that I had a new group of friends. But because I was a masochist, I liked to make myself suffer and I ended up thinking of nothing but Jackson and Suzy together. I had to force myself to stop when I almost ran a red light.

The moment I stepped out of the car at the grocery store, my headache was nearly gone and my shitty mood had lifted.

_Maybe I'm PMSing. Pick up some Aleve while you're here._

I had decided the night before that I would make _flautas _for dinner. I also wanted to throw in soup and a salad for good measure. Because I was the world's biggest pansy, I also decided to bring along another casserole dish of enchiladas, just in case someone didn't want to try out the _flautas._ Since I hadn't provided dessert the last time, I added this peach/Cool Whip pie concoction I drooled over every Thanksgiving growing up. I spent a good hour and a half in the grocery store just willing what remained of my headache and all the nerves out of my body. I thought about how a group of people had taken so easily to me, that they weren't nervous or apprehensive about my presence. It made me smile. By the time I had made it to the checkout line, I was back to my old, silly self. As I started loading the bags of groceries into my shopping cart, I caught the cashier staring at me.

"I hope you don't think I'm rude for asking this, but... Do you have an exceptionally large family? I haven't seen someone buy as much food as you have this past week."

"No, this is the usual amount of food I eat on a daily basis. I have an addiction to food," I replied with a straight face.

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I guess," she mumbled.

I pretended to be furious but I could feel my lips twitching, and I finally broke out into hysterical laughter. She stared at me, stunned, as if I had gotten naked, climbed onto the conveyer belt, and decided to spew Shakespeare to the entire store.

"Girl, I've been hosting a lot of dinner parties lately. The day someone tells you that they buy this much food just for them is the day you need to call the authorities. Or at least Oprah. Okay? Promise me," I laughed.

As she slowly absorbed what I had told her, her face went back to normal and managed a small smile.

We introduced ourselves, and I apologized for the joke. She shrugged it off and even got someone to cover for her while she walked me to my car and had a cigarette with me. I told her that I would more than likely be back soon and drove home.

After I threw the chicken into a pot to boil, I called Suzy.

"Is there a particular reason why I didn't hear from you yesterday after you said you were going to call?" I began.

"Jetlag, bitch. I fell asleep while untying my shoes. I actually woke up this morning with the laces still in my hands," she replied. "What'd you do yesterday?"

I told her about how I spent a good portion of the day watching _Lord of the Rings_. She scolded me for spending so much time watching my number one hottie, Elijah Wood. It was an argument we always went through but ended when I reminded her that she was always there to watch it with me, because she had a thing for Orlando Bloom. I then told her about the conversation I had with Nikki, the fact that I was cooking for them again that night, and the entire conversation with Jackson.

"So, you're friends with them now?"

"Yeah. That was pretty much the basics of our convo."

"And you think you're gonna be able to manage that with your lovey-dovey feelings for Jackson?"

"What makes you think I won't be able to? I've been friends with guys I've had crushes on before."

"Wrong. You always managed the friend thing with them _after_ you've gotten over the crush. During the crush, you always run out of the room when they walk in or forget how to talk entirely. You're kind of a pussy in that way," she laughed.

"Well, I can't really do that with Jackson, can I? Besides, I'm sure he's used to having girls fawn over him all the time. If it's not weird for him already, I won't make it weird. Besides, he doesn't even know I have a crush on him. You're the only one who knows, I hope, and if you value your life, you won't say anything when you come back this weekend."

"Let's be serious for two seconds. I'm just worried that this is going to be a difficult thing for you. You're a ridiculously emotional person, and I know that you're going to fall hard and fast for him. I just don't want you getting hurt."

_This bitch knows me too well._

"I get what you're saying and I appreciate the concern, but you know that I'm not big on the humiliation. I'm not going to say anything to anybody. I'll just wallow in my misery when I'm alone," I mumbled.

"That's what I'm afraid of," she sighed.

"Anyway, it's not like I'm going to spend all of my time with him. There's Nikki and Ashley and everybody else. If they're willing to, I'll spend just as much time with them as I would with Jackson. And then there are your visits, sucking the life outta me," I smirked. "Hopefully that'll bring my crushing time on Jackson down a notch."

We ended the Jackson talk there and moved on to what I was making for dinner. After some snide comment about how I had never fed her as well as I was feeding the cast, we hung up. Because the pies are supposed to be served cold, I started those before I started the _flautas_. When I was done and had placed them in the fridge, I moved back to the boiling chicken. It took me forever and a day to manually shred the chicken, but I managed to get it done in record time. I placed the shredded chicken in each _tortilla de maiz_, rolled it up, and when I had three, put a toothpick through them to keep them secure_._

After I had them constructed and set aside to fry at the hotel, I made guacamole, _salsa verde_, and began the enchiladas. I was placing them in the fridge as my phone went off. I glanced at the caller ID and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

"Hello?"

"_Hola, senorita_. What are you up to?" Jackson asked, sounding slightly out of breath.

"I'm trying to convince a group of children that it's okay to run through the house with sharp objects in their hands. You? Why do you sound like you've just been chased?"

"I had to come all the way back to my trailer to get my phone. I forgot it this morning, and I couldn't find Nikki to use hers since she's the only other person who has your number. Alex wanted to know if it was okay if he joined us for dinner tonight."

"Tell him that I'm making food for everyone _but _him. It's part of his punishment for being such an ass the other night," I laughed.

"Duly noted. Remind me to never piss you off."

"You'll do well to keep that in mind, mister," I teased. "Nah, he's more than welcome. Invite whomever you want. I'm making enough to feed the state of New Jersey," I joked. "Is six still the correct time for me to head out to you guys?"

"Looks that way. We haven't really done much today, but the director can't miss this dinner, so he'll be outta here by then, whether he has what he needs or not."

He gave me the name and address of the hotel they were staying at, as well as his room number. I promised to leak it to every major newspaper and to print flyers and hand them out at the local corner store. He countered by saying that Rob had plans to do it that weekend and that I shouldn't trouble myself. I doubled over in laughter.

"Okay, so when you get here, drive around to the back. There's major security there, but I'll leave them your name, so they know you're okay to come in. If they give you any trouble, just call me."

"Ay ay, captain. Do I need a code word or something?" I laughed.

"No, but they'll ask you to sign over your first born."

"Perfect. Didn't like little Juanito very much anyway."

We bullshitted while he walked back to wherever it was he was needed and then ended the conversation. Since I still had a few hours to kill before heading over, I decided to spend some quality time with the computer. I hadn't been online much, with the exception of my iPhone, since meeting the cast, and I realized that I was dangerously behind on my fan fiction. As I was about to start catching up, it dawned on me that I hadn't messaged Monkey in almost a week, something that never happened with us. My friendship with her, for some reason, was limited to texts and instant messages. We _never _spoke on the phone and maybe saw each other once a year. I took our AIM time very seriously. The moment I signed on, I was hit with an instant message in which she threatened to throw rotten bananas at me. I apologized and offered the rest of my existence to serve her before she let me explain. Once again, I recounted everything that had happened since the day Suzy and I had committed our act of "random insanity," as she had come to call it. When I was finished, Monkey simply told me to be careful and to not get in over my head with Jackson. Monkey was never the type to walk on eggshells when it came to my feelings, something she had in common with Suzy, but she wasn't as harsh as Suzy could to be. Suzy regarded the harshness as tough love, the only way to get through to me sometimes. I simply regarded it as being a bitch, a product of her not getting laid as often as she'd like. She would then kick my ass.

Before signing off, I apologized for being a bad Monkey, to which she threatened rotten bananas again, and told her I would probably be texting her more than messaging her while I was here.

Making sure I had everything I needed for dinner, I hopped back in the shower and got ready. Deciding to keep with my usual style of loose jeans and a t-shirt - a style that Suzy always yelled at me for - I put on a light layer of make-up and styled the hair the same as I did before, gel and hairspray to bring out the curls. I cursed the high heavens when I realized that the pies were nowhere near the cold consistency they're supposed to be and wouldn't be able to take them with me. I actually kicked my own ass as I slammed the fridge door. As I was trying to figure out how I was going to carry everything at once, my phone banjoed.

_We're leaving the set. See you in a bit. – J Action_

After sighing like a love sick puppy, I gathered everything up, shoved it in the front seat of the car, and went back to lock the door to the house. While driving to the hotel, I kept reminding myself that I couldn't get wrapped up in what I was feeling for Jackson. If he didn't already like Suzy, he would eventually, and that wasn't something I wanted to deal with again.

_You _can't_ like him. It's not smart. Stop being stupid._

That was all I could repeat to myself during the thirty minute ride to the hotel. I knew it was a fight I was definitely going to lose, because let's face it. The Bone is smoldering hot, seriously funny, and as sweet as apple pie. I would've had to have been a deaf, dumb, and blind bat to not feel something for him. But the fact that he and I had become fast friends weighed on my mind. I didn't want to lose his friendship, not even after only officially having the title for less than a day. He reminded me of the good stuff from growing up in the same area. He was warm and welcoming and openly friendly. Developing serious gooey feelings for him would throw all of that out the window. If I did nothing about how I felt, it would eventually eat away at me and cause me to act differently around him. If I did say something to him, his act of laughing in my face would leave me no choice but to stop hanging out with the group. The only choice I had was to stop my growing crush on him.

As I drove past the front of the hotel, I noticed a group of people with cameras hovering near the front doors.

_God, I seriously __**loathe**__ the stalkerazzi._

I scoffed at the lack of privacy that the cast often had to deal with and drove around back, coming to what looked like a toll booth. I slowed and stopped when I saw the guard emerge. He asked me my name, looked onto a clipboard, and raised the bar to allow me entrance. As I was exiting the car, still trying to figure out how to gather everything up to only make one trip, I saw the man who was guarding the back door head my way. I instantly thought I was going to get cavity searched.

"Need some help?" he asked.

"You're a gem. Thanks."

He took half the items in my arms and opened the door to the building for me. As we walked through the small hallway and rode up the elevator to Jackson's room, we talked about the food we were carrying. As I knocked on the door, I mentioned that he was more than welcome to some of it when I was done cooking. The door swung open, revealing a recently showered Jackson. I may or may not have internally squeed. Trying to distract myself from the eye candy holding open the door, I directed my attention back to the guard.

"If you give me about an hour or so, you'll have your very own plate. Sound good?"

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you," he replied.

"Ugh. Dude, I know it's part of your job and all, but if you call me ma'am again, I will hide your plate somewhere in the hotel and leave you to search for it."

"Do _not_ get on her bad side, man," Jackson laughed.

Jackson took the food that the guard was holding and stepped aside so that I could walk in to his room. As soon as I heard the door close behind me, I stopped to take in the grandness that was his hotel room. Directly in front of me was the living room, decked out with three couches that faced each other with a coffee table in the center and a window that took up most of the upper half of the wall. To the right was a smaller than normal fridge, the stove, a sink, and a small counter. There were cupboards above and below. I shuffled in further to the room and noticed a door on the left that led to a bedroom and had another window. On the opposite side of the room, just past the kitchen area, was another door to a room that held a large dining table, much like the one at the house, and a window about the size of the one in the living room.

"Okay, it's official. This hotel room is bigger than my entire apartment in New York."

"Don't you know? All pretentious movie stars demand this sort of treatment. Nothing but the best," he laughed. "Did you have any trouble finding the hotel?"

"Nope. I followed the bread crumbs left by the damn stalkerazzi out front, and here I am."

"They can be pretty relentless. That's why I had you go around back."

"Thanks for that. Suzy woulda been none too pleased if she had to fly all the way out here to bail my ass out for kicking some cameraman's ass," I grumbled.

I began unloading the ingredients from the box and organized what I would cook by the time it would take to cook. I heard Jackson move from the couch he had been sitting on and felt him move closer to my left side.

"So, what's on the menu for tonight, chef?"

"Chicken _flautas_, soup, and a salad."

"You need any help?"

"I just need those pots and pans you couldn't identify last night," I laughed.

Jackson bent down to open a cabinet directly underneath the counter. He stood up holding the sauté pan and the soup pot I requested. I nodded my approval, and he grinned like a madman, happy that he had gotten the right cookware. I walked over to my purse and pulled out my iPhone.

"I have to listen to music while I cook, so if you need me, just tap my shoulder or yell that my hair's on fire since I'll have the headphones in," I informed him.

"I have one of those things with speakers that play iPods if you wanna use it."

I squealed and jumped up and down. He chuckled and walked over to his bedroom. As he walked back and plugged it in, he asked what I tended to listen to when I cooked.

"You'll see. It's gonna take you back to Midland, man," I giggled.

"Should I be scared?" he asked.

"Terrified."

I placed my iPhone on the dock, scrolled to my cooking playlist, and waited for the music to blare. As soon as Selena made her way to his ears, he dipped his head and chuckled.

"I shoulda known," was his only reply.

I made the salad first just in case anybody was so hungry they couldn't. I had just started the soup and frying some of the _flautas_ when there was a knock on the door.

"Oh, my God. I smell food. Real food!"

I turned toward the door and saw Nikki and Ashley as they literally skipped into the room.

"Hey, pretty ladies," I smiled when they walked towards me. They each leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek before checking out the food. They both asked if there was anything they could do to help, but I told them that the only thing that I needed was the table set. The three of them then reached into some drawers and pulled out tablemats and silverware. I continued to cook, and fifteen minutes later, there was a loud bang on the door. Jackson walked over to open it, giving me a puzzled look as he strolled by. I had just grabbed some _flautas_ that were cooling off and draining on a paper towel when I heard him speak.

"_You_ must be Iris."

Knowing who it was before I turned to face him, I planted a menacing look on my face, preparing myself for battle. I twirled around and saw Kellan with his arms crossed across his chest. With a cooked _flauta _in hand, I stalked toward him, face still firmly in place.

"_You_ must be Kellan."

When I was just a few inches away from him, I stopped. We stood there staring at each other, me craning my head up to look at him since I was so short and he was so tall. We glared at one another as if we were mortal enemies, and before he knew what hit him, I stuffed the _flauta _into his mouth. I quickly spun around and went back to the stove as Jackson, Ashley, and Nikki laughed. I turned back to look at Kellan and giggled. He walked over to me, gave me a hug, and snatched another _flauta_ from the plate.

"Girl, that smells good," commented Nikki.

"It's great!" Kellan replied, his mouth full.

"Let's hope you feel the same when you actually taste it," I laughed.

As I turned back to the stove, my hair decided it was time to start throwing a tantrum and nearly whooshed its way into the soup pot.

"Will someone grab a hair tie from my purse and put my hair in a ponytail, please?" I asked to nobody in particular as I faced the food on the counter.

I heard someone jump up from the couch, the items in my purse being scooted around, and then felt my hair being pulled back from over my shoulders.

"I can't believe all this hair. I sometimes wish I hadn't cut mine," Ashley commented.

As soon as the mess had been secured, I cleaned my hands off on a dish towel. I walked over to my phone, disconnected it from the dock, and brought up my Facebook account. I found the pictures of my freshman year at military school when I decided to chop off my hair up to my chin and handed the phone to Ashley.

"That's not you! No way!"

Jackson and Nikki ran over and looked over her shoulder. Kellan joined them but not after stealing another _flauta_ and earning a warning glare from me. All he did was laugh.

"When you said you went to military school, I couldn't picture it. That barely looks like you."

"Can we look through the rest of these pictures?" Nikki asked.

As they scrolled through the album, they asked questions about all sorts of things in the pictures. Mid-conversation, there was another knock at the door.

"Damn it! I'm keeping that door open," Jackson grumbled.

The rest of us laughed as he opened the door letting Rob and Kristen in. We did the round of greetings as they settled onto the couches. I felt completely at ease, completely in my cooking element, and participated in the conversations taking place. I heard Selena blare through the iPod dock again, a sign that they had finished going through the photo album. Realizing that I hadn't brought anything to drink, I was about to ask if I should run out and pick something up when there was another knock on the open door.

"It's open!" Jackson half screeched, earning a cackle from me.

"Are those – Are those _flautas_?" I looked towards the door to find Alex staring at the plate.

"Yes. Yes, they are," I answered, mimicking his dramatic tone.

I reached over to hand him one to snack on while I finished cooking when I felt my upper body being crushed. I tried to turn my head but couldn't. It was then I realized that Alex had me engulfed in a rib-breaking hug, one arm around my head with the other around my waist.

"Hey! No manhandling the cook when there's _manteca _on the stove. You should know better," I scolded.

My reprimand meant nothing as I ended up giggling when he hugged me tighter.

"If I wasn't already married, I'd marry you for your cooking skills alone."

"Gee, that makes me feel _so_ much better about myself, _cabron_," I laughed while rolling my eyes.

It was then I noticed that some other people had walked in with him. He introduced me to Bronson, Kiowa, and Chaske.

_Huh. I guess they really do travel in packs._

I explained to them what we were having for dinner and they all shrugged, stating that they were just happy to be getting free food. I heard someone groan and I looked around, realizing Jackson had been the one to give the sign of disapproval. I shot him a glance, one that asked what he was upset about, but he just shook his head. I figured it was unimportant or I would simply ask him later, so I let it go.

I had just finished completely cooking and had thrown the enchiladas into the oven when "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom" began to blare through the room. As I assembled the food, I began to mouth the words to the song as my body automatically danced to. Out of nowhere, I felt a tug on my wrist, causing me to spin around.

"_Baila conmigo_," Alex said.

"Oh, crap," I laughed.

I removed the hair tie, because you can't just dance a Selena _cumbia_ without letting it fly. I joined an already dancing Alex, not letting my nerves about dancing in front of people get to me. Alex sang along in a chipmunk-like voice making me laugh. Ashley was trying to coax Rob into dancing, but he was having none of that. Kellan volunteered himself and dragged Ashley next to Alex and I. They both looked at our feet and began trying to imitate our dance moves. Ashley looked like she was getting it, but Kellan just kept getting flustered. He eventually gave up, leaving Ashley to dance with us.

"It's Olay, man. We can't all be Justin Timberlake," Rob exclaimed as he patted Kellan on the back.

"It's a good thing you're pretty, Kellan. Dancing's not your thing," I smirked.

As soon as the song ended, the three of us took a bow and I quickly ran over to the deck to turn off the volume.

"It's like _Dancing with the Stars_ in here."

I giggled at the statement and turned to face whoever had spoken. Lo and behold, it was Peter Facinelli.

_Christ on a cracker. It's Mike Dexter._

The room became eerily silent. I looked around and found that they were all staring at me, Peter doing the same but with a smirk in place. I became embarrassingly red when I realized why everyone was looking at me.

"Oh, crap. I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Everyone laughed, and Peter extended his hand to shake mine. I introduced myself and apologized like a moron for my declaration.

"Wow, Peter. You should feel special. Even Rob didn't get that kind of reaction," Jackson laughed.

"She didn't even try to hump my leg or anything. Am I losing my touch? Is the hair not wild enough for you?" Rob fake pouted.

We all laughed at his statement and then laughed again when Kristen smacked him on the arm.

"Dude, _you_ didn't utter one of the greatest lines in cinematic history to JLove while wearing a tight red t-shirt."

"That movie's going to forever define me, isn't it?" Peter chuckled. "Wait. Which line?"

"Aman-duh!" I imitated. "That and the scene where you hug it out with William while Boyz II Men plays in the background makes you legendary, good sir. You'll always be Mike Dexter in my book," I snickered.

I walked back over to the counter and began spooning the soup into bowls and placing them onto the large plates, careful not to crush the _flautas_ that were already there by moving them to the edge. Everyone stopped by to pick up a plate and headed to the dining table.

"Um, I forgot to pick up drinks before I came over," I embarrassingly admitted.

"No worries. I messaged Liz to get some soda before coming over when I noticed that there weren't drinks already set out," Nikki replied.

After everyone had grabbed their plate, I assembled a few more just in case other people stopped by. Jackson came back into the kitchen area and grabbed another plate.

"You're done already?!" I asked, the shock registering on my face.

"This one's for you."

"Oh. None for me, thanks. I'm just gonna have a salad."

"You're not gonna eat your own food?"

"I don't eat meat, _chico_."

His eyes shifted between me, the plate in his hand, and then back to me again.

"What about the soup?"

"There's shredded chicken in it. Really, it's no big deal. A salad's better for me anyway."

"You made this food for us knowing you couldn't eat it? Why didn't you just make something vegetarian for us all to eat?"

"Because you guys aren't vegetarians," I laughed, wondering why he was pushing the subject.

I was about to walk past him and go into the dining room when he spoke.

"Thank you," he said, his eyes holding mine.

I was going to tell him to stop thanking me when he leaned in and kissed the top of my head. He set the plate down on the counter and walked back to everyone else, leaving me stunned in the kitchen.

_Okay. This is definitely not good for the squashing of the crush situation._

When I was no longer as shell-shocked, I joined everyone else at the table, taking one of the few empty seats that just happened to be situated next to Jackson. I made my salad and joined in some conversation that Alex was trying to have with Bronson who was stuffing his face like it was his last meal on Earth.

"So this is where the party's at."

We all turned to the door to see Elizabeth Reaser and Taylor holding several bottles of soda. I quickly jumped up and hurried to them. I introduced myself and helped them set the bottles on the counter. They were about to start opening the bottles when I handed them each a plate and shooed them into the dining room with everyone else. I grabbed all the glasses available from one of the cabinets, filled them with ice, and began pouring drinks. Almost everyone, with the exception of Bronson who couldn't stop eating, offered to help, but I threatened them with flesh-eating bacteria if they moved. It took me several trips, but I finally got everyone their drink. Elizabeth, who insisted I call her Liz, thanked me for dinner and asked questions about how the food was prepared.

"You should taste the enchiladas she made," Taylor chimed in.

"Oh! That reminds me…" I said, realizing that the casserole of enchiladas was keeping warm in the oven.

I ran over, pulled it out, and went back to the table, setting it down in the middle. Kellan's eyes got super big, and Jackson and I busted out into laughter.

"Thank God we start training next week. I'm gonna need to turn burn all this food off," Ashley laughed.

"Dude, it's a good thing you work out almost every day. You're gonna eat yourself into an early grave," Jackson said, pointing his spoon at Kellan as he dove into the casserole.

We sat around for almost an hour just chatting and finishing up our plates when there was another knock on the door.

"Seriously? I'm gonna hurt someone."

Jackson got up from his chair and disappeared into the living room. He quickly came back with a confused look on his face.

"Iris, there's someone at the door asking for you."

"Me? Okay, who called Immigration?" I chuckled as I scooted away from the table.

I couldn't think of anybody who would be looking for me in Jackson's hotel room Only three people knew I was friend, or at least becoming friends, with the cast. I let out a small laugh when I realized that it was the guard from earlier coming back to grab a plate of food. Jackson watched with a curious eye as I handed the guard a plate, and he thanked me. I skipped past him to the stove and began cleaning up. I could feel his eyes burning a hole into the back of my head.

"You're gonna turn to stone if you continue to stare like that," I laughed, looking over my shoulder at him.

When he didn't answer, I dropped the dishes in my hand and turned completely around and leaned against the counter.

"You Okay? You pissed at me or something?"

"What? No! Nothing like that. You just caught me in the middle of a thought," he replied seriously but then followed up with that delicious half smile thing he does.

He put his arm around my shoulder and walked me back into the dining room, claiming he would clean up later when everyone else left. We took our seats and fell back into casual conversation with everyone else. What seemed like minutes later was actually an hour, and I knew that everyone would start to leave soon.

"Do you guys have plans on Saturday?" I blurted out.

I got a collective no, and Nikki asked why. Since I didn't really have any reason to ask, I had to come up with something quick.

"Um… Well, Suzy comes back on Friday."

_Think, woman. Think!_

"So, umm… Ahem, I was wondering if you guys wanted to join us for a barbecue at the house," I rushed out.

It was the first thing I could think of but then gave myself a pat on the back when I realized it was pretty good idea. Then, the possibility of rejection set in.

"The weather's supposed to be nice, and there's more than enough room to invite everybody. The only thing is that I don't know how to man a grill. If someone can take care of that, Suzy and I'll have burgers and potato chips and potato salad and um… Beer! Plenty of beer. We could start a river with the amount of beer that we'll have. It's just an idea. I mean, if you guys don't wanna—"

I was cut off as Jackson put his hand over my mouth.

"We'll do the barbecue. Stop freaking out," he laughed.

"Are you sure you wanna invite everybody?" asked Kristen. "The cast _and _crew? That's a fuckload of people."

"There's plenty of space, there's gonna be plenty of food, and I think it would be nice for you guys to get out. The house is stalkerazzi-proof. Be outside and become one with Mother Nature and Heineken. You know, just hang out and be free of the worries," I finished, shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm down!" Kellan exclaimed.

Everybody else, with the exception of Peter, said they would be there. Peter's family was going to be in the city for the weekend, and he hadn't seen them since filming began. I told him that I understood but that he was more than welcome to bring them over, that the pool and the movie theater would keep the girls entertained.

Just as I predicted, everyone at that point began talking about getting back to their rooms. I stood and began gathering the dishes on the table. Liz and Jackson slapped my hands away, telling everyone to take their plates to the sink themselves. I followed the group back into the kitchen, itching to get started on cleaning up, while they all thanked me for dinner. Everyone except Nikki, Ashley, Rob, Kristen, and Jackson left the room. Kellan apparently didn't want to leave, but he grumbled that he was gonna get to bed early for a serious morning work out.

In the middle of washing dishes with Jackson and cracking jokes with everybody else, my iPhone banjoed. I asked someone to get it for me. Ashley let me know that there was a text from Suzy. Not even thinking that Suzy might've messaged me something about my Jackson crush, Ashley read.

"'Are you alive? I know we spoke earlier, but you haven't updated Facebook or Twitter since Sunday morning.'"

She handed me the phone while I texted Suzy back and laughed. When I was done, I looked up to find everyone staring at me. It was deafeningly quiet.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Do you update those sites a lot? I mean, do you put a lot of information about what you do in your statuses?" Kristen wondered, looking extremely concerned.

I realized that she, along with the rest of the room, must've been worried that I would divulge information about them.

"Normally, I update with every single little thing I do, but I haven't these past few days for good reason," I answered.

"And that would be?" Nikki continued.

"Because I'm with you guys. It's one thing for me to tell the world what I'm doing, because nobody gives a shit what I do. But I'm not gonna let the world know what I'm up to if it has to do with you. If you wanted the world to know what you were up to, you'd get your own accounts or hold a press conference," I laughed. "The shit that you guys constantly have to deal with is bad enough without adding something like this to the mix. What you do outside of public appearances isn't anybody's business. And I certainly don't have the right to inform the planet that Kellan can't dance or that Rob has leg-humping issues," I giggled.

I went back to washing dishes and heard them all let out what I assumed to be breaths of relief and laughs at my last comment. Eventually, Rob, Kristen, and Nikki said headed back to their rooms. Ashley stayed and helped Jackson and I finish washing the dishes and clean up as we talked about the barbecue on Saturday.

"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" he asked suddenly.

"Let's see…" I tapped my index finger against lips as if I was really concentrating. "Rearranging my sock drawer, washing my hair, watching grass grow... Nope, not that I can think of," I giggled. "Why?"

"Just wondering," he smirked.

The three of us finally finished, sat on the couches, and talked for a while before I decided it was time for me to head home. Ashley and I ended up exchanging cell numbers, something I couldn't help but smile at as I took it as another confirmation of our friendship. Jackson offered to walk me to my car, but I cut him off. There was no way I was going to be responsible for the possibility of paps hounding him even if I was parked in the back of the hotel. Just as I was walking out, Jackson called me back towards him and placed something in my right hand. It was two $100 bills.

"I don't know what word on the street is, but my going rate is $500 a night," I laughed.

"It's for the dinners," Ashley remarked.

"Feeding us has got to be pretty expensive. I won't have you using your own money to do it. So, take the money."

Jackson held my hand and the money in it while he made his demand.

_I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go…_

"Listen, it was _my_ idea to have these dinners. I'm not gonna have you paying me for them, because you feel obligated or guilty. We're friends, right? Lemme do this."

I smiled at him, looked over his shoulder at Ashley, and nodded my head in finality at her. They both looked at each other and then sighed in defeat.

"You can't argue with a Mexican. I hope you know. We're right about everything."

He and Ashley thanked me again for dinner before I walked out. Driving home, all I could think about, other than the fact that Kellan had hovered two servings, was that Jackson's luscious lips had been on my head. I didn't know why he did it, but I got the tinglies just thinking about it. Friendship or not, I was crushing _bad_. I needed to talk to one of the girls to get some advice. I didn't know what to do. The last thing I wanted was to jeopardize my growing friendship with him and the rest of the cast, but I couldn't stop what I was feeling.

_I am _so_ fucked._

After I arrived home, I called Suzy but she didn't answer, probably already asleep. I knew that Monkey wouldn't respond to my text since it was so late, and Juanita wouldn't pick up because she had to go in to work earlier than normal in the morning. I shuddered knowing that I was left with my thoughts all night and no way to work them out. Emotionally and mentally exhausted, I went straight to bed, still fully-clothed. Just as I was falling asleep, my phone banjoed.

_I know I said this already, but thanks for dinner. I had a lot of fun. See you soon. – J Action_

I didn't sleep very well that night.

* * *

_**Tortilla de maiz – Corn tortilla**_  
_**Salsa verde – Green salsa**_  
_**Hola senorita – Hello, little lady**_  
_**Manteca – Grease/Oil**_  
_**Cabron – Asshole**_  
_**Chico – Boy**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's stare: consuming and well worth it.**


	8. The Impossible

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / Qc3sRm**

* * *

"Don't do it! Don't do it, you bastard!"

It took everything I had in me to not chuck something across the room. The previous two hours had been a build up to that moment. I knew it was going to fucking happen, and yet, I couldn't stop myself from going down that road again. My phone started ringing, and I debated with myself whether I should get it or not.

"What?!"

"What the hell's _your_ problem?"

Suzy was never one to prance around a situation.

"Nothing. I just…"

I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Shut up for a second," she commanded, and I did as I was told, waiting for her to speak again. "Dude, that better not be what I think it is. You know what? Don't answer that. I'll call you later."

And with that, the BFF had left me alone. I set the phone down and went back to the horrific sight in front of me. Some time later, my phone rang again. That time, rather than be in a rage, I was hysterically crying.

"Hello?" I sniffled.

"What's wrong?" Jackson asked, panic evident in his voice.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What's up?"

"Iris, why the hell are you crying?"

"You don't wanna know," I sobbed.

"Tell me."

"It's just… Oh, God! Frodo's telling Sam and Merry and Pippin that he's leaving the Shire. And now they're all crying. Gandalf's being all super-knowledge man and saying, 'Frodo, we have to go now.' And Sam's wigging out, because he doesn't get Frodo's reason for leaving and going off and _dying_!"

I was a giant puddle of tears by that point. It's one thing to watch the final scene of _Return of the King_, but it's quite another to have to relay what's going on to someone else and then explain why you're a giant ass crybaby.

"Hold up. This is about a movie?" he asked, sounding unbelievably shocked.

"It's not just _any_ movie. This – _this_ – is _Lord of the Rings_! I'm offended that you would call it a movie, Jackson. It's a masterpiece!"

"Okay, this a whole new side of you I haven't seen before. I'm not gonna lie. It's kind of scary," he laughed.

"Pffft. You just don't get the greatness that is Tolkien paired with Elijah Wood and Peter Jackson," I defended.

"Obviously," he chuckled, sarcasm rolling off the comment. "But at least I know you're awake at ten in the morning. Have you gotten ready for the day yet?"

"Nopers," I answered, shaking my head as if he could see me. "Why?"

"I need you to be ready at 11:30. Can you do that?"

"Um, sure. Why?"

"It's a surprise. A car's going to pick you up at your place, okay? And no arguing. I know you love to be feisty, but you're not going to win this one. No questions, woman."

"Ugh. Fine," I quickly answered.

And then I backtracked as an actual question worth asking popped up in my noggin.

"Wait! Just one question. Am I seeing you? You're not taking me off to be chopped up into little pieces, are you?"

"You just asked two questions," he laughed. "But I'll answer one. The answer's yes to your first question. Now, be ready at 11:30. Oh! And don't eat lunch," he ordered.

"For someone who seems really easy going, you sure can be a pain in the ass, Texas."

"I'm not even going to respond to that," he laughed. "I'll see you later."

_Hottie McGreenEyes is up to something. He's plotting. This can't be good. _

I removed the DVD from the player and replaced it in the Extended Edition case. I had to tear myself away from throwing in the Extra Features disc. I decided to call Suzy back, but she didn't answer. I realized that she must have called me on her lunch break.

"Hey, it's me. I'm sorry about earlier, but you know how I despise the hell outta Gollum. It was at the part where he bites Frodo's finger off. And you know how I love my baby's digits intact. Anyways… Gimme a call when you can. If I don't answer, it's probably because Jackson's killed me. He's got some surprise set up, and I have to be ready at 11:30 for it. Yes, I'm as giddy as Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet. So, if I'm still breathing, I'll call you after whatever he has planned is over. Hasta pasta! P.S. Sorry this is a really long voicemail. I know how you hate them. But here I am apologizing for making something long even longer. Okay. Hanging up now. _Llamame, pinche_!"

I headed outside to have a cigarette and tried to figure out what Jackson's surprise was. He mentioned that I shouldn't eat lunch, so I figured that maybe he had attempted making a meal.

_If that's true, I might get a call from Ashley letting me know that his hotel room burst into flames. Hmmm… Ashley. Maybe I can get some answers out of her._

I shot her a quick text asking her to clarify what he was up to. She instantly responded saying that Jackson threatened to cut the rest of her hair off while she was sleeping if she said anything.

_Damn it!_

After I ran upstairs and showered, I realized that I had no idea how to dress for the damn surprise. I was tempted to text him and ask, but I knew he wouldn't give me an answer. I went for the comfort of my jeans and t-shirt again but decided to throw on some sneakers as a just in case. I kept the hair and make-up natural, so I wouldn't seem like a love struck puppy trying too hard. I ran back downstairs with my purse and decided that another cigarette might calm my nerves a bit.

_I hope you know that your lack of details is making me all sorts of nervous. This isn't nice. I thought they taught boys in Texas to be gentlemen._

I smirked at the text I sent, knowing he would proudly defend himself. Sure enough, not a minute later, he answered.

_If I gave you details, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it? And I'm telling my mom you said that!_

I headed back into the house and started to pace across the bottom floor. When the pacing got me nowhere, I took off my sneakers and decided to run and slide across the linoleum floor. I had made about six rounds around the ground floor when the doorbell rang. I ran, slid to the door, and opened it. I was greeted by a middle-aged man in a suit.

"Iris?"

"Yes?"

"Hi, I'm Jeff. I'm going to be your driver today," he said, showing off his pearly whites.

"Hi, Jeff. Nice to meet you. Just gimme a sec to put my sneakers on."

I opened the door and stepped aside to let him in, but he merely hovered by the front entrance. I quickly ran over and grabbed my sneaks to put them on. As I was lacing them up, I glanced at the fridge. Going with the assumption that he was probably making lunch as a thank you for the dinners I had made, I thought dessert would be a good idea. So I snatched up one of the peach/Cool Whip pies I never got to take to last night's dinner, grabbed my purse, and walked Jeff out.

"I can take that for you ma'— Um, I mean I can take that for you, if you like."

"He told you not to call me ma'am, didn't he?" I laughed

"I'm under strict instructions. He said that my life would be in danger if I did."

"Well, at least now you know he cares about your safety. And no, thank you. I can walk this the whole fifteen feet to the car," I laughed.

I locked up the house, followed Jeff to the car, and climbed into the back, making sure that the pie was safely secured.

"Jeff, where are we going?" I asked, leaning forward between the two front seats as he drove off.

"I'm also under strict instructions to not divulge that information. Sorry."

I slammed my back against the seat with a scowl and crossed my arms across my chest. I knew how to throw tantrums with the best of them. Jeff's just lucky I didn't throw the pie at him. We drove for twenty minutes when I realized we were heading in a direction on the outskirts of the city I had never been to. We were coasting through some mountains, rocks and sand decorating every inch of where I looked. We began to slow when we came upon other cars. The paved road had given out to gravel, and glancing through both back windows, I noticed there were some trailers off to the side and more men in suits standing next to cars like the one I was in. When we came close to a set of tables covered by a tent, the car slowed and finally stopped. Jeff quickly got out and opened the back door for me. I grabbed my purse and the pie and slowly crept from the back seat. I must have had a look of absolute panic on my face, because Jeff felt the need to reassure me that I was fine. I turned my back to the tent and the trailers, taking in all the beauty of the mountains, and wondered what the hell I was doing there.

"Did she give you any trouble?"

I spun around and made eye contact with Jackson, who was doing that half smile thing that makes my knees go weak and my eyes wanna bulge out of their sockets. Eye contact with a Jackson who was decked out in a uniform that looked really old. Eye contact with a Jackson who was wearing a wig that looked like a dead squirrel.

"None at all," Jeff replied. "Iris, it was nice to meet you."

We shook hands and he got back into the car, driving it to where the other fancy cars were stationed.

"So, what do you think of the surprise?" Jackson asked, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"I think it's amazing! Now what is it?" I laughed.

"You can't tell? Iris, what am I wearing? What's this on my head? Why are there cameras over there?"

I hadn't seen any cameras before and I looked toward the area he was pointing to. Sure enough, there were cameras set up, chairs scattered all around them. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I almost dropped the pie.

"Oh, no! Where's Jeff? I need him to drive me home. Do you realize how dangerous this is? I heard Oprah can't even get onto the set. Are you crazy?" I whisper/yelled, causing him to laugh rather loudly.

"This isn't dangerous or crazy, because I know you'll behave yourself. You're going to have to sign a nondisclosure agreement, by the way. The studio would have my ass if you didn't. And I'm not crazy. I just wanted to thank you. To use your own words against you: 'We're friends, so lemme do this.'"

"I don't know what I'm saying half the time. Using my own words against me doesn't count," I huffed.

Jackson's face fell suddenly, making him look nervous and even a tad bit sad.

"Do you really not like the surprise? I thought you would've enjoyed this."

_I'm a horrid, overdramatic bitch._

"I love it," I sighed. "Don't get me wrong. I'm thoroughly wigging out on the inside. But this is such a big thing to do for me. It's _big! _This is a two thousand on a scale of one to ten. I honestly thought you were just going to make me lunch or something," I responded, shoving the pie in his face. "See? I brought pie and everything."

"When did you have time to make a pie?"

"I made a couple yesterday for last night's dinner, but they weren't the right consistency, so I had to bail on them."

"Good, because I'm hungry. We're gonna head over to the tent to eat, and then we'll walk over to the set over there to where the cameras are being moved."

He took the pie from my hands, changing the subject by asking what it was, and led me towards the tent. When we got there, there were maybe twenty people seated, already eating. He introduced me to everyone, and I smiled and waved. Before we headed off to get our lunch, I pulled the phone out and texted Ashley.

_You could have warned me about this! – Iris_

_I like my hair, thank you very much. Have fun today! See you later. – Ashley_

"I'm assuming that's Ashley you're texting. She called me earlier to let me know you were trying to fish information out of her," he chuckled.

"Well, she's a good friend to you, because she kept her mouth shut."

As we walked over to the food tables, Jackson nudged his right elbow into my arm. I looked up at him, confused as to whether the act was an accident or deliberate, but he kept looking straight ahead, a small smile playing on his lips. I nudged him back. Then he nudged me back. We kept that up as we filled our plates and walked back to the table. We finally had to call the elbow war quits when I nudged him so hard he almost flipped his plate over. We ate quietly, neither one of us saying anything to the other. I began to panic, thinking he thought I was ungrateful for bringing me to the set. We were halfway through our food when I finally spoke up.

"Thank you. I don't even want to begin to think what it took for you to pull this off, but I really appreciate it. I'm sorry I was a baby back there, but I just wasn't expecting a surprise like this. Thanks," I said to my plate, embarrassed that I couldn't even face him.

I let out a loud sigh and finally looked over at him. He smiled at his plate and nodded. When he didn't give me a verbal response, I nudged him, giggling like that damn school girl. I braced myself for a return nudge and froze when he kissed the top of my head. He went back to eating and then struck up a conversation with the person sitting across from us, someone who I hadn't even noticed was there until just then. I cleared my throat, drank some water, and went back to my food. When we were just about through, a man walked over to Jackson and slapped his shoulder.

"You ready to get this under your belt?"

"Absolutely. This wig itches," he grimaced.

Him and that damn wig. I couldn't help but laugh. The man looked over at me, noticed the pie, and then looked to Jackson.

"David, this is Iris, the maker of the enchiladas. Iris, this is David, our director."

We exchanged pleasantries as he glanced back and forth between my face and the pie.

"She thought I was making her lunch, so she brought pie," Jackson laughed.

Before he could even finish his sentence, I bolted from my seat and ran over to the table to grab a couple of plates and utensils. I ran back, cut a couple of slices, and placed one on each plate, handing one to David and one to Jackson.

"It's basically peaches and Cool Whip. My mom makes it the best, so I can't guarantee –"

"Oh, my God," Jackson moaned. "This is unbelievable."

I grew ten different shades of red, and my smile stretched from ear to ear.

_Oh, to hear those words in a different setting! Ugh, I'm such a hopeless pervert._

"This is fucking fantastic. If I may, I'm taking another slice and walking back to my chair with it," he told us, poking his fork at what was left of the pie.

He grabbed another slice, told Jackson he had about five minutes, thanked me for the pie, and walked out of the tent towards the set. Jackson devoured his slice, picked up our plates, threw them out, asked one of the PAs to place the remaining pie in the fridge, and let her know that nobody was allowed to touch it. She promised to guard it with her life. We were walking out of the tent when I ran back to her and told her that she was more than welcome to a slice. She let out a loud laugh as I ran back to Jackson. He asked what I had told her to make her laugh so loud, but I refused to give details. He began to protest, but I simply reminded him that payback was a bitch, earning me a chuckle.

When we reached the chairs, someone with a pack attached to the back of her pants and a headset came running over to me and handed me a bunch of papers. As she looked over my driver's license, I read them over, realizing that it was the nondisclosure agreement, and signed, knowing full well that I wouldn't have spread the _Twilight_ secrets even if I hadn't. We stood around for another twenty minutes when Jackson was hauled off to hair and makeup. He had told me to sit in his chair while I waited and they shot. I noticed that there were a couple of horsies off to the side and wanted to pet them so badly but stayed put. A little while later, Jackson emerged from a trailer not far from where the cameras were and walked towards the horsies, though only one seemed to be in the camera's shot. The other was off to the side with someone I assumed to be his handler. Jackson was speaking with a couple of people, one of them being David, before he mounted the horse. I choked back a groan and the need to run over to him, pull him off the horse, and mount _him_.

For the next two hours, they shot the same scene over and over, using different angles, mannerisms, and facial expressions. David finally called for a break, and Jackson instantly ran over to me.

"How was that?" he asked, huffing from his run.

"Well, the prettiness of your face is right on point, but I'm not feeling an Oscar-worthy performance from you. I think you need to center yourself. Channel your inner Jasper, if you will. You could try chanting! Plus, the squirrel looked like it was coming to life at one point," I chuckled as I pointed at his wig.

He stared at me for a couple of seconds before he finally smirked.

"You think I'm pretty?" he asked, causing me to blush.

"What? No! I mean, yes. But… Shit! That's not the point! What I'm trying to say is that Jasper – I mean, your character… Um, it's just – "

He was in full Santa belly laugh mode at this point. I was so embarrassed, I covered my face with my hands and plopped down into his set chair.

"Oh, shut up," I mumbled.

_Nice comeback, dumbass._

"Come on," he laughed. "I want you to meet Catalina."

He walked me over to the actress he had been working with and introduced us. As soon as she spoke to me, I went into full out Mexican mode. When she heard me speak Spanish fluently, she smiled. We talked about things we missed from home, and I almost forgot that Jackson was standing right next to us. When one of the set people finally called them back to their places almost ten minutes later, I wished her a good shoot and turned to go back to my seat. I walked right into Jackson, not realizing he had moved from his original position to stand directly behind me. My arms shot out, grabbing his forearms, to balance myself and keep from falling over. I instantly felt my face grow red and hot. Touching him, no matter how innocent or the lack of dirty thoughts in my mind, always made me get the butterflies. Before I started panting like a dog in heat, I shot him an apologetic look and walked around him, back to the chair. He never responded to my clumsiness or the look I had given him. I figured he might be freaked out that I had called him out on his prettiness, his laugh being a defense mechanism or something. Maybe he was offended that I had used that word.

_Guys have issues being called pretty, right?_

Another two hours went by, and David finally called it a day. I waited until Jackson came up to me so I could ask if I could say goodbye to David and Catalina. He walked me over to where they were standing, and I thanked David for allowing me on the set and gave Catalina a hug. David wanted to know if there was any pie left, and I just had to laugh. Catalina mentioned that they still had some more scenes to shoot and wondered if I would be around for them. I told her that I honestly didn't know, but I would try to see her again regardless. Jackson walked me back to his set chair before he took off to wardrobe to have the dead squirrel removed and to change into his regular clothes. While he was gone, I began aimlessly walking around, thinking about how I had let it slip that I thought he was pretty. I didn't mean to, obviously. I was just trying to crack a stupid joke, but the filter between my brain and my mouth didn't work. And it especially didn't work when he made me all mushy on the inside. He had laughed at my response so maybe it wasn't a big thing to him. Then there was the whole issue of me touching him. I was pretty sure he could see how fangirl I had gotten as he kept me from falling over. There was no way to explain my way out of that. He hadn't said anything, so I didn't know exactly what to make of anything. But I realized that this was Jackson Motherfucking Rathbone. I mean, he got hit on all the time. I was deciding whether I should apologize, at the very least for the "pretty" comment, when he I heard my name being called.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing all the way over there?" Jackson yelled, walking towards me with his hands in his pockets.

"Way over where?" I yelled back.

I looked around and realized I had walked further into the background of the set, away from where the cars were parked. I immediately jogged toward him, feeling like an idiot for not paying attention to where I was going.

_It's a good thing there wasn't a cliff nearby._

"Sorry. I was communing with nature and all that good shit," I laughed.

"I was wondering how far you were going to walk before you actually realized where you were," he answered. "I just got off the phone with Ashley. You have plans tonight?"

"Do I ever have plans if Suzy's not here?"

"Excellent. The rest of the cast didn't have to shoot today, so they were at the hotel all day. Nikki and Ashley wanna know if you'll come over."

"How are you guys not sick of me yet?" I laughed, though I was honestly curious. "I get sick of myself after only a couple of hours of being awake."

"We're glutton for punishment, I guess," he chuckled.

"I'm game. But we should probably eat that pie before we get there. God only knows how dangerous it would be to have it in the same room as Kellan," I giggled.

We walked back to grab the pie, Jackson noticing that a slice was missing, and giving the girl who was asked to guard it a knowing look. She merely shrugged her shoulders and told me to have a good day. She and I broke out into laughter as I dragged Jackson away. We climbed into a car and drove off to the hotel. I thought the car ride there would be weird, filled with awkwardness about the "pretty" talk or the touchy feeliness on my part, but it wasn't. We actually played Rock, Paper, Scissors for most of the drive, arguing half the time about the merits and logic of paper beating rock. When we got close to the hotel, Jackson asked the driver to drop him off in the front and then drive around to the back where I could enter the hotel. He explained to me that though paps were hardly there when he was coming back from the set, mainly only caring about Rob and Kristen, he didn't want to chance an encounter and have me get caught in the middle. As he predicted, there were no paps around when he left the car and I could hardly wait until the car had come to a complete stop in the back parking lot before I thanked the driver and ran into the hotel. As I was riding in the elevator up to Jackson's room, where I assumed I was to meet him, my cell phone banjoed.

_Where are you? I didn't see you come in. – J Action_

_I'm in the elevator. How did you not see me? P.S. I miss your squirrel wig already. – Iris_

After I exited the elevator, I leaned against the wall across the way from Jackson's hotel room door, texting Suzy to let her know that I was indeed alive and I would call her later that night. When I heard the elevator ding, I glanced up and watched as Jackson walked towards me.

"Well, hello, Ms. Iris," he crooned seductively with his smirk in place, sounding totally fuckhawt in his accent.

_Is he a magician? Because my panties just disappeared!_

"What's with the voice?" I giggled. "Have you been drinking?"

He rolled his eyes at me and led me to Nikki's door where we ran into Kristen. He let me know he was going to take a shower and would join us after he was done.

Inside Nikki's room were Ashley and Kellan watching TV. Kellan glanced up and made eye contact with me. Before I had a chance to pull out of my hug with Nikki or even say hi to Ashley, he jumped off the couch and hugged me.

"Careful! There's a pie in my purse. You're gonna kill it. And I think you may be crushing Nikki in the process."

"I'm more concerned about the pie, so just hand it over and problem solved," he laughed. "I was actually going to ask you if you had any more of those little burrito things, but pie's better!"

"They're called _flautas_, and I think they were all eaten last night. Sorry, kiddo," I responded as I handed the pie over.

I gave Ashley a hug before we all sat down to talk. Eventually, Rob and Taylor came over and joined us. They asked me about my day on the set, and as I was talking about it, Jackson walked into the room.

"Did she get to the part where she called me pretty, yet?" he chuckled.

"Oh, dear God," I mumbled.

My head fell into my hands, trying to hide my humiliation. Everyone in the room simply laughed. I explained the circumstances behind the comment, but that only fueled their laughter. I finally just sat back and joined them in their amusement at my expense.

"We doing anything tonight?" Kellan asked.

"I'd love to go out to eat, but I don't feel like dealing with the paps," Rob threw in.

"Why don't we do dinner at my place? Jackson said you guys have been here all day, so it'll give you a chance to get out," I asked as I looked around the room.

"Will you have more pie?" Kellan asked in a serious manner.

"Maybe, maybe not. You'll just have to find out," I smirked. "And how the hell do you stay in such good shape? All I've seen you do in the past twenty-four hours is eat."

"I was born this way, babe."

"Iris' place it is. Let's leave in fifteen minutes, though. I hate being cooped up in the hotel all day," Kristen said as she stood up and headed for the door.

Everyone but Nikki left the room and headed to get their things. I walked Jackson back to his room and told him to stall the group as long as he could.

"Why?"

"I need to run to the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. All I have are salads, veggie chicken patties, and Doritos."

"How about you take the night off, and we'll just order pizza or something?"

"Um, I don't know. I feel bad inviting everybody over for dinner and not actually cooking. I mean, I'm okay with it as long as you guys are."

"We ready?" Ashley asked as she walked into his room.

I immediately faced her and blurted out that I wasn't cooking dinner, because Jackson wouldn't let me go to the store. When I explained, she rolled her eyes at me and grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the room. We waited for everyone else in the hall, and when we were all together, headed down in the elevator out to the cars that the movie studio provided.

Once we arrived, we climbed out and headed for the front door. Taylor and Kellan were play fighting with one another pretty fucking loudly, and I thanked my lucky stars I didn't have neighbors. I realized that the argument was over the X-Box that Kellan had brought with him, something I totally didn't even see him take from his room. I offered to give Rob, Kellan, and Taylor a tour of the house, but the girls said they would do it. Everyone but Jackson left to check out the backyard while he stayed in the kitchen to look through the drawer of take-out menus for a pizza place that would deliver. I ran upstairs to change out of my sneakers and into my flip flops. Once I got there, I decided against it and simply took my sneakers off. Giddy as the schoolgirl that had taken up residence in my maturity level, I flew down the stairs, ran across the floor, and slid on the linoleum. I overestimated my eagerness and almost slammed into the wall.

"What was that?" Jackson laughed.

"Sliding. Try it."

He stared at me with raised eyebrows.

"What are you giving me that look for? Take the boots off. Come on. The floor won't bite you."

He began to remove his boots slowly, keeping eye contact with me and the confused look on his face the entire time. I took the boots from him and set them next to the front door.

"Now, just run and allow yourself to slide," I instructed, gesturing my arms out in front of me.

His first attempt was timid. He took maybe four or five steps and attempted to slide. I told him to man up and do it right. I demonstrated again, and by the grace of all that's in Texas, he followed. After his second full run, he began to laugh rather loudly. For a solid five minutes, Jackson and I slid around the ground floor of the house. At one point, I ended up all the way back towards the laundry room, and I decided to go for it. I was going to run all the way through the kitchen and attempt to slide all the way to the front door. I geared up, ran through the kitchen, and let myself go. I was just about to make it when I came crashing into something other than the wall. I somehow ended up staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, on the floor, stunned and wondering what the fuck had happened. Then, I heard a roar of laughter. I snapped my head to the left and found Jackson on his back next to me. I realized we had actually crashed into one another while sliding. I couldn't hold it in anymore and fell into one of the biggest laughing fits ever. My laughing spurred on his laughter, which only made me laugh even more. We both began having trouble breathing at the same time, only causing us to laugh _more_. Then, Ashley and Kristen came into view.

"Um, care to explain?" Kristen smirked.

Jackson and I, if possible, laughed louder. I didn't know if it was the lack of oxygen or sheer insanity, but I could've sworn I saw flashes of light go off. Ashley and Kristen attempted to help us up, but when they realized that he and I were both dead weight, they called Kellan and Taylor over to help. After several attempts - several because we kept clutching our stomachs from the pain of laughing so much instead of gripping the boys' hands tightly - we finally stood on our feet, though we had to lean against the wall for support. We tried to explain what happened, but they got sick of trying to decipher what the fuck we were saying through the lack of breathing and laughter. It took us a solid ten minutes to calm down.

We eventually ordered the pizza and settled in front of the TV in the living room while we waited for it to be delivered. When the doorbell rang thirty minutes later, I jumped up to grab some cash from my purse. I noticed Rob was walking toward the door.

"Roberto, what are you doing?"

"Gonna get the pizza," he stated matter-of-factly.

"You wanna give the pizza delivery person a heart attack when you open the door?" I laughed. "_Vete_. I got this."

"I don't know what that means, but here."

He shoved some money into my hand. I started shaking my head and was about to tell him to take his ass and his money back to the couch when Kristen yelled over to us.

"Take the fucking money, Iris!"

I stared at her like a deer in headlights, shocked that someone so little could be so forceful.

"Jesus, you can be terrifying."

I opened the door, paid the delivery guy, and walked back in with five pizzas. It seemed odd to have that many pizzas for such a small group, but I realized it was more than necessary when the boys started scarfing down more pizza in one minute than I thought possible. After eating and cleaning up, Kellan set up the X-Box. For the next hour, everyone tried to beat him in some game that was all guns and blood and explosions. He was so into the game, his face would scrunch up and he would move his entire body in sync with his movements on the control. Knowing that Kellan would probably stay in that same exact position until it was time for them to leave, I ran upstairs to my closet to pull out some board games. I was standing on my tippy toes trying to reach them when I had finally given up and decided to find a chair.

"Need some help, short stuff?"

I turned and saw Jackson leaning into the door frame, his arms crossed across his chest, and looking like he was doing everything possible to keep from laughing out loud. I grumbled about the disadvantages of being a midget and moved aside so he could reach them. I asked him to bring all of them down so that we could all decide what to play. Cranium, Guess Who, Clue (_The Office _Edition), Twister, Trivial Pursuit (Pop Culture Edition), Chess, Scrabble, and Scene It (_Twilight_ Edition) were all removed from the closet and placed on the desk in my room.

"Really?" he asked, holding up the _Twilight_ game, shaking it back and forth so we could hear the pieces inside rattle.

"Don't start. Juanita gave that to me since she was given three for her birthday. And we can put Scrabble back up in the closet, too."

"What do you have against Scrabble?"

"Suzy gave it to me as a gag gift one Christmas. When I told her that I think in Spanish, that I have to translate everything I'm thinking into English before I speak, she gave it to me to help my vocabulary. 'It's my way of welcoming you to our country,'" I imitated. "She can be quite the little bitch when she wants," I laughed.

"She doesn't seem too bad," he replied with a smile.

_And there it is. He likes her for sure. It took him longer than most to admit it, but he likes her nonetheless._

I could feel my face fall as I took in his admission and realized the real deal. I let my hair create a wall between us so he couldn't read my expression, but I wasn't fast enough.

"What's wrong?" he asked, moving my hair aside.

"Nothing," I replied, putting on the biggest fake smile when I turned to face him.

He searched my face, looking confused as shit, and looked like he was about to ask another question but was interrupted.

"Everyone's wondering where you two went off to. Oooh! Games!"

Nikki ran over and closely examined the titles, throwing me a glare when she came across the _Twilight_ game.

"_Ni me preguntes_," I laughed.

The three of us took the board games down to the dining table, wondering what our best choice would be. Apparently, Kellan's uber competitive, so we all decided that any game that had pieces that could be flung across the room should be nixed. We all decided on Cranium, assuming it was one of the best games to cause the least amount of drama and pain. While deciding on teams, I confessed that I was probably just as competitive as Kellan, so he and I were paired up. We moved the game over to the coffee table in the living room and began. Almost two hours later, a play fight between Kellan and Kristen had taken place, a dictionary was brought out to prove the definition of "sportsmanship," and I nearly peed myself in front of everyone from laughing so hard when Rob tried to pull a fast one and claim his team was on the fast track when it was actually the furthest behind.

"I'm not cheating! We've been on the fast track the entire time," he professed in his hoity-toity accent, only causing me to actually run to the bathroom before I embarrassed the piss outta myself. Literally.

The game was eventually forgotten when they began to tell me horror stories about how much trouble they had caused during board game sessions while filming the first movie. We moved to sitting on the couches, talking about the most random things. They were mostly about the pranks that were pulled on each over the past year. I was stuck between cringing and cackling during their stories, noting that Kellan and Peter were usually behind them all. In the middle of a story, I walked over to the kitchen, grabbed the last peach pie from the fridge, and some plates and utensils for us to snack on.

"What happened to the pie from the set?" Jackson asked.

"I gave it to Kellan," I shrugged. "It was the only way to keep him from crushing it and Nikki."

"You're being smart by staying on his good side. You don't ever want Kellan coming after you for a prank."

"Yeah, man!" Kellan exclaimed, his mouth full of pie.

"Oh, I don't know about that. I'm kind of a monster when it comes to pranks, too. Maybe _he_ shouldn't mess with _me_," I giggled.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Not a challenge. Just a statement of fact," I emphasized, pointing my fork at him.

"We'll see…" Kellan trailed off, giving Jackson and I a devilish look.

When it got close to midnight, Rob called for the cars to come back and pick them up. We cleaned up, and I began taking the games back upstairs, Ashley helping out with what I couldn't carry.

"You know, we really appreciate you letting us come over like this. We don't get out of the hotel hardly ever because of the fact that we really don't have anywhere to go where we're not photographed."

"Please, girl. I'm just happy I made friends here. With Suzy gone during the week, I have so much free time, it can get pretty unnerving being alone all the time," I stated, whispering the last sentiment. "I want you to know that you guys are always welcome here. I know it can't be easy to not have any privacy, which is totally unfair, by the way. If any one of you ever needs to bounce, come over. We'll do whatever, whenever."

She set the games down on the desk in my room and pulled me in for a hug.

"Alright, bonding time's over," Jackson replied as he walked into the room.

Ashley and I began to fake cry, fanning our faces with our hands. He rolled his eyes and placed the games back in the closet. By the time we walked back downstairs, the cars were in the driveway waiting for the cast.

"Alright, gimme a call when you guys are free if you wanna hang out," I stated, hugging everyone as they walked out the front door.

"We're not shooting tomorrow. We have a meeting with the studio, but it's supposed to last all day. I'll call you when we get done, though," Nikki explained as she pulled back from our hug.

Jackson was the last to leave. I held out my arms to give him a hug, just like I had with everyone else, when he placed _another_ kiss on the top of my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled.

I immediately ducked my head and began playing with my fingernails while I stared at my shoes. My face was on fire, and I didn't dare look up at him. I nodded and watched his boots walk out the door and down the porch steps. When I heard the cars drive off, I closed the door, rested my back against it, and slid down, settling on the floor.

_.Fuck._

"He either thinks I should be in diapers, kissing me like a baby, or he knows I like him and he's a sick and twisted bastard who wants to torture me," I said out loud to the empty house.

I sat there for a while, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I was doing everything I could to not let this crush get bigger than it already was, but he and his luscious lips kept making contact with my _cabeza_, not helping my situation. How the hell was I expected to get over this?

_I'm in a fucking _Dawson's Creek_ episode. Damn you, Joey Potter!_

* * *

_**Llamame, pinche – Call me, bitch**_

_**Vete – Go**_

_**Muchacha – Girl**_

_**Ni Me Preguntes – Don't even ask me**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's wig: awesome despite the awkwardness.**


	9. Did I Do That?

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / S7J0A6  
**

* * *

I was in his bathtub, soaking wet, and trying to control my breathing. I was doing what I could to stop panting, but it was pretty much useless. He was still on top of me, and I could feel his chest moving up and down as he also tried to slow his breathing. He began to move, and the squeaky sound that came from it reminded me of the _Friends_ episode where Ross was wearing leather pants and would make the funniest noises while sitting on his date's couch. I couldn't help the giggle that left my lips. Jackson moved his face from my neck and looked at me, his face only a few inches from mine.

"Are you okay?" he breathed.

It was odd how his look of concern made me giddy. A smile slowly overtook my face until I was outright beaming.

"I'm good," I whispered.

* * *

"Chinese would rock my socks."

"Excellent. May I take your order, my lady?" Ashley giggled.

"I'll have a small order of shrimp lo mein and can of Diet Coke, please."

"Okay. I'm calling now. I'll leave them your name, so they know you'll be picking it up."

"Roger that. Anything you want me to bring with me?"

"Just the food. I'll text you the address to the restaurant in a few."

"Fantabulous. See you in a bit."

It was almost six, and my day had passed by agonizingly slow. The cast had been in that meeting all day, I was barely able to banter with Suzy while she was on her lunch break before she had to go back to work, Juanita was nowhere to be found - making me a little nervous as I thought how she might just hop a plane and come visit so she could drool over Rob - and Monkey was at work without access to AIM. I tried to watch as many movies that included explosions and severed limbs to get my mind off of Jackson and anything romantic. I even resorted to watching select episodes from every season of _Dawson's Creek_ to find the answers to life and love, my dilemma in particular. But I kept getting distracted by how whiny Joey was, how co-dependant Dawson was, and how smoking hot Pacey was. Not even Kevin Williamson had the answers I desperately needed. I smoked, I cleaned, I smoked, I showered, I smoked, I cooked. _Nada_. Nothing worked. Every time I was almost to the point where I would forget, the fucking butterflies in my stomach would start up and then I'd find myself twirling around like an insane Julie Andrews on a mountaintop.

I ran into the movie theater and picked out a few movies to take with me to dinner, just in case. Traffic was a bitch, and I ended up getting to the Chinese place twenty minutes after I was supposed to be there. I knew we were gonna have to nuke it before eating it at the hotel. As I'd done before, I drove around the back, grateful that the stalkerazzi out front hadn't seen me stick my tongue out at them as I drove by, and made my way into the hotel, up to Jackson's room, and knocked.

"Housekeeping!" I announced in a high-pitched voice.

I heard mumbling as the door swung open, and laughed when Jackson gave me a disapproving look.

"What?"

"I put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my door the first week we were here, but Kellan removed it. Housekeeping came knocking at 8am one morning. I'm still pissed as hell about it."

"You silly boys. Here's the food," I said as I handed him the bag.

"Why is it every time I see you, you have food for me?" he chuckled,

"Where there's a fat girl, there's bound to be food nearby," I shrugged. "I'm gonna go get Ashley. Be right back, squirrel head."

I ran down the hall to Ashley's room and pounded on the door with my palms. I could hear her running to open it.

"What? What's wrong?" she huffed.

"Food's here," I beamed.

As she heard the cheerful manner of voice, she dropped the worried look and gave me a menacing one.

"I thought something was wrong, Iris. You can't pound on somebody's door like that if something isn't wrong."

"I'm sorry I worried you," I fake pouted.

After making sure she had her room key, I closed the door for her and scooched her down the hall to Jackson's room. She and I looked at each other, flashed knowing glances, and then began to pound on his door with our palms, just like I had on her door. Sure enough, we could hear him running to the door. As he swung it open, she and I burst out into laughter and stumbled in. He tried to scold us, but we were having none of that. Instead, the three of us plopped our asses down in a circle on the floor and began to eat.

As we ate, I began to think about Jackson sitting to my left. I wanted to _not_ like him. I wanted to like him. I wanted to _not_ want to spend so much time with him. I wanted to spend more time with him. I wanted to _not_ want to be with him. I wanted to be with him so badly, I couldn't think straight most of the time. I wanted to just blurt out that I liked him, so he could tell me I was pathetic and have it all end there. I wanted it to never end. I didn't know what to do.

I knew that Jackson and Ashley were having a conversation. What they were saying somewhat filtered into my head, but I wasn't really paying any attention. I would nod and agree here and there just to give off the impression that I was actually listening. But I was doing anything but that.

"And then Mariah Carey was photographed wearing nothing but a garbage bag on Rodeo Drive as she made out with Eminem."

_Wait. What the fuck?_

"Wait. What the fuck?"

They both started laughing at me.

"We've been talking to you for the past fifteen minutes. Where did you go just now?" Ashley asked.

"Sorry. Lost in a land of shrimp and noodles," I smiled, though I knew it didn't reach my eyes. "So, this Mariah thing… I _know_ it didn't really happen. Especially the Eminem part. Limey motherfucker," I mumbled.

"No, but I'm sure you'd be the first to know if it did," Jackson smirked.

"It would never happen. She's too classy for a garbage bag, though she's one of the few people who could pull such an outfit off," I teased. "And she would definitely _never _go there with that douche," I assured them, pointing with my fork and shooting death glares. "So, what was the conversation about before you brought me out of my coma?"

"We were talking about the prank war between you and Kellan." Ashley chimed in.

"Um, prank war? Since when is there a prank war going on between he and I?"

"Since last night when you basically challenged him to it. He wouldn't shut up about it when we got back here last night. I think he's planning something devious. I was telling Jackson that you should be the first to attack. Come out guns blazing or however you say it."

"I have no intention of starting anything with that boy. He's a beast! And I can tell he isn't the type to back down. I can hold my own, for sure, but this is a whole 'nother ballpark, kids."

"Listen," Jackson began, "if you do this, you'd be getting him back for all of us. The crap he pulls on us when we're not expecting it comes straight from the pits of hell. We'll even help out. In fact, I'd be offended if you didn't let us. We want to stake our claim in taking him down."

We began to go through different scenarios of pranks we could pull, but they all just seemed wimpy. In the middle of the conversation, Ashley shot up and ran into the bedroom.

"Jackson, where's your Pepto? I ate too much, and now my tummy's hurting," she cried out.

"I don't have any. Want me to go get you some?"

"Wait. I know something that might work," I interrupted. "Jackson, can I use your bed for this? She needs to be lying down for it to work."

We both stood up, and he gestured towards his bedroom. Ashley came out of a door from within the bedroom, probably the bathroom, looking a little sickly.

"Lemme try something? This always worked for me when I was little," I said as I walked towards the bed.

I tried not to freak the fuck out at the thought that Jackson slept in that bed every night, probably sexin it up with some hot punk rock chick, and concentrated on the fact that Ashley wasn't feeling well. I scooted towards the edge of the bed close to the headboard and sat cross-legged. I grabbed one of his pillows, which smelled _delish_, because it smelled like him, and placed it in my lap. I had Ashley crawl on top of the bed and place her head on the pillow. I told her to close her eyes and take deep breaths.

I had what my friends called "magic hands." Apparently, I could give foot and head massages and back rubs with the best of them. I didn't doubt it since Suzy had always been happy for a foot rub, and Jason and Mel, a couple of friends from another group I hung out with, always mentioned how I should open up my own place after I give them a massage.

I started with the hair closest to her forehead and pulled my fingers through her hair, ever so lightly pulling on the strands. I repeated this motion in the same section for a little while before I moved on. I made my way down the side of her face, by her ear, and did the same. When I got to her neck, I moved her hair completely so it was exposed and lightly ran my fingers from the top of her back, up her neck, and up into her hair, making sure that my nails barely made contact with her skin the entire time. Her breathing had become even, a sign that she was absolutely relaxed, and I started to wonder if she had fallen asleep.

"Will you marry me?"

I instantly stopped and looked up at Jackson. He was sitting on the corner of the bed furthest away from us. It looked like he was smirking, though I couldn't really tell because he had his fist placed over his mouth. The hottie's shoulders were shaking, too. He was about to burst out laughing.

"Hon, did you just propose to me?" I laughed, looking down at Ashley.

"You cook, you clean, you give amazing massages," she sighed. "If someone doesn't snatch you up soon, I will."

"It's just being a good Mexican," I shrugged. "Besides, I don't think there's a guy dumb enough to actually wanna snatch me up," I chuckled, earning me a slap on the arm from Ashley.

I fake pouted and resumed working. When I was done with that side of her scalp, I had her turn over. She was now facing my body, and as she adjusted, she hummed. I asked her how her stomach was feeling, and she said that she didn't feel any more pain. The entire time I worked on her head massage, I wondered what the hell Jackson was thinking. I didn't want to look up at him. I didn't have a real reason not to, other than the impending splat of my heart, but I let myself believe that it was just because I was on his "The sex train starts and stops here" bed. Twenty minutes of running my fingers through her hair, I felt Jackson's weight on the bed move.

"Alright, princess. It's my turn," he said.

Ashley shook her head and didn't move. The next thing I knew, she was being dragged off the pillow. I looked over and Jackson was pulling on her by the ankles. She shrieked and began to playfully kick at him. I started laughing wildly. When she sat up on her ass and he leaned into her stomach to throw her over his shoulder, I lost it. I fell down onto the bed hysterically laughing, the tears flowing down my cheeks. I didn't even notice that he had left the room with her.

"Hey!" was all I could hear Ashley yell.

I jumped off the bed and ran into living room area where I watched Jackson dump her on one of the couches. I instantly fell against the wall in hysterics. She was about to jump off the couch and attack him, or so I assumed, when there was a series of loud bangs through Jackson's bedroom wall. I was amazed at how loud they were since we weren't even in the bedroom anymore.

"Keep your kinky sex games down! Some of us are having PG fun over here."

Kellan's muffled voice filtered through the wall, and the three of us froze.

"That's it. He's going down. I'm in. What's the plan?" I asked.

Almost thirty minutes later, a round of hushed conversations and a quiet meeting with Peter, Nikki and Rob, Jackson and I were leaning against his hotel room door, ready to walk out into the hall.

"You ready?" he whispered.

"I think so. What if it doesn't work, though?"

"Trust me. It'll work. Now, just remember that you need to strike first, or he'll see you as weak, okay?"

I nodded my head and moved away from the door. Jackson quietly opened it and allowed me through before he knelt down and grabbed his end of the rope that was on the floor, just as planned. I looked down the hall and found Ashley in place, holding onto the other end of the rope from her hotel room door, directly on the other side of Kellan's room. She was crouched down, and when she pulled on the rope, it lifted a couple of inches off the floor, Jackson doing the same on his end so that the rope was tight. Just a few feet behind Ashley were Peter, Kristen, Rob, and Nikki. They were all standing there with huge smiles across their faces. Nikki and Rob had their cell phones in hand, ready to record when I gave the signal. I looked down at Jackson and then back at Ashley. They both nodded at me, letting me know that they were ready, and I nodded at Rob and Nikki, letting them know it was time to record. I could feel the nerves rack my body as I approached Kellan's door. I heard him and Taylor, who was also in on our little prank, yelling at one another over the game they were playing. Apparently, Taylor was kicking his ass, and Kellan wasn't a very good sore loser. I stopped directly in front of his door, took a deep breath, and began to pound on his door with both hands, throwing my entire body into the motion.

"Kellan, help! I need your help! Please hurry!" I yelled, never letting up on the pounding.

As soon as I heard him begin to run to the door, I walked backwards, stopping directly in front of Jackson's room. The next three seconds went in absolute slow motion. I saw the rope that Ashley and Jackson had been holding slightly bounce as they both pulled a little harder on it. Kellan's door swung open in a giant whoosh. He immediately stepped forward and caught his foot on the rope, sending him sailing into the opposite wall. I started to panic and feared that he might actually hurt himself, but he threw his arms out to brace himself and slid down the wall until his entire body was on the floor. Everybody erupted into laughter, and someone began to clap. I stood there, waiting for Kellan to say or do something. He looked around and noticed that half his cast was in the hall and that Ashley and Jackson were holding the rope that caused him to trip. He finally moved his eyes to mine, a pained expression on his face.

"Iris?" he asked, the look of disbelief never leaving his face.

"What?" I asked.

I innocently shrugged my shoulders and grasped the bottom of my shirt with both hands as I began to twist my body left and right, the same way I did when I was a little girl. The next thing I knew, Kellan was scrambling to get off the floor. I began to squeal, moving my hands furiously back and forth in front of me while I jumped from one foot to the other, trying to move from that spot but unable to get my legs to cooperate. I heard everyone in the hall begin to hysterically laugh, but all I was trying to figure out was how to move my legs so that Kellan couldn't catch me. I looked to my right and briefly caught Jackson as he stood up and threw his arm out, his hand grabbing my wrist. He pulled me inside his room and slammed the door. I leaned back against it, panting like a maniac, while Jackson laid his forehead against the wood. He began to chuckle, quickly turning into an all out laughing fit. I started to join him, but then there was a bang on the door so forceful that it actually threw me off.

"Iris, get your ass out here and take it like a man!"

"I'm a girl, nutbag!"

He continued to bang on the door until Jackson finally yelled at him.

"Dude, you break it, you bought it!"

"You guys have to come out of there some time. Especially you, woman!"

"Nope. I have food and clothing and shelter and good company. Besides, if I really need to leave, I can just rappel out the window!"

Jackson turned to look at me with wide eyes.

"You can do that?" he whispered.

"Military school," I whispered back, nodding my head.

Kellan didn't let up on the door until maybe ten minutes later when we heard Peter telling him that all the pounding in the world wouldn't get us to open the door. After his footsteps left the front of Jackson's door, we both just kind of sank to the floor, absolutely exhausted. We sat there for a few minutes in complete silence. We both turned our heads to look at one another at the same time.

"So worth it," he smiled, causing me to smile back and laugh.

I pulled out my phone and called Ashley. When she saw Kellan go after me, she ran into her room and locked the door with the deadbolt, freaked out that Kellan would go after her next. Peter had apparently convinced him pretty well or Kellan only had daggers out for me, because he never even walked past his own hotel room door to Ashley's. I told her that we were going to hang out here for a while until the coast was clear or Kellan calmed down, whichever came first. We picked ourselves up off the floor and headed into his bedroom to watch one of the movies I brought.

"Okay, so you have your choice between _The Green Mile_, _The Village_, and _The Wedding Singer_," I said, holding up all three DVD cases.

"Umm… I'm not sure…"

"_The Wedding Singer_ it is!" I exaggeratedly smiled

I ran over and put the movie into the DVD player. When I turned around, Jackson was sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard. I didn't know where exactly I was supposed to go. I didn't want to just sit on his bed and make the wrong assumption. Besides, the bed was just a little too intimate for me. Before I could think of formulating a plan, he patted the bed, indicating I should sit next to him, and I internally shrugged, allowing myself this one moment with him. The movie began and we sat and watched, laughing at all the same places.

"I'm feeling left out," I heard him say abruptly.

"Huh?" was my intelligent response as I turned my head to face him.

"Ashley got a head massage, and I didn't. And I bet you $50 that her wig isn't as itchy as mine."

"But you didn't even wear your wig today," I said, completely confused.

He didn't respond. He simply puffed out his lower lip and gave me the biggest puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen. He hit my weak spot, and it didn't help that these puppy dog eyes were attached to Jackson _at all_. In order to contain the squee that was threatening to leave my lips, I rolled my eyes and moved my face away from his as I went to grab a pillow. I sat as I had before, shifting to an angle so that he wouldn't have to lay on my knee and I could still watch the movie, and placed it in my lap as I did for Ashley. He scooted over and placed his head in my lap. If it wasn't for the terminal embarrassment it would cause, I might've died. I immediately felt my face get hot and my hands began to shake. I sat there for a little bit, trying to gain what little self-control I had left and not immediately hump the guy.

_That might not go over too well._

With every ounce of bravery I had in me, I let my hands fall onto his head, and I began winding and weaving them through his hair. He immediately hummed, much like Ashley. Her humming, though, didn't make me wanna straddle her. I tried focusing on the movie while I kept my fingers moving. Something funny must've happened, because he laughed. I wasn't paying any fucking attention and just sat quiet.

"You okay?" he asked, not moving his head.

"Yep."

"You didn't laugh at the old man doing the moonwalk."

"I laughed on the inside."

He chuckled, not good for me considering the position his head was in, and readjusted his body. His right hand turned into a fist and lay on the lower corner portion of the pillow while his right disappeared out of view, underneath the pillow, and slid over to grab my knee.

_Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit!_

Without thinking about it, my hands stopped moving. When he didn't move his position, I looked down at his face. He was smiling, staring straight ahead at the TV. I took a couple of breaths and went back to the massage, which at this point had turned more into playing with his hair. When I told him I was done with that side, he got up off the bed so I could move over to the other side of it, allowing him to lie down and still face the TV. His hands resumed the same position as before, and I died a little on the inside when he touched my knee. I would've continued to have my internal freak out, but my favorite part of the movie was coming up.

"This is the part that makes this movie what it is," I whispered down to him.

Adam Sandler's Robbie, with the help of Billy Idol, began to play "Grow Old With You" over the airplane's intercom system for Drew Barrymore's Julia. I immediately halted my assault on Hottie McGreenEyes' hair. As the song progressed, I began to cry as I always did during that part. That song always got to me, making the internal loneliness of being single for half my life grow just a little bit more unbearable. When the movie finally ended, Jackson sat up and looked over at me.

"You crying?"

"Nope," I sniffled, shaking my head.

I realized just how silly I was being and began to laugh.

"This isn't _Lord of the Rings_," he chuckled. "What gives?"

"It's the song," I laughed. "It's… Shit, I don't know how to explain it."

"Try me."

"I have special plans for that song," I began as I got off the bed and walked to the DVD player. "I want that played when I get engaged or at my wedding."

"That song he just sang? Why that one?"

"Because it's pretty much perfect," I answered.

I turned away from the player to look at him. He raised his eyebrows, a sign for me to continue explaining. I went on with my explanation, fumbling with anything in the general vicinity of the DVD player so I wouldn't look at him and feel like a bigger dumbass than I already did.

"Anyone can declare their love for someone by saying that they'll catch the moon or buy them all the diamonds in the world or take them away to a fancy love island. But that's not real life. It's not something that every girl can expect. He's promising to do the little things in life that matter for her. It's not about the grand gestures. It's about knowing that he'll be there for you no matter how drunk you are or how much you fight over who has control over the remote or that he goes outside barefoot to get you the morning paper because you love his slippers and refuse to give them up. It's not about what you say you're going to do. It's about actually doing it. And since an island isn't the cards for most girls, unless you're dating Johnny Depp, it's about the little stuff."

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to be as non-serious as I could. I exhaled loudly, my breath totally shaking, and craned my head to look at him. He had the most non-readable expression on his face, and I began to internally freak.

"Shut up," I commanded, though he hadn't said anything. "So I'm a hopeless romantic. Big deal."

_Smooth move, Ex-Lax! If you didn't scare him before, you just managed to do it._

I placed the DVD case in my purse and grabbed the other two movies. I was about to call it a night when there was banging on the door. It caused the both of us to jump and me to squeak.

"I know you're in there! I just heard the TV shut off, so I know you haven't left the room!"

"Seriously, Kellan? Just admit defeat!" I yelled back.

"Nevah!"

I could hear his footsteps begin to pace back and forth in the hallway, his little dance confirmed when I look through the peephole, and I let out a chuckle.

"Well, it looks like I'm either rappelling out the window, or we can sit and watch another movie," I said to Jackson, keeping my eyes on everything but him.

He hadn't said anything since my little speech, and my internal freak out session was about to turn into an all out mental institution moment. Continuing with his vow of silence, he walked over to the fridge, grabbed a couple of bottles of water, and walked back into the bedroom. I followed him, dragging my feet, totally bummed at myself that I had ruined our prank war and movie-watching with my stupid mouth.

"Which do you wanna watch?" I nervously asked.

"_The Village_," he answered.

"Ah. This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Ms. Bryce has the lead role in it, does it?" I chuckled.

"None at all," he sarcastically replied. "Are you gonna cry during this movie, too?"

"You know it. I didn't lie when I said I cried at _every_ movie. It's just what I do," I laughed, thankful that we were back to speaking to one another like normal, non-embarrassing human beings.

We leaned our backs against the headboard and began the movie. He jumped up and turned off all the lights in the room, insisting that it would enhance the atmosphere or some shit like that. I was convinced it was because he was just trying to scare me. Since he had already seen it before, he asked me specific questions about the movie, gauging my feelings on it. I told him I had two favorite scenes and that I would let him know what they were when they came up, that M Night Shyamalan is one of my top three directors - next to Peter Jackson and The Spielberg - that I had a huge crush on Joaquin Phoenix until Suzy declared him to be hers, and that I thought the critics were jerks for panning it. He never really said much during the movie. Maybe it was because I wouldn't shut up or he was really interested in what I was saying. I went with the former. When my second favorite scene came up first, I let out a small squeal. It was the scene where Ivy is waiting at the front of her house, arm outstretched, waiting for Lucius to save her because Those We Don't Speak Of were heading for her. The minute he took her hand and the violin from the score began to play, I started crying and lightly clapped my hands "Hercules" style from _The Nutty Professor_. I felt the bed shaking and didn't think anything of it since I assumed it was me. I looked over at Jackson, though, to find him _laughing_ at me, shoulders shaking and everything.

"Are you kidding me? I'm crying like a baby, and you're laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing at the crying. I'm amused at just how involved you get while watching a movie. You're entire face changes with the emotion of the movie."

"That's what's supposed to happen. A movie's supposed to do that. Movies are one of my top three loves, so watch what you say, mister," I playfully argued.

I went back to watching the movie, never really letting Jackson out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he was smirking, thanks to light from the TV, but he was keeping his belly laugh to himself. I tried not to think about the fact that he was paying more attention to me and my girly emotions than the movie. All that went out the window, though, when my favorite scene of the movie came up. The profession of love from Lucius to Ivy when they're sitting outside on her porch has always made me melt. Without realizing it, I had pulled my legs up and rested my chin on my knees, intensely watching the scene. _Again_, I began to cry. I always wanted to have someone say something that beautiful to me, about me. His dialogue was so simple, so to the point. Just before the camera panned away from their kiss, I grabbed a pillow and moved towards the edge of the bed, closer to the TV. I adjusted my position so I was lying on my stomach. I felt the bed move, and I looked over to find Jackson moving to mirror my position. I looked back to the TV and tried to hide my smile, though I'm sure little children in Brazil could see it, it was so large. We watched the rest of the movie in silence. I kept my eyes on the screen and didn't dare look over at him. We were so close to one another, I could feel his body heat. One look over at him, and I was convinced that I would be dragged outta the hotel room by the local police for sexual assault. I waited until the movie ended, sighing at how amazing it was, before I looked over at Jackson. He had fallen asleep, of all things, with his face towards me, hugging his pillow. I wanted to go check the hallway and see if Kellan was still stalking us – ironic, right? – but I couldn't tear myself away from that bed. I relaxed my head onto the pillow, and as creepy as it was, I watched him sleep for a few minutes. Without even thinking about it, I reached out and moved his hair away from his face. At the contact, though, I immediately snatched it back.

_You're trying to crush the crushy feelings, not add to them, fruit loop. Keep your hands to yourself!_

I stayed staring at him for a while before that little voice inside my head, the one that sounded like the voice of reason and a little like Suzy, reminded me of who I was and how stupid I was being. I knew I should get up and leave, but I didn't want to wake him. I was afraid he was going to ask why I was bolting. I didn't have a good enough reason to give him and knew I would probably just end up mumbling something stupid. Instead, I stayed put. The emotional exhaustion set in, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.

The next thing I remember was the sound of running water. I closed my eyes tighter, hoping to make the sound go away, but then I heard the whispered voices.

"This might be taking it too far," said Voice #1.

"They have this coming," Voice #2 replied.

"Leave them alone. They're sleeping," said Voice #3.

"Not a chance," replied Voice #2.

I fluttered my eyes open, smiling when the first thing I saw was Jackson's sleeping face, and moved my head towards where the voices were coming from. I was stuck between freezing from the fear or running because of it. Staring back at me were Peter, Nikki, and a smirk-wearing Kellan. Keeping my eyes on Kellan the entire time, I began to shake Jackson's shoulders, hoping to get him out of the room before whatever Kellan had planned for him actually happened.

"Jackson. Jackson, wake the fuck up. We're in trouble."

He simply moaned and grasped his pillow harder.

"Jackson!" Kellan screamed.

Jackson's eyes shot open and looked up at me. He saw the panic and fear in my eyes and bolted into a sitting position, putting himself between Kellan and I. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nikki run from the room.

"Isn't this cute? The troublemakers are taking a nap from plotting," Kellan sing-songed.

"Kellan, it was all in good fun. What we did definitely does not warrant that look," Jackson said.

I began to stand, trying to catch my balance even though I was still on the bed, and tried to strategize an exit plan. Kellan must've figured out what I was doing, because he immediately stepped into my eye line, cutting off my view of the front door.

"Mike Dexter, I beg of you. I don't entirely know what he's capable of, but I'm asking for help here," I pleaded.

Peter only shook his head as his reply, smiling like a banshee.

"Kellan, if you don't do whatever it is you're going to do, I will make more _flautas_ and more pie and more whatever food you want," I said, trying to negotiate mine and Jackson's safety.

His brow furrowed, making me believe that he was contemplating my proposal.

_You can always get a man with sex or food, Suzy once told me._

"Fine. But no more from either one of you," he scolded.

Jackson and I both let out breaths of relief, and I began to walk towards the edge of the bed to hop down. Kellan stepped forward to take my hand and help me down. I should've known better. The next thing I knew, he had thrown me over his shoulder and I was staring at his ass.

"Kellan! Kellan, put me down!" I screamed. "You promised!"

He was laughing hysterically, causing his shoulders to dig into my waist as they shook. He was walking us somewhere, though I couldn't see where to because I was upside down. My hair was too thick and too long to see through it, but I knew we were walking into another room. the sound of water was becoming louder. I heard other people laughing, and I tried to raise my head to see who it was, but I was more concerned about where he was taking me. I screamed and slapped him, begging him to put me down.

"Kellan, for the love of Mariah and all that is Holy, please put me down! You're gonna hurt your back! Think of all the ladies you won't be able to wo,o because you threw your back out carrying a hippo! Put. Me. Down!"

"Okay. If you insist," he stated calmly.

I heard something being moved aside, and that's when I realized it was the shower curtain.

"Kellan, don't you dare!"

Too late.

I was suddenly flipped over and being cradled like a newlywed bride. I could feel the spray from the shower hitting me. I looked up at Kellan and hoped that my look of remorse or fear would change his mind, but he snickered. His damn eyes fucking twinkled. He pretty much launched me into the bathtub, and I hit the bottom with a oomph. The water, thank my stars, was warm when I expected it to be freezing. I dog paddled against the spray as it was hitting me directly in the face. I leaned toward the knobs to turn the water off, but I felt something slap my hand. Kellan shook his head and wagged his finger at me like I was a puppy being potty-trained. I decided to take my punishment and lay back against the back of the tub, letting the water hit me. Finally seeing that I was no longer fighting it, Kellan immediately rushed out of the bathroom. I assumed he was going to grab a camera, adding to the humiliation of having Nikki, Peter, Rob, and Kristen standing in the bathroom door laughing hysterically. Again, never underestimate Kellan. The next sounds I heard were like that of a cage match on UFC.

"Put me down, asshole!"

I looked towards the bathroom door, and the mixed looks of shock and hysterics were splattered across my audience's face. I then saw them scrambling to move backwards, away from the bathroom door's entrance. Kellan's smug mug came into view, and I realized he had two legs draped over his chest, the feet covered in cowboy boots. I immediately tried to get out of the tub, but the slipperiness wouldn't let me get anywhere. Jackson was thrown on top of me, face down, making me squeal and scream at the sudden weight. I was having difficulty breathing since I hadn't braced myself for the amount of oxygen I would lose when Jackson landed on me, causing me to heave like a mad woman. It also didn't help that his face was planted onto my neck, letting me feel his hot breath. The roar of laughter coming from the bathroom door was so loud, it might've woken the dead in Jersey. Kellan stood over us with his arms crossed across his chest and the biggest grin imaginable.

"I'll leave you two to think about what you've done," he said, and he walked out, closing the door behind him.

It hit me full force what had just happened and the predicament I was in. I should've been pissed at Kellan and plotting my next move, but it absolutely didn't matter.

I was in his bathtub, soaking wet, and trying to control my breathing. I was doing what I could to stop panting, but it was pretty much useless. He was still on top of me, and I could feel his chest moving up and down as he also tried to slow his breathing. He began to move, and the squeaky sound that came from it reminded me of the _Friends_ episode where Ross was wearing leather pants and would make the funniest noises while sitting on his date's couch. I couldn't help the giggle that left my lips. Jackson moved his face from my neck and looked at me, his face only a few inches from mine.

"Are you okay?" he breathed.

It was odd how his look of concern made me giddy. A smile slowly overtook my face until I was outright beaming.

"I'm good," I whispered.

"I swear I'm gonna kill him," he laughed.

"I think we pretty much deserved it," I panted. "He had to retaliate at some point. I just didn't think it would be so soon. The anticipation's supposed to be part of a prank war."

"Kellan's not really known for his patience."

Jackson gripped the side of the tub and slowly moved off of me into a standing position. He looked down at me, shock coming over his face, and quickly looked away.

"Sorry," he said, clearing his throat before he spoke.

"What?"

I looked down at myself and realized that my bra and ta tas were completely visible through the thin burgundy shirt I was wearing.

_And my nipples have decided to make an appearance. Dandy!_

I threw one arm over my chest and used my free hand to try and stand. My feet couldn't find the traction I needed to brace myself, and they kept slipping and sliding, hitting Jackson's boots in their lost cause attempt.

"Um, a little help maybe?" I pleaded.

"Shit! Sorry."

He stepped out of the bathtub and leaned back in, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. I laughed as I stood, realizing that we had never bothered to turn the water off. I tried to move back to the faucets, but Jackson didn't let go of my hands. I looked down at them and shifted my gaze to his face.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, squeezing my hands as he spoke.

_Fuck. Me. Sideways. You should always walk around soaking wet._

I quickly composed my face, trying to keep the red from reaching my cheeks, and mumbled that I was fine. He helped me out and handed me a towel, grabbing one for himself. Still aware that my nips were at attention, I covered myself in it. As we walked back into his bedroom, our audience erupted into laughter, never having left his hotel room. I noticed Ashley was in the room, as well, keeping a safe distance from Kellan. I flipped them all off, causing them to laugh even more, and thanked the gods above that nobody had gotten any pictures. Or so I thought…

"You guys have to fucking see this," Rob laughed, walking towards me with his phone.

"Oh, God…" I mumbled.

Sure enough, Rob had recorded everything from the time Kellan had thrown me over his shoulder to when Kellan had closed the door on Jackson and I in the bathtub. It now made sense to me why Nikki had left the room in the first place. As I stood there and watched the video, I had to laugh. I gave credit where credit was due, and Kellan was a damn fine prankster. As I watched it again for the second time, I felt a hand on my right hip. I looked down and followed the attached arm to see it was Jackson's. He was standing behind me, looking over my left shoulder and down at Rob's phone, laughing at what had happened to us. I guess I stared too long, because I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up, finding Kristen smirking at me.

"You see what I'm talking about?" she said, turning to face Nikki and Ashley.

I shot them all a look. Ashley and Nikki both responded with raised eyebrows, and Kristen simply waived her hand, dismissing my questioning glare. I felt a squeeze on my hip and turned my attention back to the video Rob kept replaying. After the fourth time, I decided it was best to not have that particular POV burned into my memory, though watching Jackson try to run from Kellan before he ended up being thrown over his shoulder made the entire incident well worth it.

"Alright, as much fun as it's been laughing at my expense, I'm gonna get my ass home and into some dry clothes," I stated. "Kellan, touché. Jackson, we shall meet to continue our plotting ways. Rob, I beg you to erase that. You, you, and you," I said to the girls, "we'll talk later."

Before I left, I wrung my hair out in the bathtub and did what I could to dry the front of my shirt. My pants were a lost cause, but I had thankfully worn my flip-flops that day so I at least wouldn't have squeaky, waterlogged socks and sneaks. I grabbed my purse while I smiled and took jabs from everyone about my little swim. Ashley walked me to the door, and we made plans to watch a movie in her room the next day. I waved my goodbye to everyone, smiling when my eyes landed on Jackson, and walked out. The moment I stepped foot outside, I shivered. I quickly rushed to my car, praying to God I didn't trip on something or that the nips hadn't come out for an encore, and was unlocking the car when I heard my name being called. I looked up and found Jackson jogging to me. I shifted my body and leaned against the car while he made his way over.

"You forgot the movies," he huffed.

"I'm coming back tomorrow. I could've gotten them then," I laughed.

"Better to be safe than cry over another one," he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him, grabbed the movies, and threw them and my purse in the front seat via the driver's window.

"Later, troublemaker."

"Bye."

Before I could actually get in the car, he placed his right hand on my hip and kissed my forehead. He smirked and walked back towards the building, never looking back at me before disappearing inside. Shakily, I opened the door and climbed in. I sat there for a few minutes trying to lower my blood pressure. After finally starting the car and getting the hell out of the parking lot, I called Juanita, knowing that Suzy would be sleeping and that I couldn't have an AIM convo with Monkey while driving. I explained to her what was going on with the kissing of my head and the pranks and the head massage. I talked the entire drive back to the house, confused as shit. I didn't know what to do or what to make of anything going on. Did Jackson do this with all his friends? How did this fit into him liking Suzy? Am I off my rocker? Unlike her, Juanita answered with the one thing I wasn't expecting.

"He fucking likes you, _tonta_."

"I'm sorry, but you've reached the wrong number. You're speaking to Iris. I-ris. _La gordita_ who can't get a man to pee on her even if she was on fire. How the hell would someone like Jackson Rathbone ever like me? Screw that. _Why_ the hell would he like me? He's seen Suzy. She's the obvious choice. Is this his way of trying to get to her, by going through me? Juanita, _no entiendo_!"

"Why do you automatically assume he doesn't like you? You've been spending all this time with him, and he obviously enjoys it or he wouldn't continue to do so. And what about Suzy? If he had any interest in her, he would've asked you about her already. Has he? No, so stop your bitching. The only thing I wanna know is what you're planning on doing about this."

_Fuck if I know!_

"Fuck if I know! I haven't had a guy show interest in me since Moses parted the Red Sea," I yelled into the phone. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves here. I still don't believe what you're telling me. He has _no_ reason to like me. Listen," I sighed, "this sort of thing just doesn't happen to me. I mean, I like him. I _really_ like him. But so do millions of other chicks, most of them drop dead gorgeous bitches. He has his choice of any one of them. There's just no chance in hell that what I want is what's going to happen. I just have to accept that."

"_Te has vuelta loca? _Are you that big of a dumbass?"

"Name-call all you want. There's only one thing I can do now," I said.

"And what's that?"

"I have to stop spending so much time with him. I can't let the fact that I like him lead me to believe there's anything on his part. He's just a friendly guy. He was raised in Texas, for crying out loud. They raise gentlemen there like they drill for oil or execute people."

I was still sitting in the car. I was so wound up in the conversation, I hadn't even bothered to get out and go inside. I threw my head back into the seat and sighed. Emotionally exhausted, I was surprised that I could feel the tears welling up.

"The buck stops here, Juanita. I can't do this to myself. I have to put what I feel for Jackson on lockdown. End of story."

* * *

_**Nada – Nothing**_

_**Tonta – Dumb girl **_

_**La gordita – The fat girl**_

_**No entiendo – I don't understand**_

_**Te has vuelta Loca? – Have you gone crazy?**_

**Reviews are like a soaking wet Jackson: mind-numbing and squee-worthy.**


	10. Say Somethin

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / SBjx2N  
**

* * *

I couldn't sleep. Just the thought of not spending time with Jackson and the rest of the cast was making my tummy do flips. But it was something I _had_ to do. I couldn't allow myself to keep falling for him the way I was. It was stupid. Stupid on a level that rivaled Bjork wearing a swan dress.

After tossing and turning, and only three hours of actual sleep, I climbed outta bed around 6am. I fixed myself a light breakfast and then got ready for the day. I knew I was in deep shit when I couldn't even get excited about watching a movie in the theater. That was when I knew that I needed my therapy. My therapy was the only thing that was going to get me out of this shitty predicament somewhat unscathed.

I ran up to my room, grabbed one of the ten notebooks I brought with me, and sat outside on the back porch. The moment I opened the notebook, I began to furiously write. The words were just flowing like beer at a frat party that morning. I don't even remember how long I sat there for. The only reason I was brought out of my haze was because my phone rang.

"Flying back and forth is going to take a serious toll on my body with the change in time zones. I hope you appreciate the shit I do for you," Suzy said without so much as a greeting.

"Yeah. Sorry about that," I mumbled.

"What? No witty comeback? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

Knowing that lying to Suzy was as possible as getting Andy Dick to behave himself, something that could _never_ be done, I bit the bullet and just came out with it.

"I'm writing," I whispered. "I've been writing for –" I stopped as I looked at the clock on my phone, "– almost four hours."

"_Madre de Dios_," she began. "Okay, what exactly happened to cause the write-a-thon? And don't tell me that you're writing happy shit, because I know you."

I set my pen down and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hand. I let out a huge sigh and went on to tell her how I royally fucked up with my feelings. I told her about everything that happened: the kissing on the head, the smirks, the comments that made me realize that Jackson liked her, the prank war, the fact that just thinking about him made my heart race like a motherfucker. She sat there and listened to everything without interrupting, allowing me to get my frustrations out. By the end of the explanation, I was back to crying. Those were the times I cursed having a uterus and all the girly emotions.

"If you look up the word _pendeja_ in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of you as the definition."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? I just spilled my guts, and you're telling me that I'm a _pendeja_? What the fuck?"

"You're putting yourself through a bunch of unnecessary shit. Why is it so inconceivable that Jackson might like you?"

"Did you and Juanita both attend a seminar entitled 'Stupid Shit To Say To Iris?' He doesn't. Fucking. Like me," I stressed. "He likes you. And even if he doesn't like you, which I don't fucking believe for a second, it doesn't mean that he won't eventually. And it _definitely_ doesn't mean that he likes me. If I even entertain the thought, all I do is delude myself. I just need to channel all these fucking feelings out of me. Hence, the writing."

"How many songs have you written?" she sighed.

"I don't know," I replied as I flipped through the notebook. "The notebook I started today is almost full."

"Jesus, Iris. I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself. And I'm gonna take a wild guess here," she stated sarcastically, "and say that you haven't told him about the Kings of Leon concert, right?"

"That would be a negative, Captain Obvious."

"You either tell him today or I'm telling him tomorrow during the barbecue. Got that?"

"Fine. Whatever."

"Alright. I'm about to get into a cab and head to the airport. My flight doesn't leave until 6pm so I won't be landing until midnight, your time. I'll text you the moment I do, and you can come get me. _Bueno_?"

"Gotcha."

"Alright. We'll talk about this shit when you pick me up," she ordered. "And I don't want you fucking sitting in the house all day, brooding over the notebooks! You told Ashley you were going to watch a movie with her, and you shouldn't back out just because you're being emotional."

"Yes, warden. Anything else?" I laughed.

"That's it for now. I'll see you later tonight, _pinche_. Bye."

"Hasta pasta."

I set the phone down and walked back into the house, heading towards the kitchen for a glass of water. When I came back, I noticed that my phone had an unread text message. I froze. If that message was from Jackson, I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do. I stared at my iPhone, trying to decide whether I should actually read it or delete it unread. I finally gave up and decided to read it, breathing a sigh of relief when I noticed that it was from an unknown number but understating that it was from Kellan because of how he threatened to "rock my prank world." I shot him back a text with some snarky comment and actually laughed for the first time that day. It was then I realized that I didn't want to stop hanging out with the group. Despite my issues with my emotions and Jackson, in the little time I had known them, they were becoming very important to me. I could not and _would_ not allow my girly feelings to come between that. I simply had to suck it up and put my best bitch face forward. My phone banjoed again, and I quickly snatched it up and thought up a reply I could send to Kellan. Only this text wasn't from Kellan.

_What time are you coming over today? I have band practice tonight, but I'm free all day before then. – J Action_

I didn't know how to answer him. I didn't want to reply with something bitchy because he didn't deserve it, but I needed to not spend so much time with _just_ him because that's _all_ I wanted to do. As much as I wanted to do just that, I couldn't. I had to start pulling away from him now, so I wouldn't hurt as much in the end.

_Not sure. I haven't heard from Ashley yet, but I'm assuming I'll be at her place later this afternoon. – Iris_

I went through the motions of fixing myself lunch while I waited for a response. I never got one from him. I did, however, get one from Ashley letting me know to head over whenever I wanted and to bring some movies over, so we could decide on what to watch. I tried to lose myself in the most mundane shit around the house, but all I kept thinking about was Jackson and how I was going to stay away from him and yet remain friends with everyone else without it getting all sorts of weird. I finally gave up an hour later, heading to the theater to grab some movies. I made sure that my notebook was securely hidden underneath my mattress before locking up. Before I got in the car, I checked the mail and realized I had a package waiting for me at the post office. I decided to pick it up before heading over to the hotel. Five minutes into my drive, my phone rang and I immediately tensed up. I checked the screen and realized that it was from my mother.

_I love you, Mom, but please don't start with the usual shit today._

My parents and I always went no more than two days without speaking with one another. This call, however, I had been dreading. They were visiting my grandmother, a woman who, while she loved me, didn't like me very much.

"Hi, mom."

"Hey, _mija_. _Que estas haciendo_?"

"I'm on my way to meet some friends. _Y tu?_"

"I just finished speaking with your _abuelita_. You know we need to talk."

For the next forty-five minutes, I listened to everything she had to say while I fumed quietly. I knew better than to argue back. It never worked in the past, and I didn't have the strength to deal with her just then. I somehow managed to not cry. I wanted her to stop talking, but I didn't even bother to ask her to hold when I stepped into the post office to sign for and pick up my package. I internally disagreed, yelled, screamed about everything she was spewing at me. Even while sitting in the back parking lot of the hotel, I didn't ask her to stop. She just needed to get it all out, or I would have to deal with her much sooner rather than later. It wasn't until my Dad finally stepped in and took the phone from her that I felt like I could breathe.

"That went on long enough. M_ija_, call me back when you've calmed down."

I hit the end call button and stared at my phone. There was no way I was going to face Jackson or spend time with Ashley in the state I was in. I was surprised I hadn't gone all Incredible Hulk, turning green and busting through my shirt. I grabbed my keys and phone, throwing everything else in the trunk of the car, and started walking down the street. I texted Ashley that I was in the area but something came up, and it would be a little bit before I headed up to see her. I updated Twitter, letting the world know that I was not to be bothered thanks to a phone call, and continued to walk until I came to a park. I found a bench off to the side that was unoccupied and wasn't in the vicinity of any people.

I threw my "Bad Family" playlist on my iPod and settled in. Song after song, I replayed the conversation with my mother which only served to piss me off even more. I don't know how long I sat there. I resisted every urge I had to cry. I wasn't going to allow my grandmother to get to me, especially the fact that she used my mother to try and reach me with her bullshit opinions and theories. I was just about calm when my phone rang. Without checking who it was, I answered.

"Are you okay?" Jackson immediately asked.

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Ashley said something came up and that you needed some time to yourself, but she says it's been hours since she heard from you."

"Oh, that. I'm fine. Just some stupid bullshit I needed to sort through."

"But you're okay now?

"Peachy," I said, hating that I had to lie to him.

"Good… Um, lemme call you back in a couple minutes," he quickly replied before hanging up.

All the calm, the calm I had finally gained earlier, left my body. I didn't need to deal with my family shit on top of how I was trying to deal with what I felt for Jackson. I just ended up more confused and couldn't bring myself to leave that bench. Before I could resume listening to my iPod, he called me back.

"Sorry about that. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"I'm fantabulous," I lied.

"If you say so," he said before clearing his throat. "Listen, I, uh, I have a favor to ask. I need your advice on something."

"Okay, shoot."

"Well, I'm trying to ask this girl out, but I can't come up with a way to do it. Any suggestions?"

_Are you fucking kidding me? He's asking me advice on how to ask Suzy out?_

"Why would you need advice from me?" I began. "You're Jackson Motherfucking Rathbone. Just flash that smile, and you're good to go," I forcibly laughed.

"Be serious. What should I do?"

While the thought of Jackson and Suzy dating only made me wanna throw up my intestines, I didn't wanna be that bitch that schemed her way to keep two friends apart, even if one of them had no interest in the other. If Jackson liked her and wanted to ask her out, I wanted to give him a fair shot.

"Well, Suzy likes it when guys are straightforward. You can ask her out for a drink. Invite her out to a casual restaurant and then a movie. Be honest with her. Just tell her you like her and that you'd like to take her out."

"That would be great if it was Suzy I wanted to ask out."

_Hold the phone!_

"You don't like Suzy?" I asked, shock ripping through every word.

"She seems like a great person, but she's not really my type."

"Gorgeous isn't your type? You must be the first guy in history to say that. Are you high right now? Suzy's the wet dream of every guy that's ever seen her. I've never known a guy to _not _wanna ask her out."

"Oh, you're funny," he stated. "But she's not the girl I wanna ask out."

_Who the fuck is this chick, and where can I find her to break both her legs?_

"Um, okay. Why don't you just use the same tactic with this other girl then?"

"Well, she's not into flashy things, so I don't think a restaurant would be a great place for a first date. A movie, maybe. But I wanna do something simple and fun with her. What do you think?"

"Ice cream," I immediately replied. "If she's not all showy and fancy, you can take a walk with her while you guys eat your ice cream. It's simple, cute, and it'll give you guys a chance to talk."

The more advice I gave, the more I wanted to rip my hair out. I did my best to keep my emotions in check while I was on the phone with him. I didn't want him to know how it made me wanna tear the bench I was sitting on in two.

"That's pretty on point. Thanks for the advice. I gotta run, but I'll see you soon."

I hung up the phone and debated whether I should head back to the hotel to Ashley's. I ended up putting only my right headphone in and staring out into the park again. I didn't want to see her while I was in my emo state. I brought my legs up and rested my chin on my knees while I calmed myself down.

"Do you like ice cream?"

I squealed and jumped when I heard the voice in my ear. I turned to my left and was face-to-face with Jackson. It didn't escape my hormones that our faces were only a couple inches apart. Despite my decision to pull away from him, I couldn't help but smile. It was an automatic response. I didn't even realize I had licked my lips.

"Hey," I said softly. "What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?"

"Ashley got worried when you didn't go see her. Nikki thought you might've posted something about where you were or what was wrong on that Twitter thing. I remembered how you said you liked to people watch, and this park is the closest place to the hotel where you can do that without being interrupted."

"Oh," was all I could reply before realization hit me. "Dude, what are you doing out here? The paps! You're gonna get attacked!"

I started shifting my body left and right while I looked around and tried to eye a camera popping out of a bush.

"Kristen and Rob actually took care of the paps for me, so I'm in the clear," he laughed as he sat down on the bench.

"Why? What happened?"

"They thought they could leave the hotel and head to the Starbucks around the corner without being noticed. They made it as far as the front door of the hotel before they were bombarded and gave up. They ended up just going back up to their rooms."

"That's shitty," I muttered.

We sat there for a few minutes in silence. I could feel his eyes on me and could tell he wanted to say something, but I kept looking straight ahead.

"Hey," he sighed. "I know you're not okay. What's going on?"

Fuck. This was _not_ a conversation I wanted to have, especially with him.

"It's nothing. It's kinda hard to explain anyway," I shrugged. "Besides, it'll seem like I'm looking for pity or fishing for a compliment. And that's not what I'm trying to do _at all_."

"No pity and no fishing. Got it," he innocently smirked before composing himself. "Will you try? I just, uh, don't like seeing you like this."

I turned my head to look at him and was taken in by the most concerned expression on his face. As much as I needed to talk about this, Suzy not being an option since she was on a plane, I didn't want to open my bag of shitty issues to him. He could sense my hesitation and quickly backtracked, letting me know that he didn't wanna force anything out of me that I wasn't ready to talk about.

"It's okay," I said, letting my hair fall to block my face from his view as I gave in. "Um, on my way to the hotel, I got a phone call from my mother. My parents are visiting my grandmother today, so I knew better than to pick up the phone but did it anyway. I guess the best place to start is by saying that my grandmother doesn't really like me."

"Why?"

"I didn't grow up to be the granddaughter she expected me to be, that she _wanted_ me to be," I started, all the while keeping my gaze either on my shoes or straight ahead, because there was no way I was going to get any of that out if I looked at him. "Appearance is a very important thing to my family, my grandmother especially. She can be very, um, I guess superficial is the word I'm looking for. She sometimes sees people mostly for what they look like and what they have, not who they are. My cousins, they're… Well, they're gorgeous. They're all tall and thin and beautiful. So you can imagine how angry she is with me," I said, trying to joke and failing miserably.

I heard him shift his position on the bench, and it caused me to debate whether I should continue. For all of my determination to stay away from him physically, I began to realize just how close I was getting to him emotionally. Then I figured that if I just told him everything, _he_ would be the one to make the decision to stay away.

_If I can just let him know enough to scare him off from wanting to be my friend…_

"I'm not pretty. I'm not thin. I'm not even five feet tall," I practically whispered. "It's difficult for her to deal with this. She never fails to remind me of just how _wrong_ I am for what I look like, especially when one of the girls mentions that she's got a new boyfriend or is getting married or is having a baby. It's even worse considering I'm the oldest of all the girls. They're miles ahead of where I am. I'm supposed to be married with babies at this point, and the fact that I don't even have a boyfriend, that I haven't had one in years, makes her cringe," I scoffed as I continued to fidget. "My poor mother gets caught in the middle, because she plays the messenger. If I can help it, and I know this sounds horrible, I try not see my grandmother for the simple fact that I don't wanna sit there and take it. I've been taking it since I was twelve. I mean, this whole thing with her was one of the reasons why I moved to New York in the first place. It was far enough that I didn't have to see her and deal with it on an almost daily basis. I tried arguing back a couple of times, but there's not really much to argue with. I mean, she's right. There's no getting around that, but it's not something I wanna hear all the time. I know what I look like. I don't need to be reminded of it every chance she gets," I said.

We both sat there for a few minutes, not speaking to one another. I could feel him staring at me, and I prayed to sweet baby Jesus that it would be enough for him to say, "Fuck and shit. You're ridiculous. I'm not doing this." Instead, he asked the one question I didn't expect him to.

"You really believe all that?"

His question caught me so off guard, I couldn't even verbally respond. I simply nodded my head as I continued to play with my shoelaces.

"Unbelievable," he muttered.

I tucked my hair behind my ear and finally turned my head to look at him. He was sitting on the edge of the bench, his elbows on his knees, and glaring at the grass underneath him. Hottie McGreenEyes looked _pissed_. I'd never seen him like that before, and I couldn't think of a reason as to why he looked like he was going to combust. I went back to staring at the happy, shiny people in the park, not knowing how to diffuse his sudden bad mood. Finally, I felt him shift and looked over at him. His right hand started to reach out to me, and my plan to keep a physical distance from him sprang back into my mind. I immediately lowered my left leg and scratched a non-existent itch on my calf, waiting for him to withdraw his hand. When he did, I brought my leg back to my chest and ended up kicking my iPhone in the process.

"What are you listening to?" he asked, gesturing his chin to the iPod.

"That would be my 'Bad Family' playlist," I kinda laughed. "It's something I put together to help calm me down after those oh-so-wonderful phone calls from the family. I didn't want the unsuspecting people of Vancouver to have to deal with my ragey side."

"Do you mind if I…?" he trailed off as he reached for the iPod. "I could take the right headphone, and you could take the left."

"Um, s-sure," I stuttered as I stumbled to give him the correct headphone.

"If you're not comfortable or something, you don't have to."

"It's nothing like that," I lightly chuckled. "It's just that, uh, my music makes me pretty transparent."

"What do you mean?"

"Music is who I am," I shrugged. "You can always tell what's going on with me by what I'm listening to."

"I thought movies were your thing."

"Movies are my fantasy. Music's my reality," I explained.

"You lost me," he smirked.

"Movies are my way of leaving real life for a while. I can always watch one and escape for a couple of hours into a land far, far away. With music, it's anything and everything. It's my good moods and bad, cleaning the house, dance parties with Suzy, getting away from my family. At the risk of sounding like a _Behind The Music_ episode, music is what I'm made of. I breathe it. It's in my veins. I'm nothing without it."

He flashed that panty-dropping smile at me, and I almost fell off the bench. I tried to hide my blush as I fumbled with the buttons on my iPod and restarted the song I had been listening to when he first walked up.

"What's this?" he asked.

"'Cold Water' by Damien Rice. He's recently become my calming guru."

As we sat there and listened, I did my best to not pay attention to just how close he was sitting to me. Sharing headphones definitely didn't help my plan of staying far away. I kept my legs up, hugged my knees, clasping my fingers together, and called on every god and imaginable force in the universe to keep me from reaching out and touching him. I kept my eyes straight ahead and focused on the song, its soothing words, mouthing the lyrics when Lisa Hannigan came in.

When the song ended, rather than make a move to leave, Jackson asked that we listen to the next song.

"I _love_ this song," Jackson sighed.

"You can do no wrong when you go with Johnny Cash. 'Hurt' makes me miss him so much more than any other song of his. And I don't care what anybody says. This may be Trent Reznor's original work, but Cash _owns_ it now," I replied sternly, causing him to chuckle at me.

"Can I see what else you have on your iTunes?"

"Rock out," I smiled, somewhat surprised that I was comfortable letting him see what was at the core of my existence.

He scrolled through for a few seconds while "Hurt" continued to play. When the song ended, he paused the playlist.

"Six thousand songs? Is there anything you don't listen to?" he chuckled.

"With the exception of Weird Al, polka. Accordions scare me sometimes. But don't tell Suzy. It's the music of her people."

" Wow… You have everything from your beloved Mariah to Metallica to Nsync," laughing as he raised his eyebrows and shook his head, "to some_thing_ or some_one_ named Pitbull to a bunch of soundtracks."

"What can I say? I'm a score-whore."

"You're a what?" he laughed.

"A score-whore. I _love_ soundtrack scores."

"What's your favorite?" he asked, leaning in and still laughing.

"_The Village_. Without a doubt. But I've been listening to _Defiance_ a lot lately. Then there's _Braveheart_ and, of course, _'The Lord of the Rings_ Trilogy."

"Of course," he replied, rolling his eyes and laughing.

"Oh! I can't forget _Transformers_," I threw in, earning me a confused look from Jackson. "Dude, never count out Steven Jablonsky. 'Bumblebee Captured' is an amazing track. Makes me cry _every_ time," I defended.

Jackson shook his head and continued to laugh. I noticed that the sun was low in the sky, and it hit me just how long I had been sitting in that park. Wanting to pull myself out of the bubble we were in, though not really, I playfully yanked the headphone out of his ear and stood up.

"You ready to head to the hotel?" he asked.

"Yep. But I need to do something real quick. You go on ahead. I'll be there in a bit."

"You sure? I could just go with you, if you don't mind."

"I don't know how long I'll be," I lied. "Plus, don't you have band practice? I may have only met the guy once, but Graupner doesn't seem like the type you wanna leave alone without adult supervision."

"I guess you're right," he laughed. "Okay, I'll let Ashley know you're on your way, then."

"Hey, before you go… Um, did you get around to asking that girl out for ice cream?" I nervously asked, not making eye contact and fidgeting with my hair.

_Dig that grave a little deeper, Iris._

"Yeah, I did," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and rolling back onto his heels.

"And?"

"I don't know. She never answered me."

"Oh."

He and I stood there, him rocking back and forth and me faking an interest in my phone, neither speaking.

"Stupid girl," I whispered to myself.

I heard him stop rocking back and forth, and I knew he'd heard me. I was mentally scrambling for something to say. I kept my head down, pretending to focus on my phone, but looked up at him through my lashes to gauge his reaction to my comment. He was staring. _Really _staring.

"Suzy," I blurted out. "She messaged me from the plane, because she got one of those free trial cards for internet access. She's super excited," I smiled.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he just resumed his rocking.

"Okay, get going before Graupner sets fire to the hotel curtains," I laughed. "I'll go run my errand and be up to see Ashley when I'm done."

He smiled, turned, and walked off. I stood there like a fucking statue and watched him walk away, half-expecting a photog to jump out of a tree like Tarzan and blind him with the flash of a camera. As soon as he was out my view, I jumped up and down out of complete frustration with myself, probably resembling a four year old throwing a tantrum.

"_Mensa_, _mensa_, _mensa_."

I threw my headphones in and scrolled through my iTunes until I found "Pretty Handsome Awkward" by The Used. I needed some serious guitar and drums to work out my complete moment of not having common sense. I needed to kill some time, having lied to Jackson about needing to run an errand. I walked as slowly as I could back to the hotel when I spotted the Starbucks.

_Thank you, Seattle!_

I debated whether I should or not but ultimately decided that Rob and Kristen deserved to have their coffee and drink it, too. I did a quick Google search to find out what they each liked and went in to order. I snatched up some cookies, as well, and headed back to the hotel. I pulled my purse and package from the trunk, carrying everything in with me somehow. When I got to Kristen's door, I set the box down against the wall and knocked. When she answered, I raised both cups in front of me and smiled like a goofball.

"Oh, my God. I fucking love you," she said as she reached for the drinks. "Rob, get over here!" she called into the room. "How did you know?" she asked when she turned back to me.

"Jackson told me what happened. I know that going out for coffee is sometimes more about the going out part than the coffee part, but I figured that coffee indoors is better than no coffee at all."

Rob came over and stared at the two drinks in Kristen's hands. When she handed him his, he looked right at me.

"Alright, get in here. I'm humping your leg," he deadpanned.

"You should really see a professional about that leg humping thing," I laughed loudly as I reached down to get my box and walked into the room. "I shudder to think how you'll turn out if it goes untreated."

We settled on the couch, and I couldn't help but laugh when Rob stated, "That's some good shit right there," after he took a sip from his cup.

"How did you know what we drank? Did J tell you that, too?"

"I Googled it," I replied, simultaneously cringing and laughing at my unintended _Twilight_ quote.

We relaxed into the couches as they told me about the mayhem they caused by trying to go out to get a coffee. When I joked that at least he didn't have bitches jumping on him like they did during the filming of _Remember Me_, Rob groaned.

Kristen and I were in the middle of teasing him about it when my phone went off, alerting me to a text from Ashley.

"Shit. I was supposed to be over there a long ass time ago. I should get going," I said as I stood up and grabbed my purse and package. "We're watching movies if you guys wanna join."

"Sure. Sounds good," Kristen replied.

"I'm gonna take a shower, but I'll be over soon," Rob told us.

As we were walking out of the room, Jackson was coming out of his.

"Thanks for the coffee, by the way."

"No prob, Rob," I laughed.

_Ha! Rhyming's funny_.

"There you are," Jackson said when he came up to us. "Where'd you go?"

"She went to Starbucks and got us coffee," Kristen said as she grabbed my purse when I began struggling with the box I was carrying.

"Oh," he replied, clearing his throat. "What's that?"

"No clue. The package slip said it was from Monkey, so it could be just about anything," I replied as I walked to Ashley's door and knocked.

"Are you okay?" she asked me as soon as she opened the door.

"I'm fine now," I sighed, quickly glancing at Jackson and dropping my head so that my furious blush wasn't as evident.

We all walked in, and after putting everything down, I opened the box. The most random assortment of goodies stared back at me, and I actually squeed from the excitement.

"'Glad to know you're having fun in Vancouver. Some treats for my other half are enclosed. Have fun on Sunday. Get er done!'" read the letter she placed at the top of all the items.

I pulled out everything she had sent: a monkey plate, a monkey beach towel, an assortment of monkey pens, a bag of family-sized Doritos, canned vegetarian soups, a bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy, several boxes of whole wheat pasta, a bottle of Prego, a box of tea, a loaf of banana bread that was wrapped in foil, the copy of _Juno_ she borrowed the last time I saw her, a Mariah Carey button, an Edward Cullen bookmark (this one made us all cackle), and something wrapped in tissue paper. I picked up whatever it was and read the note she had attached to it.

"'I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns and not eating the live critters. I will think of you as I have pork chops this weekend. Just a little monkey wardrobe to boost your self-confidence. I'll wear the Curious George one you sent me on Sunday as good luck. Miss you!'"

I tore open the tissue paper and held up a brown fitted shirt that sported the monkey from _Family Guy_ and said, "There's An Evil Monkey In My Closet."

"I effin _love_ this girl!" I beamed as I placed the shirt over my chest, realizing that it actually might fit me.

"Why would you need good luck on Sunday?" Ashley asked.

_Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck._

"Um, Suzy and I have tickets for the Kings of Leon concert," I said. "Monkey dared me to bum rush the stage and try to make out with Caleb," I laughed as I lied through my teeth.

"We're going, too. Rob was foaming at the mouth when he found out they were going to be here. He made us all get tickets so we could go," Jackson laughed. "You and Suzy should sit with us. We're sitting in the second level in a VIP area so Rob doesn't get mauled by the ladies."

I tried to gracefully decline, not wanting to be in such an intimate space with Jackson considering what I had to do that night, but I had to accept when Kristen threatened to join Kellan's side of the prank war. I would just have to remind myself to keep a safe distance from Jackson at the concert. I replaced all my goodies back into the box as he left to his room after getting a text from Jerad that they were almost at the hotel. Reminding me about my inner-devil's need to get back at Kellan, I asked Ashley and Kristen if they knew where he was. When they replied that he was at the gym with Nikki, I took off out of the room, explaining to them I had something to take care of before he got back, and made my way downstairs to the front desk. It was time to retaliate and regain the upper hand against Dimples.

"Hi. You don't know me, but I know you were working the desk yesterday evening," I said to the clerk, going with the information I had gathered from Ashley last night as she walked me out.

"Yes, ma'am. Is there a problem?" she asked.

_Ugh. There's that ma'am thing again._

"Well, I have it on good authority that a certain tall, good-looking man with dimples asked you for an extra key to get into a room that isn't his."

At this, she broke out into a blush and started to stammer. Before she could dig herself a bigger hole, I stopped her.

"I'm not here to get you in trouble or anything. In fact, _I_ need your help this time. See, when you gave him that key, it gave him license to fully keep me on my toes. I need to be able to have that same power. I promise I won't do anything to get you into any trouble, and I'll even make it worth your while," I plotted.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked, absolutely getting sucked into my little plan.

"Well, I need a copy of _his_ hotel key. You know, just so he and I are on even ground. In return, you will be rewarded with a smooch from the man himself."

"What? But I don't even –" she started.

"Listen. Don't give me this 'I don't like him' crap. He's hot, and I saw that blush earlier when I mentioned him. So, you either want the man to play tug-o-war with your lips or you don't."

Five minutes later, I was in Kellan's bathroom, putting the finishing touches on my latest scheme. Before I left, I put a note on his door right where he could see it: "Before you freak out, come find me in Ashley's room and I'll help you take care of it. Besides, you only have yourself to blame. Love, The Bathtub Dweller."

I headed back over to Ashley's room wearing a knowing smirk. Kristen and Ashley both asked that I tell them what I was up to, but I feigned ignorance. I quickly changed the subject, asking what movie they wanted to watch. I brought _While You Were Sleeping_, _Steel Magnolias_, and _13 Going On 30_.

"I see a pattern developing here," Ashley laughed.

"What's _Steel Magnolias_? I've never seen it," Kristen asked.

I'm sure the fact that my jaw hit the floor was an indication that her not seeing this movie was a bad move on her part.

"Watching _Steel Magnolias_ is like getting your period; you're not a woman until you've experienced it," I explained. "I'm revoking your vagina card until then."

As we settled in to watch the movie, I texted Nikki and asked her to message me the moment they were headed back. I wanted to be fully prepared for anything he might do to or at me if he decided not to freak out about what I had just done. About an hour into the movie, Nikki finally texted me back, letting me know they were leaving the gym.

_Should I wait to shower so I don't miss the aftermath? – Nikki_

_Depends. Does Kellan take long to shower? – Iris_

_Nope. He's usually in and out and ready to go in less than fifteen minutes. – Nikki_

_Then you should definitely wait. – Iris_

She knocked on the door a short while later, and we all sat around waiting for Kellan to make his presence known. Not five minutes later, we heard the knock and I jumped up from the couch to answer it. Unfortunately for my inner-devil, Rob was on the other side. I guess I didn't look happy enough to see him.

"Were you expecting Jackson?" he smirked.

"No," I replied, confused as to his assumption. "Just expected a fair amount of crying from someone else when I opened the door."

The next knock on the door came ten minutes later, and I just _knew_ it was him. Nikki had her camera phone ready and hit record as I walked over to the door and opened it.

"_Please_ tell me this comes out!"

There, in all his dimpled glory, was Kellan sporting a rather knock-out shade of bright orange hair. I immediately fell to the floor in hysterics. I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard. Everyone else was just as hysterical as I was. I noticed that Nikki was having the most difficult time controlling her phone while she laughed.

"You couldn't just leave well-enough alone, could you?" Kellan said, still standing in the doorway.

"You're the one who gave me the idea," I replied, finally picking myself up off the floor.

Out of nowhere, he lunged at me and I just barely made it out of the way. He ended up chasing me for a couple of minutes, but Rob called it quits when I ran behind him and used him as a shield.

"Will you take this out now?" Kellan whined.

"First, I get to parade you to my partner in crime. Come on."

Forcibly dragging him, I took him to Jackson's room where I could hear music coming from the other side of the door. Benny answered the door when I knocked. He looked a little surprised as he took in Kellan's hair color and started to laugh.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your practice, but can I borrow Jackson for a few minutes?" I giggled.

"Guys, you gotta see this!" he yelled into the room.

As the rest of the band got closer to the door and noticed Kellan, their laughter became louder. I thought Graupner was going to lose his voice, he wailed so loudly. Again, we all just stood around and laughed our asses off at his expense. I turned to Jackson and was about to ask him if he wanted pictures of this but was caught off guard at how much he _wasn't _laughing. Before I could ask him what the deal was, Kellan piped in.

"Alright, you got your kicks. Can you get this out of my hair now?"

"Poor baby," I pouted. "First, we need pictures! I gotta have this properly documented."

I ran back into Ashley's room and dug through my purse for my iPhone. I had just found it when I heard the door behind me close.

"That was a good one."

Startled, I quickly whipped around. Jackson had his hands shoved into his pockets and was kicking at the carpet.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"So, you put something in his shampoo?"

"Yeah. It was fairly easy getting his room key."

He stood there, staring at the ground, and mumbled something.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "You're acting like you didn't enjoy that."

"I did, but that's not it. I guess I'm wondering why you didn't let me know about it. I woulda liked in."

_Is he… pissed?_

I knew that pulling this prank by myself was just another way of separating myself from Jackson. I loved the idea that this prank war was he and I versus Kellan. But that was the problem. I didn't _want_ to love it, because I knew it would just be another thing that would keep me in his general prettiness. Of course, I couldn't let _him_ know that.

"You had band practice. I didn't want to bother you with it," I half-lied.

"Oh."

We stood there for a few seconds, and I noticed just how tense the silence was. I finally decided to move when I heard Kellan yelling my name. Jackson and I walked out of the room and found Ashley and Nikki trying to style his hair with gel.

"We're taking pictures. Your hair has to look nice!" Nikki explained to him.

"She's right, Dimples," I laughed as I walked up to him.

We each took our turn taking a picture with Kellan. He was a good sport about the whole thing, even giving off cheesy smiles as the camera flashed. The cheesy smile abruptly disappeared when I informed him that he had an appointment to make-out with the front desk clerk. When we were done, the Monkeys went back to Jackson's room to finish practicing and everyone but Kellan and I went to Ashley's room. I used the hotel-supplied shampoo to wash his hair, effectively removing the food coloring, and promised him that I would buy him a new bottle of his personal shampoo before I left for the night. I left Kellan in his room to finish and went back to Ashley's.

Since Rob had joined us, we decided against finishing _Steel Magnolias_. We ended up flipping through the TV channels, trying to decide on what to watch, but decided we were all too hungry to concentrate. I offered to cook dinner since we all couldn't come to an agreement about where to order from. As I was walking out of Ashley's room, making my way to the elevator, Graupner was leaving Jackson's.

"Where are you off to, troublemaker?" I asked.

"I volunteered to get dinner, but I don't know where I'm going."

"If you guys can wait about an hour, I'm gonna make fajitas," I offered.

Without saying anything, he ran back to Jackson's room and busted in. The last thing I heard before getting on the elevator was him yelling, "Iris is making us dinner. Win!"

I drove to the grocery store, shopped as quickly as I could, making sure to grab a couple twelve packs of Corona and Kellan's new bottle of shampoo, and raced back to the hotel. I unloaded all the bags and scrambled my way back up to the hotel room. As I waited for someone to open Ashley's door, I prayed that Jackson was still in his room and I wouldn't have to see him until it was time for us to eat. When I made it into the room, I noticed that Rob was missing, having gone to Jackson's room to play with the band, and Nikki was freshly showered. Kristen was flipping through a magazine, and Ashley was set on helping me make dinner. Since Ashley's room didn't have the dining table that Jackson's did, Kristen and Nikki rearranged some of the living room furniture so that we could sit around and eat. As Ashley and I cooked, we talked about nothing in particular, the four of us mindlessly chatting. Just as I was finishing cooking the steak, already having cooked my fake chicken strips and Ashley was warming the tortillas in the microwave, she suddenly stopped and turned to me.

"So, when are you going to tell Jackson you like him?"

Thank God for reflexes, or I wouldn't have caught the frying pan that almost slipped out of my hand, just about sending their dinner to slip and slide across the floor. As I set it back on the stove, the three of them laughed hysterically.

"What are you talking about? I don't like Jackson," I said, praying that the twitching wouldn't show up.

"Bullshit!" Kristen exclaimed. "I see the fucking looks you give him."

"It's actually pretty cute," Nikki threw in.

"There are no looks. Nada," I said. "He's a friend. That's it."

"Ha! Even I know that's crap," Ashley said. "You two have spent so much time together since we met you, it's pretty hard not to notice."

"Whatever drugs you guys are taking, please share," I said as I turned away from the stove to finally face them.

"There's nothing wrong with liking him. You just have to tell him," Nikki smiled. "Besides, if you don't like him, then how do you explain these?"

She walked up to me and held out her phone for me to take. There, on the screen, was a picture of Jackson and I on the floor of the house, laughing hysterically.

_I guess I wasn't seeing flashes of light from the lack of oxygen._

She went through more pictures of he and I from when we collided, now known as The Sliding Incident. Try as I might, I couldn't get the cheeseball smile off my face as I went through them. I quickly composed it, though, when I noticed that all the girls were smirking at me. I quickly shoved the phone back into Nikki's hand.

"It's pretty obvious that you do, hon," Ashley said.

"Look, even _if_ I liked him, it wouldn't matter," I shrugged.

"Alright," Kristen snorted, "let's hear your bullshit reasons."

Before I began, I couldn't help but slightly glare at her.

"First," I exhaled loudly, "_if_ I did like him, he probably already has a girlfriend. Second, it wouldn't matter. Third, even if he doesn't have a girlfriend, it wouldn't matter. Fourth, though he says he doesn't like Suzy now, he'll end up liking her later. Fifth, it wouldn't matter. Sixth, he's sex on legs so just the thought of me telling him anything like that would not only be stupid, it'd be insane. Did I mention that it wouldn't matter?"

"No, but tell me again," Kristen said, rolling her eyes. "What do you mean it wouldn't matter?"

"Just that it wouldn't. Jackson's Jackson. I'm just me. There's no way someone like him would even be remotely interested in me, so why should I say anything to him? It would only cause him to be repulsed and me to forever be humiliated. I don't know about you but having a guy throw up on you after you've professed that you like him isn't my idea of a good time. Well, you know, _if_ I liked him or anything."

Luckily for me, there was a knock at the door and I was all too eager to answer it. Unfortunately - or fortunately - it was Jackson. Trailing behind him was the rest of the Monkeys, Rob, and Kellan. After the conversation I just had, having to proclaim that I was not, in fact, in like with The Bone, I couldn't even look at him. I asked someone, anyone, to contact anybody else that was around to see if they wanted to join in while I fixed everybody a plate. We were later joined by Peter, Liz, Taylor, Alex, and Bronson.

"Thanks for dinner," Jackson said as he stood next to me.

"Hmmm," was all I could reply, a smile on my face, though I didn't look at him. "Coronas are on the living room table, if you want."

"Beer!"

I turned around and watched as Graupner scaled over Ashley and Kristen to grab a bottle.

"But I think we should call it quits for him," I laughed, pointing at the scene in front of me.

I fixed my plate and took a seat close to Rob and Kristen, opposite Jackson. I didn't want a reason to sit next to him, especially with the girls in the room after what we had talked about. While everyone talked, I paid the upmost attention to my plate as if the answers to the universe were written on it. There were several knocks on the door throughout the next hour, and I was more than happy to get out of the inner circle to answer them. I fixed more plates and smiled when appropriate. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping my facial expressions and nerves under control. Kristen, however, would not let the opportunity pass.

"So, Iris, what do you look for in a guy?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

The entire room turned to look at me, and I suddenly understood what it felt like to be one of those bloaty fish in a tank at an aquarium.

"I like redheads, chubby ones, with lisps and no sense of direction," I glared at her as the room erupted into laughter.

"Really? I would've figured you more for the brown hair, lanky type."

"Well, according to the every gossip magazine, that's _your_ type, isn't it?" I shot back.

_Fuck! I definitely crossed a line with that one._

I looked over at Rob who had a look of shock on his face. His expression mirrored everyone else's.

"I guess. But then that just means I'm also in a lesbian relationship with Nikki and a closet alcoholic."

"The lesbian thing is right, though," Nikki chimed in out of nowhere, shooting me an understanding look.

Thank God we all went back to laughing. As everyone finished eating, I started gathering the dirty plates and made my way over to the sink and began washing them.

"I'm sorry about that," Kristen whispered to me, handing me a fork.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's bad enough you get shit from everybody and their baby sister. I had no right to make a comment like that. It was uncalled for."

"It was just a misguided attempt at trying to get you to say something to him. If you're not ready to tell him, then it's not my place to push you."

"I won't ever be ready to tell him," I whispered back. "There's no point."

We stood there, me washing while she handed me individual pieces of silverware. She nudged my shoulder, and I nudged her back.

"We cool?" I asked.

"We were never not cool."

After she and I finished washing and drying the dishes, we headed back to have another drink. Still too early to leave and pick up Suzy at the airport, Ashley suggested watching a movie. The girls settled on _13 Going On 30_ causing the boys, except for Rob and Jackson, to grumble and make up excuses as to why they had to leave. As per usual me, I cried during the movie.

"Are you really crying?" Kristen asked through her laughter.

"Looks like I'm not the only one," I laughed, realizing that Rob was wiping his eyes.

"I've had a very trying day!" he defended.

I threw my head back and cackled, laughing along with everyone else. As I settled down and went back to watching the movie, I saw Jackson leave his seat on the other couch, coming right for me. He sat down next to me and leaned in.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," he whispered so as not to disturb everyone else.

"Thanks," I replied, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

When the movie ended, Rob and Kristen decided it was time for a cigarette. After the day I had, emotional and embarrassed, I joined them.

Once we were in Rob's room and had lit up, Rob turned to me with a serious look on his face.

"How long's it gonna be before you and Jackson get together?"

I coughed out a huge cloud of smoke and continued to hack. Was there anyone on the planet who wasn't going to ask me that question?!

"Sweet eight pound baby Jesus, Rob!" I exclaimed. "I don't like Jackson. We're not going to get together. We're friends. That's it. Nothing more."

"She thinks that she's not good enough for Jackson, so she won't say anything," Kristen explained.

"Rubbish," Rob replied.

"Bangers and mash! Whilst! Bollocks! See? I can do that, too," I laughed. "Can you guys do me a favor?" I asked after I finished my cig and was making my way to the door. "Can you not tell Kellan about this Jackson thing? I know he would never do anything malicious, but the boy is in prank war mode and I don't need anything to accidentally slip from his mouth."

"Sure," Rob laughed.

"Alright. So I'll see you guys tomorrow for the barbecue. Make sure you put your drinking hat on."

"I never take mine off!" Rob yelled as I walked out the door.

I walked back to Ashley's room, cackling as usual. I spoke with the girls, Jackson was nowhere to be found, and reminded them about the barbecue. I told them everything should be good to go around 2pm and that we could do a movie in the theater after the masses leave, if they wanted. Ashley typed something into her phone, my assumption being a reminder of the time for the gathering. The girls gave me another little pep talk about telling Jackson that I was crushing on him before I left, and all I could do was nod and roll my eyes. Not wanting to be entirely rude, and maybe because I was a masochist and wanted to see the pretty, I walked over to Jackson's room to say goodbye and give him the details of the barbecue but he wasn't there. I found the rest of the Monkeys, though, and made sure they knew when and where to show up. Uncle Larry offered to carry the care package Monkey had sent down to the car for me, but I felt bad, having interrupted their practice once already, and politely declined. I rode the elevator down and adjusted the box in my arms so that I could shoot Suzy a message that I was on my way and that I would be waiting for her the moment she got off the plane. I had just finished typing and sending it when I had stepped out the back door and found Jackson leaning against my car.

"Are you angry with me for some reason?" he asked, staring at the ground.

"Um, not that I can think of," I laughed. "Why?"

"You've been kind of distant with me today."

"Have I?" I asked innocently. "Sorry. Just have a lot on my mind, I guess."

I walked to the trunk of the car and put my Monkey box in before walking over to the driver's side door. Jackson was still leaning against it, lightly tapping his hand on the hood.

"If you're worried that I'll say something about what we discussed this afternoon, you don't have to. I wouldn't do that," he insisted, turning to look at me.

"I know you wouldn't," I immediately replied, feeling guilty that he believed that to be the reason why I was acting the way I was. "Life, you know. It gets in the way sometimes."

He smirked at my comment and pushed himself off the car. He began walking toward me, and I feared for my ovaries that he was gonna go for the head kiss again. Hell, even a hug at that point would send me into a frenzy. There was no way I could handle either of those after the talk I had with the girls. I was afraid for his manly parts. Or the media coverage of him having to bitch slap a rabid fan because she tried ripping his clothes off. Before he was close enough to do so, I opened the door, blocking him from going any further.

"So, tomorrow… Um, 2pm sound good to you? I already told the rest of the Monkeys and the girls. I didn't know if you had told the rest of the cast and film crew yet."

"2pm's good. You need us to bring anything?"

"Just your party hats. And maybe a leash for Graupner, because there's gonna be a lot of beer," I giggled. "Other than that, nothing. Suzy and I got it covered."

I got into the car, closed the door, and put on my seatbelt. After I turned the car on, I rolled down the window in case he needed to say something else.

"Tell Suzy I said hi and that I'm glad she's back," he said, leaning into the window.

"For someone who claims he doesn't like her in that way, you sure are happy about her coming back," I forcibly laughed, feeling like an idiot for getting jealous.

"I could tell how much you missed her. It'd be nice to see you smile like that again. I've missed it," he mumbled.

"She was only gone for a few days. And I smiled, damn it!" I pouted, causing Jackson to laugh.

He moved away from the car and waved before heading back in. I sat there for a few minutes, thinking about how he said he missed my smile, before I finally left.

_He said he missed my smile. Does that mean just what it means, or does it mean something else? Does it mean more? What does that mean?! Ugh._

I drove in silence to the airport, parked in the garage, and made my way to where I told Suzy we would meet. As I waited, I threw my headphones in so I could listen to my iPod. The first song that came up was "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. I thought back to the afternoon and my baring of my soul to Jackson. The physical pulling away was easier than I expected. It was the emotional part that was slowly starting to eat away at my three-sizes-too-big heart. I was starting to wonder if headaches were a staple with unrequited boy crush.

Not too much later, a mass of people began making their way down the escalator. I noticed Suzy right away, her hair a slight mess and her eyes drooping. She walked straight to me, and feeling super emotional after the day I had, I immediately gave her a tight hug.

"Iris, it's 5am, New York time. I smell, I'm cranky, and I'm exhausted. Can you not get all touchy-feely right now?"

I laughed and grabbed her rolling suitcase. We made our way out to the car where she immediately climbed into the front seat and lowered it so she was lying down. As I was pulling out of the vicinity of the airport, I started to ramble questions, asking how her flight was, how New York City was doing without me. Midway through, she interrupted me.

"Iris?" she mumbled.

"Yeah?" I beamed.

"Shut up and drive."

I looked over at her, stifling my giggle at her comment, and watched as her eyes popped open. Immediately realizing what she had said, a small smile twitched from her lips, and she sighed.

"Go ahead. Say it. I know you're dying to," she said.

"Whatever you say, _Rihanna_."

We both laughed as I drove to the house, and I had never been more thankful to have my best friend back.

* * *

_**Madre de Dios – Mother of God**_

_**Pendeja – Stupid bitch**_

_**Bueno – Good**_

_**Mija – My daughter**_

_**Que estas haciendo? – What are you doing?**_

_**Y Tu? – And you?**_

_**Abuelita – Grandmother**_

_**Mensa – Stupid girl**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's stare: intense and raw.**


	11. Heartbreaker

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / QUcSnL  
**

* * *

One of the great things about Suzy is that she's responsible. One of the worst things about Suzy is that she's responsible. I honestly thought she would've slept in since she was beyond exhausted from the difference in time zones and the flight itself. But of course, her Royal Highness felt it was a genius idea to wake me up at 7:30am.

"Suzy, if you hit me with a pillow _one_ more time, I'll be forced to use my ultimate weapon against you," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Nothing you have can do me any damage. Now get your ass outta bed!"

"Suz, I'm warning you…"

"Out. Of. Bed."

She grabbed the pillow underneath my head, causing it to flop onto the mattress, and proceeded to beat me with it. When I couldn't take it anymore, I jumped up and made to lunge at her. She moved out of the way, as I knew she would. I threw my glasses on and ran downstairs, grabbing my iPod from my nightstand before leaving the room. I plugged it into the sound system in the living room, making sure that the settings had all the speakers in the house on, and blasted "Jesus Take The Wheel" at a ridiculous volume. It was a low blow, but I knew how much she detested Carrie Underwood and that particular song, and she needed to know that I meant business. She immediately came flying down the stairs, covering her ears with her hands.

"Alright, I give. I give!"

"Are you gonna behave?" I asked, pausing the song.

"Kettle? Pot. Nice to meet you," she joked. "We're hosting a barbecue for a large amount of people in six hours. We still have to grocery shop, and I'm sure you'll wanna go Mexican for an hour or two and clean an already clean house. We have to set up tables and chairs outside. _Plus_, there's the issue of preparing the food. We have a lot to do, so don't get all uppity because I'm making sure that things are on track."

"I know we have a lot to do, _pinche_. I'm just not wigging out as much. It's not like we have to have everything grilled by the time they get here. Someone from the crew's gonna be taking care of that. I just need to make sure that the pies are cold enough to serve, the beer's chilled, and that the house is baby-proof since Graupner's gonna be here," I laughed. "We're good, okay?"

She rolled her eyes at me and then pointed up the stairs, giving me the indication that I needed to get ready despite our non-urgency. By 9am, we were at the grocery store, stocking up on so much dead animal that even the butcher was giving us funny looks. Not thirty minutes later, Suzy had to grab another shopping cart to fit everything we were purchasing. It took us two hours to finally get everything we needed and in the car. As soon as we got back, I sent out a mass text message letting everyone know that 2pm was still the party hour and to not bother with the doorbell or knocking. I began making the pies and moved onto the enchiladas, my staple. While I was pouring dips into bowls, making salads, opening an obscene amount of potato chip bags, and preparing anything and everything that could possibly be eaten at a barbecue, Suzy dragged the tables and chairs from the storage room to place outside. We grabbed the six coolers, filled them with ice, and threw as much beer into them as we could, placing the excess bottles in the fridge.

It was only 1pm by the time we had everything set up. Suzy helped me clean the downstairs area a little before everyone showed up.

"What are you going to do about Jackson?"

_Don't feel like you have to hold anything back, Suz._

"You're like a fucking shark. You know that? You smell blood and then you attack," I chuckled. "And there's nothing to do about Jackson. I'm going to continue to avoid him as much as possible without coming off as a bitch. I got myself into this situation, and I can get myself out," I shrugged.

"You forget that I know you. You don't do any of that very well. You're already turned inside out for the guy. I can tell! And from what you tell me, he probably likes you, too."

"_Mi nina_, increase the medication," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving her my most serious face. "Look, you and I both know that a gorgeous girl I am not. He's this frickin movie star, and I'm an unemployed nothing. If he did like me, something that would cause the Earth to implode, he deserves better than anything I could offer him. So, there's really no reason for me to continue being invested in how I feel about him. He doesn't like me, he never will, and I just have to file him away as one of the untouchables."

We had both stopped cleaning at this point. I was holding on to my Swiffer for dear life, kicking at the floor. She was leaning against the island in the kitchen, giving me a look that would make Gandhi go _Natural Born Killers_.

"Stop with the look. Can we just stop talking about this? Between you and Juanita, I feel like this is all I ever talk about. I'm sick of having to explain myself. Besides, people are going to be arriving soon, and I don't wanna be in a bad mood when they do," I demanded as I walked away to put away my beloved Swiffer.

"Hey!" she yelled after me, causing me to whip around and face her.

"If he makes you feel like that, he doesn't deserve you, anyway."

There was shock. Then there was the hilarity. Then there was me giving Suzy the finger. When she threw it back, I knew our Kodak moment was over.

"I'm gonna run upstairs real quick to change," Suzy said, walking toward the staircase. "What are you wearing?"

"Um, this?" I replied as I looked down at what I thought was an okay outfit for the barbecue. "I'm not gonna get dolled up if we're going to be outside, sweating and shooting the shit. Besides, I have to be ready to do battle just in case Kellan decides to attack without warning."

Suzy shook her head at me as she walked up the stairs. She came back down in a different fitted shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. She made some comment about how I looked like a walking photograph, always in blue jeans, a random shirt, and flip-flops. I shrugged my shoulders, completely used to people making comments on my lack of fashion, and walked over to the beer. Since we had left the coolers in the kitchen so the sun wouldn't immediately melt the ice while we waited for everyone to arrive, we decided it was time to move them outside. We chose to place them close to the door, with the tables and grill to the left so that they wouldn't block the pool area, in case people wanted to swim. The chairs were set up along the outside of the yard, leaving some room in front of the pool room. I had created a playlist for the barbecue the night before that consisted of rock and dance music. As we were moving the final cooler outside, "I'm On A Boat" came on. I squealed and Suzy simply rolled her eyes at me. Halfway through the song, we were both rapping along, sounding unbelievably obnoxious. By the end of the song, she and I were throwing fake gang signs and crossing our arms like they do in the rap videos, forgetting that we still had other things to bring outside. We were laughing so loud, we didn't notice that we had an audience.

"Straight up gangsta bitches, huh?"

We looked up and found half the cast standing at the door that led to the backyard, laughing at our antics.

"Word, son. You know how we flow," I replied, popping my collar to prove my point.

I introduced Suzy to Kellan and Taylor, smirking at Kellan when he let his eyes roam over her body. I craned my neck around them, looking for Jackson.

"He's not here, yet," Ashley replied, noticing my fallen face. "The guys decided to have another practice session this morning since Kellan's hair distracted them last night."

"Oh. Well, good for them," I half-smiled. "What are you guys doing here already? It's only 1:30."

"J said you didn't need us to bring anything, but we thought you might need some help setting up," Nikki chimed in, coming over to hug me.

Rob, Taylor, and Kellan brought out the dead animal to sit next to the grill while the rest of us lugged the condiments and other random food out to the tables. Just as we finished, people started walking into the house. Kristen and Ashley introduced Suzy and I to the crew that decided to join us. Adam, the crew dude that would be manning the grill, and I walked out to the back so I could show him his station for the day. He immediately had the grill going and began throwing burgers and hot dogs on. Little by little, other crew members and cast showed up. Those I had already met were given the customary intro to Suzy. It didn't escape me that more than half of the guys were eyeing her like she was an unlimited supply of Aquafina in the middle of a desert. It was something I was used to and had grown to find most of it funny.

We all eventually ended up outside, drinking and eating what food was already prepared. We sat around, chatting and eating, getting lost in random conversation. When we started going into the details of the prank war, Rob and Nikki shot up and ran over to Suzy to show her the videos they had. Since I had already lived and relived them, I headed into the house to check on the pies, noting that it was almost 4pm and Jackson hadn't arrived yet. As I was reaching into the fridge to check the consistency, I felt something poke me in my back.

"Hand over that pie and nobody gets hurt."

I removed the pie and slowly turned around, finding a serious Graupner with his thumb and index fingers pointed at me in a makeshift gun.

"That's not really the way to get on my good side, you know," I laughed.

I looked past him and said hi to the rest of the Monkeys standing behind him. Jackson was smirking at me, his hand raised in a wave.

"Listen," I began as I directed my attention back to Graupner, "when you become my favorite Monkey, then you can have free reign over the pie."

"You have a favorite?" Benny asked, exchanging a glance with Jerad.

"Oh, yeah. I thought everybody already knew. There's only ever been one Monkey for me," I replied, trying not to look at Jackson though failing miserably.

I moved past Graupner, heading towards Jackson's general direction, slowed, and continued past him to hook my arm with Uncle Larry's.

"Let's go, handsome," I smiled, pulling him towards the backyard as I handed him the pie.

I heard the boys behind me erupt into laughter and Uncle Larry patted my arm, walking with me.

"Uncle Larry _always_ gets the girl," I heard Jackson fake whine.

We walked outside, earning some cheers from the crowd when they eyed the boys. I thanked Uncle Larry for being my handsome man and set the pie on the table for him. I Vanna White-ed the food on the table and pointed in the general direction of the beer to the Monkeys before I ran back inside. I grabbed two more pies, leaving six still in the fridge. We were also running out of hamburger buns so I went to snatch another bag, trying to carry the pies, as well. I had a quick vision of walking outside covered in peach-flavored Cool Whip, random bits of peaches in my hair, because I had tried to juggle everything and failed miserably.

"Looks like you need some help," I heard Jackson say to my back.

"Thanks," I said, trying not to eye him as he came over.

I handed him the bag of buns, keeping my eyes on everything but him. As we got close to the door, he stopped, pivoted so he was standing directly in front of me, and put a hand on my arm.

"Thanks for doing this for us. And not just the barbecue, though it's nice to be out of the hotel without worrying about being photographed. I mean the dinners and the movies and the whole... It's nice to have a friend that isn't completely phased by what we do or who we are."

"Jackson, we've already talked about this," I began, blowing air at the section of hair that had fallen in my face and refused to leave. "_Mi casa, su casa_ and all that. And stop thanking me, by the way. It's just food," I laughed.

I was still battling the stray hair, not being able to simply remove it since both my hands were holding the pies. I was about to give up entirely, now a little light-headed, when Jackson removed his hand from my arm and brought it up, tucking the stray hair behind my ear, his eyes never leaving mine.

_Don't faint. Keep breathing. Break the bubble!_

I cleared my throat, instantly looking down at the ground, which only caused my hair to fall in my face again, before I took a step back and whipped my hair over my shoulder. I began walking back to the door when it flew open.

"We're out of hamburger buns," Suzy said.

"Jackson's got them!" I nervously laughed. "See? Right there. Buns. Jackson's got them."

Jackson started to chuckle while Suzy just looked back and forth between us.

"I mean, h-he's got the hamburger buns in his hand. Yeah…" I trailed off, finally moving past Jackson and walking outside, reminding myself that just because English was my second language, it didn't excuse what had just happened.

I walked over to the table and set the pies down, noticing that Graupner and Kellan were heading right for them. Suzy walked up with the hamburger buns and grabbed me by the arm. As we walked away, I told her what had just happened when she walked in. She broke out into a huge smile, which only resulted in me rolling my eyes and snorting.

"You're reading too much into it. I was having hair issues. He was just there to help out," I explained.

"You should get your vision checked, because you blind, girl," she smirked.

We walked over to where Ashley, Nikki, Rob, Kristen, and Taylor were sitting, joining in on the conversation. By this point, there were over a hundred people in the backyard. I looked around, happy to be able to provide a normal atmosphere for a group of people who probably hadn't had one in the longest time, and let myself smile. It was then I realized that Kellan was nowhere to be found and I began to slightly panic, wondering if he was up to something. Just then, Kellan walked over - speak of the devil - and said that there was someone at the door for me. I looked at him, giving him a suspicious eye, before I got up and walked back into the house. I fully expected to have a bucket of water fall on me as I opened the door, but nothing happened. I made my way to the front door and found a delivery guy there. He asked me my name and had me sign on a clipboard. He picked up a vase full of flowers and handed it to me, wishing me a great day. I walked back inside and set them on the dining room table.

"If this is your idea of a prank, it's lame," I heard Jackson say.

He, along with Ashley, Kellan, and Suzy, were walking toward me.

"Ooooh. Who are they from?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know. Who the hell would send me flowers?"

Suzy looked them over and found a card nestled in the middle.

"'Good luck tomorrow. I know you'll kick ass! Don't be nervous. We know you can do it. P.S. Tell Rob I said hi and that I think he's hot,'" Suzy read. "They're from Juanita and her mom."

"That was really sweet of them," I whispered, smelling the flowers.

The flower display was _huge_. Whether she thought it was appropriate or funny, she sent Irises in a clear vase with a matching purple ribbon.

"They sent you flowers as encouragement to kiss Caleb?" Jackson asked.

Suzy shot me a look, now realizing that I hadn't told them the exact reason why we were going to be at the concert. I pleaded with my eyes, begging her to go with my story.

"Yep. Juanita knows Iris is _chicken shit_, so I guess she thought these would help her out," Suzy replied, totally not letting me miss the double meaning behind her statement.

"Irises are gorgeous," Kellan said, taking a whiff and making me laugh at how girly he had just gotten.

"Yes, they are," Ashley said, giving me some look I'm sure I was supposed to interpret before glancing over at Jackson.

"They're flowers. All flowers are beautiful," I laughed. "Too bad we all can't live up to our name," I shrugged.

Suzy smacked my arm pretty hard, making the sound almost echo in the house.

"_Ay, cabrona. Eso si dolio!_" I huffed and rubbed at the area that was now a little red.

We all walked back outside, heading straight for our old seats. Before I could sit back down, "Que Te Pica" by Notch came on. Suzy looked up at me and immediately shook her head.

"Don't give me that," I laughed. "We're dancing. Come on!"

I practically had to drag her out to an area that wasn't full of people so we could dance. Alex and Bronson came over and joined us. As the song went on, more people joined in on the dancing. Bronson was totally into the song, trying to twirl Suzy around. Alex and I couldn't help but laugh at just how enthusiastic he was being with her, the two of us spinning and enjoying the Latin flavor of the song.

"He's got a thing for her, huh?"

"He hasn't stopped drooling since you introduced them," he laughed. "You're gonna have to do some damage control, because it doesn't look like she's interested."

Kiowa, bless his little heart, must've noticed the look on Suzy's face because he ran over and told Bronson that he needed him for something, glancing over his shoulder at her as he walked away. Displaying the biggest face of complete and utter relief, Suzy came over to dance with Alex and I, laughing that she wanted to buy Kiowa something for helping her out. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Kiowa had also been ogling her earlier in the day and was probably just removing some of the competition.

The song ended and we were heading back to our seats when "The Anthem" by Pitbull came on. I jumped up and down and dragged Alex back to our little dance floor. We were still surrounded by a group of people, and I completely got lost in the song. I shimmied and sashayed my hips to the beat, thankful that dancing was one of the few things I could at least do well. The Shakira hip moves were brought out, and Alex earned a round of laughter and applause as he tried to mimic me. Halfway through the song, I looked up and noticed Taylor next to one of the tables, practically dancing where he stood, as he talked to Kristen and Rob.

"You're being replaced," I told Alex, patting his chest, and I ran over to Taylor.

They all said hi as I approached them, noticing that I was panting and somewhat sweaty. I grabbed the drink out of Taylor's hand and set it on the table, demanding that he dance with me.

"Uh, I don't know –"

"You _can_ dance," I interrupted. "We all know you can. We've seen the YouTube videos. Let's go!"

"Behave yourself! He's only seventeen!" Kristen yelled to me when we were halfway to the dance floor, causing us both to laugh.

It took him a bit, but he finally got into it. We were dancing like clubbers, hands in the air and hips swaying and innocently grinding. Like a stealthy ninja, Ashley came out of nowhere and joined us, creating a Taylor sandwich. We danced that way until the song ended. The three of us were heading to the coolers to grab something to cool down with when Ashley stopped and read something on her phone.

"Peter's at the front door."

"I'll go let him in," I said, starting to walk off.

"No, I'll do it. Grab me a bottle of water, would you?" she asked as she ran off into the house.

Just as Taylor and I were nearing the coolers, Kellan stopped us in our tracks.

"Thought you might need this," he said, handing me a bottle with his left hand.

"Thanks," I smiled before taking a long drink.

The next thing I knew, Kellan had the fingers from his left hand hooked into the collar of my shirt as his right hand dumped a bunch of ice down the front of it. I screamed, dropping the open bottle of water in the process, and fanned my shirt to get it all out. Kellan and Taylor, along with most of the crowd, were in hysterics. When I was convinced I was ice-free, I started running after him.

"You are _so_ dead!" I screamed.

I chased him at least once around the perimeter of the backyard, cheering and whooping coming from the party-goers.

"Why are you mad?" he huffed. "You needed to cool off! I was only trying to help!" he laughed.

I didn't really have any sort of plan in the event that I did catch up with him. I thought about just jumping on his back and pulling on his ears until he begged for mercy. Other than that, I was blank. First though, I had to catch up with the beast. Just as I was about to jump over a lawn chair, two arms wrapped around my waist, anchoring me to the ground.

"You'll never catch him like this," Jackson breathed into my ear.

I stood there as I tried to catch my breath, making a mental note to find Kellan later, and I both loved and hated that Jackson still hadn't released me. Without realizing it, my hands had moved to cover his. I was about to start having a panic attack as I could feel his chest in my back and about to pass the fuck out when I felt his grip tighten. I turned my head to look back at him, catching him with his trademark smile. Just then, we heard someone clear their throat. Both of our heads whipped up to the door that leads into the house, noticing that Ashley was staring at us and Peter and his family were next to her. I snapped out of my Jackson coma, slapping at his hands so he'd let me go. Suzy walked up out of nowhere and grabbed me by the arm, walking us to where they stood. I disregarded the smirk Ashley was throwing me as I introduced Suzy to Peter. Peter, in turn, introduced us to Jennie and his three daughters.

"There's never a dull moment with you, is there?" he laughed.

"Kellan started it," was my great reply, causing them all to laugh.

"From what Ashley's told me, it's not like he's," Jennie said as she jerked a thumb in Peter's direction, "any better."

Peter put on his most shocked face, not fooling any one of us. Suzy and I hunched down so we could talk to his daughters, asking if they were hungry or wanted something to drink. When they nodded, we walked them over to where the food was, Lola grabbing my hand and Fiona grabbing Suzy's. Jennie immediately asked Suzy and I if we had kids, probably wondering why hers were taking so easily to us.

"Nope. Kids come easy to Suzy, because she's a teacher. They just happen to like me, because they recognize that we have the same maturity level," I giggled, Suzy nodding her head seriously.

As Luca was fixing her plate, she suddenly looked up at me.

"Is Jackson your boyfriend?" she asked, causing Peter to snicker and leaving Jennie with a confused look.

"Um, no. He's just a friend, sweetie," I replied.

"Really? None of my guy friends hold me like that," she shrugged.

"See, even a kid can see what you can't," Suzy whispered to me.

"You better not have any guys holding you at all," Peter suddenly said, pointing an uncooked hot dog at her. "Not until you're at least thirty-five."

I nudged Suzy, trying to get her back for her little comment, as we walked away to find a place in the grass to sit, laughing at Peter's attempt to keep his daughters away from any boys until they were practically in a nursing home. Suzy and I sat with the girls while their parents walked around saying hi to everyone who was there. When they were done eating, they asked us if they could see the pool. Hand in hand, we walked them inside the pool room, showing them how the roof retracted as they stared in wonder. We told them that if their parents were okay with it, they would be more than welcome to come back and use it when they were in town again, earning Suzy and I big smiles and some squeals.

We walked back out, and I instantly noticed that Ashley and Jackson were in the middle of what looked like a pretty serious conversation. Suddenly, they both looked up at me, stared, and went back to their discussion. I whispered to Suzy that I needed a moment to myself, now paranoid outta my mind that Ashley might've accidentally told him how I felt, knowing she would never do it on purpose. I ran inside and made my way downstairs. I thought about sitting in the theater for a bit, but then I saw the door to the rec room. I walked in, turned on the light, and spotted the pinball machine against the far wall. I plugged it in and waited for it to start up. Once it did, I started the first of many games, only paying enough attention to keep me from losing while I worried, silently thanking my Mom for passing her kickass pinball-playing genes on to me. I must've been down there for a while, not really caring about going MIA, when I heard the footsteps behind me.

"Suz, just gimme a few minutes and I'll join the land of the living again," I scowled.

I watched as two hands came into view, placing themselves on my own over the machine's buttons.

"Sorry, but Suzy's occupied. Kellan and Bronson both cornered her," Jackson laughed over my shoulder.

I didn't reply. I stood there trying to play and not pay attention to the fact that he hadn't removed his hands. His hands began to mimic mine as if he was also playing. Then I felt him moving closer to me, letting me feel his entire body length flush against mine, _again_. I kept playing, and the more I did, the more pissed off I got. Here I was trying to not like him, pulling myself away from him in a physical sense, and he had to get all up in my space. His weird definition of how friends acted toward one another, the close proximity thing, was making me see red. That red was turning to hurt, because I just didn't wanna fall any harder for him than I already was. His sweet, beautiful, oh-so-hot mind just didn't let him see that he couldn't be so friendly with the common folk. When I suddenly felt his chuckle rumble through my own body, his body being so close to mine, I couldn't take it anymore.

"I should really find Suzy. Take over for me," I rushed out, ducking under his left arm and booking it out the door.

I ran up the stairs and found Kristen and Ashley in the kitchen. They took one look at me, looked at one another, and then looked back at me with raised eyebrows. Before I could start crying out of sheer frustration, I shook my head and shuffled my way out the back door. I found Suzy talking to Kellan, genuinely looking like she was having a good time. She looked happy, finally having a moment where she wasn't being hit on or drooled over by the male population in attendance. I grabbed a beer from the cooler, ran around the outside of the house, definitely not wanting to take my chances by cutting through the inside, and sat on the front porch. I popped the top and chugged. In a grand "I could be Southern trash if I wanted to" move, I wiped the excess beer from my mouth with the back of my arm. I debated lying down on the whicker couch, complete with a fancy cushion, but decided that my best bet was to just sit on the porch steps. When I was almost done with my beer, I heard the front door open.

"Here you are."

"Hey, hon. What are you doing out here?" I asked, not looking up at Nikki and staring at the bottle that was dangling from my fingers.

"Looking for you. Ashley and Kristen said you looked out of sorts earlier. They couldn't find you outside so they went looking for Jackson," she lightly laughed. "They found him in the rec room almost beating the shit out the pinball machine."

"The machine had it coming. The magnets are evil bitches and kept stealing my games."

"I see," she sighed. "Did something happen?"

"No, not really," I shrugged. "I just don't wanna like him anymore, Nik. I'm trying my hardest, but he's making it difficult. He's been all hands on deck the past couple of days. That, along with the conversation the four of us had yesterday, just made me realize how I'm _so_ not in his stratosphere and that I'm stupid for even having feelings for him."

I gulped down the rest of the beer and set the bottle down next to me. I finally angled my head, so I could look her in the eye.

"It's just frustrating me at this point. I don't know how much longer I can keep my ovaries in check. Next thing you know, I'm gonna tackle him," I laughed. "He just needs to not be so friendly with me. I know you guys are used to it, but I'm definitely not. I'm letting his acceptance of our friendship run rampant with my emotions," I sighed. "Things would be so much easier if he wasn't so damn adorable," I smirked.

She and I sat there in a deep Lifetime movie moment for a while, neither speaking for a few minutes.

"This isn't the beer talking, right?"

_And Lifetime movie moment is over._

"No," I chuckled. "It's only my second and I had the first two hours ago, I think."

"Okay, good. Well, I hate to say it, but Kristen was right. You are unbelievably stupid."

"Good God! I swear, you guys, Suzy, and Juanita are all in on this conspiracy about calling me as many names as possible this week."

"Hear me out before you bust a cap in my ass or whatever it is you do when you get angry," she began. "Is it so inconceivable that he may feel something for you, too?"

"Am I in a sitcom? Because everybody keeps repeating the same lines to me. You guys should hire whoever writes for LOST. At least their shit's original," I replied.

"I told you to hear me out first, so stop bitching."

She moved her body so she was now facing me, letting a disapproving look come across her face. I held up both my hands and nodded, indicating she should continue.

"OK. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! So, you think it's pretty impossible for him to like you."

"Pretty much."

"I don't know what you've had to deal with or have gone through to make you so hard-headed about this. Whatever it was must've been pretty big. But it's now getting in the way of letting you see something that's right in front of you."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I laughed.

"That's _exactly_ what I'm talking about. I wish I could tell you what I know, but it's not my place to do so. I just wish you would be more aware of what's going on around you."

"I take it back. You obviously have the writers of LOST personally working for you, because you didn't make a damn bit of sense just now," I smiled.

Before we could continue the conversation, the front door opened again. Kristen, Ashley, and Suzy walked out, concerned expressions plastered on their faces like giant neon signs.

"We've been looking everywhere for you," Ashley said as she took a seat next to me.

"You okay?" Kristen asked.

"I'm fine. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Do we need to powwow?" Suzy whispered.

"Nah. Crisis averted. I think I should just stop being Debbie Downer and go enjoy the party. God knows where Kellan is or what he's been up to. Maybe I should've reminded him that this isn't my house," I laughed, dusting my ass off after I stood up.

"Kellan's been too busy eating pie to do any damage," Ashley explained.

"So, what are you going to do?" asked Nikki.

"What I've been doing. I'm just going to continue avoiding him as much as I can."

"So you _are_ avoiding him."

"How did you know?" I asked, throwing Ashley a confused look.

"He asked me if I thought you were upset with him yesterday. He said you wouldn't really come near him. And when you didn't let him in on the prank on Kellan's hair, he knew something was up. I thought that it maybe had to do with whatever happened that kept you out for most of the afternoon yesterday. Now I know the real reason. That's why he left in the middle of practice. He wanted to wait for you by your car so he could find out."

"Yeah, well… I just need to get over him," I said, dragging my hands through my hair. "If I don't spend as much time with him as I have been, I'm hoping that this crush'll just go away. I mean, I've only personally known him for a week. I can get over this just as quickly, I hope," I threw over my shoulder as I walked up the steps.

We walked back into the house just as a large group of people, almost all crew members, were coming in from the backyard. They all thanked Suzy and I for having them over as they left for the night. We found the cast and a few lingering crew members still in the back, visible only because of the flood lights and lampposts, the sun having set a few minutes earlier. We grouped our chairs together and talked for a while, drinking beer and laughing at each other's stories. Eventually, Peter declared the girls tired and decided it was time for them to head back to the hotel. Suzy and I walked them all out, mainly because the girls grabbed us by our hands and brought us along.

"If you guys ever need a babysitter, I'm totally down," I smiled at Jennie, hugging the ever-loving life out of Lola as she giggled.

"Be careful. We might take you up on that," she said as Fiona let go of Suzy and we both high-fived Luca.

"Thanks for everything, especially the whole Kellan fiasco. I can't wait to see what you think up next for him."

"Don't think you're not in for it, too, Mike Dexter," I glared, pointing my finger at him.

Jennie laughed and mumbled something about the good 'ol days of red t-shirts. We waved as they got into their car and waited until they left the driveway. The other crew members said goodbye, as well, giving a general thanks as Rob, Nikki, and Taylor were bringing in some of the food from outside. Suzy and I headed out back, bringing in the rest of the food as everyone else who decided to stay – Ashley, Alex, Kellan, the Monkeys minus Uncle Larry and Jerad, Kristen, and Liz – helped out. When we finally had everything inside, the boys decided to put their man skills to the not-so-ultimate test as they put the folding tables and chairs away in the storage room.

"Did Iris tell you that we wanted you two to sit with us in the VIP area for the Kings Of Leon concert tomorrow night?" Kristen asked.

"She mentioned it," Suzy smiled. "Thanks"

"I'm gonna need to pre-game before the concert," I said as I began filling containers with leftovers. "If you guys don't have plans, wanna come over and pre-game here? We can head over to the concert together."

"You're turning into my own personal liquor store," Rob said as he ruffled my hair, announcing the boys' presence in the kitchen. "What time you want us here?"

"Concert starts at what? 9pm? Let's shoot for five, then. It'll give us time to get good and sloshed and stumble our way to the concert with enough time to listen to the opening act."

As we talked more about the concert, I came to find out that Rob, Kristen, Jackson, Nikki, Taylor, Xavier, Kellan, Bryce, and Ashley were the only ones who were able to go. Everyone else had other plans or didn't really feel up to going in the first place.

"Is there anything in particular I should get at the liquor store?" I asked Rob, who was already starting to sway a little.

"I'll just message you tomorrow. What I feel like drinking changes from day to day," he smirked, as I put a note on the fridge reminding me to make the trip.

Liz and the rest of the Monkeys, excluding Jackson, decided to call it a night and head out as we settled on watching a movie in the theater. Liz made me promise to not let Kellan get too out of control with the prank war, having been filled in on our antics via cell phone videos. I laughed and told her that she probably had to worry more about me than anything.

"I'm gonna step outside real quick. I'll meet you guys in a bit. Pick out a movie in the meantime!" I yelled as I walked out to the backyard and everyone made their way downstairs.

I took a seat on the back steps and lit up, thinking about the craziness that was the barbecue. I definitely had to come up with something to get back at Kellan for the ice incident. I giggled to myself and wondered if anybody happened to get it on camera. As I exhaled a large puff of smoke, I made a mental note of all the guys that had approached me over the course of the party, all asking if I could put in a good word for them with Suzy. I shook my head, laughing at how easy it was for her to have men throw themselves at her feet. It wasn't that she was just gorgeous. It was that she was an amazing person, as well. I continued to think about all the things that made Suzy who she was. Then it hit me. She was pretty much the exact opposite of me. I had always thought we had more than plenty in common, but when it came to our characteristics, we were polar opposites.

"It makes sense why all the guys want her," I whispered to myself.

"What guys want who?"

Scared as shit, I jumped at the voice. I hadn't heard anybody come outside and wasn't expecting to be crept up on. I looked up and saw Jackson chuckling at my reaction.

"You know, you really should wear a bell or something. Or get Graupner to play the trumpet to announce your presence."

"I'll get right on that," he laughed as he sat down next to me. "What were you whispering to yourself just now?"

"Oh, just about the number of guys that wanted me to talk to Suzy for them."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I was thinking about how different she and I actually are when it comes to personality traits. I can't believe I just now realized it after all these years. It makes sense why they promise her heaven and earth."

"Enlighten me," he seriously replied.

"Physically, there's the obvious. She's beyond gorgeous, and I'm just… not," I laughed. "She's intelligent, logical, level-headed, acts her age," I snorted, "and she's got this amazing ability to just pick up on things. Whether it's music or languages or movie quotes, she can do it all."

I took a final drag and stubbed it out on a small patch of grass, cupping it to throw out when I got back inside. Jackson hadn't said anything and we both sat there, staring out into the backyard. I was about to reach into my back pocket and pull out another cig when he spoke up, startling me again.

"Your family really worked a number on you, didn't they?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked, confused as fuck as to how we had gotten onto this convo.

"You _really_ don't get it. It's unbelievable," he muttered.

My phone must have the uncanny ability of knowing when I need to have an important conversation, because it always chimed in at the worst possible time. When I heard it banjo, I picked it up and read the text out loud.

_Rob and Kellan are fighting over what movie to watch. I told them we're leaving the decision to you since it's your collection. Hurry! I think they may come to blows! – Suzy_

"I guess that's our cue to stop them. Though, I might be inclined to let them go at it if we threw in some mud or jello," I giggled.

"You and everyone else," he chuckled.

We walked in and headed down the stairs, already hearing the argument going on between Kellan and Rob.

"We're _not_ watching _Ace Ventura_, Kellan. You've seen that way too many times as it is."

"It's better than watching whatever you have in mind. I don't care what you choose, it's gonna blow, dude."

"Boys!" I yelled, letting them know that the Head Bitch In Charge was now in the room. "This can easily be settled. Why don't you take off your shirts and roll around in some jello? The winner gets to pick."

The both shot me "What the fuck?" looks as the rest of the room laughed.

"That's what I thought. Now, let me go through my collection and I'll pick."

"I'm gonna go make some popcorn. You've got about five minutes to make peace," Suzy said as she left the room.

I glanced through my general collection for a few minutes, not really finding anything that I felt everyone would enjoy.

"Hmmm… Maybe something from the Elite Collection?" I mumbled to myself.

"What's the Elite Collection?" Nikki asked.

"This," I said, pointing to group of DVDs that were set apart from the others, "is my Elite Collection. They're my most prized movies that I don't let anyone touch, let alone borrow."

"What do you have there?" Rob slurred.

"First, we have Mariah Carey concerts by date of release. Next are Mariah Carey movies by date of release. Then, Elijah Wood movies by alphabetical order."

"Elijah Wood?" I heard Jackson snort as I furiously nodded my head. "Always with the Elijah Wood."

"I don't get it," Alex replied.

"Elijah's been my number one hottie for almost twenty years now. While numbers two through five have changed somewhat over the years, he's never left that position. If it's possible to love someone you've never met, then I love him," I giggled.

"Who the hell got her talking about Frodo?" Suzy chimed in, holding two large bowls of popcorn. "Now she'll never shut up."

"So, who else is on your list?" Jackson suddenly interrupted.

_Fuck. I walked right into that one._

"Nope. Not discussing that," I said, shaking my head.

"Is anybody in this room on the list?" Nikki said, cocking her head to the side and trying not to laugh.

"Um, yeah," I mumbled.

"Spill it, girl," she laughed.

_Go with the safe choice._

"Rob. He's number four."

Rob looked up at me and chuckled.

"So the hair _is_ poofy enough for you."

"Hair poofiness isn't really what does it for her," Suzy threw in, smirking.

"Anyway," I began as I shot her a glare, "next we have Tom Hanks movies alphabetized. Then Sandra Bullock by alphabetical order. Of course, M Night Shyamalan movies by date of release. Then _some_ movie about sparkling vampires," I laughed, looking over my shoulder at Rob who was now mumbling to himself while Kristen groaned. "_Harry Potter_ in chronological order. And finally, my favorite movie of all time, _Harry and the Hendersons_."

I turned around to fully face the room, finding looks that ranged from shock to disbelief.

"You're seriously a freak," Bronson said, breaking the silence.

"And you seriously asked me for a favor earlier today that I don't feel like taking care of now," I smirked, noting to strike him off the list of men pining for Suzy. "I'm just as weird about my iTunes, so stop giving me those looks," I said.

"At least she doesn't cry during every song on her iPod. _Every_ movie she's _ever_ seen? Hysterical sobs."

As I turned back to the DVDs to pick one out, I threw her the middle finger.

"Oh, come on. One of you has to have seen a movie with her by now."

"Yeah," Ashley and Jackson said in unison.

"It's like nothing you've ever seen," Jackson laughed.

"Oh, no. Lemme tell you. We watched a Joaquin Phoenix movie called _Return To Paradise_ one night –"

"Suzy, shut up!"

"– and we actually had to stop it halfway through, because she was crying so hard that she was shaking the bed. I had to hold her hair while she threw up. By the time we got to finish the movie, her eyes were completely puffed out. It was terrifying."

Finally turning away from the DVDs, I bent over to grab one of my flip-flops. I launched it at her, though she merely ducked, letting it hit the other side of the room. As everyone laughed and reenacted my shoe fury, Rob got up and grabbed my flip-flop, making it very apparent that he would definitely stumble were he asked to walk a straight line. As he handed it to me, he patted me on the back and chuckled.

"Okay, fine. I'm a freak. Whatever. But I'm the one picking the movie, so you guys can either shut up or I can force you to watch the one that Suzy just talked about."

The entire room fell dead quiet.

"That's what I thought."

I looked through the titles again, finally finding one that I thought might work.

"Aha! Here we go. _August Rush_."

Everybody made some mention about actually wanting to see the movie when it had first come out. Rob, however, wasn't fully convinced.

"What's it about?"

"It's hard to explain without giving the plot away. It's about music, most of all. It's very _Mr Holland's Opus_. This one, though, has something you'll love."

"Yeah?"

"One word, two syllables for you, Robby boy: Moondance."

"What are you waiting for?" he said, gesturing me towards the DVD player.

I put the disc in and waited for the screen to come up before I grabbed the remote that would turn the lights off.

"I saved you a seat," I heard Jackson whisper.

It was then that I noticed the seating arrangements. Rob, Kristen, Taylor and Nikki were in the front row. Kellan, Alex, Bronson, Suzy, and Ashley were in the middle row, making me wonder how Suzy had gotten stuck sitting between Bronson and Kellan. Jackson and I were the only ones sitting in the back row, me on his left and away from the door. Shoving the panic attack down, I hesitantly walked to my seat, noticing that Nikki, Ashley, and Kristen were giving me sad smiles. Rob, however, was now reaching blindly behind him, trying to dig popcorn out of one the bowls Suzy brought in with her. I giggled and thanked England for making Rob a lush.

The movie began, and I kept reminding myself to let Jackson have the armrest. I didn't want to forget that we were sitting next to one another and have my arm casually land next to his. I wouldn't be able to hold my hormones back if I did. My hormones took a back seat when "Moondance" came on, and I watched as Rob sat, open-mouthed, intensely looking at the screen.

During the guitar slap scene, I squealed. I actually fucking squealed. Suzy turned around and threw popcorn at me. I managed to catch some of it and threw it back at her, only causing her to raise her hand and flip me off. Jackson leaned over into my attempted Jackson-Free Zone.

"Really? A little kid with a guitar makes you giddy?"

"Did you see the look on his face? If you don't smile at that, you have the emotions of aluminum foil."

I heard him snort as he sat back in his chair. As we continued to watch, I could hear some sniffles from the rows in front of me when August's mother realized he was actually still alive. I couldn't help but silently laugh at the fact that I wasn't the only one emotionally invested in the movie. By the time "August's Rhapsody" ended, the final scene of the movie, I was pretty much sobbing, though keeping it to a pretty silent roar. I was so caught up with the girly emotions, I didn't notice that Jackson had tried to comfort me by putting his arm around my shoulder. Once I did, I immediately sat forward, taking my time to wipe the tears from my eyes. When I noticed that he had moved his arm away, I hesitantly sank back into my seat, slowly but surely leaning to the left and away from him.

When the credits came up, I used the remote to turn the lights on, causing everybody to wince. As we all started to stand and stretch, Ashley looked over at Jackson.

"Do you need a minute to yourself, or are you okay?" she laughed.

"Shut up, Ashley."

"What? Are you crying?" I chuckled.

"He has a thing for chicks that play the cello. He always said he would have to 'take care of business' should he ever see a girl he liked play one in person," she giggled, using air quotes to get her point across.

When I heard her explanation, I froze for a split second and tried not to make too much of what she'd said. That was until I caught Suzy's face, that evil and plotting gleam in her eye. I let out a big sigh and shook my head at her, hoping she wouldn't go there.

"Iris plays the cello," she said, staring directly at me in defiance.

_Fuck you, Poland._

"You do?" and "Really?" rang out in the room. I silently wished Suzy a slow, horrible death for putting that little tidbit out there.

"Who wants pie?!" I clapped a little too enthusiastically, hoping to change the subject.

Ashley and Nikki looked right at me and smirked. I rolled my eyes and began picking up the popcorn mess that was lying at my feet. By the time I was done, almost everyone had left the room. Well, everyone but Jackson and Suzy, who was cleaning up the mess closest to her.

"You really play the cello?"

"It's not a big deal. It's not like I'm good at it or anything."

"Oh, she's good."

I threw Suzy an evil death glare.

"You are just really chatty tonight, aren't you?" I said through gritted teeth.

"You have any other musical talents I'm not aware of?" he smirked.

"She plays a bunch of other instruments," Suzy began, pretending to be really into the clean up job. "Isn't there something else you musically do besides be your own one-woman orchestra, Iris?"

"Nope."

She stood straight up and glared at me.

"Really? I could've sworn there was. It's on the tip of my tongue…" she threatened, tapping her chin with her finger.

"The tip of my shoe's gonna be in your ass if you don't shut up and finish," I forcibly laughed.

I watched as Suzy walked away, nodding her head in Jackson's direction as his back was to her.

_He'll find out soon enough. I'm not gonna say anything now._

I threw the rogue popcorn into the wastebasket to the left of me and started walking out of the aisle, wondering why Jackson was still standing in front of his seat.

"Excuse me," I muttered, trying to walk in front of him and arching so that I didn't touch any part of his fantastical body.

As I tried shuffling out of his general hottness, my foot caught his boot and I just about went sailing. I felt his hands wrap around my upper arms, bringing me back into him, keeping me from planting face first into the floor. I stood there and laughed at my clumsiness, trying not to dwell on the fact that I had been in this very position with him twice already today. I looked back at him and gave him my best fake smile to go with a nod, waiting for him to drop his hands. When he didn't immediately let go, I walked away, _forcing_ him to let go. He didn't respond to my silent thank you as he followed me out of the theater and up the stairs where we found everyone digging into one of the pies. While Suzy smirked evilly at me, making me think she should have one of those weirdly thin mustaches to roll in between her fingers, Kristen raised her eyebrow at me. I closed my eyes and minutely shook my head, praying to Baby Jesus that they would just let it rest.

We stood around the island, picking at the pie with our forks until it was gone, and went over the details of the concert the next day. We settled on riding together, taking three separate company cars from the house to the show so that Rob and Kristen wouldn't get attacked and we could all fit. Once the pie was finished, everyone straightened up and gathered their stuff. They all headed for the door, and I noticed that Suzy and Ashley were linked together, arm in arm, as they whispered to one another, the first to walk out.

"Take two aspirin and call me in the morning," I laughed at Rob.

"The only way to cure a hangover is to have a beer the moment you wake up," he laughed as he walked out. "That or to just never stop drinking."

Before he left, I ran back to the fridge and grabbed one of the leftover pies for Kellan, earning me a grin.

"Prank war or not, the dimples make me smile," I said, poking one of them with my index finger.

He took the pie, thanked me, and as he was about to walk away, turned back around to me with a horrified look on his face.

"You didn't do anything to this pie, did you?"

I smiled and shrugged, letting him believe that I had. Making him wonder whether I had ruined his pie, a true torture for Kellan and his pie-loving ass, It was punishment enough for the ice incident. Jackson walked out with Kellan, leading me to believe that God and His wrath were not aimed completely at me. Once the door closed, I started cleaning the kitchen and waited for Suzy to come back, so she could sit with me while I smoked a cigarette in the backyard. I heard the door open a few minutes later.

"You better not be up to anything, Mrs. Gubler," I instantly said, using her crush on Matthew Gray Gubler to hopefully keep her from doing something to humiliate me.

"Why do you always assume I'm Suzy?"

I sighed and placed the dishes I had in my hands into the sink, turning around to face him.

_He's starting to frustrate the shit outta me. Stop being nice, you hot fucker!_

"What's up?" I asked as I grabbed a dishtowel and cleaned something off from the bottom of my shirt.

"You really didn't think I would leave without saying goodnight, did you?" he replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Goodnight," I said with a tight-lipped smile, adding another nod.

He started walking toward me, and I immediately panicked. I backed away, grabbing at things around the kitchen as if I was cleaning. He stopped in his tracks, and I mirrored his actions.

"What's going on with you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"It's like you can't even stand to be near me. Do I smell or something? You were doing the same thing yesterday."

"That's not true. I don't know what you're talking about," I said to the ground, noticing that my flip-flops were looking pretty tattered and I'd have to make a trip to Old Navy for their two for $5.00 sale soon.

Instead of responding, he walked to me. He stood there for a minute, and since my head was still down, I couldn't see his face. I heard him sigh, and I hoped that it was an indication that he would view me as being bitchy and walk away. Instead, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him bend his knees enough to make him almost eye-level with me.

"Hey," he whispered.

I felt my hair being pushed back from my shoulders, and I almost lifted my eyes to ask him what he was doing. I was stopped dead when his hands grabbed my face at the temples, sliding his fingers into my hair. The feel of his calloused fingertips brushing against my skin was enough to make my heart stop beating for a split second.

_Please don't kiss me. My heart won't be able to handle it._

With my eyes closed, he lifted my face as much as I would allow. I heard one foot shuffle closer before I actually felt it nudge the front of my shoe. The next thing I felt were his lips… on my forehead. I let out a shaky exhale, thanking God that he hadn't gone anywhere near my mouth and also at the simple sensation of having his luscious lips on anywhere but the top of my head.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, pulling away from me.

I could still feel him hovering, and before I could let the warmth completely overtake me, I braced myself for the words I had to say, knowing that it was the only way to save myself even the teensiest bit of pain and/or humiliation.

"You need to stop doing that," I whispered.

"What?"

I raised my head, and with a little more force said, "You need to stop doing that. Stop being so nice. Just… stop, okay?"

"You want me to stop being nice to you?" he asked, not believing that I would ask such a thing.

"Yes!" I practically yelled, my frustration finally showing its fugly face. "You can't just go around with the arm-grabbing and the head-kissing and the smirk-wearing."

"Why the hell would that be an issue?" he asked, his voice letting me know that he was both angry and confused.

"It just is! Do me a favor and just stop. I'm asking this of you as a friend. Please."

He shoved his hands in his pockets as his face now matched the angry tone he had just used.

"I don't know why you're being like this, but fine. Whatever. I'm not going to push being 'nice' on you," he said and turned around, slamming the door on his way out.

I dropped the stuff I had been holding, dusted my hands off on my jeans, and rubbed my eyes. I heard the door open again, and I was prepared to either attack and kiss him or flip the fuck out on him for the emotional rollercoaster he was putting me on.

"What the fuck just happened? Jackson walked out to the car with the biggest scowl I've ever seen."

"Not now, Suz," I whispered, shaking my head. "Will you just sit outside with me while I think?"

I must've looked like hell, because she didn't argue. She looked at me as if somebody had just killed my puppy and simply nodded. I grabbed my phone and my cigs, remembering to snatch a lighter from one of the kitchen drawers, and headed outside. The moment I lit up, I began to cry. Suzy pulled me into her side and wrapped her arm around my shoulder as I laid my head on hers. We stayed that way for an hour as I worried about whether I had just totally screwed my friendship with Jackson.

* * *

_**Pinche – bitch**_

_**Mi nina – My little girl**_

_**Mi casa, su casa – My house, your house**_

_**Ay, cabrona. Eso si dolio! – Ow, bitch. That hurt!**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's hair-tucking: Scary and knee-wobbling.**


	12. Closer, Part One

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / T0VxKH  
**

* * *

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"Only if it's an immaculate conception and God has no problem bringing baby Jesus _Numero Dos_ through the likes of me."

In true best friend style, Suzy was standing behind me, holding my hair as I puked anything and everything into the toilet. I tried not to look, but it was like a car accident.

"None of that even looks remotely familiar," I coughed.

"It didn't look like that when you ate it, Iris. Well, I'm hoping it didn't."

For the first time since last night's epic fail, I laughed. When I was certain I wasn't going to upchuck anymore, I got off the floor of the bathroom and walked over to the sink. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. To say I looked like shit would be the biggest understatement of the year.

"It wasn't _that_ bad," Suzy said, leaning against the bathroom wall.

"Were we not in the same room? Suz, it was a complete and utter disaster! I don't even know how I'm supposed to get through the concert tonight."

Driving back from the venue this morning, I sobbed like a two year old at just how badly it had all gone down. That, on top of my fight with Jackson last night, collided into one huge pile of horseshit when I got home. It took me all of two seconds to run to the bathroom and free the vegetables in my system.

"I really don't think you'd be as nervous if you just told them what was going on. They're obviously going to find out. You might as well just tell them. They might even help."

"I don't need them making assumptions. We both know I have no idea what I'm doing, and I shouldn't be at this concert in anything other than a fan capacity."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, _pinche_," Suzy said as we walked out of the bathroom. "Speaking of credit, we should go to the store. You're gonna need a new outfit for tonight."

"Nope. No way. I'm already going to be a nervous wreck. I need to be in my own clothes, so I can feel safe and secure. If I could, I'd take my stuffed animals with me tonight. Besides, I already know what I'm wearing."

"Lemme guess. Jeans, a shirt, and flip flops?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"I'm wearing the monkey shirt that Monkey sent me. That's new," I beamed, trying to end the discussion. "Besides, you and I both know that everyone else is going in whatever they feel comfy in. I don't wanna be looking all sorts of attempted glam."

"Look, I'll let you wear the monkey shirt if you get new pants and shoes. I promise it won't be that bad. You need to upgrade just for tonight. After that, you can go back to looking like a walking photograph. And everybody else? They're not doing what you're doing tonight, so you have to look somewhat dolled up."

I figured her compromise was as good as I was going to get, so I gave in. We grabbed our shit and headed out to what I was hoping would be a Walmart. Instead, she made me go to some store I had never heard of.

I later found myself in a dressing room, having tried on ten pairs of pants all of my choosing, and was on the verge of giving up. Just as I was ready to call it quits, Suzy threw another pair over the dressing room door. I noticed the style and size and froze.

"Suzy, what the hell are these?"

"Those are called pants. People wear them, because it's not considered polite to bear your ass in public," she retorted through the door.

"Very funny, Dane Cook. These are skinny jeans. Not only that, but they're a size eight."

"The pants you have on today are a ten, right? They're looking big on you. I'm sure you haven't even noticed, but you're still losing weight. Just try them on," she demanded.

I had been so caught up in the Jackson fiasco that I _hadn't_ noticed it, but Suzy was right. My pants were big. I tried on the skinnies and walked out of the dressing room.

"Those look great!" she smiled, showing off her perfect teeth. "I can actually tell how thin you're getting. When you wear those other jeans, it makes you look bigger than you really are, and these show off your shelf ass," she laughed.

"Dude, skinny jeans are supposed to be worn by skinny people. I shouldn't have these on," I grumbled.

"Shut up. You're getting them. Now, let's find you some heels."

"Oh, no! I draw the line at heels. I haven't worn any since a _quincenera_ I attended five years ago. I'm not starting now."

"Listen, you're barely five feet tall. People are going to need to see you. We'll find you something that won't cause any bodily damage to you or anyone in your vicinity."

I changed back into my regular pants, disgusted at the fact that I had let her talk me into buying the skinnies, and made our way over to the shoe department. We scoured through the selection, me mumbling about how Suzy was trying to Barbie me up and her scolding and wagging her finger at me. Surprisingly, a pair of heels in the color of the monkey shirt caught my eye. I tried them on and actually smiled. Since Suzy approved, I decided to take them.

I followed Suzy around for another hour while she picked out an outfit for herself.

"Quick question," she blurted out.

"Shoot."

"You're not, like, starving yourself or throwing up your food or anything, right?"

"Why would you ask me a stupid question like that?"

"You dropped to a ten a month ago. Now, you're an eight. I'm just worried that you might be doing something stupid to keep dropping the poundage."

"_Oyes_, I'm not a dumbass. I wouldn't do anything like that. My diet's changed. That's it. I'm not wolfing down the fast food, I'm eating more fruits and veggies, and I'm staying clear of the dead animal."

"Good. Just checking," she smiled.

I rolled my eyes and moved past her, hoping to get her attention on a shirt so she would leave me alone. It was a bad move on my part as she pretty much dove head first into one of the racks. When I started whining about how much I hated shopping for clothes, she had mercy on me and we checked out.

"So… What's going on with you and Kellan?" I asked, driving back to the house and wagging my eyebrows at her.

"Nothing. What do you mean?"

"You were pretty chatty with him yesterday before I had my Jackson breakdown on the porch."

"Oh. Well, when he stopped staring at my chest and started speaking to me like a human being, he was tolerable," she laughed. "He seems like a good guy."

"No interest?"

"_Nada_. Sorry. I'm holding out for Alexander Skarsgard or Matthew Gray Gubler. If you're not one of those two, I have no time for you," she said seriously.

We talked more about the hotties of _True Blood_ and _Criminal Minds_ as I drove to the liquor store. I never got a message from Rob about what he wanted, so I texted Ashley. She messaged me back that I should get whatever I wanted and not to worry about them, especially Rob since he would be happy with whatever. Suzy decided to go with tequila, vodka, and Jager, and I insisted on whiskey.

As we walked up and down the aisles, wondering if there was something else we should get, Suzy kept asking questions about Jackson.

"I'm not understanding you. You want to be his friend, but you don't?"

"It's simple, Suz. I like him and I want to be with him, but I know that's not possible. I want to be his friend, but I don't wanna have to deal with the touchy-feely thing. It just reminds me of how much I like him and can't do anything about it. It would be easier if we weren't friends, so that I wouldn't have to be reminded of what I feel," I shrugged. "I want it all, but I know I can't have it."

"Why don't you just tell him that you like him and see what happens?"

"He's a good guy. Like, a genuinely good person. If I told him that, he'd simply turn me down in a gentlemanly way and would continue to be my friend for the sole purpose of not wanting to hurt my feelings. I don't want a pity friendship."

"You were pretty harsh on him last night," she said as we walked out of the liquor store, the bottles clinking as we moved.

"I didn't mean to be," I sighed. "I just wanted him to understand that he can't act that way with me. I'm not used to how he is with his friends. And you know me, Suz. I take everything he does to heart. He's naturally friendly, and I want more than anything to let myself believe that there's more behind his actions. I know better, though. I can't tell him why I want him to stop, because then he'd know how I feel about him. Then we get back to the whole pity thing."

We climbed back into the car and drove off to the grocery store to pick up Red Bull and soda chasers. By the time we got to the house, it was already 3pm. Since everybody was going to start arriving around five, I decided to take a nap before I hopped in the shower and got ready for the concert. I needed to be clear-headed and rested for the absolute car accident that was sure to take place.

I woke up an hour later, thanks to Suzy blaring Alicia Keys throughout the house, and found that she had laid out my outfit for the night at the foot of my bed. Shaking my head, I hopped in the shower. After taking the time to really condition my hair and shave my legs, I got out and began the primping process. When I was finished, I called Suzy into my room to get her seal of approval.

"Oh, my God…" she whispered.

"I know. I look like shit run over twice. What do I need to work on?"

"Not that kind, you dumbass. You look amazing!"

"I know that by order of the Best Friend Code you're required to say I look great. But let's be serious. Don't patronize me. Suggestions, please."

"I'm serious. You look gorgeous! Don't change anything."

She walked over and stood next to me in the mirror. I couldn't help but realize just how much more amazing she looked than I did when she didn't even have to try. I was going to tell her that when she let this full-blown smile take over her face.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just… I've never seen you like this. I mean, you know I think you're beautiful, but to see you with the make-up and clothes and everything? I feel like you're growing up or something."

"Oh, bite me, wench," I laughed.

I glanced at the clock and realized it was actually closer to 6pm, making me wonder where the hell everyone was. Just then, the doorbell rang and I immediately went into panic mode. Suzy saw the freak out I was about to have and tried to calm me down.

"I'll go get that. Collect yourself, and come down when you're ready. I'll stall," she said as she walked out the door. "By the way, your boobs look huge. Jackson's gonna lose his shit when he sees you."

"Very fucking funny, bitch!" I yelled at her as she ran out of my room, hearing her laugh all the way down the stairs.

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying not to think about the concert or the fact that Jackson was downstairs and the fight we had when he left the night before. When I thought I was okay to go meet everyone, I opened my eyes. Before I could help myself, I caught my reflection in the full-length mirror and started analyzing the way I looked.

I decided to go with dark, smoky eyes for a dramatic look and had even used the eyelash curler and two applications of mascara, making my lashes look super long and my eyes big. I kept the blush a peachy, neutral color and used a plumping lip gloss that matched. Though my hair was still down, it was curlier than normal and I had managed to get some volume into it without looking like I belonged in an 80s hair band video. The monkey shirt was fitted and ended just below the waistband of the dark skinny jeans, making it look like I had a waist. I was pretty surprised that I didn't have muffin top, but I didn't question it, thanking God that He was bestowing some mercy on me. The dark color of the jeans made my thighs looks smaller and yet brought out my supposed stereotypical Latina ass. On my feet were the strappy, peep-toe heels I'd bought, perfectly matching the color of my shirt. All in all, from the hair to the make-up to the outfit, it wasn't bad. The look would've been amazing on somebody else, _anybody_ else.

_What the fuck are you doing? You look ridiculous._

I stared at myself and began to get unbelievably angry. The anger quickly turned to self-pity. The self-pity automatically turned to the beginnings of a panic attack.

_Not only do you look ridiculous, but you're going to make a fool of yourself tonight._

I could hear voices and glasses clinking downstairs, along with music which let me know that Suzy had taken my iPod and connected it to the sound system, and there was no way in fucking Hell I was going to go down there and ask Suzy to come upstairs to help me out, ruining everybody's party atmosphere. I walked over to the door and gripped the doorframe.

"Suzy? Can you come up here, please? I need you!"

I tried to sound as calm as I could, but I was already starting to wheeze. I got myself over to the bed and sat on the edge of it, putting my head between my knees. Between not being able to breathe and the sound of blood pounding in my ears, I was seriously starting to lose it. It seemed like forever before I heard what I could barely make out as Suzy's voice.

"Jesus! Okay, Iris. Listen to me. Listen to my voice. I need you to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth. Take deep breaths. Clear your mind of everything. Go to your happy place."

I could tell that she was crouching in front of me when I felt her take my hands in hers.

"What's wrong with her?"

_Shit! She's not alone._

"She's freaking out about the concert."

"All this because she's going to try and rush the stage?"

I raised my head and looked at Suzy, realizing that it was Kristen that was with her. Suzy gave me the eye, her indication that it was time to give up my secret. I nodded, letting Suzy know it was okay to tell her. I didn't wanna look like a complete psycho, having a panic attack because I was supposedly going to try and lip-rape Caleb.

"Are you sure?" she asked me.

Though I had calmed down some, I still didn't have the energy to speak so I nodded again.

"She was never going to do that," she sighed. "She's, uh, she's actually singing on stage with Kings Of Leon tonight."

"Holy shit. You serious? How the fuck did she manage that?"

"It's my fault," Suzy started. "You heard about how the band was accepting videos of people who wanted to sing with them in each city they played in? I entered Iris without her knowing. I figured if she didn't win, then no harm done. If she did, she'd be too excited about it to be mad at me. Honestly, I didn't expect her to win. I mean, it's pretty much a one in a million shot with all the entries they had. But she got it. She was supposed to sing at their New York show, but I managed to get it switched since we were here. Thing is that Iris has the worst stage fright imaginable. Add that to the world's worst case of self-esteem, and you get her freaking out like this."

"Why didn't you say anything to us?" Kristen asked me the moment I opened my eyes.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I whispered. "I can't sing at all and I've _never_ sung in front of anybody before, let alone thousands of people at a concert. I didn't want you guys to think that _I_ thought I had any talent, because you'd laugh at me the moment you heard me tonight."

_Oh, God. Jackson's downstairs. And you look ridiculous. And he's going to watch you fall flat on your face!_

I dropped my head between my knees again as I felt another panic attack bubbling up. Suzy went back to ushering instructions. After a couple of minutes, the ringing in my ears started to fade.

"Can she sing?" I heard Kristen ask.

I waited to hear Suzy's answer, but there wasn't one. When I raised my head to look at them, it seemed as if they had just finished having some non-word, eyes-only conversation. Kristen turned to look at me, raised her eyebrows, and then smirked.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"What did you tell her?" I pleaded.

"Nothing," Suzy replied, rolling her eyes. "Are you going to be okay now?"

"I think so. I just need a few more minutes to calm down. And I probably should fix whatever damage I did to my make-up."

"Okay, we're gonna head back downstairs. I'll just tell everyone you're having hair issues."

"I'm having hair issues?!"

"Shut the fuck up. You look fine. Actually, you look great," said Kristen. "We're just stalling. Now, hurry the fuck up."

"Guys, do me favor? Please don't tell anybody else. I can deal with the looks of disappointment after I'm done. I just can't deal with the looks of disappointment if everybody's lead to believe beforehand that I have any real reason to be up there."

Both of them rolled their eyes at me but nodded. They walked out of the room and shut the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts, which is never a good thing. I surveyed the damage and was shocked as hell that I hadn't done any. Hair, make-up, and outfit were all still in place. I took another five minutes to pace around the room, counted to one hundred, recited some Mariah lyrics, and then finally walked out to the stairs.

_Don't fall down the stairs. Don't fall down the stairs!_

I gripped the banister and watched my feet as I took each step down, walking ever so slowly. I cringed the moment I heard my heels hit the linoleum floor.

"There she is," I heard Suzy proclaim.

I looked up and smiled, though it was probably more of a grimace. I kept wringing my hands together, nervous as fuck and not knowing what to do with them. My eyes immediately went to Jackson. Despite the fact that we hadn't spoken in almost an entire day, that I was the one who had instigated our fight because I didn't want to like him anymore, I wanted him, as my friend, to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

Jackson had stopped whatever it was he was doing and stared at me.

_He probably hates you now, douchebag._

I pretty much stared back and noticed that his crisp, white shirt brought out the green in his eyes. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail, allowing me to really see the pretty that was his face. I heard Suzy lightly clear her throat, probably trying to pull me out of my Jackson trance without being too obvious about it. When he made no attempt to smile or even stop staring at me, I looked over at everyone else. They were gaping at me.

"Who are you, and what the hell have you done with Iris?" Kellan asked.

I threw my arms up in the air and did an about-face, heading right for the staircase. I heard Suzy yelling after me and a bunch of other commotion. I felt dainty fingers wrap around my wrist and stop me mid-step.

"That's not how he meant it," Suzy explained as she dragged me back to the crowd.

"What Kellan_ meant_ to say," Ashley began as she threw him a disapproving look, "was that we've never seen you like this. You look really beautiful. I mean, not that you don't always look beautiful, but… I'm saying this wrong," she mumbled, flicking her eyes to Jackson. "You look gorgeous, hon," she finished with a smile.

"Where the hell have you been hiding that ass?" Nikki laughed, making me roll my eyes again and turn twenty-seven shades of red.

She and Taylor came over to me, giving me hugs and telling me how great I looked. I knew they were just trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings, but their kind words only made me wanna hurl again. I kept looking over at Suzy, hoping she would save me by getting me a drink while I talked to them, but she kept checking her phone and wouldn't look up. I was about to go ask her why she was so distracted, but Rob came over and grabbed me by the arm.

"Let's have a drink," he smiled.

He poured us both a shot, and we knocked it back. With the amount of Linda Blair-pea soup action I had earlier today, the liquor burned more than ever. As I set the shot glass down, I caught Jackson's eye. He didn't smile, but he didn't frown. It was like his face had been wiped of any emotion.

"He's been like that since we left here yesterday," Rob said as he took a swig of his beer. "I don't know what happened. He won't talk to any of us about it."

"Oh," I whispered.

_He's probably just regretting ever having met you. He definitely doesn't wanna be here right now._

"By the way, you look really pretty. He hasn't taken his eyes off of you," he whispered, kissing the top of my head as he walked away and leaving me there in shock at his words.

After I finished taking my second shot, I realized that Bryce was part of the group and we had never even met. I quickly walked over to her, introduced myself, and even asked her if she wanted me to make her something to eat. She laughed at my offer but politely declined, thanking me for inviting her over to pre-game. She said it was really nice to get out and not have to worry about anything, though she was missing her baby. I hadn't seen Xavier in a while so I chatted with him for a bit, all the while chugging beer like it was water.

I saw Suzy walking over to me, still checking her phone every two seconds.

"You should probably slow down on the drinking. You haven't eaten anything all day, and you have a mission to take care of," she whispered. "You can't be falling down drunk tonight."

"I'm fine," I defended. "And why the fuck do you keep checking your phone? You have a date or something?"

"Or something," she smirked, checking her phone _yet_ again.

I did a one-eighty, wanting to go grab another beer, and ended up smacking into Jackson.

_Awkward._

"Sorry," I mumbled, keeping my head down and walking around him, knowing that my apology was more than just about bumping into him.

I noticed that he hadn't reached out to steady me as he had the day he took me to the set. My heart sank even more, but I knew I only had myself to blame. He actually listened to my plea from the night before. I had never wanted to take back a conversation so badly in my entire life.

"So," began Nikki. "Are you ever going to tell us who else is on your hottie list?"

"Yes, Iris. Tell them," Suzy threw in, making me wanna dig my heel into her big toe.

"I don't know why you guys find this shit interesting," I sighed. "Okay, Shia LaBeouf is number three. There. That's all you're getting."

"Who's number two?" Rob asked, smirking at me and knowing full well what he was doing.

"I know one of your legs is shorter than the other. Keep it up, and they'll both be the same length, kiddo."

Still holding on to his beer, he put both his hands up in surrender and laughed. As I walked over to the fridge, I made eye contact with Jackson. I gave him a small smile. He gave me nothing.

I grabbed another beer and announced I was heading into the backyard for a smoke. Suzy shot me a look, because I knew full-well that I shouldn't have one since I was supposed to be singing in three hours, but since that rule only applied to people with actual talent, I dismissed it. Ashley, Nikki, and Taylor joined me, ironically saying that they needed fresh air. They asked me if I was seriously going to rush the stage and attempt a make-out session with Caleb. I laughed and told them that I was, feeling pretty fucking guilty about having to lie to them. I deluded myself into thinking that my disappointment theory would make it all better. They offered suggestions as to how to get up on the stage and make it out of the arena without getting arrested, making me love them that much more. I finished up and we all walked back inside. I was making a beeline for the whiskey when I saw Suzy smiling like a fiend, still staring at her phone.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?" I asked.

"Nothing," she beamed.

We all continued drinking and chatting, though Jackson and I never came into contact again. He and I would catch each other's eye every once in a while, but I would look away just as quickly as it happened. I didn't need to dwell on the guilt of finally pushing him away on top of the paranoia of having to sing at the concert, _as well_ as looking like a fucking idiot in the outfit I was wearing. I kept glancing at the clock on the microwave, and the closer it got to 8pm, the more fidgety I became.

I asked that we all do a shot together, hoping that the more alcohol I drank, the less chicken shit I would be about singing. We all gathered around the island and took our shot. Just as we were setting our shot glasses back down, I heard a voice that nearly knocked me on my ass.

"Who the hell are you people, and what the fuck are you doing in my house?"

I spun around, and there before me, was my own slice of Mexico.

"Juanita?"

She smiled at me and cocked her head to one side.

"I leave you alone for _one_ minute, and you're getting celebrities trashed. Really?"

I ran towards her, squealing like those twelve year olds in love with Rob on YouTube, and attacked her with a hug. She fiercely returned it, and I had to remind myself not to cry. I pulled her further inside the house, asking her what she was doing here.

"You really think I would miss this? _Estas loca_!" she replied, smacking me in the arm. "Oh! I brought you a present, by the way."

She gestured towards the door, and I couldn't help but let out a gasp.

"Monkey!"

Rita, my sweet Monkey, was standing in the doorway, wearing the Curious George shirt I had sent her. I walked over and stood in front of her.

"May the force be with you," she began.

"And also with you," I replied.

"Amen," we recited in unison.

I hugged her, thanking her for being with me when I needed her the most.

"Thank Juanita. She threatened to drive all the way out to Long Island to drag me by my hair if I didn't agree to fly here with her," she laughed.

"This is the second time in six months I've seen you, Monk. We going for a record here?" I laughed.

She merely shrugged her shoulders and smiled. I ran over to Juanita and hugged her again. Before I knew it, she and I were discussing shit that had gone on in the past week, laughing hysterically and gesturing like maniacs. I didn't even realize that we had switched to speaking only in Spanish. I explained to her that nobody but Kristen knew what I was really doing at the concert, and she began to slap my arm. We got into a mini-argument over my decision, the lack of information thing, as well as the Jackson situation, probably making us resemble a _telenovela_.

"It's scary, isn't it?"

Juanita and I both turned to look at the group who were all either laughing or staring at us.

"What?" we asked, giggling at the fact that we did so at the same time.

"Listening to you two speak to each other in Spanish is like listening to two hyenas having a conversation," Kellan laughed.

I immediately flipped him off and began introducing Juanita and Monkey to everyone. When I was done, we all got back together for another shot. I was so happy to have my support team with me, knowing that I would need every ounce of help to get me through the night. I noticed Suzy was standing off to the side, watching me as I beamed like a little kid at Chuck E. Cheese. I walked over to her, faking being angry with her for not telling me about the girls making it out for the concert.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. Besides, the girls really wanted to be here and I knew you would love the moral support."

I hugged her and thanked her for everything. When I broke away, I noticed Juanita was walking towards Rob and Kristen.

_Danger, Will Robinson. Danger!_

"You," she said, pointing at Kristen, "need to eat more. You're really fucking skinny. You," she pointed at Rob, "are really fucking hot! And you," she said, glaring at Jackson, "you –"

"Juanita…" I warned, taking a step forward.

"If she didn't feel the way –" she began.

"Juanita!" I yelled, stomping my foot.

Everybody stood around in complete silence. Jackson's eyes kept glancing back and forth between Juanita and I, obviously uncomfortable. It was still silent as fuck, and I could feel my face getting hot.

"Hurricane Juanita. She destroys everything in her path," I laughed, hoping to break the tension.

I ran over to Juanita and grabbed her by the arm, excusing us from the group. I threw Suzy and Monkey a look, indicating that we needed a powwow. We walked out to the backyard, the four of us lighting up a cigarette the moment we were in the clear. As soon as we had all taken a drag, we all began to argue. Well, everyone except Monkey, forever my Republican-hippie-peace keeper. Juanita was yelling at me for pushing Jackson away. Suzy was yelling at Juanita for yelling at me but then yelled at me for not telling anybody about singing at the concert. I yelled at the both of them for yelling at me. Monkey stood off to the side, standing quietly, the smile never leaving her face.

_Ahhh. Good times!_

Eventually, I gave up trying to fight Suzy and Juanita. Monkey gave me the eye and we both slowly walked away from them, hoping they were too wrapped up in verbally bashing me to realize we were retreating.

"How are you holding up?" she asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. You know I don't do spotlights. And then this Jackson thing? I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do about it."

"Whatever you decide, I'm behind you. I just don't want to see you get hurt. But I also don't want you to throw away an opportunity at being happy because you're scared. Okay? And I say that for both the concert and Jackson."

"There's nothing to throw away. I just have to get over him, Monkey. As much as it kills me having to deal with how friendly he is with me, I don't wanna lose his friendship, either," I shrugged.

Monkey nodded her head, letting me know in her silent way that she understood. It was a severe contrast to the bickering that Suzy and Juanita were rolled up in. Monkey and I let out a soft laugh as we walked over to them. I stood there for a few seconds, taking in most of their convo, but had finally had it.

"Okay!" I yelled, getting everybody to shut up. "We've established that I'm a dumbass, a _pendeja_, and a poor-ass excuse for a Mexican. What's done is done, so there's no need to dwell on the stupid shit I've gotten myself into. Can we just drink and forget it all for now? I need to relax and try not to focus on the fact that I'm gonna look like a chump tonight."

They all nodded, and then flew into random comments about my outfit while Juanita kept coming back to how much hotter Rob was in person. I rolled my eyes, laughing at just how much I had actually missed my bitches. We switched topics and talked about where everyone was sitting at the concert. Since Suzy and I were already confirmed to sit with the group, we were worried about getting Monkey and Juanita up there with us, though neither Suzy nor I wanted to ask anybody from the cast to pull another string. Juanita and Monkey immediately declined, saying that they wanted to see my "stellar" performance on the floor with everyone else. We finished up and walked back inside, though I was promptly dragged back out again by Ashley and Nikki.

"Did you really tell Jackson to not be nice to you anymore?" Ashley asked.

"Of course!" I replied, realizing that I was slurring a little. "He was all up in my grill… or whatever," I tried to explain as I used hand gestures that only emphasized my drunkenness. "I'm trying to not like him. That's the mission. I can't accomplish it if he's being friendly."

"He's been in a pissy mood all day, and when we finally cornered him, he told us what happened. I didn't think you'd actually go through with it."

"Nik, what am I supposed to do? Continue to like him knowing that I have no chance in Hell with him? I'd rather just cut my losses now. I just wish we could still do the friend thing, though. I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all," I mumbled. "I know it's only been a week since I met you guys, but… I don't know. You guys are important to me, especiall Jackson," I whispered, realizing I was saying more than I ever intended to thanks to Mr. Jack Daniels.

"Well, he's more hurt than anything because he doesn't know why you're pushing him away. I guess I can sort of see where you're coming from, but I still think you should talk to him," Ashley replied.

"Yeah, not gonna happen," I sighed.

Worried at how late we were already running, we walked back in to start leaving but found Juanita and Rob going shot for shot. I laughed much louder than normal, many thanks to the ridiculous amount of alcohol in my system, and walked over to have yet _another_ shot. As I neared the island, Jackson's eyes were doing a funny dance between Nikki, Ashley, and myself. It all kind of had a high school feel to it. Hoping to rid the weird tension thing that was going on, I called us all together, asking to have one last shot before having to leave the house.

As I finished my shot, I noticed Rob's shirt. I gasped.

"The Stoli shirt," I whispered.

"The what?" Rob asked, glancing at me.

"Um, your shirt."

"What about it?"

"It's the famous Stoli shirt," I giggled.

He gave me a confused look, and it was then I realized just how clueless His Holy Hotness was as to his choice of wardrobe.

"What? Do I have a stain on it or something? I could've sworn this was clean," he mumbled as he looked down and inspected it.

"It's not that. _That_ shirt? It has its own legion of fans. There's an entire group of people devoted to its existence."

"I really don't get people sometimes," he said. "It's just a shirt."

"It's not just any shirt. It's _the_ shirt. The Stoli shirt heard 'round the world," I laughed.

He shook his head as we all gathered our shit to clear out of the house. Suzy and I chose to go with Juanita and Monkey in their rented car, claiming we needed to catch up with one another. I wasn't going to admit that the possibility of ending up in a car with Jackson was terrifying as fuck. Juanita coordinated with the other three company drivers about where she was going and where to park so that nobody from the cast was bombarded.

As we drove, we discussed how I was going to work out the Jackson thing. Completely sick of having that be the number one thing on everybody's mind, I blurted out that Kellan had a thing for Suzy and she wasn't biting. Immediately, Juanita launched into her "Kellan is unbelievably gorgeous" and "You could wash your clothes on his abs" speeches while Monkey silently giggled in the back, shaking her head at me via the passenger side visor mirror. I shrugged, thankful that I was able to just get off the Jackson topic. As we got closer to the venue, I felt the panic start rising again. Suzy asked if I wanted to practice my song in the car, but I shook my head, not wanting to even think about it. I knew I wouldn't forget the words or anything like that since it was my favorite song off the album. I was just deciding to go with my "Avoid at all costs" motto. I had already done that with Jackson. What was one other thing?

When we arrived at the arena, Suzy and I quickly said goodbye to the girls and bolted from the car, knowing we would have to be whisked in with the cast. I was expecting Agent Security Blanket and a slew of other bodyguards to walk us in, precious cargo and all, but we were only met by a couple of ushers who simply guided us to the VIP section.

They introduced themselves as Gabby and Camille, offering warm smiles. I noticed the hint of excitement in their eyes as they looked over the group. When their gaze landed on Suzy and I, it quickly turned to a mixture of confusion and maybe some jealousy. I couldn't blame them. I woulda felt the same if I were them. They guided us to the VIP area, extending their arms toward the seats, and wished us all a great show.

The section itself was pretty intimate. There were three rows of seats, ten seats per row. In front of each row was a thin slab that had cup holders. Facing the stage, we were off to the left in an upper section that was only accessible through the door we had just walked through. Off to the right was a private bathroom. Behind the third and final row was an area filled with nothing. I guess it was put there in case people wanted to stand and/or dance instead of sit during a show.

The floor of the venue was already packed with fans, all of them screaming and chanting. It was unbelievably loud, and I couldn't believe that I had actually made it this far into the evening without having to throw up again.

_There's always that private bathroom._

We hadn't been in our seats for more than five minutes when another usher entered through the door. She informed us that her name was Kimberly and that she would be in charge of bringing us our drinks. As everyone decided what they wanted to order, I couldn't help but notice the beams of lustiness she was shooting at Jackson. I couldn't blame her, knowing the effect he has on everyone in the universe. Ms. Kimberly, however, kept staring at him and licking her lips. I was two seconds away from saying something but I stopped myself, knowing I had no claim over Jackson and would definitely out myself. I settled for giving her a death glare, my back to Hottie McGreenEyes so he couldn't see. She must've felt the weight of my fierceness, because she finally caught my eye. I continued to give her the look, the one that Suzy said could make people spontaneously combust, and I threw my hair over my shoulder dramatically. I heard her clear her throat as she began to write down everyone's order. I was planning on just having a beer, but after a sideways glance from Suzy, I decided against it, knowing that I would have to sober up by the time I made my way backstage. Kimberly offered me a sheepish smile as she finished writing and walked away.

_I get where you're coming from, girl, but I'm not afraid to cut a bitch if necessary._

I could hear the sounds of instruments being played, indicating that the opening band was getting ready for their set, and it brought me back to the fact that I had been down there less than twelve hours ago.

Luckily, sound check earlier that day, the source of the horrific morning throw up session, had gone fairly smoothly sans my actual singing. I got pretty lucky that Kings Of Leon wasn't there to participate in said sound check with me since they had interviews and other rock god shit to do. I could just imagine the report that had gotten back to them, though. Sound check was an experience I was hoping I could remove from my memory via laser surgery… or head trauma. It was horrific, to say the least. It took the band restarting the song _twice _for me to be able to sing. I gripped the microphone and its stand for dear life. I had my eyes closed the entire time, and my voice was barely a whisper. Suzy was standing off to the side, watching the whole thing go down. I was pitchy and sweating and on the verge of tears the entire time. That amount of fuckery and with only maybe fifteen people in the area. How I was going to handle _thousands_ of people, I had no clue.

I was to get a text message from a PA about thirty minutes before I was to hit the stage, and then someone would personally come get me and walk me down to the backstage area fifteen minutes later. I had never been more afraid of my phone before that moment.

I took a seat in the final row next to Suzy. She was sitting next to Ashley who was next to Jackson. Everybody else took up the first two rows and was talking to one another. Kristen, who was sitting in the front row with Rob, turned around and mouthed, "Are you still okay?" I laughed and nodded my head. Her eyes suddenly glanced to my right, and I followed her gaze to find Jackson whispering like a madman to Ashley. She, in turn, began whispering to Suzy. When they were done, I asked Suzy what the hell was going on, but she just said that it was nothing and I shouldn't worry. I resisted the urge to poke out one of her perfect green eyes with my index finger.

By the time The Walkmen took the stage, I had sobered up enough to enjoy their opening act. I _really_ tried to not look Jackson's way every five seconds, but I couldn't help myself. Every so often, we'd make eye contact but I'd break it and pretend I was attempting to say something to Suzy. When he didn't catch me ogling him, I noticed that he wasn't really paying attention to the show. He seemed distracted, and I felt fucking guilty as shit for possibly being the reason why he wasn't enjoying one of the few nights out he would be able to have.

I lost all train of thought the moment the opening act left the stage. The closer Kings Of Leon got to performing, the faster my breathing became. I was sweating like a prostitute in church. I was debating whether I should just tell the PA that I wouldn't be singing. I _knew_ that I couldn't stand to be the epic fail I was sure to be. It was bad enough that I would demonstrate my lack of actual talent in front of thousands of people, let alone in front of Jackson, the one person I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of.

"Stop freaking out. And stop hurting my hand!"

I looked over at Suzy and realized I had grabbed her hand and was crushing the shit out of it. I quickly let go and gave her an apologetic smile.

"You're gonna be fine. I promise. You always make things out to be worse than they really are," she said.

"Are you talking about what I have to do tonight or Jackson?" I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and nodded her head, not really giving me the answer I was looking for. I was about to ask her what exactly she was referring to, but the loud cheering that suddenly erupted drowned out everything in my brain.

Kings Of Leon had taken the stage and were playing the opening chords to their first song, "Notion." I immediately jumped to my feet, screaming and clapping, following my personal rule of never sitting down at a concert. I knew I had about an hour before I was set to take the stage. I decided then that I would enjoy the show as much as I could, that I would worry about singing when the PA came to get me. From "Notion" to "Taper Jean Girl" to "Milk" to "Crawl" and everything in between, I danced and fangirled like it was my last day on Earth.

As I watched the guys, especially Caleb, do what they do, I became unbelievably jealous. Singing was the one thing I had always wanted to do, to be up on stage and sing my own songs. The money and the fame didn't mean anything to me. I mean, sure, being rich and famous would be the icing on the cake, but that's not what it was about for me. It was about having the ability to just stand there, on stage, watching the faces of the people who had come to watch me and enjoy the music that I had created. I knew I had no singing talent, but that hadn't stopped other people.

_Britney Spears, I loathe you._

I made an executive decision to not think about any of that as the concert went on, wanting to at least enjoy myself as an audience member. Once I had put all my drama aside, I actually had a great time. As the show continued, my phone kept banjoing, texts from Juanita and Monkey telling me I would do great and to not worry so much.

_I love you girls, but you really have too much faith in me._

Right after "Crawl" ended, I got a text from the PA. Right before "Sex On Fire" started, I got another text from her, letting me know she was outside the VIP door.

"Alright," I announced as I started walking out of the row. "Time for me to go make out with Caleb."

"You're not really gonna try it, are you?" Nikki asked.

"I'll never have this chance again, so I might as well try," I explained to her though I was really speaking to myself.

Everybody laughed and offered words of encouragement, Kellan letting me know that he wouldn't let me sit in jail too long before he would finally decide to bail me out. Suzy gave me a hug and whispered that I would be amazing, maybe even surprising myself. As I got closer to the door, I looked back at everyone's smiling face. Jackson was out of his seat, hands in his pockets, sporting a sad smile. I smiled back and prayed that after my shitstorm of a performance and we talked everything out, we would still be friends. I heard Kristen call my name, breaking my little moment with Jackson. Still sitting down, she had twisted her body so it was half-facing me.

"Good luck," she said seriously.

"Thanks. I'll need it."

And with that, I walked out but not before Suzy shoved my purse at me and mumbled something about not being so glowy. The PA, Carol, met me and pretty much rushed me downstairs, through the lobby, and into a door that was secured by really big guys and their even bigger muscles. She supervised another PA, Katie, who began putting a microphone pack into the back of my jeans and an ear piece into my right ear. Carol gave me instructions as to what I should do should the pack fail, the same information I was given earlier that day at sound check. I realized then that she had been the PA from sound check, and I wondered if she was saying a silent prayer to baby Jesus that I not screw up this experience for the audience and embarrass the band. I waited off to the side, out of view of the audience until the Followill hotties finished "The Bucket." As the song was winding down, I reached into my purse and pulled out my compact. Checking the tiny mirror, I realized Suzy was talking about how shiny my face had become. Certainly all that dancing and fangirling earlier had worked a number on my make-up. I quickly fixed what needed fixing and put my make-up bag back into my purse. When the last chord faded out, the color of the lights changed, and my body began to immediately shake.

"As you guys know, every show we have a contest winner come up and sing with us. So, to join us for our next song, please welcome Iris," Caleb spoke.

I took a deep breath, praying to God I didn't trip or throw up in front of everyone, and stepped up on the stage, Carol's warm hand pushing lightly on my back as she tugged my Mariah purse away from me, not realizing I was just about to walk out on stage with it. I walked across, making little to no eye contact with the group, and placed my shaking left hand on the microphone, facing the audience but not really paying attention to anything.

During sound check, I had asked if my microphone could be on the left side of the stage. I couldn't even think about standing in the middle. In my own twisted mind, the fact that the microphone was off to the side would give the audience more of an incentive to focus on the band instead of me.

Suddenly, the lights on the stage went out, leaving us all in pitch black. I then heard the first note of the song and immediately turned my back to the audience to face the rock gods I was about to sing with. As the opening guitar notes were played, a single navy blue light pulsed in sync with it, casting Caleb in this eerie glow. The crowd _roared_, acknowledging their love for one of the latest album's most popular songs. When Nathan came in, another navy blue light came on, mimicking the beat of his drums while it shone on him. When Matthew's searing guitar came in, a third navy blue light faded in and out, matching the tone. As much as I wanted to find out how the fourth light was set to come in for the bass, I turned back toward the crowd. As it came closer for me to come in and start the first verse, I closed my eyes and gripped the microphone with both hands.

_Stranded in the spooky town  
Stop lights are swaying and the phone lines are down  
The floor is crackling cold  
She took my heart, I think she took my soul  
With the moon I run  
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun_

As the break began to play, something happened I absolutely didn't expect. The crowd went motherfucking _crazy_. I pulled my mouth away from the microphone and let out a shaky breath. When I did that, it seemed like every nervous feeling I had changed to excitement. My body was no longer shaking. I was thinking clearly. I don't know exactly what the hell had happened, but despite that I still felt as though I had no business being on that stage, I actually smiled. I let my right hand drop from its death grip and took another deep breath.

_Driven by the strangle of vein  
Showing no mercy, I'd do it again  
Open up your eye  
You keep on crying, baby, I'll bleed you dry  
The skies, they blink at me  
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea_

I pulled my mouth away from the microphone again and dipped my head to try and hide my smile. I went back to the microphone, continuing on.

_And it's coming closer_

Without even consciously thinking about it, my body began to move. On the word "Coming," my hips moved from left to right with the beat and then circled, ending in a dip.

_And it's coming closer_

My right hand had slid from the microphone itself and moved down the stand as I bent my knees and slightly threw my head back.

As the third verse was about to kick in, I straightened my body, keeping my legs separated a bit to give me a strong stance. I knew that the words I was about to sing could easily have been written for me about Jackson. And because of that, I sang them with much more emotion that I meant to.

_You shimmy shook my bone  
Leaving me stranded, all in love on my own  
Do you think of me?  
Where am I now, baby, where do I sleep?  
Feels so good, but I'm old  
Two thousand years of chasing, taking its toll_

Knowing that this was the last time I would sing the chorus, I braced myself.

_And it's coming closer_

As before with the chorus, my hips moved in time with the beat, ending in a dip again.

_And it's coming closer_

Just as if I was on repeat, my hand moved back down the stand as I slightly threw my head back and held out the note.

_And it's coming closer_

I tapped the heel of my right shoe in time with the beat of the drums, rolled my hips, and shook my head enough that my hair fluttered around my face.

_And it's coming closer_

My body swayed to the beat, and I had dragged my hands up my body, landing on my shoulders, gripping them. By the time I had finished singing the end note, I had thrown my head back, my chest heaving from excitement.

I stayed that way for a few seconds, calming myself down. It all went to shit when the crowd freaked the fuck out and screamed like I had never heard them before. I felt the shit-eating grin on my face begin to form, head still tilted back. I opened my eyes finally, and knowing that I couldn't stay that way, I grabbed the microphone with my left hand again and turned to face the band as they jammed. I noticed that the entire stage was bathed in the same navy blue light as before, giving the stage an eerie feeling that went really well with the tone of the song. My right heel was still tapping with the beat of Nathan's drums and stayed that way until the song ended. Just as suddenly as before, the lights cut out and I was back to staring into the darkness.

I heard the crowd scream and clap, and I was thankful that the lights were still out so they couldn't see my face in its embarrassing shade of red. But because God loves to laugh at my expense, the lights on the stage came up just as I was letting go of the microphone and preparing to make a run for it. I didn't know what to do now that I wasn't holding on to my life line, so I turned toward the band and clapped at how amazing they were. What I didn't expect was to have Caleb, Jared, Matthew, and Nathan, standing up from his drum seat, looking right at me, smiling and clapping. I nearly fainted at the sight. That shit-eating grin came back in full force, and my head fell forward out of sheer embarrassment.

"Let's hear it for Iris," Caleb said, being mellow as ever.

I turned to face the crowd, ready to just give a quick bow and book it when I noticed that they were screaming and clapping and smiling _for me_. They were looking right at me. It was like I had stepped into an alternate universe where everyone was my friend. As I took in all of the faces, the nervousness that was nowhere to be found during my actual performance hit me like a fucking freight train. I gave a small bow and turned to walk off the stage, giving a small wave to the Followills as I quickly exited the stage.

When I got to the backstage area, Katie grabbed my pack and gave me a huge smile. I guess she was just happy that I hadn't thrown up all over the band or myself. I smiled back, thankful for small miracles, and began walking out and back to my rightful place with the rest of the audience. Carol had two other PAs walk me out of the backstage area, one of them handing me my purse back as soon as we hit the giant wall of muscles also known as bodyguards. They walked with me past them and through the lobby, telling me I did a great job. I couldn't help but snicker at their obvious attempts to make me feel better after the disastrous moment I had onstage. I practically ran back to the VIP area. Despite how badly I had performed, I smiled the entire way, knowing that I had just experienced one of the greatest moments of my life.

_Now all you have to do is deal with the group… and Jackson._

* * *

_**Numero Dos – Number two**_

_**Pinche – Stupid bitch**_

_**Quincenera – Latina's female 15th birthday celebration**_

_**Oyes – Listen**_

_**Nada – Nothing**_

_**Estas Loca – You're crazy**_

_**Telenovela – Spanish TV soap opera**_

_**Pendeja – Stupid bitch**_

**Reviews are like pretending to sing with Kings of Leon while Jackson watches: WHAT?!  
**


	13. Cold Desert, Part Two

__**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / TCTgBC  
**

* * *

_Why the hell did I hurry back?_

I don't know how long I stood outside the VIP door and debated going in. I was so nervous about what I would find on the other side that the Werther's I had popped into my mouth during the walk back was already gone.

_Who knew tongues could fidget?_

I must've reached for the handle and retracted my arm a zillion times. I could tell the bodyguard dude stationed outside of it to keep the girlies out of reach was shooting me weird looks.

"Are you going in?" Kirsten asked.

"Eventually," I sighed.

I reached back into my purse and pulled out my make-up bag, fixing whatever damage the hot lights of the stage had done. When I was done, I took a deep breath and straightened the Mariah bag onto my shoulder.

"We have to run," Sunny began as she checked her phone. "Enjoy the rest of the show."

I smiled as they both left the area, leaving me with the wall of muscle to my right. I shot him a pleading look, hoping he would drag me outta the area as if I had suddenly proclaimed that Rob was the father of my unborn child and I was there to confront him about it. Instead, I hesitantly reached for the door handle and opened it. I kept my head down as I walked in and closed it. I looked up and froze. While Rob and Bryce were intently watching the show, everyone else didn't look too happy with me. I noticed that Jackson had taken his hair out of the ponytail he was sporting earlier, making the look he was giving me just that much more intense. I started to wring my hands together again, and I decided that I would be the one to break the silence.

"Um, hi?"

"You are such a lying sack of shit!"

"Hi to you, too, Kristen," I laughed, walking over and dumping my bag into my seat.

"You told me you couldn't sing."

"I can't."

She plastered on a bitch face, and I felt oddly privileged to be on the receiving end.

"You knew what she was doing?" Ashley asked her.

As she and Kristen started talking about how she came to find out, Kristen making light of my panic attack, Suzy flashed her pearly whites at me.

"I can't believe it. If I didn't know better, I'd say you've been doing that forever."

"What the hell are you talking about? Just because that was half a notch above soundcheck doesn't mean I was anywhere close to being decent," I countered.

As Suzy and I continued to lightly argue, I kept glancing over her shoulder to look at Jackson. His expression still hadn't changed. I couldn't figure out if he was angry or disgusted or what. I could only guess that he was upset I had ruined the concert with my attempt at being a rock star.

_I get it, dude. That sucked. Sorry I ruined the concert experience for you._

As Suz and I began to sit down, Kings Of Leon was in the middle of "On Call," making me realize that I hadn't taken as long as I thought to hurry and wait before I walked into the VIP section.

For the next minute and a half, most of the group was either telling me how great I had been while the others were yelling at me for keeping it a secret. I tried to tell them about my disappointment theory, but I kept getting shut down. I didn't understand what the hell the big deal was. I just wanted to apologize for ruining their concert-going experience.

Rob turned around and handed me a beer bottle.

"You deserve this. I ordered you two, by the way. You have some catching up to do," he laughed.

I laughed along with him, leaning forward to clink our bottles together, and took a big swig of my beer. Suddenly, Suzy pulled out her phone and showed me the screen.

"You recorded it?!" I screeched, thankful I hadn't spewed beer all over her phone.

"Of course I did. You think I would let you sing on stage with Kings Of Leon and not have something to let you remember it by?"

"I think I'm gonna throw up," I mumbled.

"Don't just yet. Juanita, Monkey, Ashley, and Nikki recorded it, too. I think Juanita's already posting it to YouTube."

I groaned and threw my head into my hands, hoping the world would just swallow me up. I didn't stay in that position for very long, though. "Cold Desert," my second favorite song from the album, was just beginning. The moment the opening chords began to play, I placed my beer in the holder and shot up outta my seat. I sighed dreamily and clasped my hands together under my chin. Suzy saw the far away look in my eye and snorted, standing up with me and indulging my inner-happily ever after moment feelings.

The song hadn't been played for more than fifteen seconds when I felt something warm on my left hand. I looked down and found a beautiful set of fingers wrapping themselves around it. I followed the arm, knowing full-well who it belonged to, and startled as Jackson began pulling me out of the aisle. He held my hand as he led me around the chairs and to the area that was completely empty. I had to fight every urge I had to interlock my fingers with his or simply pull away.

I had no idea what he was doing. We hadn't spoken to each other in an entire day, though it seemed like forever to me. I couldn't help but think that his hand was warm and soft and how I wanted him to hold it for as long as time would allow. I kept my eyes from floating to his ass. It was quite marvelous to be so close to that puppy but I didn't want him to catch me staring… or drooling.

We finally came to a stop, and while I wanted nothing more than to look up at him and ask him what he wanted, I simply looked over to the group. They were all still sitting down, but they had twisted their bodies so they were facing us. The girls all had looks of complete and utter glee, Taylor looked confused, and Rob and Kellan simply smirked. Xavier and Bryce were the only ones actually paying attention to the concert. When they realized they had been caught doing whatever it was they were doing, the girls quickly turned around and faced the stage while Rob and Kellan whispered something to Taylor.

I slowly moved my head from their direction and mustered up the _ganas_ to face Jackson. When my eyes found his face, he had this look of determination on it. I don't know what he could've been determined to do at that point other than to tell me that I was a bitch and he wanted to end our friendship for good.

Before I could ask him what was going on, he let go of my left hand and placed his right on my hip. I don't know why but my hand instinctively went to his upper arm and gripped it. His left hand took my right so he was holding it and brought them up to rest on his chest. The height of the heels had me at eye-to-mouth level with him, and, at that moment, I thanked his parents for having sex that night and creating him. His lips deserved their own monument.

He pulled me out of my idea of asking him to let me make a cast of his lips to wear around my neck as jewelry by pulling me closer to him. With the exception of where our hands were on his chest, we were totally up against one another. I fought every urge I had to just run. I knew I fucked up with how I had chosen to ask him to not be so nice to me anymore, and though he was completely violating his agreement to do that by holding me the way he was, I wanted to apologize to him. Hell, maybe I could just simply tell him how I felt and let that be the end all to our weird tension situation. I definitely didn't want our friendship to end, but he had to know where I was coming from or I would simply burst.

He began to rock left to right, and that's when I realized that he wanted to dance. I stood there motionless for a couple of seconds before he squeezed my hip, and I began to dance with him. He rested his head on the left side of my face and I could hear him humming along to the song, his breath making me get all goose-pimply despite how warm it was.

I could hear Caleb's singing, his emotions feeding the moment for me.

At that second, I wanted to tell him everything and nothing. I wanted to tell him that I was a bitch the night before, because I was starting to go all wiggy because of my feelings for him. I wanted him to know that he couldn't be so friendly toward me, because it made my heart wanna jump out of my chest. Most of all, though, I simply wanted to say, "I like you." He had this effect on me, which I'm sure he had on a good portion of planet Earth, and I didn't know how to deal with it at that moment. We had never held hands. We had never been that close to one another, except for the time we were in the bathtub together after Kellan's prank. We hadn't done anything to remotely suggest anything other than friendship. So, it seemed silly to me to wanna express my feelings to him and probably catch him off guard. Just as I was about to begin to pull away so I could face him and tell him everything, I felt his hand slowly slide from my hip to my lower back. His hold was strong, and it made me want to do nothing but pass the fuck out. I tried to lean my head back to look him in the eye and ask him what the hell he was doing, but he took a deep breath, the noise loud as fuck, and I lost my train of thought.

"How do you feel about me?"

_Ho. Ly. Shit. Fuck._

I stopped dancing. Fuck, I basically stopped breathing. We hadn't said one word to each other in twenty-four hours, and this is what he started off with? I kept looking straight ahead, over his shoulder. He finally stopped moving though he didn't release his death grip on me. I tried to come up with every single thing I could say to him, both positive and negative. I could tell him I liked him, or I could tell him I simply saw him as a friend. The former would more than likely end our friendship, him not wanting to deal with the weird girl's feelings, and the latter would be a lie, though it would keep him in my life until I left Vancouver. I debated telling him nothing and yet telling him everything. I was so confused and worried as to how he would respond to each and every answer I could give him. I had no idea why he was asking me this question other than to try and make reason of the fuckery I had pulled the night before.

It was then I realized that I had no choice _but_ to be honest with him. I had to be completely and totally open with him about what I was feeling and thinking. It would cost me his friendship, and while I didn't know how I would deal with that, I would at least go back to New York with a clear mind. I was going all out, balls to the wall with what I was about to say.

I pulled my chest away from his enough to where I could look into his eyes. I tried taking a step back, but his hold was freakishly death-grippy and wouldn't let me. I searched his face for any sign that he might've been joking around. When I found none, I took a deep breath.

"Most of what I know about you, I like," I started, pretty much mumbling.

I saw the beginnings of a smile on his beautiful lips.

"But," I continued, watching as his smile instantly fell, "that's all from the _Twilight_ stuff."

I removed my right hand from his.

"I want to know what's going on up here," I said as I moved my free hand up to his head and placed my fingertips on his left temple.

Caleb's pleading voice wasn't helping out my nerves, but "Cold Desert" was amazing mood music.

"I wanna hear what's going on up there from here," I shakily said as I dragged my fingers down his face to his mouth, placing them on his bottom lip.

Up until this point, I hadn't looked him in the eye as I talked. Through my eyelashes, I looked up into his eyes. He was doing that staring thing again. My breathing instantly picked up and I could feel my body, especially the fingers on his lip, start to tremble. I thought about just ending it there, but then I would know that I had half-assed my confession. My heart and our friendship deserved it all. I quickly looked back down, and with the same determination I had the night before to face him, I gathered everything within me to say my final statement.

"Most importantly," I continued, moving my hand away from his lip, "I wanna know how you feel in here."

My hand continued to move down, past his jaw, as my fingertips barely grazed down his throat. I dragged it further until it settled over where his heart was. I spread my fingers out over the area and stared at my hand, wondering if my words were going to backfire on me. I saw his chest move up and down quickly as if he was having trouble breathing. I wanted so badly to look at him, to see his eyes and hopefully find some recognition of just how difficult that was for me so he could have pity and mercy by not ending our friendship. I chickened the fuck out, though, and just stood there.

After a few seconds, his hand moved from my lower back to the middle and pushed me back into his body. His left hand, no longer having its hold on my right since I began spewing my feelings to him, replaced where his other had just vacated and settled on my lower back. He began dancing again, rocking from left to right. I started to feel like I was going to faint and both my hands immediately gripped his elbows to keep me from falling over. He was leading every move I made, and I had no choice but to rock back and forth with him. He moved his head back to the side of my face, and I could feel his breath again as his mouth was almost in direct contact with my skin.

_God, I hope I don't smell or anything_.

After mere seconds of simply dancing, both of us as silent as that episode of _Buffy_ when The Gentlemen came to Sunnydale and stole everyone's voices, I mentally began to panic. I wanted to know what he thought of my little confession. I wanted to know if we could still be friends. I wanted to know if he could still stand to be around me and not feel weird.

I wanted to know how he felt about me.

I stopped dead in my tracks and moved my hands up to grasp his arms. At my movement, he stopped dancing, too. Staring over his shoulder, I closed my eyes and did this panic breathing thing I couldn't help. I guess he could sense that I was freaking out, because he fisted my shirt in the places where his hands were at my back.

Caleb was still there, singing his heart out, and I took his words as a boost for what I wanted to ask Jackson.

I took a deep breath in and moved my mouth to his ear, so he would have no problem hearing the question I desperately wanted an answer to.

_How do _you_ feel about _me_?_

"How do you _want_ me to feel about you?"

_You're such a chicken shit, Iris!_

Slowly but surely, he moved his head away from mine. He had moved far enough away that I could drop my head, absolutely terrified of what he would say or how he would react. I was digging my fingers into his arms out of both fear and hope.

Suddenly, I felt something nudging my chin up. With my eyes still closed, I couldn't tell what exactly it was but I was guessing it was Jackson's hand since the touch was warm and my body was going into overdrive. I let my head be guided by his direction, praying he would just use his charm to let me down slowly and gently.

I finally opened my eyes and found him staring right back at me. My eyes glanced from left to right, back and forth between the green that were his. His eyes did the same until they began glancing down at something, shifting between whatever it was and my eyes. I was so close to his face, concentrating on what his eyes were trying to tell me, I didn't notice that he was leaning forward, closer and closer to me. Realization finally hit me when his nose nudged mine and I felt his breath on my mouth. And that's when it happened.

He kissed me.

He took my upper lip between his and stayed that way for a second. All I could do was stay frozen. He pulled his lips back a little but went back in again.

I nearly peed myself.

Rather than have an accident, which I figured would _totally_ ruin the moment, I simply stayed put. But not for long. His hands, those glorious beings, began to move. He moved the one that was under my chin and trailed it, skimming along the skin of my neck, til he was holding the back of my head. His left moved around on my lower back, finding a belt loop on the waistband of my jeans. I could feel the pressure of his fingers as he moved a couple into it. As if it was even possible, he pulled my body closer to his.

When he finally began pulling away as he did before, I began to open my mouth to ask him what the fuck he was thinking. This pretty much violated his whole notion to stop being so friendly. I mean, no wonder his female cast was so happy! If this is how he was with all of his friends, I'd be giddy, too. I was completely unable to ask my question, because he took the opportunity my open mouth gave him and moved on to my lower lip.

That pretty much did it.

I finally allowed my eyes to close and take in the moment. I would worry about the consequences later.

Feeling his upper lip between the both of mine made something in my chest explode. Before I realized what I was doing, I was kissing him back. I took that magical upper lip of his and relished the fact that, for whatever reason, he was letting my lips touch it. Maybe I was hallucinating, but I coulda sworn he stopped kissing me for a split second and smiled against my mouth. Just as quickly as it had happened, though, it stopped. He went right back to kissing me, pushing his mouth harder against mine.

It seemed like my body was doing its very best to betray me, because out of nowhere, my fingers were grabbing his hair. My arms had gone up, around his neck, and latched themselves into those glorious locks. I don't know how long we kissed for. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. My heart was beating out of control and –

_Oh, my God. Is that his tongue?!_

I felt a trail of wetness move along my bottom lip, and having no control over myself, I opened my mouth and let him in. I could taste the whiskey he had at the house. I could taste the beer he had earlier during the concert. His tongue was warm and soft, totally gliding along with mine. I couldn't help it, but I whimpered. He then tilted his head to the right and deepened the kiss even more.

Matthew's guitar and Nathan's drums were feeding my need for Jackson.

Jackson moaned. He fucking _moaned_ into my mouth, and I felt my legs start to give way. Just then, the crowd cheered and roared and generally freaked out as they had with the end of every song the band played.

It was enough to shove me back into reality.

I began to pull away, letting my fingers unweave themselves from his hair, and my arms fall from where they were. His grip on me loosened. I took a couple of steps back, thankful that I had moved so quickly he couldn't continue his death grip. Without even thinking, my hand came up and touched my lips. I closed my eyes, trying to settle my breathing, and allowed myself 2.7 seconds to revel in the feel of the throbbing. When my moment was over, I opened my eyes but was scared to death to look at Jackson. I didn't know if he was drunk, lost in the moment, or was pretending I was someone else. Honestly, I didn't really wanna know. It happened. I had to deal with it. And I knew it would basically cost me his friendship.

Before either one of us could say anything, I immediately turned around and headed right back to my seat, not once glancing up to see if someone from the group had noticed what had happened in those five minutes.

Five minutes. That was all it took for me to be stupid and Jackson to rip my heart out.

I still had my hand on my mouth like an idiot. I didn't want to believe that the alcohol had been a factor in why he did what he did. I didn't want to believe that he might've been imagining someone else in my place. I didn't want to believe that he had simply gotten caught up in the moment. But there was no other reason for him to kiss me. None.

I was about to book it to the bathroom when "Use Somebody" started. Suzy leaned over to me and was saying something I couldn't hear thanks to the screeching and squealing of the audience below us. I shook my head to let her know that I hadn't heard her. She leaned closer, placing her mouth right next to my ear.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head again.

"That looked pretty intense."

"You saw?" I asked, completely embarrassed.

"Hate to tell you this, _mija_, but we all did. I think Rob may have even squeed a little," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

I was about to tell her what I was feeling when Nikki, Taylor, and Kellan jumped up from their seats and walked toward me. Taylor grabbed me by the hand and started pulling me out my chair. I started to shake my head and pull back so I could stay in my seat.

"Oh, no. You got me to dance yesterday, so now it's your turn," he laughed.

I quietly chuckled and let him walk me out of the aisle. The three of them led me back to the area where Jackson and I had just come from. Suddenly, like those little monkeys with cymbals that just don't know when to stop, they began to sing and dance to the song like psych patients rocking out to a tune that only existed in their heads. I realized that they were probably just trying to take my mind off of what had happened, my face obviously giving me away, and I loved them for it. It was just… How do you not stare when three of the world's most famous people are jumping up and down and singing off-key at the top of their lungs?

I burst into hysterical laughter. Before I could help myself, I jumped in there with them, being just as obnoxiously loud. Without managing to break my heels or my ankles, I was jumping up and down, going around in circles, to the beat of the song. When I finally stopped, completely winded, I realized that Suzy and Ashley had joined us. Suzy, for all the shit she gives me about acting like a five year old, was doing a damn great impression of one.

As we danced and sang, I tried not to pay attention to the meaning of the lyrics. They would only bring me back to what had happened between Jackson and I, and I didn't wanna ruin this exact moment with my stupidity or his drunkenness. Because I'm a masochist, I tried to casually look over to where Jackson was sitting. His body was turned toward us, and he looked completely confused. I'm talking confused like Megan Fox trying to do long division confused. He kept glancing back and forth from his friends to me. I don't know why, but it bothered me.

When the song finished, we turned our attention toward the stage, clapping and whistling for the band. We knew there was going to be an encore so we settled back into our seats, smiling and giggling. After a couple of minutes, Suzy pulled out her phone.

"I want you to see this. I could tell you that you were amazing until I'm blue in the face, but you wouldn't believe me. You have to see it for yourself."

I didn't wanna see the video. Having concrete, hardcore evidence of just how badly I had been made me wanna eat my feelings, cheesecake and white chocolate being the main courses. But my curiosity got the better of me. I took the phone and started the video. The sound was pretty garbled for a bit, the noise of the audience almost too much, but then I heard Caleb's voice introducing me. I watched as I walked out on stage, obviously nervous, and then the lights went out. The light sequence was absolutely amazing, much better than the view I had as the video allowed for an almost panoramic shot. Because I had closed my eyes as I started singing, I didn't notice that the navy blue light had engulfed the entire stage by the time the first verse came in. Then I heard my voice. As I thought, I sounded horrible. I quickly stood up and started pacing. When I had finished with the first verse, remembering how the crowd roared, I noticed how the nerves had seemed to just instantly lift from me, the weight of the world no longer on my shoulders. The person on the stage was no longer me. I didn't even recognize her.

"I told you. It's like you transformed," I heard Suzy say.

"How long have you been singing?"

I looked up to see Ashley smiling at me.

"My whole life, but I've never done it in front of anybody," I mumbled.

"You're kidding, right?" she asked.

"It almost takes half a bottle of hard liquor to get her to open up sometimes. I've only heard her sing sober twice before tonight. She's great, right?" Suzy beamed.

"Don't listen to her," I began. "She's got best friend blinders on."

"Hey!"

I looked up and found Kristen standing in front of me, bitch face and all.

"You were great. You sounded amazing. Learn to take a fuckin compliment."

"I'll take one when I know it's truthful."

"Don't bother," Suzy sighed. "I've been trying to tell her for years, but she just won't listen."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged, not realizing that our entire group was now huddled around me, listening to our bickering as we half-watched the video.

"I wish you would've told me what you were going to do," I heard Jackson say.

"I didn't want anybody to know," I whispered, not lifting my eyes to look at him. "Death by humiliation isn't something I care to partake in."

I wanted everyone to stop talking about it like it was the second coming of Christ, because I just couldn't deal with any more spotlight. Fortunately, my phone banjoed with a text from Juanita. _Un_fortunately, it was a link to the video of the performance she posted on YouTube. I was ready to toss my baby into my Mariah purse and be done with it all, hoping the damn encore would start and free me of the bubble, but I received another text.

_Quit bitching and just watch the damn thing – J_

I groaned out loud as everyone who had read the message over my shoulder laughed. Nikki reached toward my phone and clicked on the link, giving me her "I defy you" face. I began to bite on the inside of my cheek as I waited for the video to load. When it did, I almost dropped my phone. The view Juanita and Monkey had was spectacular. You could see the entire stage, and there were very few concert-goers' heads in the shot. Caleb went through the intro, I walked out on stage, and started the song. Knowing I sounded like a cat being thrown from the top of a building, I chose not to pay attention to the audio and focused on what I looked like. Because of the closeness of the view, you could tell how nervous I was. Even still, it was much more evident just how the nervousness had left me after I finished the first verse. I noticed then that my entire body, unbeknownst to me, had actually began moving to the beat of the song much earlier than I had realized when I was on stage. My heel had begun tapping to the beat then and not later toward the end of the song as I remembered. While I still had one hand gripped on the microphone, I looked almost calm. Maybe, just maybe, I looked in my element. Just when I thought I was having an okay moment, the third verse began. Remembering how I thought it was pretty fucking appropriate for Jackson at the time, I started to tense as I tried not to listen. I became a ball of nerves when I heard just how much emotion I had put into it. It wasn't overly done or anything, but it was obvious that there was something going on with those words for me. I started to fidget, nervously wondering if everyone knew what had been going through my head during that verse. I risked a glance at The Pretty out of the corner of my eye. The dude could teach a class in staring, I'm sure. He stopped the staring thing long enough to plant that leg-spreading smirk on his face. I instantly went back to watching the video, because I would rather watch my demise than to fall victim to his mouth again, given the circumstances.

The video ended, and I had to stand there and take the compliments being thrown my way. I groaned and snorted and pretty much tuned them out after a bit. As much respect as I had for their acting, there was no way they could convince me that I had been great on that stage.

The crowd suddenly started screaming and cheering, letting us all know that the Followills were about to start the encore. We all shuffled back to our seats and got back into concert mode. I was happy to just have my mind on anything else. When "Manhattan" came on, however, Suzy and I flipped our lids and swayed to the music. We obnoxiously sang along, giggling like teenagers when the "Kiss these thighs" lyric came up. It had only been a couple of weeks since I left New York but I was seriously missing it, and I think Suzy could tell by just how into the song I was. I was back to being happy and almost free of my worries by the time the song ended.

When the encore ended, the wall of muscle that had been stationed outside the door walked into the VIP area. He, along with several PAs and a couple of other bodyguards, walked us down a staircase I hadn't noticed before and into a hallway that could've easily been on an episode of _Ghost Hunters_. It took us a bit, but we finally made our way to the backstage area.

Part of my winning the contest was a chance to meet the band after the show. I hadn't put two and two together when I agreed to do it, ridiculously happy just to meet them. The thought of meeting them _after_ having sung with them and displaying my non-Mariah Carey abilities never even entered my mind. The cast got to meet them, because well, they were the cast. And I'm sure Rob would've given a three year old a run for his money in the tantrum-throwing department if he hadn't.

As we walked through the doors to the dressing room area, I noticed it was a lot like they make it seem in movies and behind the scenes metal videos. There were a couple of cushy couches, some chairs, a few mirrors, and _a lot _of alcohol. The cast introduced themselves, giving praise and giant smiles, as they shook hands. I could tell Rob was trying to keep his cool but was ready to burst out and sing "Oh, Happy Day" at any given moment. I ended up giggling at my thought and instantly regretted it when the attention focused to me. I cleared my throat and walked over to introduce myself, remembering to do the same for Suzy since she was technically considered my guest.

"That performance was different from what we expected," Nathan began.

"Ahhh. The PAs gave you the lowdown on what happened at soundcheck, huh?" I grimaced.

"We were a little worried, but I'm glad to know they were lying," Caleb smiled.

"They weren't lying. It was pretty bad," Suzy laughed.

"I thought you said, and I quote, 'It wasn't _that_ bad,'" I threw at her.

"If I had told you the truth, you would've jumped on the first plane back to New York before I even had a chance to notice you were gone. You have this thing about avoiding important issues," she replied, glancing in Jackson's general direction.

To keep from going down Rathbone Avenue again, I started recounting the horrific details of soundcheck for the cast so they could know just how badly it was. As shitty as it was to have to embarrass myself like that, I would've rather dealt with that than going over the finer points of just how I had fucked up with Jackson during the concert by kissing him.

"It was nice to hear a different song for a change," Matthew said to Nathan and then turned to look at me. "Most of the contest winners usually pick 'Use Somebody' or 'Sex On Fire.'"

"Yeah, I didn't even think about going there. 'Closer' was always the one I was gonna go with."

"I liked what you did with it. It had a very R&B vocal vibe to it," Caleb said.

"Did it? I don't remember, to be honest," I laughed.

"Yeah. You held out some notes and added a few of your own. It was nice to get a different version than what's on the album. And you have a great voice."

_I think he's been standing in front of high volume speakers too long if he thinks I did a great job._

"Thanks," I mumbled, getting all sorts of embarrassed at the fact that Rock God Followill was falsely praising me. "I'm not a rock chick, as Suzy often tells me, so I guess I just went with what I know."

Fifteen minutes later, we were all into our second or third beers. The Followills were informed by important music peeps that they needed to get going if they were going to make their next show on time. We all said goodbye, Rob enthusiastically shaking their hands. Someone suggested a group picture, which I immediately volunteered to take. Suzy and I hung back as the cast and the Followills huddled together close enough so that they were all in it. I was handing Nikki's camera back to her when she suggested I take one with the band, another something to go with my performance with them. I tried to back out of it, reminding them that the band had to go, but Jared chimed in and said they'd be happy to. I huffed on my walk over to them, absolutely hating when I had to take pictures. I watched as Suzy grabbed my iPhone out of my purse and prepped to take the pic. I stood in the middle, Caleb to my left and Nathan to my right, and tried my best to smile. Suddenly, Kellan gave Jackson a noogie and I burst out laughing. Suzy snapped the picture, and when I saw her give Kellan a high-five, I knew I had been set up. I turned around and thanked them again for being generous enough to share their stage time with me. As we were being escorted out of the dressing room, I got a text from Juanita asking us when we were heading out. I called her, letting her know we were walking out of the dressing room and would be there in just a few minutes.

As we walked back, Suzy and I stayed back behind the group, watching as they all laughed and talked about the concert. Jackson was play fighting with Kellan over the noogie.

"What are you going to do?" Suzy whispered.

"I don't know. Maybe he was too drunk and won't remember it in the morning," I whispered back.

Suddenly, I felt a pinch on my left arm and I instantly stopped walking. I looked up and saw a glare-wearing Suzy, tapping her foot with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ow!" I yelled.

The rest of the group had stopped and turned back to look at us, most with raised eyebrows.

"She pinched me!" I whined.

"Serves you right, _Pendeja_."

We started walking again, me pouting while I rubbed the pinched area, and I noticed Ashley slowed her pace so she was with soon walking with us. Suzy turned to her and said something I couldn't hear.

"What?!"

"Yeah. Drunk," Suzy replied.

"Oh, come on!" Ashley replied, throwing her hands up.

"What are you two bitching about?" I asked.

"Nothing," they replied in unison.

The three of us were silent as we finally made it to the cars. Juanita and Monkey were standing next to the other drivers, and I noticed that they were all watching something on her phone.

"That better not be what I think it is," I warned her.

"Of course it's not," she sarcastically replied.

We all decided that since it was pretty late and Monkey, Juanita, and Suzy had to fly out early in the morning, we would all just go our separate ways. The girls went around and said goodbye to the cast. Juanita actually got a hug from Rob, which I'm sure not only made her squee but would give her happy dreams for the rest of her life.

I stayed back away from both groups as I allowed them to say their farewells. Ashley and Suzy were in a pretty serious convo, but before I could walk over and ask if they were okay, I spotted Juanita and Jackson talking. They were speaking too low for me to make out most of their conversation so I slowly walked toward them, hoping to be undetectable.

"…her, I'll make it so you can't ever have kids," Juanita said as she innocently smiled and lightly tapped Jackson's cheek.

"You got it," he replied, laughing at whatever it was that she had said.

I figured I could just ask her what they were discussing on the ride home. I definitely didn't want to ask her then and there.

Before the girls had a chance to get away from the group, I made use of their distraction and quickly walked over to the car so I could claim shotgun. On my way walk there, I managed to drop my purse and everything that was in it. I quickly got down on my knees, first to check that my precious iPhone was okay, and began to put everything back in. A set of cowboy boots came into my view, and I tensed. I didn't look up at him, but I did notice that he was grabbing the stuff I hadn't managed to get to and began putting them into my bag.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

As I was about to stand up, Jackson placed a hand on mine and squeezed. I sighed and finally lifted my eyes to meet his, watching as he opened his mouth to speak.

"We should talk."

* * *

_**Ganas – Guts/Desire**_

_**Mija – My daughter**_

_**Pendeja – Stupid bitch**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's lips: I can't get enough of em.**


	14. Circles

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / TFmhft**

* * *

The talk? I didn't give him a chance to start it.

The moment the words were out of Jackson's mouth, I panicked. I called the girls over, and I jumped in the car as quickly as I could. Yeah, I was a fucking coward. But I couldn't listen to Jackson apologize to me for the kiss. I didn't need to hear that he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing. I didn't need to hear that he was thinking of some hot punk rock chick he met a week ago.

As Juanita started the car, I glanced up to look at him. He had this look of either sadness or remorse. In that moment, I got it. He did something he hadn't wanted to do.

As we drove back to the house, Juanita instantly started asking me why the hell I was freaking the fuck out.

"He kissed me," I whispered, staring at my purse in my lap.

"So, why the fuck are you in this car with us?" she yelled. "You should be back there, sucking the lips off his face!"

"He was drunk, J. I didn't want to hear him apologize for that shit. It just makes the situation that much more pathetic. It just makes _me_ that much more pathetic."

I felt a hard push on the back of the headrest. I turned around and caught Suzy glaring at me like she wanted me dead.

"What the fuck was that for?" I yelled.

"I can't believe you! I really can't fucking believe you. You finally get what you want and you run. Why do you always do that? You avoid. Rather than deal with something, you avoid it," she seethed.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"He goes to kiss you on Friday, and you block him with the car door. I mention you play the cello because he finds it hot, and you change the subject. He practically has you spread out on the pinball machine, and you bolt. He wants to talk about what happened tonight, and you run faster than a Kenyan track star. You don't like dealing with things that make you uncomfortable."

"Suzy, how else can I fucking say this? He. Was. Drunk. And even if he wasn't, he was probably thinking of some other chick. You really think I need to hear that? You really expect me to stand there and hear him apologize for that shit? You've got to be fucking kidding me."

The rest of the drive home was pretty damn quiet. I would catch Suzy's look of utter "Fuck you" from the visor mirror. When I would turn to look at Monkey, she would simply give me a sad smile. Juanita kept mumbling under her breath. I caught the words s_iega_ and _mensa_ more than once.

When we pulled into the driveway, I instantly bolted from the car. I unlocked the house, leaving my key in the lock, and ran up the stairs and into my room. I face planted onto my bed with the grace of a swan diver.

_I will not cry. I will not cry._

"Iris?"

"Hi, Monkey," I mumbled into my pillow, refusing to lift my head even though I was starting to suffocate.

I heard her sigh and close the door quietly before walking over to the bed. She sat down next to me and spoke in a quick rush.

"I don't know how long we have before they get up here. How you holding up?"

I moved my head to the side so she could make sense of my muffled ramblings.

"He kissed me, Monk. He fucking kissed me. It was everything I wanted and nothing I wanted at the same time. But he was drunk. I'm sure of it. And even if he wasn't, I'm sure there's another reason why he did it."

I face planted into my pillow again. When I finally raised my head to have the ability to breathe, I noticed that an almost perfect imprint of my face, thanks to my make-up, was left on the white pillowcase.

"Okay, now _that's_ scary," Monkey laughed.

"Juanita'll kill me if she sees this," I laughed back.

Monkey and I looked at each other and smiled. I could always count on her to make things better for me. I was removing the pillowcase and about to throw it in the hamper when music started blaring out of the speaker in my room. Monkey lightly laughed as I shook my head. I quickly fixed what I could of my make-up before we made our way downstairs and found Juanita and Suzy lining up shots on the kitchen island.

"Okay, so we were pretty bitchy to you tonight about the Jackson thing," Suzy began.

"We're apologizing for how we went about it, not what we said. We still think you're a dumb bitch who has her head up her ass, but we could've said that in a nice way," Juanita finished.

"Is it possible to say _any_ of that in a nice way?" I asked, laughing hysterically with the girls.

Once we had all calmed down, Suzy handed Monkey and I a shot glass. Monkey threw me a pleading look before Suzy confirmed that it was not Scotch, a liquor Monkey had become too familiar with one evening a few years ago that left her without pants in our college dorm's lounge. She swore it off the morning after when I told her what she had been up to, not being able to remember much of it on her own.

"To Iris getting up on stage and kicking some ass," Juanita said, raising her shot glass.

"To Iris getting up on stage and not throwing up all over herself," I corrected.

We all laughed, clinked, and downed the shot. Before I knew it, our shot glasses had been refilled.

"To Iris finally getting what she wanted," Suzy said seriously.

"And to Jackson for maybe being the one person on the planet who can get through your stubbornness," Juanita added.

"Drunk hot man does not equal someone to get through my thick head," I laughed.

Nobody laughed with me. I internally groaned, knowing I would have to say my peace then and there.

"Can we stop being drama queens for a second? Let's be honest. Iris never gets what she wants. Well, except for that Christmas we slept out on the sidewalk for Saturday Night Live tickets to see Elijah host," I said, holding back a giggle at the memory of us freezing our asses off. "Anyway, it doesn't take a genius to know that Jackson is too pretty for me, even if we forget the fact that he's famous. I'm just me. I can't even get a non-attractive dude to look my way, let alone Mr. I'm Too Fucking Hot For The World To Handle. He and I wouldn't make sense."

Juanita and Suzy starting arguing with me at the same time, eventually raising their voices so I could try and hear one over the other.

"I think Iris needs time to think this over thoroughly."

We all caught some serious whiplash as we turned to face Monkey. She had always been a woman of few words. She only voiced her opinion on things she felt strongly about, though she never did it in more than a raised voice. That moment was monumental. I wished I had my camera.

"I know that you don't think highly of yourself, but here's a news flash: _we_ do. And I'm pretty sure Jackson does, too. He doesn't seem the type to string you along, and he seems to really like you. I know you're scared, but why not give it a shot? If you ask and find out he doesn't feel that way, then at least you know and you can move on from it. If he does like you, then you do a happy dance," she shrugged. "Besides, this group you've managed to make friends with? You owe it to them give them all of Iris, not just a part. They seem like nice people. And they obviously like you or they wouldn't spend so much time with you. I say you should give them all a chance, especially Jackson."

We all stood in silence, knowing that a Monkey speech was equivalent to hearing the wise words of Yoda.

_To Monkey you should listen. _

"What she said," Juanita blurted out.

We all glanced at one another, laughed, and finally took our second shot. As we were clearing the island of all the liquor we had yet to consume, I thought of something I was convinced would solve my problems.

"What if I just went home with you guys tomorrow?" I said as I placed the shot glasses in the sink.

"Fuck that shit! You're not going anywhere."

"And why not, Suz? I did what I came here to do. The concert's over, and I should probably get back to New York and real life. I could just text the group and tell them that I left with you guys. They knew I was only here on a temporary basis. Now's a good time as any. Besides, going home saves me the trouble of embarrassing the shit out of myself with Jackson."

"Mija, you can't run. I know you don't like confrontation unless you're defending one of us, but you have to do this for you," Juanita replied.

"Blah blah blah. I could just up and leave, you know. Maybe this is a sign that I should head home already."

Juanita started to argue, but Suzy quickly put a hand on her arm and interrupted.

"Maybe you're right. Why don't you sleep on it and then come home with us if you still feel the same in the morning," she said seriously.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Juanita," Suzy began, "just let her sleep on it. Speaking of, we should all probably get to bed. It's late, and we have to fly out tomorrow."

I saw Juanita throw Suzy a look of complete confusion, but Suzy just shrugged it off.

We walked out to their rental car to get their overnight bags out of the trunk. I asked them why they hadn't planned on staying longer, but they reminded me that they had work and were only able to take so much time off. I somehow managed to keep the tear ducts from bursting as I thought about just how good they were to me.

Since their flight left around 9am, I woke up at four. I figured it would give me enough time to shower, get ready, pack a bag, and return the rental car at the airport and still somehow manage to get on the same flight as the girls. I planned on finding a packing service to get the rest of my stuff out of Juanita's house when I got back to New York. At 5:30, I made my way downstairs and noticed that the kitchen and living room lights were already on. I walked through the downstairs area and out the front door. When I noticed that the extra rental car was gone, I dropped my bag. I immediately went for my phone, wondering if they had left me a text about going to refill the gas tank before leaving. Nothing. I didn't start panicking until I went back inside and found a note on the island that was apparently addressed to me.

_Dear Stupid Ass,_

_If you really thought we would let you go back home without resolving your shit, those college degrees you earned mean shit. You need to stay! Don't even think about catching up with us, because we're probably already at the airport. We'll call when we get to New York. Sorry to have to do this to you, but you need a swift kick in the ass. We love you anyway._

_Suzy_

_P.S. Return the rental car. I'm making arrangements to have the family car taken out of storage for you to use while you're here. The rental's gotta be getting pretty expensive. I'll call you with more info later. Believe it or not, you staying is for your own good. Love you!_

_Juanita_

_P.P.S. I don't really have much to say, but I felt left out. Monkey Power!_

_Monkey_

Those bitches! They had actually fucking left me. I couldn't believe it. In a last ditch effort, I ran up the stairs and stormed into the rooms they had stayed in. Sure enough, the rooms were empty and surprisingly clean.

"Sunuvabitch," I whispered to myself.

I didn't know what to do. I could've taken off to the airport, but I knew that the girls wouldn't hesitate to call security on my ass. I could stay at the house, but then I'd have to deal with the Jackson situation. I could throw a tantrum, but that wouldn't get me anywhere. I was stuck. It was their way of forcing me to face my demons.

_Rat bastard whores!_

I went back downstairs and locked the front door, grabbing my bag and making my way upstairs. I changed back into my PJs and decided to just go back to sleep. There was no need for me to up at that ungodly hour if I wasn't going anywhere.

I woke up around 10am to my iPhone having a seizure. I missed four calls and nine texts while I was passed out. Three of the four calls were from Jackson, the other being from Suzy threatening bodily harm from the luxury of her First Class seat, courtesy of a Juanita upgrade, if I even thought about trying to follow them. A couple of texts were from Monkey telling me to be strong. The other texts were from various sparkly vampires asking why I had bolted the night before. There was one particular text threatening my ass with a fine kicking if I didn't call back, but I had no idea who it was from so I didn't worry too much about it. I felt bad, but I didn't answer them. I was barely able to have that conversation with the girls, let alone his close friends.

I hopped back in the shower again, feeling yucky after my five hour "nap." After I finished getting ready, I made something to eat and sat at the island. The house was creepily quiet. I guess I had gotten used to all the noise of the past week. I hadn't been alone for a lengthy period of time since I met the group, and I didn't want to admit that I totally loved it.

I mentally bitch slapped myself at the thought and finished eating. I set the dishes in the sink and decided to watch a movie. I ended up having a Gabriel Byrne back-to-back viewing, _Stigmata_ and _Ghost Ship_ totally taking the cake. As the end credits for _Ghost Ship_ were just starting to roll, my phone's Mariah ringtone went off.

"Hey, Ash!" I happily answered, always happy to hear from my former roommate.

"You wanna explain to me why there's a video of you singing with Kings Of Leon on your Facebook page, and I don't know anything about it?" she practically yelled.

_Note to self: Beat Juanita bloody next time you see her._

"Would you believe it if I said it wasn't me?"

After letting her tell me where I could stick it, I explained to her what the deal was. She decided to three-way conference call my current roommate, Meara, about what a sneaky bitch I was. The two had never physically met but ended up having a convo on my Facebook wall one day where they compared my Mariah OCD.

_Damn you, Facebook and your ability to let peeps in my life gang up on me!_

After Meara was done yelling at me and threatening to rent out my room for good to the subletter, I apologized and begged for mercy. They finally let it go and began to ask me what I had been up to for the past couple of weeks. I didn't want to lie to them about the group, and knowing that they were two of the most trustworthy people, I told them the truth. They didn't believe me at first, obviously, but after I swore on Mariah, it was pretty much a done deal. I told them about the Jackson situation, hoping to get an objective opinion, one that didn't entail the possibility of getting my ass kicked since they were in New York. I got the same bullshit from them as I did the girls. As they continued to talk, I jumped on the computer and tried to figure out a way to remove the video from my profile page. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't figure out how. I also noticed that I had gained thirty comments on the video since it had been posted. I didn't bother reading them.

Once the girls were done with their lecture about letting love in and yadda yadda yadda, they asked me when I was coming home. I didn't have an honest answer for them, so I couldn't give them one. They made me promise to give them a head's up when I decided to go back and hung up.

_This day couldn't possibly get any worse._

My phone suddenly lit up, my mother's name on the Caller ID.

_Are you there, God? It's me, Iris. Please make it stop!_

"Hi, Mom."

"Why didn't you call back on Friday?"

"I had some things to take care of. You can yell at me any day of the week, so I didn't bother," I huffed. "Can you do me a favor? Can you just lay off me right now? I have a lot going on, and I don't wanna fight with you and add to my craptastic day."

"_Porque? Que paso?_"

"Nothing I wanna talk about."

"Is this about a boy?" she asked, a slightly teasing tone in her voice.

"Mom!" I whined. "Can we not get into this?"

"Iris, _dime_."

I debated whether I should actually get into the whole thing with her. She's my mother, for crying out loud. It just seemed icky to discuss any of that gooey shit with her. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized she was actually the one person who could give me truly objective advice. Yeah, she was my Mom, but the fact that she seemed to relish in making my life a living hell sometimes let me believe that she wouldn't care either way.

"Okay, so… I like this guy. Like _really_ like him. He kissed me last night, but I think he was drunk. He said he wanted to talk and – "

" – _y te fuiste corriendo, verdad?_"

"How did you know?"

"_Porque soy tu madre_. _Mija_, for as long as I can remember, you've always been the one to jump into a fight when it has to do with a friend or family being in trouble. When it comes to you, you get scared and run. It's strange now that I think about it," she trailed off. "The point is that instead of facing something that scares you, you always run. You avoid it and just hope it'll fix itself. I don't know why you don't have a problem getting into a fight with someone over somebody else but you can't fight for you. It's like you don't think you're worth it."

_Gee, Mom. I wonder why._

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

_Shit! I fucking said that out loud. I need to work on my internal monologue better._

"Language, Iris! I'm your mother, not one of your homegirls," she scolded. "But tell me what you meant by that statement."

"Mom, I really don't want to talk about this now. I'll just call you later in the week, okay?"

Before I could give her a chance to respond, I hung up. I ran my hands roughly over my face in absolute frustration. I needed a distraction from everything and everyone, but there was only so much sitting down in the theater my ass could take. Normally, I would've been over with the group at the hotel causing mayhem, but that was definitely out of the picture. I couldn't head over there without having the convo with Jackson first. If I was going to have _that_ discussion with Jackson, I needed to prepare. Only problem was that I didn't even know where to begin.

_Uh, so we kissed. But I get that you were drunk, so let's not worry about it. Wanna go push Kellan into some sprinklers?_

Yeah, right.

I plugged my iPhone into the sound system and selected a playlist I had created a while ago that seemed to fit my mood. I then moved on to the house's computer and decided to catch up on my fan fiction. I hadn't been on Twitter in a while, so I also wanted to make a stop there. As I was scrolling down my Twitter feed, I noticed there was some sort of pandemonium regarding Kristen and Rob with a whole shitload of link attachments. I clicked on the first one I saw and froze. The paps had somehow taken pics of the group during the Kings Of Leon concert, Rob and Kristen looking cuddly. I quickly ran over and snatched up my phone to call either Ashley or Nikki and ask them if Rob and Kristen were okay, but I couldn't even bring myself to hit the Send button. Then I realized just how silly I was being. They were used to that sort of thing, and I was pretty sure they had a slew of fancy management people working on making the situation go away. As angry as I was that their privacy had been invaded, my hatred for the paps making me want to karate chop them to death, I started worrying that maybe I had somehow ended up in one of those pics, freaking out that the kiss had been captured on camera and was now instantly available to the world. I scrounged for a good hour and was thankful that nothing had come up. The last thing I needed was an actual record of that shitfest going down.

_The pics must've been taken while I was pretending to be Hayley Williams._

I spent the next few hours cleaning already clean things and watching stupid television.

_What I wouldn't give for a _MacGyver_ marathon right now._

Somewhere between a really bad reality show and deciding whether I should emotionally eat and attack the fridge, I got a call from Suzy.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting really sick of flying."

"Glad to know someone got outta dodge. Thanks for leaving me stranded here, by the way."

"You're welcome. I'm sure you'll thank us for it later."

"She better not be bitching!" I heard Juanita say in the background.

"What have you been doing since we left?" Suzy asked, completely ignoring Juanita's comment.

"_Nada_. I'm bored as hell."

"Maybe you should use this time to think about what you've done and make things right."

"You make it sound like I snuck outta the house or something."

"Yeah, well… What playlist you got going today?"

"How do you know there's a playlist involved?"

"Because I'm psychic," she laughed.

"You scare me sometimes," I chuckled. "The 'Bleeding Love' playlist has been on repeat since I don't know when. It'll probably stay that way for a while."

"Good songs, but I hate the fact that you're being all broody. Plus, how do you have a 'Bleeding Love' playlist without the actual 'Bleeding Love' song on there?"

"Isn't it ironic, Alanis?" I laughed.

"She's brooding?" I heard Juanita ask. "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't stop!" she yelled into the phone.

I couldn't help but laugh at just how angry she could get with me. Suzy told me about the flight, continually repeating just how hot the captain sounded over the intercom, and finally had to let me go when they had made their way to the taxi line.

It was still too early to go to bed, but I was feeling sleepy anyway. I went upstairs, changed, and walked into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. When I started crawling into bed, I noticed I had a missed call and a voicemail. The missed call was from Jackson. Nervously, I pressed the voicemail button.

"Hey, it's me. I really wish you would answer your phone, so we can talk about last night. I need to explain some things. Um, shit… Please call me back."

I let my phone go back to its normal screen and put it back on the nightstand. I stared at it for a good minute before I decided to do nothing and got into bed.

Tuesday wasn't much better than Monday. I woke up hella early and got showered and dressed, though I had nowhere to go. I parked myself in the theater again and figured on watching movies all day. My genius method of closing my eyes and picking whatever movie my finger landed on guided my way. During the entire extent of the third movie, my phone kept going off with text messages.

_Are you ever going to talk to me again? – J Action_

_I'll do something drastic if you don't pick up your phone and call me back. – J Action_

_I've got Mariah Carey hostage! I won't release her until you call me. I'm not playing! – J Action_

_I told Ben you're not talking to me. He started crying when he realized he wouldn't get any more food from you. Do you really wanna be the reason why Ben cries? – J Action_

_Iris, we NEED to talk. Please? – J Action_

I did this overly dramatic groan yell thing by the time I finished reading his texts, but I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that he had Mariah hostage and also wonder if Graupner really was upset. He had a thing for my pie as much as Kellan did, apparently. The last text sounded really needy. As much as I wanted to see Jackson again, though, I knew it wouldn't be without having _the _talk. I still wasn't prepared for it.

I spent the rest of the day in the theater, my only other highlight being having to answer the door for the mailman who needed me to sign for something. I ate around 7pm when it dawned on me that I had forgotten to consume a proper meal. A couple of hours later, I was back in bed, knowing that senior citizens would probably point and laugh at my early bedtime.

I woke up Wednesday morning in an absolute funk. After I showered, I didn't feel like getting into regular people clothes, so I threw on a fresh pair of PJs. Though it wasn't cold, I sported my favorite hoodie sweatshirt. I threw my hair up into a high ponytail and didn't even bother putting my contacts in. I grabbed my Rivers Cuomo/librarian glasses and walked out of my room, my long and baggy black sweat pants dragging on the ground. I made myself a bowl of Fruit Loops and walked over to the TV in the living room to find a channel to watch, waiting until the loops were soggy enough for me to enjoy. I _hated_ crispy cereal. Don't ask me why.

Around 6pm, I couldn't take the boredom thing anymore. I threw the "Bleeding Love" playlist on again and ran upstairs to fish my lyric notebook out from underneath my mattress. I sat at the island writing for a while until my stomach decided to make its hunger known by sounding like the T-Rex from _Jurassic Park_. As I was heading to the fridge to find something other than cereal to eat, the doorbell rang. I kinda just stood there and wondered who the hell would be visiting me. Being the drama queen that I was, images of burglars charging into the house and going straight for my DVD collection came to mind. I then realized that burglars don't really ring doorbells. They sort of just break things and then steal.

I walked over to the door and opened it, not even checking to see who it was.

Jackson.

His gorgeous self was smiling shyly back at me. Behind him were the rest of his vampire siblings, a human, a Monkey, a werewolf, and a partridge in a pear tree.

"You're alive," I heard Ashley say.

"Yep. This is me," I said, waving. "I'm all alive."

"You haven't answered your phone or called any of us back. Kristen even texted you," Nikki threw in, jerking her thumb toward her.

Kristen shrugged, and all I could do was shrug back. I moved out of the way so they could come in. Alex walked in, hugged me, and then lightly slapped me on the arm.

"_Porque no me dijiste que puedes cantar_?" he kinda yelled.

"_Porque no puedo_," I shrugged.

He shook his head and then snorted at me. I snorted right back.

"We brought dinner. I hope you haven't eaten," Rob said.

"Nope. You just saved me from eating cereal for dinner. What's on the menu?"

They moved the pizza boxes they were holding over to the island. Before they could set them down, I ran over and grabbed my lyric notebook.

"What's that?" Jackson asked, gesturing to the book I was now clutching to me.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.

I looked down at it, and that was when I realized I was still wearing my PJs.

"Uh, I'm gonna go change. I'll be right back."

I was halfway up the stairs when I heard my "Bleeding Love" playlist still going. I debated whether I should shut it off before making it all the way to my room. That playlist would let them all, especially Jackson, know what I had been thinking about since I last saw them. I figured I would only draw more attention to it if I made my way back down the stairs to turn off the volume, so I decided against it. As soon as I was out of view, I ran to my room and shut the door. I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I quickly took my hair down out of the high ponytail I was sporting since it closely resembled a fountain. I put on a light dab of make-up, put my contacts in, and wedged my feet into my flip-flops. As I was getting ready, I could hear one song after another starting and ending, the likes of Jimmy Eat World and This World Fair blaring through the speaker. I prayed that they were too busy with the pizza to notice what songs were on. While walking back down the stairs, "Crush" by David Archuleta came on. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed that I was an Archie fan, but the song was pretty dead on in regards to the Jackson sitch. As I was walking over to shut off my iPhone, I realized that Jackson was holding it, staring at the screen.

"Interesting song choices," he said, still staring at it.

I watched as he scrolled through the song titles on the playlist and grew even more nervous as to what he might've been thinking. When I couldn't take it anymore, I reached over to unplug it.

"Can you leave this on?" he asked, finally shifting his eyes to my face.

I looked up at him, tilting my head to the side and wondering why he would ask such a thing, but I nodded and quickly walked over to the rest of the group. We all made light conversation as we ate, not even touching the issue of why I had bolted after the concert. Nikki even brought out her camera to show me the picture I had taken of the group with the Followill hotties. We laughed about how happy Rob seemed to be, causing him chuckle into his Coke can as he tried to take a drink. We seemed to be back to normal.

In the middle of the conversation, Paramore's "Decode" started wafting through the speakers. Everyone pretty much stopped and then turned to stare at me.

"Really?" Nikki laughed.

"What?" I shrugged, causing Graupner to giggle into his pizza. "I _love_ Paramore," I finally added when we had calmed down. "And this is a good song to sing in the shower because of the acoustics."

I punctuated my reasoning by dramatically biting into my pizza slice.

Ashley sidled up to me and gave me a look. I knew that look. It was the same one that Suzy would give me when she was trying to get me to sing sober.

"No," I shook my head, not even giving her a chance to ask her question.

She walked away without saying anything and gave me a smile that kinda made me wig a little. It was this wicked, "I'm up to something" smile.

We stood around and ate for an hour as they told me about how they had started training for the fight sequences. Ashley complained about how bruised up she was, rolling up her sleeves to show me her purple splotches. Kellan and Alex went caveman on us, talking about how much fun they had and that everyone who complained was a big baby. They quickly changed their tune when Rob and Jackson each poked them in specific places that made their face contort with pain. I nearly spit out my pizza, I was laughing so hard. We moved over to the living room couches, making sure that I didn't sit anywhere near Hottie McGreenEyes, as they told me about the past few days for them. When they asked me what I had been up to, I quickly glanced over at Jackson and ducked my head, confessing that I had just stayed in and watched movies.

"So you're busy schedule of doing nothing prevented you from getting back to any one of us, huh?" Kristen smirked.

"Being lazy is a profession I take very seriously. I don't like to let anything get in the way," I deadpanned.

We talked for a little while longer, finally getting Graupner to cooperate with the discussion after I handed him an entire pie left over from the barbecue to keep him entertained, not really discussing much. Every so often, I would catch Jackson looking at me and I wondered just how long he would wait until he blurted out that he was sorry for the lip molestation incident. I didn't wanna give him the chance, especially with everyone around. I just hoped that _if_ I ever got around to not being a chicken shit and had the discussion, it would just be the two of us.

Rob and Kristen excused themselves to step outside for a cig. I took the opportunity and got off the couch, heading over to the kitchen to clean up the pizza mess. As I was placing the plates in the sink, I could _feel_ Jackson moving around behind me. I just didn't realize how close he was until I heard him speak.

"Can we talk about this now?" he asked, pretty close to my ear.

"Talk about what?" I replied innocently, never taking my eyes off the dishes in my hand.

I heard him huff, probably annoyed at the fact that I couldn't be mature enough to discuss any of what had gone down with him. Luckily for me, Rob and Kristen came back in just then. Out of nowhere, Ashley chimed in.

"Let's do karaoke!"

"Uh, what?" I laughed.

"You said there was a karaoke machine in the theater. We haven't used it, yet. Please?" she pouted, batting her eyelashes at me.

"You can't use that against me, you know. I invented that."

Not surprisingly, I was outvoted and we all ended up in the theater anyway. As I pulled the machine out of the side closet, I hoped that they didn't expect me to get up on stage again.

_Two humiliations a week is my limit. Anything after that, I end up paying roaming charges._

After Graupner and I finally managed to get the damn thing hooked up, making sure that the lyrics from the karaoke CDs would pop up on the wall in the same way the movies did, we pulled the two mics and their stands out, placing them on the stage. Everyone debated about who was going first and who was singing what. I stayed outta their somewhat heated talk, not wanting to be put on the spot and asked to sing. They all thought I was good, but I knew better.

Alex broke the ice and started the whole thing off by singing "My Heart Will Go On." I didn't even wanna think about the fact that he knew a Celine Dion song. He was very animated, getting down on his knees and belting his heart out. He even did the Celine chest-thumping thing perfectly, and we all laughed at the theatrics. I was so hysterical that I ended up crying and snorting through most of his performance. Nikki and Ashley got up next, choosing "Don't Stop Believing." Since it's the type of song where everyone in a karaoke bar gets involved, we all sang along from our seats. Kellan decided he wanted to go next but couldn't figure out what song to sing. I instantly shot up outta my seat and picked the silliest song for him, knowing full-well he would go through with it. The moment he realized "It's Raining Men" was the song I had chosen for him, he grabbed me by the hand, not letting me go back to my seat.

"You're singing this with me."

"Not a chance in hell. I wanna watch this from the stands, diva," I laughed.

He wouldn't let me go, so I compromised that I would just stand on stage. By the end of the first verse, I was having so much fun that I joined in with him, though I sang "It's Raining Kellan," causing everyone to laugh. It didn't help that I was Vanna Whiting him, large display gestures during the chorus and all. I thought it was hysterical that he didn't even have to look at the screen to know what the words were, and I made a mental note to ask him about it later. By the time he and I were done, everyone was laughing and gave us a round of applause.

I made it back to my seat and listened in as Alex and Kellan tried to get Rob or Kristen to get up and partake in the festivities. They were having none of that, though.

"Iris should sing next," Ashley suddenly threw into the conversation.

"No, Iris definitely shouldn't," I said, shaking my head.

"Come on," she pleaded.

"I embarrassed the shit outta myself enough at the concert. Wasn't that enough? I'm not gonna do it again. Besides, you know I don't do well with the stage fright," I added, looking at Kristen and hoping she would remember my panic attack and help me out.

"You sang in front of thousands of people on Sunday, but you're scared of just us?"

"Stage fright knows no numbers."

"We'll go with a song you already know, one you're comfortable with. How's that sound?" Nikki asked.

I shook my head and argued for a good five minutes with them. They weren't backing down, and neither was I. It didn't escape me that Jackson had stayed silent throughout the entire exchange. It pretty much solidified the thought I had that he thought I sucked.

"I can't even sing well! I don't know why you're pushing this so much," I said, starting to get frustrated.

"Don't feed us that bullshit. We were there Sunday night. We heard you," Kristen replied.

"I wasn't there. I had to watch it from a video, because you didn't bother telling me. What happened to having a united front with your fellow Mexican?" Alex asked.

"Look, you're going to sing whether you like it or not. Now, come over here so you can see what song I chose for you," Ashley demanded.

I was on the verge of tears. The thought of having to get up and sing in front of people again, especially Jackson, was starting to terrify me more than the Kings Of Leon concert. Now, I would be much closer to this group of people I now thought of as friends. Now, I would be singing after having kissed Jackson. Now, I would be singing after having declared my likey feelings for him when we had danced.

"If she's not comfortable, you should just leave her alone."

I looked over at Jackson and gave him a sad smile. It was sweet that he was trying to keep me from embarrassing myself again. He probably just didn't wanna hear another horrible attempt of singing on my part, though.

Ashley walked over and pulled me outta my seat. I pulled back as much as I could, but she eventually got me onto the stage. When she pulled out my iPhone, which I didn't even know she had taken, and showed me what song she had planned for me, I froze.

"Why did you pick that song?" I whispered.

"What's wrong with it?" she asked, the innocence a little too thick in her voice.

I looked up at her, noting that same wicked smile from earlier.

"Ashley, can I talk to you in the kitchen, please?"

I didn't even give her a chance to respond. I walked outta the theater and up the stairs. When she finally caught up to me, I almost blew a gasket.

"Why that song, Ashley? What have you and Suzy been discussing?" I said through gritted teeth.

"That you like to run. She told me about how you almost got on a plane to New York with them. Are you that scared of talking to him?"

"I don't want to hear his excuses for what went down. Sue me for trying to keep a little shred of dignity."

"Suzy told me you only listen to it when you really like a guy. I think you should sing it, and let him know."

"I already told him! That little time frame from between when we started dancing and when he made his mistake? I told him. I don't need to tell him again. It's humiliating."

"Well, if you won't do it for him, then do it for me. I want to hear you sing. Please?"

She pouted and batted her eyelashes again. I guess either Jackson or Suzy had told her that puppy dog eyes were my weakness, because she was pulling it out in full force. I finally gave in, wondering if the vomity feeling I was experiencing would cause me to blow chunks on anyone within a ten foot radius of the stage.

We walked back down the stairs, and I dragged my feet to the microphone stand. Ashley went over to plug in my iPhone, asking Ben to lower the lead vocal by using some fancy button the machine had. I dragged the mic stand over to the left, letting everyone know that I was not to be held responsible if I threw up on them or for the quality of the song since I couldn't sing and it was R&B. Since the song was coming from something other than the karaoke disc, there would be no words on the screen for them to watch, but I prayed that by being off to the side, they'd get distracted by something else.

I tapped the microphone, hearing the thud come through the speakers just as Ashley announced that they had figured it out. I started to shake and grabbed onto the stand for dear life. The fact that I was singing _again_ and that it was this particular song was making me wig out ridiculously. I could tell I was starting to hyperventilate, and I hated myself for losing it so badly in front of everyone. At least my last melt down was only in front of Suzy and Kristen. Jackson wasn't involved then, and I wasn't dealing with the aftermath of Lip Lock 2009.

"Breathe, baby. Just breathe."

I looked over at Jackson, shocked that he would try to calm me down when I knew he didn't want to hear me sing. I was even more freaked out at the fact that he had just called me baby.

Suddenly, the music started. I quickly shut my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. When it was time for me come in, I took a big breath and hoped that I didn't make an ass outta myself… again.

_With every passing moment_

_Thoughts of you run through my head_

_Every time that I'm near you_

_I realize that you're heaven sent, baby_

_I think you're truly something special_

_Just what my dreams are really made of_

_Let's stay together, you and me boy_

_There's no one like you around_

_(Oh, baby)_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_I can't really explain it_

_I am so into you_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(I really like what you…)_

_I can't really explain it_

_I'm so into you_

_It could be the way that you hold me_

_Could be the things that you say_

_Oh, I'm not too sure what it is, boy_

_But I know I like feeling this way_

_(Hey, oooh)_

_I think you're truly something special_

_(Truly something special)_

_Just what my dreams are really made of_

_(Dreams are made of)_

_Let's stay together, you and me boy_

_(Together, you and me boy)_

_There's no one like you around_

_(Oh, baby)_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(What you)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(I can't really explain it, oh I)_

_I am so into you_

_(Into you)_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(What you)_

_I can't really explain it_

_I'm so into you_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(Oh I… What you)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Oh, I can't really explain it)_

_I am so into you_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(Ooooh, oh)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Can't explain it, no)_

_I'm so into you_

_I really like what I feel when I'm with you_

_(Ooooh… With you)_

_You're a dream come true_

_(You're… Oh, yeah)_

_Don't you ever leave my side_

_(Ever leave my side… Oh no)_

_Cuz it feels so right_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(Oh, I… What you)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Oh, I can't… No no)_

_I am so into you_

_(I'm so into you, baby)_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Look what you've done to me, no)_

_I'm so into you_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(Oh, I… Really like)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Oh, I can't…explain it)_

_I am so into you_

_(Into you)_

_I really like what you've done to me_

_(I really like… You've done to me)_

_I can't really explain it_

_(Really explain it)_

_I'm so into you_

The music finally cut out, and all I heard was everyone's breathing. On instinct, I only opened one eye. I needed to know just how horrified everyone was. What I saw were a bunch of smiles, Jackson's being the biggest. I quickly cleared my throat and reminded them all that they had no one to blame but themselves for the shit show they had just witnessed.

Suddenly, Jackson got up out of his seat, took me by the hand, and walked me out of the theater. He didn't say anything as we climbed the stairs. I was back to having that same feeling from the night before when he walked me out of the aisle. I didn't know whether to pray that he did or didn't kiss me again. When we reached the living room area, he walked me around the couch and sat me down on one end while he sat at the other. Looking at him, I knew that this was the moment I had been dreading. We were about to have _the_ talk. I couldn't decide what was worse: this or the horror fest that had just taken place downstairs.

I kinda curled into myself the moment I realized what was about to go down. I was leaning against the armrest and brought my knees up. I was biting my thumbnail out of sheer nerves while trying to get my hair to do that thing where I look like the chick from The Ring so he couldn't see my face.

Just as he was about to say something, the rest of the group came walking up the stairs. I had almost forgotten they were still here.

"You guys leaving?" I asked, making a move to get off the couch.

"Stay put," Jackson said, giving me this look that reminded me of Suzy when she was trying to get me to do something I didn't want to.

Everybody came over to the couch, some saying goodbye to me while others said good luck to Jackson.

_Good luck? What? Are they hoping I don't ninja kick him or something?_

Without even thinking about it, I made to move off the couch again to walk them out.

"Stay!" Kristen said, pointing her finger at me. "Don't move from that spot."

"Should I bark now or something?" I laughed.

"If it works for you," she snickered as she walked out the door.

Before Ashley left, she looked me dead in the eye.

"No running, OK?"

I pouted and crossed my arms, probably resembling my six-year-old self when Mom told me that I couldn't have ice cream, because it would make me fat. I watched as they all walked out the door, not ready to face Jackson yet. When I heard the door close, I shifted my body back toward him, playing with my hands out of nervousness.

We were quiet for a bit, the only sound coming from the humming of the fridge. I saw him open his mouth, ready to say something, and I panicked.

"I like you!" I blurted out.

This tiny squeak escaped me and both of my hands instantly went to cover my mouth, making this popping sound that echoed in the room. Jackson smiled and then lightly laughed.

"Well, that takes care of that. Now I just need to know why you keep avoiding me."

It took me a minute to calm down and remove my hands from my mouth before I could speak again.

"It's because I like you," I whispered, keeping my head down.

"You're not talking to me, because you like me? I don't understand."

"I shouldn't like you. I thought if I stopped hanging around you so much, I'd eventually stop. Then that, you know, _thing_ went down at the concert, and I panicked."

"I kissed you. You kissed me back. Why would you panic?"

"I didn't want to hear your excuses as to why you did it," I said as I finally looked at him, staring him straight in the eye so he knew I meant business. "I know you were drunk, but I just couldn't take you telling me that was the reason why… why you kissed me."

"Iris, I wasn't drunk. I kissed you because I wanted to. I like you. I thought you knew that."

I immediately shook my head, my hair smacking me in the face.

"No, you don't like me. There's nothing about me to like, so I know you're wrong. You were probably just thinking of somebody else," I shrugged.

"I. Like. You. I don't know how else to make you realize that. I like spending time with you. You make me laugh. You're kind of crazy and silly. You're the only person I know who isn't afraid to go up against Kellan with me, and these past few days of you not talking to me pretty much sucked."

I sat there, the millions of reasons why he could never like me running through my head. I wanted to lay them all out there, so he could see that he was wrong about what he thought he was feeling. It didn't make sense for him to like me.

"It doesn't make sense for you to like me. I mean, look at you. You look like you were hatched at a plastic surgeon's office. I'm assuming your ex-girlfriends look like they were, too. You can't go from that to this," I said as I gestured to me. "You _don't_ like me. What you're feeling is pity. It's okay. I mean, I at least understand that. You feel bad for me because of all the stuff I've told you."

"So, now you're telling me what I'm feeling?" he asked, the irritation in his voice making me cringe.

I stuttered, trying to get a response out of my mouth but failing miserably. He suddenly moved a little closer to me. He grabbed my hand, making my mouth drop, and played with my fingers.

"Why do _you_ like _me_?" he asked.

I stared at him. Was he really asking me this question? I didn't have all day to give him the list. I wondered if he would let me go make a pie chart on the computer or something.

"Um, well…" I started, clearing my throat. "You're funny and talented," I stammered. "You're happy just being you. You don't care that millions of girls wanna rip your clothes off. And for whatever reason, you like my cooking," I laughed. "You put up with my craziness and don't make fun of me for it."

I wanted to say one other thing to him, but I needed to make sure I could get it out without sounding like a dumbass.

"Being with you makes me happy. I smile a lot."

"Why can't you accept that when _I_ say it? I know you've been given a lot shit about how people are supposed to look, but is that all you see when you look at me?"

"No, of course not. But how often do you see a gorgeous guy spending time with an ugly girl unless she's doing his homework or she's his maid? It doesn't happen. It especially doesn't happen to me."

He moved his hand from mine and brought it up to wipe his face in frustration.

"I don't get it. I'm telling you that I like you and you're telling me the same, but you're making excuses."

"Look, it's just this simple. It's obvious why I like you. I don't really think you like me, though. But we can argue about that until Lindsay Lohan wins an Oscar. It'll never happen," I laughed. "The other thing is that you're important to me. Your friendship has been one of the easiest things to come to me. I don't wanna lose that. It's too important to me to have it messed up because of how I feel about you. I don't want things to get weird between us. Well, weirder, I guess."

"So, you wanna forget that we like each other so we can stay friends?"

"Yeah," I answered, hating myself a little more.

He sighed and just looked at me. I started biting on the inside of my cheek, wondering what he was thinking.

"OK," he stated. "Your friendship's important to me, too, and if you don't wanna chance that, then I'll respect your decision."

"Just give me time to, you know, stop liking you or whatever, and then we can get back to normal. I mean, I don't even know how long I'll be here or whether you'll even want to continue doing the friend thing after one of us leaves Vancouver for good."

His face got serious, and he started to frown a little. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he stood up.

"I should get going," he said after he cleared his throat.

I got off the couch and straightened my shirt. I was more nervous now than I was during the conversation. I just didn't know where to go from that point.

"Do you need to call for a company car?"

"No, we drove ourselves over. I told Ashley that I was going to have this conversation with you whether you liked or not, so they left one of the cars here for me to take home after."

"So, this was an ambush, huh?" I laughed.

"I guess you could call it that."

I opened the door, turning on the porch light before leaving the house, and walked him out to his car. He reached into his pockets and pulled out the keys. I watched as he unlocked the door and opened it.

"So… Friends, right?" he smirked.

"Friends," I smiled.

We looked at each other for a bit and the same look from the concert, the one right before he kissed me, came across his face.

I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and tell him that I was a stupid Mexican for saying that I only wanted to be friends. I wanted him to tell me he liked me again, even though I knew he didn't really mean it. I wanted him to like me so bad, I was almost willing to risk my friendship with him.

Almost.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and took a step back.

"You should get going. You have a wig with your name on it, and I'm sure you're expected to wear it tomorrow at some time."

"That damn wig," he grimaced.

I laughed. He laughed. And then it got quiet.

"Okay. You better go. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, we have more fight training during the day, but let me know if you feel like being gracious and cooking dinner or something," he chuckled.

"Will do," I laughed. "I'll call you tomorrow."

He smiled and nodded before he got into the car. I walked around the front and stepped up onto the porch. I watched as he drove away, and I felt like punching my own face out of sheer stupidity.

If he wanted to believe he liked me, I could live with the lie, right?

Friends.

I could do the friend thing.

Right.

Friends.

* * *

_**Siega = Blind**_

_**Mensa = Stupid girl**_

_**Porque? Que paso? = Why? What happened?**_

_**Dime = Tell me**_

_**Y te fuiste corriendo, verdad? = And you took off running, right?**_

_**Porque soy tu madre = Because I'm your mother**_

_**Mija = My daughter**_

_**Porque no me dijiste que puedes cantar? = Why didn't you tell me you can sing?**_

_**Porque no puedo = Because I can't**_

**Reviews are like Jackson conversations: I wish they would never end.**


	15. More Than Just Friends

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / Xy1Utp  
**

* * *

"You are quite possibly the biggest liar I have ever met."

"Shut up, Suz. I had to say something."

"Saying something is one thing. Outright lying to him about wanting to be friends is another."

I groaned and flopped backwards onto my bed. I had just spent the past fifteen minutes telling Suzy my convo with Jackson from the night before.

"So, do you think you can keep up the friend thing?"

"I have no choice. I just have to get over him. Or," I reasoned, "I can just ride this whole thing out until I leave Vancouver."

"When do you think that'll be?"

"I was hoping to leave Monday, but some limey bitches kept me from doing that," I laughed.

"Well, it got you to at least talk to him, didn't it? Now you know," she replied. "Can I just say one thing and let it be my peace?"

"Sure. Go for it," I groaned.

"In a way, I'm kind of proud of you."

"I'm sorry. You just said what?" I exclaimed, sitting up so quickly it made my head spin.

"You dive into things head first. You have never done anything halfway. It's all or nothing with you. I expected you to either chase after us and push your way onto the plane or go for it completely with Jackson."

"Yeah, well… I wasn't lying when I said that his friendship's important to me. I don't want that to end up ruined. As badly as I want to be with him, though, I know that I'm not good enough for him. And I care about him too much to let him think that being with me is a good thing. If a friendship is all I can get out the situation, then I'll take it."

"You really are a strange person. But you already know that," she sighed. "Anyway, you wanted me to remind you that you wanted to finish 'Hometown Glory.' How far have you gotten?"

"I just have to listen to it a couple more times to get the final piano notes."

"I think you're the only other person I know besides myself who can listen to a song and just pick it up without writing down notes. We should start a band," she laughed.

"Oh, yeah," I laughed back. "We'll call ourselves Dumb And Dumber."

She had just finished walking from work to the subway station so we said our goodbyes and hung up. I spent the rest of the morning with my lyric book in the backyard, writing like a motherfucker. A little after lunch, I got a text from Ashley.

_Friends? Really? I don't know about you, but I don't go around kissing my friends they way you and Jackson were going at it at the concert. – Ashley_

_It's a long story. What else did he tell you? – Iris_

_That you don't believe he likes you and that you're afraid of ruining the friendship you have with him to do anything about your feelings. – Ashley_

_Sounds about right. What are you guys doing today? – Iris_

_I'm earning more bruises. You want to do dinner at our place tonight? – Ashley_

_Sure. You want me to cook, or are we ordering out? – Iris_

_Would you mind? I need something fresh from the stove. – Ashley_

_No problem. Lemme know when you guys are done, and I'll head over. – Iris_

_Thanks, hon! I'll let the group know. Talk to you later. – Ashley_

I wandered over to the fridge, looking through it and the cupboards, trying to decide what I could make that night. When I realized that the leftovers from the barbecue were pretty effin ripe and needed to be thrown out, I knew I was going to have to make a trip back to the grocery store.

As I was about to leave the house and go shopping, Juanita called me. She let me know that her parents had contacted the storage people, and I would be able to pick up her car after 3pm. I couldn't drop the car off at the rental place first since I would have no way of getting to the storage place, and I couldn't pick up her car first since I couldn't drive them both to the rental location.

I was going to have to put my new-found declaration of "Friends" to the test. I picked up my phone and hit the speed dial button, a little relieved when the voicemail came up.

"Hey, Jackson. It's me. Listen, Juanita wants me to turn in my rental car and use her car while I'm here. Would you be able to go with me to pick it up? Anytime you're done with work is fine. Gimme a call back. Thanks."

_There. I did it. One small step for man, one giant leap for my stupid ass decision._

I called Juanita back to let her know that I left a message for Jackson to see if he could help me out with the second car. She asked me if I had dealt with my shitty issues yet, so I told her what happened. To say that the woman wanted to beat me to death with a blunt object was an understatement. I let her yell at me for a good ten minutes before I faked a heart attack and hung up.

A couple of hours later, my phone rang.

"I got your message. I get out of here at six. Is that too late?"

"No, that's good. I'll just need you to go with me to pick up the new car and then drive that one while I drive the rental back. Is that okay?"

"No problem. Ashley tells me you're making us dinner tonight. She's not toying with my heart, is she?"

"No," I laughed. "I swear. You people act like nobody's ever cooked for you."

"It's home-cooked and it's delicious and it's made by you. What else is there?"

"Yeah yeah yeah. Call me when you're on your way over. I'm going to head to the grocery store now, so we don't have to worry about it later."

"Wait! I want to go with you."

It took me a few seconds to get over the shock of his statement.

"Dude, you do realize that a grocery store is a public place, right? I cannot be held accountable if you're attacked in the produce section."

"I'll wear a hat or something, but I'm going with you," he insisted.

"Ugh. Fine. It's your funeral. Should you at least have a bodyguard or something with you?"

"Bodyguard?"

"Yeah. Rob can't pee without one, so going into a public place sans wall of muscles is suicidal."

"No bodyguard. Besides, I have you to protect me, right?"

"Ha! I don't think my military school training or secret identity ninja skills could combat the slew of vaginas that are always ready to pounce on you."

I had to wait a while for him to stop laughing before I could speak again.

"You sure are stubborn. Alright, go work or whatever. Tell the group and the wig I said hi for me."

"You really like that wig, don't you?" he chuckled.

"What can I say? I love squirrels."

He told me he would be over in a couple of hours, and we hung up. I quickly made a list of things I would need from the grocery store. Superman Rathbone may have been convinced he would be okay out in public, but I wanted to get in and out without having to take on a bevy of tweens who might notice him and attack.

Not having anything to do until he came over, I went down to the theater. I didn't feel like watching a movie so I decided to finish working on "Hometown Glory." The first week Suzy and I were in Vancouver, pre-Jackson week, I had only spent a couple of hours on it. I had most of the piano notes memorized since they basically repeated throughout the song. I pulled the piano out a little, thankful it was on wheels, and went into the closet to get the bench out. I pulled out my iPhone and hit the play button. After making sure that it was set to repeat, I sat down and listened to it a few times before I finally let my hands touch the keys. Every time the song would repeat, I would play a little more than I had the time before. When I had played the song completely through at least twice, I just sat there and listened to it.

Knowing that I was about to sing and play at the same time brought the stage fright like a diesel truck. It didn't matter that I was alone. My mind just couldn't comprehend that there was nobody around to tell me that I sucked or to laugh and point at me.

I listened to the song one more time and finally decided to just get it over with. Even though I would never play it for anybody, music and what I did with it was always just for me. I wanted to get it out of my system and be happy with the results, regardless of how little talent I had.

When I was ready, I turned off my phone, not wanting to be interrupted. I didn't even want to have the music playing at a low volume. I wanted this to just be me and the piano in the room.

Just as I was about to play, the dark tone of the intro flashed through my mind. I had always thought it was simple and beautiful, but it was striking me differently that day. The low notes made me think of Jackson and the shitty situation I had put myself in. The intro was tugging at my heart. It was practically doing a Mexican hat dance all over it. I decided to go with it, to use that feeling and pour it into the song as I played and sang.

When I was ready, I let my fingers hit the keys. I closed my eyes and let the chords swirl around me, throwing everything I felt about Jackson and how I had completely mangled the circumstances into it. Halfway through, I started to just vocalize, letting the piano solo take my voice to a lower register at certain points and a higher one at others. There was no rhyme or reason to the notes I was hitting other than they were in the same family as the chords I was playing. I didn't want my shitty ass vocals to ruin the solo so I kept them breathy. The solo stopped, and I counted the beats until the piano returned.

When the piano kicked back in, I just let my fingers do their thing. I didn't need to think about the notes or watch my hands work. They knew where to go automatically. As always, I took a deep breath and readied myself to sing, to torture an absolutely beautiful song.

_I've been walking in the same way as I did  
Missing out the cracks in the pavement  
And tutting my heel and strutting my feet  
Is there anything I can do for you dear?_

_Is there anyone I can call?  
No and thank you, please Madam._

_I ain't lost, just wandering_

_Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met_

_Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of this world  
Are the wonders of my world_

_I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque  
I love to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades  
I like it in the city when two worlds collide  
You get the people and the government  
Everybody taking different sides_

_Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit  
Shows that we are united  
Shows that we ain't gonna take it  
Shows that we ain't gonna stand shit  
Shows that we are united_

_Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met_

As soon as the scatting part came up, I threw myself into it vocally and on the piano, as well. It was my favorite part of the song, because it wasn't scripted. It wasn't something you could really write down. I let the volume of voice get louder, pretty much putting me into a full belt by the time I was done.

_Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of this world  
Are the wonders_

_Of my world_

_Of my world_

_(Yeah)_

_Of my world_

_Of my world_

_(Yeah)_

I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands. I couldn't help but let this giddy smile come over my face. It wasn't the first time I had done this with a song, but it always felt fan-fucking-tastic when I did. It was a little sense of accomplishment.

I picked up my iPhone from the top of the piano and realized that Jackson would be arriving at any moment. I got up off the bench and walked around it.

That was when I noticed Jackson standing in the doorway.

"Christ on a cracker in Spring!" I screamed and stepped back, scared outta my mind.

As I took my step back, my foot caught on the leg of the piano bench and sent me falling on my ass, my palms hitting the floor and barely keeping me from ending up on my back. The front of my hair went flying, and I could feel that I had actually sat on the ends. My face felt hot, and I knew it was probably red again from being so embarrassed. It definitely didn't help that the sound of the piano bench falling over was pretty loud.

I somehow suppressed the urge to blow chunks.

"Are you okay?" he asked, panic in his voice and on his face as he ran over to me.

He put out both his hands to help me up. I was so mortified, all I could do was slap at them repeatedly like a little kid.

"You scared the shit outta me! Stealthy ninja much?"

"Sorry," he chuckled. "Wait. Did you just take the Eucharist's name in vain?" he laughed.

He kneeled down and took me by both hands, helping me up as I kept mumbling for him to shut up. I couldn't look him in the face, absolutely embarrassed that he had heard me sing and play _in addition_ to falling on my ass. I avoided eye contact as I dusted myself off.

"How long have you been standing there, anyway?" I grumbled.

"Long enough."

"What does that mean?" I asked, finally looking up at him.

"The song was just ending when I made it to the theater. I was going to knock or say something to let you know I was here, but then I saw you sitting in front of the piano. I didn't want to interrupt you."

"Shit," I muttered.

"I rang the doorbell and called your phone but didn't get an answer either way. I saw the car out front, so I knew that you were home. I'm sorry for just walking in. When I heard the music, I thought you might've been caught up watching a movie."

"It's okay. It's my fault for not watching the clock."

I cleared my throat and grabbed my phone from the floor. We walked out of the theater, and as he was heading for the door, I told him to give me a minute so I could run upstairs and grab a game from my closet. We left the house, Trivial Pursuit's Pop Culture DVD Edition in hand, and got into the car. I programmed the address Juanita gave me in to the GPS system, and we drove off.

"If you tell me you walked here or were Trekkie teleported, I'm going to flick you on the forehead," I said, noticing that I didn't see an extra car in the driveway as we left.

"Ashley dropped me off," he laughed.

We made more small talk as we drove to the storage unit. I was just hoping he wouldn't bring up the piano incident. It didn't take us very long to get to wherever this place was, and I was thankful for that. We walked into the office, and after giving them all of the IDs they required, the guy behind the desk made copies and attached it to the form that Juanita's parents had faxed over, which gave me permission to take the car. He grabbed a set of keys from a safe and walked us out to a row of really large units. He stopped at one, unlocked the door, and raised it. When I saw what was inside, I cursed under my breath.

"What's wrong?"

"It's like her to have a car like this," I answered.

I didn't know what kind of car it was, but it was fancy. It was black and shiny and looked _really_ expensive.

"I guess I'm just lucky she didn't let her _Twilight_ obsession take over everything in her life, or I'd be driving a silver Volvo out of here," I explained, making Jackson laugh. "I can't believe she actually expects me to drive this thing," I groaned.

"It's a 2009 Audi A4 Sedan."

"I'm sorry?"

"The car," the storage unit dude said.

"Oh. See all I heard was, 'This shit is really expensive and worth more than you are, so take care of it.' This looks like something you'd drive the president around in."

I turned to look at Jackson and smirked.

"Obama. _Twilight_ hottie. Same difference," I shrugged.

I looked over at Jackson to gauge his reaction to the car and did a double take when he kept staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he chuckled.

Storage dude man grumbled something so low I couldn't hear and then handed me the keys. I immediately shoved the keys into Jackson's hand.

"You don't want to drive it?"

"Nope. I'm going to drive the rental car back and have my final moments with her. She and I have been through a lot these past couple of weeks," I dramatically sighed.

He rolled his eyes at me and walked over to the car, opening the driver's side door. I couldn't help but laugh at his "Holy shit!" when he finally got in. I walked back to the front of the building and got into the rental. My phone suddenly lit up.

"Is there a reason why you're calling me when you're directly behind me and still in the parking lot?" I laughed, looking into the rearview mirror to see if I could catch his eye.

"I have no idea where we're going. Do you have the address to the rental location?"

"You just want to touch the GPS system, don't you?" I giggled.

"I'm thinking about having sex with this car. Touching the GPS is foreplay."

"Oh, for the love of Mariah and all that is holy. Boys and their fucking toys," I grumbled.

I dug through my purse and found the address. After I gave it to him, I watched him in the rearview mirror. The look of utter lust as he typed in the address had me laughing hysterically into the phone.

We pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward the rental place, still on the phone with one another. He kept making remarks about how hot and sleek the car was. When I asked him if he wanted a moment alone with her - we decided that the car was a female since he was all about having sex with it - he told me not to be surprised if he "accidentally" got lost on the way to return the rental.

"You don't seem like the fancy car type," I remarked.

"I'm not. But that's not to say I can't appreciate something beautiful."

When we stopped at a red light, I looked into the rearview mirror back at him, and when he finally met my eyes, I shook my head and snickered into the phone. He merely shrugged his shoulders and honked the horn, letting me know that the light had turned green.

We pulled into the rental place alongside each other. I ordered him to stay in the Obama car while I returned the rental, fearing he might give the female clerk behind the desk a heart attack.

When the car inspection was done and the paperwork had been signed, I pulled my credit card out of my Mariah purse to pay my balance. My jaw nearly dropped when the clerk told me that it had already been taken care of.

"A couple of days ago, a faxed authorization for a credit card use came in, asking that any and all balances be applied to it."

I huffed. I forced a smile. I thanked the clerk. I stomped out the front door.

As I was getting into the passenger side of the Obama car, I slammed the door, feeling the teensiest bit childish that it made me happy to exact some sort of revenge.

"What's wrong?"

"Somebody paid the bill on the rental car," I said, reaching into my purse and finding my phone.

I hit the speed dial button and waited for the ringing to stop, so I could start yelling. When the other line clicked, I let all hell break loose.

"You have some fucking nerve!" I began.

"What did I do now?" Juanita yelled back.

Jackson took the phone from me, holding it between the two of us, and hit the speakerphone button, lightly laughing at our heated exchange.

"Why did you pay the bill on the rental car? I didn't ask you to do that. I didn't _want_ you to do that."

"You are the only person I know who can never accept a gift for what it is."

"That's not a gift, J. A gift is making me dinner or taking a walk with me when I'm pissed and nobody else is willing to deal with my temper. _This_ is just wrong."

"Well, think of it as punishment then."

"Punishment for what?!"

"For lying to Jackson about only wanting to be friends with him."

I immediately scrambled to take the phone from him, feeling my face and my entire body get hot again from the humiliation as I took Juanita off of speakerphone. I didn't look at him as I dragged my hand through my hair and stared out the window.

"You were on speakerphone, dumbass."

"_Y que?_"

"I'm not alone," I mumbled.

"Oh."

Silence.

"Ohhhh," she exclaimed as it hit her. "Oops. My bad."

"It's okay," I said as I cleared my throat.

I glanced over at Jackson and caught him laughing into his fist, probably trying to keep from furthering my humiliation. All I could do was groan and lean forward, resting my head on the dashboard.

I felt the car start and pull out of the parking lot. I quickly hung up with Juanita, letting her know that revenge was on its way, though she would never see it coming. About five minutes into the drive, Jackson cleared his throat and spoke.

"Are we going to drive around in circles, or can I get the address for the grocery store?"

I was thankful that he was joking with me. I couldn't take another serious conversation about _the_ talk.

"And watch you molest the GPS with me right next to you? No way. I'll just tell you where to go."

Fifteen minutes later, we pulled into a spot near the front of the grocery store. As he started opening his door, I panicked. I immediately unbuckled my seat belt and reached across him, pulling the door so it would close.

"Where do you think you're going?"

He didn't say anything. I gave him the "Are you going to answer me or not?" head shake and raised eyebrows, but he didn't respond. That was when it hit me that I hadn't actually moved back to my seat yet. I was still hovering over him with my hand on the door handle, his hotness of a face just a couple of inches away from mine.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I got my ass back to its own seat.

"Not a problem," he chuckled.

I chose to ignore that comment.

"Where's your hat?" I asked.

"You weren't serious about that, were you?"

"I will not be sued by Summit if something happens to you, because you have a thing for horrible tasting food. Did you bring one?"

"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal? Pfffft! I like my friends in one piece, thank you very much."

I started looking throughout the car, hoping to find something he could wear as a disguise. When I didn't find anything in the glove compartment or underneath the front or back seats, I had Jackson pop the trunk. I praised Baby Jesus, and maybe did a little dance, when I found Juanita's New York Yankees cap in the corner of the trunk. I got back into the car and handed over the hat. When he simply put it on, I rolled my eyes and took it off of him. I reached back into my purse and pulled out a hair tie.

"The point of the hat is to make you look unrecognizable. You can't just put it on and let the hair flow freely."

I waited until he pulled his hair back and secured it before handing the hat back and making sure he put it on. Nodding at my victory, we got outta the car. To say I was looking around as if I expected us to be shot by an unseen assailant was a light statement.

"What are you freaking out about?" he laughed.

"I'm worried somebody'll recognize you," I said, finally turning to look at him.

_Shit. Sunuvabitch. Fuck._

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Stop smiling."

"What?" he chuckled.

"Don't smile. Your hair and your smile are dead giveaways. Shit. We should probably cover your eyes, too. You can see those puppies in the middle of a dark room."

I noticed he smirked and raised an eyebrow at that last comment. I finally just gave up, throwing my hands up in the air, and did this speed-walking thing into the store, Jackson laughing at me on the way in. He grabbed a grocery cart while I pulled my list out.

"Alright. Since I have precious cargo with me today, I'm going to have to pretend I'm on _Supermarket Sweep_."

In a new world record, I was in and out of the grocery store in less than ten minutes. We loaded the groceries into the trunk of the car, got in, and pulled out of the lot. For the first few minutes of the drive back, I could tell there was something going on. I would've thought it was tension in the air, but it didn't feel negative. In an effort to break whatever it was, I challenged Jackson to a thumb war competition. Five minutes and seven severe ass-kickings later, Jackson pouted.

"This isn't fair! I'm driving. Of course you're winning."

"If I may remind you, Mr. Sore Loser, you weren't driving the day we competed on the way back from the set and you _still_ lost. Just admit it. I'm better at this than you," I laughed.

As we continued to play, I thought about what I was making for dinner. That brought about the fact that with the exception of Ashley, I hadn't talked to anybody since Jackson and I had _the_ talk. I didn't know if they, especially the girls and Rob, were going to be anything other than nice to me considering they had been pushing me to tell him how I felt. Maybe they were pissed at me for the fact that they underestimated my stupidity and avoidance abilities. I mean, that group wasn't the type to hold back their feelings. I finally decided that if they were pissed at me, I would've heard something by then. Then I remembered that they could probably care less, having much more important issues to worry about.

Thinking about being pissed and the group reminded me of the fuckery Rob and Kristen had been dealt earlier in the week because of the Kings Of Leon pictures. I didn't ask them anything when they visited the day before for several reasons, but I wondered if they were okay. I hated the paparazzi for their complete and utter lack of respect for the group. It just wasn't fair.

"What are you thinking over there?"

"Hmmm?"

"You just lost four games in a row. I know something's going on in that head of yours."

"I was just thinking…" I trailed off.

"About?"

I cleared my throat and shifted nervously. The "friends" thing required me to be honest. I couldn't just ask him about Rob and Kristen. I had to ask him about the group and if they were going to wig out on me when I saw them, too.

"Whether I'm gonna get shanked by someone during dinner tonight."

"Why would you think that?"

"The girls and Rob have known for a while how I feel about you," I mumbled. "They really wanted me to tell you the truth. I think they figured things would work out, though I don't know why."

"They thought things would work out, because they knew _I _liked _you_. Maybe they just thought that once we got that out there, everything would be okay."

We pulled up to a red light, and he turned to look at me. Our hands were still in the thumb war position and I stared at them, more willing to deal with touching him in that innocent manner than looking back at him.

_Change the subject!_

"Are Rob and Kristen okay?" I blurted out, removing my hand from his and finally facing forward.

I saw him give me this look out of the corner of my eye that I immediately interpreted as that he knew I was desperate to change the subject.

_That's right, Motherfucker. I'm uncomfortable. I'm running._

"They're fine. Why wouldn't they be?" he asked.

"The pictures from the concert. I don't know how they deal with that shit. I didn't know if they were upset about it, or if they just let it roll off their backs. Personally, I'd hire a hitman and take every one of those fuckers out."

"That shit really bothers you? The lack of privacy we have?"

"Doesn't it bother _you_? You're not animals in a zoo, for crying out loud. You shouldn't have to be worried about being papped or having something as personal as your love life splattered across the newsstands. It's sick," I ended, pointing my finger at him.

I took the moment in, realizing I probably sounded like a nutjob on a soapbox. I took a couple of deep breaths in and harnessed my chi or whatever. When I looked over at Jackson, he had the smirk on in full force.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound irritated when I was really just mortified that I got all preachy on him.

"Nothing," he laughed, shaking his head.

When we finally reached the hotel and parked, we grabbed the groceries and hurried inside. Feeling bad at how late it had gotten, I quickly got started on making the _albondigas_. While I prepped the meatballs and got the soup part together, listening to Selena again, Jackson made the rounds of getting everybody in his room. Much like the dinner I made last week for them, Alex and I danced while everybody else chatted and waited for the food. When it was done, I made everyone go into the dining room while I made a large salad.

"Is that all you're going to eat?"

"Out of what I made tonight, it's all I _can_ eat," I laughed, looking over at Jackson while he glared at the lettuce in my hands.

"You should've just made a vegetarian meal, so you could join us."

"I'm all about saving the animals and not eating of their dead flesh, but I'm not going to push that on you guys. If you want to eat it, who am I to stop you?" I asked in confusion.

Jackson sighed, probably wondering how he managed to meet the most stubborn person on the planet, and walked into the dining room as I trailed behind him with the salad.

Dinner was surprisingly normal. I was on the receiving end of some glances from the girls, but other than that, nobody made mention of my fuckery from the past few days. They did, however, mention my little escapade into the world of epic humiliation by bringing up the concert again. To add to that, Jackson went into detail about my performance for those who I considered lucky enough to not have witnessed it first-hand. If the soup didn't have meat in it, I would've plopped my face into it and prayed it was deep enough for me to drown in. Instead, I folded my arms on the table and settled my forehead on them, groaning and repeating "la la la" over and over again so I didn't have to hear him. When I couldn't take it anymore, I jumped up out of my seat and started clearing the table. I muttered something about dismembered celebrities as I walked out of the door, causing the room to erupt into laughter.

We had the dishes and dining room cleaned in record time, and we made our way into Ashley's room to play Trivial Pursuit since her living room had the large TV and DVD player we needed. Most of the dinner peeps bounced after the cleaning, so it was Rob, Ashley, Nikki, Kristen, Taylor, Kellan, Peter, Jackson, and I left. Against my advice, Kellan and I weren't allowed to be on the same team. I warned them that things would probably get violent, having the two most competitive people on opposing teams, but they thought I was being overly dramatic.

It took forty minutes, but the violence finally erupted when I caught Kellan using his phone to look up some of the answers. He tried to deny it, but even Peter called him on it. I would've let the incident slide, but I found him sneaking back to his phone ten minutes later. I was about to jump on him, but Jackson threw his arms around me, locking my arms down so I couldn't take a swing at Kellan. Kellan and I play argued for a bit until Peter used his fake dad voice and threatened to turn the car around, making us all give him our cell phones so we could finish playing. I kept making snide comments about Kellan's cheating, throwing him the evil eye every now and again, throughout the rest of the game. Jackson kept snickering and would even join in on my commentary every once in a while. I was having so much fun, completely comfortable with everything and everyone, I didn't even realize that I spent the rest of the game sitting in Jackson's lap, his arms around my waist.

I left the hotel, forcing Jackson to stay in his room when he offered to come down with me. I knew he just wanted to have some quality time with the Obama car, but I wasn't going to deal with that. When I finally got home and in bed, I couldn't help but think that maybe the "friends" thing might actually work out. Spending time with Jackson had been a little awkward at first. I had never just told a guy how I felt about him to his face, and since I had done that with Jackson in the car, I considered that progress. If I could admit to him that I liked him, I could move on to getting over him just as quickly. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, knowing that I could possibly make it out of situation pretty okay.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. When I looked at the time, I groaned.

"You better have a good reason for calling me at eight in the morning, Pretty Boy."

"I wanted to know what time Suzy was coming in today. I was hoping to go with you to the airport."

"Oh? This wouldn't have anything to do with you wanting quality molestation time with the Obama car, would it?" I chuckled.

"That's just part of it."

"Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but Suzy's not coming in this weekend. She's already taken a shitload of time off to be here with me and won't be able to come back for another month or so."

"So you're free tonight?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Want to do a movie night at your place?"

"Sure. What do you guys want to see?"

"Oh... I haven't asked anybody else if they're free."

"Okay. Well, ask around and lemme know," I yawned. "Why are you awake so damn early?"

"More fight training. We'll be here until late afternoon."

"Well, go work and message me with the time you guys are coming over. Should I cook?"

"Nah. We'll just order in."

"Alright, Skippy. I'll see you later today then. I'm going to go back to bed now," I mumbled as I settled back onto my pillow.

"Bye," he laughed.

I woke up a few hours later and got ready for the day. For whatever reason, I was in a really good mood. I didn't know if it was the fact that Jackson and I had gotten over the initial embarrassment and managed to spend time together without things getting overly weird or that I knew that, if I could tell him I liked him to his face, I could also make a decent effort in getting over him.

I had a veggie chicken salad for lunch and spent most of the day with my lyric notebooks. When I was on the verge of carpal tunnel, I decided to give it a break. I went over the songs I had written and realized that my usual angsty lyrics were gone. Staring back at me were lovey-dovey songs.

_Where the hell did they come from?_

I chalked it all up to simply being in a good mood and went back upstairs to stash the notebooks under my mattress.

Five finally rolled around, and I got a text from Jackson letting me know that they were done for the day and would be over as soon as they had all returned to the hotel and showered. While I waited for them to arrive, I cleaned the living room, though it didn't really need it, and watched some mindless TV. A couple of hours later, the doorbell rang. I looked through the peephole and saw nothing but a pizza box.

"Pizza delivery boy, prepare to have your world rocked," I laughed as I opened the door.

The pizza box lowered, and Jackson threw me a smirk.

"Oh, sorry. Thought you were somebody else," I giggled. "I guess you'll have to do."

I moved aside so that everyone could come in. Along with Jackson were Rob, Kristen, Taylor, Kellan, and Ashley. Everybody but Jackson immediately moved to the coffee table. He swaggered over to the freezer and put a grocery bag inside. When I gave him a questioning look, he just told me that it was for later. I shrugged it off and started chowing down with everyone else. While eating, we tried to decide on what movie to watch. When we couldn't agree, we all moved down to the theater to choose. We somehow all managed to decide on watching _The Green Mile_. I guess it didn't help that I clapped and squeed at the mention of my Tommy.

"He's on your list, isn't he?" Jackson smirked.

"Was I that obvious?" I laughed. "He's _numero_ five."

"I thought twenty-five was your limit?" he asked.

"I don't care. It's Tommy," I shrugged and then dramatically sighed. "I should really be more careful about how often I admit that I like younger guys. Say hello to my stupid mouth," I said, pointing at it.

"I think Jackson already did," Kristen deadpanned as she read the back of the DVD case, causing everyone to laugh.

Rather than watch it in the theater, the group felt it was better to watch it in the living room, concluding that a cry fest should be out in the open. I didn't get the reasoning, but I went along for the ride.

Taylor, Jackson and I sat on the couch directly in front of the TV while Kellan and Ashley were on the left couch and Rob and Kristen on the right.

"Are you going to cry?" Jackson asked as he leaned over to me.

"Is Kellan a filthy cheater?" I retorted, saying it loud enough so that Kellan could hear me.

"Are you ever going to drop it? You won! Just be happy with that," Kellan grumbled.

"You cheated. She caught you. You're going to have to live with that little tid bit for the rest of your life," Rob threw in.

Kellan rolled his eyes and then threw a throw pillow at me, smacking me in the face. I was going to throw it back, but Jackson took it away from me and handed it to Taylor on the other end of the couch. With that, Kristen declared that it was time to start the movie. It was either that or she was going to call Peter to give us a talking to.

We watched the movie, and as always, I got so caught up in it, I cried like a baby or laughed like a maniac when necessary. As we approached the scene where John Coffey heals Melinda, ridding her of her brain tumor, I started to shift in my seat. It was always one of the hardest scenes for me to watch, despite being one of my favorites, because it was so raw and emotional. As the scene ended, the movie froze.

"Hey!" I sniffled, turning to Kristen since she had the remote.

"I think it's time for a break. I need to smoke, and that vein in your forehead's going to explode if we don't."

"It's not going to explode," I grumbled.

Kellan and Taylor went to the game room while Rob and Kristen went outside to smoke and Ashley joined them to use her cell. I walked to the kitchen to get some water, knowing I needed to hydrate myself for the rest of the movie.

"You want anything while I'm over here?" I asked Jackson who was still sitting on the couch.

"Have any beer left?"

"Sure."

I grabbed my glass of ice water and Jackson's beer and walked back to the living room. I set both down on the coffee table and went to take my seat on the couch but couldn't move. I just stood there. After a few seconds, I sat on the edge of the coffee table across from Jackson, my knees hitting the couch. He took a swig of his beer, and when he noticed that I hadn't really said or moved for a while, he slowly set it down on the coffee table.

"You okay?" he asked.

I couldn't respond. My mouth simply opened and shut like a fish out of water. As I looked at him with that concerned expression on his face, something clicked. I thought about how I was sitting here with a group of friends I never thought I'd have the chance to meet. I was having a great time, and despite the weird situation with Jackson, everything was okay.

Then there was Jackson. He had tried to push through my thick head by telling me that he liked me. And not just once. He went along with my friends theory to make me happy. When I really thought about it, he did a lot of things that made me happy. And here I was taking it for granted. I knew that there were a lot of things I still needed to work out within myself, but he didn't point out my flaws or make fun of my quirky ways.

"Iris?" he asked, moving off the back of the couch and closer to me.

I then did something that I had been holding back since this whole crazy vacation had started. I didn't even think about it. I just did it.

I kissed him.

I leaned in and took his top lip between the both of mine. As I held my mouth to his, I brought my right hand up and placed it on his left cheek. I waited for some sort of response, but when I didn't get one, I stopped and pulled back. Jackson opened his eyes and looked at me.

At first, neither of us said anything. We both just sat there. I could actually hear a clock somewhere tick by. When I had counted five ticks, I started to internally panic.

Before I could start thinking anything, he smiled. He fucking smiled that smile that made all the Jacksonites in the world go batshit crazy. I couldn't help but smile back. I was all set to just leave the situation as it was and move back to my seat on the couch, but Jackson leaned forward and kissed me. Finally getting the response I wanted, I smiled into the kiss. When I felt him smile back, I wondered what was going through his mind.

Suddenly, I felt his hands at my waist, pulling me forward. My left knee began to slide closer and closer to the back of the couch, my right knee slowly catching up. Before I knew it, he was sitting with his back against the couch and had me straddling him. One of his hands stayed at my waist, and I felt the other move up my back and snake into my hair. I brought both my hands up to cup his face.

In all of that, we never broke the kiss. And the kiss? It wasn't one of those explosions in the background type of kisses. It was slow and sweet and gentle. There was no tongue involved, but it didn't make it any less of a kiss in my book. I would have gladly snogged him senseless, but that wasn't what this moment was about. To be honest, I didn't know what it was. I didn't want to think about what it could all mean and ruin what was going on. All I knew was that I was kissing Jackson, and he was kissing me back.

"I'm too young to see this."

Jackson and I broke apart and looked up to where the voice had come from. Taylor jokingly had his hand over his eyes and was shaking his head as he and the rest of the group were standing at the edge of the living room. I didn't know what to do so I laughed. I moved my face into the crook of Jackson's neck and just laughed. He didn't say or do anything except run his hand up and down my back.

"Hey, it's me. You owe me twenty bucks," I heard Kristen say.

I looked up and saw her on the phone. She snorted and then shook her head.

"In the living room on the couch, Nik," she replied and then was quiet while she listened to whatever Nikki was saying. "No, there's some straddling going on but they're still wearing clothes," she said, making my jaw drop. "I'll give you details later, but I just wanted to let you know that I called it. Bye."

Before I could ask her what the hell that conversation was about, she explained.

"I gave you two until the end of the week to start making out. Nikki said it would take you until Sunday. I won," she smiled, shrugging as if it was nothing.

I was about to ask her why in the world she would bet such a thing when I noticed Kellan pulling his wallet out.

"Not you, too!" I exclaimed.

He merely laughed as he handed Rob a bill.

"I gave you guys until tomorrow."

I looked over at Taylor and Ashley, wondering if they were going to start exchanging dead presidents, too.

"I didn't get involved. I knew it would happen, but I just didn't want to put a time frame on it," Ashley said as she sat back down on the couch.

"I'm apparently not old enough to gamble," Taylor said, causing us all to laugh.

As the rest of the group moved back to the couch, I remembered that I was still doing the straddle thing and scurried off of Jackson, making my way back to my original spot on the couch. I looked over at him and smiled when he smiled back at me. I could tell we were being watched, so I ducked my head. Completely mortified, I grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to me. As the movie started back up, I looked back over at Jackson. The fucker was smirking. I couldn't help but giggle to myself. Apparently he heard me, because he whipped his head in my direction. Before I knew what I was doing, I scooted over to him. I tucked myself into his side as I brought my knees to my chest. I felt his arm go around me and his hand settle on my right arm.

I heard a resounding "Awwww" echo throughout the living room.

"Shut up," I whined, though the smile on my face didn't go away.

Everybody started laughing, and I could feel Jackson nuzzle his nose into my hair and chuckle. I brought my hand up to cover my face as I giggled.

"Can we go back to the movie already?"

Kristen was laughing too hard, so Rob had to take the remote from her. I shifted myself a little so I was a bit more comfortable and then wondered if I was bursting Jackson's personal bubble.

"Do you want me to move?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"No. Why? Are you uncomfortable?" he whispered back.

"I'm kind of all up in this and didn't even ask."

I started to pull away, my intention being to just sit next to him, but he didn't even give me the chance. He moved around a little on the couch but kept me tucked into him. Yeah, the giddy smile was pretty much plastered on my face.

The smile didn't last very long, though. Paul was trying to convince John to let him run off in order to avoid the execution. That followed by the actual execution? I was in full-blown hysterical sob mode. I tried to keep it to a minimum, but I was crying all over Jackson's shirt and my shoulders kept shaking. After that, I calmed down a bit. The movie was winding down and it helped that Jackson was running his hand up and down my arm, which kinda gave me goosebumps and soothed me at the same time. When the movie finally ended, I cleared my throat and got off the couch, whispering my sorry to him. He stood and simply kissed me on the head. After that got another "Awwww" out of everyone, I took my red face outside for a cigarette.

"Alright, you fools. Enough with the picking on Iris," I said as I walked back in from the backyard.

What I then noticed was that everyone but Jackson was missing.

"Did the second coming of Christ happen, and we weren't invited to join the party?" I asked him as he leaned against the island in the kitchen.

"I wanted to talk to you, so they went back to the hotel," he laughed.

"Oh."

I couldn't help but feel icky that the conversation wouldn't be good. The last time we talked, he was frustrated with me and I wanted to ram my head against a wall. That was when the all out worry began.

_He wants to continue with the "friends" thing._

_In the time it took me to smoke that cigarette, he came to his senses._

_Maybe he wanted tongue in that kiss, and I didn't give it to him so he's pissed._

"Wh-what did you wanna talk about?"

"First, I need you to go sit on the couch."

"Um, okay..."

I picked at the bottom of my shirt and dragged my feet over to the couch. By the sound of things, this definitely wasn't going to be a good conversation. I sat down and assumed my usual position of knees to the chest and hair all over the place. I heard the fridge door open, and I immediately turned around to see what he was doing.

"Hey! Turn back around. I'm working here," he chuckled.

_He's in a good mood. This can't be all bad, I guess._

I turned back around and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling. I wanted to believe that whatever he had to say was positive, but the pessimist in me was on a roll. If I smiled, things would definitely take a turn for the worst. That's just how it always worked in my life: Good first, then bad, or just bad all around.

I heard the fridge open again, the sound of cupboards opening and closing, and the clinking of silverware.

"You better not be trying to cook anything. I don't know if Juanita's family has insurance for that sort of thing," I said to him over my shoulder.

"I'm not cooking. And you better not be looking!"

"I'm not!" I whined. "See?"

I raised the back of my hair to show him that I wasn't actually facing forward and just hiding behind it.

"Just the back of my head. Okay?"

I heard him laugh, the opening of a drawer, and then his footsteps as he walked over to the couch. I kept facing forward even though I felt his weight on the couch right next to me.

"You're not gonna cover me in ketchup or something, are you?"

"Here."

I finally turned toward him and froze. There, in his lovely hand, was a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with white chocolate shavings on top. My head tilted a bit, and I stared at the bowl.

"Did I not get it right?" he asked.

I looked up at him, and he was glancing back and forth between me and the bowl of ice cream. Slowly, I reached over and took the bowl. I stared at it for a bit and then set it down on the coffee table.

"You've been talking to Suzy, too."

He smiled and ducked his head.

"She told me that this cheers you up after a movie makes you really cry. I didn't know what we would be watching, but I took a chance considering you cry at everything," he laughed.

It took everything in me to not lean in and kiss him again. I really, _really_ wanted to. The guy had called my best friend to find out what my cryfest ritual was, for crying out loud. And even though I hadn't hesitated earlier when I mauled him on the couch, I thought that kissing him again might be pushing it. While the earlier kiss had turned out okay - better than okay, actually - I didn't know how he felt about it. Maybe the ice cream was a way of letting me down easy. It's not like I kissed like a porn star or anything. The last time I had kissed a guy was three years ago. Yeah, the dude was hot, a Marine, and the kiss lasted two hours, but it was New Year's Eve and he was trashed. Maybe I was a shitty kisser. Maybe he didn't want to continue the spit-swapping thing. Maybe the kissing thing was making sure I kept cooking for him. I honestly didn't know. I needed to find out what this entire situation meant to him. There was nothing more I wanted to do than molest his lips on a regular basis, but a talk was in order.

I kept my head down as I reached over to the bowl of ice cream and set it on my knees. I noticed he had a bowl for himself, and it made me smile.

"So…" I began, quickly taking a bite of the ice cream so he would have to be the next to talk.

"So. I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot," I said, looking up at him.

_Is this the part where he asks me to be girlfriend? Do people still do that shit? Does he even want that?_

"I didn't see any sheet music yesterday when you were playing the piano. Did you memorize the notes?"

My head shot up. Obviously, that wasn't the question I was hoping. Hell, it wasn't even in the same family of what I was expecting.

"Um, yeah. Something like that," I replied.

"How?"

"I don't really know. I just listen to a song for a few hours, and the notes come to me."

"Can you do that on just the piano or on the cello, too?" he asked, finally digging into his ice cream.

"I can do it with all the instruments I play," I shrugged.

"How many do you play?"

I set the bowl back down on the coffee table and thought about the list.

"Um, let's see…" I started, using my fingers to start the count. "Piano, cello, violin, viola, fiddle, flute, piccolo, clarinet, and oboe. So," I looked at my fingers, "nine instruments."

"You're kidding, right?" he chuckled.

"It's not a big deal. It'd be a different story if I had perfect pitch like Suzy. I have to at least listen to the song over and over for a couple of hours before the notes come to me. It's just the product of not having friends as a kid and having a lot of free time on my hands," I lightly laughed.

"What do you mean you didn't have friends?"

"I didn't have friends until I met Suzy a couple of weeks into college," I shrugged. "I was that girl that nobody talked to unless you wanted your homework done for you. I spent more time with my teachers, but that was mostly just grading papers and averaging GPAs. I was too shy to try and talk to someone."

I picked up my bowl, took another bite of my ice cream, and waited for him to ask another question. When I was met with nothing but silence, I looked up at him. He was doing that blank stare thing again.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm just trying to imagine you being so shy that you couldn't talk to anybody," he answered.

"Very funny," I giggled.

We continued to talk for a while, slowly eating our ice cream until it was all gone. He asked more questions about my music, reluctantly letting him know that I wrote songs. It was fucking difficult to let him know that little bit of myself for so many reasons. One of those reasons was that I poured anything and everything into them. It was just _so_ personal to me. So personal, in fact, that nobody - not even Suzy - had ever even seen the inside of one of my notebooks. It wasn't that I was ashamed of what I had written. It was more the fact that I was so attached to my therapy that I couldn't take it if someone read the songs and then told me that they were horrible. It's one thing for me to know that fact for myself, but it's quite another to have that confirmed by an outside party.

When I explained that to him, he shrugged it off, stating that he didn't doubt that my writing skills were just as great as my singing or piano playing. I couldn't help but both snicker and snort in under two seconds flat.

I learned more about his music and what he listened to. I felt like shit when I admitted that I hadn't even heard of more than half the bands he mentioned, but he promised to get me hooked on them. He talked more about the band and the plans they had to tour after filming ending. It amazed me that he didn't seem to have a day off anywhere in his schedule. Apparently, Summit had so much banking on _New Moon_ since _Twilight_ went galactical, the usual three month shoot for a movie was extended to five, ending in October. After that, he explained how he and the rest of the Monkeys were hoping to start a major tour across the country. All of that on top of playing local bars and recording a new album.

"Are you trying to slowly kill yourself? That's a lot to take on."

"I just don't like having idle time. The music and the tour are too important to us to let any time waste."

"I get that. I just worry that with all the work and non-rest, you'll make yourself sick. I'm just thinking of your health, Squirrel Head. I feel like I should cook in bulk and send you off with tupperware and a UHaul full of pies for Graupner."

"Don't tell him that. He'll expect it," he laughed.

We talked more music after that. He asked me about what specific artists I liked and I didn't feel so bad when he didn't know half of them, either. It actually made me giggle. I asked him whether he and the boys planned on playing more shows in Vancouver while filming. He told me about set lists and how he sometimes forgets what instrument to pick up for a specific song.

The conversation remained light. We never discussed what I was dying to talk about. I shoulda just spoke up, but I was being a chicken shit again. Before I knew it, we had talked for almost three hours. We didn't even realize what time it was until his phone buzzed, a text from Ashley asking him if he was going back to the hotel. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he smiled and texted her back.

We both got up from the couch and stretched and slowly made our way to the door. I suddenly remembered that he still had the ice cream and white chocolate somewhere in the kitchen. Without saying anything, I walked over the freezer and grabbed the only bag I didn't recognize, knowing that it would hold the greatest dessert known to my tummy. I held the bag up in front of me as I walked over to him.

"You forgot this."

"Keep it for next time," he smirked.

"Nope. It's dangerous leaving this in my presence. Take it," I pleaded.

He rolled his eyes at me but took the bag out of my hands.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"You are now," he smiled.

"Oh, really?" I giggled. "Alright. Well, I'll make sure my schedule's clear then."

"Good," he nodded. "Oh! I forgot something. Hold this for me," he said as he held the bag of ice cream out to me.

I hooked my left hand into the loops of the grocery bag and tried not to get all sorts of giddy when my hand touched his.

"What did you forget?" I asked as I finally got a grip on the bag.

His fingers suddenly wove together with mine as they kept their grasp on the bag. I stared at our hands, trying my hardest to contain my squee. I then felt myself get pulled forward. I looked up to see a smiley Jackson.

He leaned down and kissed me. It was making my brain all foggy.

"God, I love your memory issues," I breathed when he pulled away.

When the fog lifted and I realized what I had said, I brought my right hand up and covered my mouth just like the time I blurted out that I liked him.

_I gotta watch the brain to mouth filter thing when in his presence._

This, of course, only caused him to laugh. He dragged me out onto the porch and finally let go of my hand as he walked to the car.

"Tomorrow?" he called back to me as he opened the driver's side door.

"Tomorrow," I beamed.

He smiled back at me and finally got in. I stood there and watched him drive off, the schoolgirl crush smile never leaving my face. As I swung around to walk in the door, something hit my leg. I looked down and realized that he had left me holding onto the bag of ice cream.

"Distracted by the lips. I can't even be angry with that," I giggled, closing the front door.

* * *

_**Y que? – And what?**_

_**Numero – Number**_

**_Albondigas _is an utterly delish, thick tomato soup that contains meatballs made out of ground beef and rice.**

**Reviews are like Jackson's car fantasy: Beautiful and completely indecent.**


	16. I'll Be There

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackriss**

**Translations at the bottom.**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / YbPTtX**

* * *

Two days.

That's how long it took me to crack under the pressure of the situation that was The Pretty. I didn't know exactly what it was that made whatever it was click the moment before I kissed him. I still didn't think I was good enough for him. I still thought things would be better if we were just friends. But kissing him was the right thing to do at the moment. Snuggling while watching _The Green Mile_? I considered that an added bonus.

After he left, I basically pranced around the house for a bit before I took my ass to bed. I couldn't stop smiling. My cheeks were starting to hurt. I'm pretty sure I squeed myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning still wearing that fucking smile on my face. It didn't leave while I showered, got dressed, or ate breakfast. I coulda given The Joker a run for his money at that point. The smile, if possible, got even bigger when my phone rang.

"Hi!"

"Someone's in a good mood," Jackson chuckled.

"I'm eating Fruit Loops. Of course I'm in a good mood."

"Okay," he laughed. "Fruit Loops. I'll remember that for later."

We talked for a little after that, and then he invited me over to the hotel to spend the day with the group. I was practically out the door and in the car before he got the question out. I was bouncing in my seat the entire drive to the hotel.

The moment I pulled into the back parking lot of the hotel, though, I was hit with an instant wave of panic. All the questions we didn't go over the night before came swirling back at me. I didn't know how to act around him now. So, we made out and got caught by the group. We cuddled while I cried all over his shirt. He called Suzy and got my favorite comfort dessert menu. He kissed me again before he left for the night. What the hell did it mean? Were we dating? Were we together? Was he just looking to get into my pants, because I was convenient?

I got outta the car and walked into the hotel. I had no idea what to do or how to act. Did I kiss him when I saw him? Would he be willing to talk it out? Did he even wanna have the talk? I was so lost in my head, I was in a haze while I rode in the elevator. Before I could even get a chance to turn around and run back to the car, booking it to the house, I got pulled out of the elevator by my arm.

"Ash? What's up?"

"Kellan's at the gym. I need your help. Do you still have the key to his room?" she smiled.

"Oh, I'm gonna be on the news," I dramatically exclaimed, throwing one of my favorite _Friends_ quotes at her.

I dug through my purse and found the key, the two of us giggling like little girls as we walked in and locked the door behind us. It was then I realized that she had a roll of saran wrap in her hand.

"Tell me we're not going to put that over the rim of his toilet," I laughed.

"You know this one?" she asked, twirling the roll in her hands.

"Hon, it's just as well-known as placing a bucket of water over the door."

"Then it's perfect! He'll be expecting something elaborate. He'll never guess that we've

gone back to the basics."

"Good point," I nodded.

After arguing over who was going to be the one to actually touch the toilet - I may love Kellan, but I wasn't willing to go there - we flipped a coin. I lost, of course. After listening to Ashley laugh at me while I gagged and saran-wrapped the porcelain throne, I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. Rule number one of a prank war is to always make sure you know where your opponent is. I broke it the moment I forgot to do the peek-a-boo thing and make sure that the hallway was clear. The next thing Ashley and I knew, Kellan was getting off of the elevator, catching us red handed.

"Were you two in my room?" he asked.

"No," we replied in unison, Ashley doing her best to hide the roll behind her back.

"You were!" he yelled.

He came running at us, and all we could do was scream and book it the other way. I had no idea what he was planning on doing, but the dude was sweaty and I wasn't in the mood to drive all the way home to re-shower. The hallway wasn't long, mind you, but it seemed to take forever for us to get there. Ashley and I somehow managed to out maneuver him, because we ended up running back the other way and toward the elevator. We did this little Olympic marathon of running up and down the halls a few times, cursing the day I took up smoking because my lungs were killing me. When he couldn't catch us both, he came after us individually. I had never been more thankful to be so short. I actually got away from him by crawling on my hands and knees.

"What the hell is going on?"

I looked up, still on crawling on all fours, and saw Jackson and Nikki poking their heads out of his room, causing the three of us to freeze. As I made eye contact with Jackson, I smiled. Then he smiled. And I almost forgot that I was on my hands and knees trying to escape a sweaty Kellan.

Almost.

I heard a scuffle behind me, causing me to look back. I guess Kellan had taken advantage of the distraction and hoisted Ashley up over his shoulder. She was yelling at him to put her down as she beat him with the roll of saran wrap. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, you're next," he laughed, coming right for me.

I got to my feet and started to book it.

"Run, Iris! Save yourself!" Ashley yelled as she hysterically laughed.

"Get in here!" Jackson yelled.

I ran into Jackson's room at full speed as he and Nikki slammed the door on Kellan. We could all hear Ashley squealing from the other side. I pressed my back against the door, giggling at the fact that Kellan always seemed to be chasing me into Jackson's room.

"What did you guys do?" Nikki asked.

"Ashley wanted us to put saran wrap on his toilet. He caught us coming out of his room and freaked," I panted.

Out of nowhere, Jackson leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before going back to looking into the peephole of his door.

"I don't see them, so they have to be at the other end of the hall," he said.

The casualness of the kiss threw me for a loop. I was two seconds away from giggling like that fucking schoolgirl, so I walked over to the living room and flopped onto the floor and on my back. My hair was everywhere, I was slightly sweaty, and I was panting like I was in a Lamaze class. I could hear Kellan and Ashley on the other side of the door, though I couldn't make out exactly what they were screaming about. It suddenly got really quiet, and then I heard the door swing open and slam shut. I raised my head off the floor to see Ashley come charging over in my direction and then sit on the couch. She was still holding the fucking saran wrap roll.

"I wish you guys could get out more," I breathed. "You're all getting stir crazy."

I could hear Nikki yelling at Kellan through the door, telling him he could only come in when he calmed down. I must've looked like a crazy person, laughing like a maniac while on the floor with my hair all over the place.

"You think he'll know what we did?" Ashley asked.

"Probably. All we can hope for is that he forgets that you were holding saran wrap," I answered.

I began to pull myself up off the floor when I saw Jackson's hands shoot out so that I could take them. He pulled me to my feet and smirked.

"By the time you two are done with this prank war, we're all going to be innocent bystanders," he fuckhawt chuckled, still holding my hands.

I didn't get a chance to make a snarky comeback, because he kissed me. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me to him as I let my hands rest on his forearms, the kiss itself being slow and deep. He pulled away the moment we heard Nikki's voice.

"That's disgustingly cute."

"I told you. At least they're not on a couch this time," Ashley threw in.

I rolled my eyes, an attempt to keep from making pompoms out of napkins and cheering my little heart out, and plopped myself on the couch next to her. It was close to lunch and we were all deciding what to eat. I called Kellan, hoping to call a truce so we could get him in on lunch. The Bronze Boys, as I had mentally begun to call the actors of the Wolf Pack, were nowhere to be found so they were out of the lunch loop. Rob and Kristen came over a few minutes later with Kellan on their heels. Peter was out doing some promotional something or another, but Liz decided to join us. We all couldn't decide on one specific place to order from, so three calls were made to three different places. While we waited for the pizza, Chinese, and my falafel sandwich to arrive, we got ourselves situated to eat in the living room. I became The Joker again when Jackson sat down next to me and put his arm around me. Whatever anybody was saying was completely lost on me as the only thing I could focus on was the arm around my shoulder and the chuckles that would come from the body next me.

"Iris, you in?"

"Huh?"

"Shopping. Nobody wants to go with me except for Liz," Nikki said.

"I'm not a big fan of shopping. I'll go, but I'm not spending," I laughed. "Are we taking a Batmobile, the Obama car, or are we walking?"

"What the hell's an Obama car?" Nikki asked.

I explained to her the deal with returning the rental and using Juanita's car while I was in the city. I also let it be known that the car and Jackson were having an affair, causing the room to laugh and earning me an arm squeeze from Jackson.

"Don't deny it," I said as I looked back at him. "You were having dirty and filthy thoughts about that car. I was afraid to leave you alone with her."

"Oh, you can leave her alone with me any time," he chuckled.

"You two are adorable. Now please stop. It's making me sick," Ashley said as she moved off the couch to answer the door.

All of the food we had ordered arrived relatively at the same time. We sat around, talking about nothing and shamelessly stuffing our faces. Jackson mentioned he had never tried a falafel so I was more than happy, though still a little wigged out, to feed him some. He gave me this strange look after he tried it.

"Do you like hummus?"

"Yeah, that shit's good."

"Falafels are made out of the same thing. They're just fried so stop giving me that look," I said, surprising him as I shoved a corner of my sandwich in his mouth, making me laugh.

It was moments like that one that I couldn't really define. It seemed like we were still just friends. Only now, we had added kissing to it. Not that I was complaining or anything. I just didn't know what to expect from him or if he expected anything from me.

We all finished our lunch, everybody deciding what they wanted to do with their day. Jackson mentioned he didn't have anything to do, and I immediately regretted agreeing to go shopping with Nikki and Liz. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to stay with him and do nothing. I guess my thoughts were pretty apparent in the face I was making, because Nikki suddenly stuck her finger in my face.

"You're not backing out on me, Iris. You can spend the rest of the weekend with him when we get back."

I groaned, smooshing myself further into Jackson's side as he and the rest of the room laughed.

"Fine. Let's get this shit over with," I declared as I got up off the couch.

I grabbed my trash, throwing it away as I made my way to the door after Liz and Nikki. As we rode the elevator down to the parking lot, they talked about what stores they wanted to hit. All I could think about was how I had wanted to kiss Jackson goodbye but didn't. All I could think about was how casual he had been with the PDA after the saran wrap fiasco and during lunch. All I could think about was how long it would be before I could kiss him again. Basically, I had Jackson lips on the brain.

"Oh, you've got it bad!" Nikki laughed.

"Leave her alone," Liz told her. "It's sweet."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, coming out of my haze.

"You have this goofy smile on your face, and you're staring out into nothing. Try and deny that you were thinking about Jackson."

"I wasn't," I mumbled, trying my damndest to get the smile off my face.

Nikki laughed like a crazed lunatic as we stepped out of the elevator, making our way to the back parking lot. Somewhere in my Jackson haze, I guess it was decided that we were taking the Obama car. We all climbed in, fastened our seatbelts, and decided where exactly we were headed. Nikki mentioned some street that had a bunch of stores she was looking to invade and gave me directions there.

Once we arrived and I parked the car, I wondered how the walk in and out of the store was going to go. I knew that word would eventually get out, and the paparazzi would start showing up. I really didn't want to get caught up in that. It wasn't my world. Plus, I didn't have bail money should I lose my cool and _Karate Kid_ crane kick their asses.

"Um, can I ask you guys something and hopefully not sound like a bitch?"

"Let's see," Nikki smiled.

"Would it be okay if I hung back a bit and waited until you guys were in the store before I joined you? The paparazzi and all…" I trailed off.

"Don't worry about it. Jackson told me about your hatred, so I'm not expecting you to do a song and dance. We'll give you a call when we get to the store, and then you can meet up with us," Nikki said.

As I watched them walk away from the car, my mind wandered back to lunch and how it had all gone down. Jackson and I, for the most part, were still acting like friends. It wasn't like much had changed. Yeah, we were smooching every once in a while but I didn't know what that meant for him. We didn't discuss anything other than music the night before. I wanted to have the "What are we?" talk, but I was scared that it would push him away. I was scared of what his response would be. I should've just asked and gotten it over with, but I chickened the fuck out.

When I got the text from Nikki letting me know what store they were in, I got out of the car and headed over. I spotted them the moment I made it inside. They were towards the back, away from any people who might recognize them. Nikki looked up and motioned me over.

"It's a good thing you waited. We were recognized walking this way," Liz mentioned.

"Just say the word and I'll be happy to Chuck Norris roundhouse them for being invasive bastards," I seethed.

"Wow. Jackson wasn't kidding," Nikki laughed.

They searched through racks of clothing as I looked on, hating that they didn't really carry anything I could wear. I made a disgusted face, which didn't go unnoticed by Nikki.

"What was that look for?" she chuckled.

"Shopping. I hate it," I sneered.

"Why?"

"Any time I find something cute, I remember that I can't wear it."

'Because..." Liz egged on.

"They don't have anything adorable in size 'Whale," I laughed, flinging the sleeve of a shirt that was hanging on a wall.

"You really need to stop that," Nikki said. "First, it's bull. Second, if Jackson hears you saying shit like that, he'll flip. He hates it when you do the self-deprecating thing."

I couldn't help by roll my eyes at her comment. She noticed it but decided to ignore my awesome comeback. They continued looking for another hour before they decided to move on to another store. Again, I waited for them to get inside before I followed. To try and keep myself occupied, I texted back and forth with Suzy, letting her know that I needed to talk to her regarding Jackson and about her little secret of telling him my cry fest ritual menu. She feigned ignorance, as I knew she would, and I told her I would beat her bloody with a spoon if she didn't give me all the details when I called her later.

After another hour and three shopping bags full of clothes, Liz and Nikki decided they were done. I headed out to the car first and waited for them to make their way back to it a few minutes later. As we were returning to the hotel, I spotted a kids' store and told them I needed to head inside to buy something. After a small interrogation, I parked the car and headed in without answering their questions. I found what I was looking for, bought it, and ran back out to the car. So they couldn't see what it was, I threw the bag into the trunk.

Realizing that I was probably staying for dinner, I dropped the girls off and texted Jackson that I was heading to the grocery store to buy something to make for dinner. The giant smiley face I received was all the confirmation I needed that my plan was a good one. Instead of going with something traditionally Mexican, I opted to make them breakfast. Breakfast for dinner was always one of my favorite things. Since they had mentioned earlier that they hadn't had it, I figured it would be okay. I drove back to the hotel with a smile on my face, trying not to let the complete and utter lack of knowing what was going on between Jackson and I get to me. I wanted to just be in the moment and not worry so much. I pulled in, got the food and my secret purchase out of the trunk, and waddled my way inside. Jackson met me outside the elevator on his floor.

"You're gonna make us all fat with how good you feed us," he laughed as he took some of the bags out of my hands.

"Then you'll be able to join my club," I replied, earning me a kick in the ass from him.

We put the food away and made our way to Ashley's room with my surprise purchase.

"Alright, what are you hiding in there?" Nikki asked as she tried to swipe the bag from me.

"Just something to keep us entertained since it looks like you guys are stuck inside for the rest of the day."

Humming the "Chariots Of Fire" theme song, pretty dramatically I may add, I slowly pulled the box out. I'm not ashamed to say I squeed a little when they all realized what it was and saw their smiles.

"We're really going to play Pictionary? After what happened last time, don't you think another game is detrimental to our health?" Rob laughed.

"As long as Kellan and I are on a team, everyone's safe to have a good time," I replied, getting a high five from Dimples.

We decided to play a little before I had to start dinner. The hilarity that was Trivial Pursuit and Cranium combined didn't stand a chance against the mayhem that was Pictionary. No matter how innocent the word or phrase might've been, everybody ended up making it something sexual. I will never look at a walkie-talkie the same way ever again thanks to Kristen and her infamous "So what if it looks like a dick with a waffle imprint on it?" line. The team Kellan and I were on lost, but we considered the fact that the room was still in order a victory for everyone.

They decided to go for another round while I made my way over to Jackson's room to start breakfast. I opted to go with regular pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, sausage, and toast. About an hour later, I texted Jackson to let him know that dinner was ready. When everybody came in, they immediately grabbed their plates and started loading up. Jackson eyed the food like a man who had been starved for years. He threw a bunch of everything onto his plate and darted into the dining room behind everyone else.

"Wait! You forgot the orange juice," I yelled after him.

He came running out of the dining room, gave me a super duper tongue kiss, and grinned like a little boy as he walked back in with the Tropicana. As much as I tried, I couldn't hold in the giggle.

We all sat around the dining room table, eating as we all discussed how we had spent the past few hours. Halfway through, The Bronze Boys made their appearance. I was thankful that I had made more food than necessary and offered to fix them each a plate.

"You are going to make some man very happy one day," Alex said as he took his plate and headed over to the dining room table.

"You're just saying that, because I keep feeding you!" I yelled after him, laughing at the absurdity of the comment.

As I sat there eating my chocolate chip pancakes, I kept zoning in and out of the conversation. Dinner. We'd done it a few times already, and this one didn't feel any different than the others. For some reason, I thought I might get some sort of indication as to what exactly was going on between Jackson and I from everyone else's attitude toward me. Nothing changed, though. The atmosphere was still light, everyone joking and chowing down.

"Kissing Jackson causes loss of brain cells," I heard Rob laugh.

I looked up and saw that half the table was looking directly at me.

"What?" I asked.

"We keep talking to you, but all you do is stare at your plate," Kristen replied.

"If that was true, half of the women in America would be stupid," Nikki laughed, answering Rob.

Suddenly, everyone got quiet. They all looked at everywhere but me. Ashley finally caught my eye and threw me a sheepish smile while Jackson shifted in his chair as if he was uncomfortable. All I could do was smile and go back to my plate.

Rumor had it that Jackson wasn't really an angel when it came to the ladies. Not that he wasn't a gentleman or anything but that he got around. I didn't really think that much about it when we started whatever it was we were doing, but it was always in the back of my mind. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that he had my innocent track record. I just didn't think it would ever actually have a chance to affect me directly.

The rest of the meal was pretty much quiet. I knew that Nikki's comment was meant as a joke, but it did ring some truth. The way everyone had gotten quiet and Jackson's fidgeting were evidence of that. _This_ was one of the reasons I wanted to find out what he and I were. I needed to find out if I was just a convenience, someone who was always there because I was alone in a city that I didn't know very well.

Before I could rack my brain any further, I felt my phone in my pocket vibrate.

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. – Nikki_

I looked up and met her eyes. She gave me a face of regret but I simply shook my head and snorted, hoping to make her feel better and let her know that I wasn't taking it to heart even though I really was. She smiled at my reaction and began clearing her spot at the table. Everyone else soon followed, thanking me for feeding them again. I would occasionally look over at Jackson to see if I could read his face, find out what he was thinking, but it was just blank. I started to freak out, wondering if he was hiding his expressions from me because what Nikki had said was true for me, too. I was just another groupie or something.

I went through the motions of cleaning the table and washing the dishes, as usual. Jackson still hadn't said anything to me by the time I was done. I was about to ask him if we could talk, but Kellan wanted a rematch in Pictionary. As everyone started heading over, I asked Rob and Kristen if they wanted to join me for a cig. The three of us walked to Rob's room and lit up. Before I could even finish exhaling the first drag, Kristen spoke up.

"What Nikki said? Don't worry about it."

"Oh?"

"She didn't really mean it. She has a habit of saying things before she thinks them through. It's one of the reasons why I love her. She doesn't have a filter."

"I guess we've just gotten used to it," Rob lightly laughed.

"I'm not wiggin out," I lied.

"Hey."

I looked up and found Kristen's eyes boring into mine.

"Don't make too much of it. You'll just drive yourself crazy that way."

I should've taken the open door and asked them if Jackson was really the man-whore some said him to be. I opted not to, though, knowing that this was a conversation I needed to have with Jackson himself.

We finished up and rushed over to Ashley's room. We walked in on a game already in progress, Kellan declaring that we took too long and wanted to kick some ass. For the next three hours, there was yelling, laughing, and more sexual innuendos than I knew what to do with. I didn't think strip poker could have been more sexually fueled. In the end, Kristen's team won, making Kellan and I more competitive than before and scheduling another rematch.

Since it was close to midnight, I decided to head home after our loss. I said "Goodbye" to everyone and made my way over with Jackson to his room. I grabbed my things and was hoping to just call it a night and take off. As I was heading to the door to leave, Jackson spoke up.

"Do I get to see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, if you want. I don't have anything else to do. Do you guys wanna come over? We could order brunch and do something outdoorsy in the backyard," I suggested.

"Sounds good."

"Alright, call me when you fools are heading over."

Despite Nikki's comment and my confusion as to what label Jackson and I were, I did what I wanted to do in that moment and that was kiss him. I walked over, stood on my tippy-toes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. I wanted to get into one of those kisses where I was basically eating his face, but I hadn't brought my toothbrush with me and my breath was probably pretty rank after dinner. A kiss was a kiss, though, and I was happy that I had made the first move.

"I'll see you _manana_," I said as I walked out the door.

As I was waiting for the elevator, I heard Jackson's door open. I looked over and watched as he came over to me. He took my face in his hands and smooched the life outta me, causing me to drop my purse as he pushed me against the wall.

"Thanks," he said as he pulled away.

"I should make pancakes more often," I joked.

"That wasn't for dinner," he smirked.

Another opportunity to have that much needed discussion flew out the window as the elevator door opened. I smiled and got in, watching him disappear as the doors closed.

I went to bed hysterically laughing that night as I got a text from Ashley letting me know that Kellan _had_ forgotten about the saran wrap.

The next morning, I went through my usual morning routine. Jackson messaged me around ten saying he and only three other people were coming over. Everybody else wanted to sleep in or had other movie star obligations to deal with. Since it was unbelievably gorgeous out, I wanted to keep true to my word and do something outside. Knowing that the pool was a definite no-go for me - considering I didn't want to be mistaken for a whale and be harpooned - I decided that a picnic would be best. I rushed over to the grocery store, shopped, and made it back to the house in under forty minutes. I made simple sandwiches to go with the fruit and potato salad I bought. Once they were done, I grabbed a blanket from the upstairs hallway closet and went outside to spread it out over the grass. I set up one of the tables from the barbecue close to the blanket, so we would have somewhere to place the food.

The doorbell rang just as I was walking back inside.

"Come in, you crazies!" I yelled as I grabbed the plate of sandwiches to take outside.

Jackson, Kellan, Ashley, and Kristen walked in and quickly rushed over to help me with the food. They followed me outside and placed everything on the table. Once we had plates and utensils, we all sat on the blanket, eating and chatting with one another. After we were done, we laid down on the blanket. Everybody kicked off their shoes and settled in. Ashley took out a bunch of magazines from her purse while Kristen got lost in a book she pulled out from somewhere.

"I miss being able to do this," Ashley mumbled.

"What, sweetie?"

"Just being outside and not having to worry about anything. I can't remember the last time I was just able to lay out with friends."

"The last time I tried just being outside and not doing anything, my bowl made its tabloid appearance," Kristen threw in.

"I remember that. Cute sweats, by the way," I laughed.

She thanked me by throwing me the finger.

Kellan, Jackson, and I left the girls to their reading while we talked about nothing in particular. The conversation finally ended when Kellan fell asleep.

"I usually don't enjoy the sun, but this isn't so bad," I mumbled as I lay on my back and closed my eyes.

"How do you not like the sun?" Jackson asked.

"You know how hot it gets where we live. Ew. I guess I've just gotten spoiled by New York winters. There's nothing like snow," I sighed.

I was starting to drift off, thanks to the warmth of the sun, when I felt Jackson take my hand in his. I looked over, squinting, and saw him completely at ease, his free arm behind his head and his eyes closed.

Once again, The Joker had nothing on me at that moment.

I wasn't sure of the time, but we must've all stayed that way for a couple of hours. We would've stayed outside longer, but Kellan's snoring was getting out of control. In an effort to wake him up, I rolled over onto his back. When he didn't even stir, I began tickling his nose with a blade of grass. He finally started to swat at me and mumble things none of us could understand, though we really weren't trying to since we were all laughing so hard. He finally woke up and rolled to his side, launching me onto Ashley and causing us to groan and then laugh. To return the favor, I snatched onto his back and refused to let go. Rather than try to throw me off intentionally, he simply stood up and piggybacked me into the house.

"One of these days, you're going to throw your back out," I said as he placed me on the floor of the kitchen.

"Shut up," was his great retort. "Movie?"

"Sure. Go pick something out while I'll clean up outside."

Jackson and Kristen joined him while Ashley helped me fold the ridiculously large blanket we had used and put the table away.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I answered, a little confused as to the tone she was using.

"I'm talking about what Nikki said last night at dinner."

"Oh. I'm okay," I shrugged.

"Listen, I'm not going to make excuses for him. Jackson's had his fair share of, you know, whatever," she began. "But we haven't seen him with anyone the way he is with you. To be honest, we never got the chance because they never stayed around. I hope you know that."

"It's just weird for me, I guess. To go from having a celebrity crush on him, to being friends with you guys, and then having whatever it is he and I have is kind of a mind-boggling mystery," I said, quoting one of my favorite lines from _Happy Feet_. "I'm just trying to make sense of it all."

"Do you want us to go, so you can talk to him?"

"Nah. I'll talk to him when the time is right. Besides, I could use a good distraction from all the crap floating around in my head right now."

We took everything back inside, throwing out what was left of the fruit and potato salad since it had gone all mushy from sitting in the sun so long. We made our way downstairs to the theater only to find that nobody could decide on a movie to watch.

"You pick it out. You're the movie buff," Kristen said as she settled in her seat.

I walked over to my collection and scoured the titles, trying to find something light and fun to go with the day we were having. As I was reaching for a case, I felt two arms go around my waist.

"What's it gonna be?" Jackson asked as he placed a kiss on my neck.

"I'll let you know once I get the ability to think again back," I smiled.

"Will you two stop making out and pick a movie already?" I heard Kellan ask.

"Keep it up, and I'll force you to watch one of these Lifetime movies I have," I threatened. "There's nothing like watching the cast of _90210_ try to give you a life lesson about premarital sex."

I decided to go with a movie that I had loved growing up. It was cute, fun, and always made me smile and cry.

"_The Boy Who Could Fly_?" Ashley smiled. "I haven't seen that in forever."

"Were any of you even alive when this movie came out?" I laughed. "God, you people make me feel old."

I threw the movie in and settled into the seat next to Jackson, occupying the back row as we always had before. As soon as the credits began, Jackson raised the armrest between us. He took my hand and tugged me closer to him. I tucked my legs underneath me and cuddled into his side. I spent the rest of the movie in that position, crying my eyes out and not daring to move even when my legs started falling asleep.

Once the movie was over, everybody stretched and made their way out of the theater, Kristen joking about my never-ending tears. I noticed that it was almost time for dinner and was about to ask what I should make when Kellan suggested they take off.

"We have to be on set before the sun's up," he groaned.

"Poor baby," I said, mocking his pout. "Making a movie that people are foaming at the mouth over must be _so_ difficult."

"You're such a pain in my ass. It's a good thing you feed me on a regular basis now or I'd lock you in a room somewhere," he smiled.

"Good to know my Mexicaness comes in handy for something."

Kellan walked out first, calling shotgun, and the girls followed behind him.

"Call us if you want to talk," Kristen said before she got in the car.

"What was that about?" Jackson asked after everyone had closed the car doors.

"I don't know. Maybe she's worried I'll be lonely with Suzy gone and you guys furiously working this week," I lied.

Not wanting to get into what I really needed to talk to him about, I held his hand as I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek to send him off.

"Give the wig a hug for me," I giggled.

"If you want to have quality time with that thing, I'll trade you for the Obama car," he smirked.

"Not a chance in hell. Besides, the wig means nothing to me unless it's being worn by a particular hottie."

"Yeah?" he asked, putting his arms around my waist.

"Yep. Kellan really knows how to wear that thing well," I laughed.

He rolled his eyes and then leaned down to kiss me. We pulled away the moment we heard a window roll down and Kristen yell at us to get a room. Jackson eventually let go and climbed into the car, mumbling something about always being interrupted.

The moment the car was out of sight, I ran back inside and called Suzy. I needed her all-knowing wisdom to help me make sense of what in the world was going on. When she picked up, I immediately launched into the details, pacing back and forth throughout the bottom floor of the house. I told her about the kissing and the hugging and the lack of actual important conversation. I didn't leave anything out, hoping that the smallest piece of information would lead her to a conclusion.

"First of all, you two sound really cute. I'm kind of glad I'm way over here, so I don't have to watch it and possibly throw up on your shoes. Second, you should've asked him what this whole thing means to him on Friday when you had your music talk. This is going to eat at you until you lose what's left of your sanity. Third, I have no idea what you guys are. It sound like you're together, but whether that means you're dating or more, I have no clue."

"Damn it, Suz! You're supposed to be my Yoda, my Zoltar machine. I give you a problem and you fix it," I sighed.

"The only thing I can tell you is to do what you've been meaning to and that's talk to him. Until you do that, you won't know."

"Why are you telling me things I already know? You're just supposed to give me the answer," I groaned.

"Sounds like you're growing up," she laughed.

"Screw that. I'm a Toys R Us kid."

I dropped the Jackson subject and asked her how things were back home. She told me about her work and that she was excited for her three week break in August. I made a note of the dates and promised her I would fly back home to spend some time with her if I was still in Vancouver when that time rolled around.

"You really think you'll still be there in two months?"

"I honestly don't know. If it wasn't for the Jackson thing, I'd be home by now. I don't know what this is to make a sound judgment on how long I'll be here."

"'Sound judgment?' Wow, you really _are_ growing up."

"Oh, bite me, bitch."

"And I take that back," she laughed.

Because of the time difference, we finished up the conversation so she could get to sleep. I thought about calling Juanita and letting her know what was going on, but I had a feeling she'd make kissy noises about the amount of PDA that was going on between Jackson and I. I didn't wanna have to deal with her silliness before bed, so I decided to call her the next day.

I made myself a light dinner and settled in the living room to watch some mindless TV. After a couple of hours of watching fake tits masquerading as women fight over Bret Michaels, I called it a night and headed upstairs. Just as I was brushing my teeth, my phone rang.

"Re-ro?" I said with my toothbrush still in my mouth.

"I'm not interrupting something important, am I?" Jackson chuckled.

"Ro-ron."

I quickly finished up and made my way back to my bed, getting comfortable under the covers with the phone in my hand.

"Oral hygiene is very important. I should be upset that you interrupted," I giggled. "What are you doing up? I thought you guys had to be at the set super duper early."

"We do. I just wanted to say goodnight."

How I managed to suppress my inner fangirl squee, I have no idea.

"I can't believe you're losing quality sleep time to call me. The wig's gonna be mad at me if you're not all there tomorrow, because you're tired."

"I'll just explain to the wig that I was talking to you and watch it be consumed by jealousy. Then it'll be so angry, it won't say anything to me."

"You're silly. But seriously? I don't wanna be held responsible if you have bags under your eyes tomorrow. The pretty cannot be compromised."

"Fine," he laughed. "I don't know exactly how bad my schedule's going to be this week, but I'll call you when I can."

"Alright, Skippy. Now, go get some quality sleep time. I'll talk to you tomorrow hopefully. Bye."

"Bye."

And with that, I spent another night smiling through my dreams.

Just as I thought, the following few days were Jackson-less. He had to be on set at the ass crack of dawn everyday and didn't get home til after ten every night. By then, he was so exhausted, he went straight to bed. He would call me when he would go to lunch or have a break, but the calls never lasted long. The time away from him gave me more time to try and analyze what was going on between us. All I ended up realizing was that I didn't have enough ibuprofen in the house to take care of the headaches I was giving myself.

I talked to Monkey and Juanita, hoping to get their opinions on this situation that I was sure was going to make me go prematurely grey. Juanita tried convincing me that we were "official" or whatever. She went on and on about how the PDA he was giving me was more along the lines of what a boyfriend would do. Monkey said she was with Suzy on this one and that I needed to talk to him before I assumed anything, good or bad.

When I wasn't trying to figure things out with the girls, I was trying to figure it out on my own. As far as the boyfriend thing went, it'd been a while since I had one so I didn't really have the right experience to decide one way or another. I also didn't know what Jackson had been like in his personal life with past girlfriends. I didn't know if this was how he acted with them or simply with all of the girls he had a small thing with. I almost blurted out the question several times while on the phone with him, but I knew that this was something that needed to be hashed out in person.

Thursday of that week started out like any other day. I was bored as hell and missed the fuck out Jackson and the rest of the group. I needed to get out of the house and quit thinking about what was totally consuming my every thought. After getting ready and eating a really late lunch, I headed to the nearest Target. I spent an hour scouring through clothes, sticking my tongue out at the items that I really wanted to buy but couldn't since I knew they'd look horrible on me. The only clothes I ended up grabbing were a package of socks. I made my way over to the grocery section and picked out little things I didn't have at the house. I had been staring at a jar of Nutella for a good five minutes, trying to convince myself it was its own food group and there was nothing wrong with consuming half the jar in one sitting, when I noticed that a couple of women at the end of the aisle were staring at their phones and openly crying. Not wanting to seem like a lurker, I grabbed the jar and walked over to a different aisle. There, though, I found another set of people who seemed to be freaking out, also staring at their phones. I didn't put two and two together until I walked back toward the clothing section and noticed that just about everybody was either deep in conversation or staring at their phone. I didn't know what to make of it so I walked up to one of the groups.

"Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but can I ask what's going on? Everybody's kind of freaking out," I said as I waved toward another group of people who looked like they were also crying.

"Michael Jackson died," said one girl through her sniffles.

"I'm sorry? Michael Jackson what?"

I immediately went through my purse to find my phone. I hit the CNN application and tried to be as patient as possible as it loaded. I was trying to stay calm, not wanting to burst into hysterical tears in the middle of a Target, but I lost the battle when the very first thing that popped up was, "Michael Jackson Dead At 50 After Cardiac Arrest." I didn't bother reading the article. I ran out of the store, got into the car, and drove like a maniac until I got to the house. I turned on the TV and was hit with image after image, story after story of what had happened. I sank into the couch and just cried.

I could vaguely hear my phone ringing like crazy from somewhere inside my purse. I was too into watching the screen, wanting to find out just how one of the greatest entertainers the world had ever known had passed. If there was ever any doubt as to my crying abilities, June 25th really put those doubts to rest. I can't remember ever crying so much, hour after hour, news flash after news flash. It wasn't the hysterical crying that I saw on the screen of MJ fans outside of Neverland. I just sat there and stared at the TV, silently crying and pretty much unable to move. I guess I was in shock.

I don't know how long I sat there for. I could hear my phone going off every minute or so. I was surprised it hadn't died yet considering. It wasn't until I heard the doorbell that I thought about getting off the couch. I looked at the clock on the MTV screen and realized it was almost 7pm. I didn't think about anything as I finally moved to answer the door. Still keeping one eye on the screen, I opened it. When I realized who was on the other side, the tears came even faster.

"I'm so sorry," Jackson said.

I did the only thing I could do at that moment; I launched myself at him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged the shit out of him. He shushed me and walked me back into the house, sitting me on the couch and turning off the TV. He basically let me cry it out for a while before I started to wonder what he was doing at the house.

"What are you doing here?" I hiccupped.

"Suzy called me when she heard what happened and couldn't get a hold of you. She didn't really say much other than that I needed to get my ass over here. She was worried."

"Oh."

He got off the couch and came back a few minutes later with a roll of toilet paper in his hands.

"Sorry. I couldn't find any tissues," he said.

"Thank you," I sniffled.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I spent the next hour telling him about how MJ had affected me. I told him how I had spent hours learning the choreography to his videos as a way of keeping myself entertained as a kid since I didn't have friends. I told him about how, along with John Cougar Mellencamp, he had helped me to learn English when my family had first moved to America. I steered clear of the child molestation allegations. I didn't even wanna go there for fear that I would really freak out, possibly throwing something super expensive that didn't belong to me.

Jackson sat there the entire time and just listened. He never interrupted, he never laughed at me, and his eyes never left mine. He held my hand and just took all of my babbling without rolling his eyes or checking his watch. As I was ending my rambling fest, I noticed how tired his eyes were. I couldn't help but cry a little more.

"I'm sorry," I said huskily, my throat raw.

"For what?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.

"For being a freak," I tried to laugh. "You should be back at the hotel resting instead of dealing with this mess."

"Stop," he immediately said, halting what I was about to continue saying. "This is obviously important to you. Don't make light of it."

"Really? You don't think I'm a nutcase for being so emotional?"

"No," he chuckled. "Not a nutcase."

He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I was so happy that he didn't think I should be committed, I was ready to go for round two of straddle and kiss, but the doorbell rang again. Jackson pulled away and smiled, telling me to stay put. When he opened the door, Ashley, Nikki, Rob, Kristen, Kellan and Taylor came in. Rob was waving Chinese food around like it held the world's happiness in those tiny boxes. I guess it kind of did since I couldn't help but laugh. Kristen was the first to come over to me, giving me a one-armed hug.

"Sorry it took us so long to get here. Taylor and Peter needed some time to deal with the news themselves, and Suzy said it might be good to give you some time alone with Jackson, though."

"She called you?"

"She called Ashley after she couldn't get a hold of you all day, and Jackson stopped answering his phone."

I saw Jackson reach into his pocket and pull out his cell. He showed me the screen and the seven missed calls from Suzy since he had gotten to my place.

"I should probably check my phone," I muttered.

I pulled myself off the couch and walked over to my purse as everybody else laid out the Chinese on the island. I pulled out my phone and did the wide-eyes thing when I saw the screen: thirty-two missed calls and nineteen texts from Suzy, twelve missed calls and twenty-three texts from Juanita, two missed calls and forty-eight texts from Monkey. There were even missed calls from my parental units. I grabbed the cigarettes out of my purse and took a deep breath.

"I'm gonna step outside real quick. I just need to call some people and let them know I'm okay now."

"Do you want company?" Jackson asked as he walked over to me.

He put his arms around my waist and looked down at me with the most concerned face a person could make. I tilted my head to the right and just looked at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," I said, putting my hand on his cheek.

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and stepped back.

"I'll be fine. Go eat. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

I stepped outside, lit up, and called everybody back. I let them all know that I was fine, that the group was with me, and I was dealing. Suzy offered to fly back out, but I told her to stay put, that I was a big girl and could deal with this. I mentioned to her that it helped that I had Jackson and the rest of the group with me. Juanita was crying when I called her back. We talked each other down, laughing at our stories of imitating his music videos as kids. I texted Monkey back to let her know that I was no longer on the ledge. I was surprised when she responded by calling me instead of texting me back.

"Monkey?"

"Are you really okay?"

"I'm fine. Well, not entirely fine but I'm better than before."

"I was worried when I couldn't get a hold of you. I had to message Suzy to find out how you were. She told me that Jackson had gotten to you, though."

"Sorry. I was pretty out of it until he came over."

"He seems like a good guy. I'm not surprised."

"Yeah," I whispered. "Hey! Do you realize this is the first time we've ever actually talked on the phone?" I laughed.

"We're breaking ground here," she softly laughed.

We made small talk and eventually hung up. I called my Dad's cell next and was immediately hit with questions in both Spanish and English. I could hear my Mom in the background telling him to ask me if I was okay. I actually laughed at just how well they both knew me to understand that MJ's death would hit me hard. It took me a bit, but I finally convinced them that I wasn't going to do anything rash.

I finished up my third cig and walked back in. Everybody had moved to the living room and was chatting until they heard my footsteps on the linoleum.

"You okay?" Nikki asked.

I nodded as I walked over, happy to see that a plate had been set on the coffee table for me. I smiled when I saw that it was shrimp lo mein. I sat on the floor in front of Jackson, not wanting to disturb the group since they were already seated on the couches.

"You know, if you need to feel better, you could always touch my abs. They seem to make the ladies happy," Kellan smirked.

For the first time since everything went down, I laughed a genuine, stomach-aching cackle.

"Jackson doesn't have these babies, so feel free."

All I felt was a whoosh of air from behind me before I saw a throw pillow land on Kellan. Jackson and Kellan verbally went at it, Kristen and Rob trying to act as refs, as I ate.

"Thank you for coming over," I said, clearing my throat as I pushed my plate away. "I'm sorry for the dramatics. That's just not the type of news you expect to hear when you're holding a jar of Nutella in the middle of Target."

"Stop it. This is a pretty big thing. My parents can still remember where they were and what they were doing when they heard that John Lennon was killed. It'll be the same for us," Ashley said.

"And unfortunately, you'll always remember it as having to try and calm Crazy Iris down," I laughed, pushing off the floor and taking my plate to the sink. "It's just that two of my four are gone now."

"Selena?" Jackson asked.

I nodded and took a suddenly open seat next to him, Taylor having moved to sit next to Nikki.

"The other two?" Rob asked.

"Mariah and Boyz II Men," I replied. "And I don't even want to think about something happening to her," I shuddered.

"Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be bitch when I say this, but… Why her? Why anybody?" Kristen asked. "I'm genuinely curious as to how this mindset works, the whole life-dedication thing."

I knew this question would come up eventually. Once people found out about the Mariah thing, they would immediately dive into asking me about how and why I would dedicate myself so much to someone I didn't have a personal relationship with.

"I think what you guys experience is a little different. Mariah, for example, has been in my life for almost twenty years. And it's always been more than just what she looks like," I said sheepishly as I gestured to Rob, making him laugh. "We all go through some serious shit in life, and she was who I turned to to help me get through mine. You know how they say that music changes you? That's what it was for me. I'm proof of that. Plus, the fact that she also has the career I've always wanted was part of it, too," I lightly laughed. "The other three are nowhere near the same realm as Mariah, but their influence was still pretty big. MJ was always, in my eyes, a fighter. The crap he went through as a kid and then as an adult? It changed how he thought of himself, but the music and the entertainment part never failed. It was always a major event when he did something. You don't find very many genuine artists like that these days."

I stopped and looked around, feeling my face get hot as I took in the fact that everyone was listening closely.

"And I'll stop rambling now," I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes.

Noticing how late it was and knowing that they had work early in the morning, I assured the group that I was fine and that they should head back. I thanked them for dinner and for coming over, making sure to give everyone a hug. Just to appease Kellan, I quickly ran the back of my hand over his abs, shirt on, as I jokingly said, "Ooh, baby." The abs thing worked considering I couldn't stop laughing even after Jackson snatched my hand away from Kellan. Everybody walked out and left Jackson and I in the doorway to talk.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine. _You_ should worry about getting some sleep. The pretty's not shining through as much with the dark circles under your eyes," I joked.

He rolled his eyes and laughed, making the next thought just fly out of my mouth.

"And it comes back in full force."

He cupped my left jaw with his hand and leaned down to kiss me.

"I'll call you tomorrow," he said after he pulled away.

"Okay. Thanks for everything. I feel better."

He quickly kissed me on the forehead and then headed out to one of the cars waiting for him. I waved at them as they drove away. No sooner had they left the driveway did I get a text.

_If you start feeling sad again, think of the moment you shared with the abs. – Kellan_

The week leading up to the fourth of July was spent sitting in front of the TV and looking up information on the internet. I didn't get to spend time with the group during the week since they were filming in full force. I talked with Jackson at least a couple of times a day, though. I'd get texts from everybody else just wanting to find out how I was doing. I thought it was really sweet of them to check up on me, though they might not have gotten where I was coming from.

The group flew to Los Angeles for the holiday without any big declarations or dramatics. Jackson gave me a stellar goodbye kiss before he left for the airport, though, leaving me with the goofiest smile I'd ever sported and holding me over until he got back. I started missing him before he had even left, but I kept reminding myself that it would only be three days until he returned. I had contemplated flying back to New York or New Mexico, a way of distracting myself, but figured it would've been a waste of money since I had every intention of coming back the following Monday.

The fourth came and went, and I was waiting around the house to hear that everybody had gotten back to Vancouver safely. Jackson texted me the moment he landed and asked that I meet him at the hotel. I got there first, so I sat on the floor against the wall across from his room trying to be as patient as possible. Two false alarms later, Kellan and Nikki getting off the elevator, Jackson finally showed up. I heard his boots hit the hallway carpet and I jumped up from where I was sitting. There was no movie moment running to him, no declaration of feelings, no theatrics. He simply walked over, kissed me, and led me inside his room by the hand. He had to be at the set early the next morning again, so all we did was talk about what he did for the fourth and the MJ memorial I planned to watch that Tuesday as he unpacked. I stayed for maybe an hour and then went back home after I stopped by to see everybody else who had arrived by then.

Monday was the same as the past week. Jackson went to work early and got back to his hotel room to pass out around dinner time. Tuesday was a day I'll never forget, though.

The calls and texts hit my phone in full force since people knew that the memorial was that day. Everybody kept asking me if I was going to be okay. I was… until the memorial actually began. I watched and cried, looking on as some of the world's most famous people paid tribute. When Mariah and Trey Lorenz hit the stage to sing "I'll Be There," I lost all control of my eyes' fluids. I was sobbing as I watched her try to not to cry as she sang the song. It was unbelievably difficult for me to see her so distraught. It pained me. When MJ's kids hit the stage to talk about their dad, the sobs came back. I was finally able to collect myself once the memorial was over. Little did I know that some of the news stations were planning on running it several times over. Since I didn't have anything to do, I watched it again.

Around 7pm, the doorbell rang. Sure enough, Jackson was standing on the porch with Ashley, Kellan, and Taylor behind him. Knowing that I would probably forget about eating, they brought over pizza. With the TV still playing in the background, we ate at the island as they told me how the shoot was kicking their asses. I heard the memorial finally end and almost ended up with whiplash as the music video for "Thriller" came on. I don't know why, but I started to laugh. I guess I was just all out tears by that point.

"What?" Jackson smirked.

"I know this entire video by heart, choreography and everything," I giggled.

As I watched the opening unfold, I couldn't help but mimic the lines out loud.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you," I said in a high voice, still keeping my eyes on the TV screen.

"Can I ask you something?" I heard from behind me.

I turned around and found Taylor smiling liking the devil as he had just said MJ's next line.

"Shut up," I said to him. "You know this, too?"

"Now, it's official. I have something I want to tell you," he continued on.

We kept at it, saying the lines perfectly, though we were laughing hysterically. I couldn't have kept a straight face if I tried.

"This shit shoulda scared me as a kid, but it didn't. Is it weird that it scares me now?" I asked to nobody in particular as MJ began his transformation.

"I'm shitting my pants over here," Kellan called out, causing all of us to laugh.

"See? You should arrive on set looking like that one of these days," I said to Taylor as MJ had finally morphed into the werewolf. "Just tell Summit that this is what you had in mind."

"Yeah, I'm sure that'll go over well."

We continued watching as the scene changed to the audience watching the movie. The moment MJ and Ola were outside, Taylor and I went back to mimicking the dialogue.

"God, I know you weren't even born when this video came out, but that red jacket? That was the ish back in the day! Mom got me one, and I had just about convinced myself it was the same one that he wore in the video. I sported that thing everywhere I went. No wonder I didn't have any friends," I laughed.

As the cemetery scene came up, I sorta squeed.

"What?" Jackson laughed.

"Zombies! We're about to get dancing zombies, man," I beamed. "This choreography's amazing. Suzy and I dance to this every Halloween just for shits and giggles."

"I don't believe you," Taylor threw at me. "I think you're gonna have to show us."

"Oh, no. I'm not falling for that."

"I'll let you in on a little secret," he whispered. "I know all the moves, too."

"Really? If you dance, I'll dance," I challenged.

"Deal."

We took off our shoes and headed toward the living room though we stayed behind the couch so we could have enough room to bust a move. When the choreography kicked in, I was actually pretty surprised to see Taylor really dancing.

"Oh, this is going to be embarrassing," I muttered to myself.

Instead of chickening out, I went for it. Taylor and I could've given the kids on _Fame_ a run for their money with the amazingness that was our dancing. We went through the whole thing as the video played on the TV, cackling while staying on point with our dance moves. Once it was over, he and I high-fived and turned around to see the three of them staring at us.

"Don't be jealous. We rocked," Taylor said as he walked back over to pick up a piece of pizza.

"How did you guys learn that?" Kellan asked.

"Dance classes," Taylor said.

"No friends as a kid equals loads of free time with MTV," I shrugged.

Kellan suddenly walked around the from behind the island and grabbed me by the hand and Taylor by the arm.

"I'm not going to be the only fool who doesn't know this dance. Show me," he said.

Taylor and I just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders, and then started to give him the basics of the choreography. After a while, Ashley joined in. When I noticed that Jackson was still hanging out by the pizza, I walked over to him.

"You don't feel like getting your John Travolta on?"

"No," he smirked, shaking his head. "I'm just gonna watch you, if you don't mind."

I couldn't help but smile and shake my head as I walked back to Kellan. Just like the time I tried to teach him to dance a _cumbia_, Kellan wasn't getting it. Ashley, on the other hand, was spot on. After watching the dance four or five times on the computer and trying our hardest to get his legs to cooperate, Taylor and I deemed Kellan un-teachable. We blamed it on his lack of rhythm. We all laughed about it for a good while until we realized how late it had gotten. They still had early shoots to report to, and I felt bad enough that they were keeping me company so that I didn't cry the night away.

"I'll be out there in second," Jackson told Ashley as she dragged Kellan and Taylor out the door.

He walked over to me and took the pizza box I was ready to toss in the trash out of my hands.

"You know you can call me if you need me, right?" he asked as he took my face in his hands.

"Of course," I whispered, all I could basically do since I was zoning out while looking into his eyes.

"Do me a favor? I know the worst of it is over, but please don't cry anymore. Your eyes are puffy, and it makes it hard for me to see them."

I snorted.

"At least I asked," he chuckled.

"Be off with you," I dramatically exclaimed as I pushed him out the door. "Thy fancy cars and famous friends await."

I walked with him to the car and held in a squee as he kissed me before he got in. I walked back in after seeing them off and planted myself on the couch, thinking back to the past two weeks.

I still had no idea what the hell Jackson and I were. In my heart, we were together, though I didn't know exactly how to define it. I just knew. What scared me was what he thought. He would go from acting like we were nothing more than friends at times to kissing the hell outta me at others. I still made dinners. They still ordered take-out. We were still picking on Kellan. The group didn't treat me any differently after the steady smooching began. As badly as I wanted to have some sort of label on what we were, I realized that, for the time being, I didn't really care. Jackson was there for me when I needed him. He had taken time out of his sleep schedule to sit and comfort me in a situation that he didn't necessarily understand. Whether we were dating, together, or The Doublemint Twins, I'd ask him about it or figure it out for myself later. In that moment, Jackson made me happy, and I didn't care about anything else.

* * *

_**Manana – Tomorrow**_

_**Muchacho – Boy**_

_**Re-ro? – Hello**_

_**Ro-ron – Hold on**_

_****_**Reviews are like Jackson taking care of you: they make me wanna spin around Julie Andrews-like on top of a mountain. **

**(ftr, this is my least favorite chapter of the story. idky. I contemplated taking it out entirely but decided against it.)**


	17. Breakdown

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**_  
_

**No translations this chapter.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / Vh86yt**

* * *

_I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's not like I haven't fed them before._

My eyes kept glancing between the clock and the oven. The crew was set to arrive any moment, and I was praying that I didn't ruin dinner. I didn't want to fuck up my thank you to them. The timer on the oven went off and I nearly jumped at it, my nervousness about the whole thing kinda getting to me.

I pulled the three tins of meatloaf outta the oven and lowered the temperature before placing the foiled potatoes in. As I was making sure that the beer was cold and ready to overflow in abundance, the doorbell rang.

"Come in!"

The door swung open, and as I requested, every person who helped comfort me through the MJ craziness walked in the door.

"I hope you have enough food, woman. I didn't eat all day in preparation for this dinner," Kellan said as he walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I placed the meatloaf, turkeyloaf, and veggieloaf on the table along with the green bean recipe Suzy's family gave me a few years ago. Kristen asked me how I was doing as she and Ashley took the salad and breadsticks over to the table to place near the loaves.

Once Jackson had put enough beer on the table to satisfy a frat boy, he walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss. I don't know what came over me, but I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him back in for another. The fact that we were in a room full of our friends who could blatantly see us sucking face didn't even register as he pushed me against the fridge.

"If you two start dry humping, I won't hesitate to throw this salad on you," I heard Kristen say.

"Shut up," Jackson mumbled against my lips, causing me to smile against his.

"We should probably stop before we're hosed down," I said.

"Fine," he agreed, pulling away from me. "We'll finish this later."

He gave me that panty-dropping smirk and I actually said, "Gah!" He chuckled at my reaction, giving me a quick kiss on the lips before he was dragged outside by Rob for a cig break. Everyone else chatted while we waited for them to come back in. Once we were all in the dining room, we sat and began to chow down, making conversation and laughing like hyenas as usual.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what's with the big dinner?" Nikki asked halfway through.

"Um, well, I guess I just wanted to thank you guys for, you know, being there for me these past couple of weeks. And also to say I'm sorry for being such an emotional basketcase," I replied, not looking at anyone. "So, thank you for not laughing at me and shit. I wish I could do more than just make you dinner, but…" I mumbled as I shrugged my shoulders.

I smiled when Jackson leaned over and kissed my temple. I ignored the urge to throw a breadstick at everyone who was doing the "Awww" thing again. I snorted instead and just went back to eating my slice of veggie loaf. Once we were done, I grabbed the baked potatoes out of the oven and set them on the table. I placed sour cream, chives, bacon bits, cheese, butter, and anything else I could think of next to the foiled Idaho goodies.

"Rather than do a traditional dessert, I thought I'd go with a baked potato bar," I said.

My ears got hot as I said the words out loud. The idea sounded great when I first thought of it, but now it just seemed stupid. My embarrassment went away when I saw Taylor actually slap at Kellan's hand, because he was going for the biggest potato on the table.

We finished with the potatoes and made our way out to the screened-in porch. We took a shitload of beer with us and sat around, talking and laughing. I sat on the floor of the porch with my back against Jackson's chest, sitting in between his legs. Considering we never talked about anything significant, we, as a group, always had a lot to say. We joked and drank and just _were_.

I couldn't help but blush or giggle when Jackson would chuckle, and it would reverberate throughout my body. Or when he'd lean his head down and kiss my neck. I vowed that I wouldn't worry about the label thing so much and just enjoy my time with him. We _acted_ like a couple, but I still didn't know what we were for sure. I wanted to ask him, but I also didn't wanna see the trail of dust he left when he took off running from sheer terror. It was important to me to know what we were, but it was also important to me keep him in my life for as long as I could. The "What are we?" question never worked out well for my friends, but the guys they usually posed the question to were douchebags who didn't deserve their dicks in the first place. _This_ was Jackson. He wasn't douchey by any means, and I didn't wanna scare him off.

Though it was Friday and they didn't have work the next day, everyone decided to take off before midnight. They were all exhausted, so I was just thankful they had agreed to come to dinner in the first place. I tried not to giggle too much when Jackson pushed Kellan out the door and then closed it, leaving everyone outside the front of the house.

"So," I began. "Is there a particular reason why you scooted everyone outta here like the house was on fire?"

"We have some unfinished business, and I don't think they'd appreciate being around for that."

I let out this really loud "Ha!" and then covered my mouth while I laughed into it. He chuckled as he took my hands and brought me to him. He tilted his head down and gave me this deep and slow kiss. I did what I could to keep from shoving him against a wall and bruising his lips with mine. God must've been paying attention to my thoughts at that moment, because Jackson started walking me backwards until I felt my back hit a wall. Then, all make-out hell broke loose. I let my tongue trace his bottom lip, hoping he'd be open to some tongue wrestling. The moment our tongues touched, he grabbed me by the hips and got aggressive with the smooching. I grabbed his hair with both hands and didn't dare let go. I did that "Take me now, Jesus!" whimper thing again, which only made him move his right hand to my ass.

_Hello, Mr. Roaming Hand!_

I felt that puppy linger there for a bit before he squeezed. I'm sure the peeps outside waiting for Jackson heard the horrendous whore moan I let break free. I didn't care, though. My whore moan brought out his whore moan, and then were both just basically whore-moaning.

I don't know how long we kept it up but it must've been a while, because before we knew it, the cars outside were honking their horns like crazy. We broke apart and panted into each other's necks. He brought his arms around my waist and hugged me, still panting. I kept my hands in his hair. because those locks were just too fine to let go.

_Jesus, even his hair makes me wanna molest him._

"Stop whatever you're doing, horndogs! We gotta go!" we heard someone yell from outside.

We both laughed but didn't let go of each other. In fact, the way his chuckle felt against my neck made me wanna lock the front door and mount the dude. Instead, I cleared my throat and pulled away from him a little so I could face him.

"I guess you need to go."

"Unfortunately," he mumbled against my lips as he kissed me again.

We were just getting started with Round Two of Make-Out Session 2009 but the car horns started going off again. I groaned and finally let him go. I noticed his hair had that finesse known as "I just got some," so I tried to tame it the best I could. I didn't need any snickering or snarky comments from the group when we got outside. I straightened my shirt and did my best to not look like I had just been willingly molested. I took him by the hand and walked him out the front door.

"At least they're still wearing pants," Nikki laughed.

"Hey, Nikki. I have a present for you," I said.

She raised her eyebrows at me, and I gave her my most innocent smile as I raised my free hand and flipped her off. She threw her head back and laughed, eventually returning the loving gesture. Rob, Kristen, and Jackson shared a smoke before leaving which seemed to give Ashley the open moment she had apparently been waiting on.

"I was going to ask if you two were talking, but by the look on your face, I'd say talking wasn't done," she giggled.

"The look on my face?"

"You look like you just got done with a quickie."

I let out this "Eep!" and buried my face in my hands as I let her know that a quickie had not been had.

I hadn't spoken much with Taylor during dinner, so I sought him out and just chatted. We jokingly made plans to don gangsta outfits and dance the choreography to "Smooth Criminal" before the weekend was over. The girls made a mention of wanting to go shopping the next day and asked if I wanted to go along. As much as I wanted to spend the day with Jackson, continuing that little romp we just had, I knew he had a speakerphone meeting thingy for most of the day with the other Monkeys who were in LA. Vowing to groan and protest as much as humanly possibly, I agreed to tag along. Jackson gave me a quick kiss and a slap on the ass, making me giggle and squirm, before getting into one of the cars. His little stunt earned us some whistles so I retaliated, quite maturely I think, by turning around and walking away, throwing double birds high enough that they could all see.

I headed over to the hotel a little before noon the next day. As the elevator door opened on Jackson's floor, I took a precautionary peek down the hall, making sure I wasn't about to be doused in beef fat or something equally disgusting by Kellan, before I exited. I was about to knock on Jackson's door, but I could hear him talking to the guys over speakerphone as he strummed a guitar. As I made my way over to Nikki's room, I sent him a quick text.

_I'm here. Didn't want to interrupt the music. I'll message you when I get back. Happy practice! – Iris_

I knocked on Nikki's door and texted Suzy while I waited.

"You're not gonna flip me off again, are you?" she asked as she opened the door.

"Just don't give me a reason to."

Before I could walk in the door, I heard running footsteps from the other end of the hall. I was a little afraid it might've been Kellan, ready to retaliate in some form, but it was actually Jackson. He immediately went for my hand and began dragging me away from her room, smirking at Nikki.

"Sorry. I get her for at least fifteen minutes," he said as she shook her head and closed the door.

"What happened to the musical conference call with the boys?"

"Ben got hungry, so we decided to take a break."

"Are _you_ hungry? I could make you something," I said as he closed the door behind us, and I went for the fridge.

"You think I pulled you in here so you could cook for me?" he laughed.

"What other reason would there be?" I teased. "I guess I could clean the dining room or test you on your Mariah trivia."

When he started walking toward me, I took a step back. He stopped and raised his eyebrows. I was having way too much fun with the whole silly situation, so I put on my most bored face and shrugged my shoulders. I was too busy focusing on his eyes that I didn't even realize he had taken the purse outta my hand and dropped it on the floor. Before I could yell at him for the complete and utter disrespect of the Mariah bag, he shot me a 2.0 version of the smirk. I may have said "Mommy" in a whimpering child's voice. I don't really remember. What I do remember was Jackson's hands cupping my face as he brought me in for a kiss.

_I kinda just wanna lick you instead._

Rather than treat the man like a spoon covered in Nutella, I grabbed either side of his shirt at the waist with my hands and pulled him closer. It took all of five seconds before we were tongue-wrestling again. Apparently, Jackson's tongue was the button that brought about the whore moan. because I was letting that baby loose like crazy. The volume slowly increased as his hands made their way to my waist. I could feel his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt for a bit. Suddenly, his thumbs were on my skin, making circles right above the waist of my jeans.

_Danger! Pull back. Too much!_

Before I could embarrass the hell outta myself by slapping at his hands or doing something equally childish, Jackson's cell went off. I slowly pulled away, trying not to pass out from the lack of oxygen and hoping to get his hands back above the clothing.

"Shouldn't you get that?"

"Let it ring," he mumbled.

Hoping he would just put his arms around me and not go back to the area of forbidden skin, I released the sides of his shirt and brought my arms around his neck. Fortunately for the skin issue, he did. Unfortunately for us both, his cell phone kept going off. He grumbled slightly and started moving his Lips-O-Heaven across my jaw line.

"What if it's important?" I panted.

"It's not."

"It could be. It won't – Oh, God…" I moaned as he kissed me where my neck met my shoulder, making my eyes roll back into my head. "It won't stop ringing."

Just as it started going off _again_, Jackson made a grumpy man noise and let me go, walking over to his phone and answering it not so nicely.

"Your head better be on fire."

As he listened to the other end, I straightened out my clothes, making sure to pull my shirt down just a little more than usual.

"Maybe five or ten minutes. Why?" he asked into the phone, shaking his head. "She's right here."

My eyes got wide as I wondered who would be asking about me that Jackson didn't feel like talking to in the first place.

"Make it quick. Hold on."

He walked over to me and handed me his cell.

"Who is it?" I whispered.

"It's Ben."

Jackson chuckled at the cheesetastic smile that took over my face.

"Graupner!" I giggled.

"I hope you're not feeding him," he began.

"I'm not. Why?"

"You're not allowed to feed him until I get back there."

"Have you told him this?" I asked, looking over at Jackson, who was heading into the bathroom.

"No, so you better be the one break the news."

I asked him about LA, and he filled me on some of the work he was doing. We talked a little about the practice session they had earlier before his stomach got to him, and I promised him I would make him whatever he wanted when he got back. He told me that the next time he would see me would probably be in a couple of weeks since the rest of the Monkeys had to meet up with Jackson to get their musical genius asses together in preparation for the Spencer Bell Legacy concert in August. He went on about what songs they may decide to go with and said I could have a listen before hearing them at the actual concert.

_I'm going to Michigan? Since when?_

I hadn't noticed that Jackson was back in the room until I paced right into him. He took the phone outta my hand and hit the speakerphone button.

"It's time to let Iris go, Ben," he said into the cell.

"I'm telling her about the concert, and she's telling me about what she's gonna feed me next time I see her. This is important stuff, man. Now, is that peach pie the only kind you make or can you dazzle me with something else?"

"I can do an apple pie. Is that okay?"

"Alright, you two. Enough food talk. You've got some shopping to do now that Ben has wasted our last ten minutes together," he said, pointing at me. "And _you_ need to stop talking about food. We've got some work to do."

"You can't come between us, Jackson. Iris and I love each other. You can't forbid our love!" Graupner suddenly yelled.

I immediately went into hysterics. Jackson laughed and then tried talking to Graupner and I, but neither of us was listening. I was laughing too hard, and Graupner just kept talking.

"You can't separate us, man. Our love is one for the books. I don't care what you or society says. And she feeds me! If that's not love, I don't know what is."

He followed up his little speech by singing the chorus to "You Light Up My Life," twang and all.

I was on the floor, gripping the coffee table for dear life and had tears streaming down my face. Graupner had definitely earned himself a truckfull of apple pie for that. I pulled myself together when I heard a knock on the door. Jackson, still yelling at Graupner through the phone, answered it and let Nikki, Kristen, and Liz in. When they noticed the position I was in, they all smirked.

"Kinky," Kristen said, nodding her head.

"Wait. That's not what happened," I began. "Graupner was… And then he… I couldn't help… Oh, fuck it. Let's go," I mumbled, standing up and going for my bag.

The girls laughed at how embarrassed I was, and I couldn't help but just shove my way through them and make a run for the elevator. Try as I might, I couldn't get the elevator to close before the girls could make it inside.

"It's okay, hon. I'm sure we all have a little coffee table kink in our lives. _We_ just haven't been caught," Nikki said as she threw an arm around my shoulder and smiled smugly.

I grumbled the entire way down and kept it up as we climbed into my car. In an effort to save Nikki and Kristen's lives from all the teasing, Liz insisted that she sit in the front. Though the ride wasn't very long, she and I managed to get the girls back by singing rather obnoxiously to "Poker Face," bouncing in our seats like little kids. I thought it was hilarious that the two oldest people in the car were annoying the youngest.

Just like the last time, I waited for them to get inside whatever store they were planning to ransack before I joined them. When I walked in, I was actually surprised to find that I liked a good amount of the clothes they had displayed. I checked out some shirts, picking out a few and placing them over my arm, and then went to the pants section.

_Ugh, I hate you, Pants Section. You taunt me with your cute cuts and sizes, knowing I won't fit into them._

For whatever reason, The Pretty was into the smooching with me. Now, I just needed to make sure he stayed there. If he did, then we could eventually have a talk about what the hell was going on with us. I had to keep him interested, so I chose some skinnies while trying not to vomit all over myself at the thought that I was willing to add clothing I normally wouldn't wear to keep a guy's tongue in my mouth on a regular basis. I dragged ass to the fitting rooms, where Nikki and Kristen were debating whether a pair of pants went with the shoes they were going to buy at another store later. They looked over the shirts I had chosen and gave a small nod of approval.

_Suzy'd be happy to know that I have clothing inspectors when she's not around._

I walked into the room, stripped, and put on a pair of the new pants and a shirt. I looked in the mirror and frowned, cocking my head to one side.

_That can't be right._

I tried on another pair of pants and a different shirt and got the same results. I kept the pants on and tried on two more shirts.

_This is a really sick joke._

"Guys! Can you come in here for a sec?" I called out.

"You better be dressed," Kristen said through the door.

"Not at all. I was hoping to have a heart-to-heart while I'm ass naked," I said as I rolled my eyes and opened the door. "Does something look off to you about this outfit?"

They looked it over and shook their heads.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Liz said. "Well, I mean other than it looks big on you."

"That's what I thought. But it can't be. These pants are an eight, and this shirt's a large. They _can't_ be big on me."

I looked down at my outfit and pulled on the thighs of my pants, wondering why I was able to get them to come out much more than the usual baggy I wore.

"Maybe you dropped to a six," Kristen shrugged.

"Uh, no. Maybe these are just mislabeled," I mumbled to myself.

"I'll go get you another pair of each in the same size, and then we can decide," Nikki said as she walked away.

She came back a few minutes later and handed the new clothes to me. I stepped back and changed into them, a little relieved when they finally fit correctly.

"Those other ones _were_ mislabeled," I smiled as I stepped out again.

The three of them turned to one another and lightly laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked, slightly defensive.

"Those are sixes, and the shirt's a medium."

"No way!"

I tried turning my body so I could read the label inside the shirt. After a few seconds of fighting with myself, I gave up. I must've looked pissed or something because they suddenly all chimed in, asking what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong necessarily. It's just that..." I sighed, realizing I was gonna have to lie to keep from having a serious convo in the middle of a fitting room. "I hate shopping for clothes, and now I'm gonna have to do a whole mess of it because of the new size."

I stepped back into the fitting room and threw on the clothes I came in with. I decided against buying anything then and there, waiting til I had Suzy by my side. She always complained that my lack of fashion prevented us from shopping, apparently a female bonding something or another.

The rest of the shopping trip went by pretty quickly. We stopped for some ice cream and headed back. Jackson was still on his music call, so I texted him again and headed over to Kristen's room, placing the extra bowl of ice cream I got him in the freezer. Nikki and Liz went through their purchases while Kristen and I had a smoke. Rob showed up later looking worn out, something about a phone call with his manager getting to him. The five of us sat around and talked about anything and everything under the sun except for whatever Jackson and I were. Either none of them were curious, didn't give a shit, or already knew the answer.

It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that we realized that hours had actually gone by, and it was about that time to consume some dinner. Jackson walked through the door, immediately taking my hand. We all decided on dinner, chatted, ate when it arrived, chatted some more, and then I left for the day.

Sunday wasn't very different. Jackson, Ashley, Nikki, The Bronze Boys, and Xavier came over to the house early in the afternoon. I had gone grocery shopping earlier in the day, knowing that they were planning on staying through dinner. We had lunch, completely normal except for the phone call from Ben in which he told me I had broken his heart when Jackson mentioned that I was feeding him, and then everyone scattered to do their own thing. Some chose to hang outside in the backyard in the pool, other went to the game room, and the rest joined me in the theater for a couple of movies. It seemed as though they were just happy to get out of the prison of their hotel rooms. The fact that the house was all-around kick ass and gave them more than enough to entertain them was a big win. After dinner, everyone left after Jackson and I made out against that same wall again.

Normal. Everything was so fucking normal. For the next week and a half, all I got was normal. It was starting to scare the shit outta me to be honest. I was hoping that the more time I spent with everyone, the clearer the situation between Jackson and I would get. The fact that he and I would suck face like our lives depended on it made me think we were definitely together. The fact that nobody ever acknowledged anything made me think we weren't.

"You haven't talked to him, yet?"

"I want to but I can't, Suz. Everything's really good right now. I don't wanna jinx it."

"I thought you were just going to enjoy whatever it is and be happy with that."

"I thought I could do it, but you know me. I need definitions and clarity and peace of mind. I need order. I mean, look at my DVD collection and those are just DVDs," I said, pacing through the backyard barefoot.

"Have you talked to the girls? What do they think?"

"That's just the thing. Nobody says anything. It's like they've all just accepted whatever Jackson and I are without question. There haven't been any teasing girlfriend jokes or anything like that. Well, other than the random sex ones."

"Yeah… How's that going by the way?"

"It's not. You _know_ it's not. He hasn't tried anything other than that thing I told you about with the thumbs underneath the shirt. Otherwise, I could probably draw you a picture of his tongue just from having it in my mouth so much," I laughed.

I waited til she stopped her pretend-vomiting.

"So, there's major spit-swapping, ass-grabbing on his part, and wall-usage. When we're not doing that, it's just like we're back to being friends. We do the food thing and hang out with the group and whatnot. It's just so confusing to go back and forth and not know."

"If it's bothering you this much, you definitely need to have that little chat with him," she sighed.

"What if it scares him? What if we aren't anything, and the question sends him on his merry way?"

"At least you know. And for the record, I don't think he'll go running for the hills."

"Let's hope so," I sighed. "Oh! Did I tell you? I'm apparently a size six now."

"How's that possible? You just found out you were an eight the day of the Kings Of Leon concert."

"Maybe the added exercise of running from Kellan with the non-animal diet are making for quick results."

I groaned and plopped myself down on the ground, closing my eyes against the rays of the sun.

"Why do you sound upset about it?"

"It's just… Shouldn't I _feel_ thinner? I mean, I'm still fat! The numbers on the labels changed, but I don't feel the difference. I don't even think I look it."

"Are you kidding me? Iris, you've dropped from an eighteen to a six in barely eight months. You absolutely look different. If you don't believe me, go through your Facebook pics. And stop saying you're fat! I hate it when you say shit like that."

"Whatever. I guess it's a good thing, though, right? If this thing with Jackson does work out in my favor, I'll just be the ugly girlfriend instead of the fat and ugly girlfriend," I laughed.

"I'm hanging up now. I'm not gonna sit here and listen to this bullshit. You know how I feel about it."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

"So, you gonna talk to him or what? Like I said, it's only gonna bug you until you find out what he's thinking. Just get it done and over with."

The wisdom that is the Polish Princess hit me hard, and I knew that I just had to suck it up and deal with The Pretty. I told her what I was planning on doing to ease into the conversation, and when she agreed that it was a simple yet effective plan, we hung up and I prepped.

I texted Jackson asking him if he was up to having dinner at his place. He messaged me back and said that he had a quick business thing after being on set but that he should be at the hotel around six that evening. Since it was close to 3pm, I sped like a NASCAR driver to the grocery store, did my shopping, and came back to the house. I prepped the enchiladas, making two dishes so that he and I could have one - half of it made with veggie meat, of course - and the other being full-on dead animal so I could give it to whoever else was around. I took a quick shower and dressed, choosing to go with the skinny jeans and heels from the Kings Of Leon concert since they got me a positive response last time, and picked out a cute Beatles shirt that Monkey had left behind when she fled the house. I was meticulous with my make-up, though I kept it light, and made sure that my hair was curlier than usual. I wanted it took like I tried, at least.

Around 5:30pm, I grabbed the food and left for the hotel. I texted Jackson to let him know that I had arrived, but when I didn't get a response, I figured he was still at his business thing and headed to Ashley's room. When she saw that I had food in my hands, she smiled her smile and invited me in.

"I didn't know you were coming over today."

"I didn't, either. It was kind of a last minute thing. Well, an ambush, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"I need to have a talk with Jackson about something, so I thought I could ease him into it with food," I laughed.

"What kind of conversation? Are you two okay?" she asked as she closed the fridge door after putting the dishes in while we waited.

"I guess. I don't really know," I sighed. "I wanna ask him what's going on with us. We never talked about it, and it's driving me crazy."

"Wait. You two haven't talked about _any_ of that?"

I shook my head as I took a seat on the couch. She quickly came over and sat on the other end, twisting her body so she was facing me.

"Not at all. Sometimes I think that we're dating, but that usually involves going out on dates," I laughed. "Then I remember that dates can't really be done considering you pretty people can't even leave the hotel without causing a riot. When I get to thinking that he might consider me his girlfriend, I remember that a defining conversation should've taken place. Other than his hand becoming best friends with my ass and taking the gold in the Sucking Face Olympics, there hasn't really been any sort of indication as to where I stand with him."

We talked a little more about the whole deal until someone knocked on the door. When I opened it, I got a low whistle from Kristen as Rob and Kellan laughed, standing directly behind her.

"Someone's looking to get some action tonight," she joked.

"Not even close," I laughed.

"So, what's with the outfit then?" she asked.

We sat on the living room couches as I explained what I was doing at the hotel with two casserole dishes of enchiladas and an outfit that I was really starting to adore.

"I thought you guys were together together," Rob said.

"Me, too," Kellan threw in.

"I don't know. I wanna say that we are, but I wonder if it's just wishful thinking on my part. Hence, the food."

"When do we get to eat?" Kellan asked as he smiled like a little kid.

"As soon as the man of the hour gets here," I mumbled as I looked at the clock on my iPhone and realized that he was half an hour late. "I guess he's stuck doing whatever he's doing."

We settled in to watch a movie, though I can't remember what it was. I know that they were just trying to keep me entertained while I waited, but I was too distracted to pay attention. Thirty minutes turned into an hour which turned into two. By the time 9pm rolled around, I was freaking out. I hadn't gotten a single message from him letting me know what was going on. Nobody else had gotten one, either.

I felt bad for making the group wait, so I threw their enchiladas in the oven. As they ate, they kept trying to tell me that he was fine and was probably just unable to use his cell while in his meeting.

By ten, I started imagining the worst kinds of possible shit he could've been in. Car accidents, knife-wielding psychos, alien abductions, and crazed groupie scenarios passed through my head. Both Ashley and Kellan had tried calling him but got no answer. Kellan even left a message about getting himself something to protect the family jewels with before he made it back and had to deal with me, because by midnight, I was unbelievably pissed. Jackson was six hours late, we had no idea where he was, and I was starving. Keeping a fat girl hungry is not the wisest thing on the planet. Keeping her hungry and standing her up? You've pretty much earned yourself a roundhouse kick to all your major organs.

"I'm sorry. I know it's late, and you guys have work tomorrow," I said.

"Actually, we don't. Taylor and his group are the only ones on set, so we get the day off," Kellan said as he plopped down next to me.

"I should just probably go," I whispered.

I felt like a reject. I had tried for the girly look, made dinner, and waited no-so-patiently for over six hours to have this serious conversation with him. There was no way he could've been in that business meeting for so long and definitely not at that hour. I didn't know what to think. He had never blatantly just ignored any of my calls or messages.

By 1am, I was done. I grabbed the unused casserole dish from the fridge and headed to the door. The four of them followed me out, asking if I just wanted to crash there since it was so late, and I was obviously upset. I thanked them but told them I needed to get back to the house and think.

As we were saying goodbye outside of Ashley's door, the elevator dinged. Knowing it couldn't be anybody other than Jackson, I let out a sigh of relief and smiled. I kept the homicidal tendencies on the back burner. I was ready to go over and hug the hell outta him, following it up with a smack upside the head for making me worry, but I stopped when I saw what I saw.

Jackson walked outta the elevator, smiling and looking fuckhawt as ever. He said something I couldn't make out, and before I could ask him what he'd said, someone else stepped out, too. I wasn't the only one surprised as to whoever was with him, because I could hear Ashley quietly gasp behind me.

Walking out of the elevator with Jackson was some hot chick I had never seen before. She was maybe a couple of inches shorter than him, was wearing a black tubetop, dark blue skinny jeans, gold ballet flats, and a fedora on her head. Her hair was short and bobbed, shorter than the dangly earrings she was sporting. She was smiling and laughing at whatever Jackson had said. Her smile could've easily been on a fucking Colgate commercial.

When they reached Jackson's door, they noticed the five of us standing in the hallway. Jackson walked over, completely at ease and smiling like nothing in the world was wrong. Little Miss Hot Chick followed behind him.

"What are you guys still doing up?" he smiled.

Even if I could've found my voice, I wouldn't have used it. Nothing pretty would've come out of it. Thank God for Ashley.

"We were waiting for you. Well, Iris was and we kept her company."

It got uncomfortably quiet for a few seconds. Then, I heard what sounded like a cell phone going off.

"Shit. That's my phone. I'll be right back," Kristen said, walking to her room.

I stood there like a fucking idiot with a half-vegetarian, half-cow enchilada dish in my hands and totally mute. I probably looked like a creeper, because I couldn't take my eyes of the chick. She probably thought I was about to hit on her with the way I stared.

"Oh, sorry. This is Sarah. Sarah, these are my friends and castmates," Jackson introduced.

She smiled and nodded at us before turning to Jackson. He seemed to know what she was thinking and started making his way back to his door.

"I'll be right back," he said, walking in with The Wicked Witch Of All Fedora Hats right behind him.

The clicking sound the door made when it closed snapped me back to where I was. I realized I had been stood up and lied to. He hadn't been at a business thing. He was out on a date. He was out on a date with a hot chick. He was out on a date with a hot chick and totally stood me up.

"Iris?"

"So, I'm gonna go," I whispered since I still hadn't really found my voice yet.

I turned around and basically shoved the casserole dish in Ashley's hands.

"Throw it in the oven at 350 for fifteen minutes until the cheese melts. One side's veggie meat, but you can't taste the difference," I rushed out.

"Wait," Ashley said.

"I'll see you guys some time soon."

I was two seconds away from crying, and I needed to get the fuck outta there before I did. I gave Ashley a quick kiss on the cheek and walked over to Rob. I gave him a small hug and asked him to tell Kristen goodnight for me. Kellan gave me a biggo hug, which I followed up with a kiss on the cheek. I turned around and practically ran to the elevator.

"She's crying," I heard Kellan say.

I didn't look back at them as I raised my hands to my cheeks and realized I _was_ crying. I punched the elevator button and waited for it to open. Just as I had decided to take the stairs since it was taking too long, the elevator dinged. I walked in, hit the ground floor button, and just fucking sobbed.

"Wait! Hold the elevator, please!"

I looked up and saw a hand shoot in between the closing doors, making them open up again.

_Are you fucking kidding me?!_

Ms. I'm Wearing Painted On Jeans walked in and smiled at me.

"Sorry. It would've taken forever to wait for another elevator."

I watched as she hit the button to close the doors and dropped my head. Try as I might, I couldn't help the sniffles or the shudders from crying so much.

"Are you okay?" I heard her whisper.

_If you know what's good for you, just pretend I'm not standing here._

I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded.

"I haven't slept in a couple of days, and my contacts are rebelling. That's all," I lied, mumbling.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better," she said as the doors opened and walked out.

_Fuck! She's nice. I can't even fucking hate her._

Thankfully, she didn't head toward the back doors and walked out the front. I reached into my bag and pulled out my keys, ready to book it the moment I hit the doors leading to the parking lot. I couldn't stop crying, and I was afraid to let anybody see me that way. As I rushed to the car, I could hear Ashley's ringtone going off inside my purse. There was no way I was gonna answer it.

"Iris!"

I looked up and saw Jackson semi-running toward me as soon as he got through the back doors. I hit the button on the key ring to unlock the car doors and tried to get in before he could reach me. I was shit outta luck.

"Where are you going?" he panted.

"Home," I sniffled, not looking up at him.

"Are you crying?" he laughed.

He fucking _laughed_,and it pissed me off even more. I didn't get what the fuck was so fucking funny. I finally looked up at him and glared. His smile immediately fell.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You should probably go catch up to your _date_ before she leaves," I sneered as I opened the door.

"Whoa… Wait a minute. Talk to me. What the fuck's going on?"

"Nothing, Jackson. Go back inside."

"Fuck that. Come back in with me. We should talk about whatever's got you so pissed."

I shook my head, crying even harder, and tried to get in the car.

"You're not going anywhere crying like that. You'll get into an accident or something."

Before I could register what he was doing, he somehow managed to get my purse out of my hands. It distracted me enough for him to take the keys out of my hand, as well.

"Give me my shit. I wanna go home," I said through gritted teeth.

"No. You'll get your shit when we've talked and you've calmed down."

He turned and walked back toward the hotel doors. Without my keys, I couldn't do anything but follow him. I slammed the door and crossed my arms as I walked back inside. Once we were in the elevator, he began explaining that Sarah was someone who was working on a film he was going to shoot in a couple of months. They had gone over some stuff with the script and production notes, which was what his meeting was all about. They noticed some problems with the shooting schedule and had to figure them out then and there, which is why he took so long. I didn't say anything to him as we took the elevator up, no longer crying, though I was still livid as fuck. I was still trying to process everything that had happened in the past five minutes, in addition to the new info he had given me. When we finally made it to his door and walked into his room, I immediately snatched my purse and keys back from him. I walked over to one of the living room couches and sat on the arm. I watched as he closed the door and took a few steps into the room. He stood there for a bit and looked at me. I had calmed down enough that I didn't feel like kicking him in the nuts but I still didn't trust myself to let him come any nearer. I put my hand up, letting him know to back up and give me some space. He stopped dead in his tracks. It was quiet for a couple of minutes before he finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Late?" I scoffed. "Jackson, you were supposed to be here over seven hours ago. This isn't late. You stood me the fuck up."

He stared at me with wide eyes. I had never been angry with him like that before, and I guess he didn't know how to react. Suddenly, he pulled his cell out of his back pocket and opened it, holding it up so I could see the screen. It was blank.

"It died while I was out. I don't have your number memorized, so I couldn't call you from somebody else's phone."

"And you couldn't call someone else? Ashley? Kellan? I'm sure you have their numbers stored in your head," I pointed out, crossing my arms. "I was worried out of my fucking mind that something happened to you."

"I didn't think about that," he muttered.

I was on the verge of exploding. Another hysterical crying session was about to happen, and I didn't want to be in the same room with him when it did.

"Fine," I said, clearing my throat. "Apology accepted."

I grabbed my bag, flinging it over my shoulder, and stood up. I kept my head down, praying with everything in me to not cry until I was in the car and on my way home.

"Where are you going?" I heard Jackson ask from behind me, my hand already on the doorknob.

"Home. It's late."

"Iris, we need to talk about this."

I spun around, cursing the fact that my hair was so fucking long since it wrapped around my neck like a noose. I dropped my bag and grabbed at the hair that I was ready to tear out of my own head.

"What's to talk about?" I asked as calmly as I could, walking past him to the living room's coffee table.

"How about the fact that you're so pissed off?"

"I just told you why I was pissed."

He walked over and stood directly in front of me. From the close range, I saw that he was not only worried but scared.

"What's really the matter?" he asked in an eerily calm voice.

My feet, having a mind of their own, started moving. I was so in my head, I wasn't paying attention to where they were taking me, though I guess I was probably pacing. I began to ramble, thinking out loud to myself, like my fucking life depended on it or some shit.

"What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck am I _thinking_? I've deluded myself into believing that making out with you every once in a while means something to you. Lord knows it fucking means something to me. I mean, you could make out with whomever the fuck you want, right? I'm nobody. She's gorgeous and tall and thin and looks like the type of girl you should be with. _Those_ are the types of girls you should be lip-planting with. Not some fat, ugly girl who just happens to be around, because she doesn't wanna fly home because she likes you so much. It's not like I have some hold over you. We haven't even discussed anything about what we're doing or what we are to one another. Jesus! I'm such a fucking dumbass! Of course we're nothing to each other. You do this shit all the time. I'm the idiot who just happens to be around, the convenient one."

My feet suddenly stopped. I noticed that I was in the bedroom and Jackson was still standing where he had been before, staring at me.

"I need to go," I whispered.

I walked back over to where my bag was by the door and picked it up. Before I could get my hand back on the doorknob, I felt his hand wrap around my wrist, turning me around so I was looking right into his eyes.

"Did you think I was doing something with her?"

"Weren't you?" I kinda yelled before I dialed the volume down a notch. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. You can do whatever you want, right?" I whispered, trying to reign in my anger and keep from crying.

"You think I'm just gonna cheat on you and then bring her back here where she can be seen by you and all my friends?"

"Cheat on me?" I laughed. "It wouldn't be cheating, Jackson, and you know it. We're not even together."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, we are."

"No, we're not. You've never so much as said anything to me about what we are to one another."

I dropped my bag again and walked back towards the living room.

"I didn't think I needed to," he said from behind me. "I thought it was obvious."

"Then what the fuck are we, Jackson? Answer that one for me, because I've been dealing with this shit internally for weeks now. I thought I could be happy with just the idea that you weren't repulsed by kissing me. But I'm not that type of girl, Jackson. I need to have labels. I need things to be clear and crystal, because you're fucking around with my heart right now."

I stared at him, panting from being so angry and needy and desperate. I wanted him to tell me that I was safe with him, that my heart wasn't going to get hurt. I needed him to tell me that I hadn't made a mistake by letting him in, even though it was against my better judgment.

"We're together," he said simply, quietly.

"What does that mean?"

_Please don't say I'm a groupie. Please don't say that I'm convenient._

"I don't know. Together, as in you're my girlfriend. That's what I've been thinking. That's what I've been saying to the guys."

"Your girlfriend?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

I could feel the tears in my eyes. While his answer brought me some relief at the thought that I wasn't acting like a slut, it made me angry. This time, though, I was angry with myself. I realized the significance of that title, and it made me cringe to know that I couldn't be what he needed.

"Your girlfriend," I laughed to myself. "Oh, fuck. Maybe I should tell you what you're getting into before you start throwing that label around… This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?"

"What?"

"God, how do I tell you this and not sound like the biggest fucking loser on the planet?" I began, chewing my thumbnail. "Fine. I'll just say it. I know that sex is important to you. You're practically made of it. You sweat it and perform it and act it. If you think that by calling me your girlfriend you're gonna get laid on a regular basis, you've got another thing coming. No pun intended," I mumbled. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm not the sex girlfriend you're looking for."

"You're not making any sense, Iris."

_Just fucking say it! Get it out now while you can._

"Ugh. Fine. I'm a virgin, okay? A virgin! That's right. You've been making out with a nun. You've been making out with Fat Monica!"

He stared at me.

"Fat Monica? From _Friends_? You know, the episode where Monica talks about what her life would've been like if she hadn't lost the weight and ended up looking slightly anorexic? She was thirty and still hadn't done the deed."

He continued to stare at me.

"Seriously, dude? I'm just gonna have to buy you the fucking series. You don't know the laughs you're missing," I said as I plopped myself down to sit on the coffee table.

It wasn't like I was ashamed of what I had just told him. In fact, I was quite proud of still holding my V card. Friends who had done the dirty told me that I should hang on to it for as long as I could, that they even regretted losing theirs sometimes. But it wasn't like I was planning on dying a virgin. It just never happened for me. I was a firm believer that sex was something that happened in a loving relationship. To me, there was no such thing as casual sex. Plus, I wasn't big on pain. Sure, I could dish it out, but I was a baby when it came to receiving. And I heard that shit hurt like a mother the first time.

"Baby Girl, I already knew that," he suddenly said.

My head snapped up to look at him. He slightly smirked and then shrugged one of his shoulders.

"How did you know? Did Suzy tell you or something?"

"No," he laughed.

He walked over to where I was sitting on the coffee table and got on his knees. He took my hands in his and took a deep breath.

"It took you almost two weeks to even realize that I liked you, right?"

Dumbly, I nodded my head, wondering where he was going with this.

"You were so resistant to even believe that I liked you, I figured that anyone who had that sort of wall up wouldn't be the type to sleep around."

"Oh."

I stared at his hands as they held mine. The more I sat there looking at our hands, the more I realized that my lack of realization wasn't the sole reason why he knew I was still a virgin.

"I guess it _was_ pretty obvious, huh?" I slightly laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't really get much action when you look like this. It's not like I have the guys clawing at my door, right?" I laughed, thinking my honest joke would ease some of the tension.

I was wrong.

"Why do you always go back to that?" he groaned loudly, dropping my hands and standing up. "I don't know what to say to make you realize that you're not the person you think you look like."

"Oh, give me a break, Jackson. I know what I look like, and it's nothing like that girl or Ashley or Suzy or anybody else. I'm plain and I'm boring and I'm not even remotely attractive."

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're beautiful before you get it?" he said.

I fucking froze. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and my head had been dunked in water before I could try and take a deep breath. I probably looked like a gaping fish.

"What?" he asked.

"N-nothing."

"What is it?"

"It's just that, um… Well, you, uh, you've never said that to me before," I said, shaking my head.

"Never said what?"

"That I was b-beautiful," I mumbled.

"Yes, I have," he laughed.

"No, you haven't."

It was pretty quiet for a few seconds before I finally decided to speak up and try to lighten the mood.

"You really know how to lie to a chick and make her think it's a joke," I chuckled, shifting my gaze to the floor.

"Hey," I heard him say.

I continued to stare at the weird little designs in the hotel room carpet and not acknowledge him.

"Hey," he said much louder, kinda making me jump.

I looked up at him and stared back into the blank expression he was sporting.

"You're beautiful."

"You already told me that joke. Tell me another one," I scoffed.

"You're beautiful."

I snorted, forcing a laugh.

"You're beautiful."

"Cut it out, Jackson. It's not funny anymore," I said as I shifted from foot to foot.

"You're beautiful."

"Stop it," I said through gritted teeth.

"You're beautiful."

"Stop," I whispered. "Please just stop."

I couldn't look at him, so I dropped my gaze to the floor. I heard him walk to me and saw his boots stop directly in front of my shoes.

"You. Are. Beautiful."

And then the Hoover Dam broke. I stood there and kept my head down, watching my tears hit the carpet. I didn't know exactly why I was crying. Maybe it was because I thought he was lying to me. Maybe it was because I thought he was telling me the truth. Maybe it was because it was the first time he had said it. Maybe it was because the last I heard someone say that to me, Ace Of Base was still popular.

His boots never moved. He never changed his position. Then, I felt him place a kiss on my head. I fucking panicked. I shuffled around him and hurried over to the door, remembering to grab my purse from the floor, and walked out of the room. My legs began to feel like lead the closer I walked to the elevator. I frantically pushed the button, and when it finally opened, I waited for my body to take control and walk in. It never did. I remained in the hallway as I watched the elevator doors close.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave things like this with him, but I also needed time to think. I needed to process what just happened.

He said I was his girlfriend. I admitted that I was a virgin. He told me I was beautiful.

_If this isn't the motherload of conversations, I don't know what is._

I walked back toward his door and stared at it. I couldn't even bring my hand up to knock. I let out a big sigh and then just walked backward until my back hit the wall. I slid down and brought my knees up to my chest, taking deep and calming breaths.

Not long after, I heard a door open. I tensed up, thinking that it might've been Jackson, but when I finally focused my eyes, I realized it was Kellan. He saw the expression on my face and gave me a sad smile before walking over and sitting next to me on the floor of the hallway. I leaned my head against his shoulder. I didn't know what else to do. We sat there for a few minutes and then heard another door open. I knew it wasn't Jackson's since the sound came from much further down the hall. Kellan and I both looked over at the same time to see Kristen and Rob come out of his room. I watched as he leaned down and whispered something in her ear. She laughed and turned around, shoving him back in the room.

"It might work," he said.

"You are not getting her to smile by humping her leg. Seriously, Rob," she laughed.

Kellan and I laughed as we watched him try to move past her, not gaining an inch, though, as she merely threw him back into the room like a rag doll. When the door to his room was finally closed, Kristen shook her head, smiling the entire time, as she walked over to us. She sat on the opposite wall and faced us.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"It was bad, then okay, but went bad again before it got worse," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

"He called her beautiful," Kellan suddenly threw in.

My head spun to face him, shocked that he knew. Reading my expression, he filled me in.

"I pretty much heard everything. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you guys were pretty loud."

"I'm sorry. We should've been more aware of the volume," I began and then froze when it hit me that he had heard _all_ of the conversation. "So, you know that I'm a…?"

Thank God he didn't do anything more other than nod, not looking me in the eye. I groaned and threw my head back against the wall, closing my eyes and hoping that I would instantly go "Poof!" from the embarrassment.

"What?" Kristen asked.

Kellan and I looked at each other and then at her.

"Well, the majority of the conversation was this," I started out. "I yelled at him for being late. He told me he didn't do anything with her. I told him I needed to know what we were. He told me he thought I was his girlfriend and assumed I would just know. I told him I was a virgin, so he wasn't going to be getting sex anytime soon. He called me beautiful. And then I flipped the fuck out."

Kristen took a few seconds to process what I had just rushed out before she spoke.

"Okay. First of all, wow. Second of all, that's progress, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"All of that and you still didn't run," she smiled.

"I made it as far as the elevator and just… stopped. When I retell this tale, I'll lie and say that Kellan tackled me before I could get in," I lightly laughed.

"So," she sighed before clearing her throat. "He told you the truth about the chick?"

She nodded her head when I gave her a look of confusion.

"Rob told me that Jackson explained who she was after you left. Ashley laid into him about not showing up and making you wait. She really got his attention when she explained how it must've looked to you, him coming back here with a chick. Apparently, he sprinted the fuck after you down the stairs."

"Oh," was all I could mutter.

"We'll talk about the virgin thing later when it's just us girls," she said as she gestured to Kellan.

I looked over at Kellan and caught him rolling his eyes. I couldn't help but laugh and lean back into his shoulder.

"We can talk about it now. I don't care. Kellan heard everything anyway."

"I think that's a slumber party subject. We'll all get in our jammies and fucking braid each other's hair or some shit," she exaggerated as she goofily clapped her hands.

"Why'd you freak out when he called you beautiful?" Kellan suddenly asked.

I shifted uncomfortably, which I guess made Kellan think I was about to bolt because he suddenly put his arm around me and held me down.

"Um… He- I, uh, haven't been called that by a guy in a really long time. _Really_ long time. It kind of threw me off. Plus, I don't like being lied to," I mumbled.

We all sat there for a few minutes in complete silence. There was more I could have said about why that word bothered me so much, but I left it at that.

"I wanna tell you something and I don't want you to interrupt, okay?" she asked, giving me the one-eyebrowed bitch face. "I'm really skinny."

_Not really what I need to hear right now, Kristen._

The moment I threw my arms up and rolled my eyes, she extended one of her legs and kicked me with the power of a professional soccer player. I called her a big bully and massaged the area she attacked. Kellan was laughing so hard, his shaking body was shaking mine.

"Shut up! I'm not done," she smiled before composing herself and bringing us all back to some serious seriousness. "I'm really skinny, and I don't like it. I don't have any shape to my body. I used to get picked on a lot when I was growing up. People would joke and say that I would have to shop in the boys' section for all of my clothes. What I'm trying to get at," she sighed, "is that everybody has body issues whether you think they do or not. I think I'm too skinny. You think I'm the perfect size. You think you're fat. I'd love to have your curves."

If it was possible to put a weight in my mouth and get my jaw to drop to the floor, that's what I probably looked like. _Nobody_ had ever told me something so ridiculously unbelievable about my looks before. Well, except for Jackson about an hour earlier but that's what led me to be where I was.

"Did you know that Nikki has issues with the fact that she's supposed to be portraying the most beautiful woman in the world? Or that Kellan here feels pressured to keep the body that he has so he can keep getting jobs? The grass isn't always greener on the other side, Iris. Just because you look at someone who you consider to be beautiful doesn't mean they think that about themselves. We all have issues. The thing with you is that you're letting what people have forced down your throat your entire life keep you from thinking differently. All that's doing is hurting you mentally and emotionally. Look what it's doing to what you have with Jackson."

I shook my head, hearing what she was saying but not wanting to believe it. I didn't know what to say. I did that frustrated thing where people wipe their faces repeatedly with their hands as if it somehow got rid of all the bad things in front of their eyes. Honestly, I just needed time to think everything over. The convo with Jackson was too intense, Kellan knew I was a virgin thanks to my loud mouth, and Kristen just dropped the beauty bomb on me.

"Do you want me to kick his scrawny ass?" Kellan said out of nowhere.

"What?" I laughed, shocked. "Why would you do that to Jackson?"

"He said you were beautiful. There should be a punishment for something like that. You know what?" he said as he suddenly stood up. "I'm kicking his ass."

"Kellan! Stop being silly. You can't kick his ass for that."

He turned around and looked at me as I got off the floor, preparing to jump on his back if he got anywhere near The Pretty.

"Why not?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

And just like the day I kissed Jackson while watching "The Green Mile," something clicked. Kellan was letting me know that I was being ridiculous for being so upset about that word. If I wouldn't let him kick Jackson's ass for it, I shouldn't have been upset about the situation. I was being stupid about the whole thing. Whether I believed him or not, crying and almost taking off weren't how I needed to deal with it. Leave it to Kellan to make me realize this with the threat of an ass-whooping.

Realization must've been all over my face, because I heard Kristen laugh.

"There it is," she said. "Kellan Lutz: Emotional Guru."

"I'm not just a pretty face and keeper of the happy abs," he smiled, causing us to laugh.

I leaned over and picked up my bag. They knew what I was about to do and gave me nervous smiles. I walked over to Jackson's door and lightly knocked, keeping my head down and nervous as all fuck. The door swung open, revealing a rather upset Jackson. Before I could say anything, he took me by the hand and gently pulled me inside. Once he closed the door, he took my Mariah bag and placed it on the floor next to the door of the bedroom. Without my bag to keep my hands busy, I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I didn't know exactly what to say or how to say it. There was a definite I'm sorry that I need to throw out there, but I didn't know if he would let me speak long enough to hear it.

He didn't say anything, though. I could tell by the scowl on his face that he was obviously still upset, but he didn't really seem to direct it at me. He walked over to one of the dressers in the bedroom, grabbed something I couldn't make out, and then headed into the bathroom. The door was partially closed so I couldn't see what he was doing, but I heard a cabinet door open and close before he walked back out to me. Still not saying a word, he grabbed my hand, picked up my purse, handed it to me, and led me into the bathroom. He walked out and closed the door, leaving me to stare at it for a minute. When I finally looked at the bathroom sink, I couldn't help but smile and wanna cry at the same time. He had laid out a pair of baggy, flannel PJ pants along with a hair tie and a travel size bottle of saline solution. I took off my heels and pants and put the flannels on, realizing then that he wasn't going to let me go home. I decided against using the hair tie, thinking I might need the mess that was my hair to hide my face at some point. I took the contacts case I always carried around with me in case of an eye emergency out of my purse and removed my contacts, placing the case on the sink next to the brand new bottle of solution. I pulled the case that held Monkey's glasses out and put them on. I knew I wouldn't be able to see anything if I tried to walk out of the bathroom without my contacts in. Stumbling face first into a wall was not what I needed at the moment. I grabbed my purse, gave myself a little pep talk, and walked out of the bathroom. Jackson was leaning against the wall directly next to the bathroom door. I noticed he had changed into his own pair of PJ pants and a loose fitting shirt. He grabbed my hand and walked us further into the bedroom. I placed my purse on the floor as he sat me down on the left side of the bed, removing my glasses and setting them by the nightstand's lamp. I watched as he walked over to the other side and climbed in. I wanted to ask him what he was doing, but I didn't think I'd be able to find my voice to even try. He put his arm around my waist, moving my hair over one of my shoulders, and slid me back onto the bed. He motioned for me to lay down as he reached toward the foot of the bed and pulled the covers over us. I laid on my side, staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand, which I could barely make out to read 2:14am, big and red. His arm around me tightened, and he pulled me into his chest. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck for a few seconds before he took a deep one.

"You're beautiful. Now go to sleep."

Instantly, my lower lip began to tremble and I started to cry. When I raised my hand to wipe my eyes and he heard me sniffle, he pulled me closer against his chest. He didn't say anything else. He just let me cry it out, and after some time, I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning and groaned at the pain my eyes were in. The last time my eyes hurt like that was when I had watched _Powder_, and it took my Mom and a sleeping pill to knock me the fuck out after crying like a newborn. Completely forgetting where I was for a split second, I turned onto my back and almost screamed at the shock of seeing Jackson sitting on the bed watching me.

"Baby Jesus in heaven," I said, trying to get my frightened self under control.

He smirked and leaned over. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn't.

"You snore," he said.

_Kill me. Kill me now!_

"Ugh," was all I could get out as I threw an arm over my eyes.

_This could _not_ get any more embarrassing._

"And you drooled," he said as he used the back of his index finger to run over the edge of my mouth, lightly laughing.

"Oh, God!" I shrieked out.

I threw the covers over my face and did my best to shrivel up and die. There was no way I could sprint for the door without him catching me or me tripping over something since I still didn't have my glasses on or contacts in.

"Come back out here," I heard him snicker.

"No," I pouted.

"Iris…"

I moved my hand and nothing else out from underneath the covers to wag my finger from side to side, letting him know I was definitely not showing my face voluntarily.

"Fine. I'm coming in then."

Suddenly, the covers were thrown back, and I watched as Jackson moved himself to lie on his side next to me. He threw the covers over both our heads, leaving us in almost complete darkness except for the small amount of sunlight that managed to peak through.

"Listen to me, okay?" he said, raising his eyebrows in a no-nonsense way. "You snore and you drooled on my pillow and you're a pain in my ass sometimes, but," he inhaled, "you're funny and you make me smile. And you _are_ beautiful. You know what gets me about you, though? You have a good heart."

I furrowed my eyebrow out of confusion, wondering where he was going with any of it.

"I know you do," he said, and I realized that he took my look of confusion to mean that I needed clarification. "Otherwise, you wouldn't cry so much at the smallest things or cook for everyone without complaint or save a little boy from being hit by a car. You're anal retentive about your DVD collection, you listen to everything under the sun whether it's good or not," he laughed, "and I think Ben loves you."

I tried to keep from smiling but failed miserably.

"But you need to understand that I'm not going to put up with this bullshit about how you think you look. We'll work on it together, but the self-deprecating crap stops now. You're beautiful, inside and out. Whatever it takes, I'll make you realize that. But you gotta meet me halfway."

"Okay," I whispered, playing with my fingernails and not looking at him. "Just so you know, I would totally kiss you right now but I'm afraid you'll leave me over my morning breath," I mumbled.

"You drooled on my pillow. If I don't leave you for that, I'm not gonna leave you because of morning breath."

We both laughed, and despite the morning breath issue, he leaned over and kissed me. There was _no_ way I was gonna play tonsil hockey without brushing my teeth first, so I just kept my mouth closed and kept the kiss chaste.

"What do you want for breakfast?" he asked me as he got out of the bed.

"You're gonna cook?" I chuckled as I sat up against the headboard.

"Yes. And by yes, I mean I'm ordering room service."

"Well, assuming that they don't have Fruit Loops, is it okay if I get a veggie omelet?" I beamed.

He laughed and nodded his head as he walked into the living room to find the menu. I threw on my glasses and walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom to put my contacts in and to change.

"There's an extra toothbrush in the medicine cabinet, and my toothpaste is in the shower!" I heard him yell through the door.

After my mouth was Crest clean, I walked out and slammed right into Jackson. He told me to stay put as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the toilet seat lift, a flush, and then running water. When he opened the door, he made a beeline for me and kissed me. This kiss could've made a porn star blush, but I didn't give a fuck. He tasted all Crest-like and clean as he pulled me into him, one hand in my hair and the other around my waist.

"When I regain the ability to breathe again, I'll thank you for that," I panted as we pulled away.

"You got that right," he laughed, panting as well.

Room service was delivered shortly after, and we sat on the couches in the living room and talked about his work week. I was trying my hardest to pay attention but there was something I wanted to ask him, though I was afraid it might start another fight. I wasn't quite sure how to approach him without him throwing me out on my ass.

"Spill it."

"I spilled what?" I asked, looking down at myself.

"Spill it," he enunciated. "You were hiding in your head again."

"Oh."

I cleared my throat and placed my plate on the coffee table. I fidgeted for a few minutes, deciding how I would get the question out.

"If it's that difficult for you to talk to me about what you're thinking, we're not gonna make it," he sighed.

"_We're not gonna make it." He wants us to make it._

"Well," I smiled at my thought. "I wanted to ask you something, but I'm afraid you'll toss me out on my ass because it might be self-deprecating. "

"I said we'd work on that together, didn't I? Ask me, and we'll go from there."

"Okay. Um… I get that you like me. I'm still… confused by that, by the way. But what I'm wondering is why you wanna be with me. Liking me and wanting to be with me are two different things," I mumbled. "I mean, you said it yourself. I'm a pain in the ass, I cry all the time, and I have what some people might call an unhealthy obsession with Mariah Carey. You can find that interesting, but it's not necessarily something that says, 'Hey! I wanna date her.'"

He placed his plate on the coffee table next to mine and turned sideways on the couch, so he could face me.

"Those things _are_ the reasons why I like you."

"Really?" I smiled.

He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"I wanna be with you, because I like you," he stated firmly, pretty much a formality.

"You wanna be with me, because well, you're delusional," I laughed.

"That's fine by me," he smiled. "I do have a question to ask _you_, though."

"What's that?"

"Who's number two on your list? You never did tell us," he smirked.

"Oh. Well, that's simple," I shrugged.

His smirk turned into a smile, and I couldn't help but what came outta my mouth next.

"It's Graupner," I deadpanned.

His face fell for about two seconds, and then I started laughing.

"I guess I'm gonna have to work on that," he chuckled, leaning in to kiss me.

* * *

**Reviews are like Jackson's ass-grabbing: they give me the tinglies.**


	18. Touch My Body

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / VCy3yo**

**Warning: drug use and lemon wedges ahead._  
_**

* * *

_Jackson Rathbone's girlfriend._

_The girlfriend of Jackson Rathbone._

_Fuck you, bitches! He's mine!_

"Baby Girl?"

I turned and found Jackson lightly laughing while holding up my iPhone.

"Huh?"

"Suzy's on the phone."

As he handed it over to me, he laughed louder.

"What?"

"You were staring off into space. What were you thinking about?" he smirked.

"Nothing," I giggled as I took the phone out of his hands.

"Roscoe's Chicken And Waffles," I said into the phone.

"Yes. I'd like to order a chicken. A whole one."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chicken today. Couldn't catch 'em this morning."

"Ugh, fine. I'll settle for speaking to my best friend then."

"_Que pasa_, _chica_?" I laughed.

"What are you doing at this exact moment?"

I looked to my right and smiled at Jackson who was writing something down in a notebook. He had papers scattered all over the coffee table in the living room of his hotel room. I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, which earned me a smile though he didn't look up from whatever it was he was doing.

"I'm at the hotel with Jackson."

"Did you take your car there?"

"Yeah. Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"I kinda need a ride from the airport."

"You're here?" I screamed as I jumped up from the couch, effectively scaring the shit out of Jackson.

"Yeah," she laughed. "Landed a little bit ago. Just gotta get through the red tape, and I'm all yours."

I immediately grabbed my purse and keys, almost dropping the laptop that Jackson had let me borrow onto the floor.

"I'll be there in twenty."

I hung up and actually squeed.

"Hey hey hey! What's going on?"

In my excitement, I had almost run out of the room without telling Jackson what I was doing.

"Suzy just landed. She didn't even tell me she was coming. I need to go get her," I beamed.

I saw his eyes go big as he smiled wide. I knew what that face meant so it didn't surprise me that he got off the couch and walked over to me, taking the keys out of my hand. Ever since the Obama car had come into our lives, it was pretty much an unspoken rule that he would get to drive it whenever the opportunity presented itself. It was worth it to see him giddy.

We practically sprinted to the parking lot, got in, and took off driving. I plugged in my iPhone into that little gadget thingy where the radio was so that we could listen to it as we drove. I bounced in my seat as Mariah's new single, "Obsessed," blared through the speakers and Jackson laughed at me. I guess he was super duper happy to be driving, because he didn't even give me any gruff about the fact that it was on repeat.

"Why didn't she tell you she was flying in?" he asked as he lowered the volume.

I gave him a death glare for turning down the Diva before I answered.

"I have no idea."

"She's not here to kick my ass, is she?" he laughed.

"No," I laughed back. "Why would she?"

"Because of what happened the other day. I'm assuming you told her?"

After Jackson and I had breakfast that morning, I headed home. The emotional rollercoaster of the fight plus staying over was a lot for me to deal with, and I needed to collect myself. Not only had Jackson and I done the official label thing, I was trying not to wig out over the fact that I had slept in the same bed with him. I had never slept in another guy's bed before. Yeah, it wasn't a sexual sleepover but it was still a big thing for me.

The moment I got home, I showered and changed before calling Suzy. I told her everything that happened. She said she was happy for me but that she agreed with Jackson. Suzy was never a fan of my self-deprecating ways so I knew she wouldn't take my side on the whole ordeal, though she did make some snide comments about how he never bothered to call me and let me know he was okay. I knew it was only a matter of time before Juanita would call me. Of course, not five minutes later, my phone was ringing. Again, I explained what had gone down, her uttering some not so nice words about how he had hurt me. She mumbled something about making good on her promise, but when I asked her what she was talking about, she told me to forget it. We ended the call with her squeeing in my ear about how I'd finally gotten what I wanted.

"I don't think she's the one you have to worry about," I answered. "But why do I get the feeling that Juanita may be out for your blood?"

"The night of the concert? Right before you took off, she basically threatened to gut me like a fish if I ever hurt you."

"She what?" I shrieked. "What exactly did she say?"

"Let me see if I can get this right…" he trailed off before he cleared his throat. "'Listen to me, _cabron_. First, get a haircut. She likes your face too much for you to be hiding it. Second, she's extremely stubborn. It comes with the Mexicaness, so just have patience. Third, if you hurt her, I'll kill you. I know people, and they know people. Plus, I'm not afraid to fight a guy. I know she cries a lot, but if you ever make her cry more than usual, I'll make it so you can never have kids.'"

After I internally giggled at getting to hear Jackson say _cabron_ in his white-boy/Southern accent, my jaw immediately hit the car floor. I reached over and took the iPhone outta the gadget thingy so I could make a call.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling J's mom. I'm gonna tell her about the time J said that Taco Bell's seven-layer burrito was better than her cooking."

Before I could even push a button, Jackson took the phone out of my hands.

"Hey!"

"Be nice," he laughed. "She was just looking out for you."

"She needs to start looking after her own ass if she's gonna talk to you like that," I mumbled.

My phone rang, and once Jackson made sure it wasn't Juanita calling, he gave it back to me.

"I'm waiting outside on the sidewalk. How far away are you?"

"We just pulled into arrivals. Oh! I think I see you!"

I hung up without saying anything else and jumped outta the car before it even stopped moving. I gave her a bone-crushing hug, one that made her remind me that oxygen is a necessity, grabbed her bag to throw in the trunk, and opened the back door for her. Rather than say hi to Jackson when she got in, she said something along the lines of "It took you two long enough." I turned around and play-slapped her, making me realize that a month without my BFF was just way too fucking long. We decided on having dinner at the hotel since Jackson refused to give up the Obama car, and I was pretty sure everyone would be down for a home-cooked meal that didn't involve me crying.

"You think fajitas would be okay with everyone?" I asked Jackson before I left the car.

"You really think they're gonna complain about anything you make?" he chuckled before leaning in to kiss me.

"Oh, that's disgusting," I heard Suzy say as she got out of the car.

"You gonna sit here or drive around so you don't get noticed?" I asked as I pulled away.

"Drive. I need some alone time with my girl."

He ran his hand over the dashboard, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes and laugh. I got outta the car and jogged my way up the front of the store where Suzy was waiting for me. We grabbed a grocery cart and started moving through the aisles as quickly as possible.

"You look happy."

"Do I?" I replied as I placed a package of dead animal in the cart.

"Yeah. It's… It's nice," she smiled. "I mean, you're always happy. This is just a different type of happy. It looks good on you."

"Thanks," I lightly laughed. "We're not gonna hug it out in front of the frozen cow, are we?"

"You always know how to ruin our precious moments," she sighed as she shoved the cart forward, causing me to laugh loudly.

We grabbed what we needed and headed to check out. I texted Jackson to let him know that his quality time with the car was over, and he needed to head back from wherever he was. All I got back was a sad face.

Suzy and I scurried out of the store and made our way over to the car. She told me about the little things I was missing in New York as we drove back. I made a mental note to go over the dates of Suzy's summer break with her, so I could book a flight home. The more she talked about Prospect Park picnics, the unbearably hot subway cars, and the Macy's fireworks display I missed for the fourth, the more homesick I got.

We got to the hotel and lugged the groceries into Jackson's room. We made the rounds so Suzy could say hi to everyone. I let them all know that fajitas were on the dinner agenda and made my way back to Jackson's room, so I could start. Suzy offered to help but I shooed her away, telling her to chill after her plane ride. I didn't know exactly who was going to be around, so I ended up making a ridiculous amount of food. Two minutes after I texted Jackson that dinner was ready, I heard what sounded like a stampede coming down the hallway. As it turned out, most of the cast was around.

As I was getting the plate of tortillas on the table and everyone was sitting down, there was a light knock on the door despite it being ajar. As it slowly opened, Bryce peeked her head in.

"Hey! I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" I asked as I walked over to give her a quick hug.

"Good," she smiled. "Jackson messaged me and said you guys were having dinner. Is it okay if we join you?"

It was then I noticed that her husband and her son were with her. She introduced me to her husband and then motioned to her son who was babbling about a toy he had in his hand as he held on to his dad's leg. The moment I locked eyes with her kid, I was a goner. I knelt down in front of him and smiled.

"This is Theo," Seth, Bryce's husband, said.

"Hi, Theo. I'm Iris. Are you hungry?"

He quickly looked up to his parents and then back to me, smiling and waving his toy in my face. I took his hand and walked him over to the dining room table. I motioned to Bryce which pan had the fake chicken in it while I got Theo settled. It didn't matter, though, because ten minutes later, after everyone had taken their seats, he was in my lap as he and I tried to feed each other. We ended up making more of a mess than actually eating.

"I hope you realize you may never get him back," Suzy said as she nodded towards Theo. "She has this freaky voodoo thing with little kids. They all adore her. It's like the bat signal or something."

"It's a Mexican thing. Why do you think most of us end up as nannies?" I laughed. "If you guys ever need a babysitter, just lemme know," I said and then opened my mouth so Theo could stuff a piece of tortilla in it, though he ended up missing and caused us both to laugh.

I looked to my left and found Jackson staring and smirking at me.

"What?" I giggled, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

"You're gonna leave me for him, aren't you?" he chuckled.

"You know it! You can't deny this little face," I cooed, smooshing Theo's chubby cheeks.

We all sat around and ate for almost an hour before anybody decided to get up. I carried Theo around while I cleaned, doing what I could with only one arm as I made silly sounds that would cause him to giggle and then hide in my hair. When Bryce and Seth finally decided to take him back, I may or may not have pouted a bit.

As I was clearing the rest of the dishes from the table, Kristen grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out into the hallway, glancing around as if she was making sure we were alone.

"Can I ask you for a huge favor?" she asked.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Um, is it okay if we hang at your place tomorrow night? I was hoping to smoke, and I don't like doing it here at the hotel if I can help it."

It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about.

"On one condition," I began. "You give me the name of your contact, so Suzy and I can join in."

"Really? I knew I fucking liked you for a reason," she laughed. "Fuck, this is gonna be awesome. And don't worry about it. I've got you covered."

"I'll pick up munchies and whatnot before we partake as our in," I said as I walked back into the room.

I noticed Suzy sitting on one of the couches listening to a convo between Jackson, Nikki, and Rob.

"Yo, Suz. Green Tea party at the house tomorrow night."

"Really?" she asked, looking stunned when her eyebrows shot up. "Who's hosting?"

"Kristen."

"Your China or hers?"

"I have a brand new one at the house, but I think she may wanna use hers," I said as I turned to Kristen.

"We can use mine. I just need to clean it."

"Wait. We're having tea tomorrow night?" Rob asked, his face full of British confusion.

"No, we're smoking up at Iris' place," she said, explaining our plans.

By the end of the convo, Rob, Nikki, and Jackson were joining us. Nikki and I finished cleaning the table and then began washing the dishes. We were making small talk when I felt a pair of familiar arms go around my waist.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I do it every once in a while. Suzy says she couldn't handle me if I was stoned all the time."

"The stories I could tell you…" I heard Suzy say. "In fact, I'll show you. Is there a laptop I can borrow real quick?"

"Suz, what are you doing?" I asked, turning around enough to see her smirking.

Rather than answer me, she started typing something into the laptop Jackson motioned to on the coffee table. Her smirked morphed into that fucking wicked grin she was known for, and I began to fear for my life.

"Here," she said as she sat back further into the couch, her arms crossed over her chest.

Everybody made their way to hover over the screen, and when I realized what they were looking at, I almost walked outta the room. She had pulled up one of my most incriminating photo albums on Faceboook. She began to go through each of the pics, retelling stories of how I almost fell out of a seventeenth story window during our freshman year of college or how we managed to smoke in Central Park during 4/20 and not get caught. I drew the line at Suzy telling the story of my first ever buy on the corner of some shady street in downtown New York.

We ended up going through a bunch of other albums I had posted while I stood with Jackson, his arms still around my waist. When we got to the one that had old family photos of me, I tried to snag the laptop and close it. In her undying effort to embarrass the shit outta me, Suzy managed to keep the laptop outta my hands. I cringed and hid my face as she showed pics of me graduating from kindergarten, hitting a _pinata_ for one of my cousin's birthdays, and dressed up for a _quincenera_. When a pic of me smiling like a fool directly into the camera when I was five came up, I couldn't help but groan as everybody laughed and made embarrassing comments. I guess Jackson thought I was gonna try and take off, because his hold became Superman strong. I was forced to sit there as they talked about the fact that I had bangs and tiny teeth.

"Look at how cute you were," he chuckled.

"What happened, right?" I laughed back.

I heard him groan as he dropped his arms from around me.

"What?" I asked, looking back at him.

He didn't say anything and refused to look at me. I looked over to the rest of the group who seemed embarrassed to be there and at Suzy who was shooting me evil death glares.

"What just happened? What's wrong?" I asked, confused as fuck as to why everyone's demeanor had suddenly changed.

"I think this is the point where Kristen shows me her China," Suzy said as she and the rest of the group got up and walked out, Suzy smacking the back of my head as she strolled past me.

When the door closed, Jackson walked towards the sink of dirty dishes I had yet to wash.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"You did it again."

"I did what?"

"What'd I tell you about the self-deprecating crap?"

I stood there as I tried to make sense of what he was saying. When I realized that my little comment was the reason for his attitude, I rolled my eyes.

"Are you really that pissed at me that the room had to clear out?"

When he didn't say anything, I knew that this was going to be one of those after school special talks.

"Hey," I said softly, causing him to turn around and lean against the counter though he didn't look at me.

"Really gorgeous dude I get to call my boyfriend?"

He smirked, making me laugh, and then finally raised his eyes to me.

"Come on. Let's talk," I said, gesturing for him to sit on the couch.

He walked over and sat down on the edge, letting his elbows rest on his knees. I decided to sit on the coffee table, so I could do the face-to-face thing with him. We sorta just looked at each other for a bit, pretty much just staring each other down. Hoping to ease some of the tension in the room, I wiggled my nose and scrunched up my face. When he finally gave me that smile I adore, I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.

"I'm sorry about what I said, but _only_ because it upset you," I began, causing him to huff.

"You told me you weren't going to talk shit like that anymore."

"I said I would meet you halfway. You have to remember something, though. Realistically, I'm not just gonna be fixed overnight."

"You think I'm trying to fix you?" he asked, his face almost looking disgusted.

"I'm sure you're not deliberately trying to do that, but it almost feels that way."

"I'm not. I just don't like the fact that you think so little of yourself."

"And I get that. I really do. I just can't undo years of thinking with the snap of your fingers. It's gonna take time," I mumbled, fiddling my flip-flop. "I _wanna_ believe I'm all sorts of cute, because that's the type of person you should be with. But it's gonna be a while before I can stop that sort of talk all together. It's gonna take even longer for me to not believe any of it. I just don't wanna fight with you every time I say something like that. Just be patient with me, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll try not to kick your ass when you say something stupid."

"My ass thanks you for that," I giggled.

He leaned forward and kissed me, blissing me the fuck out with his lips. When we finally pulled away, I was panting and his face was red.

"We should probably go tell them that the coast is clear," he said.

"Can't we just stay here and molest each other's lips for a while?" I said, causing him to laugh and shake his head. "Oh, fine," I grumbled.

We headed over to Kristen's room, assuming that they were all in there, and knocked. I stood on my tippy-toes to kiss him while we waited for the door to open. The next thing I knew, I was up against the wall having a tongue war with Jackson.

"I'm going to take this disgusting display of affection as a sign that everything's okay with you two now?"

Jackson and I pulled apart to see Kristen holding the door open, her patented eyebrow raise in place.

"Nope. This is how we fight," I said.

"Are they always like this?" I heard Suzy say from somewhere within the room.

"You don't even know the half of it," Rob said. "The image of them on the couch is burned into my brain."

Jackson and I walked into the room and apologized for what had happened earlier. Everyone but Suzy shrugged it off, her evil eye settling on me. I knew I was gonna have a lot to answer for on the way home. Suzy then decided to call it a night, stating that she was exhausted from the flight, and made her goodbye rounds. I decided to take this time to make out with Jackson some more. It took everyone in the room clearing their throats to get us to realize we weren't alone. Rather than be embarrassed about it, I owned up.

"For the love of Mariah, lemme enjoy myself," I playfully scolded, causing them all to laugh.

Suzy dragged me outta the room before I could do any more lip damage, and we headed home.

The next morning, I woke up fairly early and headed downstairs after I put my contacts in. I noticed that Suzy's door was still closed and figured I could play nice by making her breakfast. Twenty minutes later, I heard her coming down the stairs as I was placing scrambled eggs, hashbrowns, and salsa on a plate for her. I poured her a large ass cup of coffee when her head flopped down onto the island.

"Thanks for breakfast," I heard her mumble.

"Drink your coffee. I need to go shopping for clothes today."

Her had snapped up so quickly, I thought it was gonna fly off.

"You _wanna_ go shopping?" she asked, completely befuddled.

"It's not that I want to so much as I need to. The clothes I have now don't fit me anymore," I said, taking a bite of my eggs.

"Okay. Wow. This is a shock," she laughed, shaking her head. "When do you want to leave?"

"Around lunch time? I'm not in any rush, and you know that I don't wanna spend more than a couple of hours there. I just wanna get in and out and be done with it. Plus, I still need to stop at the grocery store. I wanna make something muncharific for tonight."

I texted the Green Tea party crew and asked if they had anything specific in mind for munchies. Everyone but Rob said they didn't care. He asked if Hot Pockets were a possibility. I texted back something snarky but reassured him that his precious Hot Pockets would be here. We all synchronized our watches, deciding to have them all come over around 8pm. I figured it would give Suzy and I enough time to get the shopping out of the way and be able to spend some quality BFF time together before we got stupid with the Green Tea crew.

Suz and I lounged around for a bit before we headed upstairs to shower and get ready. In a very Jackson move, she asked to drive the Obama car. I handed over the keys only after she promised me that she would take me to either Walmart or Target for the shopping. An hour later, I found myself in a dressing room trying on clothes and getting yelled at by Suzy for not having more fashion sense.

"As long as it's comfortable, I don't really care. You know this," I said as I twisted my body so I could see the pants from all sides.

"Don't you wanna show off the new bod?" she beamed. "Baggy jeans and t-shirts are okay when you're just lounging. What about when you go out? You wanna look like a bum?"

"I do _not_ look like a bum. I just like what I like, and I happen to like jeans and t-shirts. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna go out anywhere to need fancy shmancy clothing."

"What about Jackson?"

"I really don't think Jackson's interested in wearing anything I pick out for myself today," I laughed.

"Very funny, smart ass. I just thought you might wanna do something a little more dressed up for him."

"Do you think I should?" I asked, starting to worry.

"It wouldn't hurt. It's not like you're changing who you are or anything. You're just adding a little more to your wardrobe."

I stood in front of the mirror and looked over the new clothes I was wearing. I fought with my inner-tomboy and wondered if showing a little more skin or wearing tighter clothing would be something I would need to do to keep Jackson interested.

"You know what? No," I shook my head. "If I start wearing shit I'm not comfortable in, it's just gonna make my head explode. Besides, if Jackson wanted to be with someone who's all girly with the heels and the hooker clothing, he wouldn't be with me."

Suzy stared at me through the mirror, her jaw dropping to the floor.

"What?" I laughed.

"Wow," she whispered. "That was sorta deep."

As we continued shopping, Suz and I decided to go see a movie. I texted Jackson and asked him if he or anybody else wanted to come along, giggling that we could find trench coats and sunglasses for them to be covert, but he messaged me back saying that they didn't wanna interrupt my quality time with Suzy.

After another hour, she and I finally decided to call it quits with the shopping. I ended up leaving the store with ten new pairs of pants and fifteen shirts. While I didn't wanna change my style, I ended up getting a couple of outfits that were still me but a little more dressy. I was pretty happy that I was down to a size six, and despite still not feeling it, I wanted to celebrate.

We checked out and threw our stuff into the car. We drove around for a bit while she checked what movies were available, and we unanimously decided on _The Hangover_. Two hours later, we were hysterically crying from laughing so much. As per usual, we recited our favorite lines from the movie as we walked back to the car.

"I think I have a crush on Zach Galifianakis," I confessed, trying to wipe away the tears as I drove toward the grocery store. "I haven't laughed that hard while watching a movie in forever."

"Bradley Cooper's hot," Suzy said, wagging her eyebrows at me.

"Of course you'd think he's hot," I chuckled. "And who knew we had so much in common with Mike Tyson?"

"I nearly pissed myself during that part."

We bantered some more as we drove, blasting Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" just for shits and giggles, and then kept it up as we shopped for food. I grabbed chips and anything covered in chocolate as we walked down the junk food aisle. As we started heading back towards the real food, we realized that a home-cooked meal didn't really go with a night of being stoned. We booked it outta the store, and I called Jackson as we pulled into the driveway.

"Is it okay with you guys if we just ordered pizza?" I asked. "I bought munchies and Rob's damn Hot Pockets, but I figured we could just do something greasy and deliverable."

"Sounds good to me," he chuckled.

"Do you guys wanna come over now?"

"Rob, Kristen, and I are having a little jam session, but we'll head over soon. I'll see you in a bit, Baby Girl."

Suz and I scooted upstairs to put away the clothes we bought. I decided to change into one of the new shirts and pants just because I wanted to. I heard music blasting through the speakers and ran downstairs to find Suzy scrolling through my iPod. She settled on my _Forrest Gump_ soundtrack, and we moved our way into the kitchen. As The Mamas And The Papas, Simon And Garfunkel, The Doors, and Fleetwood Mac played, we started putting all the munchies away but decided to just leave them out, knowing that it'd just be easier to not have to fight with the cupboards later.

Suzy and I were in the middle of talking and cackling about some of our stupidest moments while stoned when the doorbell rang. Without even having to tell them, the crew walked in and found Suzy and I lying down on the floor, hysterically laughing.

"See that?" Kristen said to Jackson. "That's what you and Iris looked like when we found you after you fuckers slammed into one another."

Rob and Jackson walked over to help us get off the floor. As I was dusting myself off, I noticed Kristen holding my iPod, which was still hooked up to the sound system.

"You have actual playlists for getting high?" she laughed.

"What? Is that weird?"

"No. That's fucking amazing."

I walked over when she started making faces.

"Rob, she's got a playlist full of gangster rap."

"Put that one on!" he yelled.

When she shook her head and they started to argue, I suggested just leaving it on shuffle and hoping that enough of what everyone liked to listen to would end up playing. Once everyone agreed, we all made our way out to the screened in porch. Kristen pulled out her bowl and let Suzy clean it after she professed to being an expert. When Suz was done, Kristen filled it, letting us know that she had more than enough to last us for several rounds. After deciding to go with the "Puff, puff, pass" method, Kristen lit up and we began to take our hits.

"You guys are in for a treat," Suzy giggled. "If you think Iris is random, just wait until you see her high. She's outta control."

"This coming from the girl who convinced me it was a good idea to smoke at Rockefeller Center at 2am while waiting in line for SNL standby tickets," I countered.

"Rob gets really quiet and then weepy," Kristen said. "Nikki kinda just stares into space and then falls asleep. Jackson gets…" she trialed off. "Well, you'll see."

"Should I be scared?" I asked, trying to hold in the hit I just took.

I looked over at Jackson, who was sitting to my right, to see if he would tell me what she was talking about but all he did was smirk and shrug. When he didn't answer, I blew the smoke in his face.

We finished the first bowl and sat around, letting it sink in. I always had a habit of smoking a cig right after, convinced it would help the high come that much quicker. Just when I started to really feel the weed, I looked around at everyone else. Sure enough, Nikki was staring off into nothing, Rob was utterly quiet, and Kristen was packing another bowl while she talked to Suzy. I moved myself further back into the couch and turned to face Jackson. The fucker was staring at me. Well, I didn't know if he was actually staring or it was the paranoia, but I coulda sworn he was staring. I tried to shake the idea outta my head and looked back to Kristen. Just as she was lighting up the second bowl, I felt something wrap around my waist. I squealed and jumped, scared outta my mind. When I looked down, I realized there were arms around me. I couldn't put two and two together, so I followed the arms and realized they were attached to Jackson. He started laughing when he saw the confusion on my face. I play pouted, trying to squirm my way out from his hold, but he just pulled me back into his chest more.

"Stop squirming," he whispered into my ear.

Because of the weed, everything Jackson was doing was sending me spinning. I could barely concentrate on anything, because all I could feel were his arms around me and the way his whisper made me shiver.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

I shook my head even though I shivered again. I heard him chuckle and then felt as his lips kissed my neck. He pulled me back into his chest again, so much that I could feel his belt buckle against my lower back.

"See?" Kristen giggled. "It's already started."

Everyone turned to look at Jackson and I, not helping me out with the paranoia, and smiled. Honestly, their smiles were creeping me out. Hoping to not wig the fuck out, I concentrated on the bowl as it was being passed around. By the time we finished it and I was smoking a cig, I was fucking gone. I couldn't tell you my name even if I wanted to. I started noticing little things and then getting lost in them. Before I knew it, I was walking out of the screened-in porch - sorta fighting with the door that refused to get outta my way - and out into the backyard. I laid down and just stared up at the sky.

_The stars are so pretty. How'd they get up there, anyway?_

"Iris? You okay? What are you doing?" I heard Suzy yell.

"Shhhh," I responded.

I couldn't help but close my eyes and just hum at feeling so tingly. I could feel the grass underneath my arms and I started to squirm, which only made the sound of me crushing the blades that much more apparent to my ears. With all the moving around, the grass was starting to itch and I giggled at the fact that I didn't have the coordination to scratch the back of my arms. As if I needed anything else to add to my stoned ass, my cheeks were actually starting to hurt from smiling so much.

Suddenly, I was beyond thirsty. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, feeling totally cotton-mouthed. It took every effort in the universe to get me to fling myself off the grass and walk back inside.

"Where are you going, Baby Girl?"

"Water. I need water. My mouth's yucky. Do you guys want water? I'll bring you water. Water all around!" I rushed out and then giggled.

"How you feeling?" Rob asked, laughing.

"I'm _so_ good. Dude, Rob? Did I ever tell you your accent's the shit? Like, it's _the_ _shit_. It makes the ladies get all tangled up in their underwear. Damn it, I still need water."

I could hear a roar of laughter as I walked back into the house. I kept repeating to myself to yell at them about laughing at me when I went back outside, but the fact that I couldn't even remember what I went inside for made the mantra that much more difficult. It took a few seconds of me standing in the kitchen to remember that I wanted water. I grabbed as many water bottles from the fridge as I could and then walked back out to the porch. I handed them out and sat down, barely able to get the top twisted off. I downed half the bottle before I had to stop due to brain freeze.

_I'm hungry._

I placed the bottle as carefully as I could back onto the table and then stood up.

"Where are you going now?" Suzy laughed.

"I'm hungry, and we never did order the pizza."

"You wanna do that now?" Kristen asked.

"I can barely remember how to walk, K. I don't have the faintest idea how to operate a phone right now."

"Alright, I'm going to bed," I heard Nikki say. "Just wake me up before we leave."

"_Vamonos, mi nina_," I said as I held my hand out for her to take.

I walked her into one of the bedrooms on the ground floor, quickly realizing that stair navigation was not the best thing to try, and got her under the covers. I went all maternal by running into the kitchen and grabbing another bottle of water for her and placing it on the nightstand. I heard her mumble something, and then she was out. I headed back into the kitchen and tried to decide what I wanted to munch on. Rather than go for the junk food that was left out on the counter earlier, I clapped like a three year old when I found the bag of grapes in the fridge. I looked over at the dining room table and decided against sitting there, because it was just too formal for grape-eating. The couch was _way_ too fucking far away, so that was out. I decided to hoist myself up on the island and just sit on it while I ate my grapes. How I managed to get myself up there without falling down and cracking my head open on the floor, I have no idea but I did it.

I could faintly hear everybody else out on the porch talking and laughing as the music filtered out through the speakers in the living room. I sat cross-legged on the island, swaying back and forth to the music, lightly humming along to whatever song was playing. When it was over and Christina Aguilera's "Candyman" came on, I squeed and danced in my seat.

I could hear someone walking into the kitchen, but since my back was to the backyard, I couldn't see who it was. I didn't even feel like turning around. I was way into the song and my grapes.

"Where'd you go?" I heard Jackson say as he kissed my cheek.

"I found the grapes," I whispered. "Don't tell Suzy. She'll take them from me. You won't take my grapes, right?"

"You won't even give me one?" he pouted.

I looked up at him and couldn't help but give in. His hair was pulled back which let me see just how red his eyes were from smoking up. He gave me the puppy dog eyes as much as he could since they were half-closed to begin with.

"I'll share my grapes with you, but only because you're gorgeous and I'm convinced this song was written about you. And because I like you a lot," I giggled.

I released the death grip I had on the bag and handed it to Jackson. He took out a couple and popped them in his mouth. He handed the bag back to me and I ate a couple, continuing to hum and dance to the music playing over the speakers.

"I love _uvas_," I sighed.

"What are they called?"

"_Uvas_."

"Wait. Say it slowly."

"_U-vas_," I said.

I noticed that his eyes were no longer on the bag of grapes but on my face, though he wasn't looking me in the eyes. It took him licking his lips for me to realize he was staring at my mouth. I tried not to smile but couldn't help it and ended up clearing my throat to get his attention. He placed his hands on either side of me, trapping me where I was sitting on the island, and leaned forward, finally moving his eyes back up to mine.

"_Uvas_," I smirked.

And then Hottie McGreenEyes attacked my mouth.

I dropped the bag of grapes somewhere and grabbed onto his upper arms. I needed to steady myself since I was already off kilter, and Jackson and I were just going at it. We kissed until we couldn't breathe anymore, but it didn't stop Jackson from moving onto my neck. I hummed as he sucked on the area behind my ear, and then moaned when I felt his hands on my thighs. He slowly moved them down to my knees and then managed to untangle me so that I was no longer sitting cross-legged. He moved his mouth back up my neck and went back to kissing me. I brought my arms up around his neck and pulled myself closer to him. Apparently, chest-to-chest wasn't enough for him because I suddenly felt his hands on my hips. He pulled me closer to the edge of the island, so he was standing directly in between my legs.

I didn't know if it was the weed or what, but I could feel the heat coming off his body. It didn't help that Jackson's promise land was directly up against my hoo ha. So, when Jackson moaned into my mouth, it didn't take me by surprise that the cooter department was suddenly at attention. What _did _surprise me was that the hoo ha was getting felt up even though his hands were still on my hips. It took me a couple of seconds, but I realized that Jackson was slowly grinding into me.

On the third or fourth grind, I whimpered and then all dry humping hell broke loose. Jackson suddenly pulled Little Iris completely against Little Jackson, which from what I could tell, was not little _at all_. I thought I was going to fall off the island from the sudden movement, so I brought my left hand down onto the counter. Even though the weed was making every touch and kiss and grind that much more amplified, I still wanted him closer. So, the only logical solution for my horny ass was to wrap my legs around his waist and lock my ankles. My logical solution seemed to be the invitation Jackson was looking for.

Suddenly, the grinding because serious business. Every moment was making my nether region want to invite him in and take up permanent residence. And then he started grining directly onto my clit. I wasn't expecting it and my arm nearly gave out, getting all wobbly. Jackson's hold on my hips got tighter, so I figured I'd be okay if I brought my hands up to his face and kissed him even harder. I was moaning and whimpering into his mouth, right on the edge of cumming thanks to some help from his belt buckle, as he kept up the pelvic exercises. When I couldn't breathe anymore, I managed to remove my tongue from his mouth, though my lips stayed on his. We were basically breathing into each other's mouths.

"Baby, if you keep doing that, I'm gonna cum," I whimpered.

I saw him smirk, and I knew I was in trouble. He was actually going to make me cum in the kitchen and on the island, no less. I had every urge to unbuckle his belt and have him drop trou, my virgin status be damned. Before I had the chance to even reach for his pants…

"My eyes! My eyes!"

Jackson immediately dropped his hands from my hips and onto the counter. His head ended up in the crook of my neck as he tried to catch his breath. I was still trying to deal with the fact that I was high as a kite and on the verge of cumming on a kitchen island, wondering if I should or even _could_ move.

I heard some sort of commotion behind me. Jackson raised his head, looking at whatever was going on, and then laughed.

_Dry humping moment over, I guess._

I let my legs fall from around his waist and I began to sit up, pulling my ass further up the island so I wouldn't fall off. I refused to let go of his face, though. I sat there for a bit, thinking about what just had happened, and tried to catch my breath.

"Who did we just scar for life?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Suzy."

"Sunuvabitch," I groaned.

I dropped my hands from his face, trying to not let the fact that I was left hanging show on my face, and made to move off the island. Jackson stepped back and helped me down. As much as I tried not to, my eyes immediately went to his crotch. I looked back up to his face and rolled my eyes at the fact that he caught me glancing at his promise land.

_An underwear change is in order. I'm quite uncomfy._

"I, um, need to change," I mumbled, knowing I only had the weed to thank for being so vocal and honest.

As I was walking up the stairs, holding on to the banister for dear life, I heard him say he was gonna head to the bathroom. I nearly slipped and fell down the steps as I let out a hysterical laugh.

As I was changing the unmentionables, I briefly debated about whether I should go for Jackson's method of manual release. I ended up not doing it just, because I didn't wanna have to try and explain why I was gone for so long. I quickly threw on a new pair of pants, almost falling over since I had absolutely no coordination.

As I straightened myself out, I could feel myself coming down from the high. It was then I realized that I had not only just been over-the-clothes fucked by Jackson but that I had contemplated ditching the V card entirely. That's not how I had ever figured my first time would be. I didn't expect candles and moonlight or any of that shit. I just didn't want to be chemically altered and a few days into a relationship. The more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I became with how far I had planned on going. This was something I needed to talk to him about, but I knew that it shouldn't happen during a smoke out. I resigned myself to making sure to have the sex talk with him soon but to enjoy the rest of the night. I didn't want to look back on what had happened in the kitchen as something I regretted.

I made my way downstairs, suddenly fearful of facing Suzy and any commentary she may decide to dish out. When I stepped out onto the porch, she and Kristen were lighting up another bowl.

"Another one?" I asked.

Suzy looked up and glared at me.

"After that, I need this. A bottle of bleach for my eyes would help, too."

I sat down next to her and watched her take hit after hit, laughing that she was using weed to try and rid the kitchen incident from her memory. She finally passed the bowl to me, and even though I was almost sober, I wanted to indulge and continue the party. I took my hits and passed it to Rob, looking up when I heard Jackson step out onto the porch. I tried not to glance in his crotchial area or blush at the fact that the dude had to take matters into his own hands – literally - just a few minutes before.

"Really, you two? On the fucking island? Have you no respect for where we eat?" Suzy coughed.

"You fucked in the kitchen?" Kristen asked, her voice on the verge of yelling.

Rob, who had been inhaling, suddenly let out this massive cloud of smoke, coughing and gasping for air. His eyes were huge and watering.

We all laughed, but then Jackson and I had to reassure Kristen and Rob that no fucking was involved. I'm sure they would've believed us had Jackson not taken a seat behind me and started up with the kissing and rubbing again. I giggled as I slapped at his hands that were now around my waist again. I decided to ignore Suzy's disgusted groan and just be happy.

We ended up finishing that bowl and smoking another before we decided that we were good and stoned for the night. We somehow made it back inside and ordered pizza. Everyone pretty much camped out in the living room, humming and smiling like fools while lying on the couches, as I clumsily made my way over to the room where Nikki was sleeping. It didn't take much to wake her up, and I let her know that the pizza was on its way. She groaned but got outta bed to join us. We were all experiencing serious munchies, but none of us could make the five second walk to the kitchen. When the doorbell rang, it took everything in me to get off the floor and answer it. Once I paid and brought the pizzas over, though, we were pigging the fuck out. After all three pizzas were gone, we went back to lounging.

"You guys aren't really planning on going home in this state, are you?" I asked, mumbling since I was face down in the living room carpet.

"Why not?" Nikki asked.

"Well, you're all still high as fuck. You can't drive like this. Plus, what happens when you get back to the hotel and the paps snap you that way?"

"I didn't even think about that," Rob sighed.

"Why don't you guys just stay here? There's more than enough room. I'll even do breakfast in the morning."

"Sounds good," I heard Kristen say from somewhere.

We all started moving at a snail's pace to the stairs, laughing when Rob pointed out that it was only 10pm. Without even thinking about it, I grabbed Jackson's hand and brought him to my room. I grabbed my PJs and walked into the bathroom to change. When I came back out, he was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"Shit. I don't have anything for you to wear to bed."

He looked up at me and smirked.

"Oh, don't even give me that," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm just kidding. I'll just sleep in this."

I gave him a thankful smile and went back into the bathroom to take out my contacts. After putting on my glasses so I could navigate the distance to the bed, I walked out and found Jackson already passed out underneath the sheets. I climbed in and took off my glasses, setting them on the nightstand. As I was turning out the lamp, Jackson threw his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. He snuggled into my hair before kissing my neck, and we both fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of the shower. I noticed that Jackson wasn't next to me, so I figured he wanted to at least clean up since he was going home in the same clothes from the night before. I got outta bed and knocked on the bathroom door, needing to get in there and get to my contacts.

"Baby Girl?"

"I just need to put my contacts in," I said through the door.

"It's open."

I opened it, put my contacts in, brushed my teeth, and made a beeline outta the bathroom. As much as I wanted to see the full monty and cure my curiosity, I wasn't quite ready for it.

_Thank God for shower curtains._

I made my way downstairs and started a pot of coffee for the caffeine freaks that were probably still sleeping. I pulled out what I needed to make French toast and the bag of frozen hashbrowns, also grabbing the sausage and bacon. I was just getting started when I heard Suzy yawning behind me. Just like the day before, she plopped herself down on the island and let her head rest on the top. I watched as she suddenly jerked her head up and made a face, letting out a disgusted groan.

"What's wrong?"

"You haven't cleaned the counter, have you?" she mumbled.

I tried not to laugh so loud that it would wake everyone up, but I couldn't help it. She eventually joined in, throwing bits of bread at my head as I cooked. As soon as we heard everyone making their way towards us and the food, Suzy walked over and put on my favorite Eva Cassidy song on repeat, wanting to keep the mood light. Everyone grabbed their food, poured their cups of coffee, and chatted while they ate. Jackson and I chastily smooched before he finally began to inhale his French toast.

They didn't stay around long, wanting to get back to the hotel and shower. They made us promise to come by the hotel when we were ready and maybe have dinner before Suzy left the next day.

"Breakfast chat," Suzy said as soon as the Green Tea crew had left.

I groaned, knowing that this was probably going to be a sex talk. I poured myself some OJ and dragged ass into the living room, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Suzy.

"So," she chuckled. "Fucking with your clothes on, huh?"

"We weren't," I whined, completely lying through my teeth. "Alright, fine. We were," I admitted when I saw the look on her face.

"Big step for you."

"I know. I partially blame the weed though. It had me all blissed out and feeling good," I giggled. "But I do need to talk to him and find out what exactly he expects from me in the bumping uglies department."

"You ready to go there with him already?" she asked as she took a sip of her coffee and raised her eyebrows.

"Not at all. I mean, it crossed my mind right before you walked in on us, but I was just caught up in the moment. That's not how I wanna go about things. I'm not ready to get all down and dirty yet."

"What about, ya know, other stuff?" she hinted.

"I don't know," I said as I rubbed my eyes. "You know I've never done more than kissing, so I have no idea what to expect or what's expected of me. I obviously wanna get to that point with him, but I'm not completely comfortable with the idea yet. I think once he and I talk, I'm sure the blow jobs will begin," I joked.

"I already have the image of you two in the kitchen. Please don't add anything else, especially this early in the morning," she groaned.

"Sorry," I lightly laughed.

She dropped the subject then and there, deciding it would be best to clean up the mess from last night and then get ready for the day. After she cleaned the pizza boxes in the living room and I made all of the beds, we headed out to the backyard to have a cig. We took our time smoking so we could talk about home and whatnot. She reminded me that she had three weeks off in August and that she wanted me to come home for at least one of those. So as soon as we finished our cigs, we went back inside and booked my flight home.

I didn't expect to feel both giddy and sad at the idea of heading back to New York.

We hopped in the shower, swearing we'd be fast but ended up not leaving the house for another couple of hours. I decided to bring a couple of board games just in case a game night was in order. I figured that keeping it innocent would make up for the amount of stupid that took place with the weed.

I texted Jackson and told him that Suz and I were outta the house but were going to drive around for a bit and just spend some time together before she left. She and I ended up at a Starbucks, talking in detail about what we'd been up to since we saw each other last. I confessed to her that I was happy to go home and see everybody, but I was also nervous about leaving Jackson. It'd been forever and a day since I had been in a relationship, let alone with someone who could stop traffic with a mere smirk. Sure, he'd left for the fourth, but I had no idea what we were then and he'd only been gone for a few days. The fact that we were officially together made things even more nerve-wracking. I should've felt confident in that fact, but I wasn't.

We ended up making our way to the hotel around 4pm. Everybody was huddled in Ashley's room, immediately making comments to us about the ridiculousness that was the Green Tea party. I guess the crew wasn't too shy about letting the stories fly. Even though she had been with us, Nikki was listening intently and laughing along with everyone else. Kristen told them all about how I rambled and then decided to roll around in the grass. In an effort to save myself, I told them all about how Rob had freaked out and coughed up the equivalent of a mushroom cloud. When I was asked what exactly prompted Rob's reaction, I buried my face in Jackson's chest. Luckily for me, Suzy managed to change the subject to how Nikki had passed the fuck out and Kristen's use of really big words while stoned, saving me the embarrassment of having to reveal the real reason.

When everybody started getting hungry, Peter, who had thankfully joined us _after_ the smoke talk had taken place, offered to make dinner. I was down for that considering I hadn't brought any groceries with me. Dinner ended up being lasagna in Peter's hotel room, some sitting on the floor while others sat on the couch. When we were done, everybody agreed that a PG night was in order. We played Pictionary again, and Suzy learned why it was never a good idea to put Kellan and I on opposite teams. I really didn't mean to throw that marker at him. It _swear_ it just slipped outta my hand.

We played until it was close to midnight and then called it a night. Suzy took her time saying goodbye, trying to pinpoint when she would be back next while Kellan and I scheduled a rematch. As much as I wanted to take my time with Jackson, I was pretty sure Suzy would gut me despite all the witnesses, so I was forced to just give him a quick kiss before we left.

Since Suzy's flight didn't leave until after lunch, we slept in, had cereal, and took our time getting ready. I didn't want her to go, but I was thankful that she had made the trip out for no reason other than she missed me. Our drive to the airport consisted of us talking about what were going to do when I flew back for her summer break. There were movies to be seen, parks to be walked, liquor to be consumed, and smoking to be done. With a quick hug and a promise to see me soon, Suzy was gone.

The next couple of days were pretty quiet for me. Jackson and the crew were shooting and their schedules were all sorts of wonky. I didn't expect to see much of him, if at all, until the weekend. So, when he called me early Wednesday evening while I was making my vegetarian _chile con carne_, I was pretty fucking surprised. What I also noticed was that he was not his usual happy self.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Just one of those days, I guess," he grumbled and then yawned. "What are you doing tonight?"

"I'm planning on streaking through a GAP store and then tunneling my way out of jail with a spoon. Why?"

"Can you come over?" he asked, not even laughing at my stupid joke.

"Yeah. When?"

"I get outta here in thirty minutes."

"Sure. See you in a few."

I threw dinner into some tupperware, making sure I packed enough in case he wanted to eat, and wondered why he was in such a piss-poor mood. I grabbed my shit and hopped in the car. I made a girlfriend/executive decision to stop at the store and pick up an already made, refrigerated cheesecake for dessert on my way to the hotel. It may not have gone with dinner, but it was fucking cheesecake.

Cheesecake makes everything better.

I arrived at the hotel a little early but decided to wait in the hallway for him, sitting on the floor against the wall. I didn't know if anybody else was around, and I kinda wanted to hide since I didn't bring enough food for everyone. When I heard the elevator ding, I looked up and watched as Jackson walked out, looked at me, and then got right back in the elevator. Before I could even come up with a panicky reason as to why he bolted, he came right back up and handed me a card.

"I don't want you sitting in the hallway if you're waiting on me," he said as he gestured to what I now noticed to be a copy of his hotel room key.

I tried not to dwell on the fact that the man had just given me full access to his hotel room and pay attention to the fact that he looked miserable and exhausted, flopping himself down onto his bed. I watched as he laid there like a slug for a bit before I started getting dinner in order. When I was done, he raised his head and gave me this questioning look. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him, grabbing his hand, and brought him over to the dining room so he could sit and eat.

We ate in silence. It was pretty weird, to be honest. Then again, it was never just us eating by ourselves.

We finished up, and I dashed to get the cheesecake outta the fridge before he could get up from the table. When I placed a slice in front of him, he let out a small chuckle.

"That's right. You eat your cheesecake, and then we'll talk about why you're all emo-y right now," I said, pointing at his slice and raising my eyebrows.

He gave me a smirk and a small nod and went about eating his cheesecake. When we were done, he made to clear the table but I slapped his hands away and sent him back to the bed, telling him to lie down while I cleaned up. By the time I was done, he was half passed out. Wanting to make it even more calming for him, I plugged my iPhone into the dock he had and started up my "Non-Headbanging Nickel Creek" playlist. I went over and sat on the bed, motioning for him to make himself comfortable so I could give him a head massage.

A good twenty minutes passed before anybody said anything.

"Did Kellan de-pants you on set? Do I need to dress up like the Easter bunny and do a dance?"

"No," he chuckled. "It was just one of those days. I was in a bad mood when I woke up, and it just stayed with me. I haven't been able to shake it."

"So, you're not angry with me or at the world or anything?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" he asked, turning his head to face me.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "That's why I'm asking."

He leaned up and kissed me.

"If I was mad at you, I wouldn't have asked you over to make me feel better."

"Is that what you were doing? And I here I thought you were maybe inviting me over to kick my ass," I laughed.

"Head, woman. Make my day better," he chuckled, placing my hands back in his hair.

"Ay ay, Captain Cutie," I giggled.

I continued the massage for a bit and began to wonder if this was the time and place to have the sex talk with him. He hadn't been in the best of moods, but he was apparently feeling better. Plus, it was something that needed to be talked about now that I had a key to his room. That act alone just screamed, "We're gonna get busy sooner rather than later." I just didn't know if that's what he really meant or necessarily expected.

"I hate to break up this moment of peace and reflection, but I was hoping to talk to you about something."

"Shoot," he mumbled.

"Sex."

The word just kinda hung in the air for a bit before Jackson suddenly turned his entire body and looked up at me. The fucker was smirking.

"Stop with the smirk, you cocky bastard. This is a serious talk. See?" I said, pointing to my face and hoping that it portrayed business. "This is my serious face."

"Okay," he laughed. "What exactly do you want to talk about?"

"Well…" I trailed off, shifting uncomfortably. "Let's just get this out in the open. I'm a virgin. You aren't and not by a long shot. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you like to get your dick wet and quite often."

I don't think I had ever seen someone turn a multitude of different colors in less than two seconds right before my very eyes. He shot up out of his comfy position and sat up on the bed, facing me.

"Did you honestly just say that to me?" he asked, though he seemed more amused than anything else.

"Why aren't you angry at me for what I just said? I basically just called you a manwhore," I said suspiciously.

"It takes me back to the kitchen incident."

"How?"

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Baby Girl. It was hot hearing you say you were going to cum."

"You're such a guy," I laughed, rolling my eyes. "But back to the seriousness. I need to know what exactly you're expecting and how soon."

He sat there staring at me for a bit and then tilted his head, giving me a confused look. He leaned forward and kissed me, which only served to transfer the confused look to my face.

"I'm not expecting anything, Baby Girl," he said once he sat back. "If you're not ready, you're not ready. I'm not gonna push you into something like that. That's not how I work."

"That's not how you work, because you don't normally have to work at that sort of thing. You smile, and girls are half-naked before you can even say hi. And I'm not gonna lie to you. Every time I see you, I pretty much wanna rip your clothes off."

"Really?" he smirked.

"Oh, shut the fuck up. It's common knowledge that when Jackson Rathbone smiles, panties disintegrate. It's not like I'm not affected, either. Not mauling you has become a chore of sorts. It also doesn't help that our nether regions are pretty much on a first name basis after the kitchen incident. What I'm rambling about is this: I want to, _believe_ me, but I'm not ready."

"Like I said."

"Okay. Well, fuck. That was easy," I mumbled.

"Were you expecting something more complicated?" he laughed, leaning in to kiss me again.

"I don't know. It's just that you're known for being this sex god, and I didn't wanna think about you stepping out on me because I wasn't giving it up."

"Sex god?"

"People talk," I mumbled.

"What people?"

"Twitter people," I said, not looking him in the eyes.

I didn't want to admit it to him but there were a few stories, not a whole lot, about Jackson's out-of-pants experiences. Horizontal mambo action was supposedly had during the filming of "New Moon" with random people. There was, of course, the never-ending speculation that he and Ashley had done the dirty. I didn't even wanna _think_ about how often he dipped his wang into groupies.

I heard him let out a huge sigh and felt the bed shift.

"Come here," I heard him say.

I looked up and saw him extend his hand to me. I didn't know exactly where he wanted me to go so I just stayed put.

"Come on," he urged, taking my hand in his.

He pulled me to him, making me semi-waddle to him since I was on my knees. He pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. He kissed me, sweet and slow, before he got his serious face back on.

"I know that the sex thing isn't going to be easy for either one of us. I'm not stupid enough to think it's going to be smooth sailing. But I want you to understand something first. You can't always listen to and believe the shit that people put out there. I'm with _you_. I don't cheat if that's what you're afraid of."

"It's not necessarily that, though I have thought about it."

"Then what?"

"I'm pretty sure you have ninja skills in the bedroom. I've never even done anything. That thing in the kitchen was the most I've ever done."

"Really?" he asked, shocked.

"Why's that so hard to believe? I'm a virgin, not dead from the waist down, you dork," I laughed. "Virgins probably have the dirtiest minds. All sorts of craziness goes on up here," I tapped my temple, "because of the not getting any part. Imagination's outta control sometimes," I giggled. "Anyway, I'm not really opposed to doing… stuff. I just don't want you to be upset, because I don't know what I'm doing. Or for you to get pissy with me, because we have to stop before we go somewhere I'm not ready to venture to."

"Listen, when we get there, we'll have a talk. Plus, we need to discuss protection and shit."

"Oh, well, I'm covered."

"What do you mean?"

"I get the shot."

"The shot?"

"It's a form of birth control. I'm not all there when it comes to remembering to take pills."

"Why are you on birth control?"

"It helps regulate the lady parts and keeps the cramping down."

"Oh," he said, shaking his head.

"You asked," I laughed loudly.

We spent the next hour alternating between making out and talking about nothing serious. In the middle of another one of my rambles, Jackson's face suddenly lit up.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, looking all sorts of confused. "Why is it that you can bring up and have a blatant sex talk with me but talking about your feelings is the end of the world?"

"Statistics say that boys think about sex every four minutes. That means you want it. You want it _all_ the time. It's a necessary discussion. Feelings are... They're more complicated. You can have sex without feelings and feelings without sex, but the latter's the one that's more likely to break your heart."

He seemed to think over what I'd said and then nodded. I couldn't help but be thankful that he understood that I wasn't ready to have my cooter penetrated just yet. The sex talk was outta the way, and I got the added bonus of him letting me know he wasn't a cheater.

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. Jackson and I would spend as much time together as we could considering his schedule. We made out like fucking teenagers whenever we got the chance, and his hands had become permanent fixtures on my ass. I quite enjoyed it.

One Saturday night, when he didn't have anything to do for the movie, we found ourselves in his living room. He was playing his guitar and I was reading fan fiction on his laptop, something I had confessed being addicted to when he found me crying one night while reading. Since then, he had made it a point to make fun of me for getting so involved in the stories.

"What are you reading now?" he asked, strumming his guitar.

As difficult as it was to keep my eyes off of him and on the screen, I managed to do it. Jackson with a guitar in hand was one of many panty-dropping moments.

"_The Woods Are Lovely, Dark And Deep_," I mumbled, biting my thumbnail.

"You're reading Frost?"

"It's the name of a story. Now, shush. Edward's about to leave Bella. This part always makes me wanna eat my heart."

"How many times have you read it?" he chuckled.

"This is probably my sixth or seventh time. She's not done with it, but I go back and reread it all the time."

Silence.

I looked up and saw him on the verge of a hysterical laughing session.

"You better not laugh at me," I warned. "I'll kick your ass. Fan fiction is serious business, buster."

The serious business earned me one of the biggest laughs from Jackson I had ever heard. I set the laptop down on the coffee table and retaliated by throwing my pen at him. He managed to dodge it, though he was still laughing like a psycho. I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed.

"Awww, Baby Girl," he cooed.

"Bite me, Vamp Boy," I grumbled.

He set down his guitar and walked over to me. He attempted a smooch but I moved my head, trying not to smile at how juvenile I was being.

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh?" he said.

"Yep," I declared, still not looking at him and trying to hold in my laughter.

When he didn't respond, I started to worry that he thought I might've been serious. Before I could make sure he knew I was joking, I felt his hands go around my upper arms. I squealed out of surprise and then laughed when I realized that he had moved me so I was straddling him.

"Is this your slick way of making it up to me?" I giggled.

"I've got to try something. I can't have you mad at me, can I?" he smirked.

And then began another make out session.

I had grown pretty fond of grabbing his hair. The fact that he always seemed to moan when I did it let me know that he enjoyed it just as much as I liked feeling it between my fingers. As per usual, I grabbed his hair and kept him from removing his face from mine. I felt as he moved his hands from my back and trailed them down to my ass. I couldn't help but smirk when he squeezed.

"I love that you love it when I do that," he said against my lips.

And then it felt like something in the air changed. It was all sorts of tense and hot, and it made me wanna ravage him. Apparently, he felt it, too, because the intensity of the kissing skyrocketed on both ends. It was a lot like the night in the kitchen. I just couldn't get close enough to him. I knew he felt the same because he moved one hand to the middle of my back and pushed me forward, crushing the twins to his chest. I moved my hands from his hair to his face and just kept fucking kissing the shit out of him. And that's when I felt it.

Little Jackson was making an appearance.

It didn't help that Jackson was only wearing PJ pants or that I was in sweats. It made it that much easier to feel what was going on south of our waists. Knowing that I was the one making him react that way made me kinda lose it. I pretty much let my body take over from there.

I ground myself down into his lap and heard him moan as he kissed me.

"Shit. Baby Girl…" he whisper-moaned.

I did it again. And again. It just felt so fucking good being with him this way. The fact that we were sober was just that much better. But when he placed his hands on my hips and ground me into him as I felt him buck up into me nearly drove me crazy.

I grabbed him by his hair again and tilted his head back, kissing him so hard I thought I would pass out from the lack of oxygen. My hips kept moving, pushing harder onto him and he was down with the encouragement because his hands wouldn't let go of my hips.

I broke away from him so I could breathe, resting my head in the crook of my neck and I kept the motion from down under going. I knew, I just fucking _knew_, that I wanted more from him, but it wasn't like I could come right out and say, "Hey! Do what you need to to make me holler your name, but keep your penis away from my vagina because I'm not ready yet."

I'm sure that woulda killed the mood.

Plus, I knew that he knew I wasn't ready to go there just yet. I trusted him. He said he wouldn't push me and I believed him. I was fucking grateful. So, when his fingers began to make their way to the band on my sweats, I didn't stop him.

"Are you okay?" he panted.

I nodded.

"Do you want to stop?"

I definitely didn't nod.

I leaned back in and kissed him, raising my body just enough that it was hovering over his promise land instead of directly making contact. I could feel his fingers as they hooked into the waist, bringing them down just enough, and then as his right hand slowly moved its way inside.

It was like Whore Moan 2009 at that point.

I kept kissing him as his fingers moved further south. We were both quiet except for the panting and moaning. Before I could do or say anything, his fingers were there. _There_. His hand stopped for a bit and I took the opportunity to lean my head down into the crook of his neck. When he still didn't move, I did the moving for him. My hips dropped a little, causing his finger to just graze my clit. I couldn't help but whimper. It was then I felt his fingers move further down and then back up again. My hips kept moving, rocking front to back, on their own. I was on automatic pilot. It didn't matter, though. Jackson wasn't complaining, and neither was I.

He kept stroking with his right hand for a while as I kept my face buried in his neck. He smelled yummy. He probably tasted yummy, too, so I decided to find out. I began kissing him, moving up and down the side of his neck, though my whimpering and moaning never stopped because his fingers didn't. I couldn't take it anymore, so I let myself taste his skin. I dragged my tongue from his shoulder to where it met his neck and then I let my teeth lightly graze the area. Jackson's hips suddenly jerked upward, hitting his hand, which made his fingers put an obscene amount of pressure on my clit.

"Fuuuuuuuck," I moaned.

I lifted my head just a little so I didn't suffocate myself. My hips were still rocking, and I couldn't have stopped them even if I wanted to. I kissed him so fucking hard that our teeth clanked together. I was about to pull back and apologize but his fingers started moving faster, still sliding up and down. It was then I felt his thumb settle directly over my clit. He pushed down, sending me into a tizzy so badly that I was moaning and whimpering and generally sounding like a porno. He started rubbing it, slowly at first, but then increased the speed. I was still holding on to his face, my forehead against his, though I had my eyes closed tightly. He kept that up for a while before he did what I finally wanted him to. Ever so slowly, I felt one of his fingers push into me.

I could actually hear my vajayjay hit a Mariah Carey high note.

"Jesus. Oh, God," I whimpered.

I guess my religious declaration was all he needed to hear, because he pulled his finger out and then pushed it back in. He did this a couple of times before he added a second finger, his thumb never letting up on the rubbing. My body was still moving, rocking up and down so I was basically riding his digits. His left hand was still holding onto my waist and kept tightening every time I whimpered or made some sort of noise.

"You feel so good," I said into his neck as I kissed it.

"Fuck," was the only thing I heard him say.

My hands made their way onto the top of the couch behind Jackson as I moved my forehead to lie on his shoulder. I used the leverage to move up and down faster. My legs were starting to feel wobbly, and I was panting so hard, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It felt like I was losing control. I was hot, my stomach was tightening, and I was starting to tremble.

"Baby... Fuck, I'm gonna cum," I heaved.

My words came out kinda muffled, so I didn't know if he had heard me. My question was answered when he suddenly shifted, moving his left hand from my waist to hold me from around my lower back. He leaned his forehead against my chest, muffling his own whore-moaning, and began to pump his fingers in and out of me ridiculously fucking fast. I let go of the couch and grabbed his hair, desperate to hold onto something. The next thing I knew, I was shaking all over, mumbling something, and totally flushed.

It took a while, but I finally got my heart to settle down and my breathing was almost back to normal. Because I still had my eyes closed, I could only feel as Jackson moved his hand away from Cooter Town and fix my sweats. When I went to set myself in his lap, Little Jackson was standing at full attention. The fact that he was still hard even though I had my business taken care of made me feel guilty. I opened my eyes and found him staring at me.

"You okay?" he panted.

"Okay doesn't even begin to cover it," I admitted.

I glanced down to his promise land not sure if I was ready to go there. Cock is serious business. I looked up at him, and I guess he could tell what I was thinking.

"I'll be right back," he said, his voice a little strained.

I moved off of him and watched as he got up and kinda waddled to the bedroom where I assumed he was heading into the bathroom. He came out a little while later, lazy smile intact. While I was still riding the high of the orgasm, I felt like a bitch for leaving him to take care of himself. It just didn't seem fair.

He sat down next to me and kissed me, pulling back with a confused look on his face when I didn't really return the kiss.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm a bitch," I mumbled.

"What? Why?"

"I didn't, you know, help you out," I said, gesturing to his crotch. "I'm sporting a goofy grin, and you have to resort to self-love. It's not fair to you."

I heard him sigh and shift, so he was fully facing me.

"If you're not ready, you're not ready," he said, reminding me of our talk from before. "I don't want you thinking that I expect you to reciprocate. That's not what this is about."

I nodded my head and kissed him, hoping he realized that I was beyond thankful that he was such an understanding fucker. An understanding fucker with amazing fingers, by the way.

"Now," he began, "feed my ego. How was that?" he smiled.

"You really _are_ a cocky bastard," I laughed.

"Answer the question, woman."

"It's not like I have anything to compare it to but I'm gonna say that was fucking stellar. There? You happy?" I smiled.

"Quite," he smirked.

Cocky bastard, indeed.

* * *

**_Que pasa, chica?_ – What's up, girl?**

**_Cabron_ – Asshole**

**_Vamonos, mi nina_ – Let's go, my little girl**

**_Uvas_ - Grapes**

**Reviews are like Jackson's fingers: amazing and get the best reaction from me. :P**


	19. If Only You Knew

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / XTIoXm  
**

* * *

"Black."

"Really? Just black? That's your favorite color?"

"Yes. Just black," I laughed. "My turn."

We were probably already on question two thousand, but we hadn't stopped when we reached twenty. Jackson simply kept packing while I watched and cringed. Packing was not a talent of his. Then again, packing isn't just throwing random shit into a duffel bag and calling it a day.

"What did you love most about Midland?"

"I thought you'd been there," he said as he turned to look at me.

"Yeah, but I just went every once in a while to visit family. I didn't have to live there."

"It's home," he shrugged. "I spent a lot of the time wondering why we ended up there after all of the places we had moved to. Now that I look back on it, I miss it. It's where my parents are. It's just home."

"You homesick?" I asked, ducking my head down so I could make eye contact with him.

"I get that way every once in a while, a little more now that Ryann's close to giving birth, but I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm getting the chance to do what I want right now. Plus, with all the work I'm getting, my family doesn't have to worry about money."

I wanted to jump on him and smooch his face until his lips fell off for that little comment. Instead, I got up off the edge of the bed and moved him outta the way, bumping my hip with his so he wasn't anywhere near the duffel. I heard him groan when I dumped everything out.

"You really wanna make me swoon? Lemme pack. You're doing a disservice to the art. _Quitate_."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" I asked, looking up to fake-glare at him. "If you know how to pack correctly, you can get twice as much into your bag than you think. Just sit back and watch the master."

He laid down on the bed and watched me as I rolled his shirts and pants, effectively demonstrating my point. Every once in a while, I'd throw something at him just to break him outta whatever thought he was in.

"Lemme get this schedule thing straight, so I can have some idea of where you'll be and when."

"Go for it."

"You fly out tomorrow. The day after you get to LA, you guys are in meetings for a couple of days. After that, you have the The Teen Choice Awards. Then, you and Jerad are flying to Boston for a few days while the rest of the crew gets mauled at Comic Con. Then you fly to Dallas for the convention. You do your Jasper thing for a few days, and then you fly back to Boston for more movie stuff before you come back here."

"That pretty much sums it up," he chuckled.

"Do you have a Xanax or something?" I half-joked.

"No," he laughed. "You think I should take one?"

"Not for you. For me. Your schedule's depressing the shit outta me," I mumbled.

It got pretty quiet after that. He continued to lie on the bed while I packed his bag. Every once in a while I'd glance over at him, and he'd just be staring at me. I knew what he was thinking, though. It was the same thing I had been dreading.

"Three weeks doesn't seem like a long time," he said, beginning a conversation we had barely gotten into.

"Nope."

"But a lot can happen in three weeks."

"Yep."

"Can I get more than one word answers from you on this?"

"Nope," I giggled. "Are you taking both sets of boots or just the ones you have on?"

"Both. And quit trying to change the subject."

I gripped the shirt I had in my hands and looked up at him. I didn't wanna let him know that I had gotten so attached to him that the idea of not being with him for three weeks made me wanna eat my hair. But he had to work, and I couldn't let my mushiness get in the way of that. As much as I wanted to lock him in a basement somewhere so he couldn't leave, I had to keep things light and goofy so he wouldn't know just how much it was hurting my little _corazon_. I kept what I had to say next as breezy and nonchalant as possible.

"We're not gonna make this dramatic. Yes, we're not going to see each for three weeks, but we're not Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler and the world isn't being threatened by a giant asteroid," I joked. "It's three weeks. Do I wish you didn't have to go be ogled by a bunch of chicks who would willingly jump you? Of course, but that's not gonna do me any good. Does it suck that you're going to be back here when I'm the one who's gonna be on the other side of the country? Like a cheap prostitute. But we have cell phones and the internet and all sorts of other shit. It's three weeks. Besides, you'll have those three weeks to realize just what a pain in the ass I really am, and then you'll be thankful to be rid of me," I laughed.

I waited until he nodded before I reassured him again that I was going to be fine while he was away.

"Now, whose turn is it?" I asked, trying to get back to a lighter subject.

"I don't know. You ask," he chuckled.

"Okay. How long do you think we've been together?" I threw out there.

I kept my eyes on the clothes in front of me and didn't look up. This was something I had been dying to ask him since "The Fight," but it just never came up. Yeah, it was silly to wanna know what he thought, but I was fucking curious as hell.

"What do you mean?"

"During 'The Fight,'" I started, using air quotes and making him laugh, "you said that you had told the guys that I was your girlfriend. How long had you thought that?"

"How long do _you_ think we've been together?"

"No way, buddy. I asked first."

"I asked second," he chuckled.

"Listen, one of us has to be the mature person in this relationship and I don't want it be me. Just answer the damn question, Squirrel Head."

"Well," he sighed. "I guess I would say since the night we watched that movie that made you hysterical at your house. If you weren't as stubborn as you are, I woulda said since the night of the Kings Of Leon concert."

"Oh," I said and then turned to walk into his bathroom.

I grabbed some shit outta his medicine cabinet, trying to take a while so he couldn't see the cheesy-ass grin on my face. I headed over to the shower and snagged all the products that made him look and smell delicious. When I turned around to walk out, I bumped directly into him.

"OK. You really need to stop the stealthy ninja shit. You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days," I laughed.

"How long do you think we've been together?" he asked again as he put his arms around my waist, blocking my path to the door.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I didn't want to make assumptions."

He didn't ask any more info, so I assumed he knew what I was talking about. I reached up and gave him a quick kiss before I walked around him and placed everything on the bed, wondering if there was a Ziploc bag in the vicinity so his clothes wouldn't get drenched in the event that the bottles opened mid-flight. When I couldn't find one, I ended up using a leftover grocery bag. I heard him as he walked outta the bathroom and then watched as he flopped himself back onto the bed.

"We're not really doing karaoke tonight, are we?" I asked, wanting to change the subject entirely.

"We have to. Peter felt left out since he didn't make it last time."

"I'm not singing," I boldly stated.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't si-"

Jackson looked at me, raising an eyebrow and basically daring me to finish that sentence. All I really wanted to do was throw one of his boots at him to get him to leave me alone about it. Instead, I rolled my eyes and rephrased my statement.

"Because I don't want to," I mumbled.

"Well, you'll have to deal with Nikki about that. She's really excited for tonight, and I'm assuming she's going to want everyone to participate."

"Ugh," I groaned, flopping myself onto the bed next to him.

"How about you do it for me?" he laughed.

I turned to look at him and stuck my tongue out. It only made him laugh even more which only made me wanna kiss him. So I did. Next thing I knew, he was on top of me with his tongue down my throat. When we finally pulled apart, he rolled over back to where he was before.

"I'm gonna miss you, you know," I mumbled, staring at the ceiling and giving in to a brief moment of crappiness.

"Same here."

"But like I said, it's three weeks," I said, using a no-nonsense tone I only ever used when I was also trying to convince myself.

"Three weeks," he said, sounding just like I did seconds before.

"Right," I cleared my throat. "Come on. We better get moving if I'm gonna have enough time to make dinner."

We left the hotel about an hour before everybody else, so I could get my Selena on while I made _mole_. I don't know why he did, but Jackson merely stood off to the side and watched me cook.

"You're gonna give me an even bigger complex if you keep staring," I said as I stirred the _mole_ and checking on the _arroz_.

He walked up to me and kissed my temple.

"Just enjoying the view," he mumbled into my neck.

"Alright, alright. You made your point, Flirty McYummy," I giggled.

"Flirty McYummy? Come on," he whined.

"It's better than the alternative."

"Which is?"

"I could be calling you Pookie or Shnookums," I laughed.

"Flirty McYummy it is."

"Besides, that title is _more_ than appropriate," I teased as he leaned me against the counter and kissed me.

"See?" I asked after he pulled away. "Proved my point, sucker."

He pulled himself up on the counter and watched me work. It still made me a little nervous, but I didn't wanna ask him to make himself scarce while I cooked. We had less than a day before he left, and I wanted to spend as much time with him before then. I ended up using him as my guinea pig, testing the _mole_ to make sure it tasted okay to him. As tempted as I was to just try the sauce and circumvent the chicken, I reminded myself that I had a fake chicken salad with my name on it.

Just as I was finishing up, the rest of the crew showed up, Kellan being the first to enter as he had one hand over his eyes and laughing as he declared, "Break it up, you two." Apparently, the possibility of Peter rocking out on karaoke was enough to get Liz, Bryce, and Xavier to join us. It took us some time to get settled in and eat, almost all of us being out of control motherfuckers, but we finished up an hour later.

No sooner had we started clearing the table did the Spanish Inquisition begin.

"Oh, holy Hell! I'm not doing it!" I argued.

Nikki hadn't stop pestering me as we loaded the dishwasher. I was a sure match against her, but then Ashley and Kristen joined in. My force field of total Mexican stubbornness began to crumble.

"You are. Quit bitching," Kristen said, turning and walking away as if the conversation was done and over with.

"Will you help me out here?" I begged Jackson.

He merely put his hands out in front of him, mock surrender and all, and laughed.

"I learned a long time ago that you don't argue with any of them. Life's just easier that way."

"Come on, Iris. I'll even stand off to the side, and you can pretend you're singing to Mike Dexter," Peter laughed.

"Is there any chance that I can get outta this? I'm only thinking of you here. I'm sure the last thing you need is for me to upchuck everything I just ate."

"It won't be as bad as you think," Bryce said, throwing an arm around my shoulder and squeezing.

"Fine," I groaned, rolling my eyes. "But only on one condition. I'm not getting up there by myself. If I'm going to make an ass outta myself, I'm taking at least two of you down with me. We'll shame The Supremes or some shit."

Peter started the night of laughter off with his version of "Baby Got Back," Frank Sinatra-style as he put it, though it was more of a spoken word performance. The man really knew how to slap his own ass to drive the point home. When neither Kellan nor Alex could decide on what song to sing, I suggested a duet. I will never hear "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" the same way ever again. Kellan, however, made a very beautiful Streisand. Had his hair been a little longer, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference, though the horrible singing was a dead giveaway. Neither Kristen nor Rob could be coaxed into singing, but that wasn't anything new so I didn't have high hopes of actually seeing that. Liz, Nikki, and I ended up massacring Moulin Rouge's version of "Lady Marmalade." I got lucky and managed to talk them into just letting me sing backup. If I hadn't been on the verge of blowing chunks, I woulda laughed at just how stupid the whole situation was. Luckily, the crew had allowed us to go last so that I could get used to the idea of singing in front of everyone again.

Despite the murderous rage I felt towards the girls for making me join them on stage, I had a blast. It was just what I needed to get my mind off of the fact that I was going to be Jacksonless for a while. After some of us had a smoke, they all left, Jackson reminding me what time his flight took off so I could be at the hotel before he bounced.

I woke up the next morning and did my best to keep the happy face on as I got ready, drove over, and made my way up in the elevator.

"You look like you're ready to party," Jackson said as he raised his eyebrows at me when he opened the door.

"You're leaving. I get to pretend I'm single and slut it up while you're gone," I laughed. "I could be pregnant the next time I see you."

_Keep it light. Crack jokes. Smile._

"Very funny," he chuckled.

"Are you all leaving at the same time?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't that dangerous? Having all of you in the airport at once? The paps'll go crazy."

"We're not all taking the same flight for that reason."

I nodded my head and pretended to dig for something in the Mariah purse. I didn't look up when I felt him sit down beside me.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," I beamed, still looking through my purse.

"What are you looking for?"

"Honestly? I don't know," I mumbled.

I finally just placed my purse next to me and stopped pretending that I was happy.

"What happened to 'It's just three weeks?'" he asked, knowing the exact reason why I was being a faker.

"That was me lying."

"Why the lie?"

"Because I don't wanna be one of those clingy girlfriends that gets upset every time you leave. You travel. That's part of your job. I just didn't think it'd happen so soon after getting my hooks in you," I lightly laughed. "I'm trying to be cheery and not sulk even though I kinda just wanna climb under the covers, watch _Return To Me_, and eat ice cream until I explode."

"_Return To Me_?"

"David Duchovny, Minnie Driver, heart transplant, Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra on soundtrack. Really good. Big tear-jerker."

He chuckled his chuckle and then took my hand, waiting until I looked him in the eye.

"I was starting to worry a little."

"About what?"

"The fact that you _were_ so cheery. I almost believed that you weren't affected by the whole thing. It made me wonder."

"Go on…"

"I thought that you didn't care."

I knew he was going to continue but stopped when the look on my face - the horrified one that I make when an "Oh shit! I just accidentally walked in on my little brother peeing!" moment happens - made its way to the surface.

"I know _I'm_ gonna miss you."

"I can't believe you really thought that. You should've known better," I said, turning my guilt into a scold. "You know I'm going to miss you. I guess I just didn't want you to know."

"Know what?"

"That I'm pretty fuckin attached to you," I blushed. "I mean, it's only been a couple of months, right? I didn't want you to feel suffocated or crazed having to deal with my selfish idea of locking you in the house so you can't leave. Plus, I don't want you to think that I'm not supportive. This is what you wanna do, and you shouldn't have to worry about how all the traveling and the craziness is affecting me."

"Do you realize how silly you sound?" he laughed as he gripped my hand a little tighter. "You make it sound like being with you is a burden. It's not. I don't like the idea of you pretending to be happy, because you think of yourself as one. You're a crier. If you wanna cry, cry," he laughed.

"I've been crying on the inside. I'm practically made of mold now."

We were interrupted by the ringing of both our phones, my Mariah ringtone drowning out the random techno of his.

_Take your tongues out of each other's mouths and get over here. – Kristen_

I cackled at her message and then let another one loose when Jackson showed me his phone, so I could see that she had sent him the same one. We got up off the couch and stretched.

"We okay now that I've confessed I'm a selfish bitch?" I laughed.

"If you're selfish, then I'm selfish."

With my arms still over my head, he brought me in for a hug. I let out a small laugh but stopped when his grip got tighter. I hugged him back, my arms around his neck. We didn't say anything, but it was pretty apparent what the hug was all about. It was our way of saying that the next three weeks were going to be tough, but we'd get through them.

A small reminder that they stopped filming at the end of October flashed into my head but I placed that fucked up thought on the back burner, not wanting anything else to think about other than trying to get through the following weeks.

"We should get over there before they start thinking the wrong thing," I mumbled into his neck.

He cleared his throat and then pulled away from me. He gave me a quick kiss and then walked us outta his room and over to Kristen's. Rob and Ashley were the only people in her room.

"Where is everyone?" I asked as I walked in.

"Nikki's packing, and I have no idea where anybody else is," Ashley said.

"She's still not done?" I shrieked.

I quickly sent Nikki a text, telling her to bring everything she needed to take with her to Kristen's room. She showed up five minutes later, clothes piled up in her arms and a frustrated look on her face. I took everything away from her and made my way over to Kristen's bed. I broke my speed-packing record and got her taken care of in ten minutes.

Once we headed back into the living room, everyone decided to order some lunch, knowing that airplane food was about as delicious as the shit you got in a high school cafeteria. It finally arrived, and we chowed down. As we ate, I kept glancing at my iPhone, watching as the minutes crept closer to the time they had to go. When a chorus of ringtones and random alarms went off, I knew my time with them was up. I glanced over at Jackson and he gave me a small nod, letting me know I was right. I guess the crew knew that we needed to say goodbye in private because they didn't protest when he and I walked out, dragging our feet to his room.

"Message me when you get to LA, okay? I don't wanna have a LOST moment and wonder if your plane crashed on some island."

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, I know that you're not flying over a body of water, but I still get wigged out. Just… Just message me, so I don't worry," I mumbled, kicking the carpet and not looking at him.

I didn't mean to, but I kinda threw myself at him and gave him a gigantic hug.

_Don't cry. It won't help or change anything._

"I'll see you in three weeks," he said before kissing me.

As much as I wanted to glue his lips to mine, I backed away quickly. There was no point in drawing it out.

"Time to go," I said after clearing my throat.

"Shit! I almost forgot."

He let go of me and walked into the bedroom area. He came back with something blue in his hands. Laughing, he handed it to me.

"Ben saw this and thought we should customize and sell them during the tour," he said rolling his eyes. "I finally talked him out of it, but I wanted you to have it. You can take the message however you want," he smirked.

There, in bright white letters over blue material, were the words "Go Spank Your Monkey" on an oversized t-shirt. I kinda felt like crying and laughing at the same time. I immediately decided to keep with the happiness and do the crying thing after he was gone.

"This looks like something Graupner _would_ want with the band's name on it," I laughed. "It's cute. I didn't realize we'd be doing a gift exchange, though. I woulda bought you a pen... or a hat rack."

I felt like an idiot doing it, but I held the shirt to my chest and took a deep breath to ready myself. I gestured to his duffel and guitar case against the wall by the door.

"Have fun," I said, trying my best to smile. "Kick some serious schedule ass."

He laughed and then smiled at me, grabbing his stuff, before heading to the door. I followed and stood in the doorway as everyone filed out of their rooms and headed toward the elevator. I wished them luck during the The Teen Choice Awards and told them I'd be praying for them during the madness that was Comic Con. Kellan gave me a big hug and told me that his abs would miss me, making me laugh which I'm sure was the point since I had my emo face on. I watched as everyone but Kristen got on the elevator and wondered why she was hanging around. When the elevator finally closed, she turned to me.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I smiled.

"Bullshit. Are you really okay?"

"Enh. I've had better days. I'll get through it, though."

"It doesn't get any easier and you don't get used to it, but it's something you just learn to deal with."

I let out a big sigh and nodded. Though she and I hadn't really done the huggy thing much, I went in for the kill and gave her one. She hugged me back and then made her way to the elevator. She waved before she got in as I continued to stand in the doorway and watch her leave.

The moment I was alone, I walked back into Jackson room and sat back down on the coffee table. As soon as my ass settled down, I started to really cry. It seemed silly and stupid for me to get so worked up over Jackson leaving. I knew that he'd have to leave eventually, his schedule being outta control with his need to work on so much at once, but I didn't think that it would hit me so hard. The past two months had been a giant rollercoaster of laughs and roundhouse kicks to my heart, but we had ended up together in the end. It wasn't always perfect, obviously, but I was more than happy with everything. Him taking off to work was something I thought we would deal with when filming ended. I hadn't really put any serious thought into his obligations with the other movie he was making or the conventions and shit. The fact that I was going to be in New York for a week had barely crossed my mind since I booked the ticket.

I just wasn't ready for the fucking freight train of emotions to hit me the way it did.

Just as I was ready to get my stuff together and leave, Mariah began to sing in my purse.

_Miss you. – J Action_

I fucking laughed like a crazy person for a good minute before I replied.

_Are you sure _you're_ not the one with the vagina? And I miss you, too, Squirrel Head. – Iris_

I couldn't tear myself away from Jackson's room, as silly as it was, and decided to just hang around for a bit. I ended up watching TV and falling asleep, probably from the exhaustion of my crying fit. I woke up a few hours later to a text from Jackson letting me know that they had landed. He called me once he and the crew had gotten settled into their hotel rooms, but we weren't able to talk for long. Since they didn't have much time together, he was meeting up with the rest of the Monkeys to square things away for the convention and SBL concert. I knew that with everything he had going on, there would be little to no chance of us getting to talk to one another. It was something I would have to get used to if I wanted this relationship to work, but it didn't suck any less.

I ended up staying in Jackson's room that night and wearing the shirt he gave me to bed. Sleeping there helped ease some of the heartache and also made me realize that I was probably being as dramatic as one of my Mom's _telenovelas_.

The next morning, I drove home and showered, getting into my emo clothes immediately after. I did what I said I wouldn't and ended up eating ice cream and watching _Return To Me_. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

The days before The Teen Choice Awards, I tried to distract myself by going out and doing some people watching. I ended up at the same park and sitting on the same bench from the day when I spewed my guts to Jackson about my family. Funny thing was that I didn't cringe at the memory. I was more focused on how he'd taken the moment and just let me talk, letting me get all of that shit outta my system. I spent more than a few hours on that bench those days.

Once the day of the awards show hit, I stuck by my computer and watched as the pictures from the red carpet rolled in. Jackson looked fucking adorable as sin, more so when he stood next to Rob and Kellan cuz he looked so tiny compared to the two of them. Even though I knew she couldn't respond, I texted Kristen and told her that I was a fan of the badass outfit. Thinking I'd be cute, I texted everyone and asked one of them to make out with Megan Fox for me. It wasn't until after the show had ended that I got several texts back letting me know I was crazy.

The day after the award show, Jackson flew to Boston while the rest of the crew stayed in LA to attend even more meetings about the movie before heading down to San Diego for Comic Con. I didn't get what they could've talked about so much in those meetings. Edward sparkled, Jacob was 108 degrees, Jackson's wig looked like a dead animal. I basically shrugged my shoulders at the whole ordeal but knew that I wouldn't understand anyway since I wasn't part of that world. I was content enough to just watch the broadcast of the awards show.

Since Jackson had thrown himself head first into his movie in Boston, I spent the following days concentrating on the jizztasticness of Comic Con. I watched the livestream of the New Moon panel and grew to adore The Weitz and the crew even more for what they did. I perused the vids that were being uploaded and the info being given out to find the LOST panel. I tried not to let my inner-LOSTie cry, knowing that there would no longer be a panel after that year, and just enjoy the craziness. If there had ever been a year that I should've attended, it should've been that one.

Suzy called more often than usual during my days of failure to distract myself. I think she thought I was going to jump off the roof or something. I had to remind her that I wasn't a walking Lifetime movie of the week, though. She kept talking about random things, her sure fire way of trying to keep me from thinking about Jackson being gone. We did make definite plans for my visit home, though. We settled on one movie a day, a True Blood marathon, and at least one bar or club trip. I groaned at the last one. As much as I liked to shake my groove thang, I didn't enjoy the club scene much. Dancing in Suzy's apartment after getting good and drunk was always much more fun and gave us more stories to laugh about later.

The days had sort of just started bleeding together at that point. I was starting to get whiplash from the complete chaos of the crew's traveling schedule. I couldn't even imagine what it must've been like for them, but it made things a little easier on me knowing that Jackson was at least in Boston for the time being. I didn't get to talk to Jackson much, but I didn't expect to talk to him at all so I was a happy camper when I got to hear his voice. He didn't offer any info on the shoot, and I didn't ask. He was caught up in it all day, and I wasn't sure if he wanted to discuss it. We mostly talked about nothing, which was really nice, a reminder of how normal things could be between us.

"Anything new?"

"I got seven tattoos and pierced my tongue. Nothing special," I laughed. "I also set the house on fire and am now a witch."

"You're bored, aren't you?" he chuckled.

"Ugh. You have no idea," I groaned. "The days are just sorta creeping by, and I'm losing what little sanity I have left."

"Seriously. What have you been up to?"

"Talking to Suzy a lot. I think she thinks I'm gonna freak out at any moment. I was pretty occupied for a few days with all the Comic Con stuff going on. And then I have the convention thingy in Dallas to look forward to before I leave for New York."

"You're gonna watch the convention?"

"Why wouldn't I? It's how I get to see you," I grumbled.

I heard him let out this giant sigh, one that I took of frustration, before he cleared his throat. I interrupted him before he could even say anything.

"I'm sorry. That was an unintentional guilt trip."

"A week and a half. There's the convention, your trip home, and then it's over."

"This time," I mumbled.

"Hey. You know that I miss you, too, right?"

I wanted to tell him that I knew, but I didn't wanna lie to him. For whatever reason, the separation had started to fuck with my head. The more time I spent away from him, the more shit that started to swirl around up there. I _wanted_ to believe that he missed me, that I was important to him, but as the days went on, the less and less I believed it. It was easier for me to believe that he wanted this "Us" thing when he was around, because I was always getting the reassurance. I had gone from that to starting to wig the fuck out. It was more than entirely possible for him to just come back and give me the "Dear John" speech. I was pretty much expecting it. It didn't matter that I was missing the fuck outta him, because in the grand scheme of things, I knew I wasn't worth the trouble.

"Baby Girl?"

"Hmmm?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Oh. Yeah," I tried saying convincingly.

"Hey. Will you talk to me? What's going on?"

"Nothing," I sighed. "I just miss you."

"There's more to it than that," he said, sounding frustrated.

"Can we talk about it later? It's pretty late where you are, and you should be sleeping."

"I'm actually waiting up for Jerad."

"Oh?"

"Even though we're performing at the convention, it's still not enough rehearsal time for Spencer's show. Since I'm not able to make it to Michigan because of the shoot, we're just gonna do as much as we can over the phone."

"Oh, that sucks. Are they gonna be able to come up after the show? I promised Graupner I'd feed him," I laughed.

"We have some gigs scheduled in Vancouver after the concert, so you'll see them soon."

Jerad walked in a few minutes later, and after a quick hello to him, I hung up with Jackson.

Up until the convention in Dallas, I spent most of my time writing in my notebooks and catching up on fan fiction. The more time I spent away from Jackson, the heavier this feeling in my chest got. I just couldn't believe I missed him so much. I needed a distraction, and the reading and writing were just barely cutting it. The Suzy phone calls were turning into Dr. Phil therapy sessions. I'm surprised her ass hadn't started charging me yet.

I was so confused over everything. On one hand, I honestly started to believe that Jackson was going to take the separation as time to realize that he didn't wanna be with me, that the past two and a half months were a mistake. It was easy enough for him to just look out and see the gaggle of girls that were biting his ankles to be with him. And not just be with him but _be_ with him. I never looked at my proud membership of the Unpenetrated Club to be an issue until we were apart. He could go get his yayas from anything with a set of tits that was willing to spread like peanut butter, because I wasn't giving it up. On the other hand, he had told me that he wanted to be with me. _Me_. He told me his missed _me_ and reassured _me_ that the following week and a half would fly by. I knew that Jackson didn't do anything he didn't want to, and if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't. I tried to let all of that sink in and override the negative crap hanging over me. Still, even with that, the sinking weight in my gut never went away. It was just too easy to miss him.

When the Dallas convention hit, I stayed glued to my computer and let my TwiHard self be free. I laughed hysterically as I watched all of the girlies scream their heads off when Jackson would say anything. It seemed that they were ready to faint at the mere action of his breathing. I couldn't say anything, though. He had that effect on me every single time he looked or touched me. It certainly didn't help that the scruff was out and the hair looked all hobo-like and utterly delicious.

It was absolutely adorable to watch the cast members poke fun at one another, telling stories about the hell they would jokingly put each other through during the shoots. Peter and Kellan were still giant goofballs, kidding around and acting like overgrown boys. I realized just how much I missed them, prank war and all. It also reminded me that I needed to start thinking of shit I could put Kellan through to up the ante when I finally saw him again.

Even though the time I spent without Jackson seemed to go by unbelievably slug-like, I started wigging out when I realized that I had to pack for my trip home. I guess I had brooded so much that it snuck up and bit me in the ass. It actually took a phone call from Suzy reminding me to get my ass in gear and pack. The day I flew out, I drove over to the hotel and left a note with the keys to the Obama car in Jackson's room. I wanted him to have the ability to "make sweet, sweet love to the GPS system" while I was gone. Well, that's what I had put in the note, anyway. I also threw in how much I missed him and to prepare himself for an onslaught of tummy-stuffing upon my return. I didn't include that I probably was going to jump on his back the moment I finally saw him. The element of surprise was always better where that was concerned.

The cab ride to the airport was nerve-wracking. It wasn't just the idea that I was flying, though that terrified the hell outta me enough. It was the idea that I was flying all the way across North America when Jackson was going back to Vancouver in just a couple of days. I tried not to think about it as I boarded the plane. I tried not to think about it as I gripped the armchair for dear life as the plane took off. I tried to remember that as I looked out the window and reminded myself that LOST was a TV show, and we wouldn't crash on an island to fight with Smokey or deal with Sawyer's nicknames.

After what seemed like forever, we finally landed in New York. After we deplaned and I made it through the crowd of crazies and tourists, I scurried over to the taxi line, hopped in, and watched the skyline pass by as I looked out the window and bounced in my seat, eager to get to Suzy's apartment. I texted her to let her know I was on my way as well as texting Jackson, Mel, Meara, Ashley, and Juanita to let them know I was alive. After wading through the shit storm that is NYC traffic, we finally made it through Brooklyn and parked in front of Suzy's building. As I knew she would, she and her roommate, Stephanie, were outside waiting for me, smoking their cloves like the wicked and classy bitches they were.

"If someone doesn't give me a cigarette right now, I'm gonna run across the street to that school's playground and kick a child," I declared as I nearly fell outta the cab.

"I missed your crankiness," Stephanie laughed, grabbing one of my bags and giving me a massive hug. "Here. Have at it."

We stood outside for a while and smoked, quickly glossing over the torment that was my plane ride. We made our way upstairs, and after reacquainting myself with their two cats, we had dinner. Even though I was still on Vancouver time, I was exhausted from the general freak out of having to fly so I ended up passing out on the couch soon after.

The following days were filled with True Blood marathons, Chipotle visits, seeing every movie imaginable in theater, and talking about Jackson so much Stephanie and Suzy were on the verge of tossing my ass out a window.

"Iris, I swear to God, if you say his name one more time, I will stab you with this fork," Suzy glared at me, holding the pointy ends of a fork in my face.

"Alright, alright. Don't get all Hannibal on my ass," I said as I placed my dish in the sink and began walking outta the kitchen.

I grabbed my phone and my cigarettes and made my way to the door to go have a smoke outside. Before Suzy could even lift her ass outta her chair, I yelled.

"Jackson!"

As I quickly open and shut the door, hurrying down the stairs, I heard something hit the door from inside the apartment. I'm pretty sure it was her fork. I was still laughing as I lit up outside and called Jackson.

"What's so funny?" he chuckled.

"Suzy threw a fork at me."

"Any particular reason why?"

"She says I'm talking about you too much."

"I'd throw a fork at you, too," he laughed.

Our conversation took on the normal lighthearted shit it usually had for the past couple of weeks. He was finally back in Vancouver and pretty fucking exhausted after the schedule he kept. To make things worse for him, they had changed to night shoots. He kept yawning as we talked, and I kept trying to tell him to take a nap before he had to go to work. The sexy fucker wouldn't listen to me, though.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he mumbled.

"Suzy wants to go shopping, and then I have a rooftop cookout over at Mel and Jason's."

"The same Mel and Jason who you give topless massages to?"

"You make it sound so dirty," I laughed. "They're some of my closest friends, and the massages are just back massages."

"I don't know how I feel about you touching another man's bare back."

"Why, Mr. Rathbone, are you - I don't know - jealous?" I teased.

"Well, you never gave me a back rub."

"I didn't know you wanted one."

"I didn't realize I had to ask."

"Alright. You got me there," I laughed. "I promise to wait on you hand and foot when I get back. Dinner and massages, okay? I'll even brush the dead squirrel if you bring it back from the set," I giggled. "You do realize that I just set the women's movement back by fifty years, right?"

"Yes, I did. And no to the dead squirrel. This is about me, not you having personal time with that itchy piece of shit."

In the middle of my cackle, I managed to hear the front door to the building open. I turned and found Suzy with a fork in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

"Uh, Suzy's here. With a fork. I may not survive."

"Hi, Jackson. I'm on the verge of killing your girlfriend, because she won't shut up about you," Suzy said, leaning into my phone.

"Tell her I said hi and that I'd like to have you back in one piece, please," he laughed.

"He says you can go to Hell and that he never really liked you anyway," I lied, trying to keep a straight face.

Suzy raised her fork at me before I reminded her that we were on a public Brooklyn sidewalk, and she probably looked crazy to anybody walking by. She slowly slid the fork into her back pocket and tried to ignore the rest of my conversation with Jackson.

"Did I tell you that I'll be going home to New Mexico in October for a bit?"

"What for?" he asked.

"Stupid high school reunion. Life was fine and dandy until I got that fucking email reminder. Why not just post a neon sign above my head that blinks 'Old As Shit?'"

"How long will you be gone for?" he laughed.

"I don't know. I haven't booked the flight home or anything yet. The email said that most of the craziness will take place over three days, but I might stay a couple of extra days to spend with the parental units. Two days is about as long as we can go before the _carne asada_ starts to fly."

"That means we have to get you a dress," Suzy interrupted.

"Veto, bitch. I'm not wearing a dress to my reunion. They'll be lucky if I get outta my PJs for that shit."

"You should go back there and flaunt. They didn't take the time to get to know you then. Make 'em wanna get to know you now. Revenge is amazing," she said.

"I actually like the idea of a dress," Jackson threw in.

"You do?"

"Think about it. You can bring it home and model it for me," he chuckled.

"No sexy talk from you until I get back there, buster," I replied, lowering my voice so Suzy couldn't hear me.

"What'd he say?" she asked, eyeing me.

"He said you have horrible taste in clothing, and I should take the nearest homeless person with me instead."

When she drew the fork back out of her pocket, I told Jackson I would call him the next day. He was still laughing when I hung up.

The next day, Suzy and I took the subway into the city and ended up at Herald's Square. We made our way through Old Navy and GAP before we settled on H&M. Walking through the crowds of teeny boppers made me debate whether I shoulda just taken the hour long train ride into Long Island to the nearest Walmart. I was on the verge of fleeing the scene when Suzy started picking out the most skankalicious dresses as contenders for my reunion outfit. We finally compromised on a simple black above-the-knee piece. It was short enough to make her happy, and it wasn't caked in flower designs or overly girly so it made me happy.

After the shopping, Suzy and I parted ways. hopped on the 2 train to the downtown area. I ended up getting off at the Park Place stop so I could walk through City Hall Park. The fountain was working and there were gaggles of people eating their late lunches while tourists were hanging around and snapping pics of City Hall and the entrance to the Brooklyn Bridge. I couldn't help but smile.

I walked down Fulton Street and made my way into Mel and Jason's apartment building. They knew that I would be over some time during the afternoon, but I hadn't messaged them as to precisely when. I wanted to surprise them, hoping they'd stay in a good mood and not yell at me for not keeping in contact with them more when I was in Vancouver. My plan was shit outta luck when Salena opened the door instead.

"Where the fuck have you been?" she said before she gave me a hug.

"You know. Around," I laughed.

I made my way in and squeed as I hugged Mel and Jason. Meg was there, too, adding to the scolding I was getting from Sal for not calling more often.

"I thought you dropped off the face of the Earth," she glared at me.

"Sorry. I got caught up in the Vancouver bubble."

"So, what's been going on with you these past few months?" Sal asked.

"Don't you know? She's dating a movie star," Jason teasingly laughed.

I groaned and rolled my eyes, sitting myself down on the kiddie furniture they proudly displayed in the living room area. Over the next hour, I gave them the ins and outs of the deal with the cast and what happened between Jackson and I, keeping out the details of just how far he and I had gotten with the touchy feeliness with the exception of the kitchen incident. They all listened quietly, scaring the fuck outta me because they were some of the most vocal people I had ever known, and then sat back into their chairs when I finished.

"Jesus. This doesn't call for a cigarette. This calls for some serious weed," Sal mumbled.

"While this apartment may not have an island, it does have a countertop so we should probably keep Iris away from it if we do smoke up," Meg joked.

"Ha fucking ha," was my great comeback.

The rest of our crew arrived a few minutes after we smoked our cigs. We then made our way to the roof. For the next few hours, we braved the August heat and humidity as we drank and managed to feed ourselves from the tiniest portable grill known to man. Nobody brought up my new group of friends or Jackson while we partied, making me ever grateful that none of my close friends gave a shit about the whole celebrity aspect of Hollywood. They didn't give a shit whether Jackson was a movie star or a baker at the local grocery store as long as he made me happy. According to them, the twitter-pated face I had as I told my story led them to believe I was.

When it started getting dark, we packed up our shit, taking us forever since we were pretty drunk, and made our way back downstairs to Mel and Jason's apartment. After hugs and goodbyes, the only ones left were Mel, Jason, Sal and I. We spent a good amount of time huddled together, sitting in chairs that could barely fit a four year old, smoking through the large sliding glass door in the living room and laughing as we recounted our stupid antics of the last summer.

"I have an idea," Sal said, jumping out of her chair.

"There's a first time for everything," Jason and I said at the same time, making us break out into hysterical laughter.

"Eat me, you two. Just for that, I'm not holding back."

"With what?" Mel asked.

"Iris is about to get sex interrogated."

"Aw, come on! I take it back. I'll even promise to stop with the sarcasm for a month after I come back home if you don't put me through this."

"Nope. We're doing this."

Sal walked into the kitchen and made a shitload of noise as I begged Mel and Jason to get me outta what was about to go down.

"You know she's not gonna let you leave until it's over. Might as well just do it," Jason advised.

"Besides, I'm curious," Mel laughed.

"Alright. Take a seat, and we'll get this shit done and over with," Sal yelled from the kitchen.

She came back with another round of beers for everyone. I drank mine really fucking slow, hoping that she would just forget the whole thing. Sal, however, did and said what she wanted and never lets up. Once we were all done, Sal and I positioned our chairs so we were sitting directly across from one another. I jokingly cracked my neck and my knuckles, loosening myself up and preparing for the barrage of inappropriate questions that only Salena could throw out. She cleared her throat and leaned in, placing her forearms on her knees. Just to be a smartass, I did the same.

"Don't hold back any answers, because we all know that you can't lie anyways," she began.

"Roger that, Mistress Of Pain."

I gave her an over exaggerated salute and went back to mirroring her position. We both had our serious game faces on, but I didn't know how long I would last without bursting into a fit of hysterical cackles.

"Ok," she began. "Have you fucked him?"

"No."

"Blown him?"

"No."

"Has he eaten you out?"

"No."

"Has he fingered you?"

"Yes."

Her eyebrows quickly shot up before she regained her serious face and continued.

"Did you cum?"

"Yes."

I heard Jason groan from behind me. Though we were all used to Sal and her ability to just say whatever the fuck was on her mind, I had never been the victim of one of her sex interrogations. It must've been weird for them to hear about me getting down and dirty, the cloak of sweet and innocent virgin no longer appropriate.

"Have you touched his dick?"

"No."

"Has he felt the twins?"

"No."

"Has he even seen you topless?"

"No."

"Do you love him?"

_Uh…_

I slowly sat back up into my kiddie chair and stared at her, trying to remember how to breathe. I saw her smirk and then lick her lips, and I knew I was fucked. She detected hesitation, and she was about to fucking pounce on my ass.

"Answer the question."

"I, uh, I can't answer that," I stammered.

"You either do or you don't. Answer it," she snickered.

"I… I don't know?"

"What do you mean you don't know? Who are we supposed to ask then? It's pretty fucking simple, Iris. Do you love him?"

"I don't know. I think so?"

Sal dropped the interrogation vibe and tilted her head at me.

"Hon, do you love him?"

When I couldn't come up with a definite answer, the interrogation basically ended. Sal's question was so out of left field, I wasn't ready for it. Mel and Jason talked to me about it, trying to get me to figure out what it was I was actually feeling, but I ended up more confused than anything else.

After another cigarette, I left Mel's apartment, promising that I would see them again before I went back to Vancouver. I hopped on the train, threw on my iPod, and thought about the answer I couldn't come up with. It stayed with me as I transferred at Atlantic to catch the D train. It stayed with me as I got off at Suzy's stop. It stayed with me as I passed the groups of Hasidic Jews and gang members that somehow seemed to live together on that block. I texted Suzy once I got to the front of her building and waited until she buzzed me in.

"What's wrong?" she immediately asked when she opened the door to her apartment.

"I think I love Jackson."

"So why do you look like you're about to collapse from confusion?"

"What's going on?" I heard Stephanie ask from inside the apartment.

I stepped inside and walked into the kitchen. I set my purse down on the table and took a deep breath.

"It's too soon."

"What do you mean?"

"It's only been a few months. I… There's no way I can love him already."

"What? There's a time limit on that sort of thing?" Suzy asked, taking a seat across the table from me and staring for a bit. "I don't think that's what's really scaring you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're freaked, because you think he won't love you back."

She raised one of her fucking eyebrows at me, the one of judgment, and I faceplanted onto the table.

"It's both," I mumbled before raising my head again. "Let's analyze this shit, shall we? He and I have only been together for a few months."

"Yes, but you've spent almost all of your time together. With the exception of these past few weeks, you guys have been in your own bubble. It's been almost three months, Iris. People have fallen in love in less time than that."

Stephanie walked over and handed each of us a drink of what I assumed to be ice water before she sat at the table with us. I took one sip and almost spit it all over them as soon as I realized it was straight up vodka.

"What? Is this not a vodka moment?" she laughed, breaking the serious up for a bit.

"I'm really surprised," Suzy said.

"At what?"

"That it's taken you this long to realize how you feel about him. You are the most emotional person I've ever met. You think with your heart. You always have. With Jackson, though, you've been kinda reserved."

"I'm scared," I shrugged. "Is that a shocker?"

"No, I guess not. But now that you realize it, what are you going to do?"

"I'm not saying anything to him. There's no way he could _ever_ feel that for me. I'm just still getting used to the fact that we're even together."

"You're _really_ not gonna tell him?" Stephanie asked. "You're the I love you person. You're so mushy and emotional, it makes me sick sometimes."

"I love you, too, bitch," I laughed. "And I'm not gonna say anything. Maybe I don't really love him. It could just be me missing him so much. I just know that there's this weight on my chest and this pain in my tummy when I think about not being with him. That's not necessarily love, right?"

Rather than get an answer, Suzy and Stephanie just looked at each other and walked outta the kitchen and into their rooms. I fell asleep that night wondering if what I was feeling for Jackson was actually love.

The next day, I was woken up to a loud ass banging on the door. The doors to Suzy and Stephanie's rooms were still shut so I meandered my half-asleep ass to the door. I let out a giant, horror movie scream at what was on the other side.

"If I got a reaction like that every time I showed up at someone's door, I'd never leave the house."

"Monkey, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn't come into the city this week because of work," I said as I hugged the fuck outta her.

"I lied," she simply stated. "I figured you'd need an ally for what Suzy has in store for you today."

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I closed the door and made our way into the living room to sit on the couch. "We don't have anything planned today."

"I guess she wanted me to be the one to break it to you."

"Why do I feel like I'm about to be shot execution style?"

"You kinda are. She wants to take you to Victoria's Secret for some skimpy underwear shopping. She said it's a rite of passage now that you have a boyfriend, who will more than likely 'become acquainted with your lady bits,'" she air quoted.

I immediately jumped up from the couch and barreled my way into Suzy's room, flinging myself onto her bed and quite possibly crushing her.

"What the fuck are you thinking?"

"I take it Rita's here?" she asked, groggy as I had totally woken her up.

"How else would I find out that I'm supposed to be dragged to an overly priced lingerie store? Apparently, you weren't going to tell me until we were outside the damn building."

I moved off of her completely but situated myself, so I was still sitting on the bed. Monkey came in, waved, and then sat in Suzy's computer chair.

"Listen," Suzy began as she sat up. "I know how important being with Jackson is to you. I also know how important _being_ with Jackson is to you. I would fail in my best friend duties if any of that went down with your Fruit of the Loom cotton undies and generically white bras."

"It's not like we have a date jotted down in some appointment book to get our nasty on, Suz. It'll happen when it happens."

"But don't you want to be prepared for when it does?"

"What the hell does my underwear have to do with any of that? It's not like I'm going to take my clothes off and he'll say, 'Oh no, Baby Girl. Cotton bikinis just won't do. We're not doing this until your undergarments resemble that of a streetwalker,'" I horribly imitated.

"It's not about dressing like a hooker, Iris," Monkey suddenly chimed in. "I think Suzy just wants you to feel confident in yourself when it does happen. She mentioned something about power panties when she called me about this."

"That's right. Besides, you don't have to get anything extravagant. Maybe some cute boy shorts and fancier bras. That's it. I'm not asking you to get garters or a corset or anything."

I groaned and then flopped face first onto the comforter. I felt Suzy pet my head as she told me that everything would be okay. After I finally mumbled an agreement, Suzy hopped in the shower as I made breakfast. When everyone was showered and dressed, we jumped on the train and found ourselves downtown. No sooner had we gotten to the front door of the store did my cell go off.

_Enter that store without me and I'll have you deported. – J_

I looked around and found Juanita's smiling face running towards me. She practically jumped on me, giving me a hug that would crush a bear.

"You're in on this, too?" I groaned.

"With work and going to New Jersey, this is the only time I'll be able to spend with you. Now, _muevate_. I may have talked my boss into letting me have an extra hour for lunch, but I don't wanna waste any time."

The next hour wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I actually got into the shopping. I did, however, have to hold Juanita back from selecting some of the mos skankalicious underwear I'd ever seen. She mumbled something about being sheltered by the prudeness of Walmart as she continued to pick out stuff. Thank God for Monkey, though. With her there, it was she and I against Suzy and Juanita. It was two versus two, and we somehow managed to compromise and not end up killing one another. I made it out alive, the new owner of seven cute-yet-not-skanky bras and a bag full of underwear, mostly boy shorts that I was convinced would have my ass hanging out of. I even bought this cute top that Suzy approved of for our outing the following night, adding that I could use it as a top if Jackson and I ever stopped being homebodies and decided to go out.

Though Monkey had made it into the city to help me with the underwear ordeal, she had to leave directly after since she had work that night. She and Suzy took off on the train so that Juanita and I could get some lunch together. We walked to the nearby Burger King, her craving a Whopper and me thankful that they at least had a veggie burger combo. As we sat and ate our food, she told me all about how she thought her house was haunted and how her mom was driving her crazy to get married and pregnant. We laughed, and I gave advice as we stuffed ourselves with fries.

"_Como va todo con el novio_?"

"I think I'm in love with him," I mumbled and then took a huge bite outta my veggie burger.

"I know that. How's it going, though?"

I stopped chewing and looked her directly in the eyes.

"What?"

"What do you mean you know?" I managed to get out after I swallowed.

"That you love him? It's not like it's a secret. It's written all over your face right now, and I can hear it in your voice when we talk on the phone."

"You think so?"

"Are _you_ not sure?"

"I hadn't thought about it until last night when Sal interrogated me. You don't think it's too soon?"

"_Mija_, you two have been together for a while now. Despite the little tiffs you two have over your self-esteem shit, you're happy. I haven't seen you this happy since Mariah released her last album," she laughed. "I know you and you're probably freaking out over the idea, because you're scared that he won't feel the same. But you can't help what you feel. You love him. I know it, Suzy knows it, Monkey knows it. I actually think it's hilarious that you're the last one who knows."

We finished the rest of our food in silence and then walked out. Juanita talked about the crap she was dealing with at work, though I wasn't really paying attention since I was thinking about the idea of being in love with Jackson. Then, like the stench of piss lingering in a subway station, it hit me.

_I love Jackson._

"I love Jackson."

Juanita smiled her smile and then smacked me on the arm.

"It's about time," she giggled.

Once we got to the front of her office building, she made me promise I would call her and keep her updated on what was going on. She told me to have fun clubbing and was sorry that she couldn't make it but her mother threatened to set her up on a blind date if she tried to back out of the New Jersey trip to her cousin's house. I thanked her for the talk and watched as she flashed her ID to the security guard as she walked into her building.

For the rest of the day, Suzy and I planted our asses on her couch and watched some movies on HBO On Demand. Even though I had told her about my little revelation while talking with Juanita, she didn't push me to talk about the subject. She knew that I needed time to sort everything out in my head.

The next day was lazy as fuck. Suzy sat with me as we watched the livestream for the SBL concert. It was nice to see the boys doing something good for Spencer and the cause, as well as enjoying the fuck outta themselves on stage. To the audience's complete surprise, Jerad called Jackson while on stage. I didn't know the call was going to go down either, so I managed to almost break Suzy's eardrums when I squeed out of excitement. As soon as the phone call was done, I sent Jackson a smiley face text. When he returned it with a smiley face of his own, I did that puppy love sigh and giggled.

After the concert was over, Suzy and I started getting ready to go out. I thought about the fact that I hadn't actually spoken to Jackson in a few days, and while I wanted nothing more than to talk with him until I was blue in the face, I was somewhat relieved since I was a little scared of how I would act while speaking with him. Call it silly, but I was worried he could tell that I was in love with him just from the sound of my voice. I did miss his voice, though. It always gave me the tinglies despite how silly we often were on the phone.

It was close to midnight by the time we made it to the city. Instead of an actual club, though, we ended up at a bar on 42nd. It was one we had gone to many times before since a friend of ours tended bar and we often scored our drinks for free. After half an hour of making our way through the crowd and looking for Joey, our bartending dude friend, we finally spotted him.

"Holy fuck! Where have you two bitches been hiding?" he asked as he kissed both our cheeks.

"Nice to see you, too, Joey."

We made as much small talk as we could with the loud music and the crowded bar. Ever the awesome friend, Joey told us our drinks were on him for the night. I don't know if he knew what he was in for when he made that statement, because two hours later, I was trashed. I had no idea how many drinks I had, but I knew that Suzy wasn't anywhere near as drunk as I was, if at all. I just kept slamming them back and then dragging her ass out to the dance floor. Joey managed to get out from behind the bar a couple of times to join us.

"I need to pee," I slurred.

"You want me to go with you?" Suzy asked as she continued to dance with Joey.

"No. I'm a big girl. I can pee on my own," I giggled.

I somehow managed to make it to the bathroom without falling on my face, did my business, washed up, and then headed back out to the dance floor. When I didn't spot Suzy, I headed outside, thinking she and Joey might've wanted a cig. When I didn't find them, I pulled out my phone to send them each a text. It was then I noticed I had a couple of missed calls from my parents, a text from Nikki, and a text from Jackson. I decided to call my parents the next day, not wanting to hear about how irresponsible it was to be drunk and blah blah blah. I texted Nikki that everything in New York was cool and that I missed her. Rather than text Jackson back, my drunk ass decided to call him.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Sex Pants," I slurred, hoisting myself up onto some concrete thing about a hundred feet away from the entrance to the bar. "Whatcha doin? Shit! Did I wake you up? Are you at work? Do you need me to let you go?"

"Baby Girl, it's Saturday. I'm not working today. Are you drunk?"

"No. Yes," I giggled. "I've had a lot to drink."

"Where's Suzy?"

"Hell if I know. I had to pee, and then she went bye bye. I'm sure she's around."

I somehow managed to reach back into my purse and pull a cigarette and a lighter out.

"Are you okay? Should I call her to have her find you?"

"I'm _good_. I'm just sitting on something tall and smoking a cigarette. I texted her to let her know I was outside, so she'll find me soon enough."

"Having a good time?"

"Yep. My feet are killing me though. Suzy made me dress up, and I'm in heels."

"What else are you wearing?"

"My, my. Are you trying to get fresh with me?" I giggled.

"Gimme a visual, Baby Girl. I haven't seen you in almost three weeks."

"You're naughty," I slurred. "Well, I am in a pair of strappy heels that Suzy let me borrow, black skinny jeans, and this lace, corset top thingy I bought at Victoria's Secret."

"You went to Victoria's Secret?"

"You betcha! I got all sorts of cute little under things," I snickered.

"You need to get your ass on a plane back here now," he groaned.

"Is that your way of telling me you miss me?"

"That's my way of telling you that I miss you and that you _will_ be modeling for me when you get back."

"Hey! What'd I say about the sexy talk? It's no fair when I'm here and you're there, and we can do nothing about it."

"How much longer until you're back?"

"A couple of days or so? I don't know. I can't do math right now."

I finished my cigarette and reached into my bag to get another when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay? Who you talking to?"

"I'm on the phone with Jackson. He's saying dirty things to me," I giggled.

"Too much information, Iris," she informed me as she rolled her eyes. "You ready to go home?"

"I guess," I huffed.

"Tell Jackson you gotta go, and then we'll go get a cab."

"Did you hear that, babe?"

"I heard. Message me when you get back to Suzy's place, so I know you're safe."

"You got it, Sex Pants," I said as I hopped down from what I realized to be a potted plant. "Did I tell you I miss you?"

"Yes, but it's always good to hear again," he laughed.

"Well, I miss you. A lot. And I do mean a lot. A lot as in you better prepare yourself from serious humping action when I get back."

"Oh, you're so drunk," he chuckled. "And I miss you, too. Can I talk to Suzy real quick?"

I handed the phone to Suzy and then began stumbling my way to end of the block where the cabs were parked. She caught up with me, and after saying goodbye to Joey, we climbed into one and headed home.

"I love him," I sighed as I placed my head on Suzy's shoulder.

Suzy laughed at me and then patted my head.

"I should've told him."

"Not in the state you're in. You woulda regretted it in the morning. Save it for when you see him again."

"Okay," I mumbled as I started to fall asleep.

I was later woken up by Suzy, and I realized that we had finally made it to her place. I climbed out and dragged my ass up the three flights of stairs, waited for her to open the door, and then lovingly embraced the couch. I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. My eyes were dry, and I realized I had fallen asleep with my contacts in. I groaned as I got off the couch and made my way to the bathroom to take them out. When I realized that I hadn't even changed before I passed out, I put my glasses on before I went and changed into my comfy sweats and the shirt that Jackson gave me. I ended up falling back asleep and was woken up again when I heard the doorbell ring and footsteps going through the living room.

"I got us some greasy food to help with the hangover," Suzy mumbled as she sat down next to me on the couch with breakfast. "How you feeling?"

"Like a dumpster was dropped on me."

We ate our breakfast in silence and then downed a bunch of ibuprofen before we settled on the couch to not pay attention to what was on the TV. Some time during whatever was on, it hit me that I had talked to Jackson the night before. Being one of those drunks who manages to remember everything, I facepalmed and then grabbed my phone. I had a couple of texts from him asking if I made it home okay. I texted him back, apologizing for not messaging him like I said I would but explained that I passed out.

The rest of the day was torturous as I waited for my hangover to go away. Luckily, the day went by pretty quickly. I managed to get my ass outta Suzy's apartment and to mine. I texted Suzy to let her know I would probably be there for a bit. As soon as my key went into the front door's lock, I heard the landlord's dog bark. By the time I started walking up the stairs, I could hear Meara's dog, Bastian, bark. I didn't expect anybody to be home so I was pretty fucking surprised to find Meara and her boyfriend, Matt, lounging in the living room. I spent a couple of hours with them, just talking about random things. Before I left, the three of us and Bastian went outside onto the terrace so I could have a smoke.

"Do you know when you're coming back home yet?" Meara asked.

"I'm not too sure. I didn't expect to be out there this long. Is everything okay with the subletter?"

"She's fine. Keeps to herself mostly. I just wanna make sure she has enough time to find a new place before you come back."

_I didn't even think about the fact that I have to eventually come back._

"Don't worry about that. I'll let you know as soon as I know. I don't want her scrambling to find a new place, either. It wouldn't be fair to her."

"So, everything's going okay out there?" Matt asked.

"It's good," I smiled. "They're all troublemakers and keep me on my toes, but I'm having fun."

"And Jackson?" Meara asked, slightly teasing.

"He's good. We're good."

"Then that's all that matters," Matt answered.

I hugged them both before I left and cradled Bastian in my arms for almost ten minutes before Meara took him away from me. I headed back out to the train and made my way back to Suzy's. I called Jackson before bed and apologized for being a lush, him laughing at me as he reminded me what a dork I had been. I let him poke his fun at me for about fifteen minutes before we hung up.

The next day, Suzy joined me as I made my way to the clinic so I could get my birth control shot. After that was done, we headed out to watch another movie and then went back to her apartment. Since she and I were scheduled to fly back to Vancouver on a midnight flight on Tuesday/Wednesday, I spent most of Monday night packing and finally calling my parents.

Tuesday morning, I met Ashley for breakfast. She yelled at me as she ate her egg and cheese sandwich about not letting her in on the Kings Of Leon thing. After she had gotten that outta her system, I gave her the same report I had given everyone else. After that, I spent some time in Union Square just walking around and thinking about Jackson. After I fielded the crazies and managed to not get pick-pocketed, I hopped on a train to meet Mel and the gang in Bryant Park for lunch. We exchanged our Saturday night stories, laughing at one another for the ridiculous shit we got ourselves into. After we were done and I promised to stay in contact more often, I made my way downtown and surprised Juanita at her office. I didn't stay long, but I at least wanted to see her one more time before we left.

By the time I made it back to Suzy's, all of our shit was packed and she had made an early dinner. Stephanie joined us mid-meal and we all sat around for a bit just talking. Around 9pm, Suz and I gathered our bags and waited outside for the car service that was taking us to the airport. I messaged everyone to let them know I was leaving and sent a quick text to the Vancouver crew that I would be back in a few hours. Again, Jackson wanted me to message him when I landed.

The flight wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. To be honest, I hadn't paid much attention to my fear since all I could think about was the fact that, after three weeks, I was finally going to see him again. I was going back and forth from being elated to scared shitless with the knowledge that I loved him. I wanted to tell him, but I didn't know how he'd react. I still thought it was too soon and I worried that he'd freak out. If I thought I had been mind-fucked with the idea that he would break up with me before, I was unbelievably wrong. I always had that fear that he'd come to his senses and end it with me, but loving him _and_ having him leave me wasn't something I thought I could handle.

_I just need to see him. Everything'll be okay once I see him._

Suzy noticed how quiet I had been, probably expecting me to start praying to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph non-stop from the moment the plane took off, and I told her what I was thinking and freaking out about. She talked me down from the ledge and promised me that things would work out, stating that everything happened for a reason.

By the time we landed and were in a cab to get to the house, I put all of the fears and bullshit behind me, excited to just be back and know that I would get to see him the next day. I decided against texting him, knowing that he would probably be asleep since they were still in the middle of night shoots and he was probably still at work or just getting back to the hotel.

It took us longer than usual to get to the house, but, once we arrived, we grabbed our things and Suzy laughed at me as I kissed and hugged the front door. I had never been so homesick for a place that wasn't home before, and I knew it had to do with Jackson and the crew.

We made our way upstairs and began unpacking. Suzy and I yelled back and forth to one another since we were in separate rooms. Despite the fact that we had just taken an eight hour flight, were screwing our internal clocks with the time change, and it was almost eight in the morning, she and I were both keyed up. Suzy said she needed to call her parents to let them know that we had landed safely, so I made us a light breakfast while she was on the phone. She came back with a smile on her face and sat herself down on the island. We lazily ate and talked until we were interrupted by the ringing of her phone.

"Hello? Okay. Thanks."

She closed her phone, grabbed my purse from the couch, and handed it to me.

"There's a cab waiting outside for you."

"What? Why?"

"Don't give me that," she laughed. "You haven't seen him in three weeks. I know you wanna head over there. Go."

I took my bag from her hand and walked to the front door. I turned around to look at Suzy, wondering how she always knew what that fuck I was thinking or what it was I needed.

"You sure?"

"Get the fuck outta here, Iris," she laughed, throwing a dishtowel at me.

I sped out the door, down the porch steps, and climbed into the waiting cab. I asked the driver to drive as fast as he could without attracting the popo and getting us pulled over. I had my eye on the prize, and I hoped that he was at the hotel.

I couldn't help but smile and squee a little as the cab pulled into the back parking lot and dropped me off. I paid him, greeted the security guard who had come to know me by my first name, and walked as quickly as I could to the back doors. I hurried in and tapped my fingers against the frame of the elevator as I waited for it to open. My stomach was receiving the ass-kicking of both emotions, fear and excitement.

When the elevator finally arrived at his floor, the nerves started going into overdrive. I took a deep breath and reached into my purse, grabbing my wallet to pull out his room key. As quietly as I could, I slipped the key into the slot, watched for the green light to flash, and turned the handle. Except for a small light coming in from the bedroom window, the entire room was dark. I quietly shut the door and placed my bag on the floor next to it. I took off my shoes, not wanting to wake him if he was in the room, and slowly tip-toed into the bedroom area.

The small amount of light streaming in from the partially opened curtains let me see that Jackson was fully-clothed and completely passed the fuck out on his bed over the covers. He was sleeping on his side, looking so fucking peaceful. I noticed that he was gripping his cell phone in his hand, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep waiting for me to call.

I walked over to the side of the bed and realized that I didn't know what to do next. It would've been pretty fucking creepy to just slip in, see that he was asleep, and then slip back out. I didn't wanna wake him, knowing that they were shooting at night and he needed to rest. I remembered, though, that I hadn't spent any time with him in three weeks and the idea of leaving him, waiting another day to see him, gave me the worst ache in my chest.

I slowly climbed onto the bed, doing everything I fucking could to be quiet and not move it too much. I managed to lie on my side, facing him, without waking him up. I watched him sleep for a few seconds, like the creeper I feared I would become where he was concerned. In addition to looking so peaceful, he was, if possible, even more gorgeous than I remembered from the last time I saw him in person. I shifted my body and remembered that he was holding on to his cell phone. As smoothly as I could, I pried it from his hand and rolled over to place it on the nightstand behind me. I must've hit some button, because the display screen lit up. Before I had the chance to cover the light with my other hand, freaking out that it would be bright enough to wake him, I noticed the picture he had as his background. It was one of the pictures Nikki had taken of us when he and I were hysterically laughing on the floor of the house after we bumped into each other while sliding. I smiled at the idea of him possibly missing me just as much as I missed him that he would change his background to a picture of us. After I was done ogling, I rolled back to face him and held my breath as I watched him begin to stir. His eyelids fluttered for a bit before they finally opened, his eyes slowly focusing on me.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hi," he said, his voice thick from sleep.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," I continued to whisper though I had no real reason to.

"It's okay. I was waiting for you to call anyway."

I didn't know what to say or do so I ended up just staring at him. It was then that it hit me just how much I had missed him. Every moment of the past three weeks without him began to weigh on my chest, and like a giant ass baby, I felt my eyes begin to water.

"I really missed you," I managed to say as I cried.

His eyes did this little dance thing as they searched my face. Then, I felt his hand land on my hip and move slowly to my back, pushing me closer to him. He didn't say anything as I leaned forward and kissed him, taking my sweet time and letting the kiss go on for a bit. I pulled back and sniffled, wiping my cheeks with my hand. I cleared my throat, feeling silly for crying, and shifted down on the bed so that I could place my forehead against his chest. I felt as his chin settled on the top of my head and heard him make a sound that resembled a hum. I nuzzled my face closer to him and let out this huge exhale, feeling content and just fucking _whole_ now that I was finally with him.

It was with his arm around my waist and my hand gripping the front of his shirt that we fell asleep together.

* * *

_**Quitate - Get out of the way**_

_**Corazon - Heart**_

_**Mole - Spicy, chocolatey sauce**_

_**Arroz - Rice**_

_**Telenovelas - Soap operas**_

_**Ijole - Exasperated "Oh my God"**_

_**Carne asada - Marinated, thin cuts of beef**_

_**Muevate - Move**_

_**Como va todo con el novio? - How's everything going with the boyfriend?**_

_**Mija - My daughter**_

**Reviews are like missing Jackson: I get all the emotional feels.**_**  
**_


	20. I Want To Know What Love Is

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / bjbReO  
**

* * *

"Put the fucking hose down, you bitch," I yelled.

"Fuck you! You did this to yourself."

"And how the fuck do you figure that _you_ pointing the hose at _me_ is _my_ fault?"

Suzy gave me her "Are you fucking kidding me?" look but didn't drop the hose. In fact, she started walking slowly toward me.

"You fucking pushed me into the pool, you whore!"

"I did no such thing," I responded, shaking my head while walking backwards. "It's not my fault that your body came into contact with my hands and the pool happened to be right beside you."

She stopped dead in her tracks and lowered the hose.

"Iris, you fucking ran at me, pushed me in, and then ran away laughing."

"Fine," I said, rolling my eyes. "But I have two valid reasons for doing that."

"Oh, this shit oughta be good," she snorted.

"First, I've had a lot to drink," I said, trying to keep a serious face and not giggle. "_Estoy boracha a la chingada_."

My mind suddenly wandered back to the kitchen where a half empty bottle of whiskey, shot glasses, and random bottles of coke were making a fucking mess on the counter. I couldn't remember whose idea it was to start drinking at three o'clock in the afternoon, but I'm pretty sure it was mine.

"And second," I continued. "You threatened to tell Jackson."

"Oh, for the love of Christ! It's not my fault you're chicken shit and won't tell him you love him. Grow some fucking balls, Mexico."

Outta nowhere, she raised the hose and started fiddling with that silver thing on the attachment that makes the water shoot out really fast and hard. I knew that the moment she pushed on it, I'd be doused with water. Payback's a bitch, and it was currently wearing a Suzy mask. To be honest, I probably shoulda just taken the drenching since I _had_ pushed her in, and she was now dripping wet. Karma and all that jazz. But fuck if I was gonna make it easy for her.

"Excuse the fuck outta me for not wanting you to tell Jackson something that should be said by me. I'm just not fucking ready to tell him, okay? Besides, I don't wanna tell him until I'm sure he won't freak the fuck out."

Before I could go any further, I was hit right smack in the fucking face with water. I immediately put my hands up to block it, trying to get to a point where I could open my eyes and think about the best course of action. In that moment, I was thankful that military school had taught me a few ninja moves.

Once I was able to see what was going on, I noticed that Suzy simply had the hose raised at me and was laughing hysterically. The fact that she had her head thrown back gave me the opportunity I was looking for, so I ducked underneath the spray of the water and charged at her. I had only meant to take the hose away from her, but the ground was all wet so I ended up slipping and falling. In a non-graceful moment, I took Suzy down with me. We laughed and yelled at one another, trying to gain control over the hose but nobody was letting up. After we were totally outta breath, we called a truce and pulled ourselves up from the ground.

"That was awesome."

I looked up to find Kellan and Jackson standing on the steps of the screened-in porch, smirking and looking absolutely entertained.

"All that's missing is the Jell-O," Jackson laughed.

I immediately went for the hose and pointed it at them. Kellan ran back inside while Jackson stood with this his hands in front of him, surrendering. Suzy talked me out of the idea of drenching him and took the hose out of my hands. We walked back in, and I made a mental note to break out my Swiffer to clean up all the water I was tracking inside. I noticed that most of the crew was in the living room, picking at the green chile enchiladas I had made. I also noticed two new people in the room.

"You coulda told me that there'd be new people here, so Suzy and I coulda kept the water works and drinking to a minimum. This isn't the best way to meet someone," I whispered to Jackson as I lightly elbowed him.

I heard him chuckle as I walked faster toward Tinsel Korey and Julia Jones, already knowing who they were from all the Twitter information floating around about them. I introduced myself and Suzy, apologizing for our drunkenness and drenched clothing. They laughed and waved it off, saying that they had heard all about how crazy things could get from Kellan and Alex. After her quick hello, Suzy ran upstairs to shower and change. Even though I wanted to hang around so I could make sure that everyone was okay with the food, I didn't want to end up smelling like a wet dog. I pointed out where everything was and hurried up to my room, letting them know to dig in and not wait for us.

Even after I showered, I was still pretty drunk and feeling really warm, so I ended up putting on a pair of shorts and a random t-shirt I found. I did the best I could with my hair and make-up considering I was in no state to walk, let alone handle sharp objects near my eyes. That fucking eyeliner pencil and I battled for a good five minutes before I finally won out.

By the time I made it downstairs, Suzy was fixing herself a plate and everyone was eating at the table.

"What took you so long?" she asked.

"I almost fell in the shower, so I had to slow down a bit," I laughed.

"It's the middle of the afternoon. Why are you two drinking?" Nikki laughed.

"We were bored," I shrugged, grabbing myself a plate of the veggie enchiladas.

I took the bottle of whiskey and as many bottles of beer as I could to the table before I plopped down in my seat.

"You're wearing shorts," Jackson commented, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"Nothing gets by you, Captain Obvious," I laughed.

"I've never seen you in shorts before."

I turned to look at him and found his eyes roaming over my legs.

"Seriously?" I laughed. "You're such a horndog."

He smirked as I leaned in to kiss him, feeling bad that he was probably in eternal horndog mode since there was still no horizontal mambo action going on between us.

"Come on, you two. We just ate," Ashley whined, though she was also laughing

Since everyone was pretty much finished eating, they all started drinking while Suzy and I ate. Kristen and Rob hadn't shown up, but all of the Bronze Boys - sans Taylor - had come over. I watched and tried to keep from giggling as Kiowa continued to make not-so-subtle googly eyes at Suzy.

By the time Suzy and I were done eating, everyone was well on their way to getting drunk. The plan for the day was to have a late lunch and then watch a movie. The night shoots were over, and they had decided to take their Friday off and just relax.

"Where's The Holy Trinity?" I asked.

"They had a meeting to go to right after we finished shooting this morning, so they crashed as soon as they got back," Ashley replied. "They said that if we're still here by the time they get up, they'll stop by. Rob wanted enchiladas."

"Bryce? Xavier? Mama and Papa Cullen?" I giggled.

"Bryce is with her family, Xavier's with his girlfriend, and Peter and Liz are being adults," Nikki said before she took a swig of her beer.

An hour later, the entire group was pretty much hammered. Some had gravitated to sitting in the living room while others were leaning against the back of the couch talking to those who were standing. Jackson was sitting on the top of the couch while I leaned against his chest, standing between his legs. I spoke with Julia and Tinsel, though much of the conversation was in one ear and out the other since Jackson kept playing with my hair and randomly kissing my neck.

In the middle of everyone's conversations, Suzy darted to the iPod.

"Iris, what the hell kind of music is this playing?" she asked as she lowered the volume.

"Hey! I gave her that playlist," Jackson replied as we both turned around to look at her as she stared at the screen.

"So I have you to blame for her making me listen to this for the past few days?" she groaned.

A couple of days after I got back, Jackson had gotten a hold of my iPod and added his own playlist. It was full of songs and artists I had never heard of. When I had asked him about it, he said that there was more to music than the mainstream stuff I listened to most of the time. Most of the older stuff I was familiar with, knowing that a life without The Stones or The Who was not a life worth living, but it was the present-day shit that I had a hard time wrapping my head around. The lyrics were great and the instrumentation was awesome, but it just wasn't what I was used to. I had tortured him enough with my own music, though, so I figured it was only fair that his music get some air time.

Jackson groaned when Suzy switched his playlist to my "Dance Party Mix." I laughed and pinched his arm, whispering for him to behave. He mumbled something about being the type to never behave before he kissed me behind the ear and hooked his fingers into the bottom of my shorts. Julia and Tinsel laughed before being distracted by Suzy's presence.

A little while later, The Holy Trinity showed up. As I was about to jump outta Jackson's lap and rush over to the kitchen to fix them a plate, Kristen held her hand up, telling me to sit my ass down and that they would feed themselves. They came over to where everyone was congregated, and they ate standing up.

"Can I get the recipe to this, or is it some family secret?" Kristen asked, gesturing to the enchiladas with her fork.

"You got it, dude," I said, giving her my best drunken Michelle Tanner thumbs-up. "I didn't know you cooked."

"I haven't had to since we met you," she laughed. "But yeah. Hey! Maybe I can cook us dinner one night or something."

"Sounds good to me. You lemme know what you wanna make, and I'll get the groceries."

Once they were finished eating, they put their dishes in the sink and grabbed some beers, joining in on the conversations going on.

As the music played through the speakers, I ended up dancing in my seat without even realizing it until Jackson moved his hand from my hip to wrap his arm around the front of my waist.

"Stop moving like that, or I'm going to be very embarrassed when you decide to move from this spot," he whispered.

It took me a while to realize what he was talking about. When it hit me, I let out this really loud cackle. I clamped my hand over my mouth when everybody turned to stare at me, and Jackson squeezed my waist again.

I may or may not have continued to dance in place just to tease the fucker.

When The Bronze Boys decided to leave the living room and meander about the house, taking Julia and Tinsel with them, Alex came over to join in our convo. He asked me about my high school reunion coming up, confirming that Jackson had mentioned it to them at some point, though I didn't know why. I gave him the info that I knew, and that turned into a discussion about the specific crazy shit I had taken part in during those four years. Kellan seemed pretty impressed that I had, at one time, been able to knock out 200 pushups in one sitting to get out of a ticket, because the judge had been a sergeant major in the army.

After the conversation died down and The Bronze Boys and the girls had come back, everyone kinda just made one giant circle in the middle of the floor and started up another round of conversations. I was still drinking my life away, ultimately declaring my love for the group and the makers of Bud Light and whiskey for their contribution to my drunken state.

"I need to smoke," I slurred, turned around enough so Jackson could hear me. "Wanna join me?"

"I don't need to right now, but I'll come outside with you."

I shook my head and handed him my beer.

"You finish that here. I'll take the bitches and hoes outside with me."

I ran over to the kitchen island to snag my pack of cigs and then grabbed Kristen and Suzy by the arms, yelling that anything with a vagina could come outside and join us. I heard the boys whoop and holler as we walked outside. It had either gotten colder or my warm and fuzzy feeling from the whiskey was starting to wear off, because I shivered a little and felt the goosebumps on my arms.

Suzy, Kristen, and I lit up while Ashley, Nikki, Julia, and Tinsel stood around and chatted. Julia and Tinsel went inside pretty quickly, though. I guess either the smoke or the cold had gotten to them. Suzy finished her cig and went inside, coming right back out with new beers for the four of us, before rushing back in.

"I take it you're doing OK?" Kristen smirked before drinking her beer.

"I'm good."

It got really quiet for a moment, and then I heard Nikki chuckle.

"See? She's got that look."

"Who has what look?" I asked, scanning each of their faces for the supposed look.

"You," Ashley laughed.

"I have a look?"

In my drunken state, I put my bottle down and then used both hands to feel my face. I don't remember exactly what I was trying to accomplish by doing that, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. The girls burst out laughing.

"You're smitten. You're a smitten kitten," Ashley smiled.

"Yes, Dr. Seuss. I am a Jackson shmaxon smitten kitten," I replied as I rolled my eyes.

They continued to make cute little kissy noises and goofball faces at me for a while. Kristen and Nikki decided to go back in once they got all the teasing outta their systems, Ashley staying outside with me. I asked her about how everything had gone for her during those three weeks we hadn't seen each other, and she gave me a quick overview.

As we were talking, I could hear the party going on inside. Out of nowhere, I heard Jackson let out a loud ass laugh and I couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, you've got it _bad_," Ashley said.

"Can you blame me?" I giggled.

"I guess not."

Those three words hit me hard, making me realize that I didn't know the truth - know _anything_ - about what might or might not have gone on between her and Jackson. Just the possibility of her being with Jackson intimidated me. Naturally, I had always been curious but it seemed to actually sink in more now that I was in love with him.

"Ash? Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah," she replied, her voice getting serious.

"Normally, I don't ask these sorts of things because you know my issues with people prying into your lives and how you guys don't really have any privacy anymore, but it kind of involves me now."

I took a deep breath and turned my body so I could face her.

"Have you slept with Jackson?"

"Uh, do you really wanna hear this?" she hesitated.

"I guess that's my answer," I mumbled, dropping my head.

Even though I had a feeling that it had probably happened, it was different actually having it confirmed. Despite the numbness in my face due to the alcohol, I could tell that it had fallen.

"We tried dating for a little while, but it didn't work out. We realized we were better friends than anything. Nothing's happened since."

I nodded, took a drink of my beer, and lit another cigarette.

"Iris, why are you wondering about that?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Curiosity, I guess."

"Did something happen?"

_You mean other than the fact that I fell in love with him?_

"I just… He's important to me, Ash. I guess I just still have that whole insecurity thing going on."

"Why?"

"It's hard to explain…"

"Whatever it is you're thinking, stop. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, but you're obviously thinking too much. Three months, Iris. You guys have been together for three months."

For some reason, what she said made sense. She hadn't really spelled anything out, but she didn't need to. I was being a ninny about the whole fucking situation for no reason.

"You're right. Thanks," I nodded.

"Alright. Enough of this. Let's get back inside before I freeze my ass off," she laughed.

We walked back in, and I made a beeline for my spot in Jackson's lap.

"You were out there for a while," Jackson mumbled into the side of my neck.

"Girl talk," I shrugged.

His face pulled away, and then he slightly turned me around so I was almost facing him.

"Everything okay?" he asked, looking worried.

"Stop the wigging. We were just comparing bra sizes," I joked.

The smirk on his face ended the entire discussion.

The next couple of hours were filled with more and more drinking. I kinda felt bad for Taylor since he was stuck drinking soda and dealing with our crazinesss, but the dude wouldn't budge on the alcohol issue, though I promised we wouldn't narc on him. I continued to dance in place, though I dialed down the booty shaking when I heard Jackson hiss behind me. I ended up taking it to a whole other level, though, when reggaeton came blaring through the speakers.

"You might as well just get up and buff the wall," Suzy laughed, pointing her beer at me.

"No buffing walls. Not tonight. There are peeps around."

"Buffing walls?" Rob asked.

"When Iris gets hammered and reggeaton music comes on, she dances against walls. It's stripper-like without the pole."

"I wanna see that," Jackson whispered in my ear.

"Down, boy," I laughed. "No wall-buffing will be done tonight. I may be drunk, but I'm not entirely stupid. I know you people have cell phones at the ready to record of any of this shit that could later be used as blackmail. And by you people, I mean Kellan."

"Who me?" he asked, trying to sound innocent as he gave me a toothy grin.

"Besides, dancing to reggaeton is like fucking with your clothes on. I'm not ready to do that Patrick Swayze dancing in front of people. Wait! Suzy could do it. She may be Polish, but girl knows how to work the hips. Just ask her last boyfriend," I teased, wanting to get her back for even suggestion the dancing thing in the first place. "I'll just dance in my seat."

The rest of the conversation went on as if Suzy hadn't tried to embarrass me in my drunken state, though I did continue to dance in my seat to the music, earning me some warning nudges and groans from Jackson. He wouldn't let me move so I blamed the whole thing on him, whispering that maybe I should keep him drunk all the time if he was going to be so hands-on while liquored up.

When he had either had enough of me rubbing all up on his crotch or the music that was playing, he asked Kristen to change the playlist. When she couldn't make up her mind, Rob tried to help. When they couldn't agree on anything, Bronson jumped in. Taylor broke up the almost brawl by suggesting we just watch the movie. Since we were all pretty hammered and it was still early, we agreed to the movie, hoping we'd get that time to sober up before going to bed. We made our way down to the theater, and we somehow all managed to unanimously choose _Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind_. I didn't argue since I was gonna get to ogle Elijah for a while, and the boys were all over Kate Winslet.

By the time the movie was over, our hangovers were in full effect. I handed out ibuprofen like a nurse and said goodbye to everyone but Suzy and Jackson. Jackson had wanted to stay over since we hadn't really had much time to spend together after I had gotten back from New York.

I walked into the bathroom to change and came back out to find Jackson on the phone.

"How's she feeling?" he asked to whoever he was on the phone with.

He realized I was in the room and mouthed "Mom" to me. I told him I was going downstairs to get some water, wanting to give him some privacy. I took my sweet time, cleaned the island a little, and then went back upstairs.

"I'll talk to her," he chuckled, smiling at me as I walked into the room. "Okay. Love you, too. Bye."

"Everything kosher?" I asked as I climbed up and sat on the bed.

"Yep. Mom says hi,

by the way."

I almost fell over the edge of the bed.

"Mama Bone knows about me?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Why wouldn't she know about you?"

"I don't know. I guess I just never thought about you telling your family about us."

"They know, Baby Girl," he snickered.

I wanted to get more out of him on the subject. I wanted to know how long his Mom had known about me, if any other members of his family knew of me, and what they thought. I had a million questions to ask him, but I couldn't get the words out. Instead, Jackson talked about the movie, starting a serious discussion about its plot. Then he asked me if I had gotten all my drooling over Elijah done. We bickered back and forth for a little bit even after we had gotten cozy under the covers. When we were finally exhausted enough to sleep, I turned on my side and felt his arm go around my waist, pulling me back into him. I passed out within seconds.

As I slowly woke up the next morning, I internally kicked myself when I realized that there was far too much light streaming into the room, reminding me that I hadn't closed the curtains before falling asleep.

_Seriously? It's way too fucking bright in here._

I looked to my left to see if the open curtains were causing Jackson to wake up. The dude was on his stomach, clutching his pillow and lightly snoring. I let out this small laugh and then immediately threw my hand over my mouth when he started to wake up.

"Go back to sleep," I whispered.

"No. I'm up. This is me getting up. See?" he mumbled into his pillow, not moving a fucking inch.

I shook my head, trying not to giggle too loudly, and got outta bed. By the time I made it to the bathroom, he was back to lightly snoring. I took my time as I put in my contacts, did my bathroom business, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. I was drying my face while walking outta the bathroom when I noticed that Jackson had moved to lying on his back. And that's when I noticed his boxers.

Dude was sporting morning wood.

Before I could even ponder how to approach the situation, I watched as his right hand crawled towards the tent, adjusted, and then cupped. I was slightly worried he was going to start jerking off as I stood there and watched and then wondered if guys actually did that in their sleep. Lord knows I didn't have any experience in that area. Hell, I hadn't even seen a dick before, porno dick not counting as the real thing. I wondered about the possibility of him stroking the trouser snake for all of thirty seconds when he finally moved his hand.

_Do I wake him up and just not make eye contact with Little Bone, or do I let him sleep?_

I threw my washcloth back into the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe for a bit, deciding what to do. A normal girlfriend would probably wake their boyfriend up with amazing morning sex. At the very least, a normal, non-convent-worthy girlfriend would wake her man up with a blowjob.

And then the inspiration struck me.

_I can do this. I can suck cock._

_Wait… Can I gonna get lock jaw or something?_

That shit was so outta my territory, I didn't even know where to begin.

_How does one approach an appendage that Suzy has described as having a mind of its own?_

I took a deep breath and walked to the foot of the bed. I didn't know whether I should straddle his lower legs or just slowly spread them apart and then settle between them. As if the blowjob gods could hear the inner workings of my brain, Jackson shifted and his legs spread a little.

_Between the legs it is._

I slowly climbed up on the bed, moving far enough up that I wasn't leaning over so much that I would accidentally fall on him but enough that I could get the job done, no pun intended. I quickly glanced at his face and took in the absolute serene look he was wearing.

It was then I realized that this wasn't about me being "normal." I _wanted_ to do this, not because it was expected of me or because I would be returning the favor. It was because I loved him.

Taking in a quiet, deep breath, I reached for the waistband of his boxers. I managed to not actually graze his skin, worried that he would wake up before I could get down to business. I did my best to pull them down, though it was pretty difficult since I had a hardened dick to work around, and his ass was keeping the back part in place. I snuck my fingers as far back as they would go on the waistband and lightly tugged until they were far down enough that I could get the front down, as well. With shaky hands, I moved back to the front and lowered them enough that his dick just kinda sprung free.

Suzy had tried to describe a non-porno dick to me once. I guess it really was one of those things someone had to see for themselves in order to understand what the deal was. In this case, it was. First thing I noticed was that he was scaped. He wasn't bare or anything, but it was neat and tidy or whatever. And then I started to question why he would take care of the area in the first place.

_Did he expect this to happen? Was he just channeling his inner Boy Scout and wanted to be prepared at all times?_

I stopped the weird thoughts when I remembered that I scaped, too.

I slowly moved so that my face was directly over his cock. I was all set to just plunge that puppy in my mouth when I noticed that it twitched. The fucker was moving on its own. It was almost like it was saying, "I'm here! Right here!"

_He doesn't pee out of it. He's never stuck it in another girl. He doesn't fondle it while watching porn._

Chanting those thoughts to myself to keep from chickening out, I grasped the base with my hand. That alone woulda earned me a trophy from Suzy, being all bold and shit. I looked up, wondering if he could tell what was going on, when he slightly moaned. He was still sleeping, though. I noticed that there was already pre-cum forming so I took that as my homing signal as to what to do next. I leaned down and let tip of _my_ tongue sweep over _his_ tip. Then the taste of the pre-cum registered.

_Not bad. It's doesn't taste like a fucking milkshake, but it's not horrible._

I decided that I was done pussy-footing around and finally just wrapped my lips around the head, swirling my tongue around the tip.

"Oh, fuck."

I looked up and made eye contact with Jackson, a look of complete and utter shock on his face.

"Baby, what are you doing?" he panted.

I could've gone with "I thought you were a popsicle" or "You know. Just looking around." But I knew that had I gone down that route, it woulda ruined the moment. Instead, I went with snarky and just prayed to the blowjob gods that it came off sexy so he wouldn't instantly deflate in my hand.

"If you have to ask, I guess I'm not doing this right," I snickered.

Before he could say anything else, I went for the gold. I took as much of him into my mouth as I could without gagging. The last thing I needed was to throw up all over him. I was careful not to get my teeth near him, because I'm sure that biting his dick off wouldn't have earned me any brownie points, either. I remembered something I had read in a fan fic once and I hollowed out my cheeks as I came back up, creating suction. I heard him moan and I looked up to see his reaction, wondering if I was doing okay or if I should just hop off and let his hand take care of the rest. He was staring at me with his mouth open and his eyes narrowed. I took that as a good sign. I stroked him with my hand a couple of times before I put him back in my mouth and did this bobbing thing a few times, letting my hand come up when my mouth did. I suddenly felt something on my head and looked up to find Jackson with his head thrown back, his eyes closed, and his hands in my hair. I tried not to smirk too much, taking the hair thing as a sign that I wasn't doing horribly, grateful that he wasn't shoving my face down, and went back to the task at hand.

Well, my hand _and_ mouth.

I wasn't sure about the whole cupping his balls thing, so I was sorta grateful that I had only pulled his boxers down enough to wear they exposed his purple-headed yogurt slinger but not low enough that I had that to work that, as well.

It really wasn't needed, though. As I continued on, Jackson's grip on my hair got stronger, his moans got louder, and his hips were bucking even more. If I could've done it without stopping in the middle of the blowjob, I would've danced a jig when he let out this super loud moan as I lightly tickled the underside of his dick with my tongue. When I heard his panting increase, I knew he was probably on the verge of cumming. I looked up to see if I could register the fact on his face when I noticed he was staring at me again. Rather than look away, I stared back and then let my tongue flatten out and ghost over the slit.

"Oh, shit," he practically whined.

I tore my gaze away and then had at it. I started bobbing up and down at a much faster pace. He started mumbling incoherently, and when I felt him almost try to lift my face outta his crotch by my hair, I knew he was about to cum. I wasn't about to have him jizz all over his stomach, though, so I slightly shook my head.

_Fuck that. I can swallow. I'm a trooper!_

I overestimated my eagerness and the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat, almost causing me to throw up. Before I could do anything about it, I felt and tasted as he came in my mouth and heard him yell out a giant and elongated "Fuck!" The pre-cum should've been an indicator, because that spunk, while not funky, was not the tastiest thing on the planet.

I tried not to think about the taste as I continued my blowjob handiwork until I could tell he had calmed down. I freed Willy and just sat back on my heels. I didn't realize how hard I had worked until I noticed I was panting, and to be honest, pretty wet.

_Who knew sucking my boyfriend off could get the lady bits all worked up?_

I waited for a bit and then watched as Jackson opened his eyes and raised his head to look at me. Trying not to let myself get embarrassed, I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"So…" I trailed off. "Breakfast?"

He smirked and then laughed before reaching down and pulling his boxers back into place. I crawled over to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, guessing that dudes didn't really like to mingle their morning breath with the taste of their own jizz together. I scurried off the bed and went back into the bathroom to brush my teeth, taking extra time to clean my tongue. When I was done, I walked back out into the bedroom and found Jackson sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the door as if he was waiting on me.

"Pancakes or French toast?" I said innocently.

"Come here," he said, gesturing with this hand.

I walked over to him, and when I finally reached him, he pulled my legs up onto the bed so I was sitting in his lap, straddling him. He gave me this long and deep kiss that had me feeling light-headed at the end. He pulled back, and then I watched as his eyes searched my face.

"Where did that come from?" he asked.

Being the insecure wench that I am, I took his question to mean that I hadn't lived up to the blowjob par.

"Was it that bad?" I groaned, hiding my face with my hands.

"What? No!" he exclaimed, tugging at my hands so he could see me. "That's not what I'm asking, though I do have questions about that."

"Questions?"

"There's no way that was your first time."

"Really?" I beamed.

"Really," he answered, laughing.

"Well, that moment would not have been possible without the help of my natural hooker instincts, fan fiction, and Suzy," I said, giving my best faux-Oscar speech.

"Suzy? Wow. I'm gonna buy her a car."

I laughed at the face he made, gave him a quick kiss, and then hopped off his lap.

"Wait."

I turned around when I couldn't walk any further since he was pulling me back by my hand.

"You never answered my question."

I could've told him that I loved him but then it woulda just been a shitty thing to do, ruining the moment and all after having sucked him off.

_I love you, so I gave you a blowjob?_

"I wanted to," was my simple answer.

He seemed to either just take my reply for what it was or he understood since he simply nodded.

I was asking him what he wanted for breakfast as I opened the door and noticed Suzy walking by with a grumpy look on her face.

"Morning, Suz," I said cheerily.

"Fuck you," she groaned.

"What's wrong?"

"These walls aren't soundproof, you slut," she said as she turned to glare at Jackson.

I stood frozen and watched her walk down the stairs before I tried to bolt back into the bedroom. Jackson laughed and grabbed my hand, dragging me outta the room and down the steps to the kitchen where I knew I'd have to face Suzy and my possible death for waking her up.

The next couple of weeks passed by pretty quickly despite Suzy leaving at the end of the weekend to go back to New York. She had mercy on me about the blowjob incident and didn't grill me about my morning mouth workout until Jackson had left. She told me that she could tell by Jackson's acting as her too-early alarm clock that I had done well. I didn't give her specifics, but I did let her drive the Obama car to and from the hotel while she was there as my way of saying thank you.

The crew had gone back to shooting during the day, so we were able to have some weekday dinners. I had missed them way too much during the three week hiatus, and I was more than happy to spend time with them when I could. I guess they had missed me, too, since they were really eager to find out how my trip back to New York had gone and then sat with me as I showed them pictures from the rooftop party, the night I called Jackson drunk at the bar, and just general city pics. I pointed out who was who, and they were really happy to know that my friends at home didn't give a shit about the celebrity status thing.

Things with Jackson didn't go any further in the sex department. I still wasn't ready to have his junk all up in my junk, but that didn't stop us from going back to the occasional fingering and blowjobs.

I still hadn't told him I loved him, and I felt like a fucking coward for it. There were times when it seemed almost okay to say it, but almost wasn't good enough for me. Besides, I was scared outta my fucking mind that I'd say it and then he'd give me the talk about him not feeling the same way. I decided to just keep the feeling to myself, though I was worried as shit that I would accidentally blurt it out at any given moment. It was constantly running through my head, and it didn't help that my brain-to-mouth filter was always fucked up thanks to being all lovey dovey around him. Even worse, I was super duper scared I was going to blurt it out while he was making me cum.

Because how romantic.

I pushed my chicken shit thoughts and ways outta my mind as I prepared myself to meet up with the crew at the hotel one Friday night. The boys had a show and they had flown in earlier that day, but I hadn't seen them since they had gone straight to the bar they were going to be playing at to smooth over any issues that might've crept up for their set. Graupner had called me before they had taken off - I assumed he gotten my number from Jackson - and asked if I would be willing to cook him dinner. Since I had missed them all and because I wanted to, I said I would. I managed to squeeze in a quick hi to the other boys before Graupner started rattling off about pies and then was forced to turn off his phone by the flight attendant.

Still laughing, I made my way to the grocery store and picked up what I needed to make _tostadas_. I wanted something that would be easy to make and wouldn't make the boys feel weighed down, so they could do their usual craziness for the show.

I hurried back to the house, threw on my iPod, put the groceries away, glanced at the clock, and realized I had a little over three hours left before I was supposed to head over to the hotel. As I was running up the stairs to take another quick shower, I heard a ringing. The music from my iPhone was still blaring through the speakers so I was all sorts of confused as to where the ringing was coming from. I ran back down and glanced around the living room, noticing that the cordless phone was lighting up. Not thinking anything of it, I picked it up, knowing that the only people who had the number to the house were Juanita's family, my Mom, and Suzy.

"_Bueno bueno_," I laughed.

"_Iris_?"

_Fuck._

"_Hola, Abuelita_," I said, clearing my throat.

That was pretty much the nicest part of the conversation.

After I hung up, I was so unbelievably pissed and frustrated and on the verge of tears. I needed to get all of that shit outta my system before I even thought about getting in the car and facing Jackson. I threw on my "Fuck You" playlist, grabbed a full pack of cigarettes, and walked out to the backyard. I sat on the steps leading out of the screened-in porch and stared out into the backyard. By the time I was halfway done with my first cig, I was bawling like a baby.

I chain smoked for a good while as I listened to the music screech through the speakers. Song after song, cigarette after cigarette, all I could think about was just how one fucking phone call had managed to turn my entire day around. The more I tried not to think about it, the more I thought about it. The harder I tried not to cry, the harder I cried. And it wasn't even that she hurt my feelings. It was that I allowed her to get to me. She _always_ got to me. I knew better than to listen to what she said, but she was my grandmother. Despite every horrible thing she said to me, I wanted to believe that it came from a good place. I wanted to believe that she did it because she wanted me to be happy. I wanted to believe that, deep down inside, she did it because she cared and worried. That's what my mother had always told me, anyway.

I was probably halfway done with the pack when I heard the sound of boots shuffle on the floor of the porch and the screen door open.

"Hey."

"Hey," I croaked out, still looking out into the backyard.

I heard him let out a big sigh. He walked down the first few steps before I felt him sit down beside me. I reached for my pack and handed it to him. He must've realized that I wasn't in the mood to talk since I was still crying. I heard as he took out a cig and lit it.

We sat there for a few minutes as I finally managed to get my ridiculous crying under control. When I stopped sniffling, he finally spoke.

"Should I expect Slash to walk outta the bathroom, or am I safe?" he asked, commenting on my choice of music.

I managed to do this laugh-through-excessive-crying-hiccup thing. I turned to look at him, despite being worried that I looked like The Blob and would scare the fuck outta him. He took one look at me and sighed. He wrapped his hand around my neck and brought me closer to him, kissing my temple.

"What happened?"

"My grandmother called," I began, clearing my throat. "She had some things she wanted to say to me."

"Why did you pick up your phone in the first place?"

"She called the house. I didn't know it was her. I'm assuming she got the number from my Mom. She knew I wouldn't pick up my cell if I knew she was calling."

"What'd she say?"

"Apparently, she found out that I was still up here and not back in New York. She wanted to know why," I continued, lighting up another cig. "Mom told her that I had made some friends up here and decided to hang around a while longer. Because Mom doesn't have a filter when it comes to her own mother, she mentioned that I had a boyfriend."

I took a big drag and shifted my ass on the concrete since it was starting to hurt from sitting in the same position for so long.

"Anyway," I continued. "Without asking me anything else, she dove right in and asked me about you. I didn't tell her who you are, of course. God knows that the woman doesn't know how to work a computer, but I wouldn't put it past her to have one of my cousins Google your name and then have a picture of you pop up. She asked me all about you, though. I kept my answers short and to the point, but I accidentally let it slip that you're gorgeous."

He chuckled, causing me to turn my head to look at him. I stopped talking and smoked the rest of the cigarette. I sat there and stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"The fact that you're gorgeous is my downfall."

"What do you mean?"

"I've told you what she's like and what she thinks of me. It's easier for her to think that any guy who would wanna be with me would be as ugly as George W's vocabulary. It doesn't make sense to her that her ugly duckling granddaughter managed to get a boyfriend who was even remotely attractive, let alone gorgeous."

I lit up another cigarette and felt my throat get tighter, knowing I was about to start crying again.

"She kept repeating that you were probably my only chance at ever having a boyfriend so I shouldn't fuck it up, that I should do whatever it takes to keep you. She wondered whether you didn't have some mental deficiency for wanting to be with me in the first place and then went on to remind me that I'm not pretty. '_Dios sabe que una muchacha fea no tiene las oportunidades en amor que otras mujeres guapas tienen_.'"

"What does that mean?"

"'Lord knows that an ugly girl doesn't have the same opportunities as beautiful women,'" I translated, leaving out the love part.

"Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?" I heard him scowl. "Why do you listen to her?"

"She may not be the nicest person in the world to me, but she's my grandmother. She's the only one I have left. As much as I wanna tell her to fuck off, I can't. The thing that pisses me off, though, is that she can still get to me with this shit. Yeah, what she says fucking hurts but family's supposed to be the one constant in your life that's there for you, good or bad."

"Do you still believe what she says?"

_Oh, fuck._

"Honestly? A little. But lemme explain before you get all huffy-puffy on me."

We both pulled out another cigarette to smoke, and I readied myself to get what I needed out there.

"Do you know how many times I hear about how gorgeous you are?" I began. "It's in my face 24/7 because of the internet and Twitter. There's a part of me that makes me smile when I think about the fact that we're together, because you make me so fucking happy. Then there's that other part of me that worries that I'm not good enough for you. I'm still working through that," I quickly added, "but I can't help but worry that you're going to find some beautiful girl and leave me."

"I found my beautiful girl," he said, moving my hair off my shoulder.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to smile. I turned to look at him and rolled my eyes.

"What?" he smirked.

"Do they teach boys how to be smooth when they're going through puberty or something?" I laughed.

"Yes, but that's beside the point," he chuckled.

He turned his entire body and motioned for me to do the same. When we were finally facing each other, he looked me dead in the eyes.

"I wish I could tell you to cut all ties when it comes to her, because I hate seeing you like this. I can't, though. That's your decision. But I don't want what she or anybody else has to say to make you doubt that I want to be with you. Got that?"

I nodded my head and took a deep breath in. He leaned in to give me a kiss, and I immediately jerked my face away.

"I taste like an ashtray."

"So do I. I don't give a shit."

He took my face in his hands, probably so I couldn't move, and kissed me.

_I love you._

I should've just said it, but I didn't. Instead, I just let him do his thing with his tongue. When we finally pulled our lips away, I threw my arms around his neck, giving him a hug.

"Thank you."

"Me man. Me fix things," he laughed, before pulling away.

"What are you doing here, by the way? I thought I was meeting you at the hotel."

"We decided to just order pizza. I wanted to catch you before you started cooking."

"Shit! What time is it? Do I have time to take a quick shower?"

"Can you be ready in thirty minutes? Ben wants to spend as much time with you before we leave for soundcheck," he chuckled.

I flew from where I was sitting, the numbness of my ass finally registering with me, and ran upstairs. I hopped in the shower, did my thing, got dressed, managed to give my hair the gel and hairspray treatment, grabbed my make-up bag to throw in my purse, and ran back downstairs. I found him staring at the screen on my iPhone, the music still going. He looked up at me and chuckled.

"You must've _really_ been pissed. This playlist scares the shit out of me. It's so fucking angry."

"Well, it was either listen to the playlist or throw some dishes. I'm not Greek, though."

I tossed him the keys to the Obama car as I unplugged my iPhone. We walked outta the house and got into the car, me fumbling with the iPod wheel as he drove off.

"If it makes you feel any better, I got one of those lecture phone calls today, too."

"Oh, yeah? From who?"

"My Mom."

"Uhoh. What'd you do?"

"She initially called to find out if the guys had made it here okay and how the shoot was going. Then she yelled at me, because you weren't in Dallas to meet the family."

I rolled my eyes before I burst into laughter.

"Okay, she didn't yell," he chuckled. "But she _did_ want to know why you weren't in Dallas. She and Dad wanted to meet you. Brit wanted to give you the customary third degree, and Kelly wanted to play mediator."

"I didn't go to Dallas, because it was an expensive and ticketed event. Plus, it woulda cost me an ovary to get a last minute flight."

He turned to look at me as we were stopped at a red light.

"That's why you didn't go?"

"Well, that and I wasn't invited," I joked.

"Wait. I figured if you wanted to go, you would've said so. You didn't say anything, so I didn't say anything. I wanted you there," he said seriously.

"Whoa. Slow your roll. I was just kidding," I laughed.

"I wasn't," he huffed. "I can't believe you stayed here for two weeks by yourself when you could've spent a couple of days with us in Dallas. If it was about the money, I would've helped, ya know."

It took me a few seconds to take in the fact that he was actually a little upset. It had never dawned on me to think about going to Dallas with him. It was something he attended for work, and I wasn't going to get in the middle of that. I would've _loved_ to have broken up those three weeks of Jacksonless time, but I wasn't going to include myself in something that I didn't have reason to include myself in.

"Nuh-uh. No way. You know I don't like people spending money on me. I'm not a moocher. I should be ashamed to say that considering where I'm staying right now and the fact that I don't pay for groceries and this car isn't mine, but I'll deal with Juanita in due time."

It got pretty quiet for a bit before he spoke up again.

"Anyway," he said before clearing his throat. "They wanted to meet you, and you weren't there."

"That's, uh, sweet of them," I mumbled.

"What? You don't want to meet them?"

"I do. It's just a serious thing. Meeting the parental units is, like, _big_."

"Exactly."

Without removing his eyes from the road, he took my hand in his and raised it to his mouth, kissing the inside of my wrist.

_I love you._

We arrived at the hotel and made our way up to his room where we could hear a shitload of noise coming out of. We walked in and found the rest of the Monkeys and most of the crew lounging around, already eating pizza. I noticed Graupner first, the biggest presence in the room, and tried not to run as I made my way over. He gave me this giant hug, and I gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. I gave hugs to the rest of the boys, making sure to hug Uncle Larry a little harder than the rest, and then settled in the middle of them as I ate my pizza, hearing about the work Jerad had been doing for the movie and what the rest of them had been up to in LA.

An hour later, the boys left for the bar to take care of soundcheck and whatever else rock stars needed to do before a show. I stayed with the rest of the crew and found out that only Ashley, Xavier, Rob, and Kristen were attending. We still had quite some time before we were to leave, so I took my time putting on my makeup and relaxed as we chatted about nothing.

When it was time, we climbed into cabs and made our way to the bar, entering through the back door so the famous peeps wouldn't get mobbed. Xavier and Ashley braved the crowd for a while as Rob, Kristen, and I stayed behind the Wizard Of Oz curtain so they couldn't be seen. Ashley eventually made her way back to us and enjoyed some of the show from there.

_I don't care how many times I see him this way. Baby's always gonna take my breath away._

Jackson sang his glorious heart out while the rest of the Monkeys jammed away, and the crowd ate it up. I peeked around the curtain to glance at the crowd and watched as the girls were basically eye-fucking the shit out of my boyfriend. The boys were wearing white shirts and ties and looked amazing as they played and kept the crowd geared up. The girls in the audience had their hormones at Defcon Level 40 Gajillion and I half-laughed and half-sighed, knowing just where they were coming from. Suddenly, I felt a nudge in my side and glanced over to see Ashley smiling like crazy.

"What are you smiling at?" I asked with a laugh.

"You're enjoying the fact that all of those little girls are throwing themselves at Jackson, aren't you?" she accused, smirk in place.

"Fuck yeah, I am," I admitted.

While I had always figured myself to be the jealous type, I was starting to get pretty comfortable with the idea that Jackson and I were together, more so since the conversation we had had earlier in the day. In fact, I couldn't help but be almost smug at the fact that they wanted Jackson, and for some reason, he wanted me.

Towards the end of the set, Ashley, Xavier, and I made our way onto the floor with the rest of the audience. During their last song, we threw our arms up, sang along, and were basically acting like fools. We didn't even notice the flashes coming from the cameras as we did so.

_It's not like anybody knows who I am anyway, and both Ashley and Xavier said that they were used to it and didn't mind._

After they finished their song, went through an impromptu jam session, and had the set torn down, we all climbed into our vehicles and drove back to the hotel. It was well after 2am, but everybody was so hyped up from the show, we were all up for a while just chatting and talking about how well it had gone. Around 4am, we all parted ways and Jackson and I made our way back to his hotel room, leaving Ashley alone in hers and the Monkeys to clammer into theirs.

Before I even had a chance to set my bag down on the floor of his room, I felt Jackson's arms snake around my waist, pressing my back into his chest, and I let the smile overtake my face.

"Did you enjoy the show?" he asked, placing a kiss on my neck.

"Enh. It was alright," I replied without emotion, thankful that he couldn't see me trying to keep from laughing.

"I'm sure if I could see you, I'd be able to tell that if you're lying..." he trailed off as he kissed up and down the right side of my neck, knowing I was a sucker for it.

Moving out of his hold, I walked towards the bedroom and yawned, hoping to convey that I just didn't give a fuck. I turned my head to look back at him, catching his face of shock. I couldn't hold it in any longer and let out a loud ass laugh. I practically sprinted into the bedroom and turned my body to completely face him when I reached the far wall. I had about a second before his lips started molesting mine.

I awoke to the feeling of skin-on-skin contact. Jackson's hand had crawled underneath the bottom of my shirt and was holding me against his chest, his hand on my stomach. Placing my hand on top of his over the shirt so that I wouldn't wake him, I inwardly giggled. For some reason, at that moment, it hit me that he and I had been together for over three months. Things were great between us, and he had helped me overcome so much shit in such a small amount of time. The biggest thing of all, though, was that we still hadn't slept together. He never pushed. Not once. Not even the tiniest bit. The whole "I'm an old ass virgin" confession hadn't even taken him by surprise, but he had dealt with the situation pretty fucking well. I would have little internal freak outs every now and again about just how much a man can take of not having sex, despite the blowjobs, but he never complained. My boyfriend was blessed with the patience of a saint while I was as horny as a motherfucker. The man should've been given a fucking medal months ago.

I wanted to sleep with him. Dear _God_, I wanted to. But neither of us had said those three little precious words to one another. I knew I loved him, obviously, but I wondered if he even felt a fraction of what I did. I knew he liked me, but I didn't think he would ever love me. And if by some miracle he did, I wasn't going to be the first to spring that little news flash. Rejection and I just did not mix. Fuck that noise. It was important for me to have that in a relationship, the acknowledgement of love, before I allowed any man to boldly stick his wang where no man had gone before.

Not to say we hadn't continued fooling around. Many of our movie nights we had taken to after he got outta work the past couple of weeks had turned into all out grope sessions, some leading to touchy feeliness of the nether regions. It would always begin innocently enough when I'd find my hand in his hair, my nails massaging his scalp or his hand on my thigh. It would end with me pressed into the couch, us making out like teenagers. Most of the time, one of our phones would go off, stopping us in our tracks. We'd pant, trying to catch our breaths, before someone decided to finally move. He would often mention how he was starting to hate the banjo of my text ringtone. Other times, we'd be so blissed out from the extracurricular activities that we'd just end up falling asleep.

I was brought out of my Jackson haze when I felt his hand move from my stomach to over my hip and down my leg.

"Good morning," he said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Good _afternoon_," I stressed. "It's almost 1:30, sleepyhead," I said as I barely made out the time on the alarm clock.

"I don't care what time of day it is. It's always good when you're here," he crooned.

"Laying it on a bit thick today, aren't you?" I giggled.

Rather than reply, I felt as he nodded his head, moved my hair away from my neck, and began to trail kisses across the top of my back. His hand was still roaming up and down my leg. I sighed and shuddered at the same time, earning a chuckle from him.

"Alright, you win. You're a total smooth operator," I giggled.

"Damn straight."

"And you shall be rewarded with breakfast for lunch."

"That was my plan all along," he laughed.

After finally letting me go from his smooch-a-thon, I threw on my glasses and changed out of my boy shorts and Yankees t-shirt into some flannel bottoms and one of his wife beaters. I brushed my teeth and tried to tame my hair, only to have it end up in an epic fail. He changed outta his boxers into another pair of flannel PJ bottoms and put on some grungy shirt that was residing in the corner of his room.

After whipping up scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, a stack of plain pancakes, and was beginning to finish up a stack of chocolate chip pancakes, I asked him to round up the troops for breakfast.

"You don't always have to cook for everyone, you know."

He leaned against the counter and watched me as I ladled more pancake batter onto the griddle and slightly danced to the music playing on my iPhone.

"I know but it makes them happy, which makes me happy."

I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on his nose. "Do me a favor? We're out of coffee, and I know how you and Rob get when there's isn't enough of that around. Can you go wrangle some up from somewhere before you wake the herd?"

"That's a go, Sweet Cheeks."

He had taken to calling me silly names as time had gone and he emphasized his pet name of the morning by slapping my ass before he walked away, leaving me shrieking and giggling. He left the door to his room propped open, so that I wouldn't have to leave the chocolate chip pancakes to open it.

Kristen and I had gotten into a discussion one day about the fact that I only played Selena when I cooked, and she managed to get me to start listening to other music. I didn't wanna admit it, but I probably had more fun when the iPod was on shuffle.

As "When It Rains" by Paramore was winding down, I walked over to place the sausage and bacon on the table. As I hurried back to flip a pancake, "Superstar" by Taylor Swift had just started. Juanita, being the huge Taylor Swift fan she was, Skyped the entire album to me and insisted I listen to the whole thing with her on the phone. Standing at the stove, adding batter and flipping and plating more pancakes, I sang along. I kept reminding myself to keep an ear out for people walking in, so that I could stop singing. I may have sung in front of them and thousands of other people at the Kings of Leon concert, but I was still nowhere near comfortable with the sense of humiliation that goes with singing in public.

_This is wrong, but_

_I can't help but feel like_

_There ain't nothing more right, babe_

_Misty morning_

_Comes again and I can't_

_Help but wish I could see your face_

_I knew from the first note played, I'd be_

_Breaking all my rules to see you_

_You smile that beautiful smile_

_And all the girls in the front row_

_Scream your name_

_So dim that spotlight_

_Tell me things like_

_I can't take my eyes off of you_

_I'm no one special_

_Just another wide-eyed girl_

_Who's desperately in love with you_

_Give me a photograph_

_To hang on my wall_

_Superstar_

_Good morning, loneliness_

_Comes around when I'm not_

_Dreaming about you_

_When my world wakes up today_

_You'll be in another town_

_And I knew when I saw your face_

_I'd be counting down the ways to see you_

_And you smile that beautiful smile_

_And all the girls in the front row_

_Scream your name_

_So dim that spotlight_

_Tell me things like_

_I can't take my eyes off of you_

_I'm no one special_

_Just another wide-eyed girl_

_Who's desperately in love with you_

_Give me a photograph_

_To hang on my wall_

_Superstar_

_You played in bars_

_You play guitar_

_And I'm invisible_

_And everyone knows who you are_

_You'll never see_

_You sing me to sleep_

_Every night from the radio_

_So dim that spotlight_

_Tell me things like_

_I can't take my eyes off of you_

_I'm no one special_

_Just another wide-eyed girl_

_Who's desperately in love with you_

_Give me a photograph_

_To hang on my wall_

_Superstar_

_Sweet sweet superstar_

Superstar

The song faded out as I placed the last pancake on the plate. I grabbed it and turned around to head into the kitchen when I found Jackson, Rob, and Nikki standing in the room. Rob was carrying a large jug of Folgers. Both he and Nikki had sheepish looks on their faces, and Jackson was simply staring at me. He seemed frozen where he stood, and I started to worry that something was wrong.

"Baby, you okay?"

When he didn't answer me, I started to wig. I walked toward him and placed my hand on his forehead, wondering if he was getting sick or something. When it felt normal, I took his face in my hands.

"Houston, do we have a problem?" I asked, trying to get him to laugh or get any reaction out of him.

Finally, he smirked. I felt this weird tension thing going, but I didn't say anything about it as I took my hands off his face and stepped back.

"I thought you were going to bring back the coffee before getting everybody up," I asked more than stated.

"I had this in Kristen's room when I ran into Jackson in the hallway," Rob replied.

My eyes went back to Jackson, only to find that the dude was _still_ staring at me. Nikki had a shit-eating grin on her face, and Rob was starting to toss the Folgers thing back and forth from one hand to another.

"Babe, the food's gonna get cold. Can you finish getting everybody in here?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He nodded and then gave me a quick kiss before he left. When he was finally outta the room, I quickly grabbed the plate of pancakes and rushed to the table. I was so completely side-tracked with the weirdness that had just taken place, I almost fell flat on my face as I tripped over one of the leg chairs. The pancakes were unharmed, thank God.

"Uh, can someone tell me what the fuck just happened? Something just went down, and I'm clueless."

Rob didn't say anything, but the smirk on his face gave him away. Nikki simply squeezed my shoulder as she walked by me to get to a chair. She was still wearing that fucking grin.

Most of the cast walked in minutes later, Jackson coming in last. As they passed by me, they mumbled their greetings and thanked me for breakfast. Graupner smooshed my head into his chest in his own grateful way. I heard Kellan whoop from the dining room and even heard Rob ask if there were Hot Pockets nearby, earning another laugh from me. I was at the stove grabbing the plate of toast when Jackson and I made eye contact. Though he wasn't staring anymore, that weird tension thing was back in the air. Not knowing what to say, I tried to shuffle my way back to the table when I felt him grab my wrist. He took the plate of toast out of my hand and placed it back on the counter. I forced my eyes to his face, the confusion probably written across mine. Before I could even think of what to say to him, he grabbed me by my hips, pulled me roughly against him, and kissed me. He kissed me _hard_. This kiss was intense. There was something different about it. It literally took my breath away. My body acted on its own as my hands trailed up his chest, over his shoulders, and criss-crossed at the base of his head.

It wasn't until Taylor asked where the toast was and I heard Nikki shush him that Jackson and I broke apart. He rested his forehead against mine as we caught our breath. I looked up, meeting his green eyes, and I smiled. Despite the weirdness that was lingering around us, smiling was my automatic response when I looked at him. I placed another kiss on his lips, grabbed the toast, and walked into the room as I told Rob that Hot Pockets was not an appropriate breakfast even for him.

For the next hour, we all ate together as we had many times before, though something had definitely changed. Every minute or so, Jackson would lean over from his seat and kiss me, always on my neck, the corner of my mouth, or below my ear. I kept shooting him glances, wondering what the smooches were all about, but he simply shook his head and would go back to eating. When this would happen, everyone at the table would continue to talk but would shoot the both of us "What the fuck?" glances. Well, everyone with the exception of Rob, Nikki, and Jerad. At one point, right after Jackson had taken my left hand in his and kissed it, Rob leaned into Kristen and whispered something in her ear, effectively ridding her of the confused look. She looked at me, at Jackson, and then busted out with the biggest smile I had ever seen her sport.

_What the _fuck_ is going on?_

When everyone started to clear the table, I quickly stood and began piling the dishes on top of one another to take to the kitchen sink. Jackson, placing his hands on mine, stopped me and took the dishes out of my hands. Just as I was going to ask him what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed me. He walked away from the table into the other room, leaving me standing there and totally confused as shit. Kristen and Nikki walked up to me, Kristen giving me a side hug. Kristen was not the huggy type, so I _knew_ something was definitely up.

"We'll talk later," Kristen said as she continued to grin.

"Dude, do I have the answers to LOST written on the back of my shirt or something? What the hell is going on?" I practically yelled.

"Later," Nikki replied.

The three of us finished clearing the table and took the rest of the dirty dishes and utensils into the kitchen area. There, I found Rob whispering something to Ashley. When she busted out with the same grin Kristen had, the all-knowing light bulb going off in _her _head, I nearly flipped out. She turned her head to look at me, cocked it to one side, placed her hand over her heart, and walked out, smile still in place.

"Everybody's lost their fucking mind," I mumbled as I started washing the dishes. Jackson, who was standing to the left of me with the drying rag in hand, snickered. I was so freaked the fuck out over what was going on, I didn't even turn to look at him. I felt him move closer to me, and I immediately stopped washing. I felt his right hip bump into my left. With all the immaturity I could muster, I bumped his hip back. He responded by returning my bump. And that is how we went on for the next fifteen minutes, eventually laughing like little kids, while I finished washing the dishes and he dried them.

"Do you have anything to do today before we all have dinner tonight?" he asked.

I shook my head as I grabbed a rag and a bottle of cleaning spray and headed towards the table.

"Nope. Do you? Do you have to meet up with the boys or something?" I turned to look at him as I wiped away the crumbs.

"Nope. You wanna do something?" he asked, leaning into the doorway.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

He walked over to me, took the rag and bottle out of my hands, placed them on the table, and kissed me.

_I don't know what the hell's going on, but I could sure get used to this._

After he broke away, he replied.

"You, me, the bed…"

_Did I just fucking get propositioned? By my own boyfriend?_

"Is this your slick way of asking for a blowjob?" I laughed. "Subtle. Real subtle."

He gave me another kiss as he laughed.

"I thought we could just stay in bed. Maybe watch some of those movies you brought over last weekend."

He kissed me again and walked into the bedroom, leaving me standing in place. When he realized I hadn't followed him, he walked back and took me by the hand, leading me to the bed. He put in some random movie and climbed in next to me.

I couldn't tell you what movies we watched that day, because I wasn't paying any fucking attention. What I _do_ remember is that he was constantly touching me. His hands would always be on some part of my body. He would constantly lean over and kiss me. He would absently play with my hair. Sometimes, he would simply pause the movie and we'd go at it for a while. We stayed in bed "watching movies" until 7pm, only ending our marathon because we had to get ready for dinner with the group an hour later.

I had taken to staying over in his room more often than I was staying at the house. He always insisted that I stay when he realized how late it had gotten and that he didn't want me driving all the way back to the house so late at night. Half of my clothes had ended up in his room, too. He had even gone out and bought Pantene for me when he noticed that the hotel shampoo he always used was leaving my hair tangled when I got out of the shower. I didn't know if this was something he had done with previous girlfriends or if this was as new to him as it was to me. I wanted to ask, but I was still too chicken shit to say anything.

Getting ready with Jackson in the room always proved to me that we probably woulda made great figure skating partners. It was like we had to choreograph ourselves. I had never been naked in front of a guy before, and though I loved him, I didn't think I was ready to go there with him yet. Despite the progress of the past weeks and him constantly telling me how beautiful he thought I was, I still wasn't comfortable with myself. So our routine was like a dance. I'd hop in the shower first, knowing that it took me forever to get ready sometimes. He would hop in right after me, and I'd quickly get dressed in the bedroom, praying to God that he wouldn't walk in and catch me half-naked. As he would walk into the bedroom to get changed, I'd run back to the bathroom to brush and style my hair. He'd then go back into the bathroom as I was leaving it, so I could do my make-up in the living room by the window. That night's routine was no different.

As I finished my make-up, Jackson walked in from the bedroom saying that Ashley still wasn't ready, but she'd be by in less than ten minutes. I laughed as I stood up and walked into the bedroom, looking for my purse. As I was stuffing my iPhone and keys into it, I felt my hair move away from my neck and Jackson's lips start to trail kisses on my shoulder. I leaned back into him, just letting myself get lost for the moment. When I couldn't take it anymore, I turned around and moved him so his legs were against the side of the bed and kissed him with everything I had. As I pulled on his hair, he had one hand on my lower back and the other on my neck, pushing us closer. When we finally pulled away from one another to breathe and he began kissing along my collar bone, I took the opportunity to push him on the bed. Sitting up and resting on his elbows, he looked up at me and smirked.

"Now," I began. "Not that I mind it in the slightest," I continued, rolling my eyes and looking smug, "but what is up with the world of PDA you've been handing out today?"

I straddled him, placing a knee on either side of his body and letting most of my weight rest on his thighs. He snaked his arms around my waist as I let my hands fall on his shoulders.

"Do I need a reason to make out with you?" he replied with a chuckle.

Before I could answer, he began moving his hands up and down my sides while he kissed my throat.

"Good answer," I breathed heavily.

Just then, both of our cell phones went off. We groaned in unison and then laughed. I climbed off of him and helped him up, noticing that he had to, ahem, adjust himself before he followed me out of the bedroom. It sucked that there wasn't any time to help him take care of his "problem."

When I was just about to reach the front door, I felt a tug on my purse. I watched it fall to the floor before I felt myself get thrown up against the wall. Out of nowhere, Jackson was kissing me, kissing me like a hungry man on a Christmas ham. Using both hands, I fisted the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to me.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

We stayed that way for a few minutes until I felt his hand go down my waist and thigh, stopping behind my knee. He hitched it up over his hip and ground into me. I whimpered. I actually fucking whimpered into his mouth. I guess that was all the encouragement he needed, because he then grabbed my ass with both his hands and hoisted me up. My legs automatically went around his waist and locked behind his back. He pushed me back against the wall, our kiss never broken, with his hands still on my ass. I shifted my hips, needing to feel some sort of friction. I both heard and felt him moan into my mouth. It reminded me of the kitchen incident, but that moan was still the fucking hottest thing I had ever heard.

_Why am I not letting him inside my pants, again?_

Just as I was ready to drag him back into the bedroom and forget every reason as to why I wasn't sleeping with him yet, there was a knock on the door.

"Let's go! Peter's threatening to post candid pics of everyone on his Twitter account if we don't get a move on soon," Ashley yelled through the front door, causing us to pull away from one another.

"We'll be right out," Jackson replied, his voice deep and husky.

I liked the sound of it. It gave me the tinglies.

"We should get going. I don't want the studio to have to start explaining why Kellan was face first into the hallway carpet or why Kristen was throwing Monopoly money at Nikki last week," I joked as I panted into his neck.

"Gimme a minute," was all I heard him say.

After a couple of minutes, he pulled us away from the wall and I let my legs unlock. I slid down his body, his hands guiding me down to the floor. I bent down to pick up my purse and everything that had fallen out of it, hiding my reddened face from him because I couldn't help but blush at the fact that he was still so into the lustiness of being with me. I stood and began walking to the door. When I didn't hear his footsteps behind me, I looked back and found Jackson leaning with his back against the wall and his eyes closed, his chest still heaving.

"Babe? You okay?"

I couldn't hide the hint of cockiness in my voice when I saw that he was proving that things were _definitely _bigger in Texas. Well, at least in this case.

He opened his eyes and straightened up. When he made eye contact, he broke out into a smile. He walked over to me and placed the lightest of kisses on my lips.

"Yep," he replied, his lips still against mine. "I'm just not ready for the teasing when we leave this room."

"Teasing?"

"You're lips are swollen as fuck," he smirked. "And there's not really much doubt as to what we might've been doing thanks to my pants."

"Please," I laughed. "The only person who would dare say anything is Kellan, and he knows better. Besides, if he _does_ decide to go there, I'll just up the ante with the next prank."

He laughed as I opened the door and we made our way to the elevator. As we headed out to the company cars, everyone explained to me how getting into the restaurant would work without being detected by the paparazzi. It was my first time going out with them as a giant group, one that included Rob and Kristen, and they knew that I was worried I'd be papped.

When we arrived at the Water St. Cafe, Jackson and I got outta the cars and kept the PDA non-existent. I sat at the table, away from Rob, Kristen, and Jackson, and tried to enjoy my dinner without worrying so much that I'd be photogged and be asked who I was or what I was doing with the crew.

After we finished up and got in the cars, Rob got a call from Nick saying that pics from the dinner were already making their way onto the internet. I hopped onto Twitter to find that they had made it onto the Rob sites already. Luckily for me, I wasn't in any of the ones that were posted. Most, if not all, of the pics had Rob and Peter in them. I checked the interwebs the entire ride back to the hotel and was pretty okay with the fact that I hadn't been caught. It still didn't make me any less pissed off that the crew couldn't even go out to dinner without having its photo taken.

Once we made it back to the hotel, Jackson was back to being all over me. I didn't get where it was coming from, but I sure as fuck wasn't going to question it anymore.

I woke up the next morning feeling really fucking happy. I guess the way Jackson had been hands on with me the past couple of days had really worked a number on my mood. I stretched, my arms going over my head, only to be pulled onto my side suddenly. I giggled when Jackson pulled me forward enough so that he could bury his face into my neck, his hands roaming from my back down to my ass.

"Someone's in a good mood," I laughed.

He hummed his response as he squeezed my ass and then moved his kisses from my neck to my mouth. Happy that he wasn't wearing a shirt, I let my hands roam over his chest and allowed myself to get lost in the kiss. He moved his mouth away from my lips and started trailing kissing down my neck as he pushed one of his legs between the both of mine and pushed upward against my hooha.

"Good God! What has gotten into you lately?" I giggled.

"I'm requesting that you stop the talking and get back to the kissing," he mumbled against my collarbone.

I noticed that Little Bone was up and at 'em, and as much as I wanted to give him some attention, I seriously needed to hop in the shower.

"Request denied, punk. I smell and need to get cleaned up."

I gave him a kiss and then pulled away suddenly. I watched as he flopped onto his back and groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

"Babe?"

He turned to look at me, and with my most innocent face and voice, I spoke.

"You might wanna take care of that while I'm getting cleaned up," I teased, pointing to his crotch.

He looked down, looked at me, and then reached for a pillow. I ran into the bathroom laughing as I felt it hit my back.

I quickly showered and got into a clean, oversized shirt. I didn't bother with pants since the shirt went down to my knees, but I did put on some cute boy shorts just in case. When I got outta the bathroom, his royal smirkiness was getting off of his cell.

"Booty call?" I joked.

"That was Jerad. He wants us all to meet up at a bar where we're playing at in a few weeks to go over some details with the owner and sound people."

"When do you have to go?" I sorta pouted, feeling silly that he had to go even though we spent almost all of our time together.

"Not until after lunch."

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand, thankful it was barely past 10am.

"Okay. You wanna hop in the shower while I make breakfast?"

"Why don't you just order room service? It's faster, and there's no clean up," he yelled through the bathroom door.

As he showered, I called room service and got him an omelet that had as many dead animals in it as possible and the largest available cup of coffee they had. Knowing him, I ordered two. Since room service didn't have Fruit Loops, I made my way over to the cupboard and found my emergency box. As I pulled it out, I noticed that over the double "O" in "Froot," the letters "UI" were written. I stared at the box, knowing that I hadn't done it and I absolutely didn't bring it from home.

"What's wrong?"

I looked up and tried not to swoon as I saw Jackson in a pair of jeans and nothing else. He was without a shirt, barefoot, and totally delectable.

"Um," I started, trying to get myself back together. "Did you write this?"

I turned the box so he could see the front and pointed at the writing.

He smirked and nodded his head.

"Why?"

"Isn't that how you have them at the house?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. I figured if it was important for you to do them to the other boxes, I'd do it to the one you keep here."

_I love you._

"Oh," I replied, turning around and grabbing a bowl and a spoon.

"Why do you do that, by the way?"

"What? Change it from two 'O's to 'UI?'"

"Yeah."

"I like to pretend that there's actual fruit involved and not just mass amounts of sugar," I chuckled as I reached for my soy milk in the fridge.

"Oh, my God," he mumbled as he walked back into the bedroom, causing me to laugh.

His food arrived a few minutes later, and he smiled like a kid on Christmas when he realized that I had not only ordered him food with enough dead animal to cause a heart attack but that he had two large cups of coffee.

As he situated his food on his plate, I walked over to the living room and sat on the coffee table, doing my best not to spill my cereal as I maneuvered my legs to rest on the end of the couch. He came over and sat across from me, placing his plate in his lap and digging in. I reached for the laptop at the other end of the coffee table. I trolled my Facebook page as I somewhat danced in my seat and hummed Kelly Clarkson's "I Want You," my feet tapping in rhythm against the cushion.

I guess I was in a much better mood than I realized if I was actually humming in front of Jackson without having a panic attack.

After a few minutes of alternating between eating my cereal and looking at the computer, I looked up to see what Jackson was doing since he had been unbelievably quiet.

He was staring at me with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I said, looking down at myself and wondering if I'd managed to spill milk on me. When I didn't see anything, I looked back at him and saw that his smirk had gotten bigger.

"What?" I whined.

"Nothing," he laughed.

"Weirdo," I mumbled, letting a small smile slip as I went back to the laptop.

When I was finally done with it, I leaned over to put it at the other end of the coffee table where I had found it, only to spill milk on the front of my shirt.

"Christ on a futon!"

I put the bowl down and stared at the mess I'd made. As I was about to get up, I noticed that Jackson was smirking _again_.

"Seriously, dude. What?"

I went from curious to playfully annoyed when his smirk turned into a full on smile. I shook my head as I got off the coffee table and walked toward the kitchen sink to grab some napkins.

"I'm starting to wonder if you've been invaded by a pod person," I teased as I settled back onto the coffee table and grabbed my cereal, throwing the napkins in his face and laughing.

I was extra careful as I raised the spoon, and when I looked down and realized that I had managed to eat my loops without spilling any more on myself, I smiled and nodded. The next couple of spoonfuls went the same way.

Just as I was eating my last four or five loops, Jackson finally spoke up.

"I love you."

* * *

_**Estoy boracha a la chingada - I'm drunk as fuck**_

_**Bueno bueno - Hello hello**_

_**Hola, Abuelita - Hi, Grandma**_

_**Dios sabe que una muchacha fea no tiene las oportunidades en amor que otras mujeres guapas tienen - Lord know that an ugly girl doesn't have the same opportunities in love as beautiful women**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's neck smooches: They make me giggle and give me the tinglies.**


	21. Love Story

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / bjRSzk  
**

* * *

"I'm sorry. I just hallucinated. What did you say?"

Shocked as fuck didn't even cover what the hell I felt.

Jackson smirked and finally just laughed. And it was in that laugh that I got it. I got the weird tension thing. I got the smooches and the PDA. I got the smirks and the smiles and the whole making me happy thing.

I smiled like a kid on Christmas.

"Did you - man who writes on cereal boxes for the sake of making me happy - tell me - girl who gives you the Obama car because she loves to see you smile - that you love me?"

"I did."

I pressed my lips together and did my best to just not fucking squee in his face.

"Move the omelet," I said, gesturing the plate in his lap.

"What?" he laughed.

"Move. The. Omelet."

I watched as he continued to smile, though he looked ridiculously confused. Slowly, he moved the plate off his lap and placed it on the cushion next to him. The moment his hand left the plate, I sprung like a fucking grasshopper. I leapt off the coffee table and jumped into his lap.

I made a mental note to apologize to his junk later.

"You serious?" I smiled.

"Not at all," he chuckled. "I was actually just expressing my feelings for the omelet you won't let me finish."

"I see," I pretended to ponder. "I could leave the room and let you two have a moment."

Before he could answer, I kissed him. Okay, it wasn't really so much a kiss as an episode in mouth-fucking. I moved so that I could straddle him and then raised myself up a little bit, so I could tip his head back.

When I finally pulled away, I hugged his neck.

"In case you couldn't tell, that my way of saying that I love you, too," I panted.

And then we just kinda sat there for a bit as I hugged his neck and he rubbed my back. After a couple of minutes, I let go of his neck and sat back, smiling like a fucking loon even though I tried not to.

"I'm not being punk'd, am I?"

"No," he laughed. "But Ashton Kutcher? Really?"

"Oh, well, he's always been the one I pictured when I told the gazillion dudes before you that I loved them," I dramatically replied before rolling my eyes.

I propped myself outta his lap and leaned over as far as I could to look into the bedroom, wondering how much time I had left with him before he had to meet the guys. Of course, I almost ended up falling over the side of the couch.

Grace. Yep, that's my name.

When I managed to situate myself back into his lap, I gave him my most serious face. He tried not to laugh at me, which totally negated my attempt.

"So, um, how long have you felt this way?" I asked shyly.

"Do you wanna play Twenty Questions again?" he chuckled.

"No, no. Just straightforward."

"A while. It didn't really hit until yesterday morning, though."

"Is that what that craziness was all about?"

"Yeah."

"It was the pancakes, wasn't it? The chocolate chips took you down," I giggled.

"There was that," he laughed, "but there was also the singing."

"Huh?"

"You were making breakfast and singing."

"Shit on a stick! You heard that? How much?"

"Quite a bit."

"Oh, crap," I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Nope. Don't do that," he said. "Open 'em up."

I felt as his hands cupped my face, and then I was too blissed out to even think about having a panic attack.

"You were just so… happy. And then I heard _what_ you were singing, and it hit me."

I nodded and smiled, because that's all I really could do.

"And you?" he asked.

"It kinda crept up on me during Sal's sex interrogation—"

"Wait. What?" he asked, his eyes almost popping outta their sockets.

"Nuh-uh. Long story. I'll tell you later. Anyway, it hit me when I was in New York. I thought I was just _really_ missing you, but…" I shrugged.

"I really missed you, too," he said.

He brought me closer to him and started kissing my neck. His hands moved from my back down to my waist, my own hands covering his.

Then, even though I shouldn't have thought it, I did.

"Babe?"

His answer was a hum against my skin.

"This isn't - I don't know - a strategy to get into my pants, is it?"

He abruptly stopped and pulled away from me. He leaned back against the couch, looking confused again. I realized he wore this look a lot when in my presence. Then, his face lit up.

"Baby Girl, I've already gotten into your pants," he laughed, wagging his eyebrows.

"You know what I mean," I said as I rolled my eyes. "I'm talking junk to junk contact here. You're not just saying it, right?"

He let out a sigh, one that I had become quite familiar with because it usually accompanied the look of confusion. His grip on my hips got a little tighter, and then his mood shifted from exasperated to playful again.

"Believe me. We're gonna get naked…" he smirked, his eyes leaving mine as his words trailed off.

I watched as they went from my face to my chest and further south. He was still smirking, and then I was smirking at his smirk. It was a smirk fest. I continued to watch as his eyes moved over my body, not making any eye contact with me.

When his hands squeezed my ass, I looked away from him and smiled. I managed to compose myself and then tapped his hands with mine, trying to get his attention.

"Hey, Grabby McPervy, eyes up here," I said, trying to sound serious.

I gave him that eyes-to-eyes gesture with two of my fingers, which made us both laugh.

"When you're ready," he smiled, answering my question. "You're also going to need to clear your schedule for a few days once it happens."

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Because there's no way in hell I'm letting you out of bed," he smirked.

"Is that right?" I smiled, throwing my arms around his neck and adjusting myself in his lap.

"Mm-hmm."

He leaned forward and kissed me, effectively starting one of our greatest make-out sessions to date. It wasn't the type where I wanted to eat his face. It was simple and slow and full of… love.

It got even better when he started moving me so I was lying down on the couch. I was totally aware that I wasn't wearing pants and he wasn't wearing a shirt. I guess he realized it, too, because after a bit, his hands started moving from my hips and down to the hem of my shirt. He slowly started to raise it and had gotten it up far enough that I could feel the skin of body against my stomach. I was practically hyperventilating at that point. It wasn't that I was freaked out at what he was doing or how far we were going. It was that it felt fucking _fantastic_.

I tried not to let the idea that, no matter how much Jackson told me otherwise, I still felt like I looked like Pizza The Hut from _Spaceballs_. Part of me holding back on having all of the sex with Jackson was because I wasn't comfortable with my body. I didn't have any doubts about him or us. I was doubting my ability to keep him from vomiting once he saw me naked.

I lost all train of thought when Jackson moved his mouth to my neck and started working his way down as his hand gripped my waist underneath my shirt. I let my fingers lightly tug on his hair before I moved them down his arms.

He pulled away and smiled at me. I smiled back, and before I could do anything else, there was a sound at the door as if someone was pounding their fists against it.

"Oh, come on!" I yelled.

Jackson settled his face in the crook of my neck and laughed.

"You think this is funny?"

I shoved him off of me and went straight for the door. I swung it open and came face-to-face with a cheesy-grinned Graupner. Normally, I would've done anything for the dude but he'd just interrupted an awesome moment.

It took half a second before he got a hold of the look on my face, and then his eyes widened when Jackson's laughter rang out from behind me. He looked at me, looked down, and then covered his eyes with his hand before turning around and mumbling something.

"Oh, no. You _will _face my wrath, dude," I said as I tried to remove his hand from his face.

He kept swatting at me, trying to get me to leave him alone, but I wasn't having any of that. The beanpole may have been more than a foot taller than me, but I had no problem jumping on his back and making him pay for interrupting whatever the hell was about to happen between Jackson and I, if that's what it took.

"Baby Girl?"

"You should start auditioning new band members, Jackson! This one's gonna have difficulty playing anything with only one hand."

I continued to fight with Gruapner until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see Jackson chuckling at me.

"What the hell is so funny?" I huffed.

He pulled me back into the room and closed the door slightly as the rest of the Monkeys had gathered around the door.

"I think he's more worried about the fact that you don't have any pants on than he is about your wrath."

I looked down at myself, looked up at Jackson with what I'm sure was a sheer look of panic on my face, and then heard the rest of the Monkeys burst out into laughter from the hallway.

"Shit!"

I ran back into the bedroom and threw on the first pair of sweatpants I could find, yelling at Graupner that my lack of pants was the only thing that saved him. I walked back to the door slightly calmer when I remembered that my shirt had gone down to my knees but still ready to turn my embarrassment into a Graupner fake fist fight.

"You decent?" Jackson chuckled.

"Funny. Real funny."

He left to go put on a shirt and shoes, and I had the hilarious task of trying to get Graupner to look me in the eye again. I resorted to putting my fingers on his eyelids and holding them up, so he couldn't even blink. The rest of the Monkeys were having a field day with our little exchange.

"Dinner at the house tonight?"

"Depends," Benny answered, giving me a serious face. "What's on the menu?"

"_Tostadas_," I said, imitating him.

"It'll be like a party in my mouth," Graupner said, causing me to roll my eyes and laugh.

When Jackson made it back to the door, the boys headed toward the elevator. I asked them to pick up some beer for dinner as they walked away from Jackson and I.

"I'm gonna head back to the house. Be there at six for food?"

"Got it."

He leaned in and kissed me.

"Love you."

"Love you, too," he replied.

It should've shocked me that we were so casual with it. It didn't, though. It was almost like we'd been saying it forever. I guess we were just _that_ comfortable with one another.

I heard some commotion and looked over to the boys who were just kinda staring. Jerad, on the other hand, was smiling like he just won the fucking lottery.

"You knew!" I yelled at him, teasing.

"Knew what?" he joked.

"You know… Knew. _Knew_."

"I know nothing. You can ask my wife," he laughed.

I snorted and then playfully shoved Jackson toward them.

"You better go before he starts making googly eyes at us," I snickered.

He quickly kissed me again before he got into the elevator. I noticed Graupner's face, the one where he was just _itching_ to say something, and then gave him the evil eye before he could. He started laughing just as the elevator doors were shutting.

I walked back into his hotel room and immediately went for my phone.

_I have a boyfriend. – Iris_

_Yeah…? – Suzy_

_I have a boyfriend who loves me. :P – Iris_

She immediately called me, and I relayed all of the mushy details for her. I didn't stay on the phone long, though. I wanted to clean up the mess I had left in the living room and then make my way back to the house, so I could clean there. When I finally got to the house, I ended up going straight my lyric notebook, however. I wrote and wrote until the fucking smile I was sporting threatened to split my face in two.

I was halfway through making the _tostadas_, jamming out to the music blaring through the house speakers, when I heard the front door open. I looked over and saw the boys playfully arguing with each other. I couldn't help but giggle as I went back to frying the ground beef. The boys made themselves at home, placing the beer they carried in with them into the freezer and joking about something that had happened at the bar. Jackson made his way over to me, kissed my temple, and then wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

We all made small talk before Benny and Graupner headed into the game room to go play pool. Jackson moved his way over to the piano in the living room and began playing, adding his own feel to the songs coming from my iPod.

"Can you teach me?"

"Hmm?"

I looked up to find Jerad standing next to me, staring at the ground beef as it sizzled.

"Teach me how to make what you're making? It'd freak Kristina out if I came home one day and made her dinner."

"Are you the take-out king?" I laughed.

"Not usually. Kristina does all the cooking, but I'd like to surprise her and give her a night off."

"Awww. You just earned cool points with me," I teased.

I had him shredding cheese while I told him how much of what he needed and the order it needed to be done in. He seemed to grab most of what I was saying, but I thought it would be better if I just gave him some note cards for the recipe, just in case. As I was showing him how to dice the tomatoes, I looked up and made eye contact with Jackson. He was still playing, though he was smiling like a creeper at me. I snorted but gave into my gooey emotions when I giggled.

"Young love," Uncle Larry said, smiling as he looked between Jackson and I.

"No teasing, Uncle!" I said, blushing while I pointed my knife at him.

Jackson and Jerad broke out into laughter.

Just as I was shredding the lettuce, I heard the guitar intro from one of my favorite songs come through the speakers.

"Oooh! Babe, can you turn that up for me?"

Jackson chuckled and then moved over to turn up the volume.

_Oh, my baby, when you're older  
Maybe then you'll understand  
You have angels to dance around your shoulders  
'Cause at times in life you need a helping hand_

_Oh, my baby, when you're prayin  
Leave your burden by my door  
You have Jesus standing at your bedside  
To keep you calm, keep you safe,  
Away from harm_

_Worry not my daughters,  
Worry not my sons  
Child, when life don't seem worth livin  
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms_

_Oh, my baby, when you're cryin  
Never hide your face from me  
'cause I have conquered hell and driven out the demons  
I have come with a light to set you free_

_Worry not my daughters,  
Worry not my sons  
Child, when life don't seem worth livin  
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms_

_Oh, oh  
Oh, oh  
Yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Oh, my baby, when you're dying  
Believe the healing of His hand  
Here in Heaven we will wait for your arrival  
Here in Heaven you will finally understand  
Here in Heaven we will wait for your arrival  
Here in Heaven you will finally understand_

_Worry not my daughters,  
Worry not my sons  
Child, when life don't seem worth livin  
Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms_

I sighed and opened my eyes, realizing then that I was actually clutching the head of lettuce to my chest.

I heard a throat clear and I looked up to find Benny and Graupner hanging out at the top of the stairs to the basement, smiling right at me. Jackson and Uncle Larry were leaning against the piano, pretty much sharing the same facial expressions as the Bens. Jerad wasn't looking at me, concentrating on the tomatoes still, but I could tell he was wearing a smile that could easily rival Jackson's creepy evil smirk.

"I was singing out loud, wasn't I?" I choked out.

I didn't take my eyes off of Jackson, waiting for him to confirm what I was dreading. When he nodded, I instantly felt the chunks rise in my throat.

"Can I use any kind of tomatoes, or do you think I should go with specific ones?"

I looked over at Jerad, knowing full well he was trying to distract me, and nodded.

"Um…" I began shakily. "Romas are probably easier to work with."

He continued to ask me the stupidest questions about the most random things as the boys grabbed plates and moved them over to the dining table. After a couple of minutes of giving him the names of several cheese he could use for the dish, I was somewhat back to normal.

"Thank you," I whispered to Jerad, thankful that the rest of the boys were sitting at the table and couldn't hear me.

Jerad laughed a little and then soothingly rubbed my back. We grabbed our finally finished lettuce and tomatoes and joined the table to eat.

Dinner went by as normal as possible, and I was thankful as fuck that nobody brought up my impromptu karaoke moment. The guys talked about the future shows they had planned and how Marty claimed to be out doing work at that moment but was probably trying to score chicks with the banana suit.

After getting Graupner cleaned up - he'd managed to spill most of the _tostada_ toppings on his shirt - the boys thanked me as they made their way out to whatever car they were driving.

"Are you coming over tonight?" Jackson asked as moved his lips from my mouth to my neck.

"You have work in the morning?"

"I have to be on set at six."

"Then I probably shouldn't. I'll be over for dinner, though."

"Okay," he mumbled.

After a stellar kiss, he finally made his way down the porch steps and into the car. I closed the door and then blasted all the happy music I could find on my iPod until it was time to go to bed.

The next couple of days were filled with watching movies, writing lyrics, and learning new meals to make from The Food Network until Jackson and the crew got back from filming. The girls and I eventually talked about the fact that they had left me to my own devices by not telling me the deal with Jackson that past Saturday morning. They all claimed their innocence, though I knew better. I couldn't even pretend to be somewhat angry with them. I was too happy. Our conversation was mostly about how they were happy that Jackson and I were happy.

Thursday afternoon, I received a 911 text from Kellan. When I called him, though, it was simply about him wanting me to make some dessert for him. The fact that he had me worried and he showed no signs of remorse led me to think it was time to pull another prank. Dimples needed to be reminded of who the boss was.

I drove to the bookstore, needing to get the one essential item that would make or break the prank I had in mind, and then headed to the grocery store.

I had maybe an hour or so before everyone was scheduled to come back to the hotel so I started on the dessert first, making sure that it was ready and presentable for Kellan when he walked in. I wanted that dude salivating. It would only make the prank that much funnier.

I kept dinner simple that night, only making spaghetti with meatballs, a salad, and breadsticks. Jackson came back to the room as goofy as possible when he saw I had made dinner. Everyone else filed in a few minutes later, interrupting - yet again - another one of our make out sessions.

Kellan saw the dessert, and I internally giggled as his eyes bugged.

"It looks good. Now, what is it?"

"_Flan_. Don't question it. You'll love it," I smirked.

Jackson noticed the smirk on my face and gave me a questioning look, but I simply shook my head. He'd understand later. They all would.

We sat around and ate, me all the while antsy as shit because I was so ready to get the prank on. I may or may not have randomly giggled at certain points. When everyone was about done, I asked Jackson to help me clear the table. When we had all the dishes gathered, we placed them in the sink and then I hauled his ass over to the bedroom so I could take the book out of my Mariah bag. He looked at the cover and did this cough/choke thing when he looked behind him into the kitchen and saw the _flan_.

"You didn't… Did you?" he whispered.

"I slipped into your room last night, got down to business, and collected the contents while you slept," I replied sarcastically. "No, you dork. I just want him to think you, uh, participated."

Before I could continue, Jackson attacked my mouth. It was so forceful, I almost lost my balance. As soon as I got my act together, though, he pulled away.

"This is going to be fucking phenomenal. Do you need me to do anything?"

"Um, well," I started, trying to get my wits about me. "Just play the part. Do what you just did all during dessert, actually. The dirtier we are, the more he'll believe it."

"Got it."

We walked back into the kitchen area and got everyone's dessert onto plates. Since there were so many people at the table, Jackson and I had to head back and grab more slices. I took this time to lovingly place the book right next to the flan. Jackson and I both laughed at just how eerily similar it looked to the one on the cover. We composed ourselves and walked back in.

I was a whore. Okay, not really, but the way Jackson and I were all over each other during dessert was shameful. I'd bite his earlobe, he'd lick my neck, I'd tug his hair, he'd grab my ass. We made out like we were in the backseat of a car at a drive-in movie. I was bordering between sitting in Jackson's lap, riding him like a bucking bronco, and being thoroughly embarrassed at my behavior. I kept myself in check, though, and managed to keep from bursting out into hysterical laughter as everyone eyed the two of us and probably wondered whether we were going to get naked on the dining room table right in front of them.

By the time Kellan was done with his dessert, I had my legs in Jackson's lap and my arms around his neck.

"How was it?" I asked innocently.

"It was really good," he replied, speaking slowly and eyeing me suspiciously.

"It should be. Jackson helped."

I turned to Jackson and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"You want another piece?" I asked, though I really wasn't looking at Kellan when I spoke.

"Yeah. I'll get it myself, though. You look really comfortable."

"M'kay," I hummed.

I watched as he slid his chair back and took his plate into the kitchen. The moment he was outta view, Jackson and I collapsed into a fit of laughter, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nikki asked, raising her fork at us.

"Just… Just wait for it," I gasped.

It took about two seconds before we heard a plate fall on the carpet and Kellan yell out.

"Dear God, tell me you didn't!"

He came running back into the room holding the book in his hands and sporting the _most_ horrified look I'd ever seen. Everyone took a second to realize what he was holding, a book titled _Natural Harvest: A Collection Of Semen-Based Recipes_, looked back at us, and then spit whatever food they had out onto their plates. Kellan dropped the book onto the table and grabbed a napkin, doing his best to clean his tongue off.

I couldn't hold it in any longer and let out the loudest cackle known to man. Jackson slumped forward and banged his hands on the table as he laughed along with me. I managed to glance a look at everyone at the table and shook my head at them as I saw the question in their eyes. The moment they realized that they were _not_ in fact eating Jackson's jizz, they started to laugh and throw random items from the table at the two of us.

"You two are fucking sick!" Kristen laughed.

"That was bloody brilliant," Rob chuckled.

"That's what happens when you send me a 911 text and make me think something is really wrong when all you want is dessert," I said, glaring at Kellan.

"_That_ got me _this_?" he asked, his eyes huge.

"Well, I needed something big. And really, who am I to neglect the nutritional value of semen?" I laughed.

"Burn the book, Iris."

I looked up to find Peter looking oh-so seriously at me.

"What? Why?" I whined.

"I don't even want to think about the damage you could cause with that book in your hands. Please, just… Just burn it," he shuddered.

"Come on, Kellan. You're helping me clean up," I said, finally getting up outta my chair.

"What are you talking about? I'm the victim here," he argued.

"You deserved it."

We would've kept arguing, but Peter and Kristen took over clean up duty. I was teasing Kellan about the faces he had made when my phone rang. I must've made a face of my own when I denied the call.

"Who was that?" Jackson whispered.

"Just my mom. I'm not ready to talk to her since she ventured into enemy lines."

Friday was filled with ignoring her phone calls, too. I knew I needed to pretend I was mature and talk to her, but I was still pissed. I get that my grandmother could do no wrong in her eyes, but I needed her to realize that I wasn't related to Satan just because I wasn't the beauty queen she wanted.

Jackson and I stayed up late Friday night at my place after we had all watched a movie. Everyone was ridiculously tired, so they ended up going home right after. I was squeeing with horny joy when Jackson said he was staying over.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing.

"No. No, shut it off," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Baby Girl, I love you, but I'll do some serious damage to your phone if you don't make it stop."

"_You_ make it stop."

"Fine."

I quickly reached over to the nightstand and put on my glasses. I watched as he reached over me, taking everything in me not to lick him as he was without a shirt, and grabbed my phone.

"It's your mom," he sighed.

"This is the time you turn off my phone."

"You should talk to her."

"And start my day off with an argument? I'd rather not. I say we start it off with a little groping and then some omelets," I giggled, wagging my eyebrows.

He laughed, but before any touching could begin, my phone rang again. I sighed and finally just took the phone from his hands.

"Hello?" I grumbled.

"_Porque no me has llamado?_"

"Good morning to you, too, mom. How am I? Oh, I'm just fine," I sarcastically replied.

I got outta bed and walked outta the room. I wasn't sure what the convo would entail but I knew it would probably end up being ugly. I sat at the top of the stairs and pulled my Yankees sleep shirt over my knees.

"Where have you been?"

"Here, mom. Where else would I be?"

"Why are you so grumpy?"

"Because it's 8am, you just woke me up, and I'm really upset with you still," I huffed.

"For what?"

"Mom, it's too early to hash this out. I don't wanna start my day off like this."

"_Que quiere decir _'hash?'"

"It means I don't wanna fight with you right now."

"Why does it have to be a fight?"

"Because I'm pissed at you!" I yelled. "Why did you give _abuelita_ the number to the house? You know I don't like talking to her, because she never has anything nice to say to me. I'm sick of hearing how I don't measure up to her standards. I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough or thin enough or robot enough to just go with whatever she says. I know you didn't raise me to have a mind of my own, but I have one. I'm sorry if I think that going to school is important. I'm sorry that I don't wanna be barefoot and pregnant while I wait on my husband."

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked over and realized that Jackson had planted himself next to me on the stairs. I guess I was so caught up in the phone call, I didn't hear him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him, thoroughly embarrassed that he was hearing that shit.

"_Con quien hablas_?" Mom asked, her voice getting that suspicious tone only mothers know how to use.

"With Jackson," I sighed.

She got really quiet for a second before she spoke again.

"Why is he there at eight in the morning?"

I was _so_ not ready to have a sex talk with my mother on the phone while my boyfriend sat next to me.

"Because we're gonna have breakfast. I have to go. He brought bagels," I lied.

"Do you want bagels?" he whispered, slightly chuckling.

I elbowed him but managed a laugh.

"Mom, I'm hanging up now. We'll talk later when I'm more awake and less grumpy."

"_Bueno_."

"I'm sorry I yelled," I mumbled.

"Me, too. _Me duelen los oidos_," she laughed.

Mom rarely laughed, so I couldn't help but get this big cheesy smile on my face.

"Bye, mom," I said, pretending to exasperated.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I was seriously embarrassed at having Jackson hear what just went down. I didn't even try looking at him, pretty fucking positive that my face was red. I'm sure it went great with my morning funk and the wacked out hairstyle I probably had.

"Omelets or bagels?"

I finally looked over at Jackson and smiled when I saw his.

"I'm proud of you," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, still aware of the fact that I needed to brush the stink outta my mouth.

"I love you."

We had breakfast sans bagels, because I didn't want him to leave me just for food. We got showered, dressed, and ready to head over to the hotel despite not having anything to do that day. Jackson's phone rang the minute we got off the elevator, so I told him I was heading to Kristen's room for a smoke. I heard music coming from the other side of the door and thought twice about knocking, but Jackson had already walked into his room and I wanted to give him some privacy. I didn't know if Nikki or Ashley were around, so I forged ahead and knocked. The music stopped and Kristen answered her door, letting me in and joining me when I said I needed a cig. Rob kept playing the guitar.

When we were done, I headed back to Jackson's room, not wanting to intrude on Rob and Kristen's personal musical time. I knocked first and then opened the door with my key card. I poked my head in, Jackson giving me a "What the fuck are you doing?" look. I walked in and sat on the coffee table as he took a made some coffee.

"She's right here."

My ears perked up ,and I got a little weirded out at the fact that he was talking about me to someone.

"Sure. One second."

He put his hand over the talky part of the phone.

"It's Ashley. She says she overheard Kellan saying something about getting you back for the prank, and she wants us to act now. She thinks we should try the saran wrap over the toilet thing again."

"Why again?"

"I don't know. Talk to her."

He handed me his cell and I sighed into it, bracing myself for a convo that would probably end with me gagging next to Kellan's toilet again.

"Ash, we're not going with the saran wrap over the toilet thing again. We've already done that, and Kellan's probably going to come up with something that ends up with my underwear up a flagpole."

"Iris?"

_Uh... That's not Ashley's voice._

"Y-yes?"

"Hon, you have my permission to hit Jackson with a very heavy object. This is Randee, Jackson's mother."

_Gah!_

I turned around to look for Jackson and possibly take her advice by chucking something heavy and breakable at him but he was at the door, sticking his tongue out at me and making a break for it with his coffee in hand.

"You're going to pay for this!" I yelled after him, making sure that I covered the cell so Randee couldn't hear me.

When I put the phone back to my ear, I heard her laughing.

"I'm sorry about that," I mumbled.

"It's okay."

Awkward silence.

"It's nice to finally get a chance to speak with you. Jackson's told me all about you."

"I can neither confirm nor deny any of that information until I know what it is," I said, making her laugh.

"He did mention that you were funny."

"Geeky's more like it, actually."

"He also said you were self-deprecating."

"Oh."

"Well, I just wanted to say hello and hear the voice of the person who's stolen my son's heart."

"I'm sorry?" I asked, shocked.

"He's very taken with you. He wouldn't stop speaking about you when we met him in Dallas and even before then. I was disappointed when I found out you weren't there."

"I'm sorry about that. I had no idea your family would be there. Plus, it would've been pretty expensive to book a flight at the last minute."

"Jackson explained."

Awkward silence.

"Can I be honest?" I asked.

"Sure."

"I'm really wigging out right now," I sorta whined as I plopped myself onto the couch.

"Why?" she laughed.

"Not the greatest first impression when I'm talking about saran wrapping Kellan's toilet."

"I'm sure he deserves it. That boy has trouble written all over him."

And that was how the awkward silence ended.

She and I talked for a good while. She asked me about myself, I guess wanting to get the deets directly from me. We talked about how I attended military school and how that went for me. She confessed that she and her husband were thinking about sending Jackson to one when he was younger since he had been somewhat of a troublemaker. She also seemed impressed that her son was dating someone with a college education. It kinda blew my mind. She gave me the general low down on the family, and we talked about being from the Southwest. She asked if I had any questions for her, and I only had one I really wanted to get out there.

"Are your daughters going to tear me apart when I meet them?"

"I don't think so," she laughed. "Why do you ask?"

"He's very protective of them, and I can only assume they're the same way with him. I just want them to like me."

"You're already in their good graces."

"How did I manage to do that?"

"Jackson told us about how you would've refused to have him pay for the plane ticket to Dallas. They worry about him getting involved with someone that only sees him for the money and fame. The fact that you want neither lets them know that you're good to him."

"Oh," I whispered.

"Really, sweetie, you have nothing to worry about. Jack's eager to meet you, too."

"Papa Rathbone?"

I guess my nickname for her husband was unexpected, because she let out this loud laugh.

"Yes. He's intrigued by what Jackson's told us about you. That's a good sign so don't feel like you should be worried about him, either."

"Oh, thank goodness," I sighed in relief.

"The fact that you're worried about what we think of you lets _me_ know that he's important to you."

"He is," I said quietly.

I heard the lock of the front door buzz, and I found Jackson strolling in as if nothing was wrong.

"Your son just walked back into the room. I have to excuse myself now so I can find a blunt object to beat him with."

"Don't hurt him too badly," she laughed.

"It was nice speaking with you."

"Same here, Iris."

"Bye."

"Bye, sweetie."

I hung up the phone and relaxed further into the couch.

"What's the verdict?" Jackson asked me, a huge smile on his face.

"That you're an ass," I replied, throwing his phone at him.

He laughed as he caught it. I stood up and ran over to him, practically jumping on him as I mauled his mouth with mine.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For wanting me to speak with her. But you could've just asked, you know."

"You wouldn't have fought me on it?"

"Oh, I woulda shit my pants! But I'da done it anyway. I like her. She's really nice. And now I know that your sisters don't want me dead."

I spent the next couple of minutes thanking him with my tongue in his mouth and rubbing shamelessly against his body before I pulled away.

"Come on. We're having a jam session in Kristen's room," he said, pulling me towards the door.

The rest of the weekend was spent holed up in one of the hotel rooms as Rob, Kristen, and Jackson would jam out on their guitars. Nikki and I would just sit there and listen, whispering to one another about what they were playing. She would join in sometimes, but she mainly stuck with me on the sidelines. And it took everything in me to not attack Jackson. I still wasn't used to the sight of him with a guitar in hand. He practically oozed sex.

The week went by completely normal. The crew worked while I stayed at home, watching The Food Network and my back as I waited for Kellan to retaliate. Luckily for me and my back, he didn't do anything.

Saturday morning, I watched as some of the cast flew to New York for the MTV Video Music Awards. Kristen grumbled about having to wear a dress and heels. Rob vowed to get as drunk as possible before hitting the stage. Taylor was worried about his suit. They were supposed to be there to introduce a trailer for _New Moon_, and Taylor was presenting an award.

Jackson flew down to Los Angeles to do I-have-no-idea what and spend it with the boys. He asked me to join him, but I didn't go. As much as I wanted to, I didn't have the extra money. Again, he offered to pay for my plane ticket. I threw a spatula at him and then dry humped him for five minutes.

Sunday night, I was gathered in my living room, delivered pizza on the coffee table and me ready to watch the trailer. I was caught off guard when the opening to the show was a tribute to Michael Jackson. As I watched the dancers reenact some of his videos, I cried. When Janet came out, I screamed. By the end of it, I was a hysterical mess.

_Did you see that? – JAction_

_Yep. *sniffle* - Iris_

_You okay? – JAction_

_I will be. I just gotta find some more tissues. I think I used an entire box. – Iris_

_Don't cry, Baby Girl. I love you. – JAction_

_I love you, too. Now, quit worrying about my tear ducts. Go have fun. Tell the boys that I miss them. – Iris_

I continued watching the show, random sniffles and hiccups coming outta me every so often, and was wigged about by Kanye upstaging Swifty. I felt bad for the girl. I felt even worse for Taylor when I caught his face. The poor dude looked like he wanted to do something but couldn't.

I watched the rest of the show, squealing like a stuck pig when the _New Moon_ trailer was finally revealed. It also helped that Rob looked like he was fucking bombed. I loved that boy and his love of the drink. It made for serious hilarity.

Everyone came back to me the following Monday, complaining of airports and paparazzi. I felt bad for them so I kinda went all out with a "Welcome Home" dinner. I got some questioning looks when I served it, but I assured them that no jizz was involved in the making of their food.

I spent that return night cuddled up with Jackson watching TV.

Again, for the following week, nothing much happened. I parked my ass in front of the The Food Network during the day, occasionally spending time with the lyric notebook, as I waited for the crew to head back to the hotel from work.

Dinner.

Cuddling.

Normal.

The rest of the Monkeys came back that weekend for another show. They kept Jackson busy all Saturday so I decided to get a haircut. It was spontaneous and I knew I would probably regret it later, but it was becoming a serious hazard since I was constantly sitting on it or getting it caught in doors.

_Where are you? – JAction_

_Gettin my hair did. You? – Iris_

_If that means you're styling your hair, then so am I. – JAction_

_What do you mean? – Iris_

_You'll see… - JAction_

I was a little frightened at what the possibility of that message might've mean, but I didn't think he would do anything drastic so I put it outta my mind for the moment. I went back to the house to shower and change and then made my way to the hotel. When I got there, all of the lights in the hotel room, except for the bathroom, were off.

"Babe?"

I walked in and placed my purse on the kitchen counter.

"In here," I heard him call.

I walked towards the bathroom, the general area of where his voice had come from, and then screamed my head off.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," was all I could get out as I took in Jackson.

He was sporting a bouffant. He was sporting a bouffant with this wicked mustache.

After calming down, I tilted my head and let out a little giggle. The little giggle turned into a full-blown laugh, which ended up with me practically rolling around on the floor.

"You're hurting my feelings."

"I'm sorry," I gasped. "I just wasn't expecting _this_. The mustache, though? Very 1970s porn."

I winked and then gave him the okay hand gesture.

"Oh, I'm just kidding," I said after I watched him fake grumble for a bit. "You couldn't look bad if you were covered in feathers and wearing a top hat. Now, am I allowed to kiss you or would you rather I didn't out of fear of ruining the placement of the stache?"

"You're a riot," he replied sarcastically though he did lean in to kiss me.

"What's with the get-up?"

"Just wanted to do something new."

"Are the rest of the boys doing this?" I asked, suddenly excited at the thought though Benny didn't really have much to do.

"No. Just me," he shrugged, looking me over. "I thought you said you were doing something with your hair."

"I did. I got it cut."

I turned around and showed him that I had taken over two feet off and it was now resting at my lower back.

"I like it."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm. I get to see your ass now."

I rolled my eyes when I saw what I thought was him licking his lips.

As much as I wanted to continue on with our little banter, he had to take off and meet the boys at the bar. I made my way over to Ashley's room and waited around until it was time for us to go.

It was the usual awesomessness the boys provided at one of their gigs. I basically got tackle hugged by Jerad the morning after. Apparently the _tostada_ dinner he made for Kristina was a success. Graupner mentioned something about him possibly getting lucky, and then I tuned outta the convo. I didn't need to know that shit.

_Really_ early Monday morning, the boys flew back to Los Angeles even though they were scheduled to play at some private party they were hosting for the cast and crew on Friday. I didn't know why they just didn't stay, but I didn't ask. That was band business, and I didn't get involved in any of that unless it involved feeding them or groping one of the members on a daily basis.

Tuesday morning started off as normal as every other day had. I was in the middle of watching Paula Dean add about a pound of butter to some dish that I didn't even think needed butter in the first place when I got a text message.

_Please don't kill me! – Kellan_

Before I could even reply, I got a phone call from Nikki.

"Hey. Are you going to clarify what Kellan's text is about?" I laughed.

"Have you been on the internet at all today?" she asked, sounding slightly rushed.

"No. Why?"

"Stay off of it."

"Any particular reason?"

"Jackson was in an accident."

My.

Heart.

Dropped.

"What do you mean? What kind of accident? Is he okay?"

"We were going over our fight scenes, and Kellan punched Jackson in the head."

"What?!"

"He wasn't knocked out or anything, but he was kind of wobbly and out of it. His manager suggested taking him to the hospital just to be safe."

"Oh, dear God."

I grabbed my shit and flew outta the house. I don't even remember turning the TV off or locking the front door or even hanging up on Nikki, but I didn't really give a shit. The only thing ringing in my head was that Jackson was in the hospital. I didn't know if it was serious. Sure, a punch in the head seems like nothing but _Grey's Anatomy_ taught me that nothing was as it seemed.

Everything that could've possibly been wrong with him ran through my head. I didn't even realize I had started crying until I wasn't able to see the road anymore. At a stoplight, I wiped my face and tried calming myself down. I prayed. I prayed at a red light and asked Jesus and God and Mary to let him be okay.

It felt like fucking forever before I got to the hotel. It was almost like I was walking through quicksand. The car wouldn't go fast enough. My legs wouldn't go fast enough. My fucking brain wouldn't go fast enough. I was in a fog, and I couldn't really concentrate on anything other than getting to his room.

When I got there, it was empty. I don't know why I expected him to be there. I mean, I fucking knew he was at the hospital. He was probably getting tests and shit done, having him follow the doctor's finger or something equally stupid I didn't understand the purpose of.

I sat on the coffee table and just did nothing for about an hour. I stared at the door, actually. I was waiting to hear the buzz from the lock and have him come strolling in. I'd jump on him and then punch his shoulder for making me worry before I proceeded to stuff his face with food.

That didn't happen, though, and I continued to sit on the coffee table until I felt my ass go numb. At that point, I got up and started pacing. That was when I spotted Jackson's laptop on his bed. It was also at the same time I realized I was on the verge of crushing my iPhone with my hand. I debated going online and finding out what the fuck was going on. I could've just hopped onto Twitter and sent out a general tweet, asking what the deal was. I was friends with a couple of people who always knew what was going on in the land of _Twilight_ and could've easily given me the answers I needed. It would've either stopped my worrying or let me know that it was serious.

The chicken in me won out, and I stayed away.

I don't know how much time had gone by when I heard the elevator ding. The room was already seriously quiet and got even quieter when I stopped breathing. It was then I heard some laughter. Then I heard the front door buzz.

I bit the inside of my cheek as the door swung open, and I saw Jackson laughing with Kellan. Peter popped up outta nowhere and gave Jackson a pat on the back. They were so fucking… cheery. It slightly disturbed me that they were so enh about the whole thing.

Just as Jackson turned to see me in the room, so did Kellan. The fucker took one look at me and ran off. I could hear Peter laughing like a maniac as Jackson closed the door behind him.

"Hey."

"Hi," I said, clearing my throat.

"You're here early."

"What?"

"You're early. You normally don't come over until around six or so."

"Wait. What?"

"What?"

_What the fuck is going on here?_

"Were you or were you not just in the hospital?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered cautiously.

"What did the doctor say?"

"That I'm fine. They did a quick neuro exam and watched me for a bit but released me."

"Okay."

_He's fine. He's fine._

"Of course I'm fine," he chuckled.

_Fuck. My inner-dialogue's no longer inner._

"What's wrong?"

I looked up and watched as he slowly walked over to me, a look of worry on his face.

"What?" was all I could get out.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

_I'm crying?_

"I'm not crying," I replied though I knew I probably was.

"Hey. Talk to me."

"I'm sorry," I cried. "I was just worried. I didn't know what had happened, and then Nikki mentioned the hospital and thirteen years of _ER_ episodes went through my head."

I plopped down on the coffee table again and scrubbed my face with my hands.

"Just ignore me. You know me and the crying," I said, trying to make light of the situation.

I took in a shuddering breath and then tried standing up but couldn't. I opened my eyes and realized Jackson was on his knees in front of me, keeping me in place.

Nothing prompted it, but all my thoughts came rushing out.

"I didn't know what was wrong. I kept having these images of you lying in a hospital bed with tubes and shit coming out of your body. And it felt like my heart was in my shoes. I couldn't remember how to breathe. And I know it all seems really dramatic for me to say, but I didn't know. I didn't know! And here you come in all laughing and joking and shit like you weren't just in the hospital. And then I go back to you with tubes in your body and all the things in the world that could've been wrong with you. I can't have that. Do you hear me? You can never die. Ever."

"Hey. Whoa. It's okay."

"If you die, I'll kill you," I cried as I threw my arms around his neck.

He held me for a while as I let it all out, shushing me and rubbing my back.

When I finally calmed down, I cleared my throat and leaned back onto the table, letting my hands fall into my lap. I stared at them for a bit, humiliated that I had just gone all hysterical on him.

"So you want me to stick around for a while?" I heard him ask.

I finally laughed and then gave him that arm punch I had wanted to give him earlier.

"Ow. No injuring the already injured man," he joked.

"You deserve it. Why didn't you call me or something to let me know you weren't dead?"

"I didn't have my phone with me. I only got it back from Patch after they released me. I was going to call you when I got back here."

"Oh."

"You were really worried," he stated.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Goes with the territory of having this teensy little crush on you."

"I'll remember that," he laughed.

I cleared my throat again and stood up, Jackson doing the same. After I checked my face in the bathroom mirror and did my best to not look like I had just had a nervous breakdown, I went straight for the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"To see Kellan."

"Oh, this is gonna be good," he chuckled.

I walked out and knocked on his door, Jackson leaning against the wall and out of peephole range. Kellan opened the door, saw me, and then quickly tried closing it again.

"It was an accident!" he yelled.

"Dude, quit being a little girl. I'm not here to lay the smackdown."

I pushed my way into his room and waited until both he and Jackson had joined me. I immediately grabbed Kellan's hands and inspected them.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Jackson's got a hard head. I didn't know if it had inflicted any damage on you," I said, trying not to laugh at my own stupid joke.

"It was touch and go there for a while, but I think my fist will survive."

"Hey!" Jackson protested. "Not funny."

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Now, on a serious note," I said, looking Kellan dead in the eye. "You hurt him again, and I'll gut you like a fish. Well, you know, if I was willing to do that sort of thing. We understand one another?"

"Uh, yeah. No hurting your man. Got it."

"Good. Now, who's buying me dinner?"

Kellan ended up being the one to buy us all pizza. I felt it was only right since it was his stupid hands that caused me to worry like a little bitch. Jackson left as the pizza was being delivered and came back with Nikki and Ashley. Nikki pulled me outside into the hallway and apologized over and over again for making me worry. I guess Jackson had told her about my little outburst, and she felt guilty. I explained to her that I blamed _ER_ and _Grey's Anatomy for_ making me believe it was worse than it really was. It didn't ease the pain from her face, but she nodded and accepted it. I gave her a hug anyway, thanking her for letting me know. When she asked why, I gave her my reason.

"I woulda hurt the both of you if I had found out _after_ the fact," I smiled.

She finally smiled, and we walked back into Kellan's room.

I stayed with Jackson that night, still slightly worried that something might've been wrong. If something was gonna go down, I was going to be ready with my cell phone in hand and my lungs ready to scream bloody murder. He went to work the next day as if nothing happened. I even got a picture texted to my phone from him of the wig with a message attached that said, "The wig's fine. See? Everything's okay."

The Monkeys flew in while Jackson was still at work. Once they got settled into their hotel rooms, I dragged them back to the house for dinner. I messaged everyone to let them know that dinner was at my place and that they were more than welcome to hop over. I left the Monkeys at the house while I grocery shopped. I came back to Uncle Larry watching TV, Jerad and Benny playing pool, and Graupner checking out his hair in the downstairs bathroom mirror.

Most of the cast came over for dinner. It was nice to have something normal after the fiasco that was the day before. Things got even more normal when Graupner and I broke out into a fit of Taylor Swift sing-along sessions at the dinner table. It felt great to have a partner in crime with the cheesiness of it all. We stopped singing in the middle of "You Belong With Me" when Taylor started to look embarrassed. I didn't get why until Jackson told me that he thought boy Taylor had a thing for girl Taylor.

When the Monkeys refused to let me clean up, I snuck outside for a cig and called Suzy. I hadn't talked to her since the "I love you" chat, and I needed someone to get all the "He could've died" shit off my brain.

"So, he's fine now, right?"

"Yeah."

"So why are you freaking out still?"

"What makes you think I'm still freaking out?"

"Because I know you, and your voice keeps going up at the end of every sentence."

I laughed as I plopped myself down on the steps and lit a cigarette, trying to ignore the cold.

"It scared me, Suz. Like, it really fucking scared me. I heard he was in the hospital, and everything just fucking stopped. And I don't even wanna get into the pain in my chest at the thought that there was some serious shit wrong with him."

"That's because you're in love," she teased. "You're thinking with your heart, not with your head."

"I know," I mumbled, getting up and walking away from the house and further into the yard. "Is it always like this? This constant wigging?"

"It is when you're boyfriend's getting punched in the head," she laughed.

"Oh, eat shit and die, you whore," I laughed.

"Seriously. It's over now."

"I know. I just kinda feel like an idiot for getting all 'No more wire hangers!' on him."

"Then make it up to him," she simply stated.

"How do I do that?"

"He has needs, and those needs lie in the crotch of his pants."

"Suzy!"

"What? Listen, you know I love you but come on already. It's been forever and a day since you two got together. Give it up. Just fuck him already."

"Oh, my God. You just didn't go there," I grumbled. "You think I don't wanna get into his pants? Please. Have you seen what he looks like? It's not about that."

"Then what is it about? Because I'm about to give that guy a plaque"

"This is about me and how I don't want him throwing up on me when he sees me naked."

"You're joking me, right?"

"What's to joke about?"

"Please listen to what I'm about to tell you," she sighed, pausing for what I figured was dramatic effect. "You are not that fat girl anymore. You never really were. You never were a quote/unquote fat girl. You are _not_ fat, Iris. I know you're not used to feeling like you're worth it, and it sucks. But he loves you, right? Do you think he loves you, because of your pants size?"

"No, but it makes a difference. Let's live in reality, Suz. Hot guys likes that don't go for the fat, ugly girls."

"And you're neither. You're not fat, and you were never ugly."

I groaned into the phone.

"I know, I know. You wanna tear my head off, because you're frustrated. I'm just asking you to think about it."

"Didn't we have this talk not too long ago?" I laughed.

"Yes, but you're a stubborn bitch. I anticipate having this conversation again."

"I hate it when you're right."

"I usually am," she laughed.

The both of us got really quiet and it gave me time to think about what she said. When I had finally thought it over, I realized she was probably right. Jackson had made it more than clear that he wanted to get down and nasty with me. He also made it clear that he loved me. I was stupid for thinking otherwise.

Then, the realization hit me and I came up with a whole new set of shit to worry about.

"I'm worried."

"About what?"

"The actual sex."

"What about it?"

"I'm not a fan of the pain. It's supposed to hurt, right?"

"I'm not gonna lie. It's a bitch at first, but the pain goes away. I doubt it'll hurt for you, though."

"Why?"

"Bear with me, because I'm gonna get technical with you. The pain comes from him tearing through your hymen. Hon, you're twenty-eight. I doubt you have one anymore."

"What? It just upped and poofed away?"

"There're a shitload of things that could cause it to already have torn. You're an old lady," she laughed. "You used to horseback ride. You use tampons. You went through so much physical shit in military school, you could've torn it way back then."

"Oh."

"It's gonna feel weird, though. The guy's gonna have his penis in your vagina," she said, audibly shuddering.

"Why the shudder?"

"Sorry. I can joke around about you giving up the virginity, but it's weird for me to think about you actually having sex."

"Oh, grow up," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Anyway. The one thing I can tell you is that you probably won't cum the first time you have sex."

"What? Why not?" I whined.

"Because," she laughed. "It just doesn't happen to most women their first time. Then again, you're not most women so you could end up having an orgasm party for all I know. Just don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. But that's where the fun comes in."

"How do you figure?"

"You get to practice."

I could practically hear her wagging her eyebrows on the other end.

"Okay. So it may or may not hurt, and I may or may not cum. Great. That clears things up."

"You won't know until you actually get down to business. My suggestion? Drag his ass outside right now and get your freak on in the grass," she laughed.

"Yeah. I'll get right on that," I laughed back.

I was about to tell her that I had to go, because I had been away from the hoopla of people inside when I heard Jackson's voice.

"Baby Girl? Everything okay?"

"Yep. Just talking to Suzy."

I walked closer to the house and finally saw The Pretty as it stood on the steps.

"You've been out here for a while," he said before he leaned in to kiss me.

"Sorry. Suzy had a womanly issue."

"Hey! Don't lie to him, and definitely don't tell him I have womanly issues," she yelled at me through the phone.

"So, uh, if it starts to burn or itch again, go see your doctor," I said into the phone.

"Damn it, Iris! I will find you and hurt you," she threatened.

I laughed my goodbye and hung up the phone.

"Girls are so weird," Jackson mumbled as he took my hand and walked me back inside.

Friday was filled with the cast working and the party that the Monkeys hosted. The boys worked it hard, giving it their all as if they were playing for a crowd of TwiHards. Watching Jackson do his thing on stage made me realize that he really _was_ okay. I didn't admit it to him, but I was still slightly scared that his head injury would turn into something that would end up on the _Behind The Music_ episode I was sure he and the boys would later have in their career. Once I realized that he wasn't going to drop dead from whatever drama I had thought up, I watched him play and listened to him sing. I basically swooned at my own boyfriend in front of a group of his working peers. I called the entire event a win. I especially enjoyed the cupcakes that were served. I didn't enjoy the pics of Rob that surfaced the next morning.

_Who gives a shit about someone walking down the street?_

By the time Saturday night rolled around, the other Monkeys were in their hotel rooms and the rest of the cast was doing whatever the needed to relax. Everyone was exhausted, especially Jackson, so we ended up being lazy bums and staying in his hotel room.

"Are you almost done in there? I have to pee."

I slightly pulled the shower curtain back to see Jackson peeking his head in.

"So pee. I promise I won't look," I laughed.

I heard the door fully open and the toilet seat lift. I finished rinsing the conditioner out of my hair. I was about to shut the water off when I heard the toilet flush, and the showerhead suddenly spit out cold water.

"Fucking shit on a stick!" I screamed.

I was answered with a loud ass laugh from Pee Boy.

"You're such a jerk," I seethed, turning the water off and grabbing for my towel.

"If I was a jerk, I'd pull that curtain back and run off with your towel."

"No, that'd make you dead."

I finally found my towel and wrapped myself in it. I pulled back the curtain, placing my hand on my hip when I saw Jackson being a jerk with a smirk.

"Get outta the bathroom so I can change, ass."

"This is _my_ hotel room, woman."

He walked closer to me and smiled. He looked like he was ready to pounce on me or something.

"And if you ever plan to get off again without having to use your own hand, you'll skedaddle."

That boy ran outta the bathroom like his hair was on fire.

I changed into some boy shorts and a Texas Rangers night shirt, deciding to go without a bra since we were going to bed soon. Free-boobing it felt awesome sometimes. I brushed out my hair and threw it up into a messy bun, securing it with a pencil.

I walked outta the bathroom and into the bedroom to find that Jackson wasn't even in there. I shrugged my shoulders and decided to raid the fridge, squeeing when I found a bag of grapes. I nommed away as I walked back into the bedroom and turned on the TV. I was halfway through the bag when Jackson came back in.

"Where'd you go?" I asked, my mouth half-full of grapes.

"I'm out of coffee filters. I went to get some from Rob."

"Babe? It's almost midnight."

"Planning for the morning," he smirked.

I responded with a snort.

I watched his fine tushy place the filters on the counter and then come back into the bedroom. When he was almost to the bed, he suddenly stopped.

"Oh, Christ," he breathed. "Are you wearing a Rangers shirt?"

"Uh, yeah. Nolan Ryan for the fucking win. Best pitcher that ever lived."

I threw a grape at him, and I laughed as it bounced off of his head and onto the floor.

"Fuck, you look good wearing that," he whispered.

He climbed onto the bed, slowly but surely, and I braced for what I hoped was a seriously needed rub down. What I got instead was him taking the grapes outta my hands and sitting back against the headboard, laughing at me.

"You going for the Olympic gold in the 'Douchebag' category?" I grumbled.

I settled back against the headboard and grabbed the remote. After flipping through the channels for a bit, Jackson suddenly let out a loud laugh, effectively scaring the shit outta me.

"What?"

"We're like an old married couple."

"Eff you. _You're _old. I'm twenty-two."

"Seriously, though," he laughed. "It's a Saturday night, and we're sitting here fighting over grapes and watching TV?"

"Hey. Say the word, and I'll find us a rave to go to. We'll drop some acid and get stupid busy on a dance floor. We'll get glow sticks and get neon paint in our hair. Let's get arrested!"

I jokingly began to get off the bed but was pulled back by my two favorite arms. He kissed my neck as he settled me between his legs and handed me the remote.

"I'm good here," he whispered.

I flipped through the channels a little longer when he took the remote outta my hands and muted the TV.

"I need to ask you something."

"Yes, chickens _do_ have lips," I said with a straight face.

"Oh, my God… You're gonna drive me crazy."

"Fine," I giggled. "Ask your question. I'll be serious."

I turned around and crossed my legs, pulling my shirt over my knees. I gave him a serious face and looked him right in the eyes.

"Does it bother that I can't take you out on a date?"

The question caught me so off guard, I sat up and blinked profusely.

"What? Why? Where did that come from?"

"Because we're sitting here fighting over grapes and watching TV on a Saturday night," he repeated.

I was gonna say something stupidly funny, but the look on his face told me he was serious.

"We go out all the time."

"No, we don't."

"I mean, we don't go out to the movies or out to restaurants, but we do shit together. We have dinners. We sit around with friends. I go to your concerts. You talk me down from ledges."

"But they're not dates."

"Why do we need dates? I have you here, right now. What more could I want?"

He huffed and leaned further back into the headboard.

"It really doesn't bother you?"

"No," I shook my head. "Does it really bother _you_?"

"Sort of. I feel like a shitty boyfriend. I can't take you out without worrying that you're going to kick the paparazzi's ass or wondering if it's going to screw with my sleep schedule because I have to work. I mean, I love working but I wanna take you out and do the normal things that couples do."

"Are you kidding me?"

I scooted closer to him, eventually ending up in his lap.

"I may not have much experience with boyfriends or relationships, but I'm happy. Do you realize how far I've come _because_ of you? I'm standing up to my mother's irrational need to please my grandmother. I'm somewhat able to take a compliment now. And I love you. That's _big_ for me. Movies and dinners out? Fuck 'em. I'll take grapes and channel surfing on a Saturday night _any _day of the year. Okay?"

He stared at me for a bit before he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. When we finally pulled apart, I turned around and went back to sitting between his legs again.

"Are you done being a woman? I'd like to channel surf some more, please," I laughed.

He handed me the remote and the bag of grapes before he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me further back into him. I surfed until I heard musical ending credits that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Oh, my God!" I squeed.

"What?"

"It's _Quantum Leap_."

"It's what?"

Shocked, I turned around and glared at him.

"_Quantum Leap_. One of the best shows _ever_. Damn it. It's over, though."

I was about to continue with the channel surfing when the screen flashed that it was continuing with its _Quantum Leap_ marathon.

"You, sir, are in luck. Prepare to be educated in TV awesomeness."

"What is so great about this show?"

"'Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.'"

I turned around to look at Jackson.

"_That_ is what is so great about this show," I replied, totally elated with myself that I had gone through the show's opening narration without fucking it up.

Just as I was getting ready to find out whom Sam had leaped into, the channel changed.

"What the…? Hey!"

I looked down to where I had placed the remote and realized it was gone. I looked behind me and came face-to-face with Jackson's smirk. He casually raised his hand and used my no-longer-missing remote control to continue changing the channels.

"Excuse my language, but what the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?"

"I'm watching TV," he innocently smiled.

"No, you're changing the channel. You're changing the channel when _Quantum Leap_ is on. Men have died because of that. Gimme."

I reached for the remote, but he moved his arm high above me so I couldn't reach it. I got on my knees and tried to grab for it again. He tilted his body away from me so that the remote was still outta reach.

"Gimme the remote, Rathbone. I don't wanna have to hurt you."

Suddenly, he jumped off the bed.

"No way. I'm not watching this silly show."

"You did _not _just call it that!" I gasped.

I jumped off the bed and jumped for the remote. Just when I thought I might've had it, Jackson took off running into the living room.

"Get back here! I can't believe you're actually going to make me chase you!"

I ran after him, eventually ending up in the dining room. He was on one side while I was on the other. We circled each other until I finally just got fed up and climbed onto the table.

"What are you doing? You're gonna hurt yourself."

"Then give me the damn remote. Sam Beckett's changing the world, and you think it's funny to keep me from watching him do it."

As I was climbing off the table, I pretended to slip. Jackson ran over in time to catch me.

"Are you okay?" he asked, helping me stand up straight.

I snatched the remote out of his hand and took off running.

"I am now!" I laughed.

I ended up in the living room, Jackson catching up and then glaring at me.

"What?"

"I thought you were really hurt."

"But I'm not."

"Iris, that wasn't funny."

He had this puppy dog look on his face, and I suddenly felt bad. I knew what it was like to think he was hurt, and I should've known better than to play around with that sort of thing.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

I walked to him and stood on my tippy-toes to give him a kiss. He pulled away from me before I could and snagged the remote from my hand.

"Sucker!"

"That was mean!" I yelled after him, chasing him into the bedroom again.

"Whatever. The point is that I now have the remote."

I walked slowly toward him and glared.

"Give me the remote, Jackson."

"No."

"Damn it. Give it to me!" I growled.

I kept walking toward him as he walked backward, the back of his knees eventually hitting the bed. I took my chance and pushed him back, quickly climbing into his lap.

"Give it," I whined.

"No," he laughed.

He placed his hand holding the remote around his back, and I stretched to try and grab it from him. He laughed like a psycho as he kept moving his arm around and wouldn't let me get the remote.

I felt it was time to take drastic measures.

I tickled him.

"Cut it out!" he laughed.

"Give me the remote and I will."

He started moving his hand further back on the bed until he was practically lying down. I moved my lower half off of him enough so that I could actually reach his hand. I cheered when I sat back up and had the remote in my hand.

Jackson sat up, gasping for air, and laughed.

"Jesus. Whatever happened to Adam Sandler and his whole 'I'll even let you hold the remote control' line?"

"Adam Sandler obviously didn't have _Quantum Leap_ in mind when he wrote it."

Our laughter quieted down as we sat there and just looked at each other for a bit. I was getting all sorts of hot in my underthings from the position I was in and the look on his face. I didn't know why our moods had suddenly changed, but I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. So I did. Just as I was about to climb off his lap, Jackson put his hands on my hips.

"What?" I asked, looking him in the eye.

He didn't say anything.

"Baby, what is it?"

Rather than answer me, he reached behind me and took the pencil outta my hair, letting it just kinda flop outta the bun it was in. He stared at me for a bit and then moved his eyes over my body. His look was so intense, I started breathing heavier. He noticed the change in my breathing, I guess, and moved his eyes back up to my face. He took the remote outta my hands and threw it on the floor.

_Oh, boy_.

He moved his hands to my face, sliding his fingers through my wet hair. He leaned forward and kissed me, starting off slow and then getting more into it. I kissed him back just as strongly and then began to really situate myself in his lap. I grabbed at him, trying to find a place where I could place my hands and just hold.

He pulled his hands outta my hair and slid them down until they rested on my waist again, pulling away so that we could catch our breath.

As I opened my eyes, I noticed the seriously intense look on his face. That look was all I needed, because the next thing I did was grab his face and attack his mouth. When he pushed his tongue into mine, I let out a moan.

That fucker gave good tongue.

When I need to breathe again, I pulled away slightly. Jackson immediately went for my neck.

"Oh, God," I moaned.

I held his face to my neck, totally loving what he was doing to me and making me feel. He kept that up for a bit until he moved back to my mouth. I held his face to mine again and tried to get a better seat in his lap, unintentionally grinding into Little Jackson, who was now making himself known.

Then, I just stopped. I pulled back and sat in his lap for a bit, staring at his face. He was panting, and he had this glazed look about him. Slowly, I moved my hands down to his where they were still on my waist. Just as he was about to say something, I grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up over my head, throwing it down on the floor. I looked him straight in the eyes and gave him a tiny smile.

I watched as his eyes roamed over my body again. When I didn't feel weird about it, being practically naked in front of him, I knew. I just fucking knew.

Apparently, he did, too.

_This is it._

* * *

_**Porque no me has llamado? – Why haven't you called me?**_

_**Que quiere decir…? – What does… mean?**_

_**Abuelita – Grandma**_

_**Con quien hablas? – Who are you talking to?**_

_**Bueno – Good/Okay**_

_**Me duelen los oidos – My ears hurt**_

**Reviews are like Jackson lemon cliffhangers: They make me squee and swoon.**


	22. Bliss

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.  
**

**No translations.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / cvsI1f  
**

**Warning: Lemon ahead, and it was the first one I ever wrote.  
**

* * *

_Did I put on __deodorant__?_

_Thank God I shaved._

_Fuck… He's tenting like a boy scout._

"Are you sure?" he mumbled, still kissing me like a starved man.

The only thing I could do to respond was to kiss him back. Hard.

His hands slowly started to move up from my waist. I felt them stop right where my boobs were, still all sorts of naked, and moaned as his thumbs just barely brushed the undersides. By the time he had done a second sweep, I was ready to grab his fucking hands and just plant them on my ta-tas. I didn't have to, though. As he moved his mouth to my neck, he also moved his hands up and gave me that oh-so-sweet cuppage I had been waiting for.

And God save the Queen, it felt fucking fantastic.

Without even realizing it, I had brought my hands up to cover his and made him squeeze the boobs. I let out this horrendous moan, which resulted in Jackson chuckling into the hollow of my throat where he was making with the sucking. Since I was still straddling him, the chuckling made his body vibrate, allowing Cooter Central to get some rubbage.

"Neglect," I panted. "They were neglected."

_I can't believe he's never spent quality time with them._

"I'll make up for lost time. I promise."

He gave them one final squeeze and then moved his hands to my back and pushed me forward. We went back to kissing, his hands moving up and down my bare back as I did my best to get his shirt off. He pulled away long enough for me to get it up and over his head and then went back to kissing me.

The next thing I knew, we were no longer sitting on the bed. Jackson had stood up, though he never moved his lips from mine, and was walking us somewhere. Before I could even ask, I heard the bed slightly squeak. When I felt the comforter against my back, I knew he had simply moved us so that I was lying in the middle of the bed.

We kept kissing as we situated ourselves. Jackson hovered over me, his hands on either side of my head, and I leaned up to keep our lips attached. I couldn't take the slight distance between our bodies, so I grabbed his face and pulled him down to me.

_Possible death by a tongue battle. What a way to go._

He finally let his weight rest on me, and I automatically parted my legs to make room for him. When I needed to breathe, I moved my lips away from his and made my way up his jaw line, taking time to nibble his earlobe when I reached it, and then moved my way down his neck as his hands travelled down my sides and finally settled on my waist again, his thumbs making circles on my stomach.

The more his thumbs played with my skin, the harder I started to pant. I moved my mouth back to his and started the kissing game all over again. I could feel Little Jackson poking me through his PJ pants, and I lightly moaned. I guess Jackson knew what the moan was about because he slightly moved his body down, aligning our nether regions, and pushed forward, his dick hitting my clit and making me wail like a banshee.

I tried to grab him by the arms to pull him back up to me so I could kiss him or lick his face or something, but he ended up sitting back on his heels and taking my wrists in his hands. He leaned toward me again and brought my hands to rest above my head.

"Don't move them."

"What?"

"Whatever you do, don't move them," he smirked.

He leaned down to kiss me before I could ask him what the hell he was talking about and then began to move down my body. I felt as his lips moved from my mouth to underneath my chin and down my throat. Out of nowhere, I felt the tip of his tongue trail down between my breasts, making me groan.

_Tongue. Boobs. Gah!_

He slowly made his way to his right and used his tongue to trace around my nipple though he didn't touch it. He did this a couple of times, almost making me snap from the lack of actual nipple touching.

"I swear to God, Jackson…" I panted.

Before I could go on, his tongue flicked my nipple and he finally took it in his mouth. He sucked on that puppy for a bit and then went back to using his tongue.

I didn't even realize it, but my hands had moved from their position and ended up in his hair. I wanted to beg or whimper or threaten him with his life to continue, but he pulled back and playfully glared at me. He took my hands out of his hair and then placed them back above my head. He leaned down, making me think he was going to kiss me, and then moved his mouth directly next to my ear.

"I told you not to move them," he whispered. "Don't make me tell you again."

He ended his little demand by sucking on the skin directly behind my ear, making me whimper. When he was done, he lifted his head away from mine enough so that I could see the smirk he was wearing. I'm sure if my blood hadn't been centered down south, I would've come up with something ingenious to say.

"You missed the right one," I heaved.

_Real ingenious, Iris_.

He moved back down my body, and sure enough, went back to the task at hand with Ms. Right Boob. He let most of his weight settle on me as he made my breast his bitch. My entire body was vibrating, and it only made it that much harder to keep my hands above my head.

_Fucking bed without a fucking headboard._

As I was about to say something stupid about the hotel's inability to provide one, Jackson closed his mouth around my nipple and slightly bit down.

"Oh, Jesus Christ in heaven!" I yelled.

My body arched off the bed, practically suffocating his face with the twin he was sucking on. I felt his hand settle between my breasts and push me back down, though he kept nibbling and licking and generally making me about to cum on the spot.

He kept up the fondling of the twins, moving from one to the other for a few minutes as I moaned and groaned and called on Jesus a few times. When he was done with his thorough inspection, he moved his way down my torso, kissing and licking. By the time he made it to my belly button, I was ready to just rip off what was left of our clothes and tell him to slide on home.

I expected him to start removing my boy shorts. I _prayed_ for it. Instead, he completely bypassed my danger zone, ending up placing his hand underneath my left knee. I raised my head and glared at him, not the slightest bit amused when he smirked again. I lost the glare, though, when he raised my leg and lightly licked the back of my knee. I don't know why, but it sent a jolt up my leg which settled in the general vicinity of my vajayjay. Still with my head slightly raised, I watched as he slowly kissed his way up my inner thigh. I moaned when I felt his lips land where my thigh met the seam of my boy shorts.

Just when I thought all signals were go, he moved to my right leg.

_Rat bastard._

He did that whole licking and sucking thing behind my knee and up my thigh again. Even though my entire body was vibrating, I was expecting him to ignore the area of my body that practically had a neon sign above it flashing, "Enter at will!" Instead, he settled his face directly _there_ and kept his eyes locked with mine as he kissed my clit through my boy shorts. I automatically threw my head back against the pillow, clenched my eyes, and whore-moaned.

I felt as Jackson hooked his fingers into the top of my boy shorts and started pulling them down. Rather than wig out about the fact that I was about to be full-on naked, I remembered that Jackson had already taken my cooter on a joyride with his fingers. Several times. Sure, he hadn't actually seen the area before, but it didn't look like it needed to be in an anatomy textbook in a section for deformed vaginas.

I lifted my hips when I felt him tugging on my shorts and then watched as he pulled them all the way down my legs and flung them to the side. He slowly crawled back up towards me, stopping completely when he was eye to hooha level. He looked up at me, locking his eyes with mine, and then licked his lips. I'm pretty sure I whimpered or something, because he chuckled at me… just as he leaned in and licked me from entrance to clit.

My head fell back against the pillow at the same time my legs tried to close around Jackson's head. I felt his hands move up the inside of my thighs, prying them apart, as my pants got heavier and louder. My back flew off the bed as his lips wrapped around my clit, kissing and sucking on it. He pulled back and started flicking it with his tongue, making me call on Jesus again. He took another pass up my slit before I felt him move back up to clit and suddenly push one of his fingers into me.

Not even realizing it, my hands were back in his hair, holding on for dear life.

"What'd I tell you about your hands?" he asked suddenly, making me raise my head from the pillow to glare at him for stopping.

"You weren't any better," I replied, still panting and not-so-subtlety trying to get him to get back to business by using his hair to, uh, push him there.

I guess he realized what I was trying to do and went back to it, adding another finger in the process. It was one thing to have his fingers in me, but it was a completely different situation to have his mouth on me at the same time.

Sooner than I wanted, hoping to draw out the fuckawesome state he had me in, I felt myself on the verge of cumming. I wanted to say something to Jackson and let him know, but I couldn't get over the sensation of his fingers moving in and out of me as he continued to flick my clit with his tongue. Even still, I opened my mouth to at least say _something_, but all that came out was something along the lines of "OhsweetJesusChristMmmmOoooh." And then the massive truck of my orgasm hit me, and I was back to moaning as I felt my body shake and my eyes roll back into my head.

I could feel Jackson climbing over me as I tried to calm my ass down. Well, calm Cooter Central down, anyway. He settled between my legs again, holding himself up with his arms on either side of my body.

"You okay?" he asked though I could see the small smile on his face through my barely opened eyes.

"Oh, yeah," I drawled, probably with my own silly smile on my face.

He leaned down to kiss me, and I wondered if I wanted to go there knowing where his mouth had just been. I heard from friends that some found it hot, and others were repulsed by it. When he slipped his tongue into my mouth, I didn't object, though. It wasn't horrible having that taste of me in my mouth or anything. It was just, I don't know, different, I guess. I didn't have time to contemplate, though, once I started to get back into really kissing him. As the kiss continued, Jackson trailed a hand from my shoulder, across my nipple, down my stomach, and back to the promise land. I slightly hissed when he rubbed my clit, still a little sensitive, but forgot about it as I felt him push two of his fingers back in me.

_Uh… Where's the peen, dude?_

He stopped kissing me and watched my face as he pumped them in and out of me again. Out of nowhere, I felt a third finger push into me, as well. I must've made a face or a noise because he immediately stopped moving, though he kept his fingers inside me.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. It's just… a lot," I mumbled.

"You're tight."

_People really say that shit?_

"At least it's not like a hot dog down a hallway, right?" I jokingly laughed.

_Nervous much, stupid?_

I expected him to laugh or reply to my stupid joke. Instead, he started pumping his fingers again. It felt _different_ having more than two of his fingers doing his handiwork, but I knew that it was necessary if I was going to have Not-So-Little Jackson inside me.

I was just starting to get used to the difference when he pulled his fingers out completely. My eyes shot open, having closed at some point I don't remember, and stared at Jackson as he stared back. He licked his lips, keeping eye contact with me for a couple of seconds before he leaned over to the nightstand. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a box of condoms.

_Boy scout muthafucker._

I couldn't help it. I raised my eyebrows and tried not to smirk.

"What?" he asked, opening the box and pulling out a condom.

"Prepared much?" I teased, finally giving in and smirking at him.

"I know this girl…" he smiled as he trailed off.

"Easy bitch."

"Not at all. I sorta love her."

In the madness of it all, I had gotten caught up in the lustiness. While the fact that I loved him never left my mind, it didn't dawn on me to say it or to have him say it in reassurance. I did that head tilt thing I always did when I realized things and smiled when I saw him smile. Using my elbows to prop myself up a bit, I leaned up and kissed him.

"I love you, too," I replied. "Now take off your pants."

He smiled against my lips before he kissed me once more and finally pulled away. He started moving off the bed but I shook my head, hoping he'd stop. He did, and it allowed me to lean up and kiss him as my shaking hands made their way to the waistband of his PJ pants. I hooked my thumbs in and started pulling them down, wanting to but not pulling away so I could see Jackson in his stark naked glory. I got them down as much as I could and watched as he kicked them off the rest of the way. His hair had fallen in his face when he leaned back on his heels and tore open the condom packet. He pulled it out and threw the foil somewhere on the ground. He pinched the tip and then rolled the rest down his cock. He moved himself back over me again, immediately kissing me. I could feel his dick hit my thigh as he pushed his tongue into my mouth.

_Christ on a tricycle. This is it. This is really it._

In an effort to brace myself, one of my hands went to his neck, keeping his mouth against mine, while the other gripped his shoulder. More of his weight settled on me and I realized it was because one of his arms had moved between us, his fingers touching my skin every so often. When I felt his fingers brush against my vajayjay, I wonder if he was going back to the fingering but quickly guessed he was probably going to guide himself inside me.

I pulled my mouth from his and leaned my forehead against his shoulder as his head rested in the crook of my neck.

I felt the tip of his cock slide up and down my slit, slightly nudging my clit and making me moan. Finally, it settled right at my entrance, and I felt Jackson's body move a little. Before I could say, "Holy shit! There's a penis inside my vagina," there was a penis inside my vagina.

_Holy shit! There's a penis inside my vagina!_

He pushed the tip in, stopped, and then moaned as he continued to slowly make his way in. The more he pushed in, the more pressure I felt. It felt _really_ weird to actually feel myself stretching. It didn't hurt like I expected it to.

Once again, when I guessed he was about halfway in, Jackson stopped.

"You okay?" he mumbled into my neck.

I nodded.

"I'm good. I'm okay."

Before I could continue reassuring him, he quickly pushed the rest of himself in. I whimpered. I couldn't help it. There wasn't any of the searing pain I had been told there would be, but it was a completely awkward feeling to finally have him all the way inside me. I felt stretched and pressure and this sensation of feeling full.

Holy Toledo, Ohio. I'm no longer a virgin. Oh, my God…

I kept my forehead against his shoulder as my grip got tighter. Jackson lifted his head from the crook of my neck and looked down at me as I let my head fall back against the pillow.

"Still okay?"

Again, not being able to say anything, I nodded.

"I'll go slow," he said before he leaned down to kiss me.

Ever so slowly, he started pulling out. Again, the sensation of it was strange, almost uncomfortable, but I was trying to focus more on his mouth and tongue. He pushed in, pulled out, and then pushed in again. And it was on that push in that my hooha took notice. It was starting to feel… _nice_. He pulled out and pushed in, and the nice sensation just got even nicer. I moaned and moaned again when Jackson swiveled his hips instead of immediately pulling out.

"Oh, fuck," I mumbled since his mouth was still on mine.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, fuck yeah."

"No pain?"

"Nuh-uh."

He smiled slightly before we went back to kissing. He resumed with the horizontal mambo movements, and the panting and moaning was back.

And. It. Was. Good.

Every time he made the slightest movement, I didn't just feel it down south. My entire body was on red alert. I was breaking out in goosebumps despite the fact that I was starting to lightly sweat.

Thank God I had just showered, or that would've just been one funky and humiliating first penetration moment.

I moved my hands from his neck and shoulder to under his arms so that I could grab his back. When I did that, Jackson placed his hands on either side of my head and started to move a little faster. I wasn't expecting it, so the loud-as-shit-because-it-feels-so-good whimper came outta my mouth before I could stop it and caused me to dig my nails into his back.

"You feel really good," he panted.

_You do, too._

_Christ, this is amazing!_

_Oh. My. God._

"Mmhmm" was all I was able to get out.

He bent his head to kiss me just as I felt his hand move down the side of my body. I felt it linger on my hip a bit before he continued down and very slowly hitched my leg over him, so it was wrapped around his waist.

And then shit got serious.

The change in my leg's placement let Jackson go deeper into me, and that had me seeing stars.

"Ohhhhh…" I moaned.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck."

I didn't even have to think about what to do next. I placed my other leg around his waist and locked my ankles. The new position had my ass slightly lifted off the bed, letting his pelvic bone hit my clit every time he thrust and making me cry out.

And before I knew it, I felt that good as shit feeling in my lower stomach.

"I'm… I'm gonna cum."

I opened my eyes and looked at Jackson's face. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, and he was panting really hard. I moved my hands from his back and grabbed his face. As soon as he felt my hands on his skin, he let his arms drop so his full weight was on me. He kissed me quickly and then buried his head in the crook of my neck again.

His thrusts got a little faster, nothing too outta control, but it was enough to cause me to cum.

And did I fucking cum. There were stars and white lights, and I'm pretty sure I saw God's face.

As I contracted around his dick, Jackson let out a loud moan that was muffled by my neck. I knew he hadn't cum yet, so I held on to him as I came down from my orgasm. I whimpered a bit since I was already sensitive, him still hitting my clit, but also because it still felt all sorts of fucking good.

Suddenly, his pants got breathier and his hold on me got a little tighter. His thrusts became more erratic and I took that as a sign that he was about to cum, too.

"Fuck! I… "

" I love you," I whimpered into his shoulder.

His body stilled and went rigid. I felt him actually twitch inside of me. He kinda groaned and growled as he came, and fuck if that didn't make me wanna start the whole thing over again.

I ran my hands through his hair as his breathing calmed down. I tried not to giggle at the fact that he was deflating while inside me. I focused on just keeping my hands moving over his body and letting him come down.

I was kissing his shoulder and making my way to his neck when he finally lifted his head enough so he could look at me.

"Hey."

"Hi," I replied, lazily smiling.

"You okay?"

"Oh, I'm just dandy."

I smiled a bigger smile and kissed him.

I was so fucking happy, I could've given those annoyingly cheery Disneyland employees a run for their money. I was in love and I'd just gotten my freak on for the first time and it wasn't a horror story. The more I thought about how great I felt, the more I started to wonder what was going on in Jackson's mind. I obviously had nothing to compare the sex to, but _he_ did.

Once we pulled our tongues out of each other's mouths, Jackson started crawling off of me. As he pulled out, I hissed a little. He gave me this look that bordered on smug and smirky. It was definitely a little weird to watch him take the condom off, tie it, and toss it in the trash.

_His spunk's now junk._

He climbed back onto the bed and then started pulling down the covers, so we could get under them. Just as he had pulled the covers up over us, I had the overwhelming urge to pee. I sat up and looked around for a shirt or something I could throw on, but they were on the other side of the room.

_Fuck. Do I hold it or just scamper to the bathroom?_

"What's wrong?"

"Um, I have to pee."

"So go pee," he laughed.

"Could you hand me a shirt or something?" I stammered, watching his face get all confused.

I didn't know how to explain that it was different for me to have him see me naked while walking around than lying down on the bed.

"Sure," he said hesitantly.

He climbed outta bed, and I nearly drooled all over myself when his ass made itself known. He picked up my Rangers shirt and walked back over to me.

I did my best to not stare at his dick.

I threw the shirt over my head and got off the bed, pulling it down a bit as I walked to the bathroom. The moment I started to pee, I could feel how sore I was. I kept my whimper to myself, becauseI didn't want Jackson to think anything was wrong. After I was done and had washed my hands, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Jackson was turning off the TV we had forgotten all about. He looked over at me and watched as I walked around the bed and got in.

"Do you wanna talk about whatever's on your mind?" he asked.

"How do you know there's something on my mind?"

He snorted before he pulled me to kneel between his open legs so I could face him.

"Talk."

"I'm just wondering, I guess, um, whether that was okay for you," I mumbled.

He started to answer, but I quickly cut him off at the pass.

"It's just that you've had sex before and I have nothing to compare it to and believe me when I say that you totally just rocked my world and was _so_ much better than what people told me it would be like so I'm worried that you didn't think it was great," I rushed out.

"You think too much," he laughed after a slight pause.

"So I've been told," I grumbled.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No," I replied, giving him a questioning look.

"That was the only thing _I _was worried about. But to answer your question, it was amazing."

My head fell forward and landed on his shoulder as I let out a little laugh of relief. His arms went around me, rubbing my back, as he let out a chuckle and kissed the side of my head.

"You really need to stop worrying so much," he whispered.

"I know, but I can't help it."

"Try to help it, because I don't wanna have to have this talk every time we get naked."

I let out a loud laugh and finally sat back on my heels.

"It's a good thing tomorrow's Sunday," I finally said.

"Why's that?"

"Didn't you say something about not letting me outta bed for a couple of days?" I teased.

"I was joking."

"I'm not."

"I'm gonna need a bigger box of condoms," he dramatically sighed.

"About that," I began as I crawled over to my side of the bed. "Why the condoms? You know I'm on birth control."

"I know, but I thought it would make you more comfortable since this isn't _my_ first time. Besides, kids at this point are not an option and I just wanted to have that double insurance policy."

"Okay. I get the kids part, because it makes sense. The comfortable part? Have you ever not used a condom before?"

"Yeah, but it was a long time ago."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Isn't this the kind of conversation you're supposed to have _before_ rolling around in the sheets?" I laughed.

"Only you and Ben can take a serious conversation and turn it into a joke."

"Uh, can we not talk about Graupner when you're naked?"

He gawked at me for a couple of seconds before I innocently leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, quickly plopping myself down and getting comfortable.

"I won't talk about Ben on one condition."

"What's that?" I asked after I'd turned around to face him.

He leaned over me and traced my lips with his tongue before kissing me.

_Have mercy, Uncle Jesse._

"Your condition?" I panted.

"Lose the shirt."

"Seriously?"

He nodded as he wagged his eyebrows, making me snicker and roll my eyes.

I sat myself up a bit and pulled the shirt over my head, astonished that I was suddenly okay with being naked when I hadn't been a few minutes ago.

"That's what I'm talking about."

"You're such a perv," I laughed.

I got resituated, facing away from him, and smiled when I felt the warmth of his naked chest against my back. He kissed my shoulder and then wrapped an arm around my waist.

I was out like a light within two minutes.

I was having _the_ greatest dream when I suddenly woke up. Yes, it was a sex dream, and yes, I was rocking Jackson's world. I was riding him like I was a jockey at the Kentucky Derby, and we were both praising Jesus as we crossed the finish line. We were about to go for round two when I woke up.

I opened one eye and finally the other, realizing that I had forgotten to take my contacts out the night before.

_Damn fucker and his penis, making me forget shit._

I groaned at the slight pain my eyes were in.

"Good morning."

I squeaked at the sound of Jackson's voice, not expecting him to be awake. He laughed and pulled me into him. I could feel Little Jackson poking the top of my thigh where it met my ass.

"Morning."

I turned around and caught Jackson's face of complete and utter glee.

"What?"

"You were making noises in your sleep."

_Shit._

"No, I wasn't," I said, though I knew he was probably right.

He leaned in and ran his nose along my neck, occasionally kissing and nipping.

"You were moaning… and squirming," he said as he dragged his hand down my body and settled on my hooha.

Sure enough, the dream had gotten me so riled up that I was wet.

"I told you," he whispered as he started playing with my clit. "Good dream?"

"You could say that," I panted.

"Are you sore?" he asked.

I shook my head furiously before I attacked his mouth.

And that was how I found out that morning sex was just as good as the before bed sex.

* * *

**Reviews are like smeksi times with Jackson: Unforgettable and a wicked good time.**


	23. Making It Last All Night (What It Do)

**Thank you for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / 98Iupj  
**

* * *

"Happy birthday!"

"Shhhh. Keep it down. I don't want people to know."

"You're twenty-four now, Suz. Everyone should know."

"Nope. It's a tragedy. I don't like the idea of getting old."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for it."

"Don't be. A trip to farm country Connecticut to visit my parents doesn't really entail male strippers and debauchery."

"Still. I should be there. I'm sorry."

"Shut up already. It's not a big deal."

"When you get to be my age, all birthdays are a big deal," I giggled.

Silence.

"Suz?"

"Did you just admit to being older?"

"Huh. I guess I did," I laughed.

"Alright. What the hell's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just admitted to being older. And you're chipper. You're ridiculously chipper."

Silence.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed into the phone.

"What?"

"You had sex!"

_How the hell does she do that?_

"How the hell do you do that?"

"I can't believe it. You had sex," she whispered.

"Yes, I did. Now, can we get off of it?"

"Fuck that shit. This was twenty-eight years in the making. Details, woman."

I gave her the basics of it, not going into any real detail because that's just gross, as I toweled off and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. By the time I was done, I could tell that she was on the verge of squeeing into the phone, possibly high enough to break my eardrums.

"Wow… Our little girl's all grown up."

"Oh, bite me, you bitch," I laughed.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Physically? Emotionally?"

"Physically, I'm fine. A little sore after this morning—"

"Again this morning?"

"Shit. Did I leave that part out?"

"Ugh. Anyways. Continue."

"The bod's okay. Sore, like I mentioned, but otherwise okay. Emotionally? I'm on a fucking high."

I heard her growl into the phone, and I stopped in my tracks.

"What was that for?"

"I'd give anything to be on a high. I haven't been on a high in a long time."

"You only have yourself to blame," I laughed. "You're too fucking picky for your own good."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "So, where's your sex machine?"

"He went out to Subway. Said he worked up an appetite," I replied, rolling my eyes. "He should be back any minute."

Suz and I had only been on the phone for a bit when I heard the buzzing of the hotel room door. Jackson walked in with a Subway sandwich in one hand and a Starbucks coffee in the other. He closed the door and turned to face me. The minute I saw him, I started to drool.

"You look hungry," he said as he leaned in to kiss me. "I thought you didn't want anything."

"I'm hungry but not for food," I smirked, standing on my tippy-toes to _really_ kiss him.

"Excuse me? Hello?" I heard coming from the phone.

I pulled away and rolled my eyes.

"Yes?"

"That was disgusting. I don't need to hear that shit."

"Sorry. Forgot I had you on the phone."

Jackson laughed and lightly bit my neck before he walked back into the kitchen area to set his food down on the counter.

"Jesus, woman. Give your vagina a rest."

"Not if I can help it," I mumbled, watching Jackson shrug out of his leather jacket and stand against the counter as he ate his sandwich.

_Keep chewing, fucker. Your jaw's giving me an open invitation to pounce on your ass._

Jackson looked up from taking a bite and caught my eye. I guess my thoughts were all over my face because he smirked and then proceeded to lick his lips.

"Suzy, I gotta go," I breathily said. "Happy birthday."

I didn't even give her a chance to say anything. I hung up, threw my phone on the couch, and made my way over to Jackson, pretty much telling him where he could find dessert.

Suzy and I had once had a discussion about the lack of sex in my life. As we were tanning on the roof of my old apartment, she revealed that she feared for whatever guy I finally lost my virginity to. When I asked her why, she said that I'd probably turn into a nympho, having years to make up for. I distinctly remember snorting and thinking she was all sorts of crazy.

I had no idea how right she would be.

It was like once the floodgates were open, everything turned into a fucking hurricane. We went at it like bunnies. Horny bunnies. Sexually deprived horny bunnies.

Monday started off normal with Jackson going to work and me lounging around the house, watching The Food Network and slipping into a movie marathon. I headed over to the hotel around my usual time and found him already in his room with the rest of the band. Once he saw me, he kicked them all out, saying something about not having his quality time with me for the day yet. The following hour was pure quality alright.

Tuesday was pretty special. Mariah's new CD had come out, and I was unbelievably fangirly. While everyone was working, I made my way to the store and bought my customary five copies of her album. I also bought Paramore's new album, because Hayley Williams is my resident rock goddess. I texted Jackson to let him know that I was going to be at the house since I didn't think it fair to subject the entire hotel with a non-stop blaring of _Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel_, regardless of how amazing it was.

By the time Jackson had made it to the house, I had listened to the album a minimum of ten times. I'm nothing if not thorough and fangirly.

I was in the middle of blaring and belting along with "Inseparable" when he walked through the front door of the house. He walked over, kissed me, and asked me how my day went. I simply pointed to the CDs on the kitchen island and beamed.

"Why did you buy five copies?"

"You really don't want me to answer that question," I laughed. "It'd scare you. You hungry? I was gonna order a pizza, but I can make something if you want."

"Pizza's good."

"Should I order for everyone, or is it just us tonight?"

"Just us, I think. Everyone else headed straight back to the hotel."

I called the nearest pizza delivery and placed our order as I watched him grab a bottle of beer from the fridge, going back to staring at the CDs on the counter.

"It's bugging me. Explain the five copies," he finally said.

"Fine. But you can't get all weird on me once I tell you. One copy I listen to, one I use as a backup in case something happens to the one I listen to, one I frame, and two I leave shrink wrapped and keep in a safety deposit box back with my other Mariah valuables."

I raised my eyebrows at him, daring him to call me crazy or something. He seemed to think it over for a bit and then finally smiled.

"Fuck, you're adorable."

I rolled my eyes and gave him a kiss. I went back to the computer and went over all of the travel details of my high school reunion. We talked until the pizza arrived, ate, and then he left me to go play the piano in the theater while I jammed out to another rotation of Mariah's fuckawesome voice.

About an hour later, we were getting naked on the living room couch. Apparently, me geeking out over Mariah made him happy which, in turn, made me happy. Twice.

Wednesday was me watching him play his guitar and the look of concentration on his face as he strummed it. The more he played, the more hot and bothered I got. He knew he was getting to me and let me know it, because he kept smirking every time I adjusted my sitting position. After about thirty minutes, I couldn't take it anymore.

Thursday was us sitting across the dining room table as we ate, everyone else oblivious to the fact that we were eye-fucking each other over his chicken parm and my eggplant parm. Or so I thought. We left before Peter could ask what was for dessert. I realized we weren't so oblivious by the sickening looks were being given as we rushed outta the room.

Friday morning was just because it was Friday morning. Later on that day, it was because I needed "comforting" after bawling my eyes out while watching _Untamed Heart_. Jackson gives great comfort, by the way.

I didn't see Jackson hardly at all that weekend which made me sad but gave my hooha a break. He and the boys were doing radio interviews and recording their album. We'd text and talk when he had time, but those moments were few and far between. It did give me time, however, to spend more time with the rest of the cast when they were around.

"Your, uh, extra-curricular activities have kept you pretty busy this past week," Nikki laughed.

Kristen and Ashley joined in while I sat there and buried my face in my hands. Thanks to the hotel's thin walls, Kellan had the unfortunate ability of hearing us one day. The girls and Rob caught the details since Dimples couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"You can stop at any moment," I grumbled.

"It's hilarious," Nikki giggled.

"Speaking of hilarious, where are the boys?"

"Taylor and Kellan are at the gym, and I think Rob's sleeping or smoking or doing something anti-social," Kristen replied. "Quit changing the subject. Is everything okay?"

"Okay?" I asked.

The three of them looked at each other before Ashley spoke up.

"The physical stuff."

"Oh! That. Uh, yeah. I'm fine," I said, waving my hand as though it was no big deal.

"Cut the crap, Iris. I mean, you don't have to give us any graphic details or anything. We just wanna make sure you're really okay," Kristen said, giving me the bitch face I'd grown to love.

"Seriously. I'm fine. It didn't hurt if that's what you wanna know. It was just weird and kind of uncomfy at first. And honestly, do you really think we'd be as, um, busy if I was in any pain or uncomfortable?"

"Good point," Ashley mumbled.

"Can we finish talking about the wonderful state my hooha's been in the past week and watch a movie or something?" I laughed.

We settled further into Ashley's couches, opting to stay at the hotel rather than go to the house, and started pigging out on popcorn before the movie began. Just as the opening credits for _Quills_ started, I mumbled a quiet thank you to the girls, letting them know that I appreciated their concern. The heavy subject of the movie quickly cut our sweet and fuzzy moment.

Jackson and the boys didn't get home until after midnight that night, but I was still wide awake. I had thrown their part of dinner in the oven a half an hour earlier when Jackson texted me so that it would be warm when they got back. They had barely eaten any lunch and were starving by the time they walked in the door. They pretty much hoovered their food, telling me bits and pieces of their day in between bites, and the boys left to go crash, Graupner smooshing me in a hug before he walked out the door. Before I could even get the dishes in the sink, Jackson was passed out in his clothes on the bed.

I woke the next morning feeling like shit. My head was pounding, my throat was sore, and I was grumpy as hell. Jackson tried playing doctor but I shoved him away, scared that I'd get him sick and it would interfere with his recording or shooting schedule. There was no way I was going to be responsible for the wig not being in full effect. Plus, I hadn't met Patch yet, Jackson's manager, and I didn't want our first encounter to be about how I'd gotten him infected with a cold or flu. I pushed him out of the door when the boys knocked a little bit later and told him to call me when he was on his way home. I dragged ass back to the bed and immediately fell asleep. A little while later, there was a knock on the door. Kellan stood there with a can of Campbell's tomato soup and a can opener.

"Jackson told me you were sick. He wanted me to make you something to make you feel better, but this is the extent of it. Sorry," he shrugged.

Despite feeling utterly shitty, I couldn't help but laugh. I took the can and can opener out of his hand, thanked him, and decided it was a good idea to get something in my system.

Every so often, someone would stop by just to see if I was feeling any better. Apparently, Jackson was bugging the shit out of all them, texting them to ask if they could check up on me since he was out for the day. I wanted to giggle and roll around in a cloud at how cute he was being, but I didn't want to seem silly so I would roll my eyes instead. He got super cute when Randee called me, asking me ten different questions about what my symptoms were.

"Really. I'm okay," I said. "I've had some soup, am forcing fluids, and have stayed in bed for the most part."

"The most part?"

"Jackson keeps telling people to check up on me," I laughed. "I'm spending some time at the front door."

"I figured. He called me when he had a few seconds free earlier and wanted to know if I could find out how you were holding up."

"He worries too much. It's not like I have the plague," I replied, smiling.

"That's my son. He plays the part of the caretaker very well."

She went on to tell me about how Jackson would always be really protective of the girls as they grew up, staring down Ryann and Kelly's dates when they came to the house, and forbidding Brittney to even speak with a boy until she was collecting social security. I told her that my parents were the complete opposite with me, always trying to get me to make friends and go out with boys instead of locking myself in my room to write or play an instrument.

"Will I be able to meet them soon?" she asked, catching me off guard.

"I, uh, I don't think so. They're not really ones to travel unless they're heading back to Mexico to visit family, and we haven't done that considering the mess that's going on there right now."

"Let me backtrack a little. When do I get meet _you_? At the premiere?"

"Premiere for…?"

"_New Moon_."

"I didn't realize I was going to the premiere."

"He hasn't discussed that with you, yet?"

"No, ma'am. To be honest, this is the first time the subject's even come up."

"I could've sworn he mentioned you were going," she mumbled.

"Well, even if he did ask, I'm not going to go."

"Why not?"

"I don't feel comfortable with all of the people and the cameras and the craziness. And there's the issue about what he would tell the press about me."

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

"Jackson having a girlfriend isn't exactly good for his career. It's better if people think he's single," I shrugged. "It makes him more appealing, I guess you could say, if his fan base believes he's obtainable."

"Hon, what do _you_ want?" she asked sweetly.

"I don't want to be in front of the cameras. I don't want to have to answer a gazillion questions. I don't want to be scrutinized and picked apart by the media or his fans. I don't want his career to possibly take a nosedive because of the fact that he's no longer single. I'd rather just not go at all."

"It wouldn't bother you to allow the public to go on thinking that you aren't a part of his life?"

"I know the truth. He knows the truth. You, Papa Rathbone, and the girls know the truth. All the important people in our lives know. That's all that matters. The public can believe whatever it wants to."

She sighed, though I could tell it wasn't in a negative way.

Even though my sore throat was going away and I was feeling a little bit better, I ended the call with Randee. I wanted to head back to the house soon but wanted to make sure that housekeeping did a thorough clean of Jackson's room, disinfecting it and changing the sheets, before they left for the day. I had been holed up in that room all day, coughing and spreading my general yuckiness around. I grabbed my things, called the front desk to let them know what the deal was, and then left Jackson my extra copy of the house key in case he had time and wanted to stop by after work.

I fell asleep watching reruns of _Law And Order: SVU_ on the living room couch. I don't know what time it was when I felt something really comfy and warm cover me. I groaned as I opened my eyes, rubbing them with my hands.

"Go back to sleep."

I looked over and found Jackson with a blanket in his hands.

"Hey. What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"A little after eleven. Go back to sleep," he repeated.

"I'm awake now," I replied as I sat up. "How was your day?"

"Crazy but nothing unusual. How are you feeling?"

"Better. That call from your mom worked wonders," I teased.

He smiled and shook his head a little. I patted the seat next to me and waited until he was seated before I laid my head in his lap.

"So, you called your mom?"

"Yeah."

"And what's this I hear about me going to the premiere?"

His eyes got a little wide, and then he shifted in his seat.

"I assumed you'd wanna go. Am I wrong?"

"Honestly? Yeah."

I watched as his face scrunched up out of confusion. I sat up and faced him, wondering if I had done something wrong.

"Don't get me wrong. I'd love to be able to go with you and see the movie before it comes out in theaters, but I can't deal with the red carpet and all the reporters and stuff. Plus, have you even talked to Patch about it?"

"Why?"

"Do you really think it's a good idea to let the world know that you're dating someone? Half of your career revolves around your image. It's better if people think that you're single. It makes all the girlies want you more, because they think they can get you," I laughed, hoping he would see it wasn't a big deal to me.

"I want you there. Does that count for anything?"

"It does. It really does. But I don't wanna deal with reporters and people scrutinizing me and everyone _knowing_ that we're together. I mean, look at Rob and Kristen. People don't even know _if_ they're together, and they get hounded all the time. I don't want that for you. And I don't want people questioning our relationship."

He sat quietly for a bit, going over what I had said. Finally, he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. His hands settled on my hips, and I started playing with the collar of his shirt.

"Would you consider going but not walking the carpet?"

"Can I do that?"

"I'll ask Patch to make it work."

"No reporters? No cameras? No 'What are you wearing?' or 'How long have you and Jackson been boinking?'"

"No," he laughed. "If you don't wanna go period, then that's that. But if it's a question about the press, then I'll ask Patch to get you inside the theater before I even step outta the limo. Is that okay?"

"Sounds good to me, but _only_ if it's okay with you and Patch and whatever peeps you have to run this by at Summit. I don't wanna cause a fuss just because I'm there."

"Good. Now that that's settled " he trailed off as he leaned in to kiss me.

"Nuh-uh," I said, backing away from him. "I'm still sick."

"Fine," he grumbled. "I'll settle for the neck then."

My giggle eventually turned into full-blown laughter as he went from kissing me to tickling me. The tickle session didn't last long since he had to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. I told him that I asked housekeeping to clean his room as much as possible in hopes that it would keep him from getting sick, and he smiled his smile which made me go all schoolgirl lovey-dovey on the inside.

"Before I forget," he said, reaching into his pocket. "Here's the key to the house."

"Keep it."

"You sure?"

"It's not like you're gonna come in here and steal anything," I laughed. "Besides, I like the idea of you having a key to the place."

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before I realized I was probably contaminating him and scooted him out the door. I told him I would be by the hotel at my usual time the next day, so I could get dinner going. He told me not to worry about it, confusing me, and smiled as he walked away.

The next day I woke up 100% better, thanking sweet baby Jesus that whatever I had didn't last longer. I called Randee to let her know that I was fully-healed and explained the premiere situation to her. She told me that she and her family, with the exception of a pretty pregnant Ryann, would be there. After I finished my internal panic attack, she ended the convo, allowing me to have an external panic attack. I called Suzy so I could fully wig out, but she never answered.

I eventually calmed down enough to get my no longer sick ass into the shower. I got ready, made a light lunch, and waited until six rolled around so I could go over to the hotel. When I got there, Jackson was jamming out with the boys in the living room. As soon as I saw what was going on, I tried to back out quietly, but Jackson wasn't having that. He motioned me for to go over, and I hesitantly sat on the floor next to his feet. They played for a little bit, me all smiles as I watched them get their creativity on, and then decided to take a break. The boys said they were going to go bug Ashley and Nikki, leaving Jackson and I alone.

"They're not staying for dinner?" I asked.

"I told them we had plans."

"We do?"

He smiled and shrugged, pulling me over to the couch. I was wondering what the hell was going on since all we did there was chat and talk about our day. Maybe ten minutes into the conversation, there was a knock on the door. He jumped up, ran to open it, said something in a hushed whisper, and then closed the door. I noticed he had a large take-out bag in his hand when he walked toward me.

"Our plans are take-out?"

He walked into the dining room and started pulling out a shitload of food. There was a salad, rolls, and what smelled like Italian food.

"Since I can't take you out, I thought I'd just try to be as fancy as possible here."

He had me sit down while he started plating my food. He would slap my hands or shove me back into my chair when I tried to help.

"What's this all about?" I asked halfway into our meal, waving my fork around.

"Just like I said. I can't take you out on a real date so I went with the next best thing. And it kind of killed me to see you so sick yesterday. I wanted to give you a break with the cooking."

"You're fucking cute. You know that?" I smiled.

"Well, I try," he said, getting all hoity-toity on me for a sec, causing me to throw a roll at his head.

We walked over to Rob's room to see if he wanted to have a cig and found just about everyone in there. We all chatted about absolutely nothing and then called it an early night around eight. It was anything but early since Jackson and I got sweaty naked together before we passed out.

Just as I was waking up the next morning, Suzy called. She had somehow managed to earn an extra fifteen minutes for lunch, so she was making the walk to Chipotle. I filled her in on the premiere situation, about meeting Jackson's family, and how I had gotten sick.

"Awww. He took care of you. That's so sweet," she teased.

"Yeah " I whispered.

"What's wrong? He's not being sweet?"

"No. He is. It's just I don't know how to explain it."

"Spit it out, Iris."

"He's just _too_ sweet, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"Ugh. I feel like a bitch when I think about it."

"You're getting tired of him," she stated.

"No! God, no. Not even close."

"So, what's the problem?"

"Do you remember that episode of _Sex And The City_ when Charlotte's talking about how sometimes you just want some serious headboard-banging sex?"

"Yeah."

"There's no headboard-banging sex going on over here."

"I thought you two were going at it like jack rabbits."

"We are, but it's all nice and sweet with the bumping of the uglies."

"And you don't want it nice and sweet?"

"This is why I didn't wanna say anything," I huffed, feeling like a douchebag. "I like the nice and sweet. Let's be honest. I like anything after my twenty-eight year drought and every time with him is like whoa. But it's almost like he's afraid he's gonna break me or something."

"Why don't you just talk to him about it?"

"And say what? 'Is the reason you're not fucking my brains out because you only love me and not find me sexy?' Yeah, that'll go over well," I snorted.

"Is that what you think the problem is?"

"I know he loves me. That's not the issue. Maybe he just doesn't find me all hot and smoldery. He doesn't ever just… take me."

"'Take you?' You really need stop reading that stupid fan fiction of yours," she laughed.

"Oh, shut the fuck up and help me out here."

"Just talk to him. Maybe he's just tired from working all the time."

"That's true. I didn't think of that," I mumbled.

I immediately dropped the subject, feeling even more like an idiot than ever, and shot the shit with Suzy while she ate her Chipotle in a park by her work.

After our talk, I decided to just not bring up the situation to Jackson. It wasn't like I was starving for sex. He and I made with the nasty almost every day, and he _always_ made sure I got to where I was going. When I really thought about it, I definitely had no cause for complaints. If anything, I had it good. Well, I had it pretty fucking great and pretty fucking often.

Rather than go over to the hotel that night, everyone decided to come over to the house. Dinner was utter mayhem as I had to fight Jackson and Graupner off while trying to finish making the chicken and dumplings. For some reason, everyone was all riled up and really excited, and the boys kept trying to dig into the cooker before the food was ready.

"Back off, or I'm grilling your faces," I threatened, waving a spatula around so they'd know I meant business.

My threat caused them both to laugh. Graupner basically tackle hugged me as a distraction, so Jackson could peek into the pot again. I heard Jerad and Uncle Larry laughing from the other side of the room. Benny was smiling from his seat at the piano.

"Why's everyone acting like crack was handed out today?"

"We're almost finished with the album," Graupner said as he planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"And we all have Friday off," Rob smiled. "Chris is coming by Thursday night with the final cut of the movie."

"Of _New Moon_?"

He nodded as he took a drink of his beer.

"Problem is that we have a party thing afterwards. We're all required to go."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I have to get dressed up," he said with a serious face.

I rolled my eyes and laughed, knowing I'd probably get the same reaction from Kristen. I noticed Peter and Bryce were off chatting by themselves, looking really fucking serious. I walked over to let them know that dinner was almost ready.

"You guys okay?"

"Yeah. We're just trying to figure something out."

"What's up?"

"Jennie and the girls are coming in for the weekend, but the party's Thursday night," Peter said. "I can take Jennie, but the girls don't really like the industry parties."

"And I'd love to take Theo, but I don't know how long I'll be required to be at this thing."

"So leave them with me," I replied.

"Seriously?"

"Sure. Why not? I'll stay with them until you guys get out of your party. We'll stay here, have dinner, watch movies, start forest fires."

"That's four kids," Bryce laughed.

"Did you forget that I'm of the Mexican persuasion?" I laughed, pointing to myself. "I raised two little brothers and roughly six cousins growing up. Four's nothing. If it's cool with the kids and the spouses, I'm happy to have to someone to play with Thursday night."

The moment I got up and walked away, I heard both Bryce and Peter hop on their cell phones. When I got a sweet smile from Bryce and a dramatically tight hug from Peter, I had my plans for Thursday night.

Just as everyone was helping themselves to dinner, Jackson pulled me outside so we could smoke a cig.

"You're babysitting for Peter and Bryce?"

"Yeah. They wanted to go to the party thingy but didn't know what to do about the kids."

"You don't wanna go with me?" he suddenly asked.

I turned to look at him, wondering if he was being serious and I had fucked up again, but he was smirking.

"Jerk," I laughed, slapping him in the chest.

"Even if I could take you, I didn't think you'd want to go."

"Get all dressed up and deal with fancy shmancy industry people when I could be pigging out with kids who have the same maturity level as I do? Yeah, I think not."

Five minutes later, he had me shoved up against the wall of the house with our tongues down each other's throats as we shivered from the cold.

"If you two don't stop sucking face, there won't be any food left for you to eat."

We pulled apart enough just in time to see Jerad's back as he walked away from us. We hurried inside as the full force of the cold hit us and joined everyone else at the dinner table.

The next couple of days were pretty much full of the usual. Jackson went to work, Jackson came back, Jackson and I had all of the sex. We talked more in detail about the fact that he was going to be flying back and forth to Boston every weekend since filming for his new movie had begun. He laid out his schedule for me, and I realized that I was losing him to Red Sox country the morning right after the _New Moon_ screening and industry party. He prepared me for the fact that he wouldn't really have time to talk and I accepted it, knowing it was part of him being who he was. He had to work, and there was no way I was going to complain or interfere with that.

He did get a little grumpy on me when I reminded him that my high school reunion was coming up in a week or so. Even though the main festivities were happening on a weekend, I was going to fly back to New Mexico in the middle of the week so I could see the family in Albuquerque for a bit before I drove down to Roswell. When I casually mentioned that one of the boys I had gone to school with, one of the other kids considered an outcast at the time, had found me on Facebook and asked if I wanted to meet up with him so we could brave the shit that was the reunion together, Jackson was suddenly all ears. He wanted to know who he was, why he was suddenly contacting me, and then wanted to see what he looked like. I went from being shocked to laughing hysterically.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. Just pull up this fucker's account and let me see what he's all about."

"Oh, wow," I laughed, opening up Facebook and going to Richard's account.

"There. Happy now?"

"He's a doctor?"

"Yeah. Pretty cool, huh? He went from the kid who was always being picked and nobody ever thought would amount to anything to becoming a doctor."

"You don't have a secret fetish for doctors, do you?"

"You're being ridiculous. I hope you realize that. No, I don't have a secret fetish for doctors. I do, however, have a not-so-secret fetish for boys who are actors, play in bands, and are named Jackson. Kinda narrows the playing field down a bit, don't you think?"

I wanted to laugh and cry at the fact that he seemed worried and jealous about someone he had no business worrying or being jealous about. Instead, he got a blow job. If that wasn't going to get him to shut up about it, nothing would. Luckily, he shut up about it.

I woke up Thursday morning a little earlier than usual. I wanted to head to the grocery store to stock up on healthy food I could pass off as junk food for the kiddies. After taking everything back to the house, I headed over to Burger King before making my way back to the hotel. In true Iris fashion, I ended up getting half the burger and most of the ketchup on me. I grumbled as I got outta my clothes, taking my bra off as well since I was alone and felt like free boobing it, and decided I was just too fucking lazy to get into another outfit. I threw on one of my white tank tops just so I wasn't a complete brazen slut.

I'd figure out something to wear when Peter and Bryce came over with their kids.

Some time later, I called Juanita. It'd been a while since we had spoken and it took me forever to fill her in on what was going on. She flipped a fucking shit when I told her that Jackson and I had finally slept together. As much as she whined and pressed on about it, there was no way I was gonna give her the gory details. I definitely shut her down when she asked me how big he was.

She asked me how things with the house and the car were. When I mentioned to her that the car was making a strange grinding noise, she put her dad on the phone to give me the name of a local business that could look into it and fix it for me right away. As I was pulling my monkey pen out of my purse, the cap went flying between the bed and the nightstand. I took down the information, thanked him, and then talked to Juanita for another hour or so. I called to check in with my parents, thankful that my mom and I had somehow managed to not get into another argument, and relayed my flight information and trip details. When I finally got off the phone, I threw myself into looking for the pen cap.

I was still down on all fours looking for the damn thing when I heard the door open.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jackson yelled out, causing me to giggle.

"How was work today, dear?" I retorted, feeling totally awesome using my Donna Reed voice.

"It was okay."

I heard him put something down in the living room area and his footsteps shuffle.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in here. What are you doing back so early?"

"David said we got everything we needed to get and let us go since he knew the screening and party were tonight."

"Oh."

"Marco!" he yelled out.

"Polo," I giggled back.

"What are you doing down there?" he asked, his voice sounding much closer so I knew he was in the room.

"Looking," I began as I stood up, "for this!" I smiled, holding the monkey cap up.

I stood there waiting for him to say something, but he never did. He stared. He stared as if he had never seen me before and was trying to figure out why some chick he had never met was standing in his hotel room, freakishly happy that she had found one half of a pen.

"Babe, you okay?"

"What are you wearing?" he asked, his eyes roaming over me.

"Oh. I dropped half of my lunch on my clothes. You know me. I'm a messy eater," I chuckled as I looked down at my boy shorts and tank top.

I was walking past him to the closet so I could put some clothes on when he grabbed me really hard by the elbow and pulled me back to him. He walked me backward until my back hit the wall. His body had mine pinned against it, and all I could do was drop the pen I had in my hand. He leaned his left arm up against the wall as he stared directly into my eyes.

"Is this what you've been wearing all day?" he smirked.

"Y-yeah. I was just gonna put some clothes on. You looked as – "

I didn't get a chance to finish my explanation, because he shoved his tongue into my mouth. And really, who am I to complain about that?

His hands immediately cupped my face as my fingers found their way to his belt loops, and I pulled him even closer to me. His leg moved its way between mine, pushing them apart. He continued to kiss me - we were practically eating each other's faces - but he moved his hands from my face. They traveled over my shoulders and down my arms. When he reached my hands, he interlocked our fingers together.

He said something, but I couldn't tell what it was since our faces were stuck together.

Being the verbose human being I am, I simply whimpered instead of actually asking him to repeat what he had said. As his mouth and tongue moved harder against mine, he squeezed my fingers. One of his legs was now pushing up against me, making Cooter Central really happy, and giving me some of that oh-so-sweet friction I needed. I fucking whimpered _again_.

"Like that?" he whispered, moving on to bite and nip at my neck.

"Oh, fuck," I heaved.

He suddenly let go of my hands, leading me to believe he was going to stop. Instead, _his_ hands made their way underneath the hem of my shirt. He ran his fingers back and forth across my stomach, alternating between toying with the top of my boy shorts and the bottom of the shirt. It was almost as if he couldn't decide which article of clothing to deal with first. Two seconds later, he made his decision when he pulled my tank top up over my head and threw it across the room somewhere. His hands grabbed at my breasts roughly, squeezing and pinching my nipples. I reached up to grab his hair and pull his face back to mine so that I could kiss him. I saw him shake his head as he smirked again. He moved his face to my neck, and I felt the tip of his tongue where it met with my shoulder. He trailed it down over my collarbone, between the twins, and toward my stomach. He kissed it, which I thought was odd, and then dipped his tongue into my belly button, taking me by complete surprise at the action and the sensation it caused.

"Oh, holy shit "

I heard him chuckle before he moved his way back up my front, still making with the kissing and licking. Suddenly, I felt his breath on my left twin. As he took my right in his hand, roughly palming it, he began to tongue, flick, suck, and bite my nipple. I arched my back off the wall and into him, praising baby Jesus for the effect he was having on me. When I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he switched to my right, doubling up on the sensations coursing through me.

My fingers began working on the buttons of his shirt, desperately trying to get it off. When I finally did, besides feeling totally fucking hot at what Jackson was doing, I was a little frustrated that he had another shirt on underneath. I grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pushed him away from me so I could remove it. Once it was off, he went straight for my boy shorts, tugging them until they were on the ground and I kicked them away. He began to kiss me again, and I started working on his belt. By the time I had it undone and began moving his pants and boxer briefs down, his right hand moved to my vajayjay. He moved his fingertips up and down the slit, and without warning, pushed two into me. I was momentarily stunned at how aggressive he was being, never having been this way with me before, and wondered if the sex gods had heard my pleas. He pumped them in and out, moving at a furious pace. Suddenly, his thumb was pushing on my clit, working in circles. I whimpered and panted, forgetting my task for the slightest moment. When I regained some composure, I gripped his dick, causing him to slightly falter for a bit. I squeezed him, making sure I was looking him right in the eyes as I did, before I took my hand to my mouth and licked it. I kept my eyes on him as I brought my hand back down to his dick and started stroking him.

"Fuck," he hissed.

As I moved my hand up and down, stroking and pumping, his fingers moved even faster. My orgasm came out of nowhere and hit with the force of a truck.

"Shit! Jesus!"

Before I could come down, he removed his fingers, grabbed my ass with both hands, and hoisted me up. I moved my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life. He pushed into me without warning and began moving in and out of me with an energy he had never used before. I absolutely loved it.

It was then I realized that he wasn't making love to me – he was fucking me.

And we were fucking without a condom.

If I thought sex with Jackson was amazing before, holy shit on a stick, I really had no idea. The fact that I could actually feel him and not the condom was enough to make my eyes roll back into my head.

The force he was using was making me bounce, adding to the feeling when I would come slamming back down on him, and all I could do was lean my head back against the wall, keeping my eyes shut as tight as possible.

I felt his mouth on me, alternating between flicking and biting each nipple. All I could do was pant and moan and make noises I thought only actually happened in pornos.

I grabbed his hair, slightly pulling on it as I kissed him, and I heard him moan. I felt his right hand move from my ass and he put pressure on my clit again, making me cum a second time. I threw my head back, going back to the moaning and panting and releasing anything else that would escape my mouth.

I'm pretty sure I called on Jesus again.

Because his pants were still around his ankles, he shuffled us over to the bed as he grabbed and squeezed my ass while I sucked on his neck. He pulled out of me and practically threw me on the bed. I watched as he kicked his pants away, his aggressiveness absolutely evident by how fast he was moving and the look in his eyes. I scooched back toward the middle of the bed when he began to crawl toward me. Instinctively, I parted my legs and waited for him to settle between them. Instead, he grabbed me from underneath both knees. His hands moved down to my ankles and then pushed my legs against my chest, my ankles resting on his shoulders. Before I could react or say anything, he pushed right back into me even though I still hadn't completely come down from the second orgasm.

"Oh, God! You're gonna fuckin kill me," I panted.

"Just wait, Baby Girl," he smirked.

Before I could say any more, the fucker started fucking me again. He leaned a little forward and pounded into me.

I screamed. I moaned. I yelled. I called on Jesus so many times, people walking by the hotel room probably thought we were religious zealots.

"You feel so fucking good," he breathed heavily. "So. Fucking. Good."

He suddenly leaned back, parted my legs, and leaned forward again, finally connecting chest-to-chest with me. I reached up and grabbed his head, forcefully pushing my mouth on his. Despite the work he was doing in my mouth, his hips never let up. He was still fucking me like the world was going to end, and this was the last time we would ever be together. I felt that tingly feeling in my lower stomach again, and I wondered if it was possible to die from cumming too many times in a row.

"I'm. Going. To. Cum. Again."

"I'm so fucking close," he panted.

His movements became more erratic, letting me know he was about to lose it. Just when I thought he was going to cum before I would, I came. I came like a bitch in heat. I fucking thought my body was going to literally explode. I felt myself constrict around him as my body arched off the bed, and I practically screamed. I heard him grunt as he pounded even harder into me. Just as he started to cum, he kissed me really fucking hard. He pulled away from me for a few seconds, his hips letting up on the frantic pace he had been keeping, and then let his head rest on my shoulder as he finally stopped all together. Even still, he didn't pull out of me.

"Holy shit," I heaved, pushing my hair away from my face. "I have no idea what got into you, but we are doing _that_ again."

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, breathing heavily into where my neck and shoulder meet.

"Believe me. I am _more_ than fine," I laughed.

We laid there for a bit, him still on top of and inside me. I was a happy little clam, so I could've stayed that way forever. He eventually pushed himself up, using his forearms to hover over me and kiss me, and pulled out. He rolled off of me, still panting a bit, and grabbed my hand. He kissed it so tenderly, it made me wonder what was going on inside his mind.

"What are you thinking?"

"It was the outfit."

"What?"

"What you're wearing. Or what you _were_ wearing. I've never seen you in something like that. It was fucking hot," he laughed.

"Had I known that I'd get this kind of reaction out of you, I would've started wearing shit like that a long ass time ago."

I stayed still for a bit, trying to take in the fact that I had just gotten my wish and my brains were officially fucked out. Around the minute mark, I realized I was actually leaking onto the bed.

One of the hazards of not using a condom, I guess.

I jumped up and ran into the bathroom, yelling through the door that I had to get ready and be presentable for when Peter and Bryce came by with the kids. I quickly showered, smiling the entire time as I thought about what had just happened, and got dressed, opting to get into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie since it was so cold out.

Jackson hopped in right after I got out, taking his usual three minute shower, and then dressed. I was too busy running around, making sure I had everything I needed ready so I could leave the moment the kids arrived, to notice that Jackson was getting decked out. Well, as decked out as he would allow himself. He was wearing his usual jeans and boots, but he added a new button down shirt and a jacket to his ensemble, bringing it all together by pulling his hair back and exposing his drool-worthy face.

"How do I look?" he smiled.

"Good enough to eat."

"I could say the same," he smiled, raising his eyebrows at me.

I snorted, knowing for a fact that his statement wasn't true. He had just proved that when he said that it was my barely there outfit that caused his cock to stand at attention.

I figured, then, that it would be a good idea to talk about it, hoping to get it all out in the open before everybody arrived.

I watched as he poured himself a fresh cup of coffee, internally laughing at the fact that it was almost six in the evening and his coffee addiction was still in full force. He sat down on the couch, eyeing me as I straightened any little thing that was out of place just to keep from making eye contact with him. Before I could stop myself, I turned my back to him and blurted out what was exactly on my mind.

"So, do I have to walk around in my underwear any time I want you to fuck me or was today just a special occasion?"

I heard the coffee come spraying out of his mouth and then him coughing and hacking. I quickly turned around, worried that he might've gotten his outfit dirty, and sighed a little when I realized he hadn't. I grabbed a dishtowel and walked over, kneeling on a dry part of the carpet, and started wiping down the coffee table.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. Nevermind," I mumbled.

"Baby Girl, _what_ did you just say?"

I scrunched up my face and blew a raspberry, reminding myself that I wanted to have this conversation with him.

"It's just… You said it was my teeny tiny outfit that made you go all caveman on me. Do I have to dress like that every time I want you to go caveman again?"

He stared at me, his eyes wider than normal, and tried saying something. When I realized just how caught off guard he was, I decided to explain myself.

"You've never been that way with me. It's always been nice and sweet and slow, not that there's anything wrong with that. I certainly get my jollies. I just didn't know if it was, because you didn't want me like _that_. I know you love me and all, but you never seem to _want_ me want me. I mean, is it a sexy thing? Am I just not sexy? Because I can work on that. I can buy slutty outfits or something. I'm pretty sure Victoria's Secret carries crotchless undies," I joked, still not looking him in the eyes as I wiped down the coffee table over and over.

I waited for him to respond, and when he didn't, I finally got the courage to look at him. His elbows were resting on his knees and his head was shaking back and forth, his eyes trained on the carpet. I could've sworn he was sporting a small smile. I sighed, knowing I was probably right and he felt horrible for knowing that I now knew what the deal was.

"It's not that," he suddenly said.

Just as I was ready to have that conversation with him, we were interrupted. The knock on the door and the sounds of little kids in the hallway let me know that Peter or Bryce, probably both, were on the other side.

I got up off my knees, sighing yet again, and threw the dishtowel in the sink.

"We're not done talking about this," I heard him say behind me.

"What's to talk about?" I asked, light and cheery, trying not to let my whiney and crybaby self come through.

I opened the door and was greeted by a bunch of smiley faces. The moment I saw the girls and Theo, I completely forgot about how upset I was. The girls were chatting away, talking about slumber parties and how they were going to braid and style each other's hair. Theo was babbling, his cute little face showing off his little teeth, and holding on to some toy he couldn't take his eyes off of.

"You're a brave, brave woman."

I looked up and saw Jennie's slightly worried face. It immediately turned into a smile when she saw me coming at her for a hug, happy to see her after not for so long.

"Are you sure you can handle all of them at once?" she asked.

"Please. They'll be lucky to keep up with _me_. I got all sorts of plans for us tonight."

Seth, Bryce's husband, walked me down to his car so I could grab Theo's car seat, letting me use the extra one he had for Fiona so I wouldn't have to ask Peter or Jennie to step outside and give me theirs. He then helped me arrange and secure them in my car. Once that was done, he walked me back upstairs, letting me know Theo's usual sleep time, any allergies, and things I could do to get him to stop crying if he started.

I walked back into the room, watching as Lola sat next to Jackson and asked him a million questions while Theo was trying to get his attention by waving the toy in his face.

It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

I took the opportunity to ask Peter and Jennie about any allergies or quirks the girls might have. Each parent told me that they expected to be out of the party thingy no later than midnight and that they really appreciated my help for the night. We exchanged info and then I gave Jackson a quick kiss, earning me a teasing "Ooooh" from Luca, before I managed to get all four kids out of the room, into the elevator, and then into the car.

I drove slower than usual to the house and managed to get everyone there in one piece. As soon as everyone was inside the house, I made sure all the doors were locked and then showed them the different rooms they were allowed to play in. The girls asked if they could go swimming, and even though the pool room had a ceiling and the water was heated, I opted out of it, not wanting anyone to get sick from the cold air outside. They grumbled a little bit before I reminded them that they had the game room at their disposal.

Since the kids didn't get to eat before they were left with me, Luca watched the little ones while I made a quick dinner. It was quite the experience having Theo and Fiona both on my lap as we all tried to eat at the table.

Afterwards, we spent about an hour in the game room until their attention spans wore out and they got bored. Feeling a little bad about the pool situation, I asked them if they wanted to go camping. When their eyes got wide and smiled like kids on Christmas, I knew I had them. They seemed a little confused when I walked them back into the living room instead of outside, but I explained that I thought we could set up the tent in the living room where we could lounge in front of the fireplace and watch a movie.

I set up the playpen for Theo and Fiona to sit in, Luca and Lola keeping them occupied, while I moved the couches back and the coffee table out of the way, making enough room for the tent I had found in Juanita's shed the day Suzy and I had the water fight.

Half an hour later, with two newly-forming bruises and a fresh scratch on my arm, the tent was set up. Amazingly, Theo and Fiona were excited about the tent and quickly made their way inside. The girls lined the bottom of the tent with half a dozen blankets while I started the fire in the fireplace, making sure the screen was in place so a fire of epic proportions didn't break out.

When all of the kids were busy with one another, I quickly ran downstairs, grabbed _Finding Nemo_, and ran back upstairs to put it in the DVD player. I knew luck was really with me when they all shouted about how much they loved Dory and couldn't wait to see the part where Nemo touched "the butt."

I turned out the lights, double checked that the doors were locked, sent Peter and Bryce a text that their kids were still alive and doing well, and then huddled into the tent with them. Everyone got all wrapped up in the blankets, and we watched in awe as Nemo went on his adventure. I'm not ashamed to say that I was just as caught up in the movie as the kids. I even sang along with them during the "Just Keep Swimming" scene.

Halfway through the movie, Theo and Fiona fell asleep. I waited until the movie was over to place them both in the playpen, covering them in blankets, and being utterly thankful that I hadn't had anything go wrong, knowing that I was in charge of some pretty important kids. Luca, Lola and I stayed up a little while longer, not letting me out of having my hair worked on. We brushed and braided each other's hair, though mine ended up in a knot somehow. We talked a little, them telling me how warm California was compared to Vancouver and how things at school were going, and then they both passed out in the tent an hour later.

I texted Bryce and Peter again to let them know their kids were asleep, and I immediately received a call back from Peter.

"I was just going to call you. You still alive?" he laughed.

"Barely. Just kidding. Your kids are unbelievably well-behaved. We all ate, camped out in the living room, and watched a movie. The babies fell asleep about an hour ago, and the girls just passed out."

"They're really good kids until it's time to go to bed, and then they'll fight you on it until they're too exhausted to go on," he laughed again. "So, we should be outta here in less than an hour. Is that okay with you?"

"That's fine. You know, if you and the Mrs. wanna stay out longer or just wanna make it a night for yourselves, the kids can stay here."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They're all sleeping anyway. If you came to get them, they'd probably just wake up and fight you on going back to sleep."

"Hold on a second."

I waited for a little bit, the background noise fading out, and then heard Peter relaying the information to someone, probably Jennie.

"Are you sure it's okay? Jennie says we can pick up the kids as planned if you need us to."

"It's fine. Don't worry. Go and have fun. In fact, I insist you stay out. I need you to keep an eye on Jackson for me," I lightly laughed, a little surprised I hadn't heard from him all night. "Why don't you guys stop by here for breakfast in the morning? I'll make something really Mexican."

He and Jennie both thanked me and then went back to partying, letting me know that Jackson was having a good time and spending some time at the bar. I called Bryce and let her know that Peter's kids were staying overnight, offering to let Theo stay, as well. She said it was fine with her but wanted to check with Seth before making a final decision. She called me back a few minutes later and thanked me for allowing her to have a night out without having to worry about her baby boy.

Even though it was still early for me, I decided to go ahead and sleep. I sent Jackson a text and then settled on the couch, falling asleep a little while later.

_Open the front door – J Action_

I stared at the message for a couple of seconds, letting my eyes adjust to the fact that I had fallen asleep with my contacts in again, before I glanced up at the door. I stretched a little and then walked over, opening the door quietly so it wouldn't wake the kids. Jackson was there, slightly bent over as he leaned each hand against either side of the door. He looked up at me and smirked.

"Baby, what are you doing here? I thought you were at the party thingy?"

"I got hungry," he lightly chuckled.

The confusion must've been written on my face, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he pulled me onto the porch and reached behind me to close the door. He pushed me against the house and kissed me. It wasn't the lovey type of kiss I was used to. This one was a lot like the one from that afternoon's fuck fest. He brought his hands up to my face as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. Lord, help me, but I couldn't stop the moaning I was doing. I could taste the beer he had been drinking, but I didn't care. I _loved_ this kiss. When neither of us could breathe anymore, he moved from my mouth to my neck.

"Baby, are you drunk?"

"A little," he nodded his head.

"You should probably eat some bread or something to absorb the alcohol," I panted.

I felt his cold hands as they moved to my waist and slip beneath the hem of my shirt.

"I _am_ hungry," he smirked.

_Did they not feed him at this fucking party?_

I grabbed his hand and opened the door, putting my finger up to my mouth to let him know that he needed to be quiet. I dropped his hand once we were inside and walked over to the tent, peeking in to make sure the girls were still sleeping. I checked out the babies in the playpen before I headed over to the kitchen, noticing that Jackson was leaning against the island and watching me. I walked past him to the cupboard and pulled out a loaf of bread. I grabbed some lunch meat, mayo, and lettuce outta the fridge to make him a sandwich. As I was spreading the mayo on a piece of bread, his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me back into him. He moved my hair to the side and began kissing on my neck. I hummed.

"I'm hungry," he repeated again.

"Lemme finish making you this sandwich, then," I said, snapping out of it and slapping his hands on my waist.

Instead of giving me an answer, his right hand moved to the top of my sweats and dipped under. I felt his fingers move down, cup my hooha, and then pull my underwear to the side. I dropped the butter knife in my hand, wincing at how loud it was, and gripped the counter with both hands.

"Jackson, what are you doing?" I half whispered, half heaved.

"I told you," he husked, moving his fingers up and down my slit.

_Jesus, that feels good._

He started playing with my clit, making me drop my head and lightly moan, and I felt my legs go all Jell-o. Suddenly, he pulled his hand out from my pants and turned me around. I watched as he brought his fingers to his mouth, eye-fucking me the entire time, as he cleaned them off.

_Oh, holy fuck._

My eyes got really big as I watched him. I don't know why, but it was fucking hot. He quietly laughed again and then took me by my hand, leading me out towards the backyard. I pulled against him and dragged him to the hallway instead, wanting to find out what the hell was going on with him but not wanting to leave the kids entirely alone. He opened the first door we came to and ushered me in, the bright light of the bathroom hurting my eyes just a bit.

"What's gotten into you?" I asked.

Rather than answer me, he palmed my boobs. He kept fondling the twins as he leaned in and kissed me. The deeper he kissed me, the rougher his hands got.

"Jackson, we can't do this. The kids are right outside," I panted once his mouth left to work on a boob over the shirt I was wearing.

"They're sleeping."

"What if they wake up?"

"They won't."

Knowing I was probably going to ask another question, he kissed me again, leaning me against the bathroom sink. The kiss was slow but really intense and it made me forget everything else around me, no matter how irresponsible it might've been. Suddenly, his mouth left mine and I opened my eyes to watch him drop to his knees, his boots making scraping noises against the tiled floor. He started pulling my sweatpants down, taking my boy shorts with them and all I could do was put my hands in his hair, no longer held together in a ponytail.

_He's really gonna do this!_

He physically moved my legs for me so that I could step out of my sweats and I watched as he threw them to the side, that smirk never leaving his face. Before I could say anything, he brought my right leg up and hitched it over his shoulder so my knee settled on it. I was completely open and exposed, and truth be told, I didn't give a shit.

His hands grabbed at my waist to bring me even closer to him. I looked down at him, finally catching his gaze. Without taking his eyes off me, I watched as his tongue peeked out and licked my clit.

I moaned like a prostitute.

I closed my eyes as my head fell back. I felt his tongue do a sweep from my entrance back up to my clit. He kept making passes up and down my slit, and when he began sucking on my clit, I almost lost it. I started heaving and panting. His right hand moved from my hip and slid down my left thigh to my knee and trailed back up my inner thigh. Without removing his mouth from me, he moved his hand to my vajayay and pushed one finger in, causing my hips to buck against him. I couldn't take the feeling of his finger inside me while he licked me at the same time, reminding me of the fact that he hadn't done it since the first time we slept together. I was on total sensory overload. He kept humming against my clit, and the vibrations were making my head spin. Add that to the fact that he had added a second finger, I was pretty much done.

I was panting and moaning and generally sounding like a whore in the back of a car on a Saturday night. I knew I was about to cum but I couldn't even remember what my name was, let alone say anything about it to Jackson. Suddenly, out of nowhere, his teeth grazed my clit. I came so fucking hard, I thought I was going to pass out. He continued to push his fingers into me as my body shook.

Before I had even come down from my high, Jackson stood up and turned me around so I was facing the mirror above the sink and he was standing directly behind me. I heard his belt unbuckle, the zipper as it was brought down, and then his pants as they hit the floor at his feet. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back a little.

"Put your hands on the sink," he ordered.

I did as I was told and then looked behind me, watching as he grabbed his dick and stroked himself while he moved my legs a little further apart. I felt the head of his dick as he passed it up and down my slit, making me do that prostitute moan thing as I faced forward again, our eyes finally meeting in the reflection of the mirror. Without warning, he pushed into me.

"Oh, fuck!"

He pulled out, leaving the tip inside me, and then slammed back into me. His grip on my waist got even tighter, and he began to thrust in and out of me. I heard him pant and grunt every time he pushed into me, and all I could do was whimper at how good it felt.

We weren't using a condom again so it was just him and me, skin on skin, and I felt _everything_. Plus, we'd never had sex in that position before and it was a completely different feeling, one that made me wanna scream and praise Jesus at the same time.

He kept fucking me, his pace never letting up, and would grunt or say something I couldn't understand since I was making my own porn-worthy noises.

"Do you get it now?" he grunted, finally understanding him.

_Oh, I'm getting it alright._

"I always fucking want you. Always."

I couldn't give him any other response than the "Don't fucking stop" I kept repeating.

I don't know how long we went at it like that for. How he was keeping up that pace, I had no idea. The tingly feeling in my stomach was back, and I knew I was about to cum again. I gripped the sink tighter as my breathing increased, and I felt my orgasm about to hit. I guess Jackson knew, because one of his arms went around my waist while the other ended up between my legs. He rubbed my clit, and I practically screamed when I came. He kept thrusting into me, grunting that he loved me. As soon as I was calm enough, I looked up and met his eyes in the mirror again. The moment it happened, he came. His head fell back, his eyes shut tight, and he panted and moaned through it. He eventually slowed pushing into me and then stopped, letting his head flop forward and rest on my back.

He pulled out the moment our breathing had gone back to normal. Almost sheepishly, he grabbed one of the hand towels hanging next to the sink and handed it to me. I cleaned myself up while he pulled himself together, getting dressed. Not knowing the appropriate protocol for a cum-on-towel scenario, I threw it away, reminding myself to buy Juanita a new one and hoping she'd never know the difference.

Remembering that we weren't alone and worried about how loud I had been, I threw my boy shorts and sweats back on, slowly opening the bathroom door. I peeked my head out and listened, waiting to hear or see any sign that I had royally fucked up while getting royally fucked. After a solid minute of absolutely nothing, I closed the door and leaned my back against it.

"They okay?"

"Still sleeping."

He nodded and then moved forward, putting his arms on my waist.

"This isn't the place I wanted to have this conversation," he began," but it's better than saying this later."

"Okay…"

"I love you, and I want you. I want you all the time. If I had my way, we'd never get out of bed."

I laughed even though I didn't mean to.

"I guess I was holding back because we just started sleeping together, and I wanted you to know that it's not just about the sex for me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh,'" he repeated, mocking me. "It's not about you not being sexy. Because you are. Whether you're in sweats, butt ass naked, or sick and being grumpy as shit."

I snorted, feeling my face get hot and knowing I was turning red at his words.

"Besides," he continued, wrapping his arms all the way around me. "I was worried about hurting you."

"Hurting me?"

"You _just_ had sex for the first time. As much as I wanna get all up in there," he laughed, "you're my first priority. Got it?"

"Got it."

He pushed me a little harder against the door as he cupped my face and kissed me. If it wasn't for the fact that I heard movement in the living room, we probably would've kept at it.

As we left the bathroom, Lola was coming out of the tent and Theo started crying.

"What are you doing here?" she yawned.

"I wanted to crash your slumber party," he smiled.

She smiled back as she stretched and then asked me for a glass of water. I picked up Theo, rocking him back and forth to get him to stop crying, as I watched Jackson and Lola go over to the kitchen for her glass of water. I finally got Theo back to sleep and placed him in the playpen next to Fiona. Lola, Jackson, and I talked for a little bit before she climbed back into the tent and crashed.

Jackson and I fell asleep on the couch together.

"Ow."

"Ow."

"Wake up," I heard a voice whisper.

I groaned and tried rolling over, almost squishing Jackson since he was behind me on the couch. I opened my eyes and found Luca and Lola staring at us. Lola poked me in the forehead again.

"Are you awake?" she asked.

"I am now," I mumbled.

"Yay! What's for breakfast?"

Over the next hour, all the kids woke up and just about everybody came over for breakfast. As promised, I made _huevos rancheros_, hoping it was Mexican enough to make Peter happy. Jennie was all smiles as the girls told her about what they did the night before, laughing at how I had crawled into the tent with them. Bryce and Seth kept thanking me for taking Theo for the night, mentioning that they didn't stay out too late but were able to enjoy the night without worrying.

As we all sat at the table, those who had seen the screening joked with me about the final cut of _New Moon_, laughing that Emmett and Jacob had an abs off and Bella died when she jumped off the cliff, ending the movie there. I was a little bummed that I didn't get to meet Chris Weitz, the director, mentioning to Rob and Kristen that I liked his ears. I didn't think my little ear crush on the man was that funny, but it was enough to cause the cast to break out into laughter.

Maybe there was an inside joke or something.

Jackson didn't get to stay long since his flight to Boston left a couple of hours later. He dragged me out onto the porch, gave me a kiss that would spin most heads, and then told me he would text me when he landed. Jerad was going to be joining him and the rest of the Monkeys were going back to Los Angeles so they left with him, as well.

Just as soon as Jackson texted me that he was on the plane and that he loved me, everyone else began to leave the house.

The girls hugged me and thanked me for having them over. I spent a couple of minutes holding Theo and Fiona, squishing their little faces and basically adoring the hell out of them.

After another round of thank yous from the parental units, they left, leaving me alone until later in the day when I said I would go by and visit Nikki for the afternoon.

I cleaned up breakfast and hopped in the shower, thinking over everything that had happened between Jackson and I the previous day. I thought over his words, him telling me that he thought I was sexy, something that made me almost cringe because I definitely didn't see myself that way, and realized just how lucky I had it.

I had a boyfriend who thought I was sexy. I had a boyfriend who admitted to wanting to ravage me every second of every day. I had a boyfriend who loved me so much that he worried about the ravaging.

As I was driving over to the hotel to meet up with Nikki, I had an idea. I wanted Jackson to know just how important he was to me. Saying "I love you" was a big enough deal for me, but I wanted to _do_ something to show him how much.

I picked up my iPhone, putting it on speaker so my ass wouldn't get pulled over by the Canadian popo, and dialed the only person who could help me with my plan.

"_Bueno_?"

"Mom? _Necesito que me ayudes con algo_."

* * *

_********__Bueno? – Hello?_

_**Necesito que me ayudes con algo – I need you to help me with something**_

**Reviews are like watching Jackson with little kids: They make me coo and get all giddy.**


	24. I'll Be Loving You Long Time

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / awnItA  
**

* * *

I didn't get to see Jackson again until he got out of work Monday night. He was so exhausted from his shoot in Boston, he went straight back to the hotel on Sunday and crashed, only to be up a few hours later. He was practically falling asleep when I visited, the coffee not really doing much for him, that I left him after only an hour so he could catch up on his sleep. I ended up hanging out with Rob and Kristen for a bit.

The favor I had asked Mom for arrived on Wednesday. The moment I picked it up from the post office, I went to work. I was determined to do the whole thing right. I didn't wanna fuck it up after having let Jackson know that it was especially for him. It was too big of a deal to me, and considering I was going to let him in on it right before the movie was scheduled to finish shooting and we left Vancouver, it was important that I get it down pat.

Thursday night, Jackson and I were lounging around, not really doing anything but watching TV, when it dawned on me that he would be flying back to Boston the next day and I would be flying back for my high school reunion the middle of the next week.

"You know, we really haven't talked about what's going to happen once you guys are done working here."

He slightly shifted from his position, his head in my lap so I could give him a head massage. I didn't know what else to say so I just kept my fingers moving in his hair, now black due to his role for _Girlfriend_.

"We have a couple of shows in LA, and then there's the premiere."

"I know."

"But…"

"The premiere thing for me's taken care of, right?"

"Yeah. Patch arranged it so you could ride with Ashley in her car, and then you can just walk into the theater and avoid all of the press."

"Okay."

"What else is going on up there?" he asked, his arm reaching up and his fingers moving into my hair to cradle the side of my head.

"I mean, I'm down for the premiere. Actually, I'm wigging out about what to wear and all that jazz, but I just don't know what I'm doing between leaving here and the premiere. Do I fly home or go back to New York or what?"

"I assumed you'd come back with me to LA. It's only a couple of weeks between when we leave and the premiere, and I thought you might want to be there for the shows. And you've never been to LA, so I thought I could play tour guide," he smiled.

I smiled back, relieved that I wouldn't have to shell out more money for a flight back and forth. I hadn't told Jackson, but I was running low on my savings. It wasn't bad enough that I needed to ask for help, but I had to keep enough in the bank to be able to fly back to New York, pay rent for a couple of months, and do the little things in life that mattered… like eat.

"Did you really think I'd have you do all of that travelling?"

"I didn't know if you needed those weeks to yourself to do Monkeys or movie stuff. I didn't wanna bring it up and then have you deal with me when you're busy."

"I have a few things to do but nothing that'll take up too much time. The guys wanted to take a few days to relax before we officially start the tour."

"Good thinking."

"When are you thinking about going back to New York?"

"I wanted to check with you first. I know you have a show scheduled in Albuquerque, but I didn't know what the deal was for everything before then."

"Well, there are the shows, the premiere, more shows, my birthday," he smiled, "Christmas, New Years, and then Albuquerque."

"So, what? I'm gonna join you on tour, and then you'll drop me off in Albuquerque?" I joked.

"Sounds good to me."

"No way, mister. There's no way I'm joining a bunch of boys for over a month on the road," I laughed. "The smell alone would kill me."

"We're not _that_ bad."

I tilted my head at him and gave him my "What the fuck ever" face, making him laugh.

"Okay. We can be that bad," he admitted. "What are you thinking about doing then?"

"I haven't really thought out all the details yet. I guess once the premiere's done, I can fly back to Roswell for Thanksgiving. I _could_ fly back to New York after that and then fly out to Vegas for your birthday. I don't know if New Year's'll be a go, but I'll definitely be in Albuquerque for the January show."

"Why wouldn't New Year's work out?"

I didn't want to admit my money situation to him, so I told him that maybe my parents would want me to spend it with them since it had been almost three years since I had seen them last. He seemed to take my word for it, and I felt like shit for lying. But I knew that if I told him what the real deal was, he'd offer to pony up the dough for flights or whatever, and there was no way I was having him spend his money on me.

"How does Kristina do it?" I wondered aloud.

"She's a tough one. You know, you should probably talk to her or Molly."

"And start our own Monkeys support group?" I laughed.

"Something like that."

I realized it _was_ a good idea to finally introduce myself to Kristina and Molly, Benny's girlfriend, and find out how they dealt with having their boys away from home so much. I knew I was in for a world of hurt once the premiere was over. The bubble Jackson and I had been in for the past four months would be no more.

"Can we not talk about this anymore? It's gonna make me all weepy."

"And that would be different from your normal mood how?" he teased.

Jackson left the next day, telling me he'd get either Kristina or Molly to call me. It was hard to see him leave in the morning, because I knew he'd take a car straight from the set to the airport and it would be a solid two days before I could see him again.

The rest of the cast was really good about keeping me preoccupied when they weren't doing photoshoots or interviews. We played a lot of board games, watched movies, or just talked. Kristen, Rob, and I got stoned at the house Saturday night, but all that did was make me stare at the kitchen island.

Memories.

Sunday, Kristen had the idea to make dinner for everyone. Since she couldn't really be out in public for fear of being torn apart, I went to the grocery store with the list of ingredients she needed. From the looks of things, she was going to make _chile verde_.

When I got back to the house, Rob was still sitting at the piano in the living room but Kellan, Nikki, Peter, Xavier, Alex, Liz, and Ashley were there. I set everything down on the counter and started to empty the grocery bags, but Kristen told me to take my ass elsewhere. I wasn't allowed to help her at all. I skedaddled before she could bitchface me to death.

Kellan and I played pool in the game room until Kristen said dinner was ready. I'm sure it would've been a delicious meal if it wasn't for the fact that she forgot to add the pork or that there was smoke coming from the _sarten_. We took it easy on her and just ordered Chinese, but she kept swearing she was a good cook. It didn't escape me how Rob kept laughing into his noodles at her insistence.

Monday night was spent with Jackson. In bed. Naked. And sweaty.

I woke up at the same time Jackson did the following day. I was set to fly out on Thursday, and I wanted to do some laundry at the house and start packing a little.

I was in the middle of sorting clothes when I got a call on my phone that I didn't recognize.

"Hello?"

"Iris? It's Seth."

"Hey. What's going on?"

"I have a huge favor to ask of you."

"Sure. What's up?"

"Can you take Theo for the day? Bryce is on set, and I have a lot of things to take care of before we leave for good this weekend. It would take me the rest of the week if I had Theo with me, but I can get them all done today if you could watch him."

"Of course!" I squealed. "Um, I'm at the house right now but I can be at the hotel in thirty minutes. Is that okay?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then. Oh! And you may want to bring _Finding Nemo _with you. That's all he's been babbling about since the sleepover," he laughed.

"Roger that. I'll see you in a bit."

Leaving the mess of clothes on my bed, I ran downstairs to the theater and snatched _Finding Nemo_ along with _Toy Story_ in case I needed it. I ran back upstairs to the kitchen and grabbed the healthy snacks that weren't eaten when the kids stayed the night.

After I made sure I had everything I needed, I sped out the door and made it to the hotel with just a few minutes to spare. I found Seth and Theo hanging out in the hallway outside of Jackson's room. Seth had the playpen, Theo's diaper bag, and another bag in his arms while Theo ran up and down the hallway, laughing. Once he spotted me, he ran right up to me and attached himself to my left leg. I led him by the hand into Jackson's room, Seth quietly putting everything next to the doorway and slipping out before Theo could realize he was gone and started crying.

For the rest of the day, Theo and I sat on the floor and tossed a ball back and forth to one another, had lunch, played with his toy trucks, watched _Finding Nemo_, had dinner, and settled in to watch _Finding Nemo_ again.

Since he hadn't taken a nap while with me, it didn't surprise me that he konked out fifteen minutes into the movie. Even still, when I turned off the TV, he woke up right away and wanted to know where Dory went. I immediately started up the movie and laughed when Theo fell right back to sleep a few minutes later.

Knowing I really couldn't go anywhere, I laid down next to that adorable little boy and watched the movie, falling asleep just as quickly as he had.

I remember making a tuna sandwich and feeling guilty as Marlin looked at me with sad eyes. Bruce wasn't too happy with me either as he stood on his hind fins and inspected the freezer, zeroing in on the tilapia I had in there for dinner next week. Nemo was crying into his tiny fin. Dory kept asking me how I could do that to them.

"Baby Girl? You gotta wake up. Theo has to go."

_No. You can't take the baby from me until I deal with these fish._

Laughter.

"Iris?"

"No. Theo's sleeping, and Dory's angry with me."

I felt something brush across my cheek, and I immediately woke up. My eyes snapped to Theo, thankful that he was still sleeping. I rolled a little to my left, my eyes adjusting enough to notice that Seth and Bryce were in the doorway of the bedroom and Jackson was standing behind me.

"Hi," I mumbled as I sat up, doing my best not to move the bed too much.

I blinked over and over again, trying to rewet my contacts, and then moved off the bed as smoothly as I could. I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, sitting down on the arm of the couch.

"Everything go okay?" Bryce asked.

"Just fine. I'm sorry I fell asleep. I didn't even realize I was tired. Um, he's had dinner and I changed him right before our nap. Nothing to report other than that."

"Thank you for taking him on such short notice," she whispered as Seth walked into the living room with a still sleeping Theo in his arms.

Jackson and I gathered all of Theo's things up while Bryce dismantled the playpen. They left a few minutes after, thanking me again for helping them out.

"He wore you out, huh?" Jackson laughed after I yawned again.

"I guess so," I giggled. "Hey, you hungry? I could make something real quick."

"Everybody's ordering pizza."

"Mmmk."

"Why was Dory angry with you?"

"What?"

"You were talking in your sleep. You said something about Dory being angry and having to deal with fish."

"Oh."

I explained my Nemo dream to him as best I could, having to repeat myself a couple of times since he was laughing so hard.

"I guess that's it then," I sighed.

"What?"

"No more fish for me. I don't even think I can look at a piece of fish now without wondering 'Am I eating Nemo? Was this fish related to Dory?'"

"You know," he began, still laughing. "If you're this easily influenced by movies, I have a couple of pornos—"

"You're such an asshole," I said, smacking his arm before I stood up and kissed him. "Let's go so you can eat your pizza covered in dead animal."

After Jackson had left for work the next day, I headed back to the house to finish laundry detail. Rather than pack then, I decided to just throw it all into my suitcase and worry about it later in the day, probably going through another packing tutorial for Jackson so he could understand the science behind my methods.

Jackson texted me to let me know he was going to be later than usual, because Senor Slade wanted to talk to him. Even still, I headed over to the hotel and hoped that the girls would be able to help me out.

I was no longer certain on the dress I had bought for the reunion and was deciding between it and another I had picked up that day. I wanted the girls to give me their fashion advice since I had zero in that department. While they still liked the original, the three of them thought the one I had gotten that day was much more flattering.

It seemed silly for me to stress over it, but I didn't want to go back to the reunion looking shabby. I wanted to look my best. I wanted to knock them all on their asses and say, "You ignored me, fuckers, but I'm not the same person anymore. I'm moving up in life. Look at my pretty dress!"

I was still wearing the dress and deciding on shoes when Jackson walked in.

"You going somewhere?" he asked, looking me up and down.

"Got a date," I replied.

"Anyone I know?"

"She met this hot guy at the gas station. They eye-fucked for a while before he asked her out. It was love at first pump," Kristen said.

"I'm gonna rock his world, baby," I said as I fluffed my hair dramatically.

"You look amazing," he answered, leaning down to give me a kiss.

His hand roamed to my ass as he did, and the girls made "Ewww" noises before effectively bolting the fuck outta the room.

A little bit later, I was having to pack and repack my suitcase since Jackson kept reaching into it and flinging whatever he could grab out.

"You don't really have to go to this thing. Reunions are shitty."

"How would you know? You're a baby," I laughed.

"All high school reunion movies say they're shitty."

"You got a point there. But I wanna go back and be all nostialgy. I also wanna put it behind me."

I sat down on the bed next to him, shoving my rolling suitcase out of the way.

"It's not really a big deal now, but it really sucked not having friends back then. Being ignored for four years wasn't exactly fun."

"You're not ignored now," he mumbled, taking my hand in his.

"That's what I mean. I have you and Suzy and everyone else in my life now. I'm a college graduate, and I have law school coming up soon. I'm not the same quiet person I was back then. I can put the bullshit of high school behind me."

"And this Richard guy's not gonna try anything funny, right?"

"I hope he does. I'm kinda hoping he fucks me doggystyle in the middle of the barracks so everyone can know how crazy we are now."

"You and your dirty mouth," he said, effectively shutting me up with his own dirty mouth.

I had scheduled my flight so that I could leave for the airport at the same time Jackson left the hotel to go to work. I was hoping for a send off that I'd never forget, but I never got around to even begin suggesting it, probably with a blowjob, since I overslept. It didn't make me late to catch my flight, but it did leave me without getting some loving.

"Here are the keys for the Obama car, and you have the key to the house if you guys wanna have a large dinner there or just get outta these walls for the weekend," I said, placing the keys to his precious Obama vehicle in his hand. "But if you burn down the house, you're shit outta luck. You'll deal with Juanita on that one yourself."

"Call me when you land?"

"Yep."

I opened the door and made me way out into the hallway. Kellan and Rob were leaving their rooms as we had made it to the elevator.

"You gonna bring me something?" Kellan said as he grabbed my suitcase and wheeled it back and forth for fun.

"The only thing souvenir-like I can think of is a little green alien from the UFO museum," I laughed.

"That place is real?" Rob asked.

"Oh, yeah. We also have a Crashdown Diner and a bunch of stores with alien faces in the windows."

"They're big on the 'UFO crash' there," Jackson said, using air quotes.

I promised I'd bring back the gaudiest alien things I could find as the elevator arrived. We all climbed in, and I asked the boys to tell the girls I would text them while I was gone. Jackson kissed me right before the elevator opened, and it was almost enough to want me to call the whole trip off. Instead, I left to catch the cab that was waiting for me in the back parking lot as the boys walked out the front.

The flight home wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I only had one minor freak out and didn't think about anything LOST related, so I considered it a plus. The moment the plane touched down, I knew I wasn't in Vancity anymore. New Mexico just had this distinct feeling about it. I walked through the airport, down the two sets of escalators, and hopped on a tiny bus that took me to the rental car place. Once everything was situated, I decided to visit my grandmother first, hoping to just get that outta the way before I made it to the rest of the family.

I drove from one end of Albuquerque to another and readied myself when I pulled up in front of _abuelita_'s house. I looked around, almost smiling at the fact that the neighborhood hadn't changed in the three years since I had been there, and then walked in.

"_Ama?_" I yelled out. "_Apa_?"

I found them both in the kitchen watching a _telenovela_, munching down on some delicious-looking _barbacoa_. I walked over and gave them both hugs, the red warning signal going off even though nothing had happened yet.

I sat down at the table, immediately launching into a conversation. Always the feeder, _abuelita_ made my favorite potato dish, altering it so it didn't have any meat in it. I had spent almost an hour there before she brought up any of the things I was dreading talking to her about. Her part of the conversation, however, took me by surprise.

"_Te ves bien_."

"_Gracias_," I mumbled, shocked as shit considering she had never told me that before.

"_Has rebajado?_"

"_Un poco. Desde la ultima vez que la vi ha perdido quince libras, se me hace."_

She looked at me for a bit, staring me down and making me shift out of discomfort.

"_No puede ser quince. Veinte o mas._"

Most people would've taken it as an insult. I took it as a sign of hope.

I smiled and nodded, knowing that the next conversation would be about Jackson. She brought him up but didn't try to dig for any real information. She told me I seemed happy and then dropped the subject.

Since I was going to be staying there overnight, I brought my suitcase in and placed it in the spare bedroom. I told them both that I was going to go visit the rest of the family and head over to the cemetery before it got dark.

I called Jackson, forgetting that I was supposed to have done so when I landed, and left him a voicemail that I was okay and that my grandmother didn't seem to hate me as much anymore. I told him I missed him, and I was going to need a serious rolling around in the hay with him the moment I got back.

I went to the cemetery and visited my father's parents. My grandfather had died before I was born, and my grandmother passed away when I was eleven.

She was my world growing up. She never made me feel second best, always telling me that I was beautiful and intelligent, and anyone who didn't think the same could go to Hell. I always opted to stay with her when we visited Albuquerque. She made my favorite bean burritos and knew how to make a steak so fucking well that it would make a grown man cry.

I sat on the grass, talking to her for a little bit and telling her that I was happy. I was happy and in love and things seemed to be getting better with _abuelita_. As the sun started to set, the groundskeeper came by to let me know they were closing up. I asked if I could have just five more minutes, stating I lived on the other side of the country and rarely got to visit. He smiled and said it was okay, leaving me time to talk to my uncle, my mother's brother, who was buried next to my grandmother.

When I saw the groundskeeper making his way to me again, I waved and thanked him, jumping into my car and driving out.

After that, I visited Dad's side of the family and then moved on to mom's.

By the time I had made it to Chela's house, I was exhausted and already needed to refill the gas tank. While there, Chela, my mother's sister, went on and on about how much weight I had lost and how I looked great and blah blah blah. Luckily for me, her daughter, Alexis, came running in and tackle hugged the shit outta me.

I always got along better with my cousins than with any of the adults.

She and I gossiped for a bit and then got the great idea to watch the midnight screening of _Paranormal Activity_. We made calls and managed to get another cousin to join us after she found a babysitter for her two year old.

We watched. They freaked out. I laughed.

The next morning, _abuelita_ gave me a lecture about keeping the kids out so late, even though they were both over eighteen, while she served me eggs, _frijoles_, and salsa with _tortillas _for breakfast. I'm sure I would've rolled my eyes, but I was too busy stuffing my face and not listening.

An hour later, I was in the car, heading east on I-40 to Clines Corners, where I would head south to Roswell. The drive was supposed to take almost four hours, but I sped like a demon and made it in a little over three.

As I pulled into Roswell, I got that weird feeling most people do about returning home after not being there for so long. I gawked at the giant alien decorations on the Walmart building, realized that they had put in a Chili's, and were breaking ground for an Olive Garden next door.

Main Street hadn't changed a bit.

Ten minutes later, because that's all it really takes to get from one side of town to the other, I pulled the rental into the driveway of my house. And just like everything else, it hadn't changed.

Until I walked in the front door.

I could barely get the door open, because it was blocked by a huge box.

"What the hell is going on here?" I yelled out.

I saw Dad poke his head out of the kitchen and into the dining room, smiling like a mad man.

"Damn. The box didn't work."

"Ha ha," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. "What's with all the boxes?"

"Can I have a hug and a kiss before you start the interrogation, counselor?"

I put my Mariah purse down and ran at him, clinging to him like I always did when I was a kid. I took after Mom in the height department, she and I both being shorties, while Dad was 5'10" and as Mexican as you could get. He gave me a tight hug and then pretended I was choking him when I wouldn't let go of his neck. He asked me about the drive and then gave me a stern look when he realized how quickly I had made it from Albuquerque.

Before he could start the lecture, I heard a sound that made my heart jump and my eyes water. The tiniest yet fiercest bark echoed through the hallway behind me, and I turned to see the love of my life. There she was, on all four paws, chubby as ever, and giving me her own bitch face.

Minnie.

My precious, obese chihuahua stared at me for a bit and then began to wag her tail after I baby talked her. Her breath was rank and she needed a bath, but I cradled her like a newborn and let her lick my face until Dad broke up the love fest.

"We're moving."

"What do you mean you're moving? Moving where?"

"To Albuquerque."

"What? Why?" I whined.

"Your mom was offered a big position at UNM Hospital. It pays really well, and your _abuelita_'s not doing well with her diabetes these days. Mom wants to be closer."

"_Abuelita _looked fine when I saw her," I said, confused as fuck.

Dad went on to explain that her legs were giving her problems, a symptom of both the diabetes and of her being overweight. He told me not to worry, that it was manageable, especially with them moving.

"What about the boys?"

My two little brothers, despite being twenty-four and twenty years old, still lived at home. They were the good kids, and there was no way Mom would ever kick them out.

"Raymundo's getting transferred to a store in Albuquerque, and Kevin says he wants to stay here."

First, I laughed at the contrast in my brothers' names. I always did. Second, I thought over the idea of leaving a twenty year old alone in my childhood home. Kevin had started to rebel a little, letting his hair grow past his shoulders and getting those studs in his ears that stretched out the lobes.

"You trust Kevin alone in this house?"

"He's going to take over the house payment and utilities. And he's not that bad," Dad laughed. "You worry too much."

With those words, I thought about Jackson and how he had said the exact same thing to me weeks before after we had first slept together.

_Stop thinking about sexing your boyfriend while talking to your father. It's disgusting._

"Where's Mom?"

"Out spending more money we don't have," he replied, rolling his eyes. "The new house has an upstairs and a downstairs living room, so she's going all out."

I facepalmed at the thought. Mom was brought up like most Mexican women of her time, to believe that her house was her castle because she was a queen. No doubt the new house would be tacky as fuck.

Dad's cell rang, Mom calling from Walmart, and I walked into my old bedroom with Minnie at my heels. Even with all of the packing, it hadn't been touched. My two hammocks of stuffed animals were still hanging, my old NSync posters still posted on one wall, and my six CD changer was covered in dust.

"Your Mom didn't know if you wanted to take any of this with you, so she didn't touch anything."

I turned and watched as Dad walked in and gestured to the stuffed animals, my Lord Of The Rings Monopoly game, and old calendars that were on a shelf in the closet.

While we waited for Mom to come back, he and I tagged and marked things to either be thrown out, given to the Salvation Army, or have shipped back to my apartment in New York.

"Your Mom's going to be surprised when she sees you."

"_Porque_?"

"I think the last time you were this thin was when you were in military school."

"Oh."

_It always has to come back to the fucking weight thing._

Out of nowhere, the voice that could command the world to drop to its knees rang out throughout the house.

"_De quien es ese carro afuerra? Y necesito que alguien me ayude con las bolsas!"_

Dad and I rolled our eyes at the same time and walked out of my room to meet see Mom tossing Walmart bags onto the dining room table.

_Like mother, like daughter._

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, _mija_," she slowly said, looking me over. "How was your flight?"

"It was good."

I walked over and gave her a hug. And then she smiled at me.

_Excuse me while I go play the lottery, because apparently, miracles _do_ happen._

She looked me over while she told me about the move, the deal with _abuelita_, and all the latest gossip with the family. Amazingly, she never brought up the weight thing.

Mom was never one to be emotional, so the warm and fuzzies of the reunion didn't last long. She launched into having me finish separating the things in my room for the move and told me not to make a mess in the kitchen if I decided to cook. When I told her I was going out with Richard for dinner to catch up before heading out to NMMI the next morning for the Homecoming inspection and parade, her eyebrows shot through the roof.

"And what about Jackson?"

"What _about_ Jackson?"

"Did you two break up?"

"No."

"Why are you going out with another guy?"

"I'm not dating Richard, Mom. _Ijole_. We're just going to Applebees and talking."

"You better not be drinking tonight."

"I'll drink if I want to. It's not like I need anyone's permission," I shot back.

Things never went smoothly too long between she and I when she started throwing out orders, forgetting that I never took hers to begin with.

"That was fun while it lasted," Dad muttered as he walked by.

"If I have too much to drink, which I doubt will happen since it's Applebees, I'll call Dad."

Cabs weren't an option in Roswell, because it's too small to need that kind of service.

"I heard that!" I heard him yell out from his bedroom. "I'm so happy to volunteer."

A few hours later, I was sitting at Applebees, sporting my Kings Of Leon concert skinny jeans and heels with a top I had found while shopping for my Mariah CD. Richard and I were trying to pinpoint the rest of our graduation class members' statuses. Half were married, half were divorced, almost all had kids. We laughed at the fact that neither of us looked like we did in high school and wondered if anybody would even notice the difference.

Richard had gotten hot. Like, really hot. Sure, he was still the brain he always was but he was giving McSteamy _and_ McDreamy a run for their money in the hot doctor department. Of course, he was no Jackson. Nobody could ever beat my man with the hottness he had, but I'm sure all of the single girls that never paid any attention to Richard ten years ago would definitely be falling all over themselves the next day.

After a single beer, he and I walked through the parking lot and past the front doors of the bar next door. As we spotted our cars, we heard voices yelling.

"Iris! I-ris!"

I turned around, wondering who the hell would blatantly yell my name out like that in a town of people who never paid me any mind, and recognized April, one of the most popular girls of my graduating class, as she stood up from her chair and waved her arms at me.

"We could make a run for it and just pretend we didn't see her," Richard laughed.

"Where would the fun in that be?"

We walked over to her, immediately recognizing Justin, the valedictorian, Susie, captain of the volleyball, basketball, swim, and tennis teams, and Jay, football player and terminal asshole. I had such a crush on him way back then, and the fucker didn't even know I was alive.

Not that I was hot shit myself, but it made me smile a little wider when I noticed his receding hair line and beer belly.

We sat down and made mindless chit chat, catching up as we had another round of beer. As Richard and I had guessed, April was divorced with a child, Justin was married with children, Susie was engaged, and Jay was single.

"What about you?"

"I have a girlfriend. We've been together for about five years now," Richard replied.

"I have a boyfriend," I responded, taking a sip and hoping they'd leave it at that.

"And how long have you been together?" Susie asked.

While she was never outright mean to me in high school, I still saw her as the captain of everything and one of the most popular and prettiest girls I had ever known. It caught me off guard that she was even speaking to me. I guess the rejected high school girl in me was more prominent than I thought.

"Not too long. Maybe four or five months."

"That's nice," she smiled.

And that was that.

_This is really weird. – Iris_

I sent the text to Jackson just as April was giving us the details of her divorce. Why? I have no idea. I didn't need to know that shit.

I looked over at Richard who rolled his eyes at the situation when he caught my gaze.

_What's weird? – J Action_

_I'm having a beer with the most popular kids in school like we've been friends forever. And the guy I used to have a crush on is bald and fat. – Iris_

_Step away from the bald, fat man. I'm calling you in half an hour. – J Action_

I laughed a little louder than I meant to and got Richard's attention. I shook my head at him, still smiling, and decided it was time for me to go.

As soon as I excused myself, Richard took the opportunity to do the same. Cell numbers were exchanged, and we said we would all meet up for coffee before the inspection and parade took place the next morning.

As we walked back to our cars, Richard and I figured it was all for show and nothing would come of it.

"You have a crush on a bald, fat man?" Jackson immediately asked when I answered my phone.

"No," I said, unbuckling my seat belt and opening the car door. "I _used_ to have a crush on this guy, and _now_ he's bald and fat. He was a hot shot football player back in the day."

"I don't like him."

"You don't know him," I laughed.

"I don't need to know him."

"Jealousy will get you nowhere in life, mister. It will, however, get you some quality time in my pants when I get home."

I opened the door to the house as quietly as I could and made my way to my former bedroom, finding Minnie passed out on my bed. Since the reunion was officially scheduled to begin at 7:30am, I had to cut the conversation short.

"Give me a call tomorrow when you get a chance, okay?"

"Okay. I love you. Remember that when the bald and fat guy's making a pass at you."

"He's not going to make a pass at me," I laughed. "And I love you, too. Now quit being a ninny and let me go to bed."

Just as Richard and I expected, neither of us had heard anything from the popular kids thirty minutes before we were scheduled to be on post. He called me and told me he was going to go on to the school and check in. I asked him if he would do the same for me, and I'd pick him up a coffee on my way.

Roswell managed to not only get a Starbucks but a drive-thru one at that.

I met up with him in front of the Bronco, going over the itinerary the reunion committee had put together. Rather than participate, we decided to be the outcasts we were known for being and walked around post for a good hour. We walked past Lea Hall, JRT, and the library before we decided to sneak into Bates Hall, the cafeteria. After walking around inside for a bit, we headed back out and made our way to Colt Field, nestled in the middle of Saunders Barracks, where the high school football team would play. We swung around to the other end of JRT and ended up at Sally Port, the north end of the barracks, just as the Corps of Cadets was finishing up the inspection.

Richard and I waited until we were given the okay and then walked into Hagerman Barracks, taking in the troop quarters and commenting on how nothing had changed. We walked through our old rooms, trying not to feel like the old geezers we once had to deal with when we were cadets, and offered some of our best pointers for cleaning brass or hiding contraband.

Once we were done, Richard walked off post with me so that I could smoke a cigarette before returning to the Bronco, where the returning class was supposed to meet up and walk through the barracks, eventually ending up on Stapp Parade Field.

We gathered, ignoring the popular kids - who were now ignoring us and speaking only to other popular kids - we walked, and we sat in chairs that were set up close to the bleachers. I looked around and realized that other returning classes, dating as far back as fifty-five years, were with us.

The parade itself was as long and as boring as I remembered it to be, but I was thankful that I wasn't the one having to stand there again in my uniform and M-16 weapon at Parade Rest for half an hour. Every so often, I was pulled into a conversation, miraculously, by one of the other kids.

As soon as the parade was over, Richard and I, along with some other geeks from our class, headed to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. Once that was over, I headed home and called Jackson followed by Suzy.

Five hours later, I hopped back in the shower and changed into my new dress. I took my time with hair and make-up, knowing that these people had never seen me all gussied up and wanting to leave an impression of the "new" me.

When I was done, I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water and shocked the hell outta my mom.

"Wow."

"Really?" I smiled.

"_Viejo_, come in here and see your daughter."

Dad walked outta his bedroom and whistled when he saw me.

"Who are you all dolled up for?" he asked, kissing me on my temple.

"These assholes that never paid attention to me."

"Go get 'em, _mija_."

"_Portate bien_!" Mom called after me as I ran outta the kitchen.

I arrived at the Convention Center, nervous as fuck, and was so happy to see Richard standing outside. He gave me the once over, yelled at me for putting my health at risk as I smoked another cig, and then walked me in.

Dinner was boring as hell. The class reunion picture was a joke. The only thing that was mildly entertaining was when we all sat in a circle, only ten people or so participating, and talked about the "fun times" we had during our years at school. I, obviously, had nothing to talk about, so I had no idea what I was going to say when it came to be my turn.

"Um, I didn't really do much while at school. I studied a lot, played volleyball and tennis, was in choir, but mainly just kept to myself."

"What are you doing these days?" April asked. "Weren't you named 'Most Likely To Be The Next Mariah Carey' our senior year?"

"I was," I laughed, "but I won't be headlining Madison Square Garden anytime soon. I live in New York now. I graduated with double Bachelors last year and should start law school in a year or so. I just have to study for my LSATs and see where my score lets me go to school.

And that was that. Two more people talked about the shenanigans that landed them on Tour Squad, and then the reunion was over.

As we were getting our things together to leave, Susie walked over to Richard and I.

"A bunch of us are heading over to Farley's for drinks. Do you guys wanna come?"

I looked at Richard, knowing I'd probably go with whatever he decided, and watched as he shrugged.

"Sure. You heading over now or…?"

"Who's gonna crash the Homecoming dance with us?" someone yelled out.

Knowing I couldn't pass that opportunity up, Richard and I told Susie we'd meet them there in an hour after we headed over to see the "young ones" in their formal uniforms, bumping and grinding to whatever DJ had been hired.

The Homecoming dance was a bust. It was the usual popular kids in the middle of the room having the time of their lives while the outcasts stood against the wall, looking miserable.

By the time Richard and I had made it to Farley's, an entire group of reunion peeps was gathered at a back table, doing shots, and yelling at the Yankees game being shown on the flatscreens. He and I sat at the table, getting caught up in conversations, and drinking like fish to catch up with everyone else.

At some point, Britney, the valedictorian's wife, had pulled me to the jukebox to pick out music since the game had ended. As we stood there, Jay came over and talked to Britney about something I didn't have the energy to listen to.

"Justin's calling me back to the table. Pick out a couple more songs and then meet me there," she slurred.

"Gotcha," I giggled.

I had so much alcohol in my system, the only thing I could do was giggle at that point.

"I remember you now."

I looked up and found Jay leaning on the jukebox, staring down at me.

"No, you don't. I wasn't popular in school, and you only hung around with those that were."

"No, I do. You were quiet, but everyone knew about the Mariah Carey thing," he said. "I don't remember you looking like this, though. I would've noticed."

I snorted. I actually snorted at his comment as I chose the last song and walked away.

_You have some nerve, asshole._

We didn't stay at Farley's long since it was closing. We did, however, move the party to a bar across the street. There, we all did more shots, got even more wasted, and ended up taking pictures as if we were all life-long friends.

"Where are you staying?" Jay asked me as I picked up my purse, getting ready to head out.

"At my parents' house."

"You know... I have a room at the Best Western next door. You could stay with me."

My head whipped around, causing me to get a little sick with how drunk I was, and looked him in the eye. The fucker was being serious.

I openly laughed in his face. The idea was just so fucking absurd to me. After all that time, the dude wanted to get into my pants. Now that he was bald and fat. Now that I wasn't the quiet, ignored person I used to be.

"Yeah. _So_ not gonna happen."

I walked outta the bar, giving Richard a hug and telling him that we should talk more often.

As I walked to my car, I called Jackson.

"Hello?"

"Well, hello there."

"How'd it go?"

"I'm drunk, and the bald, fat man just propositioned me for sex," I slurred.

"I'm drunk, too, Baby Girl," he slurred. "Wait… He did what?"

"Yep. He tried being all smoldery at first. Then he just came right out and asked me to stay with him in his hotel room."

"And?"

"And I laughed in his face and left. I was gonna tell him he had no chance in hell, because my boyfriend isn't fat or bald and has the dick of a god. But I thought that might be pushing it."

"Really?" he teased. 'What else would you have told him?"

"That I love you and that you're gorgeous and that you make me happy and that I don't need what's possibly a short and shriveled penis to try and weasel its way into my life. Oh! And I would've asked Richard to write him a prescription for hair growth."

"I love you, Baby Girl," he laughed.

"I love you, too. But I gotta go now. I need Dad to come pick up my drunken ass."

"Call him and call me back."

"But it's so late there. You have work tomorrow."

"Call. Me. Back," he repeated. "If I don't hear from you in sixty seconds, I'm calling Suzy to get your Dad's number," he laughed.

"Yeah, yeah."

Forty-seven seconds later, I was back on the phone with Jackson.

"What are you doing?"

"Jerad and I are drinking ourselves into next week."

"Nice plan."

"Where are you? Are you alone?"

"I'm in a bar parking lot. Why?"

"Hold on a sec."

I heard some shuffling and movement before things got really quiet.

"You sound so fucking hot on the phone."

"Babe, how drunk are you?" I laughed.

"What I'd give to fuck you against a wall right now."

"Whoa…" I breathed. "You can't talk to me like that right now."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm there and you're here and I can't do anything about it," I slurred.

"I'd fuck you so hard, Baby Girl. You have no idea."

"Christ, Jackson," I panted. "Are you really doing the dirty talk right now?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too. But you know you can't bring out the naughty words when we're on opposite sides of the country."

"Just a preview of things to come. Literally."

I rushed through my I love you and and I'll-stop-at-Sam's-Club-for-condoms and hung up when I saw my Dad's car pull into the bar's parking lot. He told me he loved me and I reminded him that his penis was the only penis for me, earning me a laugh from him.

"You're not going to throw up in the car, are you?"

"No, Dad."

"I take it you had fun, then?"

"It was okay."

"Just okay?"

"Everybody acted like we were all great friends from back in the day. It was weird. And it just made me miss Suzy and Jackson and everyone back in Vancouver."

"Speaking of Jackson, was that him you were on the phone with when I pulled up?'

"How'd you guess?"

"You had that smile on your face. The one you get when that Christmas Folgers commercial comes on every year. And you rushed to get off the phone," he laughed.

"Yeah," I giggled. "He's my Folgers commercial."

The car ride seemed to go on forever, and I had actually started to fall into a tequila induced sleep when I heard Dad speak up.

"He's treating you okay?"

"Jackson? Yeah. He's… He's a good guy, Dad. I know where you're going with this, but you don't have to worry about him."

"_Lo amas_?"

"_Si_," I replied without hesitating.

"_Y el_?"

"_Tambien_."

"_Bueno_… Make sure he does everything he's supposed to, because I'm not above kicking some little boy's ass."

"Dad," I whined. "Can you wait to threaten to kick his ass until _after_ you've actually met him?"

"Sorry. I'm not sure when the threatening is supposed to come in."

"I know I didn't do the whole boyfriend and going out thing when I was younger, but you don't have to worry about Jackson, Dad. Promise."

The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache known to man. I dragged ass into the kitchen and found my Dad already awake and making coffee. He took one look at me and laughed, reaching into a cabinet to get me some ibuprofen while I snagged a glass of juice.

"_Quieres chorizo_?" Mom asked, popping up out of nowhere and heading right for the fridge.

"Dead animal, Mom. But I'll make some _frijoles_ and have a burrito."

I spent the next half hour eating breakfast and explaining what had gone down at the reunion the day before. It might've seemed like a simple thing, but it was a huge deal for me. Mom and I didn't argue. She didn't bring up what I looked like. She didn't even give me the stink eye even though she knew I was hungover as fuck.

Maybe things were on the up and up with her.

An hour later, Mom was pulling Minnie out of my arms as Dad dragged me out the front door. I told her that I had left sticky notes on everything in my room, so she knew where it should go and that I'd call her about making it back for the Monkeys' Albuquerque show in January. Dad made some joke about brushing up on his Mexican judo skills for that visit.

"Tell Raymundo and Kevin I'll see them soon, I guess."

Even after three years of not seeing them, they hadn't changed their weekend plans so that I could see them. Kevin had driven to Las Cruces to see his girlfriend, and Raymundo was in Lubbock for some Christian rock concert.

Dad drove me to my car, still parked in the bar parking lot, and told me to message him when I landed back in Vancouver, reminding me that the speed limit to Albuquerque was there for a reason and I should abide by it.

I smiled as I drove out of Roswell, remembering to stop at the UFO museum for some ridiculous alien shit before leaving the Land of Douchery behind.

I arrived in Vancouver around seven that night, fully bummed that Jackson wouldn't be flying in from Boston until around midnight. I paid the cab driver and made my way up to his hotel room. I hopped in the shower, so unbelievably happy to get the airplane funk off of me, and changed into some sweats before I grabbed the alien goodies and passed them out like candy to whomever was around.

Kellan really got a kick out of his "Kiss me. I'm a martian" t-shirt.

I tried staying awake until Jackson got home, but I was all sorts of fail and crashed around eleven. I woke up the next morning to a note instead of him. Apparently, he had tried to wake me up when he got back _and_ that morning, but I wouldn't budge. He also reminded me that Bryce, Xavier, and the Bronze Boys were set to leave Vancouver, having already finished their filming for _Eclipse_.

I was fully bummed I had slept through what was supposed to be him making good on his naughty phone call.

I texted him, got ready, and then made my way to say my goodbyes. I spent a few minutes talking with Alex, joking that he was my favorite of the pack, though it really was kind of true. The rest of the boys were in their rooms, so I stopped by.

Julia and Tinsel were running late, so it was nothing more than a quick hug and then watching their backs as they ran down the hallway to catch the cabs that were waiting for them downstairs.

I dreaded going to Bryce's room. There was no way I was going to make it out of there without trying to steal her kid or in complete and utter tears. I guess she realized how hard it was going to be for me by the look on my face when she opened the door. It didn't help that Theo let out a big "Dowy!" when he saw me. I'd take a comparison to a forgetful blue fish from that kid any day.

I needed a pick me up after Bryce had to extract Theo from my arms in order to catch their flight. I went home and worked on Jackson's present until I was sore.

And that was pretty much what I did with my days while the cast was filming. Thursday was a big day since "The humans" and the Volturi peeps were arriving. I immediately jumped into Mexican mode and made a huge dinner, hoping that they'd be up to coming over to the house and meeting me.

Sure enough, seven rolled around that night and the house was full of people. I tried to keep the squeeing to a minimum when I met Dakota. I had been a really big fan of hers since _I Am Sam_,and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

There was a round of "Iris is really short" as they made me stand next to Daniel Cudmore and laughed at me. Daniel made me feel better when he announced we'd made one giant super person if he and I ever joined forces.

Some time during dinner, I had asked what everyone's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans were. That somehow morphed into me holding an early Thanksgiving dinner at the house the Thursday before everyone was scheduled to leave. I thought it would be a nice send off for the cast and decided that it was also a great time to give Jackson my present.

At least, I hoped it was.

Suzy, bless her heart, took more time off of work to fly in for our Thanksgiving. She was flying in the night before so I found myself kinda just sitting around Jackson's hotel room until it was time to pick her up. I ended up reading a fuck ton of fan fic updates I had been missing out on. I was still reading and kept at it even after Jackson arrived.

About an hour afterwards, I finally closed the laptop.

"Why aren't we angsty?"

"What?" he laughed.

"Angsty. We're not angsty. We don't fight or argue or throw dishes at one another."

"You want us to argue?" he asked, scrunching up his face.

I got up from the living room couch and walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I don't know why it bothered me so much, but reading all of those updates had started planting shit in my head.

"Don't laugh. I'm just trying to be honest here."

"Okay…"

"I was reading fan fiction today—"

Jackson broke out into a giant cackle and then covered his mouth with both hands. I threw a dishtowel at him.

"See? You're throwing things at me. Does that count?" he asked, continuing to laugh.

I plopped down on the couch next to him with my arms crossed over my chest and let out a giant "Hmph."

"Alright. I'm sorry. What did you want to say?"

"I don't want to talk about it now," I mumbled.

"Come on," he teased when I wouldn't budge. "You know you wanna tell me."

He leaned into me and then nuzzled my neck, suddenly moving me so I was straddling him.

"See? This is what I'm talking about. Is it weird that we don't fight? I'm not talking cage matches or anything, but don't most couples fight?"

"I guess they do but that's just not us, Baby Girl."

"I mean, I guess there's a honeymoon stage in every relationship. But we're four months in. Shouldn't I be calling you an asshole or you telling me I'm suffocating you by now?"

"We're too laid back for that shit. Besides, didn't we have our little drama just getting together in the first place?" he asked, taking my face in his hands.

"I guess. I just kinda feel like all of this is too good to be true."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now."

"What's that?" I asked, starting to panic a little.

"Your cooking? Not all that great."

We stared at each for a while before I saw his lips twitch a little, and he started to laugh.

"You're an asshole."

"See? Name-calling and towel-throwing. We're good," he laughed.

He kissed me, giving me one of those kisses that could basically set my hair on fire, and then pulled back, smiling.

"But Suzy's not going to think it's good if you make her wait at the airport."

"Shit!"

I jumped up and scrambled to find my purse and keys.

"Love you. See you tomorrow."

I leaned down to kiss him again and then flew out the door.

Luckily for me, I wasn't late to pick up the Suz. It was really good to see her after all that time, and we had so much shit to talk about. Between my new and very active sex life and her promotion at work, we were quite chatty from the moment she arrived Wednesday night to grocery shopping early Thursday morning to starting dinner right after we had gotten back.

I didn't tell her about my surprise for Jackson. I knew she'd be just as happy about it and I wanted to give that to her, too, as a way of thanking her for everything she had done.

"Mr. Turkey? Mr. Ham? I'm really sorry that you're here with me today. Normally I'd be giving you a proper burial in the backyard, but you're feeding some important peeps tonight," I pouted as I lightly patted the dead animal in front of me.

"Iris, stop talking to the food and start cooking!" Suzy yelled at me from the front porch. "We have some serious cooking to do before everybody comes over."

Turkey. Ham. Stuffing. Green beans. Macaroni and cheese. Mashed potatoes. Gravy. Cornbread. Rolls. Salad. Apple pie. Pumpkin pie. Peach/Cool Whip pie.

I may have gone a little bit overboard.

Suzy and I barely had time to hop in the shower and change before everyone arrived.

"I'm sorry the house is such a mess," I panted as I ran down the stairs.

Everyone was walking in and commenting about the smells in the house. I was more worried about the fact that I hadn't had time to clean.

"I made more than I thought I would and didn't get a chance to clean so I'm really sorr—"

I got cut off by Jackson's lips. And his tongue. And his hand on my ass.

"That's disgusting," I heard Suzy say as she walked by.

"You get used to it," Nikki laughed from somewhere.

"You really worry too much."

"Let my brain catch up, and I'll answer that," I panted as I answered Jackson, still with my eyes closed.

I heard him chuckle and then felt as he gave me a kiss on my forehead.

Everyone immediately began to situate themselves at the dining room table, looking at the side dishes that were already there. Suzy grabbed the ham and placed it on the table as Jackson and his muscles took the turkey with him. I grabbed the wine, beer, and soda from the fridge and placed it on the table, figuring it was easier to do that and let people pick than me trying to take drink orders.

"I would like to go on the record that this American holiday is rubbish and goes against my upbringing. Therefore, I'll think of this as a celebration from the great land of Mexico," Rob said, eyeing the food.

"Think of it however you like. Just make sure you eat. I made way too much."

"Should we say grace or something?" Kristen asked.

"Rubba dub dub. Thanks for the grub. Yay God."

"Nice, Kellan," Ashley laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"I thought we could go around the table, and everyone could say what they're thankful for," I said.

After watching everyone look at each other, I laughed out loud.

"Just kidding. I'm not going to get totally cheesetastic on you. But I'll say grace if that's okay," I offered.

Suzy's head whipped around really fucking fast. She was probably wondering why I was offering to speak in front of a group of people, voluntarily taking in the spotlight. I thought of it as practice for Jackson's present later.

Everybody bowed their heads as I took in a breath and reined in my nerves.

"Heavenly Father, I thank You for this day. We give thanks for the food before us, for the blessings You give us every day, and pray for those in the world who are less fortunate. I, um, wanna thank You for the people at this table, as well as for the ones who couldn't be here, and for bringing them into my life. Amen," I finished, clearing my throat. "Alright. Let's eat."

And we did. It took us a good while to do some damage, but damage there was. The ham and half the turkey disappeared. Most of the sides were gone, too. Dessert was a distant memory.

"Anybody want anything more to drink?"

"No more," Ashley groaned, grabbing her stomach. "I might explode. And I need a nap."

"I'll take some more wine, please," Liz stated.

We sat around for a bit at the table, talking about dinner and how the shoot was coming to an end. Nikki and I talked about what I was doing after Vancouver, and we made plans to get together when I was in LA with Jackson.

After an hour of moaning and groaning and clutching stomachs, Rob and Kristen stood up to have a cigarette. Everyone decided that it was time to go home and slip into a turkey coma.

I watched as people started going for their coats, yelling at Rob and Kristen to hurry and up and have their cigarette. Before anybody could make it to the door, I panicked.

"Wait!'

Everyone froze.

_Shit. There's no getting out this now._

"I, uh, I have a present for Jackson," I mumbled. "I'd like you all here for it."

"If it involves a pole and tassels, we don't need to see it."

I flipped Kristen the bird for her remark.

"Um, why don't you two go out and have your cig? I need a few minutes to set up."

Everyone slowly put their coats back down as they glanced back and forth at each other. Jackson's face was full of pure shock.

"I'll text you when I'm ready, and then everyone can come down to the theater."

"OK…" he said, still giving me that look.

I took a deep breath as I walked down the stairs and then flipped on the lights. I put the DVD for _Disturbia_ in the player and paused it on the Special Features video that I needed. I grabbed a chair and the microphone from the closet, placing it on the left side of the stage, hoping that everyone would pay attention to the video playing on the wall rather than me. I adjusted the height of the mic stand so it would pick up what it needed to, and that was when it hit me what I was about to do.

I started to freak out, but I didn't want to call Suzy down there to help me. I wanted to do this for her, too, and it would've ruined the surprise if I told her what it was about before it was time.

I took a few minutes to pace back and forth across the stage, calming myself and thinking Mariah thoughts. I reminded myself that I _wanted_ to do it. I wanted to show Jackson that I loved him and that he was important to me, so much so that I was willing to put myself on stage.

_This is about him, not you. You can do this._

When I figured I was as calm as I would get, I texted Jackson and asked him to bring everyone downstairs.

I watched as everyone filtered in and I asked them to all take a seat, leading Jackson to the seat directly in front of where I would be on stage. They glanced at the wall, noticing that, even though it was black, there was something there. Before she took her seat, Suzy walked over and asked me if I was okay. I smiled and nodded.

_Just smile and nod. Smile and nod._

"I'm really nervous, so please just bare with me," I said after I saw everyone was seated.

I quickly turned around and walked back into the closet, hearing Jackson say "Holy shit" when he saw me pull my cello out.

After it had arrived, I took every available opportunity to practice. I had made my fingertips almost bleed with the amount of practicing I had done, and my hands were still sore from cramping. I had sat and listened to the song I would be accompanying over and over and over again, making sure that I could pick the cello out of the song and then spent a ridiculous amount of time deciphering the notes so I could get it right. I debated between strictly going with the notes in the song and being a little looser with the arrangement, adding notes here and there but still keeping with the tone.

I shakily pulled my baby out of its case and set it against the wall as I rosined the bow. I didn't dare look at anybody while I did, knowing my nerves would kick right back into overdrive, so I concentrated on what I was doing as I heard Kristen explain to Dakota that this was a big deal since I didn't do audiences.

I asked Suzy to hand me the remote for the lights and the DVD player, taking it with a small smile as she beamed and whispered that she was proud of me.

I sat down on the edge of my chair and adjusted my baby so that she was in the perfect spot for me. I hit the lights, watching as the room grew completely dark except for the small amount of light that the paused video was giving off. Before I could chicken out, I took a deep breath and started the DVD.

I sat up straight, gripped my bow, and placed it lightly on the strings so it wouldn't bounce a couple of seconds before "Don't Make Me Wait" kicked in.

And then I started to play.

_Light, fluid strokes. Don't overwork the bowing._

_Angel eyes, why do you look back  
And all this time how did you know that_

_Quiet lead in._

_I'd be here, I'd be here, I'd be here  
In this world all alone_

_So don't make me wait, honey  
Don't make me say it out loud  
Don't hesitate, no, honey  
Or it will all fall down_

_More pressure on the strings, but don't go crazy. Easy…_

_Angel eyes, why do you gaze  
Everytime I lose my way  
You find me here  
Find me here, find me here_

_Go!_

_So don't make me wait, honey  
Don't make me say it out loud  
Don't hesitate now, honey  
Or it will all fall down_

_Don't make me wait, honey  
Don't make me say it out loud  
Don't hesitate now, honey_

_Or it will all fall down_

_Staccato strokes. Steady your instrument._

_All fall down_

_Don't make me wait, honey  
Don't make me say it out loud  
Don't hesitate now, honey  
Or it will all fall down_

I kept my head down and firmly gripped my instrument a few seconds even after the video had ended. I lifted my head and bit the inside of my cheek to keep the super duper smile from hitting my face when the first thing I saw was Jackson. His eyes were wide, and he was leaning so far on the edge of his seat, I thought he was going to fall out of it.

And then I got awkward when I remembered that there were other people in the room. I looked around and made eye contact with everyone as they smiled back at me. Kristen let out what could've been mistaken for a mating call and a fist pump, breaking my nerves and the tension as everyone began to clap.

The clapping was making me even more nervous, and I started to giggle.

"Everyone has five seconds to get out of this room before they start seeing things that they shouldn't," Jackson suddenly said.

I wondered what the hell he was talking about but realized what he meant when I looked over at him. He looked like he wanted to eat me. Judging by how I could blatantly tell that Little Jackson was awake when he stood up, I figured that was what was about to happen.

I heard Suzy groan as everyone else laughed and then scrambled to get out of the theater before Jackson could make good on his word. I stood up and grabbed my cello, walking over to the closet so I could put it in its case. As I was locking the latches, the light overheard went on, and I heard the door close.

Jackson looked down at me, his arms crossed across his chest, and a smirk on his face. I nervously smiled back and finished locking up the case. As I got up off my knees, Jackson took my hand and helped me up, though he didn't let go of it once I was upright.

"When did you do this?" he asked.

"While everyone was working. I wanted to make sure I didn't screw up, so I practiced until my hands couldn't take it anymore. That's why my fingertips look the way they do," I said as I showed how worn they were. "I wanted to do something."

His eyes shot from my fingertips to my face.

"To show you that I love you and to thank you for everything you've done for me," I shrugged.

Jackson took one of my hands in his and glanced at my fingertips again before putting two of them on his lips and kissing

My hooha was suddenly at attention.

He removed my fingers from his face and kissed me, pushing me back against the wall as he did. His hands moved to my head, his fingers threading through my hair, and held my face to his. I grabbed onto his waist, starting to feel a little lightheaded, and them moaned as his hands moved from my head, past the sides of the boobage, and then down to my waist.

And it was there in that closet that I got laid like a champion with my cello next to me.

_It's good being an orchestra geek._

* * *

_**Sarten – Cooking pan**_

_**Abuelita's - Grandma's**_

_**Ama? - Mom?**_

_**Telenovela - Latin soap opera**_

_**Barbacoa - Shredded goat meat**_

_**Te ves bien - You look good**_

_**Gracias - Thank you**_

_**Has rebajado? - Have you lost weight?**_

_**Un poco. Desde la ultima vez que la vi ha perdido quince libras, se me hace. - A bit. Since the last time I saw you, I've lost fiften pounds, I think.**_

_**No puede ser quince. Veinte o mas. - It can't be fifteen. Twenty or more.**_

_**Porque? - Why?**_

_**De quien es ese carro afuerra? Y necesito que alguien me ayude con las bolsas! - Whose car is that out front? And I need someone to help me with these bags!**_

_**Mija - Daughter**_

_**Ijole - Jeez**_

_**Viejo - Old man**_

_**Portate bien - Behave yourself**_

_**Lo amas? - You love him?**_

_**Si - Yes**_

_**Y el? - And him?**_

_**Tambien - Also**_

_**Bueno - Good**_

_**Quieres chorizo? - Do you want (Mexican) sausage?**_

**Reviews are like dirty-talking Jackson: They make me wanna pounce on you.**


	25. Migrate, Part One

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / gGZoKe  
**

* * *

LA. Is. Huge.

I mean, I always knew it was but I guess it's different when you step into it.

And I hadn't even left the airport yet.

I was lugging my two carry-ons and waiting at baggage claim for my cello - Jackson insisted that I bring it with me rather than have Suzy take it back with her to New York - when I took in the amount of people around. It was absolute mayhem.

As I was waiting for that little carrousel thing to bring about my baby, I got a text.

_You here yet? – Graupner_

_Baggage claim. You? – Iris_

Outside and waiting for you. – Graupner

_Where's Jackson? – Iris_

_He went to get you something. I'll be waiting for you out front. I'll be the devilishly handsome man who's waving his hands frantically over his head. – Graupner_

I snorted as I put my iPhone away and squeed when I finally saw my cello making its way to me. I picked it up and found a corner to inspect it, thankful that it was unharmed, before I made my out to the pick-up section of the airport.

As I stepped out, I smiled at the fact that it was the first week of November and it was still warm. I took about two seconds to bask in it before I looked around for Graupner and his skinny ass. A few minutes later, a shady-looking car parked in front of me. Knowing that only Graupner would drive that sucker, I leaned into the passenger side window of the car.

"You looking for a good time, sugar?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"Always. Now get your ass in this car before he hurts me."

I laughed and gently placed my cello in the back seat before I threw my carry-ons in the trunk. I had just settled my ass into the front seat and given Graupner a smile before he sped away like Speedy Gonzalez.

"Are we running from Immigration, senor?"

"Huh?"

"What's with the lead foot?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you always drive this fast?" I asked, looking around for the Oh, Jesus! handle.

"This is how we roll in California, babe."

I laughed, trying to disguise my fear of dying, as I watched the scenery roll by.

I kept my eyes to the window, taking in just how expansive LA was. There were buildings and people everywhere. And palm trees. For the love of cheese, there were palm trees! I vaguely remembered them when I had coerced my parents into taking the family to Disneyland the summer before I started college. I was the happiest person alive. And Mom took a picture of me hugging a palm tree to prove it.

We had only been driving for a short while when Graupner pulled into a hotel's parking garage.

"You meeting a lovely lady for a quick session of sexy time?" I joked.

"We're here," he laughed.

"Here where?"

"Where we're staying."

"You're staying at a hotel? What about the house?"

"Yeah…" he trailed off. "We don't have the house anymore. I thought J told you all of this already."

"We didn't talk about it," I admitted, getting out of the car. "I just assumed you still had the house."

"Nope."

"Oh. Okay."

Graupner grabbed my bags from the trunk while I grabbed my cello from the backseat and then made our way to a door that led to the lobby. As we took the elevator up to whatever floor they were staying on, I asked Graupner about Dean, Jackson's cat, and where he was staying. I was more than relieved to find out that he had arranged it so friends would take care of him while he was shooting or on tour.

"Your suite, m'lady," Graupner said, giving me a cheesy smile.

The room, though, was anything but a suite. It was your standard two bed hotel room.

"Where are Jerad, Benny, and Uncle?" I asked, sitting down on one of the beds and bouncing up and down on it.

"They went to get something to eat, and then they're supposed to be picking up Kristina before they come back here."

"And Jackson?"

"He should actually be here by now," he said, looking down at his wrist even though he didn't have a watch on.

I rolled my eyes, not doing a good job of keeping my goofy grin off my face, and let Graupner show me the drawers in the dresser that he and Jackson had emptied for me. I put away what I could but ended up with most of my clothes still in the suitcases.

"When are you going to play for us?"

I looked up to see Graupner eyeing my cello case.

"Who says I'm going to, buster?"

"Jackson said you played for him," he pouted. "I wanna hear you play. What if I promise not to look? I can put my hands over my eyes or something."

Before I could answer, I heard the door to the hotel room buzz and turned to see Jackson strolling in with a Starbucks coffee in one hand and an In N Out bag in the other.

It may have only been a few days since I had seen him, but I had every urge to run and jump on him. I'm sure if he didn't have anything in his hands, I would've. Instead, I walked right up to him and planted my mouth on his. After a few seconds, I heard the bag in his hand rustle and then his hands move into my hair.

"I'll just disappear now," I heard Graupner say as he brushed by us.

Before things could get to the point of no return with the naughty, I pulled away and settled my face in the crook of his neck and squeed.

"What was that for?' he asked, running his hands up and down my back.

"Just because," I sighed. "But it may have to do with this. Me likey."

I ran my fingers over the stubble on his face and smiled. It was a little different seeing him without the baby smoothness of the Jasper face. Now, he looked all rough and tumble and very mountain man.

"Really?" he smirked.

He leaned his face down against my neck and then kissed me. He followed that up by rubbing his scruff all over, laughing when I tried to run. He stopped me by putting his arm around my waist.

"I brought you something. It's the greatest thing you'll ever put in your mouth."

I couldn't help but let my mind go to that dirty place, and I laughed out loud.

"You're the biggest pervert I know," he smiled, shaking his head. "Anyway. Here."

He handed me the In N Out bag and went on and on about how they were the best burgers ever to grace God's green earth. He also threw in that he felt a little silly asking for a veggie burger when he had also added a double meat, double cheese something or another burger to his order.

"How was Boston?" I asked as I took a bite of my meatless sandwich deliciousness.

Jackson and I had settled in the middle of one of the beds and had created a little picnic area, both of us sitting cross-legged.

"Good. Exhausting. Same as always," he shrugged. "And you?"

"It was okay. It was a little weird having only Rob and Kris around since everyone else left, though."

With the exception of Rob and Kristen, everyone had left Vancouver the Saturday morning after our make-shift Thanksgiving dinner.

"What'd you guys do?"

"Kristen and I had some bonding time actually."

"Yeah?"

"We smoked up yesterday."

_Kristen and Rob were working nights, so I didn't get to see them until noon. He was freaking out about something, and Kristen came over to let him be by himself. She was helping me pack my DVDs and talking about how worried Rob was when she took out her bowl._

_"You feel like one last party?"_

_"Hell. Fucking. Yeah."_

_An hour and two bowls later, she and I were in the living room laughing our asses off about absolutely nothing. Actually, we were laughing at the cow sounds I was making._

_Don't ask._

_So, I'm randomly going "Moo" while she's packing a third bowl when I get a text from Juanita. Attached to it were some blurry pics of the night she and Rob went out to a Bobby Long concert. I made a disgusted noise and threw my phone on the coffee table._

_"What's up?" she asked._

_"Juanita sent me those pictures of you and Rob from the concert. She knows I hate pap pictures, but she wanted me to check with you guys and see if you knew about them."_

_"I know," she laughed._

_"How can you laugh? It's disgusting."_

_"Yeah, it sucks but you have to learn to laugh at shit like that or you'll go crazy. I lose my shit about it a lot of the time, but- "_

_"And what kills me is that people are taking these pics and using them as evidence that you and Rob are together. Like what you do in your free time is any of the public's business. You and Rob are together. Fine. You and Rob aren't together. Fine. Whoopdeefuckindo."_

_"Easy there, killer. Hit this and calm down."_

_She handed me the bowl and I took a huge fucking hit, coughing when my lungs couldn't take it all in. She laughed at my facial expression, and I would've stuck my tongue out at her had I any strength to do so. I handed it back to her, watched her take a hit, and set the bowl down on the table. We both leaned back against the couch and just sat there, letting that round sink in._

_Out of nowhere, Kristen mooed. I couldn't help but laugh as loudly as humanly possible._

_"Can I ask you something?" she asked as my laughter died down._

_"No. Never. What is it?"_

_"We've been friends for how long? Thirty years?"_

_"I think it's more like five months, but go on," I giggled._

_"Whatever. I can't do math right now. Anyway. Why haven't you ever asked about us? Me and Rob, I mean. "_

_"Because it's none of my business. What you two are to each other is between you two. It's like what Jackson and I are to each other is between he and I. It's what my relationship to cheese is."_

_Silence._

_"What?" she laughed loudly._

_"I had a point. I promise. I just can't remember what it is now," I laughed._

_"Cheese! You just compared your relationship with Jackson to cheese!"_

_She and I both doubled over on to the couch cushions and laughed for a solid five minutes. She kept yelling out "Cheese!" and then I went back to mooing._

_Sometime during our farm fest, we heard a knock at the front door. Our high paranoia set in, and we both immediately shut up. _

_"Answer it," she whispered._

_"You answer it," I whispered back._

_"We'll both fucking answer it."_

_She and I slowly got off the couch and tip-toed to the front door, half-screaming when the doorbell chimed. Once we got to the door, we looked at each other and my hand shook as I went for the door handle._

_It's not the police. We're not gonna get arrested. They're not gonna take the weed from us!_

_As I slowly opened the door, the relief at recognizing Rob's face and not the popo's caused me to launch my body at him, hugging him around the waist._

_"You scared the fuck out of us!" Kristen yelled._

_"So why is she hugging me?" he asked._

_"I'm just so thankful you're not here to take us to jail."_

_I unwrapped my arms from around him and then grabbed his face._

_"I could kiss you for not being the police."_

_"You're so fucking stoned," he said after a pause, looking right into my eyes._

_"Dude, stop looking at me like that. You're wigging me the fuck out again."_

_He walked into the house and started laughing._

_"It smells like what Cheech and Chong look like in here."_

"Rob helped us out with the rest of the bowl, and then we finished packing up my DVDs while we waited for the pizza to arrive," I concluded, taking a drink of soda. "You know. I never found out what the hell Rob was wigging out about in the first place."

Jackson laughed while biting into his buffet of meat burger.

"What?"

"They were scheduled to shoot the proposal scene last."

"The leg hitch?" I beamed.

"The what?"

"The leg hitch scene. When Edward hitches Bella's leg? All the TwiHards are adamant that it be included in the movie, because it's all lusty and stuff."

"That _would_ send Rob into a panic attack," he mumbled while smiling. "It's not easy having cameras on you when you're filming something like that."

I raised my eyebrows at him as I shoved a fry into my mouth.

"I had to shoot something like that for _Girlfriend_ last week."

"Oh?"

He avoided making eye contact with me as he shrugged and then dove into his burger again.

"Hey. Why you getting weird on me?"

"It's pretty… graphic," he answered, finally looking me in the eye.

"Is, uh, Little Jackson on screen at any point?"

"Little Jackson? Really? I'm offended," he mock pouted.

I rolled my eyes and then made a hand gesture for him to continue with his explanation of the nakedness.

"There might be an ass shot included. I don't know what the final cut will be yet, but a sex scene's in the script."

"Well, you do have a nice tushy," I shrugged.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"It doesn't bother you that my ass might be out there for the world to see?"

"It's your ass, not mine," I laughed. "Besides, it has to do with work, right? It's not like you're actually banging this chick in real life."

It was quiet for about two seconds, and then I threw a fry at him to ease the tension, laughing when it ended up going down his flannel shirt.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked.

"You talking to me or your burger there, sport?"

"The burger, of course," he said, positioning himself so he was on his knees.

He slowly started to crawl over to me, and I immediately grabbed our burgers and placed them on the nightstand before they ended up on the floor somewhere.

By that time, though, the fries could not be saved.

Jackson leaned in to kiss me and I ducked my head, giggling at the look on his face.

"I'm not kissing you until you brush your teeth, carnivore," I laughed.

"Oh, come on!"

"Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen," I smiled, shaking my head.

"Fine. There are other things I could do…"

His hands reached out and gripped my waist, making me squeal when he pulled me down so I was completely underneath him. He moved his hands down my thighs and parted them at the knees so he could settle in between them.

True to his word, he kept his mouth off of mine. His mouth, however, started doing its thing behind my ear and moving down to underneath my chin. As his mouth moved to the other side of my face, his hands went back to my waist, taking a firm grip as he began to slowly grind into me.

_Dick, you remember Hooha, right?_

"Not fair," I moaned.

"Fuck being fair," he mumbled into my ear.

And that was when I started wondering what his newly grown scruff would feel like between my legs.

I had about three buttons on his shirt undone before I finally got impatient and moved directly to the zipper on his pants.

And then his cell phone rang.

"Ignore it."

"I can't," he huffed into my neck, starting to move out from in between my legs.

I grabbed his face in my hands, squeezing his cheeks a little, and gave him the death glare.

"Ignore. It."

"I really can't. Patch is supposed to be calling me."

He gave me a quick kiss on the nose and finally moved himself completely off of me. He ran to answer his phone, and I pouted as I rested back on my elbows and watched him adjust himself.

He spoke with her for a bit before he finally let out a big exhale and turned to look at me.

"Patch, can you hold on a second?"

He pulled the phone from his ear and did that frustration scrub of the face thing.

"I have to meet up with her."

"Oh."

_Don't make the disappointed face, Iris._

"Okay. Go do what you need to. I'll just, you know, clean or something. Maybe I can get Graupner to come back from wherever he took off to and play with me for a little while."

I moved off the bed and started to reach for the fries on the floor that had been the casualties of our libidos but stopped and looked up when I felt Jackson near me.

"I'm really sorry, Baby Girl. She knew you were coming in today, so she wouldn't have called if it wasn't important."

"Don't worry about it. But you'll have to make it up to me with another one of these burgers before I leave here," I smiled. "And stop keeping Patch waiting. It's rude, and I'm not above listening to Mama Rathbone yell at you for it."

And because I love the fucker, I let him kiss me on the mouth even though he hadn't brushed his teeth.

As soon as he was out the door, I texted Graupner and told him that Jackson broke up with me for a cheeseburger, and I needed him to console me. He told me that he took off to In N Out when he got a whiff of the food Jackson had brought over, but he would be back soon.

I cleaned up the fast food mess, the two layers of clothes the boys had all over the floor, and then sat down on the bed to figure out what I could do to entertain myself until everyone got back. I didn't feel like watching TV, and I had no idea where the hotel or anything in the city was to even attempt taking a walk.

_I need to burn off this sexual frustration, damn it._

Then the choir of angels normally reserved for a Mariah Carey Christmas song sang their chords and directed me towards my cello in the corner of the room.

In order to keep from freaking out on the plane, and because it's _Harry Potter_, I had listened to the score for _The Half Blood Prince_ the entire flight. There was one track, "Dumbledore's Farewell," that heavily featured the cello, and I wanted to see how long it would take me to figure out the arrangement.

Figuring that I had probably an hour or so before anybody would be able to come back, I sat on the bed and positioned my cello between my legs, wondering how long it would be before I could get _Jackson's_ wood there, and put my headphones in.

Since I had listened to the song on repeat for a while during the flight, I had a basic grasp of the notes, so rather than focus on those, I grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down possible variations or added chords that would work with the melody of the song.

I practiced for a while, taking turns from looking out the hotel room's window and just keeping my head down and eyes closed. I was so in the moment, not to mention I had the volume on my in-ear headphones turned up so loud, that I didn't hear the door open. I did, however, feel the bed dip behind me. Almost immediately, there were fingers dancing along the back of neck. I stopped bowing, ready to stop practicing and finish what Jackson and I had started earlier, but he moved my hands back in front of the cello. I decided to play out the last minute or so left of the song and was rewarded with scruffiness against my shoulder and kisses behind my ear.

"That didn't take long," I said after I was finally done, removing my headphones and turning around.

"I had to sign some contracts, but Patch had everything ready to go so I could get in and out," he hummed into my neck. "What was that? What you were playing?"

"Something from the latest _Harry Potter_ score."

"I told you they're absolutely disgusting."

Jackson and I turned toward the door and found Graupner smiling his face off with the rest of the Monkeys and a beautiful brunette behind him.

"Graupner, why is it you always come in and ruin the best times?" I fake glared at him.

"It's a talent," he shrugged.

I hopped off the bed and set my cello against the wall. I walked over and gave the boys hugs, Uncle Larry teasing me about what was for dinner, and found myself face-to-face with the brunette beauty.

"I'm Kristina. It's so nice to finally meet you," she smiled.

"Should I worry about the finally part?" I laughed.

"Considering you got Jerad to cook for me, not at all."

She and I started teasing Jerad about his lack of cooking skills, laughing at the faces he was making at the two of us, and fell into a comfy conversation.

"This female bonding thing is sweet and everything, but I want Iris to play that cello for me," Graupner interrupted.

"Uh, no. That's okay. I'll spare you."

"Come on, Miss Iris. It's a blessing to be able to play such a beautiful instrument."

And because nobody can ever deny Uncle Larry anything he asks for, I gave in.

I groaned and dragged my feet - for dramatic effect - all the way to the far bed where my cello was located. As I sat down, positioned it, and grabbed my bow, Jackson grabbed my iPhone and placed it in his iPod dock. He placed it on the nightstand next to me and then settled himself in a chair next to Uncle Larry while everyone else sat on the other bed and waited for me to begin.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

Honestly, I was more embarrassed than I was nervous. The thought that poor Kristina had to endure one of my playing sessions no more than five minutes after meeting me made me feel bad for her, but the usual panic attack feelings I had when playing for an audience were barely there.

_I wonder what the fuck that's all about._

"Quit stalling and play, Baby Girl."

I looked over at Jackson and gave him my sweetest smile, following it up by flipping him off and causing everyone to laugh.

"Do you want me to start it for you?" Benny asked since he was the closest to the player.

I straightened my back and placed my bow on the strings, nodding to Benny when I was ready.

As the song began with a quiet cello note, I kept my head down and my eyes firmly on where my bow met the strings. Quietly and slowly, I did my best to blend in with the music coming from my iPhone. As soon as I heard the choir come in, I braced myself and put more pressure on the string to increase the volume. Because the tone was so melancholy, I kept the vibrato simple and kept the notes crisp and clear. By the end of the song, I could actually feel the pain of the composition, letting me know that I had maybe done an okay job.

Once the song was over, I set my bow down quickly on the bed and watched Benny pause my iPhone.

"Whoa. That was serious. And sad. It was seriously sad," Graupner said.

"It's from the scene where Dumbledore dies," I explained, watching Kristina sit up from the bed and walk over to Jackson.

Out of nowhere, she slapped him on the back of the head.

"What the hell was that for?" he whined as he rubbed where she had hit him.

"Don't screw this up," she said.

Jerad and Benny immediately burst out into laughter. I placed my cello on the bed and walked over to Jackson, giving him a mini-head massage.

"You okay?" I asked, trying to keep from laughing.

"I guess she likes you," he mumbled.

I snorted and then smiled at Kristina, finally breaking out into laughter when she pointed at Jackson and then ran her finger across her throat while glaring at him.

"What?" Jackson asked, turning and facing Kristina.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," I said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Kristina and I sat on one of the beds and talked while the boys gathered around the other bed and discussed business. When everyone was talked out, Jerad mentioned something about dinner.

"You guys wanna go out to the diner?" Benny asked.

"I thought we could do something at the house now that Iris is here," Jerad replied, giving me a puppy dog face.

"Is that your way of asking me to make dinner?"

"Ignore him. I could make something, or we could go out," Kristina replied.

"I'm just giving him shit. I can totally do dinner. I haven't made anything since the _tamales_ I made Saturday."

"You made _tamales_?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah. I asked Rob and Kristen to take them to set and feed your director."

"Lucky bastard," he mumbled.

"Anyway," I rolled my eyes. "Any requests?"

"_Enchiladas_."

"_Tostadas_."

"_Tacos_."

"Pie."

"Really, boys. Don't be shy," I laughed.

We got into two separate cars, Kristina and I in one with the Monkeys in the other, after agreeing on _enchiladas_. The boys were going to pick up Molly and then head over to Jerad's house while Kristina and I went grocery shopping.

When we were done and drove to her house, we rolled our eyes at the noise coming from inside.

"It's like living in a zoo," she said. "Poor Molly. She must be on the verge of killing someone right now."

We walked in and found Benny with his arm around a small brunette on the couch, Uncle Larry watching TV, and Jackson, Graupner, and Jerad running after one another throughout the house.

"It's like having three giant two year olds," I said.

"Now you understand my pain."

"Scott's on his way over!" Graupner yelled as he ran by us again.

Kristina and I set the groceries down in the kitchen before Benny introduced me to Molly. She smiled as she shook my hand and then rolled her eyes when Jackson slapped my ass as he ran into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. She went back to Benny, and I started making dinner, giving Kristina instructions as she watched.

Halfway through, some dude I had never met before strolled into the house. He high-fived the boys and shook Uncle Larry's hand. Jackson and Graupner yelled, "Scott's here!" as he made his way over to give Kristina a hug.

"Hi. I didn't catch your name. Scott is it?" I laughed as I shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Iris," he laughed, looking at Jackson.

With Scott there, the boys grabbed their instruments and headed out to the backyard while the food finished cooking and the three of us girls made small talk.

"Jerad mentioned that Jackson wanted us to talk to you about dealing with the fact that they're going on tour," Kristina casually mentioned.

"Oh. Well, yeah. I just… I don't know. We were kind of in our own little bubble in Vancouver. The most time we spent apart was three weeks, and that was tough enough. I don't know how I'll deal with six months."

Kristina and Molly looked at each other and then put whatever they had in their hands down.

"You guys have the serious face," I said, a little worried about what they were about to tell me.

"The thing you really have to prepare yourself for is the amount of girls," Molly began. "They're everywhere, and they're pretty hardcore."

"There are a few - a _very_ few - that are friends with the band and aren't entirely unhinged. Those you don't have to worry about. It's the ones that throw themselves at Jackson you have to keep an eye out for," Kristina continued.

"There's throwing?"

"Girls will wait after the shows and try to buy the band drinks or talk to them when they're loading up the trailer. All of the guys get it, but Jackson's the one that gets it the most."

"Oh," I whispered, turning back to the stove and concentrating on the _arroz_.

"Hey."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see Kristina's worried face.

"Don't freak out. You just have to stay in constant contact with him when they're on the road."

"Call him. Email him. Do whatever you need to to make things easier on you. He'll understand if you just suddenly need to talk to him. The plus side is that you don't have to worry about Jackson."

"What do you mean?"

"That guy loves you. He won't shut up about you," Molly laughed. "No offense, but if I have to hear about you and the singing and the cello and the cooking and DVD collection and the baby whispering one more time, I'm going to cut his tongue out."

I laughed, internally giddy at the fact that Jackson was so willing to include me in the lives of his friends by talking to them about me, and went back to cooking.

Ten minutes later, the boys came rushing in and started grabbing more beer from the fridge as I started adding food to plates. Since Jerad and Kristina's kitchen table only had four seats, we all decided to eat on the grass in the backyard.

It had gotten colder out, but we bundled up in light jackets since it wasn't too bad considering it was November. We all joked and laughed as we sat around and ate. And it made me really happy to know that Jackson could go from the family of the movie cast to the family of the band.

"You got domestic," Scott said, pointing an accusatory finger at Jackson and then winking at me.

"What, dude? Jealous because my woman loves me and knows how to cook?"

"Thank you, baby," I smiled, giving him a peck on the lips to up the cheese factor.

"See? You've settled down, man."

"Jeez, Scott. You say it like it's a bad thing," I grumbled.

"It's not that. It's just different."

"Different from the days of him fucking any vagina in his path?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him and watching his eyes get big.

"Shit! No. I didn't mean that. What I meant was—"

"She's teasing you, man. But feel free to shut up at any moment now," Jackson laughed. "You done with your plate?" he asked me.

I nodded and watched him take my plate, as well as Kristina's and Molly's, and go inside. The rest of the boys followed, and I took the opportunity to jokingly elbow Scott in the ribs.

"You know I was just kidding, right?"

"Remind me to never piss you off," he smiled.

"Don't make Iris angry. You don't wanna see Iris angry," I joked. "And for the record, I know he's different. He's told me as much himself."

"It's a good different. That's what I was trying to say before you scared the shit out of me."

Once we all got our dishes inside and Jerad and Jackson washed them, we went back outside to smoke our cigarettes. Scott reminded them that they had studio time booked the next day. Jackson shot me an apologetic look, whispering to me that he had completely forgotten, but I shook my head and gave him my usual obligations speech.

On the way back to the hotel, Graupner told Jackson and I that he would bunk with Uncle Larry for the night. When I asked why, Graupner laughed.

"Quality time with a loved one, Miss Iris, is always needed," Uncle Larry smiled.

"If that's true, then we should put Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in a room instead so you and I can have a little jam session."

"I heard that," Jackson said, glaring at me through the rearview mirror.

When we got back to the hotel, Graupner took some stuff out and immediately walked over to Uncle Larry's room.

"Alone at last," I sighed.

I smirked at Jackson who was giving me _the_ look as he leaned back on his elbows while sitting on one of the beds. I walked over to him and then gave him a huge ass fucking kiss. Before he could react, though, I pulled away and then threw myself on the other bed.

"Night night," I giggled.

"Whether it's this bed or the other, Baby Girl, I'm going to properly welcome you to LA by finishing up what we started earlier," he said as he walked over to me.

And we did. On both beds. And the shower.

The next day while the band was at the studio doing whatever it was they did with Scott, I walked around the neighborhood and spent a few hours at the nearest Starbucks. I wanted to do all of the touristy stuff, but I didn't know up from down so I wasn't gonna try and navigate LA on my own. I had been back in the hotel room for maybe an hour when everyone - and I mean everyone - burst through the door, laughing and being loud. Jackson immediately came over and gave me this dramatic kiss, smiling like a loon when he pulled back.

"Good day?" I laughed.

He leaned down and gave me another kiss instead of answering, walking back to the rest of the Monkeys who were seated on the opposite bed. Kristina came over and patted my hand.

"They were like this when they picked me up. I'm surprised I'm not bald," she joked, pulling on her hair to demonstrate.

I noticed Marty was with the boys, and I immediately smiled.

"Marty! Where the hell have you been? I don't get to see you much," I said, going over to give him a hug.

"Phone calls, planning, talking to the ladies," he smiled. "It never ends."

I shook my head and sighed as the room erupted into laughter.

"Which reminds me," Marty began. "Everyone needs to be packed and ready to go Thursday night. Our flights aren't until noon on Friday, but I don't wanna take any chances."

All the boys nodded and agreed as I stood there, confused and wondering what the fuck was going on.

"Flight? You guys are going somewhere?" I asked.

"We're playing that Twilight convention on Saturday," Jerad replied as if I was supposed to have already known.

"Where?"

"Tennessee."

_Don't wig out. It's probably just a mistake._

"Um, you're going for Tennessee? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, directing my question at Jackson.

"Dude, you didn't tell her we weren't going to be here?" Graupner asked.

Suddenly, everyone was dead quiet. Jackson couldn't even respon as he looked at everywhere and everyone but me.

"You knew I had shows while you were here," he finally answered.

"Yeah. _Here_. I didn't think I was going to be left alone for days in a city I don't know while you're on the other side of the country!"

_So much for not wigging out._

I saw Jackson flinch a bit before I finally just closed my eyes and let out a big sigh, hoping to calm myself.

"We'll leave you guys to talk about this," I heard Kristina say.

Everyone was scrambling to get to the door as quickly as possible.

"No. You guys stay put. I need to... get away from here," I said, grabbing my purse and giving Jackson a death glare before I walked out of the room.

As I was walking down the hall, I could hear Kristina's raised voice, asking him why I wasn't in the know. I threw my headphones in the moment I was outside and just started to walk.

I had made my way around the area for about thirty minutes before I decided to head back to the Starbucks. I avoided all of Jackson's calls, immediately deleting the voicemails he had left without even listening to them.

I was probably on my third frap when I got a text from Benny.

_You okay? Where are you? – Benny_

_Starbucks. – Iris_

_Don't move. I'm on my way. – Benny._

Ten minutes later, Benny and Kristina walked in and smiled. They ordered themselves something and then sat down in the chairs across from me.

"I'm sorry for the dramatic walk out," I immediately apologized. "I just wasn't expecting that."

"I don't know what you're apologizing for. _He_ fucked up."

My eyes flew over to Benny, both Kristina and I staring at him as he took a drink and then shrugged.

"What? It's true. You should've heard Jerad laying into him."

"Fuck. That's not what I wanted. I just didn't know how to deal with the fact that he didn't bother to tell me that you guys had a show across the country. It makes me feel like a burden."

"Stop it. I just don't think he's used to this whole thing with having to let someone else know what's going on in his life. I'm not trying to make excuses for him or anything, but… I don't know."

"Me, either," I sighed.

"Jerad's reading him the riot act," Kristina lightly laughed. "Just remember that he's not used to having to report to someone with all of this shit going on."

"That's just it. I don't want him to feel bad, because he has a show. I'm just pissed that he didn't think I was important enough to say, 'Hey. By the way, I'm not going to be here for a few days.' I mean, am I being a big baby about this?"

"Cut that shit out," Benny said. "You know you're not. _He's_ the one that fucked up. Imagine if Jerad had done that to Kris."

"Dead meat," she replied, slowly shaking her head.

We sat there in complete silence as we finished our drinks. Without saying a word, we got up and walked out, making our way back to the hotel. It was a pretty quiet walk back, as well. The first words out of anybody's mouth were Benny's when we were in the elevator on the way up to the room.

"He fucked up. We all know that. But try and work this out as quickly as possible. Don't let this ruin your time here. You're on vacation," he smiled.

I nodded and sighed, keeping my eyes on the carpet as we walked down the hall and even when we walked back into the hotel room. The minute I walked in, everyone booked it the fuck outta the room, leaving Jackson and I alone.

I placed my purse on the dresser and leaned against it, crossing my arms over my chest and watched as Jackson stood up from one of the beds and walked over to me. He tried putting his arms around me, but I shook my head and lightly pushed him back.

"You don't get to fix this with a hug and a kiss, Jackson."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you know what you're sorry about, though?"

He scrubbed his face out of frustration and then walked back, eventually sitting on the other bed as he faced me.

"Lemme just say what I have to say, and then you can do whatever you want," I began. "I get that you have work. You told me you had a couple of shows between leaving Vancouver and the premiere. That's not my issue. I'm getting used to you not being around with everything you have to do. What I don't get is that the fact that your traveling to the other side of the country isn't something you think you need to tell me. I'm here because you wanted me here, and because I wanted me here. Would I have changed my mind about coming here had I known about Tennessee? No. But I at least would've known."

"I fucked up. I'm sorry."

"I just don't get how something like doesn't work its way into a conversation. Had Marty not said anything while I was here, how would I have found out? From one of the other guys? Or when you guys were leaving for the airport?"

"I forgot at first, and when I finally remembered, I didn't know how to tell you. I felt like an asshole for asking you to come here with me and then having to up and leave."

"And you thought your way of fixing it was by not telling me at all?"

"Like I said, I fucked up and I'm an asshole."

He let out a big exhale and stared at the carpet. It was quiet for a bit until I just couldn't take the quiet or me being mad anymore.

"Hey," I said, waiting for him to raise his head at me. "Don't talk about my Hottie McGreenEyes that way."

I walked over to the bed, sitting next to him and resting my chin on his shoulder.

"You gotta talk to me about these things, you know. Weren't you the one who told me our relationship would go to shit if we didn't talk?"

He turned his head to look at me, our faces maybe an inch apart, and he nodded.

"If you're worried about hurting my feelings, don't. I may not act like it, but I'm a big girl. And we really need to keep the communication thing going now that you're going on tour. Okay?"

"OK."

"To keep this from happening again, you think I could get a copy of your schedule or something?"

He smiled at my joke and then reached over to put his arms around me, bringing me over so I was standing in front of him. He grabbed my hips, letting out a giant sigh as he rested his forehead on my stomach. I let my hands run through his hair for a bit before he finally looked up.

"You scared me a little," I said as I bent down and kissed the top of his head. "I thought this whole thing was a sign I shouldn't be here, that you have too much going on in your life to include me in it."

He let out a sigh that nearly broke my heart.

"I really am sorry. I guess I take the fact that you never question what I have to do for work for granted."

"And I'm sorry for just walking out. I should've stayed and talked, but—"

"No. You don't get to do that. _I'm_ one that fucked up. You're not apologizing for shit. Got that?"

He squeezed my hips as he finished, and I couldn't take my eyes away from the seriously serious look on his face.

"Got it. All your fault. I'm an angel."

I lightly laughed and watched as he stood up, his hands moving to my face.

"You still love me?"

"The jury's out," I shrugged. "Persuasion may be needed."

He smiled _that_ smile at me and then leaned down to kiss me, completely taking my breath away.

"And now?" he asked, his lips still on mine.

"Keep trying," I replied.

And that was when I found out that make-up sex is just as good, if not better, than any other sex.

As it turned out, the three days that the band was gone went by really fast. I got a call from Nikki on Saturday, surprising the hell out of me since I didn't expect to hear from her until it was closer to the premiere.

"Oh, God," she said. "How do you live with this?"

She gestured to the mountains of clothes on the floor that Jackson and Graupner had lying around the hotel room. I had given up trying to keep it clean after my repeated attempts had failed.

"I can't keep the room clean. I just gave up," I shrugged.

She rolled her eyes, grabbed my purse, and dragged me out of the room. We got in her car and she told me about all of the press she and the rest of the crew, minus Jackson, were about to deal with since the premiere was the following week. We ended up at a nice restaurant for lunch. It felt a little weird being out in the open with her and I think she realized it, because she kept assuring me that there weren't any paps around.

"You wanna do something in particular?" she asked as we got back into her car.

"Disneyland," I laughed. "But I know that's a no go. You have anywhere you wanna go?"

"How about a drive?"

Nikki took me on some really windy roads through the mountains, letting me geek out over the LA skyline. She parked the car somewhere that overlooked the city. She turned off the engine and sighed.

"We gonna make out now?" I laughed.

"I'm sure your man wouldn't approve."

"You kidding me? He'd be pissed he wasn't here to see it."

Just then, the devil himself sent me a text message saying he missed me and apologized again for the whole fight we had had.

"How are things with you two?"

"The usual," I shrugged. "He's gone a lot, but I was expecting that."

I had filled Nikki in on the whole debacle during lunch. She threatened to kick him in the balls. I reminded her that I was pretty fond of them.

"Have you guys talked about how things are going to go once you leave and he's on tour?"

"No. I think we're waiting until later, so we don't ruin what little time we have left."

"You know, if you need to talk, you can call me. I know this can't be easy for you."

"Speaking of, how's _your_ guy?" I asked, wanting to change the gloomy subject.

"He's fine," she blushed. "I talked to him early this morning."

"Is he gonna take you to the premiere?"

"Nah. We're gonna lay low for as long as we can."

Nikki was dating Paris Latsis, and I had never seen her smile so much as when she talked about him. It broke my heart that she couldn't or wouldn't take him to the premiere because they were trying to keep their relationship on the down low.

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

"It's no big deal," she brushed off. "It's what you're doing for the premiere actually."

"But that's different. Nobody knows who I am, and I'd like to keep it that way. The last thing I need is to have Twi and Monkeys fans stalking me, because they know I'm dating Jackson. I don't think I could take the scrutiny."

I stepped out of the car and lit a cig, Nikki getting out as well as we sat on the hood of her car.

"Do you know what you're wearing for the premiere yet?" I asked.

"I think so. You?"

"I'll probably just go with the dress I wore for the reunion."

As much as I wanted to get a new dress, there was no way I could afford something that would be considered fancy enough for a movie premiere. I still had to worry about going to somewhere to get my hair done.

"Get in the car."

"What? Why?"

"We're getting you a dress."

"Nik, the one I have is fine."

"Shut up."

"Nik," I sighed. "I can't afford it. I have to worry about getting home and rent in New York and all that shit."

"Who said you're paying for it?" she smiled.

"Fuck that. You're not buying me a dress. No way in Hell."

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want you spending money on me. I hate that shit. And I could never pay you back. Premiere dresses are expensive as fuck."

She and I continued to argue until she pulled out her cell phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She held her finger up to me.

"Hey. We have a problem. Iris thinks she's going to the premiere in that dress she wore for her reunion. Yeah, I know. I told her she's fucking crazy. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Bye."

"What the hell are you doing?" I half-yelled.

She completely ignored me and made another call.

"What are we doing with Iris for the premiere? Kristen and I have that part taken care of. Okay… Alright. I'll get him to switch his pick up to your hotel. Got it. Love you. Bye."

She hung up the call and sat back in the seat with a smile on her face.

"Uh, dude? You wanna explain to me what that was all about?"

"Kristen and I are taking care of your dress, and you're getting ready in Ashley's hotel room so that you can have your hair and make-up done by her people. I'll message Jackson later and have him tell Patch that his limo needs to pick him up there."

"First of all, no fucking way. Second of all, I'm not even walking the carpet so what does it matter what I look like? Third, no fucking way. Fourth, why have the limo pick him up at Ashley's hotel since I'm not going with him? He won't need to be there."

"I want you to have fun at this thing," she said, completely ignoring all of my questions. "You never let us do anything for you. Think of it as a thank you for all the dinners. Please?"

I could've filled the Rio Grande with the amount of tears I wanted to cry. The fact that she wouldn't let me fight her on it and that Kristen and Ashley were so willing to help out made me wanna bawl my eyes out.

"Okay," I croaked, nodding my head.

"No crying," she laughed. "Jackson'll wonder what I did to you."

"Or he'll think the day ends in 'Y,'" I joked. "You know you guys don't have to do this, but… Thank you."

"I know we don't. And you're welcome."

She smiled. I smiled. And I ended our gooey moment by going back outside to have another cigarette.

While I smoked, Nikki made some more phone calls, and when I got back in the car, she told me that she had called her manager to call ahead to some stores and have dresses for me put aside. I facepalmed at the fact that people were going to be doting on me like I was a debutante or some shit, but I sucked it up and smiled since Nikki had gone through the trouble.

We ended up choosing a dress from the second store we went to and shoes from the third one. Every time I tried to get the price of the dress or shoes from the clerks, Nikki stepped in and gave me a death glare. I was kinda happy I was with her and not Kristen, because I woulda died from the bitchface she would've surely given me.

The entire ordeal lasted roughly four hours, and I was exhausted by the time we were done. I'm sure the clerks were happy to see me go since I was making _Pretty Woman_ references the entire time. Nikki laughed as I pretended to fall asleep and snore like a chainsaw on the ride home. If I wasn't so busy pretending, I definitely would've fallen asleep.

"So," she began as she parked the car in front of the hotel. "Your dress and shoes will be delivered to Ashley's hotel the day before the premiere. If they're not there by three, call me and I'll get a hold of the stores."

Not knowing what to say and afraid that I'd start crying, I simply nodded. I had gotten as far as gripping my bag and opening the door when I suddenly leaned back over to her and gave her a crushing hug.

"Whoa," she lightly laughed as she patted my back.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I know I'm a pain in the ass and you wanna shove my face in the dirt sometimes, but I really appreciate this. More for him than anything else. I don't want to embarrass him."

"If you need me for _anything_, I don't care what time it is, call me. I mean it," she replied, hugging me back. "And you tell that asshole that his ass is grass the next time I see him."

"Aye aye, captain."

I texted Jackson with Nikki's message as I made my way back to the hotel room.

_Is there any way I can get out of this with my dick still attached to my body? – J Action_

_I told her not to hurt it since it's my favorite part of you. I told her she had free reign over the rest of you, though. – Iris_

_I love you. – J Action_

_You better. – Iris_

The boys came back the next day with some crazy ass stories from their trip, and I sat and listened as we all chowed down on pizza while we sat on the beds. As soon as everyone was done, they all left, Graupner giving me his cheesy grin and wagging his eyebrows. I got what he was being so goofy about when Jackson pulled out _Transformers_ from one of his bags.

"Now, you know I can't stand this movie," he said, smirking.

"I do."

During one of our movie nights back in Vancouver, Jackson and I had gotten into a discussion over his type of movies versus mine. I valiantly defended Michael Bay and his need to make things explode for no reason against Jackson's preferred snooze fest of movies released before either of us was born. I'd take blowing up alien life forms disguised as GMC vehicles over a thirty year old movie that supposedly had meaning any day.

Before he could explain why were watching _Transformers_, though I had a feeling he was still trying to make it up to me, I grabbed the movie out of his hands and tossed it somewhere behind me. We never got around to watching the movie, and Graupner conveniently never came back to the room that night.

The following couple of days were Jackson-packed. I guess he was still feeling guilty, because he never left my side. He drove me around through the really ritzy neighborhoods in Beverly Hills, out to the Hollywood sign where he snapped a pic of me jumping in mid air at the base of the mountain, and out to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I was freaking the fuck out that somebody would recognize him, but it never happened. He held my hand and laughed at my geeking out and refused to let me pay for anything. I didn't know whether Nikki had told him anything about my not being able to afford a dress for the premiere, but he never indicated that he had even talked to her. I initially put up a fuss but stopped when I saw how serious he was about it.

Jackson had to get back to the recording studio and whatever else needed taking care of on Wednesday and Thursday, but took me out to eat at Swingers with the rest of the band that night to make up for being gone. It was there in that blue booth that Jackson casually mentioned that his parents and sisters were coming in on Saturday.

I nearly choked on my peanut butter milkshake.

Not knowing that I was internally having a panic attack, he chuckled and went back to eating his flesh burger. Graupner noticed something was up and immediately pounced once we had all gotten back to the hotel, and Jackson went next door to talk to Uncle Larry.

"Why are you so worried?" Graupner asked once Jackson left the hotel room.

"Huh?"

"Don't huh me."

"That obvious?"

I sighed and sat down on one of the beds. To be honest, I didn't know why I was so nervous. I had talked to Randee on more than one occasion. She had told me that Papa Rathbone wanted to meet me and that Jackson's sisters didn't think I was a golddigger. I just wanted them to like me. I didn't want them to think I was weird or a spaz or a potential problem in Jackson's future.

"I want them to like me," I mumbled.

"They _do_ like you. Listen, I'll tell you exactly how it's going to go. Randee's gonna hug the shit out of you. Brit's gonna make some smart ass joke about your relationship. Kelly's gonna kinda hang back until you say something to her. Jack's gonna come off as a hardass, but the man's a giant teddy bear so you don't have to worry about anything."

"Okay…"

"Seriously. Nothing to worry about," he said as he gave me a smile and then stole the remote.

Since Jackson wasn't scheduled to pick up his family until four in the afternoon, I got the courtesy of being a nervous wreck all day. I tried to clean, but it didn't help. I tried to play the cello, but my mind wasn't into it. Graupner even offered me a piggyback ride, but nothing.

"Maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this…" Jackson trailed off as he took in my worried face.

"What?"

"Patch is joining us for dinner."

"For the love of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony! Why are you just telling me this now?" I sorta yelled.

"She was asking about their flight yesterday, and I asked her to join us. I think it's about time you two met."

"Your family and your manager. Great. At least when I throw up, I'll only have to do it once instead of twice."

"Hey. Listen to me," he said, grabbing my face in his hands. "You're freaking out over nothing. Mom already loves you. Once you have her in your corner, you have them all. And Patch doesn't wanna talk business tonight. She honestly just wants to get to know more about you."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Now," he said, clearing his throat. "What can I do to take your mind off of this?"

As he spoke, he walked me backwards until the backs of my thighs hit the dresser. His hands moved from my face to my hips and then further down to the backs of my knees. Steadying myself with my hands on his shoulders, he leaned me back and then brought my legs up so they were on either side of his body. He so slowly fucking kissed me, and I would've let him take me to town were it not for his family's arrival.

"Don't start something you can finish, cowboy. You have to leave for the airport."

"This'll just take a couple of minutes," he lowly laughed.

"As appealing as 120 seconds of pure unadulterated pleasure sound, you should go."

"Fine," he huffed.

He gave me a quick kiss before he walked out the door. The minute the door closed, I hopped in the shower and got ready to meet the Rathbones.

I had just finished putting away all my make-up when Jackson texted me that they were on their way up. I checked myself out in the mirror and made sure I didn't have a giant eyeliner mark on my face somewhere. I prayed that I looked decent since I had decided to go with an upgraded Iris outfit. I had switched outfits at least three times before I decided on skinny jeans, a Camp Anawanna t-shirt, and matching black Mary Jane heels. I didn't wanna make it seem like I was trying too hard, so I kept the make-up natural and the hair down and curly.

Before I could think about anything else, I heard the door open.

A whole mess of sounds ranging from laughter to yelling to shuffling bombarded me as I watched Jackson's family walk through the door. I had an image of the room going deathly silent as they inspected me, but it just didn't happen.

"Iris?" Randee said as she smiled at me.

"Hi, Mama Rathbone."

She walked toward me, and I didn't know whether I should shake her hand or just give a slight wave. It turns out that I didn't get to do either since she pulled me in for a hug.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," she said, her Texas accent full force in my ear.

She pulled back but still held on to me, her eyes roaming my face. A few seconds later, I heard a throat clear and both Randee and I turned toward the noise.

"Iris. It's a pleasure to meet you.'

"It's nice to meet you, too," I smiled as I shook Papa Rathbone's hand. "How was your flight?"

"It was quite alright. Thank you for asking."

I nodded and smiled, not knowing what else I could ask or say to fill the conversation.

"Well, her hair's all one color."

The three of us turned to Britney who had a very Jackson-like smirk on her face.

"Britney…" Jackson said, a slight tone of warning in his voice.

"What? The last girl you brought home had hot pink in her hair," she laughed.

"Hi, Britney," I laughed, giving her a small wave from where I stood.

As Randee and Papa Rathbone walked over to Britney and said something about behaving herself, I made my way to Kelly.

"Hi. I'm Iris. Nice to meet you," I smiled.

She shook my hand, and I watched as a slow smile took over her face.

"He made it sound like you were going to jump out of the window from being so nervous," she laughed.

I turned around, ready to give Jackson a smack upside his head, and caught him making the "Cut it out" sign with his hands. When he made eye contact with me, he dropped them to his sides and tried to give me the innocent face.

"You told them?" I practically shrieked.

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

I gave him a glare that I hoped would strike the fear of God in him and vowed to kick his ass later.

"We should get going before she kills me," Jackson announced, making Papa Rathbone smirk and Randee laugh.

The drive to the restaurant was full of conversation between Jackson and his family. I sat back and took in their conversation, laughing at the way Randee scolded him for not getting enough sleep and taking too much on.

The driver dropped us off in front of the restaurant and we scurried inside, immediately running into Patch since she decided to wait for us at the front instead of at the table. Rather than make introductions there, we were escorted to a table in the back that was clear of other diners. I thanked the Lord that Jackson sat next to me. Patch was at my left at the bottom of the table, Kelly and Britney were across from me, Randee was on the other side of Jackson, and Papa Rathbone sat at the head of the table. When we were finally situated, Jackson introduced me. Patch gave me a warm smile as she lightly shook my hand, raising her eyebrows at Jackson when she was done.

We all quickly ordered our drinks and then looked over the menus. Once the waiter had our food orders and our drinks had been delivered, I started to relax a little. Jackson's hand found my thigh and squeezed a little, his sign of letting me know that everything was okay, and I cleared my throat a little to keep from smiling so big. To settle myself, I took his hand in mind, and he threaded our fingers together.

We were halfway through our meals before the Spanish Inquisition began.

"So, Iris," Jack began. "Randee tells me you went to school in New York."

"Yes, sir."

"What did you major in?"

"I have a double Bachelors in Criminal Justice and Latin American Studies."

"That's… impressive. What do you ultimately plan to do with that?"

"Law school. My goal is to end up prosecuting sex crimes while doing some pro bono work in immigration."

Jack lightly nodded his head as Jackson leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Jackson wanted to be a lawyer," Randee said as she was lifting her glass to take a drink.

"You did?" I asked him, smirking.

"He used to yell 'I object!' every time he got in trouble," Kelly laughed.

"Tell me you didn't," I laughed, elbowing him in the side.

"No, he didn't," Kelly said, still laughing. "But that would've been really cute if he had."

We all laughed, and I laughed even harder when I had a mental image of a teenage Jackson fighting with parents and getting all lawyery on them to try and get out whatever trouble he had caused.

Conversation flowed pretty easily as Jackson's parents shot question after question at me. I was in the middle of talking about what NMMI was like for me when I felt Jackson's hand slowly move up my thigh. I looked up at him to give him a questioning glance, but he kept his eyes on his plate. Before I knew it, his hand slipped between my thighs, making me jump when his fingers started pressing into me.

"You okay?" Kelly asked.

"F-fine. It's just a little warm in here," I tried to smile.

Jackson coughed, hiding what I knew was a laugh, and started to rub his fingers directly over my clit. Thanking the sweet Lord that the table had a long tablecloth, I reached down and tried to slap his hand away as discreetly as possible. He managed to wrangle my fingers in his and then moved them to the button on my pants.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the restroom," I said, about to stand up.

"If you wait a couple of minutes, I'll walk you," Jackson replied, giving me his most innocent smile.

I narrowed my eyes at him and then went back to trying to eat my eggplant parm. My focus, however, was on his fingers that had managed to undo the button and zipper on my pants and had snaked their way underneath my unmentionables. Slowly, his fingers moved down until they reached my slit and it took everything in me to keep from moaning out loud.

"Iris, honey? You look a little flushed. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I think I just need to splash some water on my face. Excuse me."

I pulled Jackson's hand out from my pants and quickly zipped and buttoned them before standing up from the table.

"Jackson, go with her and make sure she's fine," Randee sweetly advised.

"Sure, Mama."

I was away from the table and heading to the front doors of the restaurant when Jackson caught up with me. He tried putting his hand around my waist, but I shimmied away from him, grumbling to myself as he laughed. Suddenly, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side, leading me away from the door. He ignored my whispered questions as to where he was taking me as he led me down a small hallway. He stopped in front of the women's restroom, peeked his head in, and then smirked as he pulled me into the room after him and locked the door.

"What the fuck were you doing?" I whisper-yelled at him.

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about," he laughed, pushing me up against the door. "But did I tell you how fucking hot you look tonight?"

"And you thought you'd make your point by trying to finger me at the table with your family and manager around?"

"Seemed appropriate," he replied, leaning down and kissing my neck as one hand cupped my hooha and the other moved its way up under my shirt and bra.

"Hey! I'm not fucking you in a restaurant bathroom," I said, slapping his hands away. "Jeez. No wonder you got into so much trouble as a kid."

"I object!" he joked.

"Iris?" I heard from the other side of the door followed by a knock. "It's Kelly. You okay?"

I straightened myself out and turned around to unlock the door, jumping when Jackson slapped my ass. I opened the door and watched Kelly's face go from concerned to suspicious as her eyes darted back and forth between Jackson and I.

"Your brother has wandering hands," I said before walking away from them.

I heard them both break out into laughter, and I did my best to hold in my own. As much as I wanted a pants-off session with Jackson, there was no way it was going to happen in the bathroom of a restaurant when his family and manager were having dinner in another room.

Jackson and Kelly caught up with me and walked me back to the table. Jackson pulled out my chair, looking like quite the gentleman even though I knew better, and gave Kelly a pleading look when she started laughing.

"Feeling better?" Papa Rathbone asked.

"Much. Thank you."

We all went back to finishing our meals, and I managed to pay attention to the conversations going on around me. I felt Jackson's hand on my leg again, and my head shot up to face him, ready to give him another evil glare if he even remotely tried getting in my pants again. Instead, he leaned his head down and kissed me right in front of everyone. I felt my face get super duper hot, and I knew I was looking like a tomato when I pulled away. I tried to gauge everyone's reaction to Jackson's PDA and couldn't help but smile when I realized that everyone but Britney was smiling. She was sticking her finger down her throat and pretending to gag.

"It was very nice to meet you," Patch said, shaking my hand as we waited for the car to arrive.

"Same here."

"Would it be okay to meet with you on Sunday to go over the specifics of the premiere? Jackson made it clear that you didn't want to walk the carpet, and I wanted to go over the timeline and itinerary for the day."

"Sounds great," I smiled. "And thank you for whatever you had to do to make that possible. I appreciate it."

She and I exchanged numbers and then decided on a time to meet at Jackson's hotel.

Randee told me to take it easy and get some sleep when we made it back to the hotel and I smiled and promised that I would, giving Kelly a dirty look when she started to laugh into Brit's shoulder. Papa Rathbone gave me a big smile and a hug before he took his family to their rooms down the hall.

The moment I made it into the room, I smacked Jackson with my purse, causing him to rub the area and laugh.

"What'd you hit him for?" Graupner asked, sitting up from his lying positing on the bed.

"Fucker literally tried getting into my pants at the dinner table with everyone around."

"Yeah, man!" Graupner smiled, standing up and fist-bumping Jackson.

I rolled my eyes and walked into the bathroom to wash my hands. When I came back out, Graupner was gone and Jackson was lounging on one of the beds.

"Where'd your partner in crime go?"

"I told him to get lost," he chuckled.

"Oh, yeah?'

"Yeah. Now get over here and get naked."

I bit my lip and did as I was told. Jackson more than well made up for his actions at dinner, but I felt bad having to lie to Randee the next day when I told her that I had a good night's sleep.

Jackson was seriously busy all the way up until the day of the show, which just happened to be the day before the premiere. I missed the fucker, but it gave me time to spend with his family. Not surprisingly, I got along really well with Brit. We were complete goofballs and got a couple of "Behave yourselves" looks from both Randee and Papa Rathbone, though they each were laced with a teensy smile. Papa Rathbone and I talked a lot about school and my future in law while Randee was interested in all of the music stuff Jackson had told her I was into. Kelly mainly relayed stories about Jackson growing up and all the trouble he was constantly in. During one of the conversations, I had asked how Ryann was doing with her pregnancy, and they relayed stories about how well everything with her was going. They apologized for her not being able to make it, but I knew that there was no way that someone that preggers should even be near a plane.

Patch came over the day of the Monkeys show and went over the logistics of the premiere with me. I was going to be riding in the limo with Ashley but would stay put after she got out to walk the carpet. The limo was going drop me off close to the front doors where the press wasn't allowed. My pass for the event would state that I was a contest winner of some sort, just in case people started wondering why I was hanging around the cast, but gave me freedom to go wherever I wanted. I would be able to sit with Jackson during the actual movie, but I would have to hurry and sneak back into Ashley's limo as soon as it was over so it could take me to the afterparty, swing back to pick up Ashley, and have her at the same afterparty on time. I jokingly mentioned that maybe my going to the premiere wasn't worth it if all of that had to be planned just to keep me out of the public eye like I wished. Patch laughed and said Jackson would have a heart attack if I didn't go. Plus, apparently Ashley had made it very clear to her manager that anything that she could help with to keep me safe and invisible should and would be done. Patch laughed again when my eyes got wide and mouth dropped at Ashley's words. I made a mental note to hug her within an inch of her life when I saw her next.

But first, I had to deal with the Monkeys concert that night.

"You're not really going to stand in line, are you?"

Kristina was giving me this look of horror. You woulda thought I had grown two heads by the way she was looking at me.

"I can't be seen arriving with the band, and people know who you are. It's better this way."

"There's no use in arguing," Jackson said as he grabbed more band equipment.

He walked over to me and gave me a sweet kiss on the temple.

"If she doesn't wanna be seen with me, she doesn't wanna be seen with me."

"Ha! So not even close to reality, buster," I laughed, poking him in the chest.

He laughed a little, saying he would see me at the venue, and then walked out of the room and downstairs to where the rest of the guys were waiting for him.

I called Suzy real quick before I left the hotel and caught a cab to The Viper Room. I had the driver drop me off a block away and walked the rest of the way there. I waited in line with everyone else, making note of how divided the group of girls was. One half spoke of nothing but fucking Jackson or Graupner, making me laugh, and the other half kept throwing dirty looks to the first half. Apparently, these were the hardcore fans that Kristina and Molly had warned me about. Most, they said, were very adamant that the band remain about the music and its members, not just the Twilight craze that surrounded Jackson. I had to agree with that, but I wasn't about to start a catfight with anybody. I was happy with whatever got people in to see them as long as they stayed for the music.

As I made my way inside, I kept my eye out on the rabid wannabe Jackson fuckers. They hurried their way to the front of the stage, claiming their spots, and I slightly worried that one might jump the stage and try to molest him or one of the other boys. I decided to hang towards the back where I had a great view of the stage and of the audience.

Once the guys took the stage, the place went crazy. There were girls screaming and shrieking, and I was afraid that my ears would start bleeding at any moment. I shuddered a bit and somehow managed to find Kristina on the other side of the room. She was standing away from everyone else but next to Marty who was in his banana suit. She locked eyes with me and then rolled hers as the three of us started to laugh. Marty quickly ran up to the stage, did his intro, and then left as the boys got themselves situated with their instruments. Once the music started, all eyes were on the stage.

As always, the boys gave their all and knocked the panties off the ladies in the crowd. I kept to myself the entire show, noting how different that crowd was from the ones in Vancouver, and concentrated on the boys. They never failed to wow me. I did get to dance with Marty a couple of times during the show, and I crossed it off my bucket list.

Once the show was over, half the crowd ran outside, probably trying to catch the guys as they put away their instruments, while the other half hung around and got pictures and autographs. I planted my ass at the bar while all of that was going on and felt so proud of them for having so much fun on stage and still taking the time to meet and chat with as many peeps as they could.

An hour later, the place was mostly cleared out, though several fans still lingered, and the boys had planted themselves at the other end of the bar. I was about to text Jackson that I was gonna head back to the hotel when the bartender bought me a rum and Coke. I shook my head and then glanced over to Jackson who quickly looked at me and smiled before going back to his conversation. I downed my drink as fast as I could, texted Jackson, and then made my way outside. As I was heading back in the cab, my phone went off.

_I'll be out of here soon. – J Action_

_Take your time. I'm gonna pass out the moment I get back. – Iris_

_If by pass out, you mean let me have my way with you, then that's definitely the plan. – J Action_

_Horny bastard. I'm lucky you love me. – Iris_

I giggled a little as I put my phone in my purse and watched the lights of the street fly by. Looking at the palm trees reminded me of my first day in LA, and I couldn't believe I only had a few days left with Jackson. As I paid the driver once we got to the hotel, it really hit me that my time with him was coming to a close.

And I didn't know how I was going to deal with that.

* * *

_**Loco – Crazy boy**_

**Reviews are like Jackson's inappropriateness at the dinner table: They make me feel really good and also blush. ;)**


	26. Joy Ride, Part Two

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**No translations.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / hLC8JG  
**

* * *

"Is this what getting ready for prom feels like?" I asked, earning a glare from Dina since she was trying to work on my lips.

I smiled and apologized for moving when I had been told not to.

"You never went to prom?" Ashley asked, walking into the room in her long red dress.

"No friends means no date," I shrugged.

She smiled a sad smile at me, and then I rolled my eyes.

"Let's not have a coming of age moment, Ash. I'm pretty sure it sucked, anyway. Most people got busted just for holding hands. The school had a no PDA policy and all that. Not really my idea of a good time."

"I'll work on your lips later," Dina said, half-laughing and half-glaring.

"Sorry. I'm a talker. Don't kill me," I said, giving her an apologetic smile.

I sat back as she put some final touches on the rest of my face, and I couldn't do anything but sigh in exhaustion. The premiere hadn't even started, and I was already tired. I had been in Ashley's hotel room for almost four hours. I honestly had _no_ idea that four hours was cutting it close in terms of getting ready for premieres.

Jackson and I had slept in that morning, exhausted and hungover from the show the night before, when my phone started freaking out. I was way too comfortable to answer it, but Jackson got tired of hearing it ring. He grumbled a hello when he answered the phone.

"It's Ashley," he mumbled into my shoulder.

"Tell her to go away," I yawned.

"Iris says to go away. What do you mean what is she doing? She's doing the Macarena," he said, rolling his eyes and making me giggle into his chest. "We _were_ sleeping."

"Shut up, douchebag," Graupner said, talking into his pillow.

When Jackson didn't get off my phone, I crawled into bed with Graupner. We spooned for a little while, but I promptly crawled back over to Jackson when Graupner farted and refused to air out the blankets.

"I'll tell her. I promise. See you later tonight. Bye."

He placed my phone back on the nightstand and then pulled me toward him, mumbling something about making sure I made it to Ashley's hotel with enough time to get ready for the premiere. I nodded to let him know I had heard him and gave him a quick kiss on his chest. One kiss turned into a few others which turned into Jackson finally waking up. His waking up included grabbing my ass and then a boob. That led to me palming his dick over his underwear.

"I'm still in the room."

I groaned and dramatically flopped onto my back, looking over at Graupner. He was trying to not to show it, but the fucker was smiling into his pillow.

We couldn't go back to sleep after that, so we called the rest of the Monkeys and Jackson's family to make plans for lunch. After fighting the boys for the bathroom, I took a lukewarm shower and met Brit out in the hallway while we waited for everyone else.

Everyone but Jerad and Kristina went out to Swingers. The atmosphere was completely relaxed, and Uncle Larry kept picking on us for having hangovers. Benny was really quiet, not unusual for him, and I casually mentioned it as I bit into a fry.

"I think you intimidate people."

"You think so?"

"You're very quiet and calm. Plus, the Beard of Doom might have something to do with it."

"Beard of Doom?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah. I like to think Chuck Norris lives in your stache, ready to dole out punishment to those who upset you."

"Oh, wow."

"But you can work that to your advantage."

"How?"

"Staring contests. I'm sure you've never lost one," I laughed.

Just to prove my point, I challenged him to one. Brit and Graupner did their best to make one of us fuck up, and, even though I could've stared at Benny for hours - the man is beautiful after all - I lost thanks to Jackson shoving fries down the back of my shirt.

"We should probably go before we're thrown out," I heard Papa Rathbone tell Randee.

We cleared out and made our way back to the hotel. The moment I flopped down face first onto one of the hotel beds, Mariah's voice started singing from my phone.

"Please tell me you're on your way over."

"Huh?"

"The hair and make-up people just got here," Ashley said.

"Why so early? We're not set to leave from your place for another four and a half hours."

"It's going to take us that long to get ready."

"Tell me you're joking," I half-whined. "Can't they just, you know, throw my hair into a bun or something?"

"Very funny. Get your ass over here immediately, please. I'll tell them to start with me while we wait on you. See you in a bit."

I groaned as I hung up the phone and went for my purse.

"What?" Jackson asked.

"I apparently have to get over to Ashley's now."

"This early?"

"That's what I said!"

"Lemme get my keys from Ben, and I'll drive you."

"I'll just take a cab."

"You sure?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. No need for the both of us to suffer," I laughed.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, snaking a twenty dollar bill out. Before I could tell him to fuck off, he shoved the bill down the front of my shirt, into my bra, and then kissed me.

"Don't argue."

"I hate you," I grumbled.

"I know, I know," he chuckled.

I gave him another quick kiss and then headed outside to score a cab. I texted Ashley from the cab to let her know I was on my way and to remind her that I didn't want to be fussed over. I started to worry when I didn't get a response back.

As soon as I showed up at her door, I knew I was in trouble. The room was chaotic with the amount of people and activity inside. I was introduced to the premiere staff, and the guy doing my hair immediately - but gently - pushed me into the bathroom. He kept glancing at me and then at all the hair products that were lying out on the sink.

"I'd like to cut your hair."

"I'm sorry?"

"You hair," he repeated. "Nobody has it this long anymore. I think we should cut it."

"Can we not? I like my hair length. I hope that's okay. Feel free to do anything else with it, though."

He shook his head at me but smiled.

"Ashley said you wouldn't let me cut it."

"Greene is good," I laughed.

We pulled my dress out of its garment bag so he could decide what would be the best way to style my hair. I told him I trusted him to make all the decision since he was the one with all the hair knowledge. We quickly moved back into the bathroom where he washed my hair and started mixing some creams together. He said that he was going to add some red highlights to my hair to add dimension and color and blah blah blah. As long as I didn't come out looking like Carrot Top, I honestly didn't care.

He convinced me to at least get it trimmed, saying that adding some more layers and cutting off the ends would be healthy for my hair. Since I wouldn't let him do the hack job he really wanted, I gave in.

An hour later, I walked out of the bathroom with aluminum foil in my hair. He had me take a seat so he could work on Ashley's hair. The moment I sat down, a woman came over, introduced herself as Michelle, and informed me that she would be giving me a mani and a pedi.

"Ash? A mani and a pedi? Is this really necessary?" I asked.

"You don't have to get them if you don't want to."

"I just don't like being doted on," I mumbled.

"We can keep the French on your toes and give you a clear polish on your hands. Natural," Michelle smiled.

"I'm sorry for being a baby. And thank you for not stabbing me with your nail file."

She laughed a little and then started working on my hands while someone else walked over and got started on my feet.

Ashley was on the other side of the room with rollers in her hair and talking to Anthony, the hair dude. I watched as someone handed him a suitcase and then laughed when he pulled strips of hair out of it.

"I thought you said long hair wasn't in style."

"Don't give me attitude, young lady," he said, not even looking at me.

As my fingers and toes were made to look pretty, Ashley had her hair extensions added. Though he was quick, Anthony had her hair looking naturally flawless by the time the manicurists were done with me. As soon as he walked away from Ashley to take me back into the bathroom, a skinny minnie of a thing with some punk rock hair walked Ashley over to a table that was covered in make-up products.

Anthony rinsed out my hair, took about fifteen minutes layering it, and then started working product into it. He had decided that keeping my hair down would be best so that I wouldn't be fussy. He also wanted to keep the curls, saying it would take him too long to straighten it. He took his time adding this and that to my hair, taking careful attention to make the curls really curl and stand out. When he was finally done, he ran out of the bathroom and then came back in with what looked like a clasp that had three thin, separate silver dangly things on it. He pulled my hair back loosely from the sides of my head and then secured both pieces with the clasp so it sat right at the area where my neck and back meet. He sprayed some shit all over it, fiddled with some curls that wouldn't behave, sprayed some more shit, and then pronounced me done.

He asked me if I wanted a hand mirror so I could look everything over, but I opted to wait until I was completely done, taking in the shock of my entire appearance all at once instead of in bits and pieces.

As we walked out of the bathroom, I noticed that Ashley already had her dress on and her make-up was finished. She wowed over my hair for a bit and then told me I should get my dress on first before Dina, the make-up rocker chick, got a hold of my face.

I grabbed the garment bag that held my dress and the underwear Nikki said I would need to go with the dress, scampered into the bathroom, took my time to put everything on so that nothing would rip or break, and then stepped back into the room.

Dina took in my hair and dress as she decided what would be the best "color pallet" to go with. I told her that I didn't want anything dramatic, that I was a natural kinda girl, and I heard Ashley laugh on the other side of the room.

"She wanted to give you cat eyes," Ashley explained.

"Please don't," I begged, causing them both to laugh.

Dina said that she would agree to a natural blush and a pinkish lip gloss but that she wanted something that would make my eyes pop. I begged her to not make me look like Amy Winehouse, and she promised me she wouldn't.

As she was putting foundation on my face, my phone banjoed from inside my purse. Ashley's manager, bless her heart, grabbed it and brought it over to me.

_We're leaving in 30. How are things over there? – J Action_

_Dressed. My hair's been tortured, and I'm now getting my make-up done. Can I take a nap now? – Iris_

_I'm sure that will go over well. Can't wait to see you. – J Action_

_Hurry up and save me! - Iris_

I set my phone down on the table next to me, not hiding my goofy grin at all. Dina laughed a little at me but kept doing her thing to my face.

Not soon enough, Ashley's manager told us that the limo and Jackson's crew were on their way over so we had to hurry. I grabbed my heels and threw them on as quickly as I could. Wanting to get the full effect, I grabbed the clutch that Nikki insisted I had to also get and walked into the bathroom to take a minute to look at the final product.

And holy fuck did I need one. I stared at myself in the full-length mirror and nearly wigged out. I did but didn't look like myself. Iris 2.0 was staring back at me. My hair looked amazing, the highlights visible but not completely overwhelming.

And then there was the dress.

When Nikki and I had gone shopping, despite the decoration on it, I instantly loved it, which led me to believe that it was too plain for a premiere. Nikki told me that she wasn't going to wear something dramatic, either, and that she thought it would be best if I stuck to something I felt comfortable in. Despite it being way fancy, much more than I was used to, I felt great in it. My boobs were a bit much for the dress, no doubt made for someone without curves, but I was working it as best as I could. It was hugging me well, but it didn't make me feel suffocated. It stopped well above my knee, something I initially worried about, but both Nikki and the person at the store said that a longer gown would make me look shorter than I really was. The contrast between the beige and the black of the design, I thought, went well with my skin tone and made me look like a grown up.

_I actually look like a girl._

As promised, my blush and lip color were natural, but Dina had done this thing where the color of my eye shadow went from black, cuz of the eyeliner, to a peach, the fade making my eyes look big. My eyelashes were long and jet black, rounding out the look.

I didn't know what else to do with myself. I was in shock at what I looked like, but I didn't want to bother Ashley with my insecurities. So, I did the next best thing. I lowered the seat on the toilet, sat my ass down, and started putting lotion on my legs.

Just as I was finishing up, Ashley knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Only it wasn't Ashley.

"Jesus Christ…"

I looked up into Jackson's surprised eyes. I immediately stood up, a little pissed that my grand reveal ended up being in the bathroom, and just stood there. I watched as his eyes looked me up and down several times, him all the while completely quiet. The fact that he was so quiet was making me panic. I needed to know whether he liked how I looked, whether it would be okay enough for the premiere.

"Baby Girl, I… You look… Fuck. There isn't even a word for what you look like."

He kept looking me over as he walked toward me. When he reached me, he put his arms around me, his hands conveniently taking a sweep of my ass before they finally rested on my waist.

"Jesus Christ, you look absolutely gorgeous," he breathed, looking me in the eyes.

It took a couple of seconds for the words to register, and then I was tearing up because I was a giant sap like that.

"Don't. They'll kill me if you ruin your make-up," he laughed. "Though you're beautiful without it."

"Not helping me with the not crying here," I laughed.

"Did you dye your hair?"

"Well, I know how you have a thing for redheads," I smirked. "Just some highlights. And layers! I got layers. It's better than the dramatic cut job he wanted to do."

Jackson looked over my face quietly for a few seconds.

"God, I wanna kiss you so bad."

"Just fucking do it. I'll deal with the make-up girl."

He brought his hands up, cupping my face but doing his best to not ruin anything, and brought his mouth to mine. It was the sweetest of kisses. At first. But then our hands started roaming, tongues came out, and I may or may not have ended up with my back against the bathroom wall. I guess we were making enough noise to draw attention, because Ashley was knocking on the door and walking in a few seconds later.

"Did you forget that there are people out here waiting on you?" she laughed and then abruptly stopped when she saw my face. "She's gonna kill you when she sees what you did to your lipstick."

"Technically, he did it," I replied, pointing at Jackson.

Rolling her eyes, Ashley replied, "Get your butts out here. You'll need a touch up before we leave."

She walked out and closed the door behind her, leaving Jackson and I laughing.

"I didn't really get a chance to say this earlier, but you look fucking delicious," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and playfully licking his lips.

"You think?" he smirked.

Jackson was wearing a two-toned black suit and black boots. His hair was down, reaching his chin, and he looked casually disheveled but formally fuckable.

"If it wasn't for those people outside, I'd hike my dress up and bend over the sink," I whispered into his ear.

"Fuck. Now I'm gonna be hard for the rest of the night with that image in my head."

"At least you'll be all smiles during your interviews," I laughed.

I gave him another kiss, adjusted Little Jackson so he wasn't so prominent, and then straightened myself out before he and I walked out of the bathroom. The moment I stepped back into the world of the non-bathroom sex, I realized that his family had been waiting on us, and I felt like a whore for letting my hooha do all the talking and making me forget that they had come with him. Before I even had the decency to look remorseful, Dina came rushing at me and fixed my lip color, adding fuel to the fire about what Jackson and I had been up to. Once she was done, Randee walked right up to me and hugged me.

"You look beautiful."

I hugged her back, thankful she wasn't calling me a hooker, and then hugged and thanked the rest of the family. Ashley's manager came rushing in and let us know that the limo had arrived, and we needed to get going.

"Have fun out there. And try not to drive the girls crazy too much," I laughed as I adjusted his tie.

He smirked at me and then put his arm around my waist. He didn't say anything, and after a couple of minutes, I couldn't take the look he was giving me.

"What?" I smiled.

"I love you. Oh! And I love you."

Even though I had heard him say it many times before, it hit me harder than ever then. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me. Or the fact that he was off to a premiere, and all I heard from him was how beautiful I was or that he loved me. Maybe it was just the fact that we knew that our time together was coming to a close.

It was when I heard Papa Rathbone clear his throat that I remembered that we weren't alone, and they had all witnessed my little moment with Jackson.

"Alright. Let's go watch Jackson's wig do some acting," I said, embarrassed and hoping to get the focus off of us.

Just as I was walking out, Dina ran over and handed me a tube of lipgloss and a press powder, saying that she knew I would need them later.

Jackson, his family, and Patch climbed into their limo first and then Ashley, her manager, someone else I didn't know, and I climbed into ours. I had never been in a limo before, so I got to listen to Ashley laugh at me as I took in everything the limo had during the entire ride. I felt like Tom Hanks in _Big_.

Just as we started to hear the screams, Ashley's manager quickly went over the plan to keep me invisible. I nodded, having memorized it from when Patch and I talked, and just listened to the utter shrieks that were filtering into the limo.

And we were still a couple of blocks away.

The noise only got more deafening the closer we got, and I was sure my ears were bleeding by the time we actually pulled up to the carpet. I thought I was going to pee myself at the chaos I saw. There were so many fucking people, it was unbelievable. I squeezed Ashley's hand as she made her way to the door, told her she looked beautiful, and wished her luck. As soon as the door opened, I scooted myself as far away as possible, hoping nobody would notice that someone else was in the limo. Ashley put her game face on and went out waving and smiling like a champion. The driver had to wait a few minutes after the door to the limo closed before he could pull away, but we eventually started moving. He drove no more than five minutes before he stopped and let me know that the entry to the theater was on my right. I quickly got out and cringed at the sheer volume of mayhem that was going on down the street.

As I walked to the front doors, I clutched my clutch and totally did what I said I wouldn't do. My game plan going in was to keep my head down and wait inside the lobby for Jackson where the paps weren't allowed. Instead, I was wide-eyed and absolutely gawking at the amount of people, the actual red carpet, the press, and the complete spectacle that was going on.

I laughed a little as I made it to the front doors and flashed my pass. I walked in and took in the beautiful lay out, sighing in relief when I spotted a bathroom. I walked in, did what I had to, checked my face, and then walked out. I knew I had a good amount of time to wait before I would recognize anybody from the cast so I checked my phone, remembering that I hadn't even glanced at it since I was getting ready.

_Ashley tells me you look amazing! – Nikki_

_I wanna see that dress, biotch. – Kristen_

_We'll find you in a bit. Warning: Ben's looking for you. He's hungry. – Jerad_

_In case you forget, you look gorgeous. – J Action_

_Did you bring food with you? – Graupner_

Just as I was about to reply back to them all, I got an incoming text from Patch letting me know that they still had a little under an hour to go on the carpet but that Jerad and Graupner would be in to find me in half an hour and to plant myself at the bar until then.

So I did.

Over the next half hour, more and more people from the carpet made their way in, and all I could do was sip my drink. I finally spotted the boys and quickly set my drink down to head over to them.

"Oh, I'm so happy to see you guys," I said.

"Oh, wow. Jackson wasn't lying," Graupner said as he looked me over

"What?"

"You're smoking hot!"

"As opposed to any other day?" I joked.

We teased each other and exchanged insults until Jackson's family caught up with us. We talked for a bit, and then they went in to the theater to find their seats. I had told Patch and Jackson that I would wait in the lobby for them so I stayed put. As the red carpet started winding down, I was able to say hi to peeps that I hadn't seen since I left Vancouver. Alex and Dakota stopped to talk to me for a few minutes until they were ushered in. I didn't have to wait long for Nikki.

"You look unbelievable," she said as she hugged me.

"As if, Alicia," I laughed. "_You_ look absolutely stunning."

"Kris is gonna flip when she sees you."

"Nah. I'm sure she's more concerned over not being eaten alive by the fans than she is about my dress."

As if to prove my point, the crowd outside got ridiculously loud, and I joked with Nikki that Rob had either blinked or scratched an itch to get that kind of reaction. She gave me another hug and then moved in to the theater, leaving me to deal with Kellan who was charging at me.

"I would give you a hug, but I'm afraid I'd tear or smudge something."

"Can I have a hug anyway, loser? I sorta missed you, you know."

He gave me this gigantic hug, lifting me a little off the ground, and then whispered in my ear that I looked beautiful. I snorted and then smacked him on the arm until he put me down. He gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and then walked in, smiling like a fiend.

Ashley literally ran in, said hi, and then ran away, and I couldn't help but laugh when I realized she was heading into the same bathroom I had gone into earlier.

"What's so funny?"

"Ashley went running into the bathroom like a bat out of hell," I laughed as Jackson and Patch walked towards me.

Even though Kristen, Rob, and Taylor were still talking to the press, we made our way inside and sat down, Jackson immediately taking my hand in his. The Monkeys were seated a few rows behind us with Jackson's family, but the rest of the cast was seated all around us. Nikki came over and took Patch's seat while she went to the bathroom. We talked for a while, and then we saw a gaggle of security come through the door with the Holy Trinity behind them. Poor Rob looked completely flustered. Kristen, who totally took my breath away with how beautiful she looked, saw me and let out a huge, exasperated sigh before she smiled. Taylor was all white teeth and completely happy in his element.

You would've thought that God Himself had walked into the theater the way that people were staring and smiling when Stephenie Meyer walked in. She walked in, said hi to a few people, and then went and sat down with some of the film's producers and Chris Weitz, as if a film premiere for a book she had written was an everyday thing. She didn't look flustered one bit, the complete opposite of Rob.

As the introduction from Chris was being made, I reached into my purse and shut off my phone.

"Is that Kleenex in your purse?" Jackson whispered.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Are you planning on crying?"

I looked over at him and gave him the face, the one where he knows he's asked a silly question, making him laugh.

"That's like asking me if I love you or not," I laughed back.

He squeezed my hand, and then we sat back as the lights dimmed. Sure enough, I had to pull the Kleenex out when Edward left Bella. I was trying my best to not completely ruin my eye make-up, but the scene with Bella sitting in front of the window as the months passed by and when she woke up screaming completely killed me. Jackson leaned in and kissed my neck, asking me if I was okay. I sniffled as I nodded, and he quietly chuckled.

"I was jipped," I mumbled as the credits started to roll.

"Why?"

"You were only in the movie for like five seconds. You _did _have the best line in the movie, though. 'It'd be really nice to not wanna kill you all the time,'" I mimicked, making him and Patch laugh.

"You better hurry. The limo's waiting outside for you," Patch reminded me.

"I'll see you in a bit," I whispered as I ran out of the aisle and to the front doors.

I spotted my driver from before, and he opened my door for me before he jogged to the other side and climbed in.

"Feel free to pretend you're Jeff Gordon," I joked through the limo's partition.

"Yes, ma'am," he laughed.

I scowled at the ma'am part.

He didn't have to drive very far to get me to wherever the afterparty was being held. He helped me out of the limo, and I thanked him for being so cool with all of the undercover work. Patch was my saving grace as she had made it so I could enter through the side where there were no fans or paps around. The person at the door had already been informed that I was on my way and was quickly allowed to enter. There were only a few people there and I found myself alone again, waiting for everyone else to arrive.

Which gave me a plan.

I approached the guard at the front door, whispered to him what I was hoping to do. He looked really hesitant to get involved, but I told him that it would be all in good fun and he would definitely not get into any trouble. Lucky for me, Peter arrived a little while later. When I told him what I was doing, he told the guard to roll with it.

And my plan worked perfectly.

The three of us kind of hovered near the front doors as we waited for Kellan to arrive. We watched as the guard we had been talking to kept telling Kellan he had no idea who he was. He insisted that that his name wasn't on the list and that he was sorry but couldn't help him out.

I thought I was going to pee myself.

My little prank got a few more people involved, and it made it even more hilarious for me. When the crowd started chanting, "Let him in," I decided that he had suffered enough. One of the other guards who knew what we were up to went out to the front and let them all know that it was okay for Kellan to go in. Rather than march right in, he did the very Kellan thing of signing some autographs and then made his way inside. The moment he walked in and spotted me laughing at him, he knew he was done for.

"Did the wittle baby not get into the pawty like he wanted?" I pouted.

"Fine, woman. You win. You're the prank queen," he smiled.

"You bet your sweet ass I am. Now, let's go get a drink."

Since I knew that I couldn't be seen with Jackson, I let him go schmooze with everyone he needed to schmooze with. By this point, everyone - and I do mean everyone - was at the afterparty. And that fucking party was loud as shit. I spent some separate time with Ashley, Kellan, and Nikki, thankful that they were willing to take time away from the party to keep me company. Nikki wanted to introduce me to Christ Weitz and Stephenie Meyer, but I ran the other way. After an hour, I knew that Nikki had people she needed to go talk to, so I told her she didn't have to babysit me anymore and I shoved her toward the crowd.

I walked around for a while and just took in the setting and the ridiculousness that was my surrounding. I was by myself for an hour or so when I finally spotted Rob.

"How you holding up, stud?" I laughed. "You looked flustered when you came in from the carpet."

"They were rabid."

"You only have your parents to blame. They shouldn't have made you so pretty."

"I'm gonna hire you to be my personal ego booster," he laughed.

"I don't come cheap," I warned. "How did Kristen do?"

"Perfectly, I'm sure. She doesn't let things like this get to her anymore."

Just then, I saw Rob's manager walking toward us and I knew that my time with him was up.

"I leave the day after tomorrow, so gimme a hug since I don't know when I'll see you in person next," I sadly smiled.

"One hug coming up."

And I hugged the shit out of Rob because I knew I would miss his accent, his need to hump legs, and his friendship.

"If he gives you any trouble, you let me know," he said as he pulled back. "Mind you, it's not like I can scare anyone so it'll probably be Kristen throwing the punches."

I gave him another hug, laughing so that I wouldn't cry, and finally let him go when he asked if I was going to make a pass at him.

I grabbed another drink and _finally_ spotted Kristen. I rushed over, hoping I would get a chance to talk to her and thank her. She was actually with her parents and brother when I approached, but that didn't stop her from interrupting the conversation.

"Fuck, girl. You look _good_. I'm sure Jackson enjoyed the view," she winked.

I rolled my eyes and then put on my polite face as she introduced me to her family. She excused herself to get another drink and then dragged me along with her.

"Before you say anything else, I just wanted to thank you for the dress."

"Don't even worry about it," she brushed off. "It was worth it. You look amazing."

"_You_ looked amazing. I loved the Cinderella thing you had going."

Kristen may have arrived to the premiere in a dress, but she showed up to the afterparty in jeans, a white t-shirt, and a hoodie.

"I had to get the fuck outta those shoes, dude. They were kicking my ass."

I laughed, and in true Kristen fashion, we then each downed a shot before she walked back into the crowd and braved the crazy.

I walked around for a bit and tried to find Jackson or one of the Monkeys, but there were so many people I couldn't. I decided to sneak out back and have a cig. Lo and behold, there they were, laughing like hyenas. Actually, the boys were making fun of Jackson's hair in the movie.

"Leave. The hair. Alone," I said as I walked up to them.

"They're right, Baby Girl. The hair was horrible."

I shook my head as I handed Jackson my clutch so I could light my cigarette. As I took it back, I noticed that they were all staring at me.

"What?"

"You can put her in a fancy dress, but she'll still look like she can kick your ass," Jerad laughed.

"That's right, fucker," I replied, making ninja moves with my hands and earning me laughter.

I had a total of three cigs before I replied my lipgloss and then made my way in, leaving the boys behind. I spent another hour at the party, mostly with Jackson's family and saying goodbye to everyone, before I decided to call it a night. Both Kelly and Randee offered to go back to the hotel with me, but I didn't want to cut their night short so I told them that I'd just take a cab back. I messaged Patch to let her know that I was leaving, and she called me a couple of minutes later to let me know that she had gotten the same limo to take me back to the hotel so that I wouldn't have to take a cab. I kept her on the phone until I actually found her in the sea of bodies. I wanted to thank her personally for being so good to me.

"No thanks needed. It's my job," she replied.

"I don't think catering to his girlfriend is in your job description, Patch," I laughed. "But I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate everything you've done for me to let me be here. I had fun."

"You're welcome."

"Will you let Jackson know that I went back to the hotel?"

"You don't want to tell him yourself?"

"Nah. I don't wanna bother him. I know he has to be here, and I don't wanna pull him away from any obligations. I'll text him when I get there, though."

I gave her a hug and thanked her again. I turned around and started toward the front of the building, but Patch pointed to the side entrance where she had the limo driver park so I wouldn't get bombarded by the paps out front. I smiled and told her I owed her a thousand dinners before I finally walked away. I ran into Taylor and Alex on my way out, a little sad that I didn't get to spend any time with them, and gave them each hugs. I explained that I was leaving on Wednesday, and they each pulled me in for another, longer hug. I left before I could start crying.

Almost two hours later, Jackson and Graupner came back to the room. Both of them were drunk and had In N Out take-out bags in their hands. I rolled my eyes at them but then quickly changed my tune when Jackson pulled out a veggie burger and fries for me.

As I settled into bed and giggled at how quickly Graupner had passed out, I pulled Jackson closer to me.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. Your family was completely sweet to me. Patch did so fucking much to help me out, I owe her my first born or something. And for you."

"You getting mushy on me?" he quietly laughed.

"I wanna get _something _on you to show my appreciation, but the love of my life is drooling in the other bed and it'd just be weird."

As if on cue, Graupner let out a huge snore, and Jackson and I started laughing.

"How could I possibly compete with that?" he asked, gesturing his arm out towards the other bed.

"You can't," I joked. "Now, feel me up a little before we go to bed."

And he did just that. It was one of the few times in my life I wished Graupner wasn't around.

Jackson had the following day off so we spent it with his family driving around LA and doing some more sightseeing. Both Marty and Patch had shown up to the hotel around dinnertime to hand me a copy of Jackson's schedule. Marty's was pretty thin since they were still adding tour dates as the time went on, but I was grateful for what I already had. I made Marty promise me that he would take care of himself and the boys. I had a feeling he would've shot back with something funny, but the look on my face was serious business. He nodded his head and I gave him a hug, reminding him to wrap it before he tapped it. Patch went over some things with me, reminding me that Jackson would say he's single during interviews and she would do her best to contact me if Jackson couldn't or something major came up. She gave me a sweet smile and told me that things would be okay before she left.

After dinner with Jackson's family, we made our way back to the hotel room. I was in a seriously gloomy mood, knowing that it was my last night with Jackson before his birthday. No matter how many times I told Jackson I was fine, he saw through my bullshit. I felt like shit for making the entire thing about me when I knew that he was both excited and a little nervous about being on tour for so long.

"Fuck. I left something in Uncle's room. Be right back."

He ran out of the room before I could even reply. I climbed onto our bed, bringing my knees up so my chin could rest on them, and simply scrolled through my iTunes on my iPhone. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a clicking sound. I raised my head, my hair falling in my face, and noticed that Jackson was back in the room and holding a camera.

"What are you doing?"

Click.

"Nothing."

Click.

"Dude, what's with the camera?"

Click.

"Nothing."

Click.

"For the sake of that index finger, you better be fucking around and not actually taking pictures of me."

"I'm not."

Click click.

I went back to fiddling with my iTunes and tried not to lunge at him and snag the camera when I heard more clicking sounds. When I couldn't take it anymore, I raised my head and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't give me that look," he laughed. "I'm taking these on the road with me."

_Aaaand I'm a puddle of goo_.

I moved my position, so I was on my hands and knees. I crawled over to him, ignoring the fact that he was still taking pictures of me, and kissed him. Even then, the camera kept clicking. It didn't even stop when I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought him on to the bed. It didn't stop when I laid down, Jackson's legs on either side of my body as he hovered over me.

He took pictures of me trying to bury my face in the pillow and with my hair all over the place and making kissy face and goofy faces and smiley faces.

"Whoa! I'm interrupting the sexy times again, aren't I?"

Jackson huffed and lowered his camera as he and I both turned to see Graupner standing just inside the room with his hand over his eyes.

"There are no sexy times without you, lover," I laughed.

I sat up, Jackson moving to sit on the edge of the bed, and laughed when Graupner opened his fingers to peer at us through them.

"Scott and I are going out to a bar. You guys wanna come?"

"I'm pretty beat," I said.

"Same here."

"Liar," I said, elbowing Jackson in the arm. "Go out. Get trashed. Have one for me."

"I think last night's catching up with me," he replied, shaking his head. "I kind of just want to relax tonight."

Graupner took a quick shower and changed, asking us again if we wanted to join him before he left.

"I hope you didn't stay in because of me," I said, a sad smile in place.

"I'm not going out to watch Ben pick up chicks on your last night here. I'll have enough of that on tour."

I hopped in the shower, wanting to wash the day and my bad mood away, and came out to find Jackson on my phone.

"Who you talking to?"

"Suzy. I picked up and she started yelling and screaming about how you haven't told her about the premiere."

"He's such a lying sack of shit. I wasn't yelling or screaming," she immediately said after he handed me the phone.

I gave him an accusatory look, making him laugh. He kissed the side of my head as he walked into the bathroom, the noise of the shower going on a few seconds later.

I spent a little time on the phone with Suzy and then decided to call my parental units to make sure they were aware that their oldest was flying in the next day. After that, Juanita kept me on the phone for about an hour as I gave her detail after detail about what I looked like for the premiere, what Jackson wore, and if I bumped into any other famous people.

"Did you take pictures?"

"Of what?"

"You all dressed up for the premiere."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I just didn't. I don't know. I didn't realize that I was supposed to document myself last night. But I will say that I looked seriously different."

Jackson suddenly took the phone out of my hands.

"I have pictures. I'll send them to her, so she can send them to you."

He handed the phone back to me and acted as if nothing happened.

"When did you take pictures of me?"

"Right before we left Ashley's hotel room. You were hugging Mom."

"Oh. See, J? You'll get your pictures after all," I said, directing the convo back to her.

"Good to know at least one of you has brains," she replied.

By the time I got off the phone with J, it was already close to midnight. Jackson and I forgot about watching the movie we had decided on earlier and just got into bed. As soon as our heads had hit the pillows, Jackson got a text.

"Oh, Jesus."

"What?" I asked.

"Ben says not to wait up for him because he met 'a lady friend,'" he laughed, making air quotes.

I laughed and rolled my eyes, reaching over to grab my phone when it went off.

_She means nothing to me. I still love you. – Graupner_

I let out a huge laugh and then showed Jackson what the text said. He chuckled and mumbled something I couldn't hear, reaching across me to put my phone back on the nightstand. Jackson was just putting his arm around my waist when I remembered that I still had my contacts in. I decided I was too comfortable to move so I left them in, knowing I was going to kick my own ass when I woke up in pain in the morning.

_Warm bed. Hot boyfriend. Oh, hello, sleep._

For whatever reason, I hesitantly woke up, and even though I hadn't opened my eyes, I knew it wasn't morning. But there was something brushing against my face and a strange noise going on behind me. I moved my hand over my cheek but didn't feel anything so I ignored it and tried going back to sleep, letting out a sigh. I was almost under again when I heard a clicking sound. And then I felt whatever it was on my face again. I wondered if I was still dreaming, and it just seemed really real.

Then I heard the clicking sound again and realized I knew exactly what it was.

"Jackson?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you taking pictures?"

"Yeah."

"Of what? And why? It's…" I trailed off as I reached for my phone, "…four in the morning."

"Because you're beautiful when you sleep."

I snorted and turned around to face him, letting out a big sigh when I heard another clicking sound.

"I'm sure it's really attractive to catch me snoring or drooling," I mumbled.

"It is, but you weren't doing either."

I finally opened my eyes and realized he was resting on one side of his body while the other arm held the camera to his face, taking even more shots. I grabbed his face, narrowing my eyes at him, and made sure he was paying attention to me.

"Go to sleep," I said, trying to keep my laughter in.

He took a few more shots, making sure to get one when I rolled my eyes at him, and then reached over me to put the camera next to my phone. When he settled back in, I snuggled into his chest, taking a deep breath and committing to memory what he smelled like.

_I'm gonna fucking you miss you so bad._

"What, Baby Girl?"

_Fuck you, non-working internal monologue!_

"I was just thinking about how much I'm going to miss you."

He pulled away from me and ran his fingers over my lips, staring at them while I stared at him. He looked up at me and then moved his face toward mine, hovering above my lips for a bit before he actually kissed me. After a few seconds, he started to pull away but I didn't want him to go anywhere. I put my hand behind his neck and kept his mouth on mine. Jackson, catching on quickly, adjusted his position and moved on top of me, settling his hips between my thighs. He kept his arms on either side of my head and he continued to kiss me, slowly lowering himself so I could feel the weight of his body.

I knew that I was going to see him again for his birthday in a little over a month, but our bubble was popping and it made me even more desperate to keep him with me in that moment. I didn't want to let him go. It wasn't fair. Life was starting to suck. And I mentally shook my mental fists at the universe for pulling him away from me.

That desperate feeling was starting to turn my brain into mush, but I didn't want that moment to be about that. I just wanted him to know that I loved him and that I was gonna miss him.

Without even thinking about it, I raised my hips and felt how hard he was. He shifted his hips, grinding his dick against my covered vajayjay, and I moaned at how good it felt. His hands immediately went underneath my shirt and started pulling it up, removing it entirely when I lifted my back off the bed a little. His mouth came back down onto my neck, his tongue taking a lick every once in a while, as he slowly grinded against me.

I brought my legs up and hooked my feet into his boxer briefs, pushing them down, because I was tired of waiting. Jackson kicked them off and then sat back on his heels, running his hands up my legs until he reached my boy shorts. He tugged them off and threw them behind him while I reached into the nightstand to grab a condom.

I had the drawer open just a little when his hands caught my wrist. He brought it and my other hand above my head and then leaned down to kiss me.

"Just me and you," he said, his lips still against mine.

Before I could respond, one of his hands grabbed my leg under the knee and pushed it toward my chest. He used his weight to keep it there as he moved his hand down my body, running his fingers up and down my slit to feel how wet I was. Then, so fucking slowly that it almost killed me, he pushed into me. When he was finally all the way in, I kissed him, doing my best to not moan loud enough that the entire state of California could hear me.

Rather than pull out right away, Jackson shifted his hips and hit my clit dead on, making me whimper. The fucker did it again. And again. And again. He kept doing it until I couldn't take it anymore, and I came without him even having to thrust once.

I heard him mutter as I was cumming and didn't even get to catch my breath before he started pulling out and pushing in. He finally let my hands go, and they immediately went to his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin, as he continued to do the thrusting thing. His head rested against mine for a bit, and I could hear him grunt every time he pushed in.

And that fucking drove me crazy.

I pulled on his hair a bit, just enough to get his face to mine, and kissed him so fucking hard. As I did, I flipped us over, moaning and panting as we changed positions. With his dick still inside me, I straddled him and moved my hips back and forth a couple of times until I heard him start moaning. I pushed my hands against his stomach and sat straight up, my eyes rolling back into my head once I fully registered how fucking amazing it felt to have him inside me in this position. Jackson grabbed my hips and started sliding me up his dick. I moaned and whimpered and muttered curses every time I went up or came down.

I leaned back a little and placed my hands on his thighs, Jackson's hands immediately leaving my hips. His hands moved up my stomach until he reached the boobs and then he just latched onto them, groping and pushing them together, as I continued to ride him.

My panting and moaning got louder and louder, matching his, and I knew I was about to cum so fucking hard, I was certain I was going to black out or some shit.

"Fuck… Oh, God... I'm cumming... Oh, shit… Oh, shit!"

Suddenly, Jackson sat up a bit and placed his hands around my back, pulling me down to lie on top of him, keeping me to him in a tight ass hug. He buried his face in my hair and then went to town. He starting drilling into me so quick and so hard, I couldn't do anything but yell out his name every time he thrust in.

And then I died.

Okay, not really. But it would've been a sweet fucking death.

As I came, I felt Jackson cum, too. Even though I'm usually the one that's the more vocal, he loud out a string of loud ass profanities that woulda made any sailor blush and run for cover. His hands moved down to my ass and just stayed there as my body started to calm down and stop trembling. He finally quieted down a bit, our heavy breathing being the only sound in the room, and I kept my head in the crook of his neck.

After a couple of minutes of not moving, I felt Jackson start to shift under me.

"Don't. Just a little while longer," I said into his neck, needing to feel him inside me as long as possible.

His hands left my ass and one came up to encircle my back as the other cupped my face. I brought my head up and looked him in the eyes. His free hand moved the hair from my face that had gotten stuck there from the sweat. I did the same with his since his hair was covering half his face.

I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want him to leave me. I wanted to tell him that I would miss him. But I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't about to make him feel even the slightest bit guilty for a career he was so happy about. I knew what the deal was when I met him and even more so when we got together. Being apart was going to blow like Lohan at a club, but I would've taken him any way I could've.

Too exhausted to do anything else, I finally climbed off of him and settled into his chest. I coulda swore I heard him say something, but I was passed out before I could ask him what it was.

The next morning, I was woken up by the sound of stumbling and groaning. I knew it wasn't Jackson, because I could still feel his weight on the bed. I reluctantly opened my eyes and immediately laughed when I saw Graupner, his hair a mess and decked out in shades, leaning against the dresser, rubbing his knee.

"You're making too much noise," I grumbled. "Good night?"

"She was," he smiled. "But then the hangover kicked in."

He shuffled his feet toward the empty bed and plopped down on it, grabbing a pillow and smooshing it to fit under his head.

"You didn't break her heart, did you?"

"I think she broke me."

"Ewwwww. Didn't need to know."

"I don't need to see, though I don't mind the view."

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

He smiled really big and then did this chin nod thing. I looked down at myself and realized that the sheet and comforter had moved down and half of one boob was exposed. I screamed and promptly gathered as much of the blankets as I could to cover myself, waking Jackson up in the process. Graupner, despite being hungover and in pain, laughed really loudly and explained the deal to Jackson in short breaths. I heard Jackson start to laugh along with him so I punched him in his thigh, making him shut up pretty fucking fast.

Using one of the sheets, I wrapped myself up like a burrito and huffed my way to the bathroom, Jackson half-laughing and half-yelling that he was just joking and for me to get back to bed.

I told him to eat shit and die.

I took my sweet time in the shower, making sure I used up all the hot water, and then walked out only to find that the boys were already dressed, completely comfortable with being dirty.

"Is there anywhere in particular you wanna go for lunch?" Jackson asked me.

"Wait. Lunch? What time is it?"

"Almost noon."

"Shit! I have to pack."

"Well, we'll make it fast."

"No, no. You guys go. I'll grab something at the airport. I really need to get my shit together," I said, looking around at the mess in the room and mentally planning a course of attack.

"Is this because you flashed me?" Graupner asked.

"Yes. I can't stand the sexual tension between us. I'm afraid I might jump you in front of everyone," I deadpanned.

"See? Told ya," he replied, looking at Jackson.

Graupner made his way to the door, and I could hear Britney say something to him and Benny ask him how his night went once he was out in the hallway.

"Come on. We won't be long."

Jackson grabbed one of my duffels and started throwing random shit into it. I knew he wasn't paying attention to what he doing since he had managed to shove one of his socks and a random washcloth from the bathroom into it.

"You know me. I can't do a half-ass job of packing. Just bring me back some hashbrowns or something."

I gave him a quick kiss and then physically turned him around and shoved him out the door. I had to explain to Papa Rathbone that I wouldn't be going because I needed to pack, and it made me both happy and sad at the look of disappointment on his face.

Jackson gave me another quick kiss before he left, the group of them loud as fuck as they walked down the hallway and climbed into the elevator.

I walked back into the hotel room and surveyed the damage that was the floor. I took a deep breath and got to working.

An hour and a half later, I was still in the middle of packing. I was halfway done with it, but Suzy called to see how I was doing. She was surprised at the fact that I wasn't bawling my eyes out over leaving and knowing that I wouldn't see Jackson for a while. Without going into all of the nitty gritty details, I explained to her that he and I had our own goodbye the night before, so the sadness of it all was behind us. That and Graupner had seen me somewhat topless.

After I hung up with her, I called my parents _again_ to make sure _again_ they knew that their least favorite child was _again _flying in. There was some confusion over whether they were to pick me up from the airport or whether I was driving a rental, so we had to get that shit worked out with Mom's work schedule. That phone call took longer than I thought it would.

So, despite the fact that I was leaving Los Angeles and Jackson behind, I blared the music on my iPhone and danced a little as I packed. I knew it wouldn't be long until I saw him again, and I knew that the smeksin between he and I the night before was our own way of saying what needed to be said.

I was jamming out to "Jizz In My Pants" when the door opened, and Britney walked in. I was about to shut it off, not wanting to be the cause of corrupting her young mind, when I realized she had already been corrupted. She was singing every line, word for word, and because I'm the epitome of maturity, I joined her.

Just as the song was ending, Jackson walked in the door, his smile quickly disappearing.

"B, how the hell do you know that song?" he fumed.

"Shut up. I can listen to whatever I want."

I stood there and watched them playfully fight but had to step in when Jackson said something about how songs that were naturally vulgar shouldn't be listened to by his baby sister. I walked over to him and put my hands on his face, keeping as much of my laughter in.

"Chill out, man. And don't be a hypocrite."

"How am I being a hypocrite?"

"Do the words 'Boo Boo Kitty Fuck' mean anything to you?" I smirked.

"That's different."

"Oh? How?"

When he couldn't come up with an answer, I smooshed his cheeks together and gave him a pouty face, instantly irritating him since he knew he had lost.

"You're so whipped," we heard Britney say, making him laugh.

He ran a hand through his hair and then walked over to her, putting her in a headlock and making her yell and punch him as he gave her a noogie. I let them do their thing as I went back to my suitcase and packed.

Jackson left to go do something or get someone and left Brit and I in the room.

"When do we get to see you next?"

"I don't know. Are you going to Vegas for his birthday?"

"Nope."

"Hmmm… I don't know if I'll get to see him for Christmas or New Year's."

"That sucks."

"Tell me about it," I laughed.

I kept packing as Jackson's parents, Kelly, Uncle Larry, and Benny came in and took seats wherever they could, talking and laughing. The room was filled with noise and loud laughter and I tried not to come down from my happy high, knowing that it would be a while before I would get to see any of them.

As the songs shuffled through my iPhone in no particular order, both Jackson and Benny kept making faces. I noticed it happened when anything dancey came on. That turned into Brit pointing out that he was only being defensive since he had no moves whatsoever.

_Oh, he has moves. I just can't talk about them with the parental units sitting here._

I eyed my suitcases a little before I zipped them up, now completely ready for my flight home.

Graupner came in out of nowhere and announced that the band had to go meet up with Scott at the studio.

"Jerad and Kristina called to say they're sorry they couldn't make it here to see you off," he said as he tackle hugged me. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Will you marry me?"

"Only if Uncle turns down my proposal."

"I'll take it."

He hugged me a little tighter before he let go, letting me hug Uncle and then Benny next.

"You take care of him for me, Beard of Doom. I can't rely on Graupner since he's more likely to end up next to him in a jail cell."

"She's really talking about me like I'm not here," I heard Jackson say.

"Okay," he chuckled.

"And thank Molly for me."

"You got it."

And then Graupner, Uncle, and Benny walked out of the room. I would've cried except for the fact that Jackson's family was still in the room, and I knew I would be seeing them in a few weeks for Jackson's birthday.

We were all sitting around talking about when we might be able to see each other next when "Cowboy Take Me Away" came on.

"Watch and learn, son."

Papa Rathbone got up from his seat, walked over to me, and took my hand. I shot Jackson a goofy look and stood up, Papa Rathbone immediately pulling me in to dance with him.

"You treat a beautiful woman like a beautiful woman should be treated," he said as he looked at Jackson. "You do whatever it takes to make her happy. Whether she's your girlfriend, your wife, or your daughter, that special woman in your life is to be treasured."

He looked back at me and gave me this smirk that I had seen many times on Jackson's face. I may or may not have swooned. Okay, I definitely swooned. I couldn't help but smile and get all googley-eyed which caused Randee to laugh. I hid my face in my right hand and just shook my head.

"Now I know where Jackson gets it," I mumbled.

We danced a little while longer before Jackson came in and split us up.

"Alright, alright. That's enough of your charm on her," Jackson chuckled.

"You welcome Iris with open arms, but my boyfriends got shotguns. That's so unfair," Kelly said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You wouldn't believe the things they did."

"Lies. All lies. Papa Rathbone would never do such a thing," I said in a mock daydream voice, batting my eyelashes at him.

"Leave the poor girl alone, Jack," Randee smiled, laughing at my expression. "You're going to make Iris faint."

Jackson pulled me back into him and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Behave yourself, Baby Girl."

He kissed me behind my ear. I snorted.

"We should get going. I promised the girls we'd go shopping before we leave tomorrow," Randee said.

Each hug from a departing Rathbone was filled with a sweet or funny moment.

Kelly: "Thanks for taking him on. Now I know he'll call you first instead of me when he's in trouble."

Brit: "When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of _Sixth Sense_…"

Papa Rathbone: "He may be a charmer, but don't let him get away with anything. If he gets out of line, you call us."

Randee: "Thank you for making him so happy."

And then I watched them walk out the door.

"I'd trade you for them any day," I joked.

"I'd trade me for them, too."

I glanced at the clock and realized I only had about fifteen minutes before I had to leave for the airport. Jackson was originally going to drop me off, but I wasn't having that with the possibility of paps around. I caught a break when Scott said he needed the band in the studio at the same time.

I called for a cab and gathered my suitcase and duffel at the door. I gave Jackson a smile, a quick nod of the head, and a salute.

"Peace out, cub scout!"

I got as far as putting my hand on the lever of the door before he threw his arms around my waist and pulled me away.

"Yeah. Not so fast."

As he pulled me back, he almost tripped over the random shit he and Graupner had lying on the floor and we broke out into hysterical laughter.

"Shit!"

"All the more reason for you two to actually clean up after yourselves."

"This is _your_ fault."

"My fault? Because I held a gun to your head and told you live like this?"

"You made the mad dash for the door."

I made a sound that resembled something along the lines of "Pushah!" and went back to hysterically laughing. I turned around and laid my forehead on his chest, calming myself from the hilarious fit I just had. I grabbed him by the waist and let my fingers dip beneath the hem of the grungy shirt he was wearing, one I was sure was in the corner of the room earlier that day. I let my fingertips dance along his skin until I felt him start to squirm and then I backed off, knowing there wasn't any time to get into an all out tickle fight with him.

"So."

"So."

"I'll see you in a few weeks for my birthday."

"Yep."

"Then maybe for Christmas or New Year's."

"Yep yep."

"Show in Albuquerque."

"Yep yep yep."

"We can do this."

"We can totally do this," I smiled. "We've done it before, and we'll have to do it again. But we're like the Alamo and shit. We stand strong."

"And you know I love you."

"Wait. You do? Since when?"

I dramatically place my hand on my chest and played the innocent until he gave me that smile, and I melted. I placed my arms around his neck, feeling his hands settle on my waist, and I stood on my tippy-toes to give him a kiss.

"I know you love me. You know I love you. It's an all-knowing love fest between us."

He hugged me really effin tight and I took that opportunity to jump up and wrap my legs around his waist, catching him totally off guard and almost making us fall over. Since we were now eye-to-eye, it was much easier to say what I needed to without the neck pain.

"We'll call," I began.

"And text."

"And email."

"And have phone sex. Lots and lots of phone sex."

"It's called masturbation since you'll be the only doing it," I laughed.

"Really? You won't have phone sex with me?" he fake pouted.

"No."

_Liar._

"Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Yes to the phone sex."

"I knew I loved you for a reason," he smiled, kissing me quickly.

"Yeah, well… I'm a giver, not a taker."

The alarm I had set on my iPhone to let me know that my cab would arrive any minute went off, and I automatically leaned into Jackson and hugged him as hard as I could.

"Behave yourself. And remember that I love you. And that I'm poor so I can't afford to post bail for both you and Graupner. And please be safe out there."

"Call me when you land."

"Okay."

I pulled back and kissed him. I kissed him _good_. I wanted him to remember that kiss and whose tongue it was that was shoved in his mouth. I wanted him to remember my legs around his waist and my hands in his hair.

There was no way I was forgetting his hands on my ass.

We pulled away from each other when the second alarm on my phone went off, and I reluctantly hopped off of him. I walked over to grab my phone, the charger in the wall, and headed to the door. I grabbed my rolley, put my duffel on my shoulder, and held onto my cello case by the handle.

"I'll see you soon."

"I'll see you soon," I repeated. "I love you."

"I'll see you soon."

"Jackson!" I laughed.

"I love you, too," he chuckled.

He gave me one last kiss, and I walked out of the hotel room.

As I made my way downstairs to the front to catch my cab, I didn't feel like working my tear ducts. Yeah, I was sad that I wouldn't see him for a bit, but it would only be for a few weeks and then we'd party in Vegas for his birthday. And I was happy that he was able to do the tour thing. He was always happiest when he was on stage, and I wanted him to be a goofball on the road and enjoy his time with the guys.

I got into that cab with a smile on my face and plotted what I could do to make him _really_ smile his smile on his birthday.

_I _so_ can't wait for that._

* * *

**Reviews are like Graupner seeing your boob: You turn red and laugh anyway.**


	27. All I Want for Christmas is You

**Thanks for re-visitng Jackris.**_  
_

**Translations at the bottom.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / dEyM2n  
**

* * *

_I find the map and draw a straight line  
Over rivers, farms, and state lines  
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be  
It's only finger-lengths that I see  
I touch the place where I'd find your face  
My fingers in creases of distant dark places_

_I hang my coat up in the first bar  
There is no peace that I've found so far  
The laughter penetrates my silence  
As drunken men find flaws in science_

_Their words mostly noises  
Ghosts with just voices  
Your words in my memory  
Are like music to me_

_I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
I, I __pray__ that something picks me up  
And sets me down in your warm arms_

_After I have travelled so far  
We'd set the fire to the third bar  
We'd share each other like an island  
Until exhausted, close our eyelids  
And dreaming, pick up from  
The last place we left off  
Your soft skin is weeping  
A joy you can't keep in_

_I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
And I, I pray that something picks me up  
and sets me down in your warm arms_

_I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
and I, I pray that something picks me up  
and sets me down in your warm arms_

Repeat.

_I find the map and draw a straight line  
Over rivers, farms, and state lines  
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be  
It's only finger-lengths that I see  
I touch the place—_

"Iris, _si no dejas de tocar esa cancion, voy a quebrar esa computadora_!"

"Leave me alone, Mom!"

_If I wanna be depressed, I'm gonna be depressed, damn it! And it's not my fault the trailer for _Dear John_ is on TV every five minutes. That shit hits too close to home right now._

The past six weeks had sucked. They blew. The blew hardcore. Everything that I had scheduled completely fell through, and I was now a walking mess of self-induced depression.

When I arrived in Albuquerque, despite having left Jackson in LA, I was in pretty okay spirits. For some strange reason, I was actually excited to see my family and spend Thanksgiving with them. The new house my parents had moved into was pretty on the outside, only to be ruined by Mom's interior decorating. She had fake potted plants in corners and a giant kitchen table that didn't match anything in the kitchen. She had weird shit nailed to the walls, none of the bedspreads matched the curtains in the bedrooms, and part of the downstairs living room couldn't be lived in. It had horribly ugly yet somewhat fancy furniture and really uncomfortable couches. The only upside was that the other part of the downstairs living room had plush couches and a 55" flatscreen TV with satellite.

Thanksgiving was a shitstorm of epic proportions. Even though Mom knew I was a vegetarian, she completely disregarded that thought and made almost every dead animal on the planet for dinner. She was trying to force me out of my "diet," as she called it, though she said she didn't want me to do anything that would make me gain weight again. I ended up driving to Burger King and ordering a veggie burger combo before they closed.

Jackson's birthday was a bust, too. I had everything ready to go, but when I checked my bank accounts, I realized I didn't have the money for a plane ticket. I didn't know what to do. There was no way I was going to ask my parents for money, and there was definitely no way I was going to let Jackson pay for it. I ended up lying to him and said that I wasn't feeling well enough to travel. Yeah, it was shitty of me and it didn't make me feel any better about the situation, but I refused to allow him to spend any money on me. So, because of that, I missed his party in Vegas.

Christmas came and went without Jackson. He was still under the impression that I was too sick to travel, and I was okay with letting him think that.

Christmas Day tradition in my house has always been centered around me, mainly because my family feared my tantrums. Nobody was ever allowed to get out of bed and go downstairs to open presents until I blasted Mariah's "All I Want For Christmas Is You." I'd run around the house, banging on doors and waking them up out of their comas. But that Christmas without Jackson was different. I still played the song but I didn't bang on doors, and I wasn't smiling much when everyone opened their presents. Actually, once everyone was done, I went right back upstairs, talked to Jackson for a bit, and then cried a little while I played Mariah's "Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)."

I'm nothing if not dramatic.

When New Year's rolled around, I was out of excuses. I finally broke down and told him that I wasn't able to fly out, because I didn't have the money. Just like I knew he would, he offered to pay for the ticket. I refused him. That turned into a fight, and shit got even worse when he realized that I hadn't actually been sick on his birthday. I called him a few hours later to apologize, but he didn't pick up. I ended up leaving a sobbing, blubbering message on his voicemail. He called twenty minutes after that, and we made up but not before he gave me a lecture about lying to him. He said he understood that I didn't want to take his money, but he didn't want any lies between us. By the end of the phone call, I was a hysterical mess again.

So, there I was, sitting at my computer, listening to "Set the Fire to the Third Bar" on repeat, and having my mother yell threats at me from downstairs in the kitchen.

Ever since I had to miss out on Jackson's birthday, nothing happy was coming outta the laptop that my brother, Raymundo, was letting me use. It was all sad and depressing, which I thought was fine since it matched my mood. It was driving my parents crazy.

I hadn't gotten out of the house much, because I was determined to stay in my funk. I was great at wallowing, and I was going for the gold. Mom had somehow gotten me to agree to go Christmas shopping with her. She may have threatened to marry me off to some dude she knew who needed a green card to stay in the country if I didn't. I had to endure two hours at flea markets and then another hour at some Mexican store that sold nothing I would ever need. As payback, I made her drive me to the mall so I could find something for Jackson. I may not have been able to celebrate his birthday with him, but at that time, I was determined to give him his present on New Year's.

Little did I know.

I ended up at a music store and found the most perfect gifts for him and the rest of the boys. I had actually smiled as I wrapped their presents but then went back to my funkdafied state when I later realized that I wouldn't be able to give them out on New Year's. Their presents were still sitting underneath the Christmas tree that I refused to let my brother take down.

My ass had stayed put in the computer chair the entire time I was in Albuquerque, watching as all the concert videos and pictures came in over Twitter. The boys looked so happy when they were on stage, and the pictures they took with fans made me miss them even more.

Jackson's hair was getting really long, and he was doing this facial hair thing that had earned him a definite teasing from me. He had also taken to wearing this large black hat all the time. I called it the "Amish Hat," and he defended its existence like it was his child. As much shit as I gave him for it, I secretly adored it. It was very him.

The song ended and started up again, making me sigh. Honestly, if I had known that I wouldn't have been able to see him for six weeks, I think I would've been okay with that because I would've been prepared. But having my plans fall through, getting my hopes only to have them come crashing down, was way too fucking much to deal with.

A knock on the door barely made me move my head. I didn't even budge when it opened despite my not having said anything.

"You look ridiculous," Dad said, smiling and trying to contain his laughter.

"So?" I grumbled.

I was wearing striped, multi-colored thigh high socks that had a fuzzy ball at each ankle, my old volleyball shorts, and a large, hooded sweatshirt that ended where the top of my thigh highs began. The hood was over my head, and I was playing up my emoness as much as I could.

"Did you even shower today?"

"Yes, I showered!" I snapped.

Dad narrowed his eyes at me, and I immediately shrunk back.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to get snippy."

_Snippy! Ugh, I miss Jackson._

"I know you haven't been really happy since you got here. I just wish you wouldn't lock yourself away in here."

And then I felt like shit for acting the way I had. It wasn't the family's fault that I wasn't able to see Jackson. And I'm pretty sure I looked like an even bigger baby since I had arrived in Albuquerque happy but was now dressing like a weirdo and hiding out in my cave of a room.

"When do they get in?" Dad asked.

"They tweeted about twenty minutes ago to say that they had just arrived in Albuquerque."

"They tweeted?" he asked, confused.

"It's like text messaging but… Oh, nevermind," I laughed.

"When do you get to see them?"

"Not until tomorrow. They've been driving all day, and I didn't want to bother them when they need to sleep."

"Okay. _Te dejo, entonces._"

"Okay."

He started to close the door, but I wanted to apologize to him while I had the chance.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?" he asked as he came back in.

"I'm sorry about being a whiney wannabe teenager since I've been here. I didn't think all of my plans would fall through, and I've never gone this long without seeing him—"

"It's okay," he said, cutting me off.

He walked out and left me staring at the computer screen. I texted Jackson and told him to be safe while he drove down Central since the Monkey Camper, as I like to call it, would definitely attract attention. I didn't want someone targeting it or them since he wasn't going to be in the best part of the city.

I didn't hear back from him.

About an hour later, Dad came by and knocked on my door again.

"Have you taken Minnie outside, yet?"

"No," I replied, swiveling in my chair to look at her.

My fat little baby was sleeping on her side, tucked underneath all of the blankets despite the fact that it was sixty-five degrees outside and even warmer inside the house.

"I'll take her," Dad said as he walked in and picked her up.

"I'm going outside to smoke in five minutes."

"I've already got her," he smiled and then walked out.

Not two minutes later, I heard Minnie barking her head off downstairs. When she hadn't stopped after a few minutes, I groaned and got out my chair. I stomped my feet as I walked to the stairs and down the first flight.

"What the hell is she barking at?" I whined.

When I hit the landing to turn and go down the second set of stairs, I froze. There, for whatever reason, was Jackson standing in the middle of my kitchen. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I barely noticed the rest of the band off to my left and my parents to my right.

"Hey, Baby Girl," he said cheerfully.

And that was all it took.

I flew down the stairs and jumped on Jackson, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I guess he was expecting it since we didn't fall over. I buried my face in his neck and refused to let go.

"Iris, _vajate_!"

"She's making a mean face at you and waving her hands around. I think she wants you to get off of me," Jackson laughed, whispering in my ear.

"No," I pouted.

To prove that I wasn't going anywhere, I tightened my grip around his neck. My mom started to say something, but Graupner cut her off.

"Hi! I'm Ben Graupner, band member and future husband to your lovely daughter here…"

I couldn't hear any more of what he said, because Jackson was walking us away from the kitchen. We ended up outside on the front porch.

"Baby Girl, I'm having trouble breathing."

"Deal with it."

"How am I supposed to kiss you if you won't move your head?"

"Figure it out, because I'm not letting go."

He chuckled at my response, and I figured it was time to finally ease up a little. I loosened my grip on his neck enough so that I could lean back and see his face.

"There you are. Not that I mind the position we're in, but I don't think getting me hard in front of your parents is the greatest way for me to meet them."

"What are you doing here?" I cried. "I thought I wasn't going to get to see you until tomorrow."

"Surprise," he laughed.

I laughed a little and then wiped my face with one of my hands. My legs, though, were still securely wrapped around his waist. There was no way I was letting go of him there.

"How do you even know where I live?"

"Suzy," he replied. "Sneaky, huh?"

In all of the time that I had spent on the phone with Suzy over the past six weeks, she never once mentioned having talked to Jackson. Then again, she had spent most of her time trying to tell me about the most ridiculous things to get me to smile. She hadn't even made me feel bad when I told her that I couldn't afford to get her a Christmas present, because I was already low on funds _and_ had gotten something for each of the guys.

"I owe her, like, a year's worth of dinner at Chipotle or something."

"But first, you owe me a little something," he smirked.

_You don't need to tell me twice._

I leaned down and kissed him with everything I had. My hands went into his hair, knocking the fedora off his head. He walked forward until I felt my lower back hit the side of the house. Since I now had something to use as leverage, Jackson moved his hands from my back. One hand moved up and grabbed the back of my neck, keeping my mouth on his, while the other moved down the side of my body, lingered on my ass for a bit, and then finally settled on my thigh.

I was getting really worked up and wanted nothing more than to have sexy times, but my parents were on the other side of the door and I knew it would only be a matter of time before one of my parental units came outside looking for us.

I pulled back a little, panting, and leaned my head against the wall.

"Where'd you go?" he asked.

"My mom is probably five seconds away from busting through that door."

"Ugh," he groaned, leaning his head against my chest.

"I know, I know."

I led him back into the house and then felt silly and horrified at the fact that I hadn't even said hi to anyone else.

"No need for that search party, I guess," Jerad announced.

"Hug me. Let's get the mushiness over with," I said, gesturing with my hands.

I hugged each of the guys, saying belated Merry Christmases and Happy New Year'ses. Once that was done, I properly introduced them individually and as a band to my parents. I don't know why, but I got unbelievably shy when I introduced them to Jackson.

"Jackson, these are my parents," I said, pointing to the smiling parental units. "Mom, Dad… Uh, this is Jackson, _mi novio_," I mumbled.

The three of them shot me strange looks, and I heard Jerad snickering from across the kitchen.

"What?" I turned around to face him. "The last time I did that, I was fourteen. Leave me alone, man."

"Sorry. That was just really funny."

I ignored his little comment and stood by as Jackson and my parents talked a little bit. He told them about the tour, tried to define the type of music they played, and then explained why I was marrying Graupner when I was with him.

I looked around, taking in the fact that Graupner was head first in the refrigerator, Benny was coming out of the downstairs bathroom, and Uncle Larry and Jerad were sitting in the living room watching the flatscreen.

"Are you guys hungry? I can make you something really quick. Or we can go get some fast food. Are you thirsty? We have water, soda, juice, I think, and whatever else Graupner didn't take from the fridge. I could run to the Super Walmart—"

"Iris!"

I jumped at the sound of both my mother and Jackson yelling at me.

"_Si_?"

"Stop," Jackson chuckled. "We ate already."

"Oh."

"But we should get going. It's late."

"Hey, where's Marty?" I asked.

"_Ay otro? Quien es Marty_?"

"Their manager, Mom."

"He went ahead to check us into the hotel," Benny said. "He says he's sorry he didn't get to meet you tonight, but he wanted to get the trailer locked up and secured," he then said to my parents.

As soon as he was done talking, Jerad and Uncle Larry turned off the TV and got up from the couch. I tried not to let my face show my emoness at having to watch them leave.

"_Vas a ir_?" my mom asked. "Sorry. Are you going?" she repeated in English so everyone could understand.

I turned to look at her with wide eyes and then turned to look hopefully at Jackson.

"You better hurry," he chuckled.

I dashed upstairs, slammed my door, threw on a pair of pants and a shirt, put on my shoes, and then grabbed my purse.

"Minnie's medication is on my desk. She needs two of the little ones and one of the big ones before she goes to bed," I panted as I ran down the stairs. "_Me prestas tu carro_?"

"_Porque lo necesitas_?" she replied.

"_No puedo dejar que me traiga en la manana solamente para regresar a su hotel. Por favor_?" I gave her the puppy dog eyes that hadn't worked on her since I was eight.

"_Te vas a quedar alli_?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at me.

I looked over at Jackson for help but then remembered that he didn't know shit about Spanish.

Whether I was having sex with Jackson or not hadn't really come up in conversation with my mom. It wasn't something I wanted to _ever_ discuss with her, but I liked to pretend that she knew what the real deal was even though I hadn't said anything. I so didn't wanna have to actually talk to her about it.

My dad, bless his heart, caught my nervous face and helped me out.

"You break it, you bought it," he said as he reached into her purse and gave me the keys.

I jumped up and down, quickly giving him a kiss, and promised my mom that I wouldn't ruin her precious car. I grabbed Jackson's hand and started leading him through the living room to the front door.

"Hey, Jackson?" my dad yelled out.

"Yes, sir?"

Dad looked at him and then at me and then back at him. He opened his mouth to say something but then stopped himself, shaking his head.

"I know you think my daughter's terribly cute and everything, but don't let her talk you into any trouble. I won't hesitate to leave both your asses in a jail cell overnight," he smiled.

"Ha freaking ha, dad."

Jackson, though, didn't laugh. He walked right up to my dad and shook his hand. I have no idea why. They were talking in hushed whispers, driving me crazy since I couldn't hear what they were saying, and then I just got fed up. I walked over and dragged Jackson away.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

I stepped outside and found Graupner leaning against my mom's car. I guess the other three had already taken off in whatever they drove to get to the house.

"You ready? We're gonna do this ghetto style," I smirked.

"I call shotgun!" Graupner yelled.

Jackson looked ready to argue with him over it.

"Trust me," I began. "You're gonna wanna sit in the back for this."

We all climbed in, and I hooked up my iPhone to the sound system while the boys got situated and put on their seatbelts.

"How ghetto is ghetto?" Jackson asked, suddenly worried.

I didn't answer him. I simply turned on the car and hit the play button, letting my iTunes start. As soon as "Still D.R.E" started blaring through the speakers, Jackson groaned and sunk down in the backseat. Gruapner took a hat out from somewhere and put it on sideways, making me laugh. Jackson leaned forward and tried tipping it off of his head.

"Don't, fool. I'll bust a cap in your ass," Graupner said when he turned around to face him.

"It could be worse, babe," I said as I looked at Jackson through the rearview.

"Oh, yeah? How's that?"

"The car could have hydraulics."

"That might actually be better," he laughed.

I pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Central. Once "Still D.R.E" ended, I lightened up on Jackson and put my phone on shuffle. As we drove down through the city to their hotel, I pointed out little things that didn't matter and mentioned areas that they should visit if they got the time to come back through the area again.

Twenty minutes later, we arrived at some dingy ass hotel close to Old Town. I parked the car next to the trailer and got out, waiting for the other two to do the same. Jerad, Uncle, and Benny were waiting for us outside and laughed when they saw Graupner with his sideways cap on.

"We went ghetto for about five minutes," I explained.

We headed up the stairs to the second floor where one of the doors was slightly open in the corner. Jerad walked right in, and we all followed. Marty was sitting at a small table flipping through some papers when he looked up.

"Don't get angry. I had to secure the trailer, get us checked in, and call The Launchpad to make sure everything's okay for tomorrow. I wanted to go to your place but couldn't," he said as he hugged me.

"Yeah. Whatever, Lawson."

We all sat around and talked, but the boys looked ready to pass out five minutes into the conversation. Graupner and Benny stayed in that room with Marty while Jerad, Uncle, Jackson, and I walked to the room next door. I had barely taken a step inside, ready to crawl under the blankets with Jackson, but I got the door slammed in my face by Jerad.

"Hey! What the hell?" I mumbled.

Jared pulled the curtains aside and was wagging his eyebrows at me through the window, and Uncle Larry was sitting down on one of the beds, his head thrown back in laughter. I didn't even get a chance to find out what was going on, because Jackson pulled me away and led me down to a room on the opposite end of the external hallway. He put the key card into the slot and opened the door, shoving me into the room. I stood there and looked around, wondering why there was only a queen-sized bed and no band equipment around. There was also only one duffle bag in the corner.

"Whose room is this?" I asked.

"Ours."

"Why aren't we bunking with everyone else?"

"Are you serious?" he chuckled.

He put his arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest, and then let one hand go up my shirt.

"Oh. Ohhhhh…" I said, finally getting it.

"You're a quick one tonight," he said as he pulled my hair to the side and nuzzled my neck.

"Wait. I thought you guys were having to be really careful with the band's budget."

"This didn't come out of the budget. And before you argue with me," he said as he turned me around, "I haven't seen you in six weeks. I don't give a fuck that you don't like me spending money on you. I wanted a room just for the two of us for the night. Deal with it."

"Are you still mad?" I mumbled.

"Yes and no," he sighed. "I understand why you lied to me, but I hate the lying. Shit's hard enough as it is, Iris. We can't add lying to it, no matter how well-intentioned it is."

"When did you turn into Yoda?" I lightly laughed.

"When you spend as much time with Uncle Larry as I do, it starts to rub off," he shrugged.

I laughed as I pulled away from him and set my purse down on the table. I shook my head a little as I started pulling shit out of it.

"What?"

"Hotel rooms. We're always getting freaky naughty in hotel rooms," I giggled. "I'm like a hooker!"

"But a well-paid one, like the ones politicians get," he laughed.

"I think you're giving me too much credit."

"No, I'm not," he said, walking over to me in two steps and pulling me in for a kiss.

An hour later, I was tangled up in the sheets, sweaty and blissed out. Jackson was two seconds away from snoring. We had been well on our way to having sweaty monkey sex, as I had started calling it, but Jackson was more tired than he realized, and it ended up being slow and really fucking sensual.

Not that I minded.

I played with his hair as he laid his head on my stomach.

"I really am sorry, you know."

"For what?" he mumbled.

"For the lying thing."

"Can I ask you something? Why do you have such a problem with people spending money on you? Kristen's pretty pissed you left the dress in LA with me, by the way."

I snorted a little as I thought of the texts I had gotten from both Kristen and Nikki, angry that I hadn't taken the premiere dress with me. But I had a good feeling that dress was hella expensive, and there was no way I was going to just take off with it.

"We didn't have a lot growing up. We moved to this country with hardly anything, and it took my parents a while to find jobs as they went through all that hoopla to get their citizenships. Anyway, it didn't feel right for me to accept a gift or whatever when I wasn't able to give anything back. I guess I just never grew out of that."

Jackson raised his head, not saying anything as he looked me over.

"What?"

He crawled up a little and kissed me, laying down on the pillow beside mine.

"Nothing."

He left it at that and then quickly changed the subject. He told me all about the little things he couldn't when he had called me on the road. He was pissed about what happened at the Hard Rock but shrugged it off as a hazard of touring. He gave me more insight into the world of Uncle Larry's wisdom, about how it would come out at the most random times about the most random things. I asked him how the groupies were, and he responded as if he had no idea what I was talking about. It made me giggle.

"You shaved," I said, reminded by his smooth face against my skin.

"Random thought?" he chuckled.

"The pictures and videos from the shows," I shrugged. "You've been very mountain man the past few shows."

"I wanted to make a good impression on your parents."

He smiled at me and then spent some time kissing me from my shoulder up to my ear.

"Oh! Did I tell you that I'm going back to New York in a week?"

"I honestly can't remember," he said, muffled against my neck.

"Nice," I snorted. "I called Meara to let her know I'd be back the middle of this month, so the subletter can find a new place. I even have a job interview lined up a couple of days after I get back."

"Where at?"

"A law firm. They're looking for a receptionist slash assistant slash file clerk. It's not a big firm, but they're offering pretty good money. And I'll have time to study for my LSATs before I start applying for law schools."

I tried not to take it too personally when he fell asleep in the middle of our convo. As big as his smile had been that day, I could tell he was really tired. So, I just let him sleep while I laid there. I was starting to drift off but then suddenly felt Jackson's hand on my stomach.

"You asleep?" he mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"Almost."

"Mmkay. I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Now go to sleep."

"Mmkay."

And just like that, he was completely out again.

Despite having been up late, I woke up early the next morning. It probably had something to do with the fact that Jackson had his face between my legs.

"Who needs coffee to wake up?" I laughed, promptly shutting the fuck up when he flicked my clit with his tongue.

He gave my hooha a wake-up call it'd never forget. He licked and sucked and flicked and fingered, making me cum twice and just about moan my head off. He really did me in when, for no reason known to me, he bit the inside of my thigh. It drove me fucking crazy.

"It's a good thing I asked for a room away from the guys. You can get really loud," he chuckled.

"Brain. Mush. _No comprendo_," I panted.

He crawled his way up my body, taking his time to kiss and lick as he did, before he settled on hovering above me. He leaned down and kissed me as I parted my legs to make room for him, automatically putting one leg around his waist. Without saying anything, he pushed into me, making my eyes roll back. When I finally caught my breath, I realized he hadn't moved. I opened my eyes, taking in the look on his face, before I moved my hips, hoping to get him going.

He leaned down to kiss me again and then started thrusting. He kept his mouth on mine as I moaned. I grabbed onto his hair, now longer than I had ever dealt with, and continued to pant and moan as he pushed harder and harder into me.

Jackson let his body rest fully on mine, resting his mouth on my ear, nibbling on the lobe for a bit. As I heard him continue panting and groaning in my ear, he took my hand in his and moved it down my body until I felt my fingertips touch his dick as he moved in and out of me.

"You feel that? That's me and you," he grunted.

I moaned and shivered at his words. Then, he slightly adjusted our hands. Our fingers were now settled on my clit, and he moved them together in little, fast circles.

"I really wanna hear you," he moaned in my ear.

He had already made me cum twice, and he hadn't ever really said anything about how loud I knew I could get during sex. I guess it spurred me on to know that he liked it. And that he wanted it.

So, I moaned and groaned and screamed while my head thrashed back and forth, feeling myself tighten around him.

"Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck…" he said as he came.

I did my best to hold on to him as he was cumming, but I wasn't any more coherent than he was. And then we both just stayed where we were, calming ourselves down but still breathing hard. When I could finally process a thought, I turned my head and started planting kisses on his face. He moved his head and finally his body so that he was back to being fully on top of me, allowing me to continue kissing him all over his face. He smiled when I finally kissed his lips.

"I don't wanna get all emotionally mushy on you," I began. "But I love you. I really missed you. And I'm two seconds away from packing my shit up and joining you in the van for the rest of the tour."

"You're not gonna cry, are you?"

"No," I lightly laughed.

"Good. It wouldn't do well for my ego if you started crying while I'm still inside of you," he smirked, making me hum.

Not too much later, he pulled out and we both fell right back to sleep.

The alarm on my phone woke me up right at 10:30am. I shut it off as quickly as I could, hoping it wouldn't wake Jackson. He had told me the night before that they had all day to do nothing until the show, and I knew he wanted to spend most of it sleeping. I climbed out of bed and tip-toed into the bathroom. I wondered whether I should risk waking him up by taking a shower or if it was better to head home looking like I had been thoroughly loved on. Not wanting to deal with that conversation with either of my parentals and thanking the Lord that Jackson was out like a baby, I hopped in and took a quick shower.

I grabbed the extra set of clothes out of my Mariah bag and changed. I threw my hair up into a bun and secured it with a pencil, taking one look at my make-up back and deciding I wasn't in the mood to even look remotely presentable.

I grabbed my shit, walked over to Jackson, and gave him a quick, light kiss on the cheek. When he didn't even move, I knew it was a good idea to just let him sleep.

I walked out and headed down the walkway toward the other rooms. I wondered whether the other guys would still be asleep, debating as to whether I should knock or just text someone. Luckily for me, Jerad was heading up the staircase, already dressed and with some sort of pastry in his hand.

"Hey. I didn't know if you'd be up already."

"I was planning on sleeping in, but my stomach woke me up. I walked to the gas station to get something to eat."

"Eww," I said, wrinkling my noise and making him laugh.

"You guys don't have anything to do until the show tonight, right?"

"Nope. We just have to be at the venue by 4:30 for set up and soundcheck."

"Good. Can you make sure everyone's showered, dressed, and at my place by two?"

"Yeah, sure. Do I wanna know why?"

"Let's just say I can't stand the fact that you have whatever that is in your hand."

Jerad threw his faux pastry in the trash by the ice machine and wrapped me in up in a really big hug.

"God bless you, my child," he fake sobbed.

I giggled as I hugged him back. I gave him the stern "I'm serious" face when I told him that I was counting on him being the responsible one and getting all of them to the house on time. He crossed his heart and gave me some supposed Boy Scout's salute before I finally just laughed and left.

As I waited for the car to warm up, I called my mom and told her that I invited the boys over to the house for a late lunch and asked if she needed anything while I was at the store. Never one to pass up an opportunity to go to a Walmart, Mom said she'd meet me at the one closest to the house.

She got there at the same time I did, and then we did some speed shopping. As we threw things into the grocery cart, she tried to be subtle about wanting to interrogate me but I told her I wasn't gonna talk to her about that. She stopped asking, but I knew she knew what the real deal was because she wouldn't stop smiling.

_Figures. Most parents want their kids to sexually behave, and my mom wants me to be a slut._

We got everything we needed in about twenty minutes, no doubt a record for the two of us, and we headed to check-out. Without saying anything, she pulled out her bank card and paid for everything. I tried to give her some cash, but she gave me the "Mom" face, the one she uses when she thinks I've said or done something stupid, and walked away from me.

We got back to the house, and mom immediately starting making the salsa for the enchiladas. The guys had eaten my enchiladas before, and I wondered if they would've wanted something different to eat so I hoped it would be okay with them. I cooked the ground beef and shredded the cheese while mom fried the tortillas. Once that was done, she started on the _arroz_ while I pulled everything out for a salad. Before I could start, she sent me upstairs to reshower and change since I was covered in flying grease and tomato sauce.

By that time, it was a little after one so I tried to hurry. I threw on some comfy clothes, knowing I'd have time to change for the concert later, and did my hair and make-up, knowing I _wouldn't_ have time for that later.

When I got downstairs, mom had everything already done. She told me to set the table while she got ready. Dad called to say he was five minutes away and was taking a late lunch to eat with us all. As soon as I got off the phone with him, my youngest brother, who was still living in Roswell, came waltzing through the door.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" I asked, hugging him.

"Mom wanted me to come home for my birthday tomorrow."

"I can't believe you're gonna be old enough to drink and gamble."

"Twenty-one years of sexiness," he smiled. "Do I smell enchiladas?"

He walked over to the oven and opened the door, taking a giant whiff.

"She knows how to make me happy," he smiled, rubbing his stomach.

"Uh, actually, that's for my boyfriend. He and the band are here, and they're having lunch with us."

Kevin walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Boyfriend, huh? So, mom wasn't lying? You're really growing up?"

"Funny. Can you behave, please?"

"No way," he laughed. "You haven't had a boyfriend in forever. I'm taking advantage of this."

Before I could beg for mercy, he ran up the stairs, screaming to my mom that he was home.

Dad came home a few minutes later, smiling like a fool, and went upstairs to meet mom. Before I could beg _him_ for mercy, the doorbell rang. Knowing it couldn't be anybody other than the boys, I yelled for them to come in.

I could hear them as they walked in, growing quiet as they entered the part of the downstairs living room that was attached to the kitchen.

"Hey," Jackson said, kissing me. "You didn't have to do this."

"Shut up. I need real food in me," Graupner said.

"I have to warn you. My dad's in a really good mood which means that he's probably going to interrogate you, and my brother showed up out of nowhere. He's going to humiliate the shit out of me."

"I think we'll survive," he laughed.

The boys made their way to sit at the table while I ran upstairs and got everyone.

"Is Raymundo going to join in on this festive occasion or what?" I grumbled.

"He'll be home later on. He had to work late," Mom said.

"Fine. Let's get this over with."

We headed back downstairs, and the boys all got quiet when Kevin and Dad took their seats. I could hear them introducing themselves as Mom and I served plates and ushered them to the table. I sat down next to Jackson, completely nervous and terrified that one or all members of my family would do something to embarrass me.

I served myself some salad while the boys wolfed down their food. Uncle Larry ate normally, making me giggle, and winked at me. Graupner was on his best behavior, telling my mom that everything was delicious and thanking her for having them over. I could see Jackson trying not to laugh out of the corner of my eye.

"Is that all you're having?" Jackson whispered to me.

"Mom doesn't believe in making food with fake meat," I shrugged.

"_De que hablas_?"

"Nothing, Mom."

I wasn't about to have an argument with her about my weight while everyone was eating.

Other than that, most of our meal was in silence. That was until Kevin spoke up, resting his fork on his plate and clasping his hands together in front of him.

"Jackson, what are your intentions with my sister?"

Jackson and I looked up at Kevin who was wearing a serious face. Jackson stuttered for a bit, trying to find an answer, and then Kevin broke out laughing.

"I'm totally screwing with you, dude."

I banged my head against the table.

Kevin's little joke was the opportunity my dad was looking for. He started launching into stories about me as a kid, about how stubborn I was and still am, about how I took shit from nobody and still don't. But then he started telling my favorite story about me from when I was a kid, and I knew everything would be okay.

"I wish you could've seen it. She's maybe four or five, and she's talking down these two huge Rottweilers while my two brothers and I are scared shitless half a block away. She put her hands on her hips and was wagging her head back and forth, telling them to chill out and leave us alone. And the dogs just stopped barking and foaming at the mouth. They finally ran off after she stared them down. She walked up to us, took my hand, and said, 'You guys are a bunch of babies. Now get me an ice cream.'"

The table broke out into laughter as I smiled and got up from my seat, going to get more drinks for the table and clearing the empty dishes.

"She's always had an attitude," I heard my dad say.

I rolled my eyes as I sat down. Jackson took my hand underneath the table and gave it a squeeze.

"Have you heard her sing?" Dad asked.

"Dad, please stop talking," I groaned.

"We have. She's great," Jerad answered.

"All of you can just stop talking right now."

"See? There's that attitude," Dad replied.

I stuck my tongue out at him as everyone laughed.

"Let's change the subject! I have presents to give out."

I shot up out of my chair and ran around the table to the still lit, fake Christmas tree. I handed a present to each of the guys, bouncing up and down. Jackson gave me a look as he took his.

"Shut up. Just open it," I glared. "Oh! And don't feel obligated to use these or anything. I just thought you guys might get a kick out of em," I said to the entire group.

Jackson sighed and started tearing into the wrapping paper. The boys all followed, and I was rewarded with huge smiles when they saw what they got. I gave Benny a pair of drumsticks with a monkey on each. One stick said "B Johnson" while the other said "Beard of Doom." Marty got a planner with a monkey holding a banana on the lower right hand corner of the cover, the word "Bananager" displayed across the middle. Uncle got a cowbell from me that had "A Monkey's Uncle" engraved on it. Jerad got a box full of personalized guitar picks. Some had a single monkey, some had "100 Monkeys" written on them, and some had "JRad." Graupner got a guitar strap with a picture of the "Family Guy" monkey on each end, "Ben G" stitched above each of the monkeys. Jackson got a gold fedora-looking hat, a guitar strap just like Graupner's but with "JAction" stitched on it, and a framed picture of his newborn nephew.

"How did you get this?" he said, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"I called to wish your parents a merry Christmas about three weeks ago. Your mom told me that Ryann had the baby. I thought you might want to have a picture of him since you haven't been able to actually see him, yet. Your mom emailed me this, and I had it developed."

He stared at the picture for a bit and then finally looked up and smiled at me. He hugged and kissed me, making me totally forget that my parents were still in the room.

"He's gonna cry."

Jackson and I pulled apart and looked over at Graupner.

"No, I'm not."

"I had to say something. I was afraid you might start mauling her with actual adults in the room," he smiled.

Jackson laughed nervously and then sheepishly looked at my parents. They were both trying not to smile.

"Okay. So, I guess it's my turn," he said. "I'll be right back."

He walked out of the house, leaving me confused where I was standing. The boys each came up and hugged me, thanking me for their gifts, while he was gone. When Jackson came back in, he handed me a small, thin something or another covered in penguin wrapping paper.

"I told you I didn't want any Christmas presents," I huffed.

"I didn't spend a dime on this. I swear," he shot back. "Now open it."

"Wait," Jerad said.

He put down his present, and then I watched as he and Graupner put their hands over their ears.

"Okay. It's safe now," Graupner said.

"Just a wee bit dramatic there?" I smiled.

I looked down at my present and sighed, a little upset that Jackson would get me something when I told him I didn't want anything from him. It helped a little when he said that he hadn't spent any money on it. And then I wondered what he could've gotten me that didn't cost anything.

"Quit thinking about it, and just open it," he laughed. "I'm pretty sure you'll love it."

I slowly tore open the wrapping paper, revealing a CD case. When I turned it over and realized what it _really_ was, I screamed my head off. And then I started jumping up and down. And then I jumped on Jackson.

"Are you kidding me? I can't believe this!"

In my hands was an autographed copy of _The Village_ soundtrack signed by Mr. James Newton Howard himself.

"How did you do this?"

"I called in a favor. I do have connections, you know."

"Oh, holy shit. I mean, I knew but I just hadn't made the connection in my head."

I briefly thought about the fact that I had gushed over M Night when Jackson and I had first met. I cleared my head of the idea, not wanting to wig out at the prospect of Jackson possibly having said something. I did _not_ need to know that M Night Shyamalan knew that I thought he was brilliant and awesome and totally cute. And I didn't need to think about the fact that Jackson probably asked him directly if he could get my favorite score composer ever to autograph that for me.

"Holy shit. My boyfriend knows M Night," I whispered.

I showed the CD to my parents. They smiled even though they didn't really have any idea why I'd freaked out like I did. They didn't know score composer names or soundtracks, but they did know that I love scores. Kevin was the only one to realize just what a big deal it was for me.

"We wanted to get you something, but Jackson said you would've killed us all if we had," Benny threw in.

"This is true."

"So, Graupner thought of something but it didn't actually end up working out."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, looking at Graupner.

"I wanted us to learn how to play 'Iris' for you," he said. "But it's far more complicated than I realized. You'll just have to settle for our dirty, smelly selves."

I gave Graupner a puppy dog look, thinking about how sweet it was that he would think to do something like that, and then I crushed him in a hug.

"You're gonna make a wonderful husband for me."

"I know. I'm kind of adorable that way."

"Get your filthy hands off of her," Jackson said as he pulled us apart.

The seven us got into a fake argument before my dad announced that he had to get back to work. The boys shook his hand and thanked him for having them.

"You guys be safe out there. She worries a lot. When she worries, she gets grouchy."

"Didn't I tell you to stop talking about ten minutes ago?" I grumbled.

"See?"

I pretended to kick him in his ass before he finally skedaddled out the front door. Kevin said he was gonna head over to pick up one of our cousins and then head to the mall. He left without making a big deal about Jackson.

_Thank God._

The boys still had some time before they wanted to leave the house to head to the venue, so they sat in the living room and watched TV. I started cleaning the kitchen, not wanting to get into a fight with my mom about the mess while the boys were still around. Jerad and Jackson got up to help me after Graupner decided to hog the remote control.

"We have to leave soon. Shouldn't you go and change?" Jackson asked as he handed me a dish.

"I have a few hours."

"You're not leaving with us?" Jerad asked.

"The show doesn't start til seven. There's no reason for me to leave now. I don't wanna wait in line all that time," I laughed.

"When are you going to get off this waiting in line thing?"

"Never. Besides, one of my cousins is going with me and her ticket is under my name."

"You bought tickets? I told you that I'd put you on a list."

"I don't wanna fight about this, Jackson. You know how I feel about that," I mumbled.

"Well, have you given any thought about going to the Dallas show?"

After Christmas, Jackson mentioned that his parents, Ryann, and her baby would be at the Dallas show. He said he wanted me to go, but I told him that I didn't have the money for it. After the Christmas presents, there was no way I could make it.

"I told you. I don't have the money. I want to, but I just can't. And please don't fight with me about this. It's not how I wanna spend my last quiet hours with you."

For the next few minutes, we were silent as he rinsed off the dishes and I placed them in the dishwasher. Jerad had been the only one around to hear our convo, but he wasn't saying anything. He kept throwing me small smiles whenever I'd catch his eye. The guys in the living room were still fighting with Graupner over the remote, so I was pretty sure they hadn't heard anything.

As soon as we had the kitchen clean, the boys needed to take off. I made them all give me hugs then, knowing that I'd have no personal time with them before, during, or after the show. They needed to leave for Dallas right after.

As soon as I had hugged and thanked them all, the boys left, leaving Jackson and I alone.

I stood on the bottom step of the stairs so I could be eye-level with him. He hugged me around the waist while I choked the life out him.

"I really wish you'd reconsider Dallas."

"Don't pick a fight, J. Just hug me," I mumbled into his neck.

He pulled back and kissed me quickly.

"I don't care. I want you there, and it's just gas money. You drive there, see my parents, meet Ryann and the baby, and then drive back the next day. It wouldn't be a huge deal."

"But it would for me. I don't want your money. I'm not in this for your money. I'm in this for you. I can put that on a tape and loop it over and over again until you get the point."

He sighed. I sighed right back, making him laugh. I went back to hugging him, trying to lighten the situation. I didn't want to leave things on such a downer.

"Alright. Plant one on my kisser. You have to go."

And he did. It took me a while to pull away, but I knew I had to since the guys were still sitting outside in the car, waiting on him. I walked him to the door, gave him another kiss, and then closed the door before I could see them drive away.

I walked back into the house and immediately ran up the stairs, smacking right into my mom. I didn't want her to see me cry, so I apologized and hopped back into my third shower of the day.

I took my time getting ready for the show, texting my cousin to make sure she would be ready by 5:30. I headed downstairs to snack on some salad while I waited until it was time to pick her up. Dad walked in with Raymundo a few minutes before I was set to leave.

"Can I talk to you upstairs?" he said, raising his eyebrow at me.

"Uh, sure."

I made a face at Raymundo, silently asking him what was going on since Dad never asked to speak to me in that way unless I was in trouble, but he just shook his head and gestured to the stairs.

I walked into my parents' room and sat on the bed, watching as Mom walked out of the bathroom and Dad put his work shoes in the closet.

"I deposited $250 into your bank account. I'm taking your Mom to and from work so that you can take her car. Raymundo will make sure Minnie's had her meds, and he'll pick up Sam from the concert so you can follow behind the band from there. Keep your phone with you at all times. You've never driven this far by yourself before."

"Whoa! Wait a minute! What are you talking about?"

"Dallas. You're going. Go pack an overnight bag."

I started to argue with him, but Mom pushed me out of her room and dragged me into mine. She grabbed a duffle and plugged in my phone to charge it.

"_No voy a ir._"

"_No empiezes, Iris. Tu papa ya te dio el dinero. Y ten mucho quidado con mi carro, por favor._ _Apurate. Sam te esta esperando._"

"Mom, I don't want the money."

"Listen to me," she said in her heavy accent. "Go. Your dad won some extra money at the casino last weekend, so it's not a big deal. I know you want to go, and I would rather you get another couple of days with Jackson instead of having you here, walking around in a bad mood."

"Was I that bad?"

"Your _abuelita_ was two seconds away from taking you to her priest to have an exorcism," she smiled.

"Are you sure? The money and the car? Are you sure it's okay?" I asked.

"_Vete._"

That was all it took for me to get my shit in gear. I threw a couple of outfits into my bag, grabbed a pair of shoes, changes of underthings, my make-up, and any other little thing I would need. I called Sam to tell her I was running a bit late, grabbed the leftover enchiladas, and threw everything in the car. I spent a good amount of time hugging and thanking my parents before Raymundo yelled that our touching moment was ruining his ability to watch the flatscreen.

_I'm going to Dallas! – Iris_

_You serious? – J Action_

_Long story. I'll explain later. But I'm going. – Iris_

I drove to Sam's to pick her up, and then we made our way to The Launchpad. There weren't very many people in line so we were pretty close to the front. We only had to wait about half an hour before they started letting us all in.

Sam and I talked a little while we waited for the opening band. She had no idea about my relationship with Jackson, and I wanted to keep it that way. She may have been one of the more chill members of the family, but I didn't want more people to know if they didn't have to.

The opening band, Asper Kourt, came on, did their thing, making little jokes about Jackson as Jasper, and left the stage. Overall, they were pretty good. Sam liked them enough to buy their CD from the merch table.

I looked around the venue, wondering where the hell everyone was. Even though the place was tiny, there were only twenty or thirty people there. It wasn't the Monkeys crowd I was used to.

By the time the boys took the stage, the place was only half-full. I felt horrible for them, wondering if they took this as a negative sign. If they did, though, they didn't show it.

They went all out. They jumped around, told silly and lame jokes, but what really killed me was that they were using their Christmas presents. Jackson was even wearing the hat I gave him. They gave that show everything they had and then some, not letting the small crowd bring them down in any way.

They had some fun with the crowd and discussed the difference between the red and green _chile_ of New Mexico and later got a little raunchy with their improv song, "Spandex Banana Hammocks." Jackson hammed it up, talking about how it was supposed to be an all ages show, and whomever posted the video on YouTube would have to apologize to his mom for him.

Marty came over and danced with Sam and I, along with other peeps in the crowd, while he was in his banana suit.

As soon as the show was over, the guys hurried off the stage. Security escorted them outside, and I followed, pulling Sam along with me. As promised, Raymundo was waiting in his truck across the street. I told Sam that I had something to do, and Raymundo would be taking her home. She didn't question it, so she thanked me for taking her to the show and climbed in Raymundo's truck. He gave me a quick wave and then left the area.

As I was hurrying back to my car, Jackson called.

"Is there somewhere nearby that we can get something to eat?"

"There's a Whataburger about two blocks from here."

"Okay. We'll follow you there."

I got in my car, drove over to where the van and trailer were, and then drove off, making sure that they were behind me. We stopped at the Whataburger, got food to go, and we left. Jackson rode shotgun in my car while Jerad stretched out as much as he could in the backseat and passed out.

Even though it was late, I wasn't tired. Jackson and I talked while I followed behind the van. I told him about what happened with my parents, and he figured that my mom had probably heard us talking while we were on the stairs. However it happened, I was actually really happy that it did.

Jackson fell asleep around 1am, and Jerad was cuddled up with blankets in the backseat, but I was still more than wired. Marty called me around 4am to let me know that he was going to pull into a gas station to stretch and get something to drink. The boys didn't wake when we stopped, and Marty said that Uncle, Benny, and Graupner were pretty much in a coma. Marty grabbed a coffee while I smoked a couple of cigs, mindful that Mom hated my smoking and there was no way I was going to do that while in her car. We filled up and then headed out.

Jerad woke up as we were pulling out of the gas station. He asked what time it was, where we were, and then went right back to sleep.

The boys woke up around 9am, but we still had a few hours to go before we hit Dallas. Marty didn't want to stop so we drove through breakfast time. I munched on Doritos while Jackson and Jerad ate the leftover, cold enchiladas I packed. They made me promise not to tell Graupner that I had even brought them in the first place.

We got into Dallas around noon, and that was when my lack of sleep really started to hit me. We got to the hotel, unloaded the cars, and then Marty and I passed the fuck out for a few hours before the show. I woke up later with enough time to shower, change, and then head over with the guys to the venue. I had no choice but to since I didn't have tickets for the show, and Jackson's family was going to be backstage before it actually started.

There was a lot of waiting around after we got to the venue. I was left alone for a bit while the guys did what they had to for soundcheck. I was sitting on a couch in the back when I heard a baby crying, and I immediately knew that his family had arrived. Sure enough, Papa Rathbone and Randee came through the door a couple of minutes later. They were surprised to see me, I guess Jackson hadn't told them anything, and hugged me. I gave them the brief version of the story about how I ended up in Dallas.

Jackson came in as I was finishing my story. He was leading Ryann into the room as he carried her baby.

I. Fucking. Melted.

"Ryann, this is Iris. Baby Girl, this is my sister. And _this_ is my nephew, Jonah."

I smiled at Ryann and then gave her a small hug. Jonah started wailing at that point, and Jackson's eyes started freaking out.

"What'd I do?" he asked in a panic.

"I think he needs to be changed," Ryann said.

She grabbed Jonah and placed him on a blanket on the couch. I knelt down next to him and told her how beautiful he was. I was all googoo and gaga while she changed him.

"Do you wanna hold him?"

"Is that okay with you?" I asked, trying not to sound so hopeful.

"Are you kidding? It'd give me a break."

I picked him up, being so fucking careful, and cradled him in my arms. I bounced him around a little and let him grab onto my pinky. Five minutes later, he was sleeping.

"I told you. She's like a baby whisperer."

"Huh?" I asked quietly, wondering what the hell Jackson was talking about.

"I've never gotten him to sleep that fast," Ryann explained.

"He was probably just really tired."

I sat on the couch with Jonah still sleeping in my arms while I talked a little bit more with Ryann and Jackson's parents. I told them about going back to New York, Ryann relayed the horrifying experience of driving to Dallas with the baby, and Papa Rathbone and Randee talked about Brit and Kelly.

The boys popped their heads in real quick, signaling to Jackson that they needed to hit the stage.

"I gotta get going," Jackson said as he stood up.

We all stood up from our seated positions.

"You guys have fun," Ryann said.

She stepped over to me and started taking Jonah out of my arms.

"You're not gonna see the show?" I asked.

"Someone's gotta watch the little one," she laughed. "And I can hear the music from here."

I looked at her, then at Jonah, and finally at Jackson. He could tell by the look in my eyes what I was thinking.

"If you wanna party, I'll stay with him. If you're okay with that, of course. You don't know me from a ham sandwich so leaving your baby with me probably isn't what you had in mind."

"Give her Jonah before she freaks out even more," Jackson said, making everyone laugh.

"Are you sure?" she asked, handing over the baby.

"I'm sure. I saw them play last night anyways. They're not that great," I snickered.

Ryann showed me where everything was in the diaper bag and then walked out with her parents.

"We're gonna have our own little party, aren't we?" I cooed to a still-sleeping Jonah. "Oh, yes, we are. Yes, we are."

"You look good like that. With a baby in your arms, I mean."

"All Mexicans look good with babies in their arms," I joked.

"I could get used to seeing you like this," he mumbled.

I stared at Jonah for a beat, taking in the fact that this was the first time Jackson had said anything about being with me in a more permanent way. I never allowed myself to think about if we were going to last. I was too focused on staying in the moment to let myself worry about more than the upcoming months. But the thought of _not_ being with him broke me. I had just gone six weeks without him, and I could barely deal with that. I knew it would be months before I would see him again after Dallas, but I hadn't processed the thought yet.

"Because getting stuck with a baby and a baby mama wouldn't put a damper on your touring or filming," I snorted, trying to make light of things.

"I'm not saying anything about now. It's just… You look good holding a baby boy."

He walked over, gave me a kiss, looked at Jonah, and then walked out the door.

I was going to sit and analyze what Jackson had just said, but Jonah started crying. I bounced him around for a bit but then realized that he needed a new diaper. After his stinky diaper was thrown out, I put him in some comfier clothes, and then walked around with him cradled against my chest. I bounced him softly while I sang along to the music the Monkeys were playing. The show went on long enough that I had to feed him, as well, but by the time the show was over and Jackson's family came back, he was out like a light.

"Did he behave?" Ryann asked as she checked on him.

"Perfect angel. He's got a fresh diaper, I put him in his PJs, and I just fed and burped him. He should be out for a couple of hours."

"Do you have kids?" she asked.

I could tell she wasn't trying to sound intrusive or rude.

"No," I laughed. "I just love the babies."

The boys came in just as Ryann had gotten Jonah bundled up to leave. They were all sweaty and noisy, but I was happy that I had been shoved into making the drive to see them again.

Since they didn't have to leave Dallas until the next morning, everyone headed out to get something to eat at a Denny's close to the hotel. We were loud and obnoxious, but we were having fun and that was all that mattered to me. I'm pretty sure the staff was happy to see us finally go.

Jackson and I were up for a couple of hours after that doing grown adult and naughty things to one another. If it wasn't for the fact that I was running on fumes, I probably would've tried to go for an all night sexcapade party. But between not sleeping and that sleepy feeling you get after cumming, I couldn't keep my eyes awake and passed out.

The next morning, everyone was up, showered, and ready to go pretty early. Everyone was going their own separate way, and each group was doing what needed to be done, whether it was grabbing snacks for the road or finding nearby gas stations.

Ryann had to take off first, though I didn't make it easy for her since I was trying to abduct her kid. She let me put him in his car seat and play with him for a few minutes until Jackson had to physically pull me away. The boys had to leave next, so I hugged and loved and kissed them until I thought I was going to cry. Jackson held on to me for a while, whispering in my ear that everything was going to be okay.

"Remember, phone calls and emails. And let's actually try for the phone sex this time," he whispered, laughing a little.

"I was _so_ not going to have phone sex with you while my parents were in the house."

"Thank God you go back to New York in a week."

I hugged him even tighter.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Be safe on the road. And try not to drive Marty crazy since he's the one actually behind the wheel, okay?"

"Call me when you get back to Albuquerque."

He pulled away, gave me a quick kiss, and then ran to the van. I watched him get in, and then I waved as they all drove off. Since his parents were still around, I did my best not to cry.

"Oh, sweetie," Randee lightly laughed as she walked over to me, putting her arm around my shoulder.

"I'm just being a baby. Six weeks was hard enough. I don't know how I'll deal with three months."

"Three months?"

"My birthday in April. I think that's the next time I'll be able to see him," I mumbled, sighing dramatically after. "I know it's different, but how do _you_ do it?"

"It's never easy for me to see him leave. But he's my baby boy. Nothing will ever change that," she smiled.

"I wish I had that confidence."

"He," Papa Rathbone said, pointing in the direction of where the van drove off in, "loves you. That much is clear, and I don't think that'll change."

"You think so?"

"He went as far as trying to get me to call your parents so that they could make you join us here," he laughed.

I giggled a little, which turned into full blown laughter. Papa Rathbone and Randee laughed along with me, helping to pull me out of my funk.

"Call us if you need anything. Whether it's just to talk or to hear stories about him as a kid, call. Okay?" he asked.

"Okay."

We hugged before we headed back to our cars and set off in different directions. After I stopped at a gas station and was pumping gas, I texted Jackson.

_In case I don't say it enough, I love you. – Iris_

_You say it all the time, Baby Girl. It never gets old, though. And I love you, too. – J Action_

_I love you more! – Graupner_

I cackled at G's text, making the dude at the next pump poke his head around to look at me. Between Graupner's hilarity, Jackson's parents, and my love for their son, I realized that the next three months might not be as bad as I was thinking they might be.

_Bone busted my lip when I told him you and I are going to elope in the near future. – Graupner_

I giggled again.

_Yeah. I'm going to be fine._

* * *

_**Si no dejas de tocar esa cancion, voy a quebrar esa computadora! - If you don't stop playing that song, I'm going to break that computer!**_

_**Te dejo, entonces**_** - **_**I'll leave you, then**_

_**Vajate! - Get down!**_

_**Mi novio - My boyfriend**_

_**Si? - Yes?**_

_**Ay otro? Quien es Marty? - There's another one? Who's Marty?**_

_**Vas a ir? - Are you going?**_

_**Me prestas tu carro? - Will you let me borrow your car?**_

_**Porque lo necesitas? - Why do you need it?**_

_**No puedo dejar que me traiga en la manana solamente para regresar a su hotel. Por favor? - I can't let him bring me back in the morning only to go all the way back to the hotel. Please?**_

_**Te vas a quedar alli? - Are you going to stay there?**_

_**No comprendo – I don't understand**_

_**De que hablas? – What are you talking about?**_

_**No voy a ir – I'm not going**_

_**No empiezes, Iris. Tu papa ya te dio el dinero. Y ten mucho quidado con mi carro, por . Sam te esta esperando.**_** – **_**Don't start, Iris. Your dad already gave you the money. And be really careful with the car, please. Hurry up. Sam's waiting on you.**_

_**Abuelita – Grandmother**_

_**Vete – Go**_

**Reviews are like seeing Jackson holding a baby: They make me melt and turn my brain to mush.**


	28. Don't Forget About Us

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**No translations.  
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**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / hHrN2l  
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**Warning: drug use.  
**

* * *

I had never been so happy to get my ass back to New York. I needed the subways that smelled like piss. I needed the accents. I needed the people shoving you to the side if you got in their way.

I needed home.

I got back into the city in the middle of a badass snowstorm. It was awesome. I barely even cared that my apartment didn't have that great of a heating system. It was old. But I was home, and that was all I gave a shit about.

The subletter had left a few days before I arrived. I had already planned on spending an entire day cleaning when I got back, but she left the room in the exact same shape I had left it in. Meara said that she had even taken the DVDs I had shipped back and alphabetized them for me before putting them on the bookshelves. She did, however, leave "The Elite" DVDs in the box. I guess Meara had told her that those weren't to be touched. It made me giggle.

I spent the first couple of days back getting situated. Meara and I ordered take-out on my first night back, and we sat in our living room with Bastian. She told me about what I had missed out while I was gone, and I talked to her about Vancouver, Jackson, the crew, and the emo that was Albuquerque. Our reunion ended when Matt stopped by to surprise her around 10pm. He surprised me, too, because he brought me a banana nut pound cake from the corner store as a welcome home gift. It was awesome.

The next day, I headed to Midtown to have lunch with some of the Dream Team. Everyone but Mel and I shoved food in their mouths as they only had so much time for lunch before they had to get back to their offices. Mel was too laid back to not take in the amazingness that was her chickpea salad. She was always just a little too cool for school. Meg and I made plans for everyone to visit our favorite bar around the corner from their apartment building that weekend.

I met Suzy outside of her classroom at 6pm when she was done with the after school portion. We laughed as we tried to not break our asses on the icy sidewalks, and then she yelled at me for making her wait outside while I had a cig. She bitched and moaned, but I knew she secretly loved it. It was her way of saying she missed me and was glad to have me back without actually having to say it. We hurried in, made dinner, and then she forced me to watch _Jersey Shore_. I'm pretty sure I lost a few thousand brain cells. Before I left, we made plans to have one of our Sundays that weekend.

The following day was the day of my interview. It was scheduled for 11am, so I made sure to be up pretty early. I showered, got dressed in a snazzy professional-looking outfit, and then left the apartment at 10am. I got into Midtown half an hour later. I tried to calm my nerves as I walked from the subway to the building, but since I refused to have a cig and end up smelling like smoke, I was pretty much wigging out.

As it turned out, I had no reason to be nervous. The attorney I met with, Sheila King, ended up being a former student of one of my Criminal Justice professors at school. She was in her late 30s but had done extremely well for herself. It was only a two-person firm, but they basically needed someone who could help them run the office. She and I talked for a bit before she hired me on the spot. I had gone from wigging out to really giddy in the matter of an hour. She introduced me to the other attorney, Michael Morris, a guy in his mid-40s who was all business but very nice, and then showed me around the office. She introduced me to the other firm they shared the floor with, telling me to stay on their paralegals' good sides since my desk would be out on the open floor with theirs, and then we went back into her office. We talked about a salary, benefits, blah blah blah, and then sent me on my way.

"So, just like that? She hired you on the spot?" Mel asked as she took a bite of her salad.

"Yep. I start on Monday."

"What's your pay?" Meg asked.

"About twenty-eight thousand a year. It's not much, but it'll pay the bills and I'll have some experience before I start law school."

Just then, Mariah started singing through my phone.

"That's Jackson. I'll let you guys finish your lunch."

I answered my phone, left the crew at their table, and then walked out.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"I got the job!" I squeed. "I start on Monday."

"I'm so happy for you, Baby Girl. Does this mean you get to be my sugar mama now?" he laughed.

"Whatever you say, Mr. Hollywood," I giggled. "How's the road?"

"Ben's feet smell."

"Don't you let him lie to you, my wife. My feet smell like roses!" I heard Graupner yell.

"If roses smell like dead fish, then you'd be right," Jackson answered back.

And then I heard some scuffling. I waited until the boys stopped their wrestling match while I smoked a cig outside the entry to Grand Central Station.

"Iris?" Jackson panted into the phone after a few minutes.

"I'm still here."

"He was trying to twist my nipple," he mumbled.

"Lemme talk to him," I demanded.

"Hello, my love," Graupner said in a deep voice. "I miss you."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Listen, hands off the merchandise. I'd like him in one piece without any bruises or missing balls or deformed nipples."

"But–"

"Please? I need you to take care of him for me, not mangle him."

"He started it!"

"Did he really, or are you just saying that?" I asked.

"Both?"

"Alright. I'll accept that," I laughed. "How are you guys doing out there?"

"We're good. The crowds are awesome. They haven't come up with anything funnier than 'Spandex Banana Hammocks,' though."

"It'll never happen," I sighed, reliving the memory. "Are you getting enough sleep and good food to eat?"

"Yes and yes. Wait. By good food, do you mean good for us? Because it's been all road food."

"It's a good thing you're all so young and lively. I'm worried about your arteries."

"She's worried about our arteries," he announced.

That earned me a round of "Awww" from the occupants of the ghetto rapist van. There was some more shuffling, and then I heard Jackson's voice back on the line.

"I miss you," he whispered.

"I miss you, too. Why are you whispering?" I whispered back.

"Marty told me that he would shoot me in the foot the next he heard me say I missed you. He's glaring at me through the rearview mirror right now, actually."

"You miss me enough to talk about me?" I asked.

"I talk about you regardless," he admitted. "Lately, it's just been with a lot of whining. That's what Marty says anyway."

I snorted, laughed, and then cackled.

"You're really fucking adorable. You know that?"

"I have a pretty good idea," he said, probably sporting a smirk.

"Go back to the boys. I have to get on a train. I'll talk to you soon?"

"You got it. Love you."

"Like you," I giggled.

"Iris, behave."

"What would the fun in that be? Besides," I continued, dropping my voice. "I thought you liked it when I didn't behave."

"Oh, fuck me."

"Exactly my point. Gotta go now. Bye!"

I hung up the phone before he could respond. Five seconds later, it rang.

"You can't just say shit like that to me. I don't wanna sport wood in a van full of dudes," he grumbled.

"Write a song about it," I laughed. "If you get a chance later tonight, call me back and we'll take care of the problem together."

"Phone sex?" he asked, making me laugh at the sound of hope in his voice.

"Yeah. Meara's staying over at Matt's, so I have the apartment to myself. I can get all sorts of vocal."

We had yet to do the phone sex thing, so I was a little nervous even just talking about it. I didn't know exactly how I felt about it, but he was so eager for us to try it out. I guess in his own little horndog way, it was his way of telling me that he missed me.

"Fuck, yes. I'll call you tonight after the show. It'll be late, though."

"Doesn't matter. My lady bits shall be waiting," I laughed. "Okay. I really have to go now. Be safe out there. Talk to you tonight."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

The phone sex took place at 2:24am later that night. And it was _good_.

My first week of work was crazy, but I expected it to be that way. It took me a couple of days to get the hang of things, but I was determined to do a kick ass job. I took notes throughout the day and brought them home with me so that I could study. By the middle of the second week, I was doing alright for myself.

I was getting into a rhythm of getting up, going to work, having lunch with Mel and the gang, coming home, and then alternating between having Suzy over at my place or going over to hers. Meara and I would have dinner a few times a week together. Sometimes Matt would join us. A lot of the time was spent studying for the LSATs. I gave myself a good four months to study before I even attempted to take the test. Jackson and I would talk on the phone any chance we could. It wasn't very often, because he was either at a show, sleeping, or traveling and couldn't get any service.

Things were normal. I was missing Jackson, of course, but we made do. The phone sex came in handy.

February. It came out of nowhere. I called Graupner to wish him a happy birthday, but he was so drunk, I doubted he even remembered that we talked. I knew Taylor was probably busy pumping iron or saving the world or something, so I opted to just text him.

_Happy birthday! You're legal now. Know what that means? TwiMoms can officially chase after you. Be safe! – Iris_

Valentine's Day. I tried not to get my hopes up about it. I had always hated the day. It was really sickening and vomit-inducing to see happy, lovey-dovey couples with their roses and cute cards and stuffed animals. But I was now one of those happy couples. Sure, Jackson wasn't around to celebrate it, but I had a boyfriend who loved me. That was enough for me.

As it turned out, he didn't even so much as call me at all that day so I decided to get back at him for it on the next.

"Hey."

"Hi," he grumbled.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just really tired."

"Oh. Well, I guess I can't tell you what I need to tell to you, then."

"No. Tell me. What's up?"

"Um, you're not driving right now, are you?"

"No..."

"Okay. Well, um... I don't even know how to say this," I said, my voice shaky.

"Iris, what is it?" he asked, slight panic in his voice.

"I'm... I'm pregnant."

Silence.

More silence.

"Jackson?"

"You're pregnant?" he whispered. "Are you sure?"

"I just got back from the doctor. Blood work came out positive."

"Are you feeling okay?"

Despite wanting to burst out into wild, hysterical laughter, I was touched that he was worried.

"Yeah. No morning sickness or anything yet."

Silence.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, suppressing a snicker.

"I don't know."

"I have more news."

"More?"

"Yeah."

"You ready?"

"Probably not."

"Well," I began, clearing my throat. "The sonogram shows I'm having twins. Each baby has three heads and four legs. They already have hair like Don King."

"Wait. What?"

"To be honest, I'm not even sure they're yours. I slept with a cyclops after I saw you last."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about completely not calling me on Valentine's Day, you jerk," I laughed. "I can't believe you forgot."

"Hold up. You're not really pregnant?" he yelled.

"Iris is pregnant?" I heard Benny say.

"You knocked up my wife?" Graupner yelled.

"She's not pregnant," he told them. "She thought it'd be funny to scare the shit out of me."

"What happened to wanting babies and a baby mama?" I teased.

"Later. I want them _later_. Much later. Years down the line later."

He sighed and then laughed a little.

"Don King hair? Really?"

"I rolled with it," I shrugged.

"Did I really miss Valentine's Day?" he mumbled.

"You missed Valentine's Day?" I heard Jerad say. "Oooh. You're gonna be in the doghouse."

"No, I'm not," Jackson laughed. "Wait. Am I, Baby Girl? Because you know that I love you and being on the road is hectic and I forget–"

"Yo! Slow your roll, dude. You're not in the doghouse. I think the pregnancy scare was bad enough."

He went on to apologize over and over again. I told him it really wasn't a big deal, that I was just using his forgetfulness to screw with him. I guess it worked, because two days later, there was a bouquet of daisies with a card attached delivered to my office.

_No babies, yet, but I definitely love practicing with you. I love you, I miss you, and I'm sorry. - Your Idiot_

The second half of the month was a rollercoaster. I threw myself into my work, wanting to do a good job and prove that the bosses had done the right thing by hiring me. Jackson and I would talk when we could. Some days, things were okay. Other days, I felt like crawling under the covers and crying because I missed him so much. I actually got to speak with Ashley for a bit on her birthday, but as I figured, it didn't last long. She had things to do and a party to attend. And then I got a surprising phone call a few days after that.

"Hello, hello."

"Rob?"

"What are you up to?"

"Not much. Is everything okay? Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because I haven't heard from you since the premiere."

"Sorry about that. I've been back and forth with the holidays and the new film."

"Stop apologizing. I just like giving you shit. What's up?"

"Have you heard about the premiere?"

It had just been announced that the premiere for _Remember Me_ would be held in New York. Everybody and their goldfish on Twitter were freaking out, especially the locals. The girls were probably out buying thongs just to throw them at Rob.

"Yeppers."

"I just wanted to make sure you knew. I can't see you because of my schedule, but I didn't want you to kill me if I was in the area and didn't at least call."

"You know me so well," I laughed.

"I am getting you a little present, though. I'll email it to you."

"What is it?"

"It's the score for the film."

"Really?" I squeed.

"Yeah," he laughed.

I heard someone talking to him, letting him know that he had something to do, though I couldn't make out what it was.

"I'll let you go. But I can't wait to see the movie. And do something fangirlish with Emilie for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Tell her I loved to hate her on _Roswell_."

He laughed, making me roll my eyes.

"Shut up. I love that show."

March. I spent the first few days watching the band's videos from their shows and going over the pictures of the _Remember Me_ premiere. I was really happy to see that Kristen was able to go, surprising the hell out of everyone.

Later on in the month, I called Kellan to wish him a happy birthday and I actually got to talk to him for a while. He was keeping busy with photoshoots and filming and being adorable. It was nice to hear from him after all the time that had passed, and he _really_ got a kick out of the Valentine's prank I pulled on Jackson.

Work was going strong, and I was happy to know that the bosses were happy with my work. I was still having my lunches with the Dream Team, spending weekends with Suzy, and talking to Jackson as much as his schedule would allow. I was also studying my ass off for the LSATs, but Sheila said that I was doing pretty well and that she didn't expect me to do anything other than great on the test.

I spent the end of the month prepping for Mariah's birthday. As always, I had a party for her, not surprising anybody who knew me. The party itself was pretty mild. It was just Meara, Matt, Suzy, Juanita, and I. We drank, ate cake, and played Dance Dance Revolution on Meara's X-Box. Of course, the apartment was covered in streamers and balloons. Bastian was having a blast chasing them around. Jackson called me that day to wish Mariah a happy birthday, too. It made me laugh and all cuddly on the inside that he would do something so silly just to make me happy.

After the party, Meara and Matt took off to his place in Jersey, and Juanita headed out because she lived in Westchester and had to take the train. Suzy and I ended up in my room, a bottle of vodka on my desk, and a bowl of weed in our hands. After we were thoroughly fucked up, we hoovered a bag of Doritos, smoked half a pack of cigs out on the balcony, ate more cake, and then settled in my room again.

Suzy was laying across my bed, playing with her hair, when I shot up out of my seated position on the floor and went to my comp. I had an overwhelming urge to see my man just then. As I cued up the videos, Suzy ran to the kitchen and grabbed a chair, dragging it back to the room and making all sorts of noise. She sat down next to me and we went through a bunch of videos from the boys' shows, starting all the way back to December.

"Wow."

"I know, right?" I smiled.

"That's not what I'm talking about. Jackson's, I don't know... Don't hit me when I say this."

"Uh, okay."

"Is it just me, or has he gotten… cocky?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at the videos from when the tour first started, and look at them now. He's gotten cocky. And he's really flirty."

"You think so?" I asked, going back to the latest batch of videos.

Going through them, I realized that she was right. The earlier videos showed him performing like I had known him to. The further the videos went on in date, the more his stage act seemed to change. I knew it wasn't something that the band was doing as a whole, because everyone else was acting the same as always. Jackson, though...

"Hey!"

I focused on Suzy's voice and realized she was snapping her fingers in my face.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Zoned out."

I went back to the videos and took in how Jackson was swaggering all over the place, how he was blatantly making sex eyes at people in the audience, and how he was just generally acting different than how I'd remembered him on stage.

"What do you think that's all about?" I asked, mainly to myself but hoping Suzy had an answer.

"Who knows? He's probably just sexually frustrated," she snorted. "It's been what? Almost three months? You don't see him for another couple of weeks. His dick's probably trying to sniff you out or something."

"That's not a visual I needed, but thanks," I laughed. "Maybe he's just gotten comfortable. He's in a groove now or something."

And then it hit me just how different his phone calls had been lately. He usually called me right after a show, drunk as a skunk, and horny as hell. At first, I thought it was adorable and didn't mind the 2am phone calls, but then I was starting to suffer the lack of sleep at work. I didn't say anything to him about it. To be honest, I loved the fact that he called me when he needed to get off. It made me feel wanted. And the shit he would say? Oh, wow... The boy could work for a 976 number and rake in millions.

"Hmmm," Suzy replied.

We went back to my bed and just lied there, staring at the ceiling.

"You think Mariah knows you have these parties for her?" she asked out of nowhere.

"I like to think she does," I laughed.

"You're such a weirdo."

The next day, Jackson called me to see how the party went.

"Everything went pretty normal until the male strippers showed up. Then it was just a free for all."

"One of these days, you're going to give me a heart attack."

"How about a little lovin?" I teased. "Less than two weeks."

"Your birthday trip's still on, right?"

"Yep."

"Lemme grab a pen... Okay. Give me the info."

"There's nothing to write down, really. Juanita's gonna drive Suzy and I up to Cambridge on Saturday. We'll be there for the show, and then we'll take off in the morning."

"Hold on. I'm just writing myself a reminder to get a separate room for us."

"Jackson, don't–"

"Don't you dare tell me to not get a room. Do you realize how long it's been since I've seen you? I need to be alone with you. If you wanna get serious, my dick misses you."

"Just your dick? Should I only send my hooha?" I laughed.

"Shut up. You know what I mean," he chuckled. "Is there any chance you can stick around on Sunday, too? We don't have a show, and I wanna be able to spend as much time with you as possible."

"I'll have to check with the girls and see what their schedules are, but I don't think it'll be a problem."

"Okay."

"I gotta run. I'll give you a call soon."

"Alrighty then. Be safe. Love you like a fat kid loves cake."

"Love you, too, Baby Girl," he chuckled.

The next two weeks went by in a blur. There was a big case at work that both lawyers were working on, and they decided to bring me in on it since they needed an interpreter. It was completely awesome yet totally fucking scary being the interpreter in a case that involved the FBI. But it earned me a raise, so I was seriously giddy over that.

As far as work went, besides the big case, everything was going really well. I got along great with everyone in the office, and I was learning a shitload of stuff about the legal system and how it _really _worked. Not only that, Sheila was helping me study for the LSATs. She would stay after work with me for an hour or so some days to go over certain things she felt I needed to concentrate on. It was a big fucking help, and I knew I had gotten unbelievably lucky in having her as a boss.

Before I knew it, it was the day before my birthday party. As I was shooting Kristen a birthday text, even though I knew she was off in some country with Rob while he shot a movie, I realized that I hadn't talked to Jackson since the day we talked about my trip up to Cambridge. In fact, I hadn't talked to any of the guys. I usually got a phone call from Graupner every few days but I hadn't heard from him, either. I knew they were okay, because videos from their shows were still popping up and they were tweeting all the time. I worried about it a little but just chalked it up to the fact that they were really busy. I mean, I hadn't called him, either, and it wasn't for any other reason than I was also really busy and the time had gotten away from me.

"Could there _be _any more people here?" I asked, doing my best Chandler impression.

The apartment wasn't really crowded, but I had never seen that many people in it before. The seven peeps that made up the Dream Team made it to my birthday party which shocked the hell outta me since they all hated Brooklyn. Matt was in the kitchen mixing drinks, Suzy was handing me another margarita, Stephanie was messing with the stereo system, and Juanita was out on the balcony with Gloria and Stefan, two other friends of ours from school, giggling and chain smoking. Bastian was back to chasing balloons and trying to eat streamers.

After all we were sufficiently wasted, we broke out into a dance party in the living room.

"It's a good thing the landlords left for the weekend," Meara yelled, smiling as she danced with Matt.

There was no way our downstairs landlords would ever forgive us had they been home. The music was loud, we were all laughing, and the pounding the floor took would've driven them crazy.

After an hour or so, I headed outside with some peeps to cool off and smoke a cig. When I came back in, Matt was carrying my birthday cake, complete with all twenty-nine candles, into the living room. The writing on the cake, though, said, "Happy 12th Birthday!"

My friends knew me so well.

I didn't allow anybody to get me presents. They knew better than to even ask. What I didn't expect, though, were the present from "Mariah."

_Sneaky bastards_.

I ended up with a year's subscription to Netflix (Suzy), a diamond bracelet (Juanita and her family), gift cards to Barnes & Noble, Regal movie theaters, and Starbucks (Dream Team), and a coupon for a day of fun at Coney Island (Matt, Meara, and Bastian).

"What's this?" I asked, looking over the rectangular box Suzy handed me.

"Will you just open it?"

"Is this also from Mariah?" I laughed.

I tore away at the wrapping to find a plain black box. I made a face as I lifted the lid, hating having to open presents, but stopped being a baby when I realized what was inside. Underneath a small card, I could make out a picture frame. Inside the picture frame was one of the pictures Jackson had taken of the two of us kissing back in his LA hotel room when he refused to put the damn camera away.

"I'm not going to cry," I said as I sniffled, earning me chuckles from the peeps looking in.

_Don't think of it as a present. Think of it as a reminder of how much I love you. Happy birthday, Baby Girl. – Jackson_

"Oh, he's working hard for it," I laughed, wiping away the tears.

"I've been holding on to that damn present for a month. At least now I know what's inside," Suzy said.

"I miss his stupid ass," I mumbled.

As everyone started eating cake, I walked to my room to put his present on my nightstand.

_Thank you for my non-present. I love and miss you. – Iris_

_Tomorrow. – J Action_

The rest of the party was pretty much spent in a drunken stupor. We called it quits around 2am when the Dream Team decided it was time to take a cab back to the city.

"There's no way I'm taking a train from Brooklyn," Mel had said.

Gloria lived close by, so Stefan was going to stay with her while Juanita and Suzy stayed at my place. To make things easier on the three of us, Juanita had driven down from her place with her weekend bag already in the trunk. The plan was to wake up early, have breakfast at a diner, drive to Suzy's so she could grab her shit, take off to Cambridge, spend a portion of the afternoon sight-seeing and shopping, and then head over to the venue for the show.

The plan failed. We were so fucking hungover when we woke up the next day… at 1:30pm.

I hopped in the shower first, got ready, and then ran to the corner Dunkin Donuts to grab breakfast while Juanita and Suzy got ready. We were in the car thirty minutes later, speeding down the BQE with donuts in our mouths and "Like A Boss" blaring.

The drive to Cambridge took forever. Juanita said it was traffic, but Suzy and I knew she had slown down as soon as we hit the Massachusetts state line. Juanita and I were, of course, rabid Yankees fans, so the thought of being in Red Sox territory made us wanna throw up. Suzy was less dramatic about it since Connecticut seemed to be on the fence about the two teams, but she joined in on making fun of the BoSox with us.

Jackson and I played text tag the entire drive. He kept wanting to know how far away we were, how much longer it would be until we got there, and if I had prepped my hooha for the attention it was going to receive later that night. I texted him back and told him to quit making me all tingly when we hadn't even gotten through the show yet. His answer to that was to tell me to tell Juanita to drive faster so that there would be enough time to get some hanky pankiness going on before the show started. I called him a horny idiot before I finally ended the convo.

We arrived at the hotel that the boys were staying at with enough time to re-shower, get ready, and head over to the venue. Since Jackson had put our names down on some list, we were led into the venue from the back, earning us a few not so nice faces and choice words from the girls who were in line.

"They're _that_ crazy?" Juanita asked, making her own face about their faces.

"Worse. Did I tell you about the time Graupner got assaulted in a bathroom?"

We continued to walk to wherever it was that we were being led to as I told the story. Just as I had finished, we were ushered into the tiniest of dressing rooms. Only a few minutes later, the boys came walking in. My eyes immediately zeroed in on Jackson.

He looked exhausted but still oh so delicious. We kind of just stared at each other before I walked over and threw my arms around his neck. I hugged him as hard as I could, waiting for him to do the same. I finally felt his arms around my waist, but it was a light hold. I squeezed his neck, hoping to get him to react a little more, because his lack of enthusiasm was starting to worry me, but he finally squeezed back. He actually ended up picking me up off the floor and walking us over to the other side of the room where nobody was at.

"Hi," I mumbled into his neck.

He pulled back, took my face in his hands, and just stared at me. And then he leaned down and kissed me. And boy, did he fucking kiss me. It was one of those kisses that instantly takes your breath away. I was having trouble breathing, but after three months of being apart, there was no way that I was going to let him go. My hands were practically clawing at his jacket to bring him closer to me even though we were completely up against each other already.

When we managed to pull our mouths away from each other, he went right back to hugging me.

"Fuck, I've missed you. You have no idea…" he whispered into my hair.

"I think I have some idea."

We hugged for a while longer until Marty finally busted in and told them they had about five minutes left before they had to take the stage. Even though I didn't want to, I pulled myself away from Jackson. I looked back over to where everybody else was and noticed that the guys seemed a little standoffish while the girls talked to them.

"Well, there's mah boys," I said in a horrible Irish accent.

"You're not allowed to watch _Boondock Saints_, again," Suzy said, causing me to flip her off.

Each of the boys gave me a hug, a little unenthusiastically, but I figured it was just because they were so tired. Rather than the bone-crushing bear hugs I was used to, they gave me light ones with pats on the back. Even Graupner was being timid with me.

"You guys okay? You're acting like you're not happy to see us," I sorta laughed.

"We're all just a little tired," Jackson mumbled. "It's been rough the past couple of weeks."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"I need another hug," Graupner said, making me laugh.

He finally gave me that hug I had been looking for. Marty, again, broke my little bubble and told the guys it was time to hit the stage. Jackson gave me a quick kiss, hugged Suzy and Juanita on his way to the door, and then walked out with the rest of the boys. Marty walked us girls down a hallway that led to a side entrance just off of the stage. As secret agent as we could, we crept into the crowd, hoping that nobody would see where we came from or who had been with us.

Despite whatever bullshit the guys had been given to make their past couple of weeks bullshitty, they were the usual hard-working Monkeys on stage. They knocked everyone's socks off as I expected since they always gave their best at every show. I couldn't take my eyes off of Jackson for more reasons than one. Not only was he just so fucking gorgeous, long hair and tight pants and funky cowboy hat, he was giving off some seriously sexin vibes. I could practically see the horniness coming out of his pores. I was drooling by the time Marty came to take us backstage again.

We could hear the end of the "Thank You" song play, and then the three of us waited for another ten minutes before the boys came in to join us. All of them were sweaty, loud, and smiling like fools. Jackson immediately came over and pushed me against a wall and tongue fucked me, taking me by surprise. He tasted and smelled like dirt and sweat, but he mostly tasted of beer. I could tell just how drunk he was by how uncoordinated his movements were. That and the fact that he was trying to grab a boob while everyone else was in the room with us.

"People pay to watch that sort of thing, you know," I heard Suzy say.

I detached myself from Jackson, almost having to push him away when he started attacking my neck, and straightened myself out. I was even more embarrassed when I realized that there were two extra people in the room, one of whom I had never met but knew already from talking with Jackson and Graupner on the phone.

"Get off of her," Graupner said, making a face at Jackson as he pulled me away. "Iris, this is Brady Bell. Brady, this is my Iris."

"Nice to meet you, Brady," I laughed, holding out my hand to shake his.

"I've heard a lot about you," he smiled. "No worries. I'm not holding it against you."

"I'll get back to you on that," I said, pointing my finger at him and narrowing my eyes. "Hey, Scott! How are you?"

"Good, good," he said as he hugged me.

Just then, the dog next to him jumped up on us both.

"This, of course, is Gus."

"Ahhh. The infamous Gus."

I got down on my knees and laid my hand out, palm up.

"Hi, Gus."

Gus responded by putting his paw in my hand. I shook it lightly.

"He's such a good puppy," I cooed.

And then Gus was running away from me, stopping directly in front of Suzy. She immediately sat on her tushy and began ruffling his coat and playing with him. While I had a way with the babies, Suzy had a way with the animals.

I was really happy to finally get to talk to Brady for a bit. I had heard a little about him from Jackson when he and I had talked on the phone, but it was never more than just to say that Brady had joined them on the tour and that he was writing about the road experience for the website.

After about fifteen minutes, the guys decided to stay at the venue for a while to hang out at the bar and talk to the fans. Jackson pulled me back into him and told me he wanted to get to the hotel as soon as possible, making me laugh. After giving me looks of complete and utter disgust, the girls said they were going to hang out at the venue for a while, too. Jackson grabbed the keys to the car from Marty, and we both managed to slip out of the venue unseen.

Jackson was pretty quiet on the short drive to the hotel. Since he had more than enough to drink, I ended up driving. He took my hand in his and would take turns between playing with my fingers and squeezing my hand.

"You okay? You're not gonna throw up, are you?"

"I'm fine," he replied, shaking his head.

I pulled up to the hotel and waited for Jackson to walk to the room he had gotten for us. I walked in, turned the light on, and set my purse down on the bed. I turned around and found Jackson right up against me.

"Whoa. Wasn't expecting you so close."

He didn't say anything. He looked me right in the eye as he went for the button on my pants.

"Eager?" I smirked.

And then he was on me. He kissed me so hard, I had to take a step back. One of his hands snaked to the back of my neck, keeping my mouth on his, while the other grabbed a boob. When we needed to breathe, he pulled away from me and started licking and slightly biting my neck. I felt as his hand pulled down my zipper and then reached inside to cup my hooha over my boy shorts. He broke away from me, suddenly pulled my shirt up over my head, and then started tugging my pants down.

"Hey. What's the rush?" I lightly laughed, taking in the strange look on his face.

Instead of answering me, he kissed me again. He tried moving us, but because my pants were around my ankles, I tripped and fell, taking him with me. It didn't stop him, though. He grabbed my jeans at the ankles and pulled them off, flinging them behind him. He pulled his shirt over his head and leaned down to kiss me. He pulled back and sat on his heels, looking me over as I lay on the floor of the hotel room, panting, before he reached up to the bed. He pulled down the bag that had been sitting there and brought out a box of condoms.

"A whole box?" I laughed, wagging my eyebrows.

He dropped the box next to me, stood up, got naked, and then kneeled at my feet. I took off my boy shorts and bra as he put on a condom. Rather than get on top of me, he grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up to him. He pushed into me so hard, it took me a minute to catch my breath. It actually kinda hurt a little, but I didn't think anything of it considering it had been a while since we'd been together and he seemed really riled up.

With just my shoulders on the floor, he started pushing and pulling on my hips, grunting every time our skin slapped. The friction on my shoulders was starting to hurt, but I didn't want him to stop. I doubt he could've. He just kept going at it, looking down at his dick as it moved in and out of me.

After we came and caught our breath, we finally moved up on the bed. I was joking when I teased him about the box of condoms, because I honestly didn't expect us to go through them.

But the moment I crawled up the bed to lay my head on the pillow, he flipped me on my back and went down on me.

The rest of the night was a scene of slow, uninterrupted fucking that filled the room with moans and grunting and panting. I went from being on my back to on my stomach to on my hands and knees to being on top and any other way he could get me. He would finger me or go downtown when he needed time to get hard again. He kept pulling and biting at my nips, driving me crazy since they were already so sensitive from all the attention he paid to them. And to be honest, I was starting to get delirious from cumming so much, not to mention sore.

If I hadn't seen the sunlight starting to stream through the curtains, I would've never believed that we had actually had sex all night. But what hit me the hardest as we were falling asleep was that he had hardly said anything to me the entire time.

The girls and I had planned to spend the day walking around Cambridge while the boys did whatever it was that they needed to, but the entire day was blown since I didn't wake up until almost three in the afternoon. Feeling utterly sore and sexed out and pissed off at myself for not taking out my contacts, I crawled down to the end of the bed and grabbed my purse from the floor. I pulled out my cell and groaned at the thirteen missed calls.

"Hello?"

"Hi," I grumbled.

"Don't tell me you're actually still sleeping."

"I just woke up."

"I thought we were going to go shopping? Juanita's been talking my ear off about how much of your ass she's gonna kick if she doesn't get to a store soon," Suzy whined.

"Sorry. Lemme just hop in the shower real quick. Gimme thirty?"

"Hurry up."

I ended the call and got out of bed, finding my charger and plugging my phone in. I took as quick of a shower as I could and then got ready.

"Baby? I'm leaving."

"What?" he mumbled into the pillow.

I giggled a little as I pushed his hair back, so I could fully see his face.

"I'm leaving."

His eyes shot open, and he sat up so fast it made _my_ head spin.

"You're leaving already?"

"The girls wanted to go shopping, remember? I'll be back soon."

"Don't go."

He took my hand and tried pulling me down on the bed with him.

"Jackson," I half laughed and half whined. "I promised the girls I'd go with them."

"I need you here. I haven't seen you for three months. You can see them anytime you want. This trip is supposed to be about us," he said, staring me down.

_What the fuck?_

I pulled my hand out of his and took a step back.

"I'm going to ignore that last statement, because you just woke up. Don't you have shit to do with the guys today? It's past three."

"If you don't wanna be here with me, then just say so. Don't try and use shit like than as an excuse."

"What the hell's your problem?" I asked, trying to keep my anger in check. "If I didn't want to see you, I wouldn't have made the five hour drive. I wouldn't have blown off the entire morning. I wouldn't have let you fuck me into next week. What the fuck's gotten into you? Are you honestly trying to pick a fight over nothing? If you're in a bad mood or something, don't take that shit out on me."

"Fuck," he muttered, scrubbing his face. "I'm sorry."

He tried reaching for me, going straight for my hands, but I was too pissed off to let him.

"I'm going out. When you've stopped being an asshole, call me. Otherwise, I'll see you later tonight."

I walked out of the room before he could respond.

The girls were already waiting for me by Juanita's car, and I knew they could tell something was up by the look on my face. They didn't say anything the entire drive to the strip of small, local shops. They kept throwing me looks as they shopped. By the time we sat down to eat at a local seafood restaurant, they'd had enough.

"What's wrong? Why've you been in a mood all day?" Juanita asked as we waited for our orders.

"He was being a fucking asshole this morning."

I told them about the fight we had, what he said and how he said it. He had never even come close to ever speaking to me like that, so I had no idea where it was coming from. He was always sweet, silly, and just Jackson. We had never been the type of couple to really fight, so I didn't know how to deal with it.

By the time we made it back to the hotel, I still didn't have any answers. I was pretty surprised to see that the group's van and car were still in the same place as they were when I left that afternoon. Since I didn't have a key to the room, I knocked on the door and waited for Jackson to open it. When he finally did, I took one look at him and walked past him.

"I brought you dinner," I said as I put his take-out box on the nightstand.

I watched as he quietly closed the door and mumbled a thank you before he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Can you come sit down, please?" he asked.

"Are you gonna freak out on me again?"

"No."

I set my purse down on the floor and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to him. He leaned over and hugged me, nuzzling my neck.

"I'm sorry about this morning."

I waited for him to give me a reason for his asshole-like behavior, but he didn't. Instead, he kept hugging me. After a few minutes of it being quiet, I pulled back.

"Are you gonna to tell me what that was all about?"

He moved as though he was going to get off the bed, but he ended up just leaning his elbows on his knees and cupping his hands over his nose and mouth like he was contemplating something.

After a few minutes of just sitting like that and me watching him, he finally spoke up.

"I fucked up."

"Yeah, you did. Whatever the fuck that was this morning—"

"I slept with someone."

I sat there and looked at him not looking at me. And then I decided that I must've misheard him or that he was playing a really bad joke to get back at me for the Valentine's Day thing.

"What?" I laughed.

He turned his head to finally look at me, and his face told me he wasn't joking.

"What?" I whispered, getting off the bed. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

The weight that was suddenly on my chest was making it hard for me to breathe properly. I walked backwards, staring at Jackson and the look of complete and utter disaster on his face, until my legs hit something. He stood up from the bed and walked to the opposite side of the room.

"I was drunk. I was completely fucked up that night. I don't remember much of it," he mumbled.

I couldn't wrap my brain around anything he was saying. It didn't make any fucking sense. He was my Jackson. He didn't do shit like that. He was good and caring and loved me. He told me he wasn't a cheater. He told me he wouldn't do stupid shit or _anything_ for that matter that would break my heart.

"Iris?"

"Huh?"

I realized I had zoned out while Jackson was talking.

"Will you say something?"

"I don't— I can't—" I stammered.

I saw my purse on the floor and zeroed in on it. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached for it. I couldn't make my feet move anymore than that, though. I ended up just clutching my bag to my chest as if it would help me or something.

"When?" I managed to say.

"Last week."

It suddenly clicked why I hadn't heard from him for almost two weeks.

I watched him pace back and forth from one end of the room to the other, blocking the access to the door that I really needed to get to so I could get the fuck outta there. There were so many things going through my mind, questions that I wanted to ask and fuck yous I wanted to yell, but I couldn't even find my voice. I felt like I had been punch and slapped and kicked.

"Was she pretty?" I whispered.

His head moved so quickly, I honestly thought he hurt himself. His eyes looked right into mine, letting me know that my question was confusing him.

"What?"

"Was she pretty?"

He continued to stare at me, but I couldn't look into his eyes anymore so I focused on my feet instead.

"Blonde? No. She would've been a red head, right? You always had a thing for the red heads," I mumbled, continuing to talk but mainly to myself.

"Baby Girl—"

"Don't," I said, putting my hand up, pissed off that he would use his term of endearment at a moment like that.

I wanted to hear what he had to say, hear his explanation. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, knowing his explanation meant shit to me.

"Did she bat her eyelashes? Did she buy you a drink? Did she make you feel like a fucking rock star and hang on your every word?"

He looked down at the floor, his hands in his pockets, and kept his eyes trained on his boots as they kicked the shitty carpet.

"Did she moan or scream when you made her cum?" I asked, starting to cry.

I watched him, almost in slow motion, as his hand left his pants pocket and moved up to his face, scrubbing it out of frustration. He finally lifted his eyes to look at me, and that look almost made me crumble.

The more we stared at each other, the more the vision of him became watery.

"I'm sorry," he said, finally breaking out of our little stare down.

"You can say that again."

And it was at that point that my full fury finally caught up with me.

"Say it again. Tell me what a piece of shit you are, Jackson. I wanna hear all about how sorry you are and you didn't mean to do it and how she just fell on your dick! Tell me something that'll make sense!"

And then my body started shaking. I couldn't figure out if it was because I was so fucking pissed or because I was crying so hard.

"How long?"

"How long what?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"How long have you been fucking around?"

"I haven't— I haven't- I mean, it was just that once."

"Oh! Well, let me give you a fucking medal for only cheating on me _once_," I cried. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? You only cheated once, so it's okay?"

"No. That's not what I meant."

"What's her name?" I suddenly asked.

"What?"

"What. Was. Her. Name?"

"Why do you wanna know?"

"Because I just do."

My body was absolutely shaking, and I tried to count to ten in my head as I waited to hear his answer, hoping that it would somehow calm me down.

"I don't know," he whispered.

For a second, I thought I misheard him.

"What?"

"I don't know what her name was," he said, repeating what I knew he had already said.

"Isn't that fucking fantastic?' I snorted. "It's nice to know that you can easily throw everything away on someone you don't even have a name for."

"Can we talk about this?"

"What the fuck is there to talk about? Honestly, Jackson. What could you fucking say to me that would justify you fucking someone else?" I yelled, doing my best to wipe my face as I was openly sobbing at that point. "You fucked someone else! You put your dick is some fucking groupie, and for what? And then last night…" I panted. "You fucking touched me last night. Oh, God. You touched her, and then you touched me."

My mind started going in all sorts of directions as I thought about that fact. He had fucked someone who he couldn't remember or even have a name for, and he had put his hands on me, his dick in me.

The more I thought about it, the more I cried. And I could just _feel_ myself breaking in two. Everything I believed to be good and solid and true in my relationship with Jackson… was gone.

I needed to calm down, and I needed to sit. I walked my way over to the bed and sat down, not looking up at him or letting him see my face by hiding behind my hair. I sat there and cried. And cried.

I felt the bed beside me dip, and while I didn't want him anywhere near me, I didn't have the energy to move. He had drained me that much.

"I don't know what I can say or do…" he said.

I heard him clear his throat, taking a deep, shaky breath.

"Tell me. What can I do to fix this?"

Using everything I had, I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair everywhere, and he had this pleading look on his face.

"I don't think you _can_ fix this," I whispered.

"I fucked up. I get that. But I need to know what to do to make this right. Whatever it is, I'll do it. Please."

"I can't…" I trailed off, shaking my head.

"I love you."

"Do you? I don't know if I can believe that anymore," I responded, the latter half mainly to myself. "You cheated. You were with someone else. You think I can forgive that? You think I can _forget_ that?"

He leaned forward and put his head in his hands. His shoulders started shaking, which only made me cry even more.

After a few minutes of both of us just sitting there, the sounds of sniffles and difficult breathing filling the room, I couldn't take it anymore.

"I should go."

I stood up from the bed and wiped by face as best I could. I looked around and thanked God that I only had a few things I needed to throw into my overnight bag. As quickly as I could, I got everything together, not paying attention to whatever Jackson might've been doing or even saying.

Once I thought I had everything, I took one final look around and realized that Jackson was standing by the door, his head down and his hands back in his pockets. I grabbed my bags and started walking toward the door.

"Please don't go. Just… stay here. We'll talk. You can yell and scream. You can hit me. I don't care. Please don't leave me."

I looked him in the eyes, and I could see how sorry he was, how badly he wanted to do whatever it took to make this situation disappear.

"I need to think, and I can't do that here. I know you're sorry," I said, continuing to cry. "But that's not the point."

His face fell even more, if that was possible, but he nodded. I moved to the door, still crying and doing my best to just not break down then and there. I opened it, feeling the air as it hit my face, making me more aware of my tears.

When I finally focused, I noticed Suzy and Juanita leaning against the car. Suzy looked like she was on the verge of crying herself, but Juanita looked like she was about to kill someone. I heard a sound to my left so I turned, finding the band minus Uncle standing there. I had no idea where Scott, Gus, or Brady may have been, but I was thankful that they weren't around.

Without saying anything, Suzy came over and took my bags. That simple act alone brought on a whole new set of tears, and I heard myself as I started sobbing again. Suzy dropped the bags, and in a very un-Suzy move, she full-on hugged me.

"How fucking could you?" I heard Juanita say.

I looked over Suzy's shoulder, and I could make out that she was furious as fuck but was crying, too.

"She did everything for you. _Everything_. She cried herself to sleep, because she missed you so much. She defended you whenever someone said that you put your career ahead of her."

She was getting louder and louder, and I knew it was only a matter of time before she finally fucking snapped.

"And you fuck someone else?"

_How the fuck does she know?_

"We could hear from out here," Suzy replied, letting me know that my internal monologue was definitely broken.

And then I saw Juanita start moving toward me, toward Jackson, and I knew that I had to get in there before shit seriously went down. I moved out of Suzy's arms and walked in front of Juanita, grabbing her shoulders so she could see my face and know that I needed her to help me get out of there.

"No, Juanita. Let's just go. I just wanna go home. Please just take me home."

Her eyes went from Jackson to me, and they instantly softened.

"Let's go, then," she whispered.

"Iris? I'm sorry."

I turned around to address the voice, finding myself staring into Graupner's sad eyes.

_What's he sorry for?_

It took all of two seconds for it to hit.

"You knew," I cried and laughed at the same time. "Of course you knew. He's your best friend, right? You'd know about this. You all would."

I let my eyes move over each of the guys. Jackson was still standing in the doorway of the hotel room, taking everything in. Graupner was staring at me, practically begging me with his eyes for something. Jerad wouldn't even look at me. He just kept staring at his shoes. Benny's face was completely blank.

"I need to get out of here."

At my words, Suzy and Juanita sprung into action. Suzy sprinted to her hotel room a few doors down while Juanita grabbed my bags and started loading them in the trunk. A few minutes later, Suzy came back out with both her bags and Juanita's. The bags were thrown in the trunk, too, and after Suzy went back to get my purse out of the trunk, I started climbing in the backseat. I barely had the door open when I heard Jackson's voice.

"Wait."

"I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm tired," I said, a new sob breaking through.

I climbed into the car and shut the door. The girls did the same and then buckled their seatbelts.

"You ready?" Juanita asked, turning around to look at me.

I nodded and then dropped my head, fucking exhausted from crying so much but still unable to keep from doing so.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I let my curiosity get the better of me, and I looked out the window at Jackson. He was staring at me as we drove away.

And it was that look in his eyes that I carried with me on the drive back to New York, making me curl up in the backseat and sob the entire way home.

* * *

**Reviews are like Jackson crying: They make **_**me**_** cry.**


	29. HATEU

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris.**

**No translations.  
**

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / gxQN5i  
**

* * *

Monday: I contemplated calling in sick to work. But I realized that would've left me in the exact same place as last night: in bed hysterically sobbing. I got up. I got ready. I ended up making it to work half an hour early.

I was a robot that morning. I answered calls, scheduled appointments, and paid as much attention as I could when Sheila was teaching me what Westlaw was. She knew something was up. The one time I made eye contact with her, I could see it in her face. But she never asked, not that I would've given her an answer if she had.

Before I realized it, it was lunchtime. I couldn't face the Dream Team. I just wasn't in the mood to be around people. Instead, I walked across the street to Au Bon Pain and ordered something, taking it back to the office. I ate slowly as I checked my phone, not having paid attention to it all day.

_How you doing today? - Suzy_

Ignored.

_I'm sorry. Please talk to me. - JAction_

Deleted.

I took two more bites of whatever sandwich I had in my hand before the weight of his text set in, and I was running to the bathroom. I cried for ten minutes after throwing up what little of my lunch I had eaten.

I went outside and smoked a couple of cigs, trying to calm myself down. I told myself over and over that I needed to pull my shit together, because I couldn't let my personal drama affect work.

Being an adult sucks sometimes.

Flowers. Well, _a_ flower was placed on my desk about an hour before the office closed. Marissa, the other firm's front office receptionist, smiled as she looked over the flower she had sweetly placed in front of me. The look on my face, probably green in color or one of horror, had her walking back to her desk without saying anything to me.

_I love you._

That was it. That was all the card said.

Without saying anything, I got up from my desk and threw the entire thing away. The paralegals on the floor didn't attempt to talk to me for the rest of the day.

When the office closed, Sheila asked if I wanted her to stick around to help me study for the LSATs. When I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I just wanted to go home, she nodded, looking like she wanted to say something. I walked out of the office without saying anything else to her.

The subway ride was forty-five minutes of not looking at anybody and listening to the most depressing music I could find on my iPhone. I made a playlist.

I was thankful that Meara wasn't home when I got there. I hadn't told her anything about what had gone on, and I wasn't in the mood to rehash it all. I grabbed an apple from the kitchen and closed myself off in my room.

I heard the front door open, and I immediately turned the TV on so she would think I was busy.

I got in bed around 10:30. I cried myself to sleep around midnight.

Tuesday: I avoided the kitchen again. I wasn't that hungry for breakfast anyway. I got to work on time and finished a motion that needed to be submitted by the end of the day. I only had to revise it once. I wanted to feel proud. Instead, I got started on filing and confirming the boss' appointments for the next week.

I walked four blocks on my lunch break. I stopped at a random pizza joint and grabbed a slice so that I could at least say I ate something. I think I chain-smoked.

_Why haven't you called me back? - Suzy_

Ignored.

_You okay? Haven't seen you for lunch. - Mel_

Ignored.

_I'm staying at Matt's tonight. Can you watch Bastian for me? Thanks! - Meara_

Ignored.

And then my phone rang. It was Jackson.

Ignored.

I shut my phone off.

I went back to the office after lunch. There was another vase but with a different flower on my desk.

I didn't read the card. I just threw the whole thing away.

I stopped at Duane Reade on the walk home to buy a pack of lighters. I walked around for thirty minutes before I remembered what I was there for in the first place. I also made a stop at the grocery store, bitching and moaning all the way home because I didn't have the sense to stop at the apartment and get the cart first. I bought way too much.

Bastian jumped into my arms the moment I set the bags on the kitchen counter. I put him back down as quickly as I could. I put my food away and then decided to make lunch and dinner for the rest of the week.

My phone rang seven times during those two hours. I didn't bother to check who they were from. The ringtones told me who was calling. I got twelve text messages. Ten were from Jackson. I deleted them without reading them or batting an eyelash. The other two were Suzy yelling at me, because I hadn't called her in two days.

I went to bed and stared at the ceiling for an hour as Bastian got comfy on top of the covers. Around 1am, I started bawling. I fell asleep three hours later.

Wednesday: I woke up to a voicemail from Jackson. I stared at my phone for five minutes, deciding whether I wanted to hear his voice or not.

"Baby Girl, I'm sorry. You have to know that I'm sorry. I fucked up. And I'm an asshole. But I wanna talk to you about this. We can work through this. I know we can–"

I deleted the voicemail before it finished. I didn't need to hear him drunkenly apologize to me anymore.

Work before lunch was the same.

I stayed in the office for lunch. I ate my veggie stir fry at my desk while I checked my email, Facebook, and Twitter and avoided anything having to do with Jackson or the band.

I spent most of my time after lunch researching past cases for Michael and writing reports on them. Just when I thought I was free and clear, another fucking flower in another fucking vase was set on my desk.

_I love you._

I threw it in the same trashcan on my way outta the office.

_Stop with the flowers. - Iris_

I walked down the subway steps so I could lose service before I could get a reply to my text. I had one waiting for me when I exited my stop in Brooklyn. I knew it was from him, so I deleted it.

When I got home, I grabbed a tub of tupperware from the fridge. I walked into my room. I ate my spaghetti cold. I went to bed.

I don't remember if I cried or not.

Thursday: Meara left me a note on the fridge asking me if I was okay. I knew she was still asleep at that point, so she had to have left it for me the night before. I took it off the fridge and threw it in the recycling bin. I grabbed my lunch and walked out.

My morning of getting a jump on the end of the month reports was interrupted by another fucking flower. This time it was an Iris. I broke down and read the card.

_I'm not giving up. I don't care how long it takes._

Rather than eat the lunch I had made, I went to Chipotle and walked around Bryant Park, eating and ignoring the people that walked by. I sat on the steps of the library and smoked a couple of cigarettes. I walked back to work too slow and got there six minutes late. Nobody said anything.

At 3:30, I got a phone call from Suzy. I let it go to voicemail. Almost eight minutes later, my phone lit up that she was done talking. It made me wonder and worry just what exactly she had said that took her almost eight minutes to say.

I prepared myself for a lot of yelling and screaming and cursing in Polish.

I left the office quietly. I took my flower home with me.

As the express D train bumped along the Manhattan Bridge into Brooklyn, I decided to do what I thought was best for myself: I shut down.

Friday: I woke up numb. I showered numb. I got dressed numb. I put my make-up on numb. I rode the train to work numb. I answered calls, called Judge's chambers, scheduled depositions, and created hearing binders... numb.

I didn't have anything left in me. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I wanted to scream, but I didn't. I wanted to feel _something_, but I honestly didn't want to. I was tired of being angry and depressed and... alone.

The flower he sent me that day didn't make me feel anything. No tears, no anger, nothing. I felt empty and alone.

That was the one thing I carried with me all day. I was alone. Even though it was self-imposed, I couldn't shake that feeling. I could've returned Suzy's calls or met the Dream Team for lunch or finally answered one of Jackson's texts. But I didn't. Everything I did reminded me of him. I had told Jackson that I needed time to think things over, but I didn't know how to _really_ process what he had done. If I did, I would've started asking myself why he did what he did. And I wasn't prepared to deal with the answers.

I went home and was passed out by 10:30pm.

I woke up the next day and laid in bed for a while just staring at the ceiling. I didn't have anything planned for the day, which made sense since I was avoiding everyone. Suddenly, Jackson's ringtone was blaring from my nightstand. I stayed where I was and just didn't breathe. When I couldn't take it anymore, I reached over and ignored the call. Since I didn't have my contacts in yet, I couldn't see where my hand was going and I accidentally bumped it along the edge of the nightstand, sending my phone skidding across the floor somewhere.

"Fuckin shit," I muttered.

I thought about looking for it before I hopped in the shower. But I didn't really care. And that was what started my shit morning off.

As I got out of bed, my foot got caught in the sheet, and I ended up face first in the hardwood floor. I got shampoo in my eyes while showering. I almost slipped and fell outta the tub. I stubbed my toe against my computer desk when I was trying to put my flip-flops on.

I knew I was starting to lose it, so I put some music on to try and soothe me. By the time I got across the room, I realized I had put my "HATEU" playlist on, the one that I had created on the train and had nothing but really depressing shit on it. Rather than do the smart thing and change it, I left it. I just couldn't be bothered.

I started looking for my phone, and when I couldn't find it, I got on my hands and knees to check under the bed. I found it underneath the bed... where I had thrown all of the pictures I had of Jackson and I.

As I grabbed my phone, I accidentally grabbed a picture, as well. Before I knew what I was doing, I was staring at it. It was from when the band was at my parents' house in Albuquerque, and he had just given me my autographed copy of _The Village_ soundtrack. I was on him like white on rice, my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. I was smiling and he was smiling and Benny who was off to the side in the background was smiling. We were all smiling. We were _so _happy.

And that was what sent me over the edge.

"God _damn it_!"

I sat back on my ass and sobbed. I sobbed until I couldn't breathe properly. And I continued to sob as I grabbed the rest of the pictures from under the bed and scattered them in front of me. I sat on my bed and forced myself to look at each picture, the weight of everything that had happened hitting me all at once. There were pictures of Jackson and I together just as we were leaving Ashley's hotel room for the premiere. From when he played tour guide in LA. From his little photoshoot in the hotel room. From the drive to Dallas. From when we were both in his bathtub after Kellan's prank. From when we were hysterically laughing on the floor after having crashed into each other AKA The Sliding Incident.

I didn't understand how we had gone from that to him cheating, to me not speaking to him, to everything just turning to shit.

I loved him. There was no changing that. No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't just flip it on and off like a switch. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get past what he had done. I didn't know if I could forgive _or_ forget. I didn't know if I could deal with not having him in my life.

And before I could ponder the meaning behind that thought, four girls busted through my bedroom door. It scared me enough to stop crying for two seconds.

"So, you _are_ alive! Good to know. See ya later," Meg said as she turned around and started walking down the hallway.

"Get your ass over here," Mel said, grabbing her by the shirt.

Suzy and Meara took one look at my face and ran over.

"What's wrong?" Meara asked.

I looked over at Suzy. She shook her head to let me know that she hadn't said anything to anybody.

"What are you guys doing here?" I hiccupped.

"I haven't seen you since you got back from your trip, and we live together," Meara said.

"You haven't been around for lunch, and you skipped out on watching _The Office _Thursday," Mel replied. "Jason wasn't worried about you being MIA until then."

"No phone call, no texts, no nothing," Meg said, still a little pissed but calming down.

"We've never gone more than two days without talking to each other, and then you disappeared for a week," Suzy said. "Juanita said she hasn't heard from you, either."

I could tell she wanted to be angry with me but couldn't.

"What's going on?" Meara asked again.

The four of them stood looking down at me while I fiddled with the pictures I had in my hands and continued to cry.

"Jackson cheated on me," I said, sobbing all over again.

It took a few seconds, but in a move that would've been perfect for some chick flick, the girls descended on me. There were hugs and tears and threats to male body parts. It was pretty crazy for a good five minutes while the girls talked to each other about it. Suzy quietly made her way over to me and sat down.

"Have you talked to him?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "He keeps calling and texting and fucking sending flowers, but I can't talk to him, yet."

She sighed and nodded as she gathered up some of the pictures in front of her. She looked through them and then put them aside.

"You haven't touched your cello since you got back. I haven't even heard you singing to yourself. I should've known something bad went down while you were gone," Meara sighed. "Can we do anything?"

I shook my head.

"What happened?"

I looked over at Meg and readied myself to tell her.

"Nevermind. You don't have to tell us," she backtracked.

"No, it's okay. I think I should get it off my chest at least."

I cleared my throat and started from the beginning. Suzy nodded every once in a while but got really quiet by the time I got to the all night fuck fest. I hadn't told her anything about what had gone on between the cheating bastard and I, so she only knew what she had overheard.

By the time I finished, Meg was livid, Meara was crying, Mel was stunned, and Suzy was holding me.

"And you didn't break up with him?" Meg asked.

"Leave her alone," Mel replied, standing up.

"No! He cheated. That's it. She ends things and moves on."

"Meg, it's not that simple," I said.

"How is it not fucking simple, Iris?"

"I love him."

"And that's wonderful," she said sarcastically. "So, you take him back and he cheats again. And again. And again. Once a cheater, always a cheater, Iris. You know this. Why put yourself through that again? You should just call him now and tell him you're done."

"Whoa. Wait a minute," Suzy broke in. "Normally, I would agree with you but this is different."

"How?" Meg shot back.

"I know it sounds like a lame ass excuse, but you didn't get to see what I saw when they were together. Honestly? I think he loves her, and he made a mistake. It was a big fucking mistake, yeah, but maybe it's something that can be worked through. Besides, we all know that if Iris was going to break up with him, she would've done it already. But she didn't. She said she needed time to think."

Suzy's speech had caused us all to become quiet. Even my sobs were silent.

"Can we go outside and have a cig?" I asked.

We made our way out to the terrace and smoked in silence.

"Meara? What would you do?" I asked, craning my head to look at her.

"I don't do cheating. If it were me, I'd break it off. I'm sorry."

"Mel?"

Other than Suzy's, Mel's was the one opinion I really wanted. She and Jason had been together for years. They had talked about getting married and having babies.

"I honestly don't know. Jason's not the cheating type."

"Jackson said he wasn't, either," I mumbled.

"I guess... I guess I'd talk to Jason at least. I'd wanna know what happened, why he did what he did, and then go from there to decide whether what we have is worth fighting for."

I sat back and lit another cigarette, thinking about what everyone thought I should do.

"Dude, what do _you_ wanna do?" Suzy asked me.

"I wanna talk to him but that's just because I miss him, I think. I don't know. My fucking emotions are all over the place! I wanna talk to him, but I don't. I love him, but I fucking hate him for what he did. I wanna try and get through this, but I don't think there's any going back after something like this."

The more I sat and thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to know his side of things for my own piece of mind. If I walked away without talking to him, I'd never have closure or whatever. There would always be doubts and what-ifs floating around in my mind.

"I think I'll talk to him at SBL," I suddenly said.

"Hold up. Talking to him I get. You still wanna go to SBL, though?"

Back when things were still good between Jackson, the band, and I, Suzy and I had agreed to go to SBL. The boys had taken care of our tickets to the show, and Suz and I had laughed as we bought our plane tickets, talking about how she had never been to Dallas and was really excited to go.

"SBL isn't about Jackson, Suz. I'm going for a completely different reason. You're still going with me, right?"

"I don't know..."

"Please? I don't know if I can get through next weekend if I don't have some sort of support. You don't have to say or do anything. Just be there for me."

She looked at me like I was crazy for even thinking about heading to Dallas for SBL the following weekend, but I knew that what I needed to say and find out from Jackson had to be done in person. It may not have been the best place to do it, but if he and I were really going to attempt to work our shit out, it had to be done soon. I couldn't just sit on the situation and let it drive me nuts.

"Okay. Okay, I'll go with you. It's not like I can get a refund on the plane ticket anyway," she joked.

And for the first time in over a week, I laughed. Only Suz could take a serious situation and joke about money.

"What?" she laughed.

Meg and Mel took off after that, making little comments about how much they must've loved my ass if they headed into Brooklyn for only a few hours. Meara had made plans to stay with Matt for the weekend, but she didn't want to leave me once she knew what was going on. I kept having to tell her that I would be okay. She made me promise to call her if I needed her at any point while she was gone.

"I need to let them know that we're still planning on going," I said as Suz and I played with Bastian.

"You're gonna call him?"

"No. I'm not ready for that. I guess I can message one of the guys."

"You want me to do it?"

"Nah. I have to do this. Small steps and all that jazz."

I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone. Out of all the guys, I decided to go with Benny. And then I had to figure out exactly what I would say.

"Quit thinking about it and just send something. Don't drag it out," she pushed.

_Are my SBL passes still good? - Iris_

I set my phone down on the coffee table like it was on fire and stared at it. The longer it sat silent, the more I started to freak. What if they weren't? What if the guys were pissed at me for taking off? What if Jackson didn't wanna deal with me then? What if they-

My phone rang.

"Fuck! I didn't think they'd call. What do I do? Do I answer it?" I panicked.

"Answer the phone, Iris. It'll be okay."

I cleared my throat and grabbed my phone, looking at the picture of a goofy-faced Jerad on my screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How are you?"

"I'm... I've been better," I replied, not wanting to lie.

"Hmmm. So, you're still planning on making it to SBL?"

"Is that okay? I guess I'll understand if it's not, but..." I drifted off.

As Jerad and I stayed quiet, I could hear a mandolin playing in the background and I instantly started to cry. He was _that_ close. All Jerad had to do was pass him the phone, and I'd be talking to him. I loved and dreaded the possibility.

"Can I tell you something first?" he asked.

"S-sure."

He was quiet for a few seconds, and I could tell he was walking away from Jackson because the mandolin in the background got quieter.

"I guess I wanna apologize. We wanted to tell you, but it wasn't our place. We figured it would've hurt more if anybody other than J told you."

"I know," I said. "I didn't mean to be a bitch to you guys. It wasn't fair to put you in the middle. Everything was just happening so fast, and I acted out."

"You don't need to explain anything. But... Are _we_ okay?"

"We're okay," I smiled.

"Good, because Ben's driving me nuts. He wants to talk to you."

"Okay," I laughed.

I assumed Jerad walked back toward where the rest of the guys were to get to Ben, because the mandolin music was back.

"Iris?"

"Hey, G."

"Are you mad at me?"

That one little question really shook me. It wasn't the usual goofy, little boy way about him. It was serious, not like Graupner at all. I guess it was then it hit me just how much the entire shitty situation had affected everyone. But I wanted my sweet, silly Graupner back. As pissed off as I was at Jackson, I missed the guys.

"Nah. I can't stay mad at you. We have a wedding to plan," I joked.

"Really?"

"Who else am I gonna marry?"

"Nobody loves you more than I do."

"I can't argue with that," I replied, wondering if it was actually true or not.

"Jerad said you're still going to Dallas."

"That okay?"

"Now you're just asking silly questions," he laughed. "You still flying in on Friday?"

"Yep. Suz and I will be there Friday night."

"Good."

"It's settled then," I replied, nodding at Suzy who was rolling her eyes at me while smiling back.

"Do you wanna talk to Jackson?"

"No!" I yelled, panicking. "I'm not ready to talk to him. It's too soon, G. I just wanted to know if SBL was still a go."

Before he could reply, I heard the mandolin stop playing and a door slam.

"G? Am I on speaker?"

"Not anymore," he mumbled.

"Fuck..."

"I'll go talk to him," I heard Benny say.

"Wifey? Can I tell you something and you not get pissed at me?"

"Maybe."

"I know he screwed up badly, but he really loves you. I'm not saying what he did was right, but you should know that he's willing to do anything to fix this."

"H-how do you know? Has he talked to you about it?"

"Not really, but I know him. And it's written all over his face."

I thought about those words as I fell asleep. They were still in my head the next morning. As I was hopping out of the shower, my phone rang and my beautiful ex-roommate's face flashed on the screen.

"Hey, Ash."

"Get your ass to the Chipotle in Union Square in two hours. _Two_ hours, you hear me?"

"Ash–"

"Do you have your usual movie Sundays with Suzy today?"

"No."

"Good. Then I expect your ass there. Two hours," she repeated before she hung up.

"Huh. She's gonna rip me a new asshole, and I have no idea why," I said aloud as I plugged my phone in to charge.

Two hours later, she and I were seated at Chipotle and talking about nothing. I thought that maybe I had overreacted to how abrupt she had been on the phone, but that changed once we finished eating and were walking out.

"What the hell happened to you Tuesday night?"

"What do you mean?"

"We were gonna go to that movie in Central Park. Remember?"

And then I remembered.

"Shit."

"Yeah. You didn't show up. You didn't even call. What happened?"

With everything that was going on with Jackson and how blank I had been to the world, I completely forgot or just didn't care about all of my plans that week.

"Fuck. I'm sorry, Ash."

She took one look at me and knew that I really _was_ sorry. Her face went from meanie roommate to curious friend.

"Shit with Jackson happened, and I pretty much checked out."

"You okay?"

"Not really."

We sat on a bench in the middle of the usual Union Square chaos, and I ended up telling her everything that had happened over the past week. I did my best to not cry but she pulled out some Kleenex anyway, knowing me all too well, and then the tears came. When I had finally finished, all she could do was lean back against the bench and shake her head.

"So, you're gonna talk to him?"

"Yeah. I don't know what'll happen after that, but I need to at least do that."

"Are you prepared to break it off with him?"

"No," I sniffled, shaking my head. "I know that I'm supposed to be all bitchy and tough and tell him to eat shit and die, but that's not me. God... Am I a spineless person, because I wanna talk to him first?"

"No," she smiled. "You're being you."

"But I always said that if a guy ever cheated on me, I'd be gone. No excuses or explanations wanted or needed."

"Yeah, well, shit's different now. You're not being hypothetical. You're dealing with it. It's always different when it's actually happening to you. And only you know what you really want. Had you really wanted to break up with him, you would've done it already. You don't do anything half-ass."

"Isn't that what I'm doing now?"

"You're doing what you need to do for you. If you wanna talk to him, talk to him. If you wanna punch him in the face, I'll hold him down. If you wanna try and work through it, I'll be here with my cheerleading pom poms and words of advice."

I fiddled with my Kleenex for a bit while I calmed myself down.

"Look, I'll just say this and let you do your thing. Guys are pretty much assholes. It's a commonly known fact. There are those few, though, that didn't seem to get that chromosome. Jackson, I don't think, is one of those guys. And those are the ones you wanna fight for. They have their idiotic moments, sure. They're dudes afterall," she snickered. "They're gonna make mistakes. But he's human. He's not perfect. And you can either let this _thing_ that happened turn you into a bitter person, or you two can learn from it. Learning from it doesn't mean that you _have_ to break it off or that you _have_ to stay with him. It means whatever you want it to mean."

I stared at her.

"Have you been watching _Tyra_ again?" I sorta laughed.

"She wishes."

Ashley's words were still in my head as I sat on the plane headed to Dallas the following Friday. Even though I had taken off from work a couple of hours early to match Suzy's schedule and leave LaGuardia at 5:30, I was still exhausted. I had done nothing but think over what Jerad and Graupner had said, along with worry about how the entire scenario was going to play out.

Whether it was ESP or just coincidence, Nikki had called on Wednesday. She could tell something was off, and I finally told her what happened. She went from being surprised to consoling me to threatening to cut his dick off. She said she had no idea that any of that was going on since she hadn't talked to Jackson in a few weeks, but she never expected something like that to have gone down. I asked her to not say anything to him. I didn't want the situation to affect her friendship with him like it had affected my friendship with the guys. She fought me on it, but I had to remind her that this deal was between J and I. I told her I would let her know how things went after he and I talked. I guess that was enough to satisfy her, because she backed down after that.

"You ready for this?" Suzy asked as she flipped through a magazine.

"No, but it's not like I can avoid it."

"You thought about what you're going to say?"

"I don't wanna go in there with some rehearsed speech," I replied, shaking my head. "I don't want demands or ultimatums or anything _dramatic_ like that. I just wanna talk to him like I used to."

The rest of the flight was quiet. It wasn't until we were waiting to pick up the car rental that Suzy said anything, and that was only to ask me not to kill her on the way to the hotel. She has serious issues with my driving abilities.

"Are we seeing them tonight?" Suzy asked as we grabbed our bags and headed toward the hotel's elevator.

"I don't know. They have a show at PDP tonight. I should probably let one of them know we're here, though."

Once we got into our room and relaxed for a bit, I texted Jerad to let him know we were in the hotel. When I heard back from Uncle instead of Jerad, I knew something was up.

"Hello, beautiful," he said, coughing over and over.

"Uncle, what's wrong?"

"I have a touch of the flu."

"Just a touch? You sound horrible."

"But I'm still a handsome devil," he chuckled.

"What room are you in? We're heading over."

"Don't trouble yourself, Iris. I'll be fine."

"Uncle," I said in a tone that meant business.

"Alright," he laughed again.

He gave his room number, and I explained to Suzy why I was in such a rush to get out of the room. I had no idea if the boys had given him meds or fluids, so we went to the nearest Walgreens and stocked up on gallons of water, Gatorade, cough medicine, Kleenex, tea, and anything else we could think of. We rushed upstairs and knocked loudly but politely on the door. My heart broke when he answered the door, and I realized how sick he was.

Suzy immediately walked in and started cleaning up all of the tissues. I walked Uncle over to the unused bed, pulled back the sheets, and forced him to get in. Once he was settled, I started heating water in the little coffee maker the room offered while Suzy called the Front Desk and asked that new bedding be brought up.

"Stop troubling yourselves," Uncle coughed.

"Shhh! Sick people shouldn't talk," I smirked.

"They don't have round the clock housekeeping, so I'm gonna go down there and bring it up myself," Suzy said as she walked out.

I made Uncle a cup of tea and sat on the floor next to his bed, making sure he drank it.

"It's good to see you, Miss Iris."

"I missed you, too," I smiled, grabbing the thermometer out of the Walgreens bag and placing it in his mouth.

Suzy came stumbling into the room with sheets and pillowcases. I showed her what the thermometer said, and she said that his fever wasn't bad at all. He must've already gotten through the worse. I made him drink another cup of tea while Suzy and I battled to get the bed stripped and made. When we were done, we sat on it and talked to Uncle about nothing, mainly focusing on how he felt and telling raunchy jokes to get him to laugh.

We must've lost track of time because the band came out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me. And then I was staring at a surprised Jackson.

"Hi."

"Hey," he replied.

"You're here!" Graupner yelled.

And before I knew it, he had Suzy and I in a giant bear hug. He eventually let us go, but I had really missed him so I brought him in for another hug. I pretty much squeezed the life outta him. I smiled and pulled back, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

"You missed the other one," he joked, pointing to the other side of his face.

"Now you're just pushing it," I smiled but gave in and smooched him anyway.

I hugged Jerad and Benny, realizing that I had really missed them even though it had only been a couple of weeks. Suzy, who was standing off to the side talking to the guys, shot me a look when she noticed that the only person left for me to talk to was Jackson. I gave her a small smile and walked over to where Jackson was standing by himself.

"Hey," I smiled, digging my hands into my pockets.

I was trying to be as nice as I could be. I didn't want to cause a scene with everyone in the room and Uncle being sick. Even if I had tried to be angry enough to throw shit at his head, he looked so remorseful and sad as he looked at me.

"Hi."

It was awkward being there with him. I hated it. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before shit went so bad. I wanted him to hug me and tell me he missed me and make plans to get bat shit drunk after SBL was over. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and not have me doubt his words. I wanted to not have the visions of him fucking some random chick flash in my head all the time.

"How was your show?"

"It was good," he nodded. "How was your flight?"

"Fine."

And then more silence. But I just couldn't take it. It'd been two weeks of silence from me, and I didn't wanna deal with it anymore.

Suddenly, he took a step toward me, and in pure panic mode, I took a step back. I didn't even think about it. I just did it. I guess I really wasn't ready to be that close to him, yet. The random flashes of him fucking some faceless girl kept flashing in my mind, so I knew that had something to do with it.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"I just… need time," I sighed. "I need time, and we need to talk."

He nodded, his hair swinging back and forth.

"It's gotten long," I pointed.

He took his fedora off and ran his hand through his hair. And then he smirked at me. I froze. He knew what the smirk did to me. But I didn't know if he was doing it intentionally to make my knees turn to Jello or because he was always doing it. Either way, I needed out. I was too close to him, I was being affected by the smirk, and the more he ran his hands through his hair, the more I wanted to do it, too. And I couldn't be in that frame of mind. I needed to stay focused on why we were being awkward with each other in the first place.

"So," I cleared my throat, taking another step back. "You're obviously busy tomorrow. You wanna talk about… this… uh, thing on Sunday? Our flight doesn't leave til seven, so we can talk when you're free."

"We can talk tomorrow if you want."

"Sunday's good. I don't wanna have this big conversation with you when tomorrow's about Spencer, so…"

"Yeah. Okay."

I turned around and walked toward the group that was huddled around Uncle. He mentioned that he was feeling better, winked at Suzy and I, and said that he'd be fine enough to perform at SBL the next day. Hearing that, Suz and I decided to bounce so they could all get some sleep.

"How'd it go?" she asked as we took the stairs up to our floor.

"It was okay, and then it got weird."

"How?"

"I think he was gonna hug me. I don't know. He took just one step toward me, Suz, and I panicked."

"And?"

"And he smirked at me."

"Ahhh. The kryptonite."

"Yeah. My brain was all fuzzy for two seconds. I had to remind myself what he did for me to get back on track," I shrugged. "I'm so fucking confused."

"You'll figure it out," she smiled.

I don't know why, but I was nervous as fuck as Suzy and I sat at a nearby Denny's for breakfast the next day.

"Stop wigging out."

"How do you know I'm wigging out?"

"Because you consider hashbrowns one of the major food groups, and you haven't even touched them, yet."

I shoved an entire forkful in my mouth to get her to leave me alone.

"Better?" I said with my mouth full.

"That's charming," she laughed.

But her little trick worked, and I was feeling the teensiest bit better. Well, better after I managed to not choke on the amount of hashbrowns in my mouth.

Even though we didn't need to, we got to the venue early. We waited in line with everyone else until I got a text from Marty telling us to meet him toward the back of the building.

Marty met us with hugs and smiles, but there was none of the usual joking around. I guess we were all walking on eggshells. He gave us our passes and then ushered us into the building using a back door. There were girls standing around, trying to talk to people. Once they saw Marty, their faces lit up. I don't think they even saw us.

"Jerad said you don't wanna head back there just yet, right?" he asked, nodding toward what I assumed where the dressing rooms were.

I shook and ducked my head.

"I have to get back there, but you guys can stay back here, stand on the side of the stage, or battle it out in the audience during the show."

I looked to Suzy to find out what she wanted to do.

"We'll mosh with the other Junkies," she smiled.

Suz and I made our way to the floor as Marty walked away, and we waited for the show to start. We watched the fans rush to find a space that would give them the best view and then freak out as the other bands hit the stage. I wasn't too familiar with anybody other than Shawn and Jake. Jackson and the boys had talked a lot about them when we chatted on the phone. Graupner had been really excited for me to meet Jake. I figured that was still gonna go down, but I was sorry it had to go down under the tension of the situation.

Before I knew it, the boys were on stage. And it hit me like a fucking freight train when I laid eyes on Jackson in person standing at the keyboard. He had his hair pulled back so I could see that the sides were shaved. He looked tired but happy. They all did. As hard as I tried not to, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

My heart sank a little as the show went on, and Jackson never made eye contact with me. I tried to enjoy the show as much as I could, but I couldn't shake the horrible feeling in my stomach.

What if he had decided that he didn't wanna deal with any of that shit anymore? He could've easily just said, "Fuck it!" and be done with me. He had proven he could have whomever he wanted. What if my issues with what he had done had been what he needed to realize that he didn't need someone to be tied down to?

Suzy and I hussled to the side of the stage as the guys took their bow. We flashed our passes and were allowed to snake through security. It was pretty crazy back there, so I texted Jerad and asked him to tell me where to go. What I got instead was a happy Marty as a tour guide.

A few minutes later, Suz and I were brought into a really noisy room. My Monkeys, Scott, and Brady were there but so were other bands. Gus was chilling out in the corner of the room. I didn't know who knew about Jackson and I, so Suz and I just kinda hung back until someone said something.

We only got to stay for a few minutes. The bands had things to do, and I Suzy and I were really hungry after all the dancing and singing and jumping around we did. We waved and smiled as we left, me keeping my eyes off of Jackson, and went out to grab some grub. While we ate, I told Suzy how I felt that maybe Jackson wouldn't wanna deal with the situation and just walk away all together.

A couple of hours later, after having some food and Suzy calming me down, we were back at the venue to enjoy the second show. We decided to watch from the side of the stage and ended up running into Brady and Gus. Suzy immediately ignored everything to play with Gus, giving Brady and I a chance to talk for a bit.

"I didn't know if you'd make it."

"Yeah, well… SBL isn't about Jackson," I smiled. "I wanted to be here and celebrate."

He gave me a big smile and then playfully punched my arm.

"Make him work for it, okay? Forgive him, but make sure he earns you back."

"Can I keep you?" I joked.

"Depends. Is Suzy single?"

I giggled as I repeatedly slapped his arm, causing him to laugh and Suzy to ask what the hell was so funny. He took off with Gus following behind him and me with a big smile on my face.

And the smile just kept getting bigger.

The power during the second show went out for some reason. While that normally would've been a pain in the ass for a performer, the bands at SBL were anything but. They played some songs acoustically, got the crowd to chant, and even had a dance off. That's right, a dance off. I have never laughed so much or so hard in my entire life. I don't know what Jackson was trying to go for, but his future as a dancer in a Lady Gaga video was in serious jeopardy. Jerad and Graupner were definitely not helping that situation.

When the lights finally came back on, the show went on with just as much mayhem and fun as before. Every band went through its set, and the crowd was loving every second of it. By the time my Monkeys took the stage, everyone was half-crazed. Jackson's declaration of "I fuckin love Texas" after the improv song threw the girls into an even bigger fit. It was pretty funny to watch. And cute.

After "Thunderdome" was played and felt throughout the venue, Suzy and I headed backstage. It was complete chaos throughout the halls with everyone walking by and whooping and hollering. The energy was infectious, and I couldn't keep from smiling and laughing.

When we finally found the guys, they were sweaty and drinking and being loud as fuck. In all the madness, I didn't even notice Kristina was there until she hugged me. At first, she gave me a look of concern and then shot Jackson a look of "I will kill you," but I wasn't going to let that drama affect the feeling in the room. So, I shook my head, smiled, and hugged her again.

After I introduced her and Molly – who we found a few minutes later - we partied for a while, drinking and probably making more noise than absolutely necessary, but we had fun. It was nice to have that feeling again with the guys. After they went out to talk with some of the fans, the party eventually moved to the hotel. After a couple of hours, though, the beer and shots were starting to hit me really hard, and I was exhausted from being all sorts of emotional all day. I gave a general goodbye to the room, knowing that I'd see them all the next day. Suzy and I stumbled out of the room and headed toward the elevator.

"Baby Gi— Iris?"

_Fuck a duck._

"Yeah?"

Jackson looked at me and then at Suzy, doing that "Can we have a moment alone?" thing with his eyes. I looked back at Suzy to see if she had gotten his message.

"Oh, look! Elevator buttons," she said, pushing the two buttons for the elevator repeatedly.

Jackson walked backward a bit, away from the elevator and his hotel room door, and I followed.

"We're still talking tomorrow, right?"

I knew he was half in the bag with all the alcohol flowing through his system, but I could tell he was serious and sincerely concerned.

"Yeah. Just call me when you're up."

"Okay," he smiled.

I walked away, without the panic that time, and shoved Suzy aside as she made drunken goofball faces at me while continuing to play with the elevator buttons. Once the elevator door opened, I looked over to where Jackson and I had talked only to find him still standing there. I gave him a quick wave and got inside.

I woke up to my phone ringing and my head pounding.

"Dear God, who are you and why are you bothering me?" I grumbled.

"Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?" Jackson asked quietly.

I smiled.

"No, no."

And then I tried sitting up.

"Ugh. Maybe," I moaned.

He chuckled, and I couldn't help but smile as I rubbed my forehead to try and stop the pain of my drunken craziness.

"I just woke up, too. How long do you need to get ready?"

"An hour? I need to take a really long shower. I smell. And I think Suzy's still sleeping, so I need to wake her ass up."

"Suzy's awake now, you loud ass whore."

I didn't even need to look over to know she had her face buried in the pillow. She was also probably flipping me off.

"An hour," I confirmed and then hung up.

Forty-five minutes later, I was showered, dressed, and on the verge of throwing up. The alcohol had nothing to do with it, though.

"You need to calm down, or you're gonna spew all over yourself."

"I can't! I'm about to have _the_ talk. This could make or break everything. What if I can't get past all of it? What if I wanna work on it, and he doesn't? What if I start crying like a crazy person and have to be hospitalized for a break down?"

"Now you're just talking crazy. Remember to keep things calm. Talk. No yelling. No pointing fingers. He knows he fucked up, and you know he fucked up. It's about figuring out where to go from there."

"I hate it when you're all logical and level-headed."

"You love me for it. Balances out your crazy ass," she smiled. "I'm gonna go get something to eat, so I don't have that awkward thing about leaving the room when he gets here. Call me if you need anything."

She gave me a small hug and then walked out. And I started pacing again.

I jumped about three feet in the air when I heard the knock on the door. I gave myself a quick once over to make sure I wasn't covered in sweat or vomit or hives. When I somewhat pulled myself together, I opened the door. Jackson walked in holding a bag and looking really nervous.

"I brought greasy food. I know it helps you with your hangover," he kinda smiled.

"Thanks."

He reached into the bag and set some aluminum containers on one of the beds. He sat on the other and pulled what I assumed to be his food out. I quietly sat down with my food and started opening shit up, finding a veggie omelet and hashbrowns.

"You still love hashbrowns, right?"

"Yeah," I smiled.

He nodded and then started digging in to whatever dead animal feast he had in front of him. I almost laughed out loud that he had two cups of coffee with him. It was just so Jackson.

We talked a little about the show as we ate, but we were both stalling. Or maybe he was afraid to talk about the real shit we needed to while there was throwable food in my vicinity.

When we were finished, I grabbed my empty stuff and his empty stuff and stuffed them into a bag to throw away.

"Is this how shit's going to be between us from now on? We don't talk, and everything's awkward?" he suddenly asked.

"I don't know how to start something like this," I admitted.

I went back to sitting on the bed, facing him directly. I fiddled with my shoelaces while he stared at me. I guess he couldn't take the silence any more than I could, because he was the first to speak up.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you're sorry, Jackson. That's not the point."

"Then tell me what to do to fix this."

"That's just it. I don't know. I can't trust you anymore. Do you know what that feeling's like? I love you, but I can't trust you?"

"You still love me?" he asked.

"Don't bullshit me, J. You know I do. That's _why_ I'm having such a fucking hard time with this. After what you did, I don't _want_ to. Because I don't wanna have to worry that you'll do it again. I don't wanna have to worry about where you're going or who you're with."

"But it's not gonna happen again!"

"Can you promise me that? You told me you weren't the cheating type, but then you say you were drunk. What about the next time you go get tanked and fuck someone else? What do I do then?"

I got up from the bed and walked to the opposite side of the room to pace back and forth.

"And do you know how hard it is for me to not touch you? I can't even think about giving you a hug without thinking about the fact that you had your hands all over some random chick. It makes my skin crawl, Jackson."

"I fucked up! I know I did. I did the one thing I told you I would never fucking do—"

"Why?"

"Why what? Why did I fuck her?"

"Yeah. I wanna know."

"I don't know why."

"Because all I can think about is that maybe I just wasn't enough anymore or you didn't wanna be with me while you were out on the road or that you've been wanting out for a while."

"That's ridiculous."

"Is it? As ridiculous as you fucking someone else when you said that you loved me and you'd never cheat?"

He shot up off the bed and came over to stand right in front of me. He looked pissed, but then again, so was I.

"I. Fucked. Up. I'm sorry. I can say that until I'm blue in the face if you want. But I'm gonna continue to make mistakes and fuck shit up."

And then he brought his hands up to my face like he wanted to hold it. I really wanted to back away, but I knew that it was important for him to do what he needed to. So I let him. And his hands felt amazing. And his eyes were amazing. And his lips looked amazing.

"But I love you," he said, his voice softer. "I'll do whatever you need me to do so that we can work through this. You wanna talk everyday? We'll do that. You wanna install a camera in my hat so you can see what I'm doing all the time? Sounds good."

He paused and then took several deep breaths before he spoke again.

"If you wanna take a break, I'll do that. I won't like it, but if that's what you need, then that's what'll happen."

"I don't know what I want," I said, moving away from his so he wasn't touching me anymore. "How are we supposed to make this work when I don't see you?"

"We didn't see each other before, and we were fine."

"We didn't see each other before, and look at where we are now."

This look of _something_ came over Jackson's face, and his eyes got a little wide. I thought back to what I had said to figure out why he was reacting the way he was.

"I need you to listen to me _very_ carefully."

He walked over and then walked me to the bed to sit me down. He crouched down in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"I don't know if this makes sense, but what I did has nothing to do with you."

"What do you mean?"

"It wasn't because we weren't together or because I missed you or any of that bullshit. I can't tell you why I did it, but I can tell you why I didn't. It just happened. It was a fucking mistake that I'll never live down and I'm always going to regret. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. And the only thing I know is that I just want you happy, whether that's with me or not. But I would really rather it be with me," he smirked.

And then I was crying. I knew I was going to, but I figured it was because I would be so mad at him that I would break out the tears. I didn't think shit would go down like this.

"You're pulling out the big guns," I hiccupped.

His hands were holding my face again, and I stopped breathing for just one second. I wanted him to kiss me, but I knew I wasn't ready. And because Jackson is Jackson and he knows me better than I know myself sometimes, he didn't kiss me. He just held my face and looked me in the eyes.

"I gotta do whatever I can."

He broke eye contact with me and looked down at our hands. He took a deep breath and then asked me _the_ question, keeping his eyes off of me.

"Where does this leave us?"

I looked down at our hands, watching him play with my fingers while he refused to look at me. It would've been the most difficult thing for me to walk away from everything, to tell him he fucked up in the worst way and that I was done. I would've had every right to do it. I could've gotten up and told him that he had crossed a line that no amount of apologizing or sweet talk could ever make right. I could've said that he broke my trust in a way that couldn't be fixed no matter how hard we tried to make it work. I could've walked away and thought back on him as my first love or the guy who fucked everything up.

But looking down at him while he crouched in front of me and held my hands, I just _knew_ what I wanted.

"We can try," I said, still crying.

He head shot up.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I nodded, pulling one of my hands out from his grip to wipe my face.

He let out this big exhale that was half relief and half laughter before he stood up. He was still holding my hand, so I ended up getting off the bed. And then he was giving me a look that I knew well. He didn't have to say anything.

I walked toward him and very slowly put my arms around his neck. I felt his hands go around my waist.

We hugged.

And I didn't panic or wanna take a step back. Because I knew that I would've always wondered, whether I wasn't as strong as I wanted to be or our relationship was never strong at all or what might've been had I not let my anger and doubt get in the way. I didn't wanna take that chance, not with him. He was my Jackson. He was my Jackson who had massively fucked up, yeah, but he was _mine_. I wasn't ready to give him up, yet. I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight with him and for him and yell and be calm and analyze and eventually laugh and love like I knew we could.

Because what we had just wasn't something either of us could walk away from.

* * *

**Reviews are like post-cheating Jackson hugs: They make me nervous, but I want them anyway.**


	30. Love Takes Time

**Thanks for re-visiting Jackris. **

**No translations. **

**Corresponding blogpost: bit . ly / dTDlOu**

* * *

"Hey," he said, worry across his face. "Kelly said you were freaking out. What's going on?"

"I can't do this," I mumbled.

He sighed and closed the door, leaning against it. He stared at me for a bit and then walked over, taking my face in my hands.

"Cold feet?"

"Sorta," I sighed.

I didn't wanna see the look of disappointment on his face, so I kept my eyes on his chest. And then I realized just how good he looked.

"Nice suit."

"Oh, you know. Special occasion and all," he chuckled.

His arms went around my waist, holding me in a tight hug. I automatically buried my face in his neck.

"If it's too soon, you don't have to do it. You can try later."

I hugged him a little tighter, because that was _exactly_ what I needed to hear. He was giving me the option of backing out. But when I really thought about it, I couldn't see myself not doing it. The nerves would be there, obviously, but it'd be over quickly.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm ready now. I guess I just needed reinforcements."

He stepped away from me and gave me a quick kiss. I smiled when he pulled away, sighing and then finally opening my eyes.

"You look beautiful, by the way," he smirked.

"Special occasion and all," I joked.

He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair.

"You ready?"

I jumped up and down a bit, hoping not to break my ankles with the heels I had on, shook my hands out, and cracked my neck.

"Let's do this," I nodded.

"Whatever you say, Rocky," he laughed, taking my hand and leading me out.

_**3 months before…**_

I wish I could say that things after that were smooth, and we did nothing but smile and hold hands and skip through a field of daisies. It was anything but that, to be honest. In fact, things got worse.

After I went back to New York, Jackson made good on his promise of talking on the phone every day. He was always the one to call since my schedule was pretty much set in the 9-5, and his was all over the place. The first couple of times on the phone, things were quiet and easy. But I was dead set on getting shit out in the open and really working it out. I didn't want things swept under the rug, because I knew they would only end up coming back to bite us in the ass. We said we were gonna talk, and I was determined to talk.

So, completely catching him by surprise, I went in for the kill. I flat out asked him how we were going to get through the cheating debacle. I needed him to know what I was dealing with, so I told him that I didn't trust him. I didn't know if I could ever forget, but I wanted to learn how to forgive.

He didn't say anything.

And then I dropped the ball. I told him that his whole "I don't know why I cheated" explanation wasn't working for me. I told him it wasn't a valid reason, that it was basically a cop out, and I wanted to know why he did what he did.

That's pretty much when shit hit the fan.

He couldn't - or wouldn't - give me a reason, so I kept pestering him, hoping to get him to blurt out some sort of confession like he was on _SVU_ or something. I wanted to get an honest answer out of him. I wanted him to tell me exactly where either of us had gone wrong, so we could discuss and analyze and wear the fucking topic out. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, thinking about how much he hurt me and how angry I was at him.

What ended up happening was us getting into yelling matches for two days. He kept saying he didn't have a reason, and I kept calling bullshit. I told him if he couldn't give me a reason, then my trust in him could never be restored. And if that was the case, then we didn't have any business trying to work shit out or staying together. That little ditty set him off enough to hang up on me.

And then the next day, I did what I thought was best for the both of us: I broke up with him.

It only lasted two days, mind you, but I said those two little words: I'm done.

The first day after the break up, I didn't hear from him. I was actually kinda surprised. Maybe I had gotten used to him trying to get back into my good graces because of the flowers and the texts and the phone calls from before. That first day, though? Nothing.

It was the next day when things took a turn for the unexpected.

I was walking home after work, completely exhausted and just pissed the fuck off at the world, when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Iris."

I stopped dead in my tracks.

_Oh, shit_.

"Hi, Randee."

_Motherfucker called his mama?_

"How are you?" I asked.

"Concerned. How are you?"

_Feeling like I could take on a gang of ninjas with the amount of rage I have inside me._

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I swear. You and my son are the same type of liar."

"Excuse me?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"He called me this afternoon. I could tell right away that something was wrong. He kept telling me he was fine, though, much in the same way you just did."

"Oh."

"And then he told me what was going on."

"Oh, crap."

"That's what I thought, except my language was a little more colorful."

And then she said something I will _never_ forget.

"I'm happy you did what you did, hon."

_Wait. What?_

"What? Wait. What did he tell you?"

"Everything."

I didn't know how to respond to that. Randee and Papa Rathbone had become very important people in my life and I love their son madly, but I didn't know if I should just stay quiet or bust out with how much he was a vortex of suck at that moment.

"I promised Jack I wouldn't get involved. This is something between you and Jackson. I just wanted to say some things and then let you go do what it is you think is right."

"Okay…"

"First, I wanted to let you know that we did not raise Jackson to be this way. Jack nearly had a fit when he found out what Jackson had done. He was brought up to love and respect all women, especially someone he claims to be _in_ love with. Now, I'm not naïve enough to believe that he's always been a saint, but this was never something that crossed my mind."

I was only a block away from my place at that point. I was starting to cry, and I didn't want to have people look at me and think I was one of those batshit crazy Brooklyn peeps that kids are told to stay away from. So, while she continued to talk, I walked as quickly as I could to the house, ran up the stairs, and marched right into my bedroom. I tried to stay quiet while she said what she needed to, but I think she heard my sniffles because she suddenly sighed.

"I know this isn't easy on you, and I'm sorry if I'm making it worse."

"No, it's not that. I miss him, Randee. You know I love him. But he can't even give me a reason why. How are we supposed to try and make things better when we don't even know what went wrong?"

"And you're right. You can't work on any of this if you don't have answers. That's a long discussion that needs to happen between you and Jackson. I just want you to know that he loves you. I probably know more about you than you think I do, and you have Jackson to thank for that because you're all any of us have heard about for almost a year. Honey, you've been so good to and for him, which I know adds even more to the questions you must have about his actions. This is just a mother's opinion, but I really want you to think about whether ending things with Jackson is going to make either of you better people. He may not have the answers you want right now, but I'm sure he'll find them soon enough. And I'd hate for him to lose you and what he had with you. Please don't make any serious decisions while you're angry."

"But I thought you were happy about the fact that I ended things," I sobbed.

"I am, because it shows to me that you're the type of person that wants all of Jackson, not just a part of him. There are so many people out there that only want him for maybe one or two things. You, though, want him entirely. You want his mind, his heart, his trust. You're not willing to settle for anything less, and that lets me know that we raised him to recognize a great woman when he sees one. Plus, he's never called to talk to me about something like this before. That's… That's pretty big."

I sat on my bed for a bit, crying and trying to quiet the hysterical sob that wanted to jump outta my chest.

"Thank you," I said, clearing my throat.

"I'll let you go, sweetie. If you need anything, though, call me. I may be his mother, but I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. Okay?"

"Okay. Please tell Papa Rathbone I said hi."

"I will. Take care."

"Bye."

No sooner had I ended the call and taken a deep breath did I hear a knock on the door. It slowly opened, and Meara gave me a sad smile and waved a spoon and a carton of ice cream. Even Bastian was hanging back a bit.

I gave her a small nod and Bastian came running in and jumped on the bed, sitting himself down in my lap. Meara sat down across from me and handed me the ice cream.

"Do you want me to call Suzy?" she asked.

"No. I need to give her a night off from all my drama."

The day before when I had broken up with Jackson, I ended up crying myself to sleep at Suzy's. I had been there for six hours and kept her awake much longer than she was used to when she had to work the next morning.

"Okay. Talk to me."

And I did. For three hours. Even Bastian sat there and listened to me the entire time without falling asleep, but that could've been because he was trying to dig into the ice cream container when he thought we weren't paying attention.

"So, what's the game plan?" she asked, pushing her glasses up her nose.

"I need to call him."

She looked like she wanted to say something but didn't. She nodded and gave me a small smile before she walked out, taking the empty ice cream tub and Bastian with her.

I looked at the time on my phone and knew that he wouldn't be able to talk then, so I grabbed a cig and walked out to the balcony. Just as I thought, his phone went to voicemail.

"Hey, it's me," I started off. "I know you're busy right now, but I'd like to talk to you. Can you give me a call later when you're done? I don't care what time it is. Just call me."

I took a deep breath.

"I love you. Bye."

I didn't know if Jackson would actually call back. He could've, for all I knew, been fucking another groupie when I called. In the back of my mind, I knew that it probably wasn't true but I couldn't trust the thought 100% after everything that had gone on. Even still, I called my boss and told her I wasn't feeling well and that I wouldn't be in the next day. She told me to feel better and to take as long as I needed.

I went to bed that night nervous, wondering if I was going to get a call back. And then I worried about what he would have to tell me if he did. Was he done with me? Was he already out fucking other people? Was he having just as bad a time as I was the past few days? When I couldn't take it anymore, I shoved my headphones in my ears and used the _Defiance_ soundtrack to block it all out.

I knew I hadn't been asleep long when I heard Jackson's ringtone.

"Hello," I rasped.

"You called. I didn't think you'd ever call me again."

"I don't want things to be this way," I said, sitting up and yawning. "But you have to give me what I need. I need to know what happened and why."

He stayed quiet, putting the fear of God in me.

"Do you… Do you not wanna be with me anymore?"

"Of course, I do!" he practically yelled. "But do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"That's what we need to work on."

"Okay."

"Good. So tell me."

"You wanna do this now? At three in the morning?"

"Do you not wanna do this then?" I asked, getting frustrated and pissed off.

"Don't you have work in the morning?"

"I called in. I knew that if you called, you'd be calling late. And I really wanna have this conversation."

"What do you mean 'If I called?' Why wouldn't I call you back?"

"Do you really want me to say it?"

"Say what?"

"Ugh. Hold on a second."

I climbed out of bed and threw on my Weezer hoodie. Even though it was close to May, the nights were a little chilly and I didn't wanna have this convo indoors and possibly wake Meara. I grabbed my pack of cigs and a lighter, slipped into my flip-flops, and walked as quietly as I could down the hallway, through the living room, and out the balcony door. It was cold and quiet outside, the only light coming from the stoplight a few houses down.

"Sorry. I didn't wanna wake Meara, so I came outside."

"On the balcony or the front steps? I don't want you outside this late where something can happen to you."

And I smiled.

"I'm on the balcony."

"Okay. So, what did you mean?"

"I honestly didn't know if you would call me back. That's all."

"But why? You know I love you. I _love_ you, Baby Girl. That's not gonna change. I want us to be okay."

"Look at things from my perspective, though. What if I had cheated on you, and I couldn't give you a reason why? Would you ever be able to trust me again? Wouldn't it always be in the back of your mind?"

He let out a big sigh, and I think that's when it hit him just how badly I needed an answer.

"Without knowing why, we won't know how to make this work. We need to build shit up again, and it can't happen without laying it all out there."

I lit a cig and gave him time to say something, but he didn't.

"Tell me what happened. Please, Jackson."

"I can only tell you what I remember," he sighed.

"Just tell me something."

"Fine. We were at whatever venue we were at, just hanging out after the show. We were taking pictures with fans and drinking. I guess I had too many. I remember going in the back, because I needed to piss. I somehow ended up in the dressing room, so I took a seat on the couch. I heard the door open. At first, I thought it was Ben, but I heard a woman's voice."

I was on the verge of asking him to stop talking. Even though he hadn't said much, I didn't know how much more I could take. But the idea of trying to make things work without knowing what happened didn't sit right with me.

"When I realized it wasn't Ben, I tried moving off the couch but she told me to stay put."

And then he got quiet again.

"Jackson?"

"I remember that she kissed me… and I remember kissing her back," he whispered. "I don't know how anything else happened. I'll swear to that til the day I die. I wasn't even fully aware of what was going on until I heard the door open again, and Ben was standing there. And then everything came into focus. It was like I instantly sobered up. I heard her moaning. I felt her on me. And I felt sick. Ben took off without saying anything. I tried to get up, but I guess she thought I was getting into it or something. I shoved her off of me and stood up. She tried talking to me and giving me her number while I got my pants back on. And then she just walked out."

I sat there stunned, crying like an idiot and doing my best to not throw up. I didn't know what to say. I could barely remember how to breathe, let alone try and put one word in front of another to create a sentence.

"I know I should've told you all of this sooner, but I was trying to remember how it went from one thing to another. I can't remember anything leading up to it. And that's the God's honest truth, Iris."

He was quiet for a while as I just fucking sobbed. It wasn't what I was expecting to hear. I thought that maybe he had gone out looking for someone. It still didn't make hearing him say it any easier. But now I knew. And I had questions.

"Why did you kiss her back?" I choked out.

"I don't know."

"Jackson, that's—"

"No. You have to hear me on this. I really don't know why. I was drunk. People do stupid shit when they're drunk. People drive and fight and fuck people they don't know when they're drunk. It's part of being fucked up. You lose the ability to realize what's going on around you."

"What about the next time you get drunk, though? Do I have to worry or ask you what happened every time I see a pic of you with a drink in your hand? Are you suddenly gonna quit drinking?"

"I know what it's like to not have you in my life. I'm not going to do anything to make that happen again. If you want me to stop drinking, I will. If you want Ben to chaperone me every time there's a beer nearby, he'll do it. But part of us working is getting you to trust me again. Can we start off with you trusting that I'm never, _ever_ going to do anything like that again?"

It was too soon. I wanted to say that I could and would, but it would've been a lie. Everything was still too fresh, and I needed him to _prove_ to me that I could trust him. But I also wanted to meet him halfway.

"I _want_ to trust you. I can't just say that I will, but I'll try. But you have to prove it to me, Jackson. You have to prove to me that I can trust you again."

"I promise. I promise," he said.

In fact, he kept repeating it over and over again, almost as if he was trying to drill it into my brain. I let the words sink in as I calmed down. He was making a promise to me; a promise to prove that I could trust him again. I honestly didn't know how he was going to do it, but I wanted him to show me that I was important enough to keep that kind of a promise.

"Are you outside?" I suddenly asked.

"No."

"The sun's coming up. You should see it. It's really pretty."

I heard some movement and then a door open. His teeth chattered, and I yelled at him to either go back inside and stay there or to get something to keep him warm. He chuckled and then _promised_ me that he was getting his jacket. He found a place where he could really see the sky and we just stayed on the phone, smoking and watching the sun rise.

"You should get some sleep," he said after ten minutes. "I'll call you later today."

"You don't have to. You need to sleep, too."

"I'm going to call you later whether you like it or not, so there's no point in arguing with me."

"Fine," I laughed. "Get some sleep, okay?"

"You bet."

"Alright."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Bye."

I spent most of the next day trying to get the girls to keep from kicking my ass. I had a lot of smoothing over to do with Juanita, because she was ready to hop on a plane and find him to rearrange his face. And then I had to stop her from rearranging mine, because she couldn't believe that I had agreed to work things out with him. I had to remind her, though, that my relationship with Jackson was _my_ relationship with Jackson. While I understood why she was upset and all skeptical about what I was doing and Jackson's explanation, I needed her to just be there for me. It took an hour of yelling and cursing at each other in Spanish before she realized what the deal was. And then we made plans to watch a _House_ marathon that weekend. That's just how we roll.

Everyone else, with the exception of Suzy, wasn't happy with my decision, either. They all gave me the same lectures and lines and frowny faces that Juanita had. Suzy, though, said she knew all along that I would give Jackson another chance.

"It's not that you're a doormat, Iris. It's that you do everything from the heart. You never stood a chance."

I knew she was concerned that I would end up hurt again, but she also just wanted me to be happy.

Jackson called me that night to let me know that he had two tickets to Bamboozle with my name on them if I wanted to go and see the band in New Jersey. I nearly fell off my bed. He was a little shocked that I was willing to see him so soon after our big discussion or whatever, but I knew that I needed to take every opportunity to see him. His upcoming schedule was going to be crazy, and I wasn't entirely sure when I would get to spend time with him again.

And Bamboozle was fun. Crazy but fun. The boys were super excited and nervous, and it was almost a little funny to watch them squirm. For whatever reason, Jackson looked like a cracked out Willie Nelson, but his new haircut was swoon-worthy. They played a great acoustic set and an even better full set. The crowd loved them despite not many of them knowing who they were. It was great to see them finally getting some more recognition out of the _Twilight_ fandom.

That day was just full of win all around. With Benny's birthday a few days away and the high of their performance, everyone was really happy and kinda all over the place. I got a sweaty but fanfuckingtastic hug from Benny when I was finally able to get some time with him. He laughed and promised he would make good use of the Jheri Curl spray and hair pick I got him as a gag gift. Graupner and I broke out into the Soul Glow jingle from _Coming to America_.

That's when I noticed Jackson sorta off to the side looking at me.

Being around him was still a little weird. I was so used to touching and hugging and kissing him that it almost seemed like second nature. I had to actually hold myself back from being so casual with him. I still had some walls up about him having his hands all over me when he had done what he did. In the end, though, I reasoned that I needed to move past it, for my sake as well as our relationship.

I left Bamboozle with three hugs, some hand-holding, and one sweet but much needed kiss.

The following weeks were pretty chaotic. So much was happening with Jackson's career that my head was ready to pop off and spin. Everything from _Eclipse_ and _The Last Airbender_ promotion to stills from _Girlfriend_ being released to this photoshoot with him in leather that reminded me just how fucking hot he was kept popping up. I'm not even gonna lie about it. That photoshoot made me clench.

"It made you clench, huh?"

"Don't even start fucking teasing me about it," I warned, only slightly serious.

"It's good to know I still have that impact on you."

"Bite me."

"With pleasure," he responded, and I could actually tell he was smirking.

Since Bamboozle, Jackson and I talked every day. Things were starting to get easier and less tension-filled with every talk. We had gone back to our trademark snarkiness and goofiness. It felt like how things were in the beginning with us, and I was okay with that.

"I'm not happy about the leather, though. There's some poor cow out there that's freezing to death, because you're wearing its skin."

"I doubt it's still even alive, Baby Girl."

"La la la la! I'm not listening!"

"It's dead, Iris!" he yelled over me. "I probably had it for lunch months ago. I'm sure it was quite delicious."

We went on like that for a few minutes, being silly and goofy and _us_, before he had to get off the phone and hand me over to Graupner.

Things between the boys and I had gone completely back to normal. I knew I couldn't be pissed at them for not telling me. It wasn't their place. And when I really thought about it, I knew that I would've been even more pissed had someone other than Jackson told me the truth. I guess Jackson's need to not have any lies or secrets between us worked out for the best when it came to my friendship with each of the guys. It actually worked out pretty well for Jackson and I, too.

The rest of the month passed pretty quickly. I actually got to spend some quality cellphone time with Rob when I called to give him a Mexican happy birthday. I had expected his phone to go straight to voicemail, but he picked up the call. I was sad that the mariachi music I had set up to play as the message was going to go to waste. But when Nikki didn't pick up for her birthday call a few days later, I used it then. She called me back saying she had no idea what was being said, but she was sure it was festive. I spent a lot of time studying the days leading up to my LSAT exam. After it was over, I was pretty sure I had fucked shit up but both Suzy and Jackson told me they were sure I had done fine.

May was close to ending, and I was happy that the month had been less dramatic and that Jackson and I were doing _so_ much better than we had been four weeks earlier. As if I needed any more reassurance that we were back on track, he called me one afternoon with some serious and not so serious news.

"I'm going to demand that you keep the weekend of the 11th free."

"Uh, okay. Why?"

"The press junket for _Eclipse_ is going to be that weekend in LA, and I want you there with me."

"You want me to what?"

"I want you to ask off from work that Friday and following Monday, accept the plane ticket I want to buy you, fly here, and spend all of my free time that weekend with me."

"Jackson, that's work. That's _serious_ work. I don't wanna bother—"

"If it was a bother, I wouldn't ask you to do it. Please? I miss you. And the rest of the group misses you, too."

After all the shit had gone on with Jackson and his cheating penis, I spent a lot of time on the phone with Nikki. She was a big help when it came to balancing out my rage with my mushiness towards the bastard. When I felt comfy enough, I went ahead and called Kristen, Ashley, and Kellan about what happened. It wasn't that I was being a gossip or trying to be all "Oh, look at me. I'm the poor helpless victim. Let's string Jackson up by his balls!" or anything. They were our friends, and even though it wasn't technically their business, I loved and trusted them all enough to let them know what happened so that there weren't any secrets between us. I also told them that I didn't want anybody walking on eggshells around us about it.

"Are you sure? What about Summit? I don't want you to get in trouble for having me there."

"Patch already made sure it's okay. Just say the word, and you have a pass to the convention. You can't be there for the junket, obviously, but the guys said they'd keep you company."

"Yes."

Silence.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," I smiled.

I missed him. I really did. And I really missed the group and wanted to see them. Plus, I heard LA in June is pretty awesome. I had some personal time saved up that I could use. So, when I really thought about it, I didn't have one reason to not go.

"Well, that was easy," he mumbled. "I thought I was gonna have to fight you more on it. I had a whole speech prepared and everything."

"Really?" I laughed.

"You're pretty stubborn," he chuckled.

I then heard a girl's voice in the background, and I immediately tensed up. There was no way - _no way -_ he would do something like that to me again after everything we had gone through.

"There you are," I heard her say.

She sounded young.

"Who's that?" I asked without trying to sound like a jealous and insecure girlfriend ready to kick him in the balls.

"It's Nicola."

And I let out the sigh of relief.

"Who are you talking to?" I heard her ask.

"It's Iris."

"Oh! Hi, Iris. I've heard so much about you."

"Tell her I said hi and that I can't wait to see the movie."

He relayed the message for me, and then she went away just as quickly as she had shown up.

"I didn't know you'd be with Nicola today. Where are you?"

"You promise not to scream?"

"Why would I scream?"

"You have to promise you won't scream, and then I'll tell you."

"Okay. I promise not to scream," I said in a monotone voice.

"I'm at Night's house."

And then I screamed.

"Ow! You said you weren't going to do that."

"You can't just tell me you're at his house and not expect me to have that reaction. What are you doing there?" I shrieked.

"We're all here to screen the movie."

"Oh, wow…"

Suddenly, I heard more than just Nicola's voice in the background.

"I'll let you go," I said, panic at the thought of just who was in the room with him.

"What?" he mockingly gasped. "You don't wanna talk to Night? I can put you on speakerphone."

"Monroe Jackson Rathbone, don't you _dare_!"

"Holy cow. She just full-named me. She's never full-named me before," he chuckled.

And then I heard it.

"You're in trouble now."

It was M Night. It was M Night!

"I'm hanging up now," I told Jackson.

I didn't give him a chance to answer me. I just hung up.

_I'm going to kill you for that! – Iris_

_I'm looking forward to it. And he thinks you're funny, by the way. – JAction_

I spent the next week finalizing my trip details with Patch, talking to the guys about what they were going to have me do to keep busy while Jackson was doing the junket thing, wishing Jerad a happy birthday, drooling over Jackson's _Nylon Guys_ photoshoot, and watching him pick out what to wear for the MTV Movie Awards.

"Please tell me that you're not going to wear that?" I said, looking at the picture he had just sent me.

"Why not? What's wrong with it?" he laughed.

"You're going to look like a smurf. You're going to look like a shiny blue Elvis smurf."

"Too much blue?"

"Too much everything," I responded, making sure there was a "Blech" thrown in there for good measure.

We talked a little bit more about his upcoming week and everything that was gonna happen the weekend of my trip out to LA for the junket. The more we talked, the more I thought about coming clean with him about how I had immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion when I heard Nicola's voice the week before. I didn't want to make him feel any worse after all the progress we'd made, but I owed it to the both of us to be honest about it. It was a sign that we still had a ways to go but that I, as his girlfriend, now felt comfy enough to talk to him about it.

"I have something to tell you," I said once the clothing talk was done.

"Oh, no, you don't. You're not getting out of this trip, Iris."

"No, it's not that."

"Is this a serious something you have to tell me?" he asked, losing the joking vibe to his voice.

"Yeah."

"Okay…"

I took a deep breath.

"Last week when you were at Night's house, I heard Nicola's voice before you told me who it was and I assumed the worst."

"You thought—"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?" he sighed.

"Because! We've worked _so_ hard to get past this. And it's not necessarily that I don't trust you. It was just my initial reaction. I don't want you to think that I'll never get past this."

"Listen to me. Are you listening?"

"Yeah…"

"You have nothing, _nothing_, to apologize to me for. I fucked up what we had, and I expect that you're going to have some moments where you're not entirely sure about everything."

"But—"

"No, no. No interrupting."

I stayed quiet.

"Good," he said, then sighed. "I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt that you're having these reactions, but I can't blame you for them. I did something that I'll always regret. I unfortunately can't change that. But I wasn't lying when I said that I would do whatever it takes to prove to you that you can trust me. Okay?"

I stayed quiet.

"You can talk now, by the way," he chuckled.

"I love you."

"I don't deserve you," he mumbled. "I really wish there was something I could do to show you I'm serious."

I was about to give him this grand speech about how he was already doing that, how this was just a fall out from all the shit that'd happened, and how we _were_ getting through it. But he interrupted me before I could even say anything.

"The jacket."

"Huh?"

"The blue jacket!"

"Your smurf cape? What about it?"

"I'm gonna wear it to show you how serious I am."

"Oh, come on," I laughed.

"I'm not joking."

_Holy shit._

"Jackson, please don't wear that jacket. It's hideous!"

"I know it is, but that's kinda the point."

"You lost me," I said, confused.

"Exactly. I almost lost you, and I'm not gonna let that happen again. I know this jacket's ridiculous, but I'm gonna wear it so you know I'm serious about proving that you can trust me."

"You're gonna embarrass yourself by wearing that jacket to prove to me that I can trust you again?"

"Yeah."

"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard."

"Yep."

"You know the press and the fashion people are going to crucify you for wearing that thing."

"I don't care."

"You don't have to do this, J. I know you're serious. This reaction thing isn't a big deal."

"I'm making it a big deal."

"Why?"

"Because I love you, and there's no amount of humiliation I'm not willing to go through for you."

And he wore it. Dear God, he actually wore it. He looked like a shiny smurf as he walked the carpet. He seemed so proud of that horrific jacket, and all Suzy and I could do as we watched was point and laugh. But he stuck to his guns and showed it off. He sashayed. The fucker sashayed like he was on the runway for RuPaul.

"He looks ridiculous."

"I know."

"He looks _really_ ridiculous."

"Yep."

"Good," Suzy smiled.

I elbowed her for that comment, but I knew what she was talking about. Because, in the blinding reflection of that shiny blue jacket, I had a feeling that things between my shiny blue Elvis and I would be okay.

The day before I flew out to LA, Dad and I got into a fight - a huge effin fight. Of course, it had to do with Jackson. I was partially to blame, though. In the craziness that was trying to work things out with him, the sudden trip to LA, and finding out that I _had_ failed my LSATs, I forgot to tell my parents that I was flying out for the junket.

Dad flipped a shit.

He went on and on about how Jackson was to blame for the LSATs situation. He then called me a doormat, because I had taken him back "without even thinking about it." Unfortunately, the temper I inherited came from Dad and not Mom, so I ended up yelling back at him. I told him he had no idea what I had gone through, - what _we_ had gone through - to get things back on track. But I also knew that he was being mean daddy man, because he loves me, wants me to be happy, and also had no real idea how to go about the whole thing since Jackson was the guy that had all my firsts.

When we finally calmed down, we talked it out. I cried. He sniffled and said he wasn't crying. I told him that I appreciated his worry but that I was wearing my big girl footie pajamas and knew what was right for me. I reminded him that taking Jackson back wasn't a mistake, and even if it was, it was something I would later learn from. He laughed then and said it was a good thing I was going into law, because I could sell ice to an Eskimo.

He told me he loved me and to have fun in LA.

"I need to call your dad and apologize," Jackson said as he drove us to the hotel everyone was staying at.

He had picked me up at the airport, completely surprising the shit outta me, and immediately kissed me once we were out of view. And like a dumbass, he apologized because he didn't think that maybe it was too soon for me. I told him to shut up and kiss me again, because it wasn't.

"Don't worry about him. He's just being a dad," I said as I took his free hand.

He looked over and smiled at me, giving my hand a squeeze.

When we arrived at the hotel the studio had gotten for him, he handed me a key to a separate room. A _separate_ room. I looked at him like his hair was made out of gummy worms, and then I shoved him outta the way as I walked down the hallway to take the elevator to the front desk. I told the clerk that the room would not be needed and to please refund the money to whomever had paid for it.

He didn't say anything to me when I got back up to our floor. He did say anything to me as I walked toward him and our room. He didn't say anything to me as we walked in and I put my bag on the bed.

"You gonna continue to be all mute and stare at me, or are you going to ask whatever question it is that you have floating around in there?" I asked him as I walked over to plug in my iPhone.

"You're really okay with staying in the same room as me? Sharing a bed?"

"You're not getting any action this weekend, if that's what you're getting at," I smiled.

He smiled back, but I could tell he was still confused.

"Did you know that one of the things I loved best about us was the cuddling?"

He smirked a little.

"Because even though we were both smelly and our breath stank and you have a vice grip that cuts off circulation, it was just you and me," I shrugged. "I miss that. I want that back. And I think'd it be good for us to just have that simple little something that can help us work up to reacquainting our naughty parts."

His eyebrows shot up.

"Don't give me that look. I'm horny as hell, Jackson," I laughed, settling down at my next thought. "But I'm also a little scared."

He pushed off the wall and came over to sit next to me on the bed.

"I love you, and I'm fucking terrified that you're going to hurt me again. But it took me some time to realize that it's normal to feel that way in any relationship. So, if you can just bear with me a little longer, we'll eventually get there."

He leaned over and brought me in for a hug. I buried my face in his neck while he did the same.

"I'm so happy we could have this conversation," I muttered into his neck.

He laughed which caused me to laugh.

"Things usually go better when I don't say anything."

"Men should be seen and not heard," I giggled.

He pulled back and tried giving me a scowly face but dropped it right away. His face grew serious, and I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"I know, I know," I interrupted. "When I'm ready."

He smiled that fucking smile that makes my knees weak.

"Plant one," I smirked, pointing at my lips.

And he did. It was a nice little make-out session until the knocking on the door interrupted us.

Nikki and Ashley came in, letting me have a girly moment as I hugged them. It had been forever since I'd seen them in person. We sat on the bed and talked while Jackson stood out on the balcony and smoked a cig.

The cast had things to do as a cast, so Jerad came over to the hotel to pick me up after I had taken a shower to wash off the yucky airplane grime. I spent most of the night getting back to my comfort zone of cooking in Kristina's kitchen and having beers in the backyard.

After Jackson was done with whatever he had to do, he came over to get me but ended up eating leftovers and talking to Jerad about stuff for _Girlfriend_ and blah blah blah. It didn't hit me until half an hour into their conversation that he was stalling. When I realized that he was being a pansy ass, I rolled my eyes, chugged my beer, thanked Jerad and Kristina, and then literally dragged his ass out to the car. I could tell by the way he was acting that he knew he'd been caught.

By the time we got to the hotel, I was exhausted. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top to sleep in and changed in the bathroom. Jackson wasn't in the room when I got out, so I grabbed a cig and a lighter, knowing full well that he would be out on the balcony.

His eyes bugged when he saw me.

"What?"

"Can I act like an asshole for two seconds?"

"Just two seconds?" I teased as I lit my cig.

"I don't want you out here when that's all you've got on. A guy could see you or something."

I ignored him, smoked my cig, and then got into bed.

A few seconds after the bathroom light went out, I felt the bed dip but that was _all_ I felt. I moved to lie on my back and then looked to my right to see that Jackson was at the far end of the other side of the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Oh, my God. You're worse than a nun," I mumbled.

I reached over and grabbed his arms, trying my best to drag him closer to me. When that didn't work, I just huffed and plopped down in front of him. I inched closer to him so that my back was touching his chest and then physically grabbed his arm to put it over my waist.

I got comfy and stayed still as I waited to get some sort of response from him. Just as I was about to fall asleep, he hugged me closer to him and I felt him bury his face in my hair.

The next day was effin chaotic. Even though his part of the convention wasn't until around 10am, he had to be somewhere with someone way before that. Rather than sleep in and be a lazy ass, I kissed him and then watched him walk out the door. I showered and grabbed a cab to Jerad and Kristina's. They were still asleep when I showed up and I almost felt bad, but they perked up when I mentioned breakfast. I called the rest of the band, and we were all having _huevos rancheros_ an hour or so later. I explained that, while I wanted to be in the room for his part of the convention, I didn't want to have any more _Eclipse _spoilers than I already had.

The guys took me around and showed me some touristy stuff I didn't get to see the last time I had been there and then dropped me off at a restaurant where I was supposed to meet Patch for lunch. It was nice to spend some time with her since the last time I had seen her was for the _New Moon_ premiere. We ate and chatted for a bit, keeping things light. Then she brought out her Blackberry, and I knew I was in for it.

It turned out that Jackson had been contracted to do a whole shitload of appearances and signings as promo for _The Last Airbender._ He was basically going to be flying from city to city for almost a week and then would be in LA for the _Eclipse_ premiere.

I'm pretty sure my gaping fish impression was working wonders on her, but it still didn't stop her from telling me that Jackson had basically told her to use any matter necessary to get me to agree to go to not only the _Eclipse_ premiere with him but the one for _The Last Airbender_, too.

"Chocolate. I need chocolate," I mumbled.

And before I knew it, there was a piece of chocolate cake in front of me.

_Patch needs a raise. And a medal of honor._

She put her hand on mine and laughed a little at my wigged out reaction. She told me that it wasn't as crazy as it probably sounded, so she sent me an email with everything that he had planned. In it was where he was going, when he was going, and who he was going with. I actually calmed down some when I realized it was going to be a him and Nicola sorta thing.

After lunch, Patch went back to the general area where Jackson was doing interviews, and I waited for one of the guys to come pick me up. I could've actually gone for a nap in the hotel room, having had a busy morning and then an insane as fuck lunch with Patch, but I only had two more days in LA. I didn't want to waste them sleeping.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Graupner and I driving through Beverly Hills as we talked in hoity toity, fake as shit accents and pretended we were going to buy this or buy that or some specific house when we were millionaires. The rest of the crew minus Uncle ended up meeting us at the beach. Growing up in the desert made a girl appreciate the water even more. I was bummed I hadn't brought something to go swimming in, but Benny started talking about how the water wasn't really that safe anyway.

"You're not the only one with saving the animals on the brain," he smiled.

It made me wanna hug him and his Fro of Death.

Just as the lot of us was in the middle of eating some In & Out for dinner, Jackson called to say he'd be done in an hour and that the cast wanted to go out to a bar to relax after the day they'd had. I took that as his way of letting me know to spend some more time with the guys, but then he mentioned he'd be by to pick me up from the hotel in a couple of hours.

We split up then, Graupner taking me back to the hotel while the others went their merry way. I showered, changed, and was smoking a cig when Jackson came back into the room. Rather than say hi or "What's up?" or "I gotta take a piss," he walked right up to me and fucking kissed the shit out of me. He didn't give me a reason. He just did.

A few hours later, Jackson was trying to keep from laughing as I got my drunken ass back to the hotel room. I had been so happy to see Liz and Peter that I kept knocking em back. It had been a shot here, a beer there. Jackson was having a blast laughing at me, that much I remember, but then he had called it quits when I told him we should play Quarters… for articles of clothing.

"That looks _really_ comfy," I slurred, pointing to my intended destination.

"Go get ready for bed," he chuckled at me.

After I changed and brushed the drunken stank outta my mouth, I climbed slash stumbled into bed. A few minutes later, Jackson got in.

Rather than fall asleep right away, I had so much going on in my brain that I couldn't. The liquid courage in my system kept nudging me to ask Jackson something that had crossed my mind every now and then.

"Jackson?" I whispered.

"Hmmm…"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

I tried to think of a way to ask the question without pissing him off but couldn't.

"Nevermind," I said.

I felt him put his hand on my shoulder and move me so I was lying on my back.

"What's up?"

"I wanna ask you something, but I'm afraid it'll start a fight."

His two wobbly faces in my eyeline got serious.

"Talk to me."

I was quiet as I tried to form the question in my head.

"Do you think you would've done what you did if I was prettier?" I mumbled, playing with my cuticles.

"What?" he asked, some shock and annoyance in his tone.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

When I had tried to make sense of why Jackson had cheated, one of the first things that had crossed my mind was that I wasn't enough for him. But I had fought so hard to get past those insecurities that I didn't allow myself to think about it much. Even still, it would pop into my head when I was least expecting it.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Maybe you wouldn't have been tempted or whatever if you could've thought about the fact that you had some hot ass girlfriend waiting for you. I've never been the—"

"Shut up."

I looked over at Jackson, shocked as shit that he had spoken to me like that. But before I could even call him a douche, he moved so he was lying on top of me. It was kinda creeping me out how he was just staring into my eyes. Eventually, though, they started moving to other parts of my face.

"You couldn't be any more beautiful if you tried."

I didn't mean for it to happen, but my eyes started watering.

"I'm sorry I made you doubt that. And I'm _so_ sorry I hurt you."

And then I was just full on crying, sniffling and wiping my face.

_Stupid liquid courage_.

When I was able to fully focus on Jackson's face, he looked so pained. And I just couldn't have that. So I leaned up and kissed him. I let myself get lost in the yumminess that was his mouth… until I started feeling him get hard. Even though I wanted to, I didn't want the bump and grind to happen with me drunk and crying.

"You're squishing me," I grumbled once I pulled away, trying to lighten the situation. "And you're killing my buzz."

He smiled that knee-wobbling smile at me and then buried his face in my neck as he laughed. He kissed it once and then rolled off of me, taking me with him and tucking me into his side.

The next morning, I woke up with a bitch of a hangover and a note from Jackson saying he still had some junket stuff to do but would be done soon. He was really working for it, apparently, because he had fixed it so some greasy brunch was delivered to the room around 11am.

After I inhaled everything, I hopped in the shower, got dressed, smoked a cig, and then sat down on the bed to watch TV. About an hour into it, I heard a serious amount of noise coming from the hallway. The moment I opened the door and stepped out, I was picked up and spun around like a rag doll.

"I missed you!"

"Depending on whom you are, I missed you, too," I joked, knowing full well it was Kellan.

Over the next hour, I finally got to meet up with Rob and Kristen. Then it was just like having things back to normal. We all hung out in one of the rooms, goofing off and being loud. As she was smoking a cig, Kristen noticed paparazzi outside with their cameras turned up to the balcony. Jackson didn't give a shit, but knowing how much I hated the possibility of being photographed, he shot me a look to make sure I was okay.

And then Kellan, dear sweet Kellan, knowing how much I hated the possibility of being photographed, grabbed me around the waist and kept threatening to walk me out to the balcony. When he finally gave up, he joined Jackson outside while I sat on Taylor's lap and talked to Rob and Kristen, adding Nikki and Ashley later.

Before the day was over, I managed to sneak in some time with Peter and his girls. It wasn't very long, because everybody had to take off and do whatever it was that my famous people friends needed to do.

Jackson and I joined Jerad and Kristina for dinner again. I had no idea where the rest of the boys or Molly were, but I figured they were busy if they hadn't stopped by. I made enough food just in case they did or were trying to raid Kristina's fridge later on for leftovers.

Because the weather was spanktubuler, we had dinner outside.

"So, what did you two do for your one year?" Kristina asked, taking a bite of her salad.

All I could do was raise my eyebrows and grunt since my mouth was full.

"Your one year. You guys got together last June, right?"

Jackson and I looked at each other, and I shrugged.

"I guess we forgot. With, you know, all that… stuff," I said, using my fork to try and make my point. "Everything else just kind of took a backseat."

Jerad's eyes got wide, and he kept looking back and forth between Jackson and I.

"What?" I laughed.

"If I ever forgot my anniversary, she'd kill me."

"This is true," Kristina nodded, smiling.

Once we were done eating, Jerad and I cleaned up and took dish duty. We had just gotten the water running when Jackson walked in. He raised his eyebrows at Jerad who then raised his eyebrows back. I would've thought it funny, but I knew they were doing their Morse Eyebrow Code. Before I could interrogate Jerad, he booked it outta the kitchen and walked outside.

"What's up?" I asked Jackson.

"Patch told you about the premieres, right?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And as long as my boss is okay with me taking some more time off, I'll be there. Remind me to go over my invisibility plan with Patch, again," I laughed.

Jackson pushed himself off the wall and walked over to me, placing his hands on either side of body, trapping me between him and the kitchen counter.

"What if you weren't so invisible?"

"What do you mean?"

"Walk the carpet with me."

Just like that. No question. No hesitation. His face didn't even twitch.

"You're kidding, right?" I laughed.

"No."

Again with the serious business face.

"Jackson, I- I don't know if… Uh, I, Um… I—"

"Breathe, Baby Girl," he smiled, cupping my face with his hands. "It was just an idea."

"Don't do that to me!" I kinda yelled, hitting his arm with every syllable.

"Ow!" he laughed. "Violence isn't the answer!"

I was still laughing to myself two days later as I sat in Sheila's office going over the days I would need off for the premiere and her upcoming court dates.

"What's with the smiley face?" she asked, not even looking up at me. "Things better with the boy?"

"Yeah. They're good."

"_Good_ good or…" she smirked.

"Not that good. Yet. But soon."

"Is that what the extra days off are for?"

"Those are for, ahem, the _Eclipse_ premiere."

I kept writing things down in my planner, taking in the stunned silence I probably had just put her in. When I peeked up at her through my eyelashes, she was gaping.

When I had originally asked off to attend the junket, Sheila refused to let me go unless I told her why. I knew she was playing around but I felt like I owed her the truth, especially considering that there was a possibility that I would need to ask for more days off without much notice in the future. So, I took her out for a drink and made her swear on a stack of legal books that she wouldn't say anything. When she basically gave me her Attorney/Client privilege guarantee, I told her everything.

Who knew my well-respected boss, the epitome of seriousness and business, was a Twihard? She also had a thing for Kellan.

"You're going?"

"Yeah."

"Lucky," she mumbled.

"I don't know about that."

She put her pen down and leaned back in her chair, her universal signal for "Spill it."

"He wants me to walk the carpet with him. Can you imagine that?"

And then I did. I thought about how I would wear a pretty dress and how I would stand with Patch as he talked to the reporters. Knowing him, he'd throw looks my way that nobody else would catch but I would know about, because they were the ones that said so much without having said a word. I'd smile and remind myself that I couldn't go all Hulk Hogan on the photogs, because they'd be allowed to take his picture then.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that being with him on the carpet was perfect. In its own weird way, it was a way for him to know that I wanted to be with him. It was a big fucking deal. I trusted him enough to have me there.

And then there was a pencil coming right at my face.

"Hey," Sheila laughed.

"Sorry," I laughed back. "Can I…?"

"You have fifteen minutes, and then I'm starting this Scheduling Order. Go."

I grabbed my cigs, lighter, and phone as I ran by my desk. The moment I got outside, I lit up and worked up the nerve to say what I needed. About halfway through the cig, I hit my speed dial.

"You have reached The _L__ove_ Line. For Jackson, press one. If you have better taste than that, press two for Benjamin Graupner."

"You're such a goofball," I giggled.

"And that's why you love me."

"You know it," I smiled. "Is he around?"

"Yep. Hold on a sec."

There was some talking and shuffling before I heard Jackson's voice.

"Hey."

"Hi!"

"What's up?"

"Is your invitation to walk the carpet with you still open?"

I'm pretty sure he dropped his phone.

The next seven days were absolutely fucking chaotic. Jackson was out flying to a different state every day to do promo for _The Last Airbender_. Just thinking about it made my head go crazy. I, on the other hand, spent days informing my parents and close friends, basically anybody who knew me personally and about Jackson, what I was doing. I told them to prepare to see my face in magazines and on the internet. Patch and I worked out how things would go. She assured me that I wouldn't be asked any questions or even bothered. Nobody would know my name or who I was in relation to Jackson. It helped that Kelly was going to be standing with us. It would look like I was a family friend or something.

I almost went crazy looking for something to wear. I knew that I would find something perfect on 5th Avenue, but there was no way I could afford anything like that. Juanita offered to pay for the dress, but I threatened to shove her into one of the Central Park fountains if she did. Amazingly, by a miracle of God, I found exactly what I was looking for the day before my flight left.

I was cradling that dress on my arm as I walked out of LAX the next day. I was dragging my little rolling suitcase behind me when I got a reply text from Jackson saying he had gotten someone to pick me up. I was about to call him and ask who it was and what they were driving when I noticed _his_ car pull up. Surprised, I quickly threw my shit in the trunk, laid the garment bag out on the backseat, climbed in front, and then waited til we were out of sight before I leaned over and stuck my tongue down his throat.

"Not that I'm not complaining, but what was that for?" he asked, his eyes tired.

I could've said that it was because I had missed him those few days we were apart. Or that it was because he looked exhausted after all of that traveling he had done. Or even that I was excited and really fucking nervous to be on that red carpet with him.

"Just because," I smiled.

Because that was what it all really boiled down to.

We had an epic round of thumb war until we got to the hotel. It was different from the one the boys were staying in. I guess Summit had something to do with that, but it wasn't my business to ask. Once we finally made it to the room, I ran and jumped on the bed, fully ready to take a nap. Jackson, though, grabbed me by both arms and hauled me up, saying his family was a few doors down and was waiting to see me. I grumbled that I smelled like a dirty sock but was promptly shut the fuck up by Jackson's mouth.

I guess dirty socks have their moments, too.

I was greeted with smiles and and hugs from the Rathbone mafia. Randee was her normal, cheery self. Papa Rathbone was doing his wicked charm, smirk thing again, and I'm not ashamed to say I almost swooned. Kelly told me she would be more than willing to kick Jackson's ass for what he did, because it's her rightful duty as a woman. I laughed and shook my head, quickly changing the subject when Jackson had asked what was so funny.

Even though I was convinced I smelled like the inside of a dead animal carcass, Jackson scooted us all out of the room pretty quickly since he had made early dinner reservations for us. The ride there, dinner itself, and the ride back were normal. Other than Randee and Papa R giving me the parental eye - the one you get when they wanna talk to you but don't wanna say anything then because there are people around - everything was as it was before.

When we got back to the hotel, Jackson took off to meet the guys at The Roxy to go over stuff for the show they had scheduled for right after the _Eclipse_ premiere. I apologized to the Rathbonians about being crappy entertainment, but I _really_ needed to shower and go to bed. I was too tired to try and deal with whatever Jackson's parental units wanted to talk to me about.

I woke up some time later to the feel of Jackson's arm going around my waist.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," he mumbled into my neck.

"You didn't. I'm sleep-talking," I yawned.

He ran his hands up and down my legs for a bit as he kissed my neck before he settled down and finally decided to sleep.

The next day was pretty calm considering that the premiere was the day after. About an hour before Jackson was supposed to leave for the Tent City surprise appearance, Patch came over. She wanted to go over the logistics of the red carpet with me one more time and let me ask any questions I had. Since Nikki was staying in the same hotel and I was getting ready in her room, there wasn't really much for me to ask.

And may I just say that Nikki can be a little scary when she needs to be? That's how she managed to make me think that using her stylist people was _my_ idea and not hers. She's adorably sneaky like that.

Once Jackson took off to do his cast appearance thing, his family and I sat around and talked. I thought I had blown the whole possible convo with his parents out of proportion until Kelly left to "get a drink of water" - she actually used air quotes - and then left.

"Alright. Give it to me," I laughed, looking at his parents.

And it wasn't a bad conversation at all. They wanted to know how I was doing after everything that had gone down. They also wanted to apologize for his "asinine behavior," because Jackson's parents are wonderful like that. Randee told me how she could tell the difference between the Jackson that had called her three months ago to the Jackson that had called her to give her the family's flight itinerary. And then she made me blush and told me that it was because of me.

I was frantic as I got ready for bed that night. I kept checking my dress to make sure it was still in one piece and wondering where the hell my shoes went when they had never been moved in the first place. I was so fucking nervous about being on the carpet with all those flash bulbs going off and eyes that may land on me. Jackson finally couldn't take it anymore and told me he was going to put a hit out on Elijah Wood if I didn't calm my ass down. I mumbled something about him being a thousand times better than his precious Avril Lavigne, and then we ended up in a slight tickle wrestling match. Whether he had planned it that way or not, it worked to calm me down a little.

But I was still wigging out when we got into bed.

"Are you really that nervous?" he said, kissing my shoulder.

"All those cameras and people and chicks throwing their hopefully clean thongs at you… It's a lot. I don't know how you do it all the time."

He hummed and then continued kissing my shoulder, moving his way up my neck and ending on that spot behind my ear that could make me melt in the middle of an ice age.

"Are you trying to distract me?" I sighed.

"Is it working?"

"Yep."

"Then that's absolutely what I'm doing."

He worked that little spot as his hand moved over my hip and landed on my stomach. I covered his hand with mine and then giggled as his fingers started tickling my stomach.

"You'll be fine."

"You say that now. Just wait until I'm bent over and dry heaving on the carpet. I doubt Patch can come up with a reasonable sounding excuse for that."

He laughed into hair.

"Laugh it up, chuckles."

He pulled me tighter against him as he laughed some more.

Once we were quiet, I turned around to face him.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked, his face scrunched up.

"I don't know. Nothing. Everything."

"You okay?"

"Did I tell you that I trust you? Because I do. I didn't know if I could ever get back to that place, but I have," I said, looking down at my hands.

I don't know when exactly it happened, but I had forgiven Jackson. People make mistakes. People hurt people. It's unfortunate, but it's part of being human. While he wasn't entirely at fault for what happened, part of the blame _did_ fall on him. I could either hold on to that and let it eat at me, ruining what I had with him, ruining any potential future together, or I could let it be a lesson that the two of us could learn from, use it to work on the little things we had ignored and build something stronger. And truth be told, I love the guy. The fucker had my heart, and I was not prepared in _any_ way to let him go. I just couldn't deal with not having him in my life.

"I honestly have no idea what I did to deserve you," he said, shaking his head and looking away from me.

"Don't get all emo on me, dude."

He looked back at me and immediately planted one on my kisser. We kissed for a bit, and then he started pulling away. But I wasn't gonna have that. I pushed off my side and leaned into him, grabbing his hair and keeping his luscious lips on mine. The longer we kissed, the more I rose up from my laying position to end up kneeling in front of him.

He broke away for a bit to sit up against the headboard and then grabbed my face again, kissing me even harder. I kept moving closer and closer to him until I eventually ended up straddling his lap. I grabbed at him, wanting him to be as close to me as he could.

I needed to feel him.

Luckily for me, he hadn't worn a shirt to sleep in. I took my hands outta his hair and ran them down his neck, over his shoulders, and then grabbed his arms to pull me closer to him so we were chest to chest.

And that's when I felt Little Jackson was awake and begging for attention.

Jackson immediately stopped and pulled away, panting and looking right at me. I could tell what he was thinking. I could tell he wanted to ask me if I was okay, if I wanted to stop. But I smiled before he could say or ask anything and then pulled him in for another kiss.

His hands suddenly moved to my waist, grabbing the bottom of my shirt. I leaned back a little and let him take it off of me. He threw it to the side without looking, staring at my boobs like they held the answers to all of the questions in the world. I thought that he would instantly go to sucking a nipple, because Jackson is as much a nipple dude as he is an ass man. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed the area where my heart was. He let his forehead rest on my chest as he ran his hands up and down my back for a bit.

And then he went back to being a dude and my Jackson by going right for a nipple.

I held on to his hair as his mouth and tongue did that thing that make me bring out the whore moan. It felt crazy amazing to have him on me again. And better because we had come so far.

He started leaning me back so that I was lying on the bed and kept up with the kissing as he moved down my stomach. His fingers hooked into my shorts and brought them down my legs, throwing those to the side to land where my shirt was. He moved so he was hovering over me, kissing my neck and collarbone, as I hooked my feet into the tops of his PJ pants and moved them down. When they were far down enough, he sat up and took them off completely.

I got up and made my way to him, putting one hand behind his neck and kissing him while I went back to straddling him. One of his hands moved from my waist to my stomach and then down, feeling that I was wet enough so that we could move on to the grand show.

Suddenly, he flicked my clit, and I whimpered into his mouth. I could feel his mouth morph into a smile. I reached between us and grabbed his dick, giving it a squeeze for I moved my hand up to run my thumb over the slit. He gave a little grunt as his hips suddenly jerked and then I was the one smiling, waiting it out as he found a condom and rolled it on.

I raised myself up and put him right where he needed to be. I stayed that way for a bit, taking in his face, and then lowered myself until I was sitting on his thighs.

I closed my eyes and just let myself feel him inside me, hearing his breathing get heavier and faster. When I opened them, he was staring at me. He leaned in to kiss me and then pulled back, grabbing my hips.

"I love you," he said.

And then I rocked us home.

I woke up the next morning in a cocoon of Jackson. The dude was all over me, which would've been okay except that we had gone to bed sweaty and the room was hot. I'm pretty sure it smelled like a brothel in there.

I checked the time and realized we had overslept. We weren't late or anything, but we had wanted to have breakfast with his family before I headed off to Nikki's room to spend the day getting ready.

I tried to untangle myself from him so I could hop in the shower, but he wouldn't let go.

"Jackson? We have to wake up."

"Nuh uh," he replied, holding on to me tighter.

"Come on," I laughed. "We can shower together."

"Okay!"

And then he was off and running into the bathroom, getting the shower going before I could even get my head around how quickly he moved.

Once we had finished eating with his family, it was already past noon. I gave him a kiss before I left, and the smile on Randee's face could've lit up Vegas. Papa Rathbone saw her expression and chuckled to himself. I giggled as I walked outta the room with my premiere necessities.

Nikki was by herself when she answered the door. She said the prep people were running a little behind, so we sat around and caught up with each other until they arrived. She said she could tell just by the look on my face that I was back to being happy, that Jackson was a lucky fucker because I was more understanding and forgiving than she ever could be. And because I'm a mushy person, I hugged the crapped outta her. I thanked her for being there for me when I needed to talk or vent or just have someone tell me that I was strong enough to get through it all.

Over the next few hours, I had my hair washed, cut, layered, and highlighted. Like always, I didn't want anything dramatic. It was enough of a change that I could handle it but also enough that the hair guy could do what he needed to give me that "optimum red carpet look."

He ended up working with my natural curls to do this updo thing and then secured the curls with bobby pins and this pretty little headband. I had some curls falling around my face, but most of them were pulled back, though it wasn't tight. I instantly fell in love with it.

I moved on to the make-up guy who took one look at my hair and at my dress hanging across the room and decided that some browns and peaches around my eyes with black mascara would keep things light but still be dramatic. He used a very neutral colored blush and gave me a lipgloss that matched the peach eyeshadow he had given me. He filled my eyebrows in a bit and finally powdered my face, declaring me completely done.

All in all, everything took about four hours thanks to the thick mess that is my hair.

Since we had to leave soon, I ran into the bathroom to change. When I was dressed, I took a good look at myself and was surprised to see that I actually loved the way I looked.

Nikki knocked on the bathroom door to let me know that she was on her way out. We fawned over how each other looked for a few minutes before she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she'd see me there. Just before she left, though, she mentioned something about how I should keep a smile planted on my face the entire time I was in front of the crowd so the paps wouldn't catch me scowling.

As I heard the door click, I went into panic mode.

I was so caught up in actually having fun getting ready and joking with Nikki that I had forgotten all about the fact that I had to deal with thousands of people and crazy ass paps.

In the middle of my freak out, Kelly came over to check and see if I was ready to go. I guess the look on my face said it all, because she immediately said she was gonna get Jackson and left the room. I took off into the bathroom and looked myself over, wondering just how badly I would get crucified is someone decided to really look at me and dissect what I looked like.

I was about an eight on a scale of ten of having a full blown attack when there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for an answer, it opened.

"Hey," he said, worry across his face. "Kelly said you were freaking out. What's going on?"

"I can't do this," I mumbled.

He sighed and closed the door, leaning against it. He stared at me for a bit and then walked over, taking my face in my hands.

"Cold feet?"

"Sorta," I sighed.

I didn't wanna see the look of disappointment on his face, so I kept my eyes on his chest. And then I realized just how good he looked.

"Nice suit."

"Oh, you know. Special occasion and all," he chuckled.

His arms went around my waist, holding me in a tight hug. I automatically buried my face in his neck.

"If it's too soon, you don't have to do it. You can try later."

I hugged him a little tighter, because that was _exactly_ what I needed to hear. He was giving me the option of backing out. But, when I really thought about it, I couldn't see myself not doing it, because I loved him so much. The nerves would be there, obviously, but it'd be over quickly. And just knowing that he would only be a few feet away took away most of my anxiety.

It was amazing how just the thought of him calmed me down.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm ready now. I guess I just needed reinforcements."

He stepped away from me and gave me a quick kiss. I smiled when he pulled away, sighing and then finally opening my eyes.

"You look beautiful, by the way," he smirked.

"Special occasion and all," I joked.

He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair.

"You ready?"

I jumped up and down a bit, hoping not to break my ankles with the heels I had on, shook my hands out, and cracked my neck.

"Let's do this," I nodded.

"Whatever you say, Rocky," he laughed, taking my hand and leading me out.

Patch and Jackson's family were waiting for us in the open bedroom, worry across their faces, as well. I guess Kelly had told them about just how scared shitless I must've looked.

"It's okay," I lightly laughed. "Crisis averted."

"Are you sure?" Papa R asked.

"I'm good. It was the photographers that had me freaking out."

"After a while, you won't even notice them. Just keep your focus on Jackson, and you'll be fine," Patch advised.

Jackson squeezed my hand.

"You ready?"

Before I could answer, Randee piped up.

"Oh, no! We're doing this the right way."

She reached into her purse and pulled out a camera, making Jackson groan.

"Mama," he whined.

"Don't you give me that," she scolded. "Iris didn't a get a prom, and this is close enough. Now, pose and smile."

I laughed as Jackson grumbled. We took quite a few pictures with just the two of us, and then Patch took over the camera so we could get the entire family included. There were even some of just me with his parents.

It was all unbelievably adorable.

Jackson's parents took a different car than the rest of us since they weren't going to walk the carpet. His parents wished us luck before they got in and took off.

On the way there, I took a long look at Jackson and realized just _how_ good he looked.

"I like this," I said, running my hand over his suit jacket. "You look amazing."

"Thank goodness it wasn't anything like that blue jacket," Patch laughed.

Jackson simply smiled and winked at me.

The three of them kept the conversation going and I had a feeling it was for my benefit, so I wouldn't think about what I was about to do and wig out again. That all went out the window, though, when the screams from the crowd started making their way into the limo.

"Hey," Jackson said as he took my hand. "I won't be but two or three feet away from you. If you can't take it and need to take off, Kelly'll walk inside with you."

"We'll make a mad dash for it," she smiled.

"Yeah. Okay," I nodded.

Before I knew it, the screams were right outside the door. The limo came to a full stop, and we all moved to the edge of our seats so we could start making our way out.

"You're gonna be the hottest thing on that carpet," Jackson said, following it up with a kiss. "Thank you for doing this with me."

"You've already got me, Rathbone. Work the charm on the crowd," I laughed.

When the door opened, I literally winced in pain at the amount of noise coming in. It was absolute chaos. There was screaming and orders being thrown around and this vibe of sheer hysteria. Once Jackson stepped outta the limo, though, it went into full out pandemonium. Being the gentleman he is, he took each of our hands and helped us out. He gave my hand a squeeze and smiled before he took a step back, Patch leading us to the first set of photographers in line.

The next hour and a half were a blur. People kept shouting to get Jackson's attention, and he would go from smiling for pictures to signing autographs. Kelly and Patch would check in with me every once in a while to make sure I was still okay. We ran into Ashley and Kellan at one point. They each smiled and waved at me but didn't come over, knowing me well enough to figure out that I was trying to stay as much in the background as possible.

Amazingly, the more time I spent out on the carpet, the more comfortable I felt. It was amazing to watch Jackson work the crowd into a frenzy. He was smiling and smirking like a champ for the photogs, and they were eating it up.

He would shoot me glances every now and again, making me smile and blush. Patch and Kelly would laugh at me, knowing how easily the fucker affected me. I was just thankful that they didn't start teasing me while we were out there. I didn't think I would've been able to hold in the cackle.

_Finally_, we made it to the end of the line and were ushered inside the theater. Kelly and I made a beeline for the potty, because we both had to pee something fierce. Once we made it out, the four of us walked to our seats, finding the Rathbone parentals waiting for us.

Just like last time, people trickled in and I was able to say hi to them all. Alex, Dakota, Peter, Liz… They all gave me hugs. And even Catalina was there. She seemed really surprised but excited to see me. We spent a few minutes talking before she had to take her seat. The Holy Trinity walked in, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them because they were being herded to their seats.

As everyone got settled and waited for the movie to start, Jackson started getting fidgety.

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"You're lucky we're in a room full of people," he mumbled.

"Why?"

"I could fucking eat you up right now. You look delicious."

"Oh, wow," I laughed.

"Yeah. You'll be screaming that later," he smirked, turning to face the front.

I smiled and shook my head, taking his hand and putting it in my lap so I could play with his fingers.

The lights dimmed a few times so that everyone could get situated and the movie could start. I was really excited to see what they had done, wondering just how everything I had seen and heard in Vancouver while they were filming turned out.

I watched the movie like my life depended on it. I silently squeed when I saw the squirrel wig in full effect, wondering if Jackson would be able to get that puppy for me to take home. When I squeezed his hand and mouthed "Wig," he chuckled and dropped his head.

As the movie went on, I started to squirm. Seeing so much of Jackson on screen was doing naughty things to my naughty bits. It didn't help that he was wearing tight pants throughout the movie. And don't even get me started on his flashback. Holy Mary mother of _God_, it was like porn. He was "Grrr" and "Argh" and just downright gah! Just when I thought I was safe and had calmed down some, the battle got me all riled up again.

_Jesus, this man has some seriously hot angry faces._

As the movie ended and the lights came back on, I looked over to Jackson's parents. I dramatically fanned my face and pretended to swoon, making them laugh and shake their heads.

Since the Monkeys had a show directly after the premiere, Jackson had to leave to go catch up with them. Patch, Jackson's family, and I hung around for a bit which gave me time to catch up with Rob, Kristen, and Taylor. Our quality time didn't last long, though, since they had to head out to the afterparty and the rest of us were trekking it back to the hotel so we could change into some less fancy clothes for the concert.

An hour later, donned in some comfy duds and having eaten a quick meal, we were watching the boys start their set. It was cute to see Jackson all dressed up, rocking out with the guys. It was even cuter to see Jerad and Uncle also dressed up while Benny and Graupner were dressed down. Only they could pull off the mismatched thing with ease.

As I stood around and watched the crowd go batshit crazy, I smiled and sang along and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

"Did you have fun?" Kelly asked.

"This whole night was splendiferous," I giggled.

"Think you could do this again and again?"

"Oh, yeah," I responded, looking up at Jackson as he sang into the mic. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**Thank you for coming along for the ride. The epilogues and outtakes (those already up and the ones I promised) will be re-edited and re-posted in Alternate and Outtakes, if you'd like to alert or favorite it. They'll go up soon-ish.**

**Reviews are like Jackris working it out and getting it together: I sigh with relief and smile like a baby.**


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